Ep 4: Navigating the Burnout Minefield: Insights into Self-Care and Embracing Neurodiversity - Part 1

Have you ever felt completely drained and detached from your own life? Join us, Lola and Liv, as we put the spotlight on burnout, a phenomenon many of us face yet seldom talk about. 

This episode is our personal exploration of burnout - a candid, no-holds-barred conversation about recognising the signs, navigating through it, and ideally, emerging stronger out the other side. Self-care takes center stage as we underline the need to prioritize our physical and emotional needs.

We extend the conversation to the entrepreneurial sphere, where we unpack the constant pressure to be productive and the elusive work-life balance. As we manage our own businesses, we recognise the importance of slowing down and respecting our bodies. Let's not glorify burnout; instead, let's discuss ways to nourish ourselves and find mentors who prioritise self-care and balance. 

Intricately woven into our discussion is the concept of neurodiversity and its role in everyday life, particularly concerning burnout and executive functioning. We invite you to walk with us as we navigate through managing expectations and communication in today's fast-paced world. This episode promises to deepen your understanding of neurodiversity and empowerment in a society that often expects uniformity. Tune in for this relatable conversation, overflowing with our personal experiences and insights.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:18

Hey, it's Lola here.

Speaker 2: 1:20

Hello, hello, it's Liv.

Speaker 1: 1:22

And we are back. Your Juicy crew are back in the house, and today our episode is well, we came into this episode. Actually, we had clarity on what we want to talk about in some ways, but in other ways, we didn't have any clarity, and so what I mean by that is we knew that we wanted to speak about the opposite of Juicy. We were like, let's explore the opposite of Juicy, but we didn't know what that was, and we spent some time trying to figure it out, first of all, as you're here in the, in the podcast and then we realized we don't need to figure that out. But then what actually came quite clear was that both of us weren't feeling very juicy. That's probably why we were both like, yeah, let's talk about this, and that both of us were burnt out. So this became a An episode about burnout, something, to be honest with you, that I I Personally am quite prone to for various reasons. I'm still learning to navigate that and what's realistic for me, but I'm not alone, right.

Speaker 2: 2:25

Yeah, and I think for me, why this episode was really powerful is I'm newer in the game, to admitting, but I'm burnt out or I'm really not juicy. I think I've had a long, long history of overriding my actual Body and my energy and where I'm really at, and even with you know best Woman the world, this is a. This was a tough one for me. This was a vulnerable topic and I loved that we came into it. Let's just put this on the table and that's just like talk about it and let's really see where we go. And I really walked away from this episode feeling so much clearer and Feeling so much more like, oh, I could own that I'm feeling really burnt out right now. Like really really feeling burnt out.

Speaker 1: 3:20

You know I remember as well about that episode we had been feeling burnt out for a while. So my relationship with burnout is I'm very prone to it because I want ADHD and some of bits and bobs and and also just a massive history of being a black woman and overriding and just keep going and keep going and keep going. But, um, so I don't know was notice, and so I think it was like the week before where you had put the B word out there and I was like, oh my god, of course I'm burnt out. Of course I'm burnt out. I can't. I can barely think straight, I can't function. Of course I'm burnt out.

Speaker 1: 3:57

What's really surprised me, we had this really juicy conversation about it from our burnt out state, but by the end of it, both of us were starting to come out of the burnout and, yeah, and I learned a lot in that experience.

Speaker 1: 4:14

Actually, because we do love recording these podcasts, we do love, you know, spending time with each other, working together as well. You know, this has become something like, yes, we've got friendship, but now we're starting to work together. We're really enjoying this so much and I just remember how important that was because I learned something, sometimes part of the reason why I burn out is I Am still doing too many things that don't like me all the way up, and and I do a lot of things that like me all the way up. That's the scary thing about it, yeah, so we're not talking about things that are just terribly shitty, but they're not, I don't know. I can just feel my body's given me very clear signals when it's like this is not a hell yeah for you. So it was actually like as soon as we did this together and this was like a holy hell, yeah, I Could literally feel myself start to fill up, you know, and and it definitely turned a corner after- that yeah, yeah, likewise.

Speaker 1: 5:15

Yeah, so I hope you enjoy this episode and I hope it helps you Do wherever you are on your Bernie Bernie.

