Listening to Your Inner Voice During Transitions, Soul Authority & Self-leadership

After six transformative months, we're back with the Juicy Podcast! This episode is a catch-up episode where we focus on Olivia's recent major life decisions and transitions. 

Have you ever felt the discomfort of the disconnection between your outer life and your inner self? We talk about how crucial it is to listen to that inner voice, especially when navigating major changes. Authentic encouragement from loved ones can make all the difference, fostering alignment and fulfillment. 

Our conversation touches on the universal aspects of human nature, moving beyond societal expectations to embrace the essence of who we truly are. Personal stories highlight the importance of supportive responses and the journey of reconnecting with our soul's deepest desires.

From navigating internal chaos to embracing a more nourishing approach to life's moments, we dive into the complexities of holding quality space for ourselves and others. We also discuss the dynamics of leadership and power, both on a personal and societal level, and the importance of reclaiming our personal authority. Whether it's through understanding the nine-year cycle of personal growth or reflecting on the impact of upbringing, our discussion is a rich tapestry of insights aimed at leading a life true to our values. 

Join us for an episode filled with heartfelt reflections and empowering conversations.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:18

Hello and welcome back to the Juicy Podcast. It's your girl, Lola Faye Ami.

Speaker 2: 1:25

Hello, hello, it's your girl Liv.

Speaker 1: 1:30

And we're kind of sloping in a little bit of our tail between our legs because we haven't recorded an episode for about six months. Life's been lifey and we'll go into some of that, what's been going on in our world. I don't want to apologise, because that doesn't feel real, because I'm not sorry. Life was just full, like really full, and this has been the earliest time that we've both been available and able to record an episode at the time. That was actually organically right for both of us. So this is, this is what we could muster people thank you, that's a nice.

Speaker 2: 2:14

I like the idea of us sloping in with our tail between our legs. What could we possibly be bringing today? It's good to be back, really good to be back, yeah how are you doing, liv?

Speaker 1: 2:30

what's been going on in in your world? Like I, I asked that question and immediately my brain knows because I've, I've, you know, have a front row seat to your life. There's been a lot happening in your world, but what do you, what do the people need to hear to? Either, what do the people need to hear to bring you up to speed, bring them up to speed as to where you are now, or what do you want to say about where you are now?

Speaker 2: 3:00

Hmm, Well, the first thing that feels true is that I've taken a very, very courageous leap recently, and it's been a long time brewing and I'm sure for our to see die hard listeners that have been following us from the beginning. I'm sure you probably could have sensed that this was somewhat on the horizon. I think that I've definitely been in the process around it since we started recording a year ago, and so, yeah, the thing that I want you to know is that I a lot has changed in my life since we last recorded six months ago, which is crazy. Um, big, big themes, big themes. I think the biggest one is I really honored my desire to come home, and home is is back to the motherland, the UK, where I'm from. It's where my girl Lola lives, london, um, and I have given up my beautiful nest home in Paris. That's been such a wow, significant period of life for me in the last three, four years.

Speaker 2: 4:23

Um, yeah, I felt like I've been following something very deep inside of me that's just said let go, let go, let go, let go, let go, and the life that I had a year ago, compared to now, looks really different, and I think that the Olivia of a year ago would be really proud of the Olivia. Now this is not. It's not easy to um, uh, it's not easy to do. What I'm experiencing right now is it's not easy to do this, but it is easy once you've made the decision. It's like ease has followed my decisions to self-honor.

Speaker 2: 4:59

So one thing is I've come back home to the UK. I'm in a process of moving back. It still feels weird to say that and the second big thing that's worth mentioning is that I am also taking a sabbatical from my work. I have worked as a coach and particularly a group holder for the last six years almost non-stop, and I've been really fortunate to do it very, very, very deeply and widely, and I really felt the call that it was time to go back into the soil and put everything down for a period of time and really reconfigure my life. So that's what I'm doing. I'm nestled up in the British countryside, I'm looking out my window at green and I can hear the birds every day, and life's pretty simple and quiet, but I'm feeling really, really happy.

