We love hearing from our listeners. You can email us at juicypodcastHQ@gmail.com.
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Olivia @olivialaraowen
Lola @lola.fayemi
We love hearing from our listeners. You can email us at juicypodcastHQ@gmail.com.
Follow us on Instagram @juicypodcast.
Olivia @olivialaraowen
Lola @lola.fayemi
We're back. Welcome back to the Juicy Podcast. We've had a little break for January, for Christmas, for life, for winter, and we are back, hey, liv.
Speaker 2:What's happening Lowe?
Speaker 1:Liv is giggling. Already she's got herself on mute and it's putting me off what's happening. Lowe, yeah, I'm all right. First of all, let me just say that this is our first Juicy recording of 2024. We're six EPs deep and we've been receiving some really gorgeous feedback from the people that this is, for which we've been thoroughly not feedback. I don't like that because that sounds like I don't know. It sounds a bit worky, right. What I mean is just comments. We've been receiving some really lovely favorable comments. We appreciate this.
Speaker 1:Pods not for everyone. Everything isn't for everyone. We don't play that game, but the people that it's for are really showing us how much it's resonating. Yes, this is the first time we're going to be doing an episode with that kind of vibe, right, that kind of We've just been speaking into the abyss up until this point, right? And now it's like a little bit like oh, people are actually listening and people have been like when's the next episode? Like I want to listen to the next episode. I've even had clients reference the podcast in our sessions and bring topics to speak about in the sessions, like inspired by the pods episodes. So that's like super exciting, don't you think, liv?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I've had that too. I've had that too. I had that last week. One of my ladies was telling me about listening to endings and she was saying like she could only listen to it in like 20 minute chunks and then she'd like put it down and it'd be so rich and she'd be digesting it, and then she'd come back. I was like that's exactly how I listen to it when I listen back.
Speaker 1:That's how I listen to pretty much everything at the end of the day, right? So we have limited attention spans, right? Liv and I both have limited attention spans. So this pod is like use it as you need to use it Like we're not attached to you, listening to all in one go. We do not want you to sit there and force it down your throat. This is not foie gras. Yeah, definitely not. How you doing, liv. What's going on in your world?
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, just doing way too much, though. Just really in the swing of 2024, like nicely in the swing. I've got a lot going on and I'm loving it. I'm feeling stretched. I've got a new body of work out called the Liberated Woman, so that's been really exciting. That's been something I've been working on for.
Speaker 1:I wish we had sound effects. I would pull one now like Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm feeling really excited about it.
Speaker 2:I've been doing this work for working as a coach and building curriculum and online programs and journeys, and I've been working with people one to one for a good six, seven years now and it's really cool to feel the iterations of it as I grow and evolve as a woman and the Liberated Woman for me feels like the woman I've become.
Speaker 2:All the places I've got free, all the places where I've felt myself kind of shake the cage of my conditioning and shake the cage of the cage of you felt limited by what I believed about myself and what I believe was possible in my life. So I'm bringing out the work and it's really all about, like, places where free and places where not free and owning it and working with that and working to alchemise all that stuff, and so I'm feeling like this is a really meaningful journey and it's culminating with a live experience in Paris and so I'm feeling so worked by it. I'm like my God, I can't believe I'm doing this, can't believe I'm bringing people to Paris. Yes, I can't believe I'm bringing this body of work out. It's been a very liberating year for me, so it's nice. So that's kind of yeah, top of mind. For me, it's that really centre, centre stage as I navigate the next few weeks.
Speaker 1:Nice, well done babes. It's been really beautiful to watch this whole process unfold as well and see you go through another level of liberation to bring the liberated woman out, and that's very much what the world needs, right? I mean fucking hell, more and more and more each time, you know is more liberated, more women that are liberated from all the bullshit, oppressive systems that we've been bound by, you know so. Well done you, babe. Thank you, darling. Are you still have you got? Is it full or are you still? There's still spaces or something. What's the deal?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely wide open right now. So it's currently an application. So if anyone's listening to this and you're like, fuck, yes, do I want to be a liberated woman and yes, I want to work with Olivia, yeah, it's absolutely open for enrolments and so there's an application process and, as of today, this will probably this will have been been and gone, but tomorrow I'm doing a free masterclass, all about liberating on, free from society's expectations, how to unleash your liberated woman. So I'm doing that tomorrow, which is the seventh, sixth of Feb, six of Feb, wow, already, yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:And then the program's going to start on the 20th, so if you're listening to this and it's before the 20th, get your application in. There's a link. We'll put the link in the show nights and you can find the page. And if in just in general, if you follow me on Instagram, you're on my list, you'll be getting lots of liberated women. Juice, juicy, juice juice.
Speaker 1:Nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Nice and we can't guarantee. We're not at the stage yet where you can guarantee when this podcast episode is going to be put out. So what I would say is, if this kind of tickles people's fancies and you know you want the masterclass, I'd probably just say reach out to you directly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, great.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that feels nice, right Instagram DMs? Slide into Liv's DMs and request what you need. She might say yes.
Speaker 2:She will say yes. So that's me, babe. I'm excited in a very creative spot and I've loved January. I always love January. I find it to be such a nice transitionary month. I really like to luxuriate in this sort of speed. It's such a permission to go slow and I like that. And then February feels a bit like running a marathon, but again, as I said at the beginning, I'm really quite liking it, enjoying. I'm enjoying the speed. So yeah, lots of soul juice right now, which is what we want.
Speaker 1:Nice yeah.
Speaker 2:What about you, darling?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so lots. I'm just one of those people. There's always lots going on in my world and the main things I think at the moment are since the last time we spoke, which, when I look back at my notes, was I think the 22nd of December. It was definitely before Christmas and it was December 2023. And I've moved. I just moved about a month previous. I've moved Now. We've been in for like two and a half months. We are reclaiming the space.