Speaker 2: 5:25

That's like your All right. Welcome back to juicy. We are gonna About the opposite of juicy, definitely. Really, it been up for both of us We've been talking about a lot in the last couple of weeks. We do not yet have a definition of what the opposite of juicy is. We are gonna be exploring that today. What I will say is that Some of the themes that have been floating around and I think one of the reasons we're inspired to talk about this is we've been feeling a little burnt out, exhausted, depleted, and I'm really excited today to give space for that conversation of like when we really are Moving so slowly and things are feeling really hard and sluggish and Challenging and it feels, you know, almost impossible to like get things done and and function. We're gonna talk a little bit about that. Well, I'm gonna talk a little bit about that today. I'm also curious to see what comes out of your mouth, lola, and like what we create together. So I hope you're excited about this topic. I definitely am.

Speaker 1: 7:09

Me too, and, like they said, we have no idea. Before we came on live was like how we define in the opposite of juicy, and I just said I don't know. And actually, at the moment, it feels like with the podcast that it's not only not about answers it's definitely not about answers, guys, is it? But it's. It's almost like we get to explore it. We're exploring it on these calls, so who knows? But we live in it and sometimes I think what we're doing is we're wrapping words around what we're living and what we have been living on the podcast in real time. And one thing I will say, though, that's come up for me is so we're recording this today, it's the 9th of October 2023, and we recorded our first juicy pod in May. It may, may 2023, I think it was May. We haven't put it out yet. We are going to. This is part of the thing, right.

Speaker 1: 8:09

It's so hard to just get things done at the moment for us, right, and I have constantly felt during the summer, as we've really been going through it in many, many ways, that it's almost like we stuck a stake in the ground for the juicy thing, for talking about juice and living a life of juice and, as always, what tends to happen, I find, is the opposite will show up. You know, it's like you'll get put through your paces, and so I definitely feel like Today's gonna be really good for just bringing extra layers of nuance and clarification, because nothing we're talking about here is about like, yeah, let's just have a good time. Oh my god, feeling negative. Oh my god, right, if you write a gratitude list, live, you know. I mean, it's not that, that's not what we're doing here. It's not like oh my god, feel good, bounce into the bright, new, shiny thing all the time, because we're so terrified of feeling down about things. It's like that's not juice or something else.

Speaker 2: 9:09

I Did actually write gratitude list the other day on the train.

Speaker 1: 9:14

I'll run this morning. I'm not saying, they don't work.

Speaker 2: 9:19

I only managed to write two things down. Yeah, I found, I found a list. I found a list of I I'd started a gratitude list a month ago, so I just saw it and I thought I'd see if I feel anything sort of add. But if that can tell you where I'm at, I only really could add two things. I couldn't write ten things. I could add two things to that list and I think that that Shows, shows me, where I'm at right. There's not too much. Right now. I'm not like flowing In gratitude and and receptivity to life. I'm like, oh, my god, okay, well, feeling, feeling pretty. I Describe this state as like that baseline, exhausted, like a feeling inside my body. I'm so tired, I so deeply tired, I'm tired, like in my bones, I'm tired. It's quite hard and scary to admit that because it does feel like then this has to be some kind of a problem.

Speaker 1: 10:49

I just don't think there is.

Speaker 2: 10:50

I don't feel like there's a problem. I'm doing a lot of stuff right now For context. We're recording this. I'm in London taking care of my family. We're creating this podcast. There's lots happening in my world. A lot is happening. I'm going to daily French classes. I'm like there's a lot of production happening in my life. Underneath all of that, I'm like I feel really tired.

Speaker 1: 11:20

I was going to say you mentioned there about the gratitude list and only being able to do two things and that being almost like a signal that you are in the non-juicy state or in non-juicy mode. What are some of your other ways that you know that you're feeling not very juicy?

Speaker 2: 11:46

I think when I haven't responded to a text message for a month. Yesterday I went through my phone. I do this sometimes. Anyone out there that knows me well loves me. Thank you for your patience, because I'm either available instantly or it will take me a whole month to get back to someone. It's usually a couple of weeks. I say it's not usually that long, it's usually a couple of weeks. I really will not send messages unless I really have the capacity to do so. I very rarely will respond if I. This is the same with emails. Sometimes I have beautiful people that follow me, shout out to you.