Speaker 1: 5:56

Olivia yeah, I think I like this little life.

Speaker 2: 6:04

Gotcha, I think I like this little life. I think I like this little life, yes.

Speaker 1: 6:09

Oh, yes, I just add that for you. Another dimension here of, like I said, I have a front row seat and listening to you give a little synopsis there row seat and listening to you give a little synopsis there, I don't know like all of the kind of steps and phases around that decision and everything were kind of flashing in my mind really really quickly, you know, like from the first rumble, don't? I think I might want to move back to the UK, like the whisper, let's say. It was more like a little whisper where most of you was like that's not no, that's a no. You know, I'm gonna stay in Paris, I'm doing Paris, I'm committing to Paris and then over time watching that because I could hear the niggling, the niggling.

Speaker 1: 7:08

So how I operate is that my brain, my brain, works in a very specific kind of way. So when people are speaking to me, I'm it's like I'm just, and when I'm around people, it's like I just get all this information. It comes really really quickly into my system from all the angles, which is probably why I feel overwhelmed most of the time. And I've had to learn over the years with that gift. It's a gift, right, but I've had to learn over the years to almost like, mind my own business and wait to be asked or you know, because people have got their process. So it's like I can see all this stuff over here really quickly and also it's not my life, so it's always easier to see things when it's not your life, right, I don't see it that quickly often with my life, um. So I was watching this rumble and I'm I could see really early arms. All I kept hearing was like go home, babe, go home, go home, go home, you need to go home. And that message is really clean and pure. It doesn't have any of the baggage, right? It doesn't have any of the meaning that go in or stay in. We, you know that we make it mean to us.

Speaker 1: 8:24

So I, so it was beautiful to watch this thing and then I what I've tended to do that gift is just sit back and watch the thing play out. That's what it's like. I live in a Netflix show all the time where I'm just watching things play out in people's lives, because I kind of know that you're gonna go home. I don't know how it's gonna happen. So it's a little bit for me like, oh, let's see how this goes then, and also I might be bloody wrong right, not always right. So it was really beautiful to watch the thing unfold because I could tell. For me it was like, oh, she needs to go home. And there were some times though, because it's a bit of you know, the decision making processes are going back and forth, right. So sometimes I'm like, oh, maybe she's not going to go home. Then okay, let's see. And I think for me the clincher was we had this conversation. I wonder if you yeah, this conversation.

Speaker 1: 9:15

It was it's brilliant, um. And I remember you said something to me like I want to stay. It was the rumble was getting louder. And to me, like I want to stay, the rumble was getting louder, and you were like I want to stay in Paris, but my soul wants me to go home. And this was just a moment of like the old style record with the record player scratch. I was like what, what did you say? He was like my soul wants me to stay. No, my soul wants me to go home. I want to stay here. And I was like what, what did you say? He was like my soul wants me to stay, but no, my soul wants me to go home. I want to stay here. And I'm like who, what? Who's your soul, babe? Like what's going on?

Speaker 1: 9:53

Because in my mind, I suppose there can be a distinction between myself and my soul. I don't know, but definitely my soul is like the leader. You know, my soul has taken me into places. I often call myself. The word I often use, for my relationship with my soul is reluctant. It often tells me to do things. I think I don't want to do that, though, and it's always bloody right. So this was a moment where I'm like, oh my god, I cannot sit by, sit back and watch somebody not listen, like it was hurting my soul to hear you. I'm like what are you? No, babe, no, no, I'm like. No, you are your soul, babe, who. I'm curious about who this other person is, because that's the one that we need to have a look at. You know, I said my soul's not happy. Is that what it was? Okay?