Speaker 1:The move is like a massive move in my world, where the moving incorporates my mom living with me now, as well as my partner and my son, and you know mom's getting older needs to look in after, and it's a responsibility I chose right. I knew there would be challenges, but it's like this feels right. I want to do this. So I feel like we're over one phase. I'm sure it's a journey of multiple phases, probably thousands of thousand phases. I feel like we've done the first one. We're in and I'm finding my way. You know I got away after over Christmas, we went to a spa for a couple of nights, which always does me good and gives me time to think, got really clear on some of the themes that I might want to think about next year, coming into this year, and I think the main one. If there was like a tree, this would be like the trunk, and then there's all these branches that come off of it and the main trunk of the tree is like around not over functioning Right Now.
Speaker 1:As a coach, we often in coaching we often get our clients to reframe negatives into positives. So you know, if I had a client and they were like not over functioning, I would get them to maybe start thinking about what is it to not over function as opposed to not doing something. What are you doing? But honestly, this one feels right. It's like I'm so prone to over functioning. It's so everywhere in my world. It's just like my default. I don't think it's my true default, but it's like my conditioned default setting to override and over function everywhere. But at the moment I feel like I'm just that's enough. I want to just pay attention. I'm having the experience of noticing myself override and over function. I'm nowhere near this place of being able to know what that is in the affirmative. I've got no fucking clue. So I'm going to be here not over functioning.
Speaker 1:That came through as I was sitting there, battered and bruised and just like what the actual fuck. I've also got like a health condition going on in my pelvic area. So there's been lots of investigations and really working with my bodies, like in my room, my ovaries we're still in the investigative phase but it's very like cystic. The cysts in there, you know, there's either fibroids or adenomiosis, they call it, which is like the cousin of endometriosis. I can really feel them when they. I can really feel the flare up and I can feel certain times emotionally you know interactions and situations I feel the flare up.
Speaker 1:So I'm kind of in communication with my womb in a way that I've never been before in my life, which feels really good and not I mean, feels good, doesn't actually feel good, if that makes sense, but it feels right. You know, and I'm glad to have that contact and I know it's linked to creativity and creating things and you know things were created last year. A new reality is being created, a way of holding the matriarch role in my family in a way. It's never been held. You know, I'm not here to hold it as a burden and a sufferer badge of suffering and martyrdom it's. I want to hold it differently, you know. I want to hold it in a way of like creativity and imagination and leadership and empowerment and thriving.
Speaker 1:So I get the whole thing going on down there. I can feel the link, and what else do I want to share with you all? It's just so much percolating in my goddamn brain, but I think what my focus is this year is actually on balance. Yeah, it's really on balance, and again, I'm in the tracking phase of that at the moment. I know that you said you're doing way too much. I too am doing way too much, and actually what we want to speak about today is something that we speak about often and have yet to master, and it's called we call it right sizing. You know the, I suppose, the concept of having a right sized life.
Speaker 1:I think you may have been. I don't know. I feel like you might have been the first person I heard you use that term. I'm not sure, but there was definitely something that came alive when you started mentioning it a few years back. What does it mean to you to be right sized?
Speaker 2:I just want to acknowledge that you shared some really rich things just in that opening like check in how you're doing, and I want to hope that we can kind of circle back to some of those threads around overfunctioning. I think it's all linked in, but overfunctioning the body, health and then the matriarch leadership piece. I know we've talked a lot about them offline, but I think I'd love to let you hold a lot of wisdom here. So I just want to put a mark in the ground for that.
Speaker 1:Can I just say as well. One more thing I had a birthday in January.
Speaker 2:I always forget about that.
Speaker 1:Halfway through January. I'm born January the 15th. All gifts still welcome. Yeah, I'm 46 now, so I'm over the hump. I'm now officially in my late 40s. Can you believe it? Oh my? God I love it Nuts.
Speaker 2:January is always such an amazing month for me it's your birthday, catherine's birthday, my mum's birthday, my brother's, sean's birthday in the space of like a week. Wow, it's like proper like all my ride or die peoples.
Speaker 1:I really resent having to share that week with the rest of them. I want it all to myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sorry about that. 46 babes Love it, love it.
Speaker 1:So sorry, I just interrupted as I tend to Right size him. What's it?
Speaker 2:to you Size him. Well, I want to say, when I first heard this term I've heard it in a few different places, but when I first heard it, and also in the way I've used it in my work because it's definitely something my clients would have heard me talk about it kind of goes back to this piece of the places where we put constraints on ourselves and it's sort of the antidote to that. It's like if I was to remove the constraints about myself as a woman. So, for example, even just energetic size, I've always been a big energy and I've always felt the impact walking through the world with a big energy and then, as that big energy has been met with various degrees of contempt or pushback or I've had experiences of the world being like that's a bit much, I've downsized and sort of tried to stuff my energy into a smaller hole or a pocket or I tried to kind of contort myself into a pretzel to be more of a more appropriate energetic size for the people in my life or the people around me or just anybody anywhere. So for me, right size is sort of like learning about myself as I saw that in all encompassing, being like if I was to just own and unlock and unleash myself, my expression, my creativity, my capacity, my literal capacity of like how much energy I have, how much capacity I have to create, be lead in the world. That's kind of me at my right size. It's not too big, it's not too small.
Speaker 2:Some people are, they're like resize to use a slightly different term would be a little bit more pulled into themselves than maybe they are out in the world. Maybe they are actually overstretched and they're kind of pushing themselves further out into the world. Some people are really hidden and they actually their right size is to be bigger and they need to grow into that, that version of them. So it's just, it's a little bit as I'm saying this on that. It's interesting.
Speaker 2:I think the word that's resonated a bit more with me recently has been resizing and that's sort of more of a constant changing based on the seasons and based on where I'm at cyclically with things.
Speaker 2:I'm sort of like resizing myself based on how I'm feeling on the inside and what's happening in life. I think right sizing is more of a kind of life's work path of like what is an appropriate size for you. And where I've personally experienced this is I've been pretty vocal and public about this. But a couple of years ago I, when I first moved to France, I lived alone for the first time and I could feel that I really had an issue with food and I could feel intuitively that it was really linked to energy. And not wanting to lose control and not wanting to sort of let my energy out and create the things that I wanted to create, I sort of was using food as a way to restrict myself and it was less about physical body size and a lot more about creative energy and like how it was sort of my last attempt at keeping my expression locked in.