Speaker 2: 12:28

If you're one of those people that writes to me and says, oh, this really impacted me, you wrote the thing or I went to your class, I might read that email three times and eventually, one month later, respond. I was actually doing that this morning. I was responding to some beautiful emails I'd received. When it's been that long, I'm like, oh, it's been. I've been feeling a little dry. I've not really had the capacity and love to fully respond. That's a place where I see that it kind of feels a little bit like I'm holding my breath. Things aren't flowing there. I'm feeling overwhelmed. Yes, overwhelmed.

Speaker 1: 13:17

Overwhelmed. Yeah, that's a big one.

Speaker 2: 13:20

That's one of them, communication. How I'm communicating the cadence of my availability with communication Again, don't really see it as a problem. It can be uncomfortable, though. Sometimes I have expectations of myself as a leader, as a business owner, as a friend, that there's some special timing that you're supposed to adhere to to be a good person. I definitely have those thoughts sometimes, but most of the time I'm like this is just the only way I can do it.

Speaker 1: 13:54

Totally. The overwhelms are big, isn't it? That's a big clue for me. However, I do spend a lot of time feeling overwhelmed, though I feel overwhelmed often. When I was just listening to you speak there, I was thinking was that messaging piece you was talking about? I hate messages, I really do. I don't mind receiving them, but I don't want to feel any pressure to have to reply to them or read them. My inbox is so full of stuff. I don't delete stuff and that works for me. I don't mind, because I just don't feel pressure to read stuff. I can't remember. You saw it the other day and you were like, oh my God, I've never seen a number that high. What number? What am I on?

Speaker 2: 14:41

Oh, it's like 85,000 or something. Unreads it. It was fucking massive. I was like Lola. Can we just talk about that number in the corner? It's so funny. I think some people just like that. They have a few tabs and then they have 85,000. I have a little bit of that in my personal email. I don't know what, but my main email, my work email, I don't, that's like my master, that inbox has got a few different emails that go into it.

Speaker 1: 15:14

I treat it more like a sort of storage cabinet, a filing cabinet.

Speaker 1: 15:19

I remember years back in the day, when there used to be all these wonderfully masculine productivity empty, clean inbox I used to follow, try to follow, some of these things. Then I realized that actually for me, I'm not bothered. I'm actually not bothered. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I was able to pinpoint the problem was the pressure to respond, like you said, to be a good person, to do XYZ. But I'm super aware of the fact that there's so many different ways that people can message you and I don't like that. I don't mind that. Actually that's not true. It's not like I don't like it, I don't mind that. It's just the extra pressure piece right when it's like have to respond to everyone.

Speaker 1: 15:59

Think about how many inboxes you have. When I was listening to you there, what I was thinking was about because the thing is for this burnout thing is I bounce a lot, I burn out a lot. I burn out often. I've got various reasons as to why that happens to me. I don't always recognize it until I think I'm quite in it. I think I also have had a really long history of normalizing burnout. I think I've got really strong muscle memory for normalizing burnout that I don't even sometimes call it burnout. Does that make sense? When I was listening to you speak, I was thinking about how, if we have, like, oh, when we're, when we're answer, we're all different, but like if we have when we're answering emails and messages, we're good, and then when we're when we're not, we're burning out. I wonder about the times when we have good. I feel like there's something about the times when we're feeling juicy that creates the burnout. Do you know what I mean? So, and I see that monthly in my cycle, you know, I see that in my menstrual cycle where when I'm having a a great sort of spring, summer stage of my cycle before ovulation, and sometimes I do too much and I pay for that, the next down sort of phase, part of the cycle. So similar kind of thing with the burnout piece.

Speaker 1: 17:33

But for me, overwhelm is a massive signal and like I feel I'm constantly overwhelmed, to be honest with you. But the one where it's like oh, it's too much now is the fatigue. That's what I'm hearing you talk about there, that own deep fatigue, you know, like deep in my fucking bones, my body. It's like it's like gravity on steroids. I'm just like being pulled down and sinking down. It's not related either to what I'm actually doing, because that's everything.