Speaker 2: 11:01

that I actually have a feeling that that conversation may have been. We were like we were recording the pod and I think maybe it was like the spin off after we'd stopped recording. We were just chatting after we'd had a conversation. You remember the very first episode of the juicy pod. We talked about how this, this creative project, this, this collaboration, this project came from our behind the scenes daily podcast that we have had for a really long time years, and we were like, okay, we're gonna start sharing these conversations publicly because for us, conversations are conversations and conversations in general have the powers to be extremely transformational that one conversation can change everything. And when we had that conversation, I want to say it was maybe towards the end of last year and, it's true, the rumble had only really just started.

Speaker 2: 12:02

I always think I went back home for Christmas and right before I went, I was feeling it and I remember us having that conversation and there was a sort of other part of me that was sort of very will oriented, was like yeah, but I'm not leaving. I was just like, yeah, I'm feeling this like interesting, deep rumble, but, and then you were the answer question what was your soul want? And I was like, oh my god, my soul is really unhappy with me being in France. And you were like your face. You were like, oh my god, your soul isn't happy there. And it really like. I remember once that was out the bag, once I'd like voice that into the space between you and I and you had been the mirror for my soul. In that moment, thankfully, I was like, oh, I know how this goes now. The process is already unfolding, I'm already leaving.

Speaker 2: 12:57

But there was another part of me that was reluctant and resistant and was very afraid of everything that was to come. I could feel that my livelihood, my business, my creative work, life was going to look different. I hadn't for a second considered moving back to the UK. I was so tunnel visioned on my life in France, I hadn't really looked back. And so to start looking back and then to feel that like deep truth that that was the right direction.

Speaker 2: 13:32

It was very confronting and I, I, once we had that conversation and things started pivoting. I just kept referring back to that conversation for the months that followed. Any time I would get stuck in any kind of, I guess, resistance to what was unfolding. I'm just like, well, soul knows, soul always knows, that's really what you're following. It's not really up to the other thing. The other part of me, it's about this deeper thing and that's really what I live for, and I think that I was just a little bit out of alignment. So it was harder to feel that soul pull and really respond to it, because I was sort of trying to keep my life together as it looked.

Speaker 1: 14:17

Yeah, and as you were speaking there, you just said you was a mirror for my soul. There's something about that that feels really important in terms of just me understanding how I operate. I just operate Right, so I operate, that's it. I operate, I function. I'm like an animal. I'm very instinctive, I'm brilliant in the present, the other stuff surrounding the present, the past and the future, and all planning stuff and all that not so great um, and I think that's what I do.

Speaker 1: 14:49

I actually think it's a soul to soul communication. You know, I've always recognized that I speak to the part of people that we all have in common. I've always that, I've always had that vibe of like the universal. I've also never really been bought into human trappings that other people care about. You know, like I don't know job titles, positions, what's, even the statusy type things, things that are status symbols I like them. Let's be clear. I'm not I'm not pretending that I don't give a shit about them like there are. I do like nice things. I don't care about people based on whatever position they have or what they're wearing and stuff like that. Um, it's not where my um judgment lies and so I don't know.

Speaker 1: 15:46

There's something about what you just said there I find really useful in terms of putting, because I'm in the stage of putting language around what I do and making a bit more conscious for myself as well and communicating it. And there is something about that, like I feel like I'm I'm very deeply connected to my soul. The language actually feels odd for me to say that. I feel like I am my soul. That's how she feels, true, right, and I'm always curious about other people's souls.

Speaker 1: 16:14

I find that fascinating. You know the different kind of soul expressions that we have. And then I feel like the rest of life is kind of built around that and on top of that, and I've always felt like our real um fulfillment lies in our expression of that soul. You know our soul expression and it's different for everybody, you know, but that's what I want to see fundamentally. That's what's always going on with me, um, so, yeah, to hear you, uh, almost denying your soul what it wanted in that moment just felt really like oh my god, no, I like care about you way too much to be able to let this slide, you know yeah, yeah it felt unkind to not say anything no-transcript.