Speaker 1:Okay, so like controlling, trying to control how much food you're well, just trying to control everything. So trying to get how much food you're taking in, how much you're doing, maybe even how people respond to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all of it. It was like a sort of starving, a sort of starvation, so I could only ever get to a certain size. I couldn't really grow beyond a certain size. I couldn't really like sort of. I think in order to grow and to expand, we do need to release control 100%.
Speaker 2:And that for me. I think we all have our own version of like how do we stay in control? One of my major ones was around food and in order to right size. It's an interesting metaphor because actually, as I right size, I literally my body changed. For the first time I actually got bigger and I gained, like, I think, 20 pounds and just my body is actually quite different now and it feels so much more right sized for my essence and body and being to be a bigger woman.
Speaker 2:Because a really thin woman and I. It just wasn't a match for, like, who is really in here, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yes, it does. Okay, Interest him, interest him. Yeah, what about you?
Speaker 2:How do you define it?
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm going to give it a stab now. But for me what resonated when you said right sized was one of those phrases that as soon as I heard it I don't know if I necessarily knew what it meant, but it meant something to me immediately I kind of made up my own meaning, which was this sense I had had, this sense in my life of, I feel like mostly in my life, you know, like in. Do you know what the Goonies is? This might be a little bit before your time. Yeah, of course I know what the Goonies is Just trying to be generationally respectful, but all like Indiana Jones, you know those kind of adventurry kind of films and I think it's Goonies and they've got this, this image of people being in a kind of wagon or something on this weird in a cave, right, it's like a roller coaster vibe and you know, and everyone's screaming and the music's really hype.
Speaker 1:My life feels like that most of the time, right, it really does like a runaway fucking thing and so and I think that's just me actually right and so big. There was a stage in my journey I also had to learn about the control piece, because I had this, this feeling of needing to almost want to be able to touch everything metaphorically, and things wanted to. My nature is that things want to grow beyond way anything that I can touch, and so that was the hard bit. But then letting go and being on that roller coaster runaway wagon is really thrilling and scary, right. So I almost feel I've got a state that I call it climb bitch. I feel like there's like a person inside of me kind of like you bet climb bitch. You know we got to do this. You bet climb bitch. It's kind of. It's kind of sassy and harsh and it's like you want that. You bet climb bitch. So I had this sense of always just kind of like I don't know, trying to keep up with myself or something and it's exhausting and I don't want to do it and also I couldn't stop it. This is before the ADHD diagnosis. That explains a lot, right.
Speaker 1:So when you first said right size, it was when I was going for a stage of just really everything was feeling really out of control, though you know, okay, yes, this runaway wagon nature is my nature and there's something about what is the right size of my life which I think changes. By the way, I don't think it's static. But it's like, in this season, what does my life want, you know? And in this season, what does my life like? The reality is I'm all over the place.
Speaker 1:So there's a summer season to me, right. That's like, oh, let's have it. You know, I can do that and I kind of attached to that for a long time. I was kind of attached to that. It's a lot of fun, right. And then there's also, you know, the winter in me that wants to just curl up and cocoon. And my theme song for this year I think I'm still in it, I think it's kind of well, who knows? But my theme song is that called Delia. I love it. I listen to it all the time. Now, I think I like this little life.
Speaker 2:I just love it.
Speaker 1:Because it's like there is. I've been getting to know that part of me over the years. You know that part that's like do you like this little life?
Speaker 2:I love my little life.
Speaker 1:And I never knew that I would like little, little things. You know, this kind of sense of satisfaction and contentment and enoughness.
Speaker 1:You know it feels so good and that's like a foundation. So right sizing to me was like finding the right size of life, work, relationship, experience Like I don't. My tendency was to stretch. Yeah okay, I was always willing to stretch. So I suppose it's about knowing what your tendency is, first and foremost, and then starting there and then kind of figuring out what happens after that, Like what happens if I don't stretch yes, If I can live my life without stretching all the bloody time you know. Hence also this to will it back to the beginning, this overriding and overfunctioning, like that's how that, that's a standard mode of operating for me that I'm so tired, tired of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this, this definition feels more resonant, like what I'm hearing you say is, and what's kind of humming inside of me is like this, this cyclical, seasonal, and so the right I think I used to define right size as and I think this was sort of like my influences at the time where this personal growth path was sort of to a degree linear in the sense that the entire point is just expand, expand, expand and just get bigger and bigger and bigger and like more powerful and more consumptive and more influential and big, and I and I sort of bought into. I bought into that for a while, that like, okay, if I'm not expanding, there's something wrong. Actually, my true nature and I think the nature of the things I value, and the thing that I think is more true for existence, especially as a woman, is that we're a cyclical and seasonal beings and there are times for great output and times for great input, and that happens in a 30 day cycle in the month, that happens in a lunar cycle and the years and, like you know, literal, you know, right now we're Northern Hemisphere, we're sort of spring is around the corner, but we're not quite there yet, we are actually still wintering, and so I think this. I think if I was to redefine it for myself, I would actually somewhat call it resizing, because to me that's somewhat more of a transient, movable container that has me be able to attend to, because you know this, this permission to be small and this small life, is really important. I've given that to.
Speaker 2:I can recall some really powerful moments with clients over the years of just sort of saying like I think this might be a season of being quite small for you and and not doing very much and not being very much and just allowing yourself to not have to expand and grow and stretch, and that you can have the little life. I think that is so gorgeous and I love what you said about. You know, if you have your, if you have a tendency to stretch and I'm definitely someone that's like how can I fucking have it all the time Like that Definitely my MO is to like just try and overachieve and pump and push and force, and there's time and a place for that. And there's time and a place where you need to replenish and recharge and rot and like slough and do jack shit.