Speaker 1: 18:06

Because my mind will be like why do I have not done anything? Why do I feel like this today? You know, and there's another, oh, the one for me last week, I mean, you named it, you said it first, you meant brought the B word out, the burnout word out, and as soon as you said it, I was like, oh my God, of course burnout, it's burnout, but that is. You know, I'm still having trouble spotting it, but for me it's when there's loads of things to do, and there really is. I'm in a stage where there's a lot of different things to do in my life and I'm not able to write a list, like I have ADHD. So there's an aspect of me that's just always kind of overwhelmed and prone to burnout. So, as well, I don't really want to be thinking about these things for me on a neurotypical level, because I'm not right.

Speaker 2: 18:58

Could you just say how, like what would be a neurotypical way of thinking about it?

Speaker 1: 19:03

Well, the sort of the way that you described earlier when you talked about something is wrong. So for me, the neurotypical what I see, that neurotypical standard, because, even if you're not often, we've internalised it right is oh, I'm burnt out. Why am I burnt out? I don't know. Like I need to rest, I need to watch my diet. How can I get more energy? Like there's something about it. It feels like it's personal. I have done something and now I'm burnt out, which I don't know. If that's even true, by the way, I don't think it's true and I never really used to, but it's heavy.

Speaker 1: 19:47

The condition in is heavy, right, I would say the neurodiverse, neurodiverse, the neurodivergent or the neurospicy way of looking at it is it gives yourself more grace. So it's like okay, I have these executive functioning issues right. So certain things are harder for me to do, like it's harder for me to manage my relationship with time, to understand what I can do. I'm using up a lot of bandwidth all the time anyway, because I'm not really filtering things out like other people do. That creativity and that ideation that I'm so good at is also a brain that won't turn off. It can be harder to sleep. There's all these knock-on effects of just having regulating yourself. Everything is a bit harder. It kind of is what it is, but compared to the other standard right. And then on top of that, you're just in a world where everyone's expecting you to operate in a particular way. That that alone is what you mean. You're using up so much more bandwidth. There's one of the ADHD doctors says it's ADHD is like being a Ferrari. Oh, I'm a Brit. That just feels so appropriate.

Speaker 2: 21:19

It's something like I need to get this right.

Speaker 1: 21:23

Keep a cup it's so good, it's really good. But yeah, so memory is a thing, hold on. I really do want to share this because it's good and I thought having ADHD is like something about a Ferrari and a bicycle. I think it's like oh, I know it's having a Ferrari, it's come back to me. Having ADHD is like having a Ferrari with bicycle breaks. So true, like that is just like oh, yes, you know, it's like stopping is the hardest thing in the world. Once you're kind of really get going into like a flow and a hyper focus, and stop in the blooming machine is like oh my God, I can't, I can't, it's so uncomfortable and it's almost like until you are stopped, oh, that's really helpful.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Right.

Speaker 2: 22:25

Yeah, that's helpful, that's helpful.

Speaker 1: 22:28

And you feel that, I feel like you can feel that, and then that leads to like all these other things, like frustration, because you can feel like I can do this stuff, I know this stuff, I can do all this stuff. Why can't I do it? The actual sort of execution of certain things is really hard, and even when it's not, because you have periods where it's not like symptoms are managed and it feels like, oh yeah, I'm kind of doing this, this thing. It's literally a matter of time before that stops. That's just how it is. Do you know what I mean? And that is helpful to remember that.

Speaker 1: 22:59

Otherwise, I'm going by this other standard where you know I'm flying, I'm flying, I'm going to, I want to fly forever Like it's not ever happened. It's not ever happened now, it's not happening in decades, it's not about to start happening. So there's something for me about managing my expectations and what can? That's how I see the inbox. It's like people are not going to stop sending me emails and messages Like this is the world that we live in, right? Emails, messages, whatsapp, text messages, instagram, dms. You know there's so many apps and things. Right?

Speaker 1: 23:35

Different email, I mean. How many email addresses have we all got as well. I've got loads right, so I forget as well. Sometimes I'll totally forget to check one for a really long time. I think, oh shit, I don't know what's going on in that part of my life, right? So what felt easier, I can't stop. I can't stop that, I can't do anything about that. What is what I can do something about? Is my the way I respond to that, and that's why it's like, oh, it feels better if I don't feel like I have to answer everything all the time.