Speaker 2: 17:10

That was a really like loving thing to do as a friend, and I think that I've experienced a lot of reactions in the last six months as I've made these decisions and I mean there's still a lot of my life in Paris. It doesn't feel complete. I haven't fully wrapped it up or said goodbye. It's all very much sort of slowly in process, which has been quite hard. Actually, I've not felt like a big, big hurrah, big announcement, I'm leaving. It's just been like, oh, I'm going in this direction and things are unraveling and unfolding and undoing themselves and my life decisions.

Speaker 2: 17:48

In the past I've been big of this nature, I've made a bit of a big deal out of it, whereas this has felt a lot more internal, a lot more quiet, and I've found I've found when I've got more of a soul response from the people that love me, when they've really been like I get it, I see you, I hear what you're saying, it makes sense. I feel that kind of mirror has been so much more helpful for me. Um, and it's ultimately, I think, what somebody needs when they're in a transition, right, we, we, we, we ultimately need the encouragement that the scary, deep voice that we can hear is the one we probably should be listening to. That is ultimately going to bring us back to ourselves and into alignment, and it's not the sexy choice people have been like. Why have you left paris and moved back home with your?

Speaker 1: 18:48

family. That's a really good point. When I'm going through big transitions, which feels like all the fucking time I don't like to be around people and I don't actually like to share my process so much with people, and it's for that reason that you've just described Unfortunately, most people are reading from the script, right of right, I think I've referenced, have I referenced in previous, in a previous podcast um is basically when it's almost like it feels to me often like people have a script that they're reading from, so like I don't know, somebody is getting a divorce, and so we read from our scripts and we say, oh, my god, I'm so sorry because we've been sort of taught to say that right, and there's loads of these kind of things that it's not even just about celebrations. There's so many things that we just say and I just think do you even, can you? Do you even know why you're saying that? And it annoys me actually. I find it really fucking irritating.

Speaker 1: 19:58

Um, and again, it's the condition in the programming, isn't it? So I'm interested in that, I'm interested in what, what I did for you as you describe. It's like that's actually what I always want. I do not need, because in those moments it's messy inside, right. It's like you can't always access your own wisdom or your own guidance easily. You know, there's certain times. It's just so confusing and, depending what you, what maybe you're letting go off or what you're processing, it might be a gnarly piece of your survival mechanism, right? So? And it's yeah so I don't want anyone I don't need, I do not need anyone to hold me to my ego standards.

Speaker 1: 20:58

Basically and it feels like a lot, that's what a lot of people do they'll often just say quite trite things because they haven't ventured out into anything else. And actually what I do, and what I want to always do in my life and support others to do, is to access the courage to hear that voice and act on it of truth. You don't have to act on it immediately. You don't have to act on it in like some big, major, dramatic fashion, even if it's just shuffling in the direction of it. That'll bloody do, right? Yes, compounding effects. We're here for the small but kind of constant steps that, over time, take us in a in the real direction, you know, oh yeah, I'm getting tingles.

Speaker 2: 21:49

I'm getting like juicy pod tingles. I'm just I love it when we come to talk because it's like everything starts making sense. So what I'm hearing and what you're sharing is holding quality space, and I think that, and what I'm hearing you say, is you acknowledging your ability to do that and that you value that really highly for other people and but you also really value that for yourself. And when I am thinking about this process right now that we're talking about that, I'm in and where does it rub other people? I think it rubs other people when they are struggling to hold space for it. I think it rubs other people when they are struggling to hold space for it Because it's messy and it's unclear and I don't really have any answers and I'm sort of not doing very much. There's a lot of micro movements happening, it's quiet, there's not much to say, and so if I was to name how it feels right now, it's like I'm learning how to hold quality space for myself whilst I refigure, reconfigure most of the foundation of my life and.

Speaker 2: 23:09

I'm learning so much, like I need. You know what is it June? Right now I've got sort of a runway of summer ahead which feels lovely, so spacious. Obviously, you know, plans are being made, but I'm not doing that much in comparison to my usual gallivanting. But even that I'm like oh, every day is a precious day, it's a beautiful time to be alive. That's how I feel. I'm like how can I, you know, squeeze the juice out of life, as we would say on the pod, like, really enjoy and receive and be with all elements of this process? That, to me, is holding quality space for myself as I go through this.