Speaker 1:Completely.
Speaker 1:It's really interesting as well, living with my mom again you know, because a lot of this stuff comes from her, really, and seeing certain patterns. I mean, she's not the same. Obviously she's older now, but there's something about it's not even about the experiences we're having, but it's something in the dynamic or in the air or whatever, where I can feel and parts of this and parts of me that have come back online that I probably haven't seen for a long time. I'm not lived with my mom in well over 20 years, right? So, and even though the dynamic is different, it's not, it's not like a mother door in the old sense. It's really weird. I'm still sort of like sitting with all this stuff, but it's very different, and yet it's us two right where we are now.
Speaker 1:I'm really aware of a lot of patterns that I used to see growing up that were normalized to me and definitely over functioning was my mom's way, and it's overriding over functioning and just like paying attention to things outside of herself. That needed to be done. I think that's how she's, that's how it felt, like she did it, like what needs to be done. I'm going to do it. That's it. Yeah, it's no regard for anything else. Really is just what needs to be done Incredible resilience and strength and all this kind of stuff that you get from that, but it's completely bypassing the body. It's completely bypassing the capacity, the limits. So those sorts of words rule dirty words for me and weak like a weakness. It'd be like that weak, pathetic bitch over there that's just like, oh, I can't, because I'd be like I didn't aspire. That's how I used to see it.
Speaker 2:But I ask you a question about over functioning because I feel like you have a relationship to this. I would love if you can describe what that actually means, like what would be considered in your definition and your own relationship to self over functioning.
Speaker 1:A bit like what I just described then. It's like having your attention on what needs to be done and then doing it and nothing else is going on right. Everything else is an inconvenience. Interruptions are an inconvenience, sleep is an inconvenience, need to eat is an inconvenience. All the stuff. There's a lot actually that goes on in life, a lot that needs to be maintained. There are things around the house. There's like washing and cleaning and socializing and going to the supermarket. There's all these kind of functional things that you've got to do in life.
Speaker 1:And over functioning is, for me, having zero awareness of your own limits and capacity and patterns and like, actually, if I do this on one day, then maybe I need to rest on another day. It's just an expectation to constantly go to produce to make happen. There's no flow, right, it's just push. There's force. Sometimes pushing force doesn't look how you think it's going to look either. Right, sometimes you don't feel like I'm not pushing and forcing, but you kind of are, because you're kind of anxious. Right, there's a fear you're coming from, a fear that all the things won't be done, not a trust or a joy that things will be done when they'll be done.
Speaker 1:So I'm in this kind of in-betweeny place at the moment of both, for here I feel like the overfunctioning awareness is here and I'm tracking and I'm noticing, and then actually I'm also seeing lots of places where I've got good and better at honouring my capacity and limits and also feeling the feelings that come with that as well. I remember when I was living with my mum again now, and obviously at the beginning, like moved in, there was a stage where it's like I could feel as though, right, okay, I'm going to literally die if I don't try, and because it's easy for me to go there as a default and to, if I've not had enough sleep, if I'm stressed, yeah, it's easy for me just to go back into that place, right.
Speaker 1:So you know, get it done. What needs to be done, get it done. Also, you tell you what you don't do in this place. You don't really tend to any of your relationships. You're very task focused, not relationship focused at all. Like these people. They're just idiots that are in the fucking way. You know what I mean. Just fucking idiots. Yeah, yeah, shit to get done, get it done. Right, it's not, it's not. You know, it's kind of harsh, it's. And then you kind of get it done and then no one's talking to you, right, I don't want to like you anymore, they're just like over you.
Speaker 1:But yeah, that pattern, and I remember there was this one stage where, like you know, we're coming in and unpacking all this stuff, and it's Christmas as well coming up, and last year was a lot and batters from the year. I'm discombobulated and disoriented. You know there's parts of my psyche that go why are we living with her again? What's going on? You know everything was going on. And I remember this one day and I said oh yeah, I'm really tired today, I'm going to be resting for most of the day. She's the same thing, but in my mind maybe she thought it, though in my mind I had imagined whatever, I all heard her give me a dirty look and being like rest, rest, what is rest.
Speaker 1:You know, like I've got the luxury to. It was this kind of vibe, and I remember just feeling like I mean, none of it was going on around me. It was just kind of in my mind. It was mad how it was, like I could see it. I was like I'm imagining this whole thing, you know, and even if she does think that or say that, like she's entitled to, I don't have to take any of it on board, which I do feel able to not take on board.
Speaker 1:But I can hear the kind of baggage around that and how deeply this runs. This runs so deep this is. It's not just my mom, right, it's much bigger than my mom. It's a pattern in the family, for a start, and then on top of that, it's a pattern that has allowed me to be recognized and rewarded a lot by society. It fits into the societal basic standards of, you know, like when you know we all kind of do it.
Speaker 1:When there's someone you know, we hear like somebody's climbed Everest, or they know those people that run, like I'm going to run 100 marathons in 100 days, why, why? But we do kind of have the thing inside of us as an autopilot that's like, oh wow, well done, congratulations. You know what I mean. There's something that we're like this is a good thing. We should be, you know, not the person who's like I'm done nothing today and rested and tended to my nervous system. We don't go really so much. Yeah, well done you. You know no one's going to give you any props or praise for that right. People are probably going to think you're a right lazy cow.
Speaker 2:There was a period of time in my life when I used to run education back in the day, where I was constantly fundraising and what, and I would like do it all myself. So be like, right, I'm going to run five marathons this year and I'm going to, I'm going to do like I think I called it like the five death challenge or something, whereas I'm going to build up to not just a marathon, but it was like an obstacle course marathon, like one of them, like mud trails, where you're doing like horrendous things, and I was like that was my idea of a good time, that was my idea of you know, how do I create value in what I'm doing? I'm going to completely destroy myself. And I was just listening to you. I was thinking, you know, what you and I have been doing recently Is we've been really like waxing lyrical about rest, and I want to bring in Trisha Hersey because I've been reading the book rest is resistance. Have you been reading it as well?