Speaker 2: 24:07

Yes.

Speaker 1: 24:08

Yes, and then people can adjust their expectations accordingly, because we've all got people like that in our lives as well. We've all. I'm just going to let people put me in a position of oh, you know what Lola's like. You have to give her a. Yeah, put me in that category.

Speaker 2: 24:21

Put me in that category. What was that? A nudge, a nudge, yeah, you have to give her a nudge, you have to like, you know, little nudge, nudge, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:28

And that's not doing it on purpose, not doing it to be difficult, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:33

I appreciate a nudge. I live. I sent you an email six weeks ago, on a Monday.

Speaker 1: 24:40

Not a passive, aggressive nudge Bitch Delete.

Speaker 2: 24:47

Oh, it's too good. I'm glad we're amongst amongst friends here. I think that we I certainly you know I find it challenging to. I think the season of life I'm in is coming. You know, going all the way back, I've got like athletic training in my bones, like I was a really, really athletic child and as a child I was somebody who was training morning, day, night, weekends, like my very informative years were spent in this very intense disciplinary like state where I was constantly overriding my body's needs constantly and I couldn't even feel true hunger. All I remember feeling was like I'm starving all the time because I was overspending. I was in a consistent and constant deficit and that has just plagued me my whole life. I have, then, done that with overworking, entrepreneurship. I was thinking, I was thinking about this. This week I have had some higher quality reflection. This week I've really sort of very slowly stopping the high speed train. I've been feeling recently, which is just like there's so much happening in my life, but slowing the train down and sort of trying to get off and really reflecting back on some of these patterns of overriding and so, you know, getting myself to a burnout state.

Speaker 2: 26:31

I remember when I was 19, I was backpacking in Asia like the classic backpack route Safi's, asia Booze in every night with my mates.

Speaker 2: 26:46

We were animals. I was a total animal and at the same time as doing this trip, I had my laptop with me and I was running my organization. At the time I used to run this nonprofit and I remember the stress of the high speed of life I was living and then always having this laptop with me, and there's never been a six month period ever where I've not had something that I was really responsible for and that needed my attention. And then so I started my first organization when I was really young and then that faded out and this one I ran and now faded in. I've never not had it. I've never not had something to show up for, essentially and I think this is normal and we've all had this but I think I'm specifically talking about being responsible for your own business and being an entrepreneur and how susceptible some of us are to burnout by choosing these particular lifestyles, by choosing this particular kind of creative and career choice.

Speaker 2: 27:54

Absolutely, I think oh my god, I couldn't even take the six months off to be a 19 year old and go on a tear and just not give a fuck about anything Like I didn't have that Anyway. So how it links to today is my hunger to work is enormous. I love working, I love creating, I love business, and this is sort of feeling recently where I felt like I'm sort of feeling like I'm a bit of a slave to this thing, like I'm feeling like and I don't like how that feels at all there's like that means to me something's off.

Speaker 2: 28:32

We're out of alignment somewhere and I've been kind of, as I said earlier, I want a high speed train. I'm just trying to get off slowing down and I'm like, ok, what's going on underneath for me and I think the thing I'm starting to see is it's just not been enough time for replenishment and I cannot Like. Over the last few years I've been slowly slowing down, Like it's very long winded way of making my point, but like I'm slowly slowing down and really starting to respect my body, my cycles, my actual energy levels and if I'm absolutely deep bone tired, I'm acknowledging that, whereas for a long time I could override it I've got history of disordered eating I could override my hunger to just work, create, produce, and so now I'm sort of looking around for people, mentors and inspiration of people that Like I don't think we're giving a realistic picture of what's actually possible you're capable of when you're not overriding and when you're not like creating from.

Speaker 1: 29:46

It's a plea to say that burnout.