Speaker 1: 23:53

I know, I agree, I think this is a special little spot and even as we're speaking, there's so much stuff that's like clarifying in my mind. I do want to say that I'm not sure if we are about squeezing every drop out of life, every squeeze and every juice. I don't know. It just felt a bit extractive to me. You know what I mean. Like a bit um, fear-based is almost what I heard. Just does that? Do you know what I mean, like in terms of like we've got to get out, yeah, I think I think what I'm.

Speaker 2: 24:33

I think what I mean when I say that is what I mean when I say that is that life like this is fundamentally very juicy, like pausing. I'm calling this sacred pause time. It. It's a high quality moment of. There's a lot of juice here, because I'm not, I'm not, I'm not extracting from it, so there's, there is a lot here. That's more what I mean. It's less about like, oh god, get every drop, but it's like there's a lot available here, drink it yeah, be nourished by it.

Speaker 1: 25:21

Nice, yeah, exactly the other thing, when you were sharing about where you are, that came up for me was the um. I'm into the numerological nine year cycle where you add up your birthday and the year. So my birthday is like 15th of january, so I would add up one plus five plus one plus two plus two plus two plus four, and eventually does that make sense? So 15, one, five, one January and then the year 2024. So two, two, four because I don't need to add up the zero in there, right? And then you'll come up with a number, and then, if it's a double number, let's say you come up with 12, then you would add up one and two and you would get a six. So you're going to want to get to a single digit number, basically, and then that tells you where you are in your nine year cycle.

Speaker 1: 26:24

We live many nine year cycles over the course of our lives and that's something I came across and found incredibly useful during my last year. Nine was, which was 2018, where I learned I was learning to end things. I know we spoke about endings before, so, um, yeah, I was ending things for a few years then and it was the first time I've identified things properly. So it was a lot. It was a lot, and I do also tend to check out when people are speaking to me. If I get curious, I think where are they? I wonder where they are in their cycle. And this year was your year nine, right, you're in that, and I remember there was times I would say to you, like you know, this isn't really a time according to that, it's not a time for starting things. It's actually like, all you really need to do right now is end things properly and take the time.

Speaker 1: 27:24

Um, and ending things properly is actually a lot of work, I find, because I'm not really a complete completion person, um, and there's emotions involved, all this kind of stuff. But I was really aware that, like, you'll be starting a new cycle next year and the ending of this one is really important and sacred for whatever is going to happen in the next cycle. And so, as well, there was that for me watching that play out as well, of like, because, like so many, I'm seeing so many endings in your world, like outward endings, but also internal endings, like as you transition into, like a new phase of your life, of you, a new chapter, a new act, even you know. So, yeah, it's really. I just find it really interesting sometimes watching some of these things play out you know, yeah, you said something.

Speaker 2: 28:25

Um. Well, why not just say that I've learned a lot about numerology from you. I'm not very clued up on it, uh, but Lola has, over the years, taught me a lot and numerology from you. I'm not very clued up on it, but Lola has, over the years, taught me a lot, and so this has been really helpful. To think about the year nine ending, so, yeah, for anyone that's listening that doesn't really know much about numerology, you don't really even need to know very much to just know what, what year you're in, and then to sit and reflect and be like, oh, does this actually kind of add up to where I'm at?

Speaker 1: 28:56

and I actually don't know that much about it at all, neither, by the way. Just so, yeah, you really don't need to know that much yeah, it's a pretty simple tool, I think.

Speaker 2: 29:05

Um, something else you said and this may have been off the back of the endings episode we did last year, which I think is still one of my favorite episodes um, we talked about, but we've been talking about it all year. Since these last six months. We've been talking a lot about the soil. This has also been a theme of the podcast, hasn't it? Like the replenishment of the soil, um, and you said something to me a few months ago that I've also been. I've also been, uh, kind of dining out on, to use one of your expressions.

