Have you ever considered the power of taking a hiatus from dating to rediscover yourself? I know it sounds daunting, but in this candid episode, I unpack my year-long journey of stepping back from romance to focus on personal growth and self-healing. It's a tale of transforming from someone who sought external validation into a person who cultivates self-reliance, unveiling the 'creator field'—that energetic space that shapes the relationships we draw into our lives. I lay bare the steps I took toward self-empowerment and how embracing the single life can be a profound path to growth.
Dive into the heart of emotional healing with me as I grapple with the aftermath of turbulent relationships and the quest for self-love.
It's a raw look at the importance of emotional mastery and the ongoing work to silence self-criticism that molds our interactions.
This episode isn't just for single mothers rebuilding independence or those seeking healthier relationships; it's an inspiring narrative offering encouragement and guidance for anyone ready to elevate their connections to a frequency of peace and respect.
Have you ever considered the power of taking a hiatus from dating to rediscover yourself? I know it sounds daunting, but in this candid episode, I unpack my year-long journey of stepping back from romance to focus on personal growth and self-healing. It's a tale of transforming from someone who sought external validation into a person who cultivates self-reliance, unveiling the 'creator field'—that energetic space that shapes the relationships we draw into our lives. I lay bare the steps I took toward self-empowerment and how embracing the single life can be a profound path to growth.
Dive into the heart of emotional healing with me as I grapple with the aftermath of turbulent relationships and the quest for self-love.
It's a raw look at the importance of emotional mastery and the ongoing work to silence self-criticism that molds our interactions.
This episode isn't just for single mothers rebuilding independence or those seeking healthier relationships; it's an inspiring narrative offering encouragement and guidance for anyone ready to elevate their connections to a frequency of peace and respect.
Hello and welcome back to the show. Today I'm going to talk about a decision I made a little over a year ago that has helped me so much. I honestly wish I had done it sooner, but then I wouldn't have had the tools to actually expedite my healing during this time. So about a year ago, a little over a year ago, I decided to stop dating for a while, until I could really heal certain parts of myself, because I noticed patterns showing up that I knew weren't for my best interest, for my higher good, for my children's best interest, and I just wanted to take radical responsibility for my life and my choices. And I could see that my choices in the past were hurting myself but also hurting my children, and I was just not okay with that.
Speaker 1:
So, to give you a little backstory, I have been dating since basically the fifth grade. I mean, of course, in the fifth grade we were probably holding hands. I think we kissed a couple of times, right. But since then, hands, I think we kissed a couple of times, right, but since then, even in that relationship, relationship, I was never comfortable with who I was and I didn't feel like I was enough just being me, and so I would change the way that I, uh, dressed. I would change my interests. I would, you know, basically change my whole personality to be what I felt like they wanted. I would, you know, basically change my whole personality to be what I felt like they wanted. And that is a very, actually unfortunately, common thing, because if we were raised in homes where there might have been some criticism or parents very worried about how you were being perceived, it became a survival response to be a people pleaser, right, and so this is one thing that I will just not put on my children. And so what I realized is all through middle school, high school, college, adulthood, I was reflecting my insecurities and where I needed to heal and grow, and there's something called our creator field, which you might think of as, like you know, the energetic bubble around you, and so we will attract in whatever is in that creator field. It's how we create, it's how we co-create with the universe in that creator field. It's how we create, it's how we co-create with the universe. And so I was a match for people who either were going to be really hard on me, who were going to, like, physically beat me down because I was beating myself down, who were going to verbally abuse me all the time, because that's what I was doing to myself, and I'm not saying anything. That they did was okay. I'm just saying I understand now the energetics behind it and this is what I really get into.
Speaker 1:
In my clean BDE program I share a lot of examples and personal stories of this, and so what I realized is I started looking back at all of my relationships and they weren't all bad, because in this universe there really isn't any bad or good. Everything's neutral. And then we as humans apply meaning to things. Right, because one person might look at the storm as something bad, because maybe they have to work outside, so when it's stormy and they can't make any money, so to them the storm is bad. Someone else, like myself, I love storms and like I think they're so cozy, so to me I'd be like happy with a storm. So the storm is neutral. It's just we apply meaning to it.
Speaker 1:
And this is a really hard concept for a lot of people to get on board with in the beginning of their spiritual journey, because it's not what we were taught. We were taught there's good and there's bad, and there's. You know, you deserve this, you don't deserve this. It was a lot of conditioning, and so I really had to undo that conditioning within myself. And then I realized, like the last relationship I had, he was a great guy and he was reflecting what was in my creator field. I was really wanting comfort, I was wanting calm, I was wanting peace, and that's really what he embodied. But it was not a good match for me romantically, because I also had this huge ambition I'm not one to ever settle for mediocrity, I will never stop learning and growing and that he didn't match, or at least during the time we were together. And so I also noticed that he I had always wanted since I was a kid.