Speaker 2: 29:47

It's a plea to say like so much easier. If you don't want to feel your burnout, you just keep fucking going, because you could just keep riding it and around it, like actually acknowledging oh my God, I'm so fucking tired. It slows everything down and I feel like I'm capable right now of like 20% of my capacity, truly. And then I'm like maybe that's warped, maybe I'm not, maybe this is my actual capacity and I want to like these times for replenishing. To me it's like you're truly putting yourself back in the soil, you're truly putting yourself back underground and you're connecting yourself to the like my silly network of life and like allowing the energy to be plugged into something that isn't extracting and taking from you. And for me, what that's been looking like this in the last few days is I've actually been going back and like just looking at everything I've already done this year. I actually wrote a list on the train over here that I have all the events I've done, all of the all of the talks I've given this year.

Speaker 2: 31:11

I've got back out there on the scene. I've been doing more in person facilitation again. I've been organizing events and experiences. I've been experimenting with cooking. I've been experiencing with more erotic events. I've been experimenting with some of my old school kind of classic desire stuff. I've been doing these different ceremonies I've been. Actually when I looked at my list I was like that's worth digesting. Absolutely, that's a lot. That's a lot.

Speaker 2: 31:34

It was like 20 things on the list this September. So here I am, Mrs. I'm not done enough.

Speaker 1: 31:44

Yeah, it's weird, isn't it? Because I think there's so much in what you're saying. One of them is that for me, I'm really hearing the gift, the gift in burnout, right, because of that opportunity to highlight where you're misaligned, like when I'm burnt out, I can't, yeah, there's things I can't do, and even though my boundaries are quite good, it still surprises me how many things I probably still say yes to that are not, you know, holy hell yeses, but when I'm burnt out, it's like absolutely the bare minimum. You know, there's no pleasing, there's no falling in, there's no all right, then, oh, that's fine. Well, they've asked. I want to be, you know, to help care about it. It's clean, it's cleaner from my perspective anyway.

Speaker 1: 32:38

And then the other thing is, when you said about the work piece, sheer man, I mean, I've got a big history, so I come from one. I come from I'm a black woman for a start, right, so we're already just fucking conditioned to power through and push through, right, that's why everyone says you're so strong, and we come from generations of women before us that have been like that as well, right, for historical reasons, and then for cultural reasons as well, but that that shits in our bones, right. So so and I always say because I work a lot with women of color and I'm very usually and we usually feel like we're lazy as well. We usually feel like we're not doing enough and we're being lazy. So I always say like I don't believe any particularly women of color is lazy at all. Usually what we've got is just a really skewed understanding or no awareness of what enough is, is we tend to be the buck stops with us, right? So, and that's, that's, that's in us, and I've seen that in so many different types of way, even if there are men around and fathers around, and that's still just something we feel like it's down to us. So you grow up socialising that yeah, you go up seeing like your mom, as a machine or something, and I definitely saw that.

Speaker 1: 34:02

I think even by black women standards, my mom was ridiculously strong, like a beast, like completely right, and she taught us by what she showed us and what she said was. She taught us that you kind of just have to do it, do it, get it done, do it get it done. And I'm not knocking that, I'm glad I have that in me. I think it's important to have that. I've seen when people don't have that and I don't want to be like that. But the there is.

Speaker 1: 34:32

The journey is to learn what's enough and to like use it consciously, not compulsively like you said. That thing of like this train's running away and I can't, I'm becoming a slave to this thing, that's something else right, when it's like I can't stop, I can't switch off. So I was amazing at overriding my body, like overriding the body, pushing through was just, I didn't even know there was a. Yeah, that's just what you did, right, not for sports, that wasn't my thing, mine was, I was work. You know the drive, the ambition, and I've always liked, I've always really felt alive in the tougher environments, you know. So I like being on my toes, I like it when you've got to think creatively, meet targets. I'm kind of fired up for things like that more than the kind of in your own time.

Speaker 1: 35:30

That doesn't mean that thing.

Speaker 1: 35:33

That's historically.

Speaker 1: 35:34

That's not been the case for me for some time now, but historically that was the time.

Speaker 1: 35:37

That was me for a long time and a me that I feel like really hard to move, past Like she's in there.