Speaker 2: 29:35

It's about, I think you said to me when I was leaving France and when I sort of kick-started my sabbatical and I'm still in the process of winding things up with my work, it's taking, takes time you said to me you know, really really end, really end this properly, and the way you end this will set you up for the new beginning. Like the, the nutrition of the ending this is my interpretation, these aren't exactly your words, but the nutrition of the ending is the fertility of the beginning and, like you, you really drove that home for me and I think that, had you not shared that with me in a few different ways and then like reflected it in your own life. I think I probably would be a bit eager right now to get on with the next phase, like okay, ending's done, what's next, you know? And this, what I feel like I'm learning at this moment is how do you end something, how do you leave a marriage of some sorts actually and like take care of yourself on a spiritual level, soul level, energetically, physically, mentally, financially, like how do you actually attend to everything and give each piece the space it requires and needs?

Speaker 2: 30:51

I think it's quite hard to do each piece the space it requires and needs. I think it's quite hard to do and I think that it's worth it. Even though in this moment I haven't had the new beginning, I can feel that like that genuine I said recently that but like my if, my life, if I'm a car and I'm driving myself around, I was like my can, my fuel feels contaminated. I can't. I'm like trying to rev the engine and it smells. I'm like, oh, I need to pause and clean my engine out and I need to refuel. I actually need to refuel, not like half a tank.

Speaker 1: 31:28

Yes, yeah, and what an act of self-leadership that is in a world that doesn't support you to do that. There's something for me about one of the things I find it's hard. Everything you've just described is really fucking hard. Let's just really be clear on that, right, because I get accused of making things. People ask me sometimes they'll say, oh, don't you ever find things hard? And I'm like, yeah, but we, I don't know, it doesn't look how you want it to look. I'm afraid, like I'm not, you're not going to find me crashed up, curled in a ball, broken into a thousand pieces. It's just not my style and there's nothing wrong with that. Is your style.

Speaker 1: 32:12

People struggle in different ways, people have challenges in different ways, so it's like a really radical act of self-leadership. And one of the things I find hardest to do in what you're describing is other people for me, right. So I suppose that quality that I described earlier when I said I can just pick up things really quickly. The flip side of that gift is that I'm pretty open to everything all the time. You know I can do things to protect my energy and all that kind of stuff, but it seems to be just in my nature is to something about it which is it's just part of who you are in my nature is to something about it which is it's just part of who you are, um. So I get really affected by the people I'm around, the environments I'm in, I'm just sort of absorbing information all the freaking time, right, and I can get. I mean, I'm a projector.

Speaker 1: 33:12

In human design they would say it was um, they say that your aura is penetrating, so it kind of penetrates other people. You kind of go in, understand people and come out you're like, oh okay, yeah, okay, that makes sense. The downside is, when you go in, you absorb some of that stuff for yourself, right. So I struggle personally with living in a world where everybody bounces all the fucking time from discomfort, um, where people want to fit in and be approved of and all that kind of stuff. I completely understand it. But I've done a lot of work to undo that, because obviously I'm, I've been very prone to that because of how I'm wired, so so it's been a lot of work.

Speaker 1: 33:55

I cannot, you know, more work than, I reckon, the most average person, because sometimes clients come to me and I'm like most of them, they don't seem to have it as deep and as bad, right. So that's why I say it's a radical act of self-leadership, because let's call it FOMO, right, because that's a similar kind of thing. If everyone is, or appears everyone else is, off doing, having fun and doing all this great stuff over here and you know you could get some fleeting happiness and joy doing it, but your soul's like not now. Actually, this is not what we're, we're not doing this right now, we're doing something else and it doesn't look as fun. You know it's. That's the real piece. I think that makes the difference between the people that get to end things properly and actually therefore move successfully from one stage of life to another. Most people are stuck, and they're stuck because they can't go through the piece where you have to feel things like FOMO and all that kind of stuff you have to feel things like FOMO and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 35:20