Speaker 1:No, I've just bought it.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah it's. I've been like kind of dipping in, but anyone who doesn't know this, this book, or Trisha Hersey it's called. Rest is resistance and manifesto, and I'm just going to read a little little nug for you Treating each other and ourselves with care isn't a luxury but an absolute necessity if we're going to thrive. Resting isn't an afterthought but a basic part of being human. Amen, sister.
Speaker 1:I mean, in all fairness, that is weird the way my mind works. I'm not like an earthling earthling, really right. So I hear in that what you said. The same thing I used to hear in back in the olden days when they used to be like oh my God, richard Branson is so groundbreaking about the way he runs business. Here's a Richard Branson quote treat your employees like human beings. I'm like what the fuck is wrong with us that someone needs to tell us that.
Speaker 1:And we hear that as groundbreaking shit, like there's something about us as fucks right, and I hear that in the same thing. It's like that obviously obviously right, kind of this. But I get it. The conditioning is so such a head fuck. But it's like obviously I've been working with, so I have my own process that I work with personally for a few years before I took out to people and it really it's a really powerful process and that helps people discern the difference between their conditioning and their truth and many other things. But that process had brought that to my attention Because it's I'm not taking anything away from Trisha at all, by the way, because I think that work is incredible and I've been following the Nat Ministry for years. Really, I just haven't got around to reading the book because you know, it's funny how to read things at the moment.
Speaker 2:Well, it's very manifesto, like. It's kind of just like a boom, boom. It's a good like pick up for a nice. I actually think the way she writes in that quote was on more of the basic side, but actually think that she writes in quite a textured way. She's got quite an activist tone, so it's very direct. It's very like rest is resistance is the message, and it is very like I'm going to challenge, I'm going to just keep challenging and challenging and challenging all of your beliefs and values and structures around your beliefs, around rest. It has that kind of tone, so it's. It's so to me it's a pick up every once in a while. Read versus like I'm going to leisurely enjoy this book.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's good to know. But I think also for me it's like yes, I know it, I know she's an activist because and that and that's really important part of her message because I've also seen her message get co-opted a lot around, people thinking it's just about rest.
Speaker 1:It isn't just about rest is actually the fact that rest it says rest, it's like a rest but actually what we're really talking about is dismantling systems of oppression, like yeah, and I don't want to take that out of it because and I think because I've been on my own journey of that for a number of years, constantly on hook and on hook and on hook in that shit will come to you the more you unhook from the system. Anyway, it's an obvious thing, because capitalism is just go, go, go, go, go, more, more, more, more, more, do, do, do, do, do Right, and look at nature. You know, in the one the leadership work that I do, we do a lot of equine leadership and that is. It's just the fucking so powerful, so incredible, and I've been really fortunate to have experienced it a few times as well personally, and then also just observe multiple people go through the process and absolute privilege and profound life changing experience. And so we do it with senior leaders in tech companies. And when you do that work, what is the horses basically will? It's a leadership thing and the horses respond to congruence. So it's helping you ultimately to find your find some more information about your authentic leadership with real time response from these big motherfucking beasts and there's so much magic going on around it. But they as other animals. If you just look in nature, most of the time they just lying around guys. Yeah, I remember one time we were doing it and Dave who does the horse work incredible man, dave.
Speaker 1:We was talking about like the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. So the sympathetic nervous system, the sort of stress fight, flight, and the parasympathetic, the more rest digest karma, and we do these exercises to kind of activate both and stuff. And I remember sitting one time, what, what is the actual percentage of time we're supposed to spend in the parasympathetic nervous system? And there isn't like a black and white answer, but it's something like 15%, no, 90, 85, 80, 90%. Parasympathetic animals, hunt, you know, go. Is that even when you're just focusing? Just focusing on something activates your sympathetic nervous system? A stress response in your body right, because on an animal level it's kind of like hunt is activated. Right Again, you can feel this stuff.
Speaker 1:You know, I think for me I've been healing. This year will be the 10 year anniversary of my commitment, dedicated immersion to healing from trauma in my body, and where that journey has taken me, it will take you there, because it's not actually, unfortunately it's not groundbreaking on a true, truly level. It's massively groundbreaking because of the systems we've been hooked into. But I just sometimes it makes you feel very, very sad and I struggle with it. So I do understand that it is a thing that makes me feel sad that we need to keep reminding people to rest, like it, you're fucked without your rest. You ain't got nothing if you ain't sleeping properly.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your body literally needs to like, recover and restore, and then we've got this stupid bio hacking and shit. That's just like how can I do more? How can I? How can I? And I remember like there's a stage on my journey where it really energy. My energy just turned a massive corner and suddenly it was on the floor Back in 2016. And it was a bit like what the fuck? But I could also feel the truth of, like the language I would use now is like I've been overriding for too long, though I feel like it's just caught up with me. So it makes sense in these to recover. Yeah, we're just doing it. So. So this right sizing is like resizing. By the way, I love that. I get that because it is a again.
Speaker 1:It's that constant stages of life. I'm 46 now. I'm in the sandwich generation. I've got my mom. I've got my son. You know, my son has autism. My mom is getting old. She's fine, but she's getting old and she can't do as many things for herself as she used to do. These things have to be factored into my day. I can't be living my life based on how I live my life when I was 29 years old, which I think sometimes a lot of us, if we were honest with ourselves, would realize that's what we're doing. And even then it was just easier to override at that age. That's all that is about. It was nonsense then.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, what I'm feeling as I listen to you is just like, I totally hear you on Like how is this even a revolutionary idea? But it is, and I think it is. You know, when you think about how many of us, how many people are plugged into, are just so fucked over by the system and are so deeply in survival and that the illusion is so thick that rest is rest and sleep is absolutely an absolute afterthought. You know I'm thinking about, I'm thinking about the older generation, especially here. I'm thinking about like, I'm thinking about my mom also has this sort of superhero, like nature to her of, like I always say to my mom, like I've never met anybody with so much will and I think that she could will her way through anything and it's, you know, there's a beautiful strength in her that I am very grateful for and inspired by. There's a resilience. You know she's facing tough shit and she's she continues to inspire me and I think that I do appreciate coming from a strong woman and a woman that could do a lot and take care of herself and and make it through. You know, many, many challenging parts of being a woman in this world and so much of, I think my influence over her is to encourage her to put her own enjoyment at the center of her life and put her own well being at the center of her life and to continually sort of challenge this notion of the unbelievable addiction to overriding and I think a lot of that comes from when we do rest.