Speaker 1: 35:47

So when I'm feeling burnt out, I particularly where I can hear her I call her the climb bitch. I will say that to you, and I'm like her motto is I always feel like she's always like climb bitch, you bet, climb, you bet, climb. And it's just, I was climbing, climbing, where am I climbing to? And also, you get so much external validation for that. You achieve so much, you get so much done, until you don't. I am 45 now and so about just before I turned 40, I could feel things changing physically or it's like, oh, and I kind of knew what was going on and it took me years to get my head around it, but it was. You keep overriding and pushing yourself too long, there's going to be a backlash, there's going to something that's going to happen and you're going to need years of rest and replenishment. So I feel like sometimes it's not even just the stuff in the moment, it's all that old stuff as well.

Speaker 1: 36:48

The body knows right, as that book says. The body keeps the score, so the mind's going I want to go over here and do this and do that. Why can't we do that? I'm not thinking that much, but the body is like OK, so I'm the one that's actually keeping check of what's going on and it has its own intelligence. It has its own intelligence and I'm saying this now and don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1: 37:15

Last week I did not feel and I think maybe that's one of my clues when I'm burnt out is that I can't access this kind of information. There's no. That awareness goes completely and I'm just like oh my God, something's wrong. You know, something's very, very, very wrong. What have I done? What have I done? That's the other thing. The other thing is taking it as a personal failing. There is something about that taking it as a personal failing, which I think you do if you're carrying around an internal standard that you should be able to do whatever you want whenever you want to do it, and if you can't, there's something wrong with you. Mm, hmm.

Speaker 2: 38:01

Mm, hmm.

Speaker 1: 38:03

And you just said it replenishment. Think about it. It's like We've said this before. It's like there's a colonization of your body. Right, you wouldn't do that to your car. You won't get in a car with no gas in it and expect it to run. Yeah, we don't sometimes put in the things our body needs, and I don't just mean aesthetically. Yeah, we don't just mean eating a particular diet so you don't put on weight. I'm not talking about that, we're talking about your body. That's another form of colonization of the body. Right, we're talking about letting your body have what it needs, letting your body be what it needs to be working with it. Right, I feel like and we'll see, because I'm still working at this, I've worked this for years, but I feel like my body won't give me the energy that I need to do the things I need to do until I start Working with it properly or more, and that means listening to it.

Speaker 2: 39:06

Yes, this is so beautiful, like as I listen to you it's it's Everything you just says To me. It feels applicable to so many things like what it brings up. For me specifically is For a long time I've been known as this, with this tagline of you can have it, like you can have it, and it's inspired. It's like I originally heard it for the first time in my one taste era and then it was something that resonated really deep with me and I used it in my work and it really resonated with a lot of people and but it's often misunderstood, right. So saying to someone this is linked specifically to desire. Often, when it comes to this is what this is my review now, like six years on from working with this for a long time.

Speaker 2: 40:05

In the beginning, you can have it is such a source of permission for the part of us that just believe, believes that things aren't possible for us, specifically with some kind of broken, that we don't deserve to receive goodness in life and beautiful things in life and love and all the beautiful things that we deeply want. But where it gets misunderstood is like you can have it and having it Comes with the burden and the responsibility of having it, the consequence of having it. So if having the thing you want means that it has An impact on your body and impact on your relationship, you have to face that right. Like it it doesn't mean you can't have it. You can and it's important that you believe you can. But the integration of the teaching is like you have to understand the impact of having it and that's where a lot of people want to throw it out the window of like well, you said I could have it. Say that again.

Speaker 1: 41:12

Say that again. I think that's so important.

Speaker 2: 41:17

Well, it's the maturity of, first of all, knowing yourself and, I would say, your soul deeply enough that you aren't allowing the kind of poisonous belief system of you can't have it. You can't have good things in your life. You can't have the things you want. You absolutely can. But you are a dynamic being. You do not exist in a silo. You're in relationships with other people, you live in a body and your having of something means that something is changing, something is being received, something is shifting your life. It has a knock on the back and a consequence to other things. You have to be willing to face and hold the consequence of that and not throw the baby out with the bathwater of like well, I didn't know it was going to be like this when I had it.

Speaker 1: 42:03

I love that so much that just yeah, that's deep, really deep. Because, as well, what I'm hearing there is that there's different settings. So often you know, as we always going on about the nuances, I was missing everywhere bloody time, right. So, yes, there is a kind of if you are in a place of, I don't think I can have a thing I want, that's one thing. That's one level. Right, that's one level. But once you've got that, once you're like, okay, I do believe I can have things.