I wanted to ask you here, because there's that kind of I love this piece that you just shared about self-leadership and I actually think that's something I hear. That's the language you use a lot and I'm often paying attention. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Lola talks about self, you talk about self-leadership a lot. I think it's a very big component of the way you live and the way you work with others. Um, we've also I also got this sort of like carrot chasing we've talked about that a little bit recently like the chasing of carrots, short-term carrot chasing versus like long-term, um, uh, investment into the self, investment into the soul, self, perhaps, to use different language. So I'm I want us to talk about self-leadership more. I think this is something that you're, um, I see this being a massive part of your life and I'm curious, like how that has evolved for you. Where did, where, where did self-leadership sort of become something?

Speaker 1: 36:18

my god for you. Okay, I'll answer as best I can. So you're right, it is central to my work and how I live as well, and it's the thing I really admire in people. I fucking love self-leadership, like I'm so turned on by people that lead themselves. That's my shit, right there. That's what I'm impressed by. Um, I can't remember when it started or anything like that.

Speaker 1: 36:49

I think I've always had a thing about leadership, my entire life actually, since I was, you know, being the first born. You know, my dad was a bit of a leader in the community, so leadership was kind of modeled. I was tall, you know, there was some things, and I think I just have a lot of kind of natural leadership qualities as well. I'm a Capricorn. That is literally like the leadership sign of the Zodiac, like there's just all these things that were like okay, and I remember being at primary school, whenever we used to have to do like projects on something, I would always do Martin Luther King or JFK, I don't know what. I was obsessed with those two. And so there was always this I don't know I felt like I just always got. It was always there that you're a leader, and even if I didn't want to lead. It didn't. It wasn't right, it was obvious. It was just my character, my personality. So that was that.

Speaker 1: 37:49

And then the self leadership piece was I don't know when that really came in, but I really, really don't but for me, all leadership is self-leadership first and foremost. If you don't lead yourself, you're not doing it for anyone else, it's just not. You might think you are, but you're not. Some of how I define it is like what you just said about the holding space for yourself in the process, by holding space, if so, when I'm saying about um wanting to stay away from other people when I'm going through deep transitions, where I'm really listening and following my soul and only really being available to other people who deeply understand that and will hold me to that. No shade on other people, but the reason that they don't do that with me is because they don't do it with themselves. The only reason I do it with you is because I do it with myself. So self-leadership is important because it's that kind of piece of giving something to yourself allows you to give it to others. One of the big ones that I see a lot in women is compassion, kindness as well, actually, yeah, and I think, actually, if you are, your kindness isn't doesn't include you. It's not kindness, it's a trauma response and I know that's going to be hard for some people to hear, because some people's identity is wrapped up in what a good person they are and that's okay. Just say ouch and keep it moving. Um, so self-leadership for me is.

Speaker 1: 39:41

And then the other piece around self-leadership was well, it started off for me around um, I thought this would be about childhood stuff actually. So initially it was this kind of recognition of how we are shaped by our upbringing and how we are reliving often these patterns that we were exposed to during our formative years, and some people, most people, would just live that out for the rest of their days. So for me there was a piece around self-leisure, a really key piece, which was around like who am I if I'm the authority of my life? You know, I think in fact, even asking the question who is the authority of your life is a is a big deal. You know, first, yeah, real talk, not from your mind feeling, and it's okay if you don't answer that question straight away. But it's like who is the authority of your life? Because, or what? Because someone or something is? Is it your parents? Is it one particular parent, you know? Is it an older sibling? Is it? Is it money a sibling? Is it money? I think most people's authority around their life is money. What is it? It could be anything right, but something or someone is authority around your life.

Speaker 1: 41:13

And the first time I asked myself that question and the answer to that question doesn't come from your mind, actually it comes from somewhere else in your body. And the first time I asked my asked my question, that question I don't think I've got to answer the question before, I could see it straight away, but it's like it's my dad. He's the authority of my life, not because he's like telling me what to do, but like I'm still living to a standard based on what he thinks, what you know, what he's okay with and all this kind of stuff. Um, immediately when I saw that, obviously instinctively, you know that's not right. Someone else shouldn't be the authority of your life. But I made conscious effort to.