Speaker 2:I mean, resting feels like shit, let's be honest. It fucking feels awful to slow the pony down and and that's the discretion I like to sometimes I'm like, oh my god, I'm like full of adrenaline or I'm creating something and I'm like go, go, go, go go, I'm producing and it feels great. And then I'm like, oh shit, I've got to like bring the pony down and like put her in the stable and feed her and bath her and put her to bed and sing her lullaby and like stop this kind of high speed train. Sometimes it feels like my, my life and.
Speaker 2:But that has got so much easier over time because it's a daily thing. It's like you, you finish a day and you have time and space, or you create time and space to basic, fucking foundational needs food, bath water, sleep. Shut it off, put it down. But the unbelievable amount of insomnia that exists amongst my friends and, like my peers, people my age kind of mid, early to mid thirties, entrepreneur, entrepreneurial types. It's really common to hear people go oh yeah, I never fucking sleep, A real problem with sleep. Yeah, yeah, never sleep, I might insomnia come back constantly.
Speaker 1:Any tips, or even people that are not having, because I don't think sleeping alone is enough. I can. There's different quality, different qualities of sleep, so you might sleep, they might be, might not be, rested. I just want to say two things actually. I'm gonna say the actual phrase is for me, it's sad that it's revolutionary, that's what it is. It's sad that this is revolutionary for us. And then also, regarding the resize in, because I'm now going to be using that size now, using that term, now, not right size him is.
Speaker 1:We just said that about rest feeling like shit. It's not just the rest is, it is, because what it is is like you stop everything. Cash is up to you. You know that you don't get to feel when you're rushing around and fill in your time and space and that gives you the opportunity to realign. Right, that's what it does.
Speaker 1:Because when you talk about your mom, what I was thinking about was I mean, I see this family, I see this pattern in my family, right, and I'm sure it's not. I know it's not just my family, right, but this will I love when you said will, oh, my God, the will, bloody hell. You know, yeah, great, great that we have it. You know, like when we were moving, there was an element of. There was a couple of days I was like I'm just going to need to push through the difference, is now aware of it, like I want to have access to that when I need it, just not have it as a default mode of operating, and also recognize that afterwards I'm going to need to recover Right, and what I've seen with us and our will is how do I put this into words?
Speaker 1:There's something about what you then choose to Now hold on. What is this? There's no discernment. The discernment of what you then choose to apply that will to is missing when you're just looking in your environment and you're like, okay, what needs to be done, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna use my will to do it. What you don't get to do is because you're in survival. You don't get to stop and choose. Do I wanna do this? Why am I doing this?
Speaker 1:I have also seen a lot of women put that energy and will and resilience towards really shit relationships. When you stop, rest and slow down, you may actually get to feel the truth that this person's not right for me right, as opposed to constantly sticking cellotape all over it. So and so there was something for me about keeping that amazing quality, that amazing will and ability to regenerate some of this kind of stuff that we have, and being discerning about what I wanna use it, for which I am which is about creating a new reality, ending this bullshit cycle of nonsense because I can, and, yeah, creating a new reality for myself and for my family and using it for my imagination and not just using it to prop up and make do and cellotape. I hate that. And I'm seeing brown tape here. Yeah, I hate that vibe of like it's broken, throw it away, get a new one. Yeah, that's what I wanna say. That's the power of resizing.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, it's like if you're in a toxic relationship with anything in life, you're not gonna know it's toxic and the cost of how much that's affecting you until you start detoxing, right. So if you're like someone who's overworking, overriding, when you actually pause and rest you're gonna feel the withdrawal of how far away like replenishment, nourishment, balance might feel and you're gonna feel, wow, like I'm really pushing myself and it's really hard to recover. Maybe I need to sort of examine internally whether this kind of speed and tone and texture of my life is really working for me. But you're not gonna ever really feel the cost and the impact until you really pause.
Speaker 2:Same with a relationship right, it's a toxic dynamic with someone. You're cycling through it and I see this all the time with women I've seen this a lot in my work right when it's so much easier to plug ourselves into a relationship or a man and spend all of our energy in some kind of dynamic that is extremely draining. And until you unplug and start plugging your energy back into yourself and back into your creativity, back into your own life, you don't feel the impact of how much you've just been sort of pissing your resources down the drain yes.
Speaker 1:Pissing resources. You just said pissing resources down the drain as opposed to pouring it, pouring them back into yourself.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And not like for selfish navel gazing vibe. For me there's something about being full, right, and then what you're able to give from that place of being full, just even sometimes by your own presence and sometimes because you know, with now entering into states of generosity and things like that and giving not, you can always feel the difference. I think of receiving from somebody who's scarcity minded and rescuing you and obligated it's just disgusting, I'm not interested in that shit or receiving from somebody who's full and given and there's a joy of giving, you know, and that's why you're receiving. That's my jam, right there, man.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I feel quite like a topic. I don't do this anymore with men but for me I used to always choose men in crisis and like when I think about some of the crises that men I've been with have been through a while I've been with them, you just couldn't make it up Like extreme things have happened and I've just taken it upon myself to become the mother of the savior, the friend, the companion and really sort of give way out of capacity and resonance and range with what I actually had to give. And it was so painful to abandon myself and self-betray. That's so painful and I really couldn't stop it.