Speaker 1:
I remember thinking this I definitely watched too much Disney, but I thought someday, when I turned 16, I'm going to be told that I'm a princess and I'm going to be saved, and all of this stuff, and all throughout my life I always had this idea that somebody was going to come in and save me. I didn't realize that I was actually the person that was going to save myself, right? And that's really the point where a lot of us need to get to in order to stop putting so much power into other people. And this episode is not scripted, I am just literally speaking from the heart, so I apologize if I kind of jump around.
Speaker 1:
And so what I realized is I was always basing my emotions, my inner state, on them, whoever I was with. If they didn't call, that meant this. If they didn't buy me a present, that meant this. If they said this, I would analyze it for days and I wouldn't say anything. Sometimes I would, or maybe it would come out after I was drinking or something. I didn't feel comfortable enough to just really express myself in a healthy way. And so I realized like this has to stop. This has to stop. And so for some people, not dating for a year might not sound like a big deal. For me, I mean, I don't think I've ever gone more than a few months being single, because it was just like I was so codependent that I needed to feel like I wasn't alone, even though in a lot of these relationships I was alone because they weren't there for me, emotionally, you know, and a lot of times they were actually just draining me.
Speaker 1:
And again, these are all reflections. We can only be a match for what we have in our creator field, which is thoughts, beliefs, conditioning, right. So that's why it's so important to clear trauma, to clear our childhood conditioning, to clear limiting beliefs, and that's what I do with rapid resolution therapy. And then I have an emotion code coach. So the people ask me this a lot like what does what? So rapid resolution therapy I use for any sensation that comes up in the moment. So if you're in my programs, I talk about, I share a lot about what's happening in my life and I'm just real with my, with my people, because I am not going to pretend that I'm perfect.
Speaker 1:
So I lost my voice about a week ago and I knew it was energetic. I knew why and all of our body parts will tell us what's going on. And so losing my voice is paralyzing anger and no one would think of me as an angry person. I don't walk around saying I'm so angry. I actually have done so much work to clear a lot of anger.
Speaker 1:
But we can also have repressed anger that we're not aware of, right. But as we clear these surface level emotions, the the repressed ones have a chance to come up and be cleared as well. So it doesn't mean that you're going backwards. It doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. It doesn't mean that your techniques aren't working. It just means there's another layer that's coming up, and usually it's the deeper layers, right, just like peeling back an onion. And so I realized when I lost my voice yes, I did actually have some suppressed anger. And so I used my tools, which are rapid resolution therapy, which is great for in the moment sensations where you know what is causing that or you have an idea. And then I also use emotion code, body code, belief code. I have a coach that I work with and she helps me clear unknown. So maybe anger that's really deep, that I don't even know is in there, right. And then, of course, there's other tools as well.
Speaker 1:
And so for this one because it was such a deep, repressed anger from a relationship where that person will pop in every five to six months like, say, threatening abusive things, lies I had cleared the trigger of fear, because I used to feel fear when I would see his name pop up on my phone. I no longer feel fear, but what I realized is that there was a lot of anger from even choosing to be with this person, which obviously is not helpful at all. And RRT helps you understand, like everything you have done, like if I were you and I was every cell of you, I would have made the same decisions, right? So thinking that we should or shouldn't have done something is not useful. It will actually cause our unconscious mind to think there's something to do when there's not. Like I can't stop myself from taking a shower yesterday Right, it's already done.
Speaker 1:
So I had cleared the guilt and the shame around my relationship with this person, but I hadn't cleared the anger with myself for choosing to be with him, choosing to have a child with him, all of these things. And so what I did is I wrote a list of all the things that I could think of that made me angry, that I could still call up some anger around, because we don't want to do any kind of emotional bypassing, right, but sometimes we just have to clear something in different ways and use different tools. So I wrote everything that was angering me about him, and then I turned it around and I thought, okay, how am I doing these things to myself and how can I shift this? So I am not an emotional match for these kinds of people, right, and I've already done a ton of work on that. But it's so important to me that I never find myself in a relationship again where I'm giving someone else so much of my power and so much control over my feelings, because we, if we don't have emotional mastery, we are going to be in fight or flight.
Speaker 1:
And fight or flight is what is creating all of the issues, all of the violence in the world right now. The majority of people are operating in fight or flight, whether they know it or not, and when we're in fight or flight, our focus is narrow. Just think of like a bunny running from a Fox. The bunny is not noticing the carrots, it's not noticing the little sunny spot it could lay down, it's not thinking about mating, it is just thinking I need to survive, I need to get away from Fox. And so everybody is kind of living I would say like 80% of the world is living in fight or flight, with just very narrow focus.