Speaker 1: 42:02

But I made conscious effort to venture out to reclaim that authority of my life, like centering the center of my life. I didn't know where it's going to lead. It's fine, I think you're not supposed to, it's okay, um, and then what happened was so I started there and then I quickly came to see, like this, almost like and I have sort of designed a little model around it, but it's like me in the middle. Then there's like this kind of parents around the first layer, but my parents existed in a context as well. They existed within a culture, a religion, a world, a country like a history, right and all, and it was so.

Speaker 1: 42:47

Then it was getting into that of like the um, basically the systems that we live in, how they kind of systems that we live in, how they kind of how that well, just what a big part they're playing actually in the internalization of those systems from the people around me, including my um caregivers, then how that affects me. And I started to clean. I want to clean it up, you know, because, as we always say, the systems that we live in are oppressive. They don't have to be. We could. I believe in systems. I actually think it's a great thing to have a system and a way of organizing people. I just think it would be great if it was based on our humanity, and I wonder what that would look like.

Speaker 1: 43:33

Um, and then that was what self-leadership was. For me, it was kind of like who am I really if I lead my um, lead my life with the? My soul, my soul is the authority of my life. Hence why I was a bit like oh no, that's the part of us that actually knows. So, yeah, that's what self-leadership is for me and that's what I, that's what I do for my clients as well. I'm all about helping people find their own leadership. Leadership is a beautiful thing it really is, and there's so many amazing, incredible ways to do it, and I want to see the different ways that people do it.

Speaker 2: 44:22

Yeah, that lights me up big time yeah, that was all just so gorgeous to listen to thank you thank you yeah, just I mean that question who is the authority of your life, people?

Speaker 2: 44:44

who is the authority of your life? That is a really, really big one, and I wonder about it changing on different days. So is there being a call thing? That's the authority. I think that the way that what I was thinking about when I was listening to you was self-leadership.

Speaker 2: 45:10

Last year, there were some things that I went through around leadership that were quite life-defining for me, and one of them was seeing that I had been being led by people that actually didn't embody a lot of self-leadership, a lot of leading without really leading the self, and what that had created in me was an authority outside of myself, and it was very, very concerning when I started to see it, and it's taken a lot of self-reflection and cleanup and understanding. Where does that come from? How does somebody else become an authority in your life? How is there space for that? How is there a sort of gap where something can move in? Where was the opening to create, uh, a relationship with an externally sourced authority and not a soul-led authority?

Speaker 2: 46:14

Um, and so the way that you speak about the things I find helpful is talking about how all leadership is ultimately self-leadership. I think when we think about leadership in I don't know the way that it's sort of rammed around down our throats is corporate, political, um, maybe even social media, we see a lot of that kind of leadership and it would be very easy to not see that as self-leadership because most of the time it's not that inspiring. We haven't got the martin luther kings and the jfks of the world really around politically anymore, so there's not bold shit like yeah we've not shit building vision to buy into.

Speaker 1: 46:58

Now we've got a bunch of fucking numpties. That is just like the biggest shit show in it. Political, I mean it's. I don't even, I don't even want to think about it. I'm going to stop talking about it because it's getting it gets on my nerves so much yeah, I think it's.

Speaker 2: 47:13

I would describe it as it's disappointing and disappointed, and I find that um, um. But when I've stopped looking for the big shiny, I've actually found an enormous amount of examples of self-leadership. That's very inspiring in in these micro, more subtle ways, and it's it exists in so many places. Um, and that's been one of the biggest revelations for me. Over the last years, I've sort of moved away from a singular authority over my life into one where sole authority is leading mine, but I'm inspired by so many different people.

Speaker 1: 47:52

I fucking love that. I love that distinction between what