Speaker 2:I could not stop pissing my resources down the drain and I think part of why that was such a hard pattern for me to overcome was because I knew that I actually had really big things to do in the world. I had really big, scary, creative dreams and I had dreams for my own life and I was so afraid of what that might ask of me that it was much more comfortable for me to plug myself into men and I also had learned that. You know, I had learned that from the women that came before me that you know you orbit around a man. You don't orbit around you.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, I mean, you know you think about that phrase. The head of the house? Yeah, because I think sometimes people don't realize this is going on because it's so normalizing our culture. The head of the house they're not talking about a woman, they're not talking about your mom when they say that, they're talking about your dad. The man of the house, and everything is going on in many households around this figure. And I saw in my family, with all the toxicity and dysfunction when I'd done the work. I didn't see this for the longest time, but I started to see that not only was everything orbiting around this man, everything was orbiting around the wounds of this man. Right, Okay, around the wounds of this man, and not only around the wounds of this man. It's another layer around his avoidance of his wounds. Babes, that shit stops here. Yeah, that shit don't go on in my house and we are clear on that. That shit don't run around here.
Speaker 2:It's inspiring to me because I I want that for myself and I'm committed to having that and creating that. You can have that, babes. Yeah, it's inspiring to me just to have a woman in my life who's committed to that. It's not easy, I see that it's not easy. I think it requires. What I've seen it requires is a willingness to be the kind of woman that isn't gonna be with a man and let him be in his wounds and be running the show and not take care of that. It requires that the buck stops here. I'm gonna take care of my stuff. You need to take care of yours.
Speaker 1:It's not gonna become our problem and for damn sure it's not gonna become my son's problem, because I know what that feels like and that's not nice and we're gonna do our best. No one's perfect, but the fact that we have that as a goal, a name, helps, and it can be quite ouchy and it works both ways. Ouchy is in, I mean ouch, painful and hard to hear. But because I have a man who is actually a man, not performing being a man, I think a man is a very. In my book, a man is different from a male. A male is like yep, you're a male, but a man, I think, is something that is like something really worthy and honourable and noble and a beautiful, amazing thing.
Speaker 1:And I don't like using that term for everyone because it's not a male. I don't like that term for everyone because it's not fair on the decent ones out there. Right, it's not always easy. But yeah, figure it out, man, fucking hell, figure it out. We're grown, you know there's ways. There's so many things. You can Google it, write a book, do a course, get a coach, do some therapy. There's no reason anymore, unless you just choose him to stay there, right. So, and that's okay too.
Speaker 2:Pretend you're not right I just want to give a big up to Les. Big up Les, big up Les. Well, there's partner Les.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:He's a good man.
Speaker 1:He's a good man. He's not perfect. He's not perfect because he edits his podcasts and he'll be listening. I just want to make that clear. There's nobody's perfect. Yeah, but he is a good man. And in terms of again resizing, like he is my size, you know, that's just reminded me that there is actually a slang that's like my size I mean they're not talking about this but like yeah, he's my size. Yeah, and that means I can hold. There is still a little stretch in there for me, but it's not a climb bitch stretch yeah a little bit of stretch, isn't it?
Speaker 1:You want to grow right, but there's a safety and a trust and an honesty and a companionship. And I respect I do I respect him very highly for the man, the type of man that he is, that I've got a lot of respect for that and I've contributed to that in today because I actually think that's how it also works. I do think that it's sometimes. Sometimes there are males that I meet and I think to myself your Mrs has not done a good job here. And I don't mean that on a sort of old-school patriarchal shame in the woman way, I mean in the way that feminine energy really does flourish, yeah, and help people, really brings up the best in people and empowers. And part of the reason we split up when we split up the first time was because I felt like this isn't working, like I'm not having that effect on him, and so it was a resizing. Really, there was a resizing that needed to happen. Resizing, I'm realizing right now, is realignment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I've learned a lot from witnessing the way you used to have navigated your partnership over the last 10 years and the time I've known you has been very inspiring. I'm really I'm all of the sea light. I know you really deeply, getting to know Lasmor, especially as you do this project together, but I feel like I feel so much of him through you and I feel the way you've grown and the way you've grown him in all of the ebbs and flows and the recommitments and they're ultimately, like you know, you're a woman who is committed to the truth and I think you could never be with a man who wasn't, and I've watched him breaking like qualities, like he does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's a really good man and I think also part of living with my mum, living with us, there's a part of me that was like I want her to have the experience of like being in the same space as a good man, you know, like just to have that lived experience. I mean she's always known he was a good man, you know what I mean. She was guided by Miss Blaire and overjoyed when we got back together, but to actually, yeah, he's just one of a kind you know he really is and he's my, that's really, really beautiful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's mine, he's my size and he's mine and I'm lucky. And I do feel lucky because I don't know where the fuck. You know, it didn't happen on purpose in terms of him coming into my life initially, but I'm curious about, as we kind of move towards the end of this episode, I'm curious about what's on the horizon for you this year in terms of resizing.
Speaker 2:The vulnerable. It's a vulnerable one for me in this moment because I haven't thought about this the whole time. I've been recording today, but since we last recorded I've been having some. I've been in a bit of an existential question time. I think it was somewhat inspired, actually, by our last episode on endings and I was going back to the UK and you know I've been a bit public about this. I've wrote about this in places. I've been talking about it with people that I love. I've been having some massive questions around.
Speaker 2:I live in France. It's not the country I'm from. I'm an immigrant expat, building a life somewhere that's not mine. I'm single and I work alone and these three things like I have the desire to be feeling this internal shift of like I actually want to work with people more deeply and that I mean I want to have collaborators. I want to potentially like build something with someone. That's kind of what I've been feeling. I've even had the desire to go and get a job, which is insane. I'm like what I've been like self-employed for seven years and I'm like, yeah, I think I might need to go and get a job. Like that's what I've been feeling.
Speaker 2:I've been questioning France. I'm like is this? Is this where I'm supposed to be investing this next season of my life? Maybe not Like for the first time in three years, I've started to question whether it's solar lines and I'm really getting out there dating. I'm like really out there in the market like I'm going for it, I would love to be partnered and I would love to start building a life of somebody. So it's really a top priority for me to date and to enjoy the period of dating and to really be intentional about like what I would love the next couple of years, like what I'm really aiming for.
Speaker 2:And part of the dating desire is to do it in the UK, where I speak the same language and this Englishman, which is new. This is all new. So for me I'm going through my word for the year is renaissance, and it's a creative renaissance for me, where I'm like everything is up for transformation. Everything I've been working on in the last couple of years, it's all like this is the time. It's like everything is sort of going to slot into place in different ways. So I feel open to the call to adventure.
Speaker 2:We were going to talk in heroes journey terms. I feel like the phone just rung and I'm picking it up again. I'm like, oh shit, it's time. All right, okay, I'm a yes, I do not know what that looks like, where I'm going to end up, what my life's going to look like in six months time, and it feels very, very enlivening and I'm going for it. I'm going for it with my work. I'm going for it with dating. I'm going for it with deep questions that are uncomfortable to ask. I'm going for it with risk taking, experimenting. I'm going to be spending more time in the UK with my family. Have a bit of fun. See you. Great, great, great, yeah, yeah. Actually, I just want to say this I am doing a workshop in London for the first time in five years maybe I don't know how long it's been since I've taught in London, but on the second of March I'm going to be doing a half day desire workshop in London. So if anyone's listening to this, london based and we've got nice London contingent.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it reminds us to put that in the show notes. Yeah, well, make a note.
Speaker 2:It will be nice to have people there.
Speaker 1:Nice, and can I you know, when you just sharing that I was really starting to get a sense of the connection between transitions. You know, we're always changing and so we like start things, build things, we maintain things, we end things, we start things, we build things, we develop things. You know, it's just this constant cycle maintain, end. So each one of those transitions into a different phase will bring around, bring along its own, resize them, you know. So I really heard that for you of what is going to happen next six months. That's incredible, Exciting. Thank you, yeah.
Speaker 2:I feel good really good.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're doing, yeah, you're doing, you'll be fine, obviously because you're connected to that true thing inside of you. Yeah, renaissance, I love that as well. The rebirth being reborn Gorgeous, yeah, I think for me, this year, resizing at the moment, well, the resize is, I think I like this little life, but I think it's I really get a sense of. I'm really turning to my foundations right now, you know, be the new space renovations. We're going to be doing renovations for the next, maybe the next two years. To be honest with you, I thought it was just going to be one year, but we really feel in a desire to slow down and enjoy the process more. We got a new boiler the other day and it should have just been like a half a day job kind of thing and it tended out to be like a week long process where half the street needed to be dug up. So you know this is Sorry, I can just say that that's just iconic.
Speaker 2:Of course, lowly gets the boiler changed and the whole street needs to be dug up. Obviously she needs a slot.
Speaker 1:Looking at the window, just cracking up like, oh my God, look at all these people and just like, wow, like full roadworks, but it got resolved and we did good with it actually. And I remember just thinking, okay, you know, because I'm always paying attention to these sort of the house is speaking to us, my body speaking to us, situation, circumstances, I'm in communion with life. Right, it's a partnership for me. So it's like okay, I could just feel. It's like slow down the messages, slow down even more again, keep slowing down. Um, doesn't mean I, you just slash all. My job is just to slow down and to right, size, resize and to enjoy this little life that feels safe and cozy and secure. And I can also feel, because I'm quite a visionary person, so I get that vibe of like the importance of this stage is because of whatever wants to be built afterwards, like in here is also the soul, the seed, sorry, of this thing that's coming up inside of me about creating a, like an army of soul warriors. You know there's a. This is, yeah, this is really percolating inside of like, okay, creating an army of soul warriors. We need to shift this collective and I'm not going to go into it here too much, because it's a completely different topic, but that's really stirring. So, as much as it's like small and little, there's a shit ton of creativity here. There's a whole body of work being. It's been being developed for some time actually, but it's entering into a new phase. It wants to go out into the world more and I'm just going to trust the process.
Speaker 1:So the resize for me right now is just it's about balance. It really is. It's about understanding myself more at this point and what I need and what it takes. That's a big one, what things actually take versus what I think they take. Yeah, so slower, a slower pace for me. I know that I'm you know what I'm hesitant when I say that because I, I, I know what happens in these places. For me as well, it's like it's a slower pace where I slow down, but it's almost like in that space, in that slowness, things actually speed up. Less work is what I mean. I'm working less this year because I've got lots of things at home to tend to that I want to tend to and enjoy tending to. Yeah, I mean this tending, tending and creating nurturing foundations. That's the vibe from my resize right now.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Love it so good, digestible, simple, clear, really.
Speaker 1:It felt so unclear. I'm not saying really clear.
Speaker 2:I'm like, wow, I'm not so glad she's given a simple version of this, because it really feels like really nice for someone to listen to.
Speaker 1:I would have mentioned a lot of permission. Yeah, full commission.
Speaker 2:Yeah, nice.
Speaker 1:And we're going to be doing something as well. We've started the process. Yeah, we've started.
Speaker 2:IDA in. I'm looking at now I'm seeing it on my board. I just had a peek of a look and I've got it on my board.
Speaker 1:Yeah, We'll tell you more about it, but we want to help. We want to take a small number of people for a process. To help them connect deeper with their soul is the bottom line of it. There's so much more to it than that, but we'll let you know more when we've got more to tell you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that might be it for this ep.
Speaker 2:Liv yeah, we're done. That was great. First one back. Yeah, thank you so much for listening, being along with us Rides. We love these reflections. We keep getting love hearing, when you listen to this podcast, things it brings up for you questions like we're really open and available. You can message us individually or find us on the juicy Instagram. It's just at juicy podcast. I think it might be at the juicy podcast, but you'll find us. Our branding is very orange out, you know hard to miss. Yeah, we'll see you next time, take care Bye.