Speaker 1: 42:38

Now I don't know, I think a lot of people just think it's like one and done or something Like, oh, that's it from one step to it and it's like it's not. I always. My version of that is that you always will. You'll grow into the person that has the thing. So, whatever it is you want that you don't have in your life, you know what you have in your life right now is kind of where you're at. So if you want something else, you're not going to just sit where you are and this thing come to you. What's going to happen is you're going to grow into the person that can have that thing. What I love about what you're saying is about the kind of consequences. What I'm hearing, the responsibility and the consequence we would. You know, we this weekend we me and my partner we're watching the David Beckham documentary Love it, Love it. It's this. Nostalgia is just doing me so much good the documentary was just like what the actual thought?

Speaker 1: 43:41

that was incredible, like, oh, and then the David Beckham documentary and I've been such a transition as well, so I'm really like shedding these old identities and I feel like these amazing documentaries that are just from really key times in my life are just just helping me. Man, we are a man, united, a family because of him, to be fair, and you know, we're about the same age as David Beckham. So this is our era, this is our kind of like, you know, and I've been with my partner for a long time. So it really just watching it and being like what was happening then and where was we then and what was happening you know and just remembering all the things.

Speaker 1: 44:20

But what was really interesting is he loves me and I it, and he's a big Alex Ferguson fan and you know I'm a fan of Alex Ferguson too. And as we've grown older and as we have, as the world has changed, you know, and as I do a lot of work around leadership now you know there's a lot in his leadership that I do not agree with. I get that it was of its time and my other half really, I mean he's, you know, indoctrinated into the cult of Sir Alex, so and he's not moving from there and that's fine, so it's. But it doesn't want me to say the things, because I'm watching and you know there's some really horrible things in there, like in terms of just and I knew it from at the time like the sort of real discarding of him. And there's been other players, my God, he's really thrown his way around over the years with Roy Keane and Paul in some and yeah, stan, there's been some real ones real up.

Speaker 1: 45:21

Whoa he's not looking about, but all my partner can talk about is how his methods worked. They won't try, especially because they don't win shit. No more, it's not fun Anyone out there who's partner or who themselves. But I reckon most of you at least listen to us are going to be women. To be fair and very general speaking, here is something about a male football fan. It's not a fun times be with a man United fan. It's not has a bit for a few years to be fair. But anyway, the point I'm trying to make travel, travel is, oh my.

Speaker 1: 46:03

God the travel is oh my God, I was a fan when they won the treble like later on.

Speaker 2: 46:10

That was when I started becoming a fan. Early 2000s, not the first treble, and so yeah, my man. United era was also in the triple times and there was no time like that.

Speaker 1: 46:19

In the 99 99 triple that.

Speaker 2: 46:23

No, there was a treble. There was a treble when I was about like 13 or 14.

Speaker 1: 46:29

No, problem, not like that one.

Speaker 2: 46:33

I mean, I think it was.

Speaker 1: 46:36

What you love this. We're now football podcast.

Speaker 2: 46:39

I like it, without any knowledge, but anyway. I mean, I specifically remember the one in the treble and 99, 99 I would have been. I would, I was a bit too young. What year was 91.

Speaker 1: 46:54

Oh, so you've been eight. Okay, I was born in 78. I don't remember how old I was, but I remember it was my last year at uni, I was graduating. I graduated in 99. So it's about 21 then. Actually, when I think about it, oh, so good.

Speaker 1: 47:09

Anyway, I digress point I'm trying to make is that all that he can talk about is it worked, we won, we worked, we won Right. And For me, this is this is the, this is the way in up thing, and I don't know the answer to this question, right? And then I'm not in a rush to find the answer out to this question, but by societal standards of success, can you win, if can you win, without overriding your body, like chronically? Obviously, sometimes you're going to, that's okay. I'm not saying never do it, but when it's like all the time, all day, every day, this is the standard, I don't know. I don't know if you can, I don't know. So there is where we're going to leave that episode on burnout. The conversation goes on for so much longer, but we just thought it'd be best to split it into two parts. So stay tuned for part two, and thank you so much for listening to part one.