Speaker 1:
And what I noticed as I started clearing and shifting myself out of fight or flight, I became so much more giving and less focused on just like survival, and I didn't even realize how much I was just in survival. And so part of this dating, going from guy to guy to guy was my way of surviving, because I would find myself in these financial positions that weren't ideal, I'd start dating someone. We'd put the gas on like, press the gas pedal on our relationship move in way too soon. I mean, I've been engaged like four times, married once, and I would just hope that this person was going to save me. But I needed to be saving myself, and that's what I'm doing now and that's what I've made this whole year about is saving myself and showing my kids like you don't need someone else to complete you, you don't need someone else to save you.
Speaker 1:
And so I want myself to be in such a strong emotional position that when I am, when I find myself in my next relationship, that they are a compliment to my life. But I do not want to call in another person with potential or a project, because a lot of these guys, even the ones that were abusive I could see their potential and that's what I fell in love with and I wanted to help them get there. But I really needed to be focusing that energy on myself first before I could help them Right? So this is why I took a year to really clear all of this and and I'm constantly like looking at this as a scientist experimenting I even had. You know, if something pops up with a friendship and they do something that kind of triggers me, I won't blame them. I'll look at. Okay, there's something that I need to clear, like some kind of feelings of abandonment or sadness or something. Our body will speak to us through emotions. It will show us exactly what we're needing to clear.
Speaker 1:
And I can tell you this that if you're in a relationship where there is any form of abuse emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse it's never going to get better if you aren't working on yourself and they aren't working on themselves. And that takes a lot of radical responsibility, it takes a lot of looking okay, how am I a match for this behavior? For example, you know, once there was a guy who was very inconsistent with his communication with me, and so when I wouldn't hear from him, I would think, oh, he doesn't like me anymore. Did I do something? Did I say something? Am I doing this? Am I doing that? I made it all about myself.
Speaker 1:
So another key thing I've done is really started studying the differences between the feminine and masculine and men. A lot of times like it's not anything to do with you, and that's what I've finally understood is like. That was never about me. Men are just very like, usually focused on one thing, and if they're focused on that, if work is crazy right now and they're not reaching out to you, it has nothing to do with you, it's just Work is crazy right now and they're not reaching out to you. It has nothing to do with you, it's just they're really focused. That's how they operate as women.
Speaker 1:
We often and this is what I would do, well, if it were me I would just like how hard is it to send a text? And like blah, blah, blah. Doesn't he know that's disrespectful? No, he doesn't, because he's just like in the zone Right and in the zone Right. And so it's really like understanding that alone helped me so much. And then just also understanding that everything everyone else does is a reflection. And so, as an as another example, I took my son to the Amen clinic last week to get checked for ADHD ODD. Get checked for ADHD ODD, all of that. He started hitting me so hard in the appointment. He was hitting me, he was kicking me. I literally left like beat up and I know that that was a reflection of me beating myself up, because I do that. I've done that a lot. I've done that my whole life and I clearly still have some more work to do there.
Speaker 1:
And do I want to call in a partner when I'm still feeling, when I'm still having moments of beating myself up? No, I don't, because I don't want to call in a partner who will do that to me, right? And so I used to look at relationships as a way to save myself and you. I wanted to condition myself to the opposite of that that relationships are great and they're a beautiful compliment to me, but it's not my life. I don't want to put more focus and attention on someone else than on myself, right? And I kept finding myself in situations where I was helping that person and I was. It was just draining. Every person I was dating. There was some event in their life where I just like dove in to help, and you know, I could have said no, I could have not done that and maybe that would have shifted some things. But I really needed to separate myself from relationships while I worked on these things.
Speaker 1:
And then my goal is to call in someone who has already done a lot of healing work as well, and so I just wanted to share this because I know, especially as single moms, it can be really, it can be really attractive to think a man is going to save us financially. A man is going to just make everything better. And so I purposely chose to leave my million dollar home to move back in with my parents to launch my companies. I want them to be in a really good place before I call in someone because I want it to be for the right reasons. I want it to be like hey, you add to my life, I add to your life, I don't need you, but I want you and and that will be just such a different dynamic than I've ever had before. So I hope this was helpful.
Speaker 1:
If you're a single mom and you need help with this, definitely look into my clean BDE program, because I spend the first part of it shifting you out of fight or flight, rewiring your unconscious, rewiring the conditioning, and then I infuse energetics into it as well to start to teach you all of this stuff on the energetic side. And then, if you're not a single mom, you can reach out about coaching. I do have very limited one-on-one coaching spots, but you can always reach out, angela at Angela Marie Christiancom. I would love to see relationships just being at a higher frequency, and relationships showing like peace and respect and healing between people, instead of it's like such a source of pain for so many. And so, yeah, please reach out. If this resonated, if you have any questions, and I'd love to hear if you've done the same, if you haven't dated for a while to like work on yourself, I would love to hear your story. So I'm sending you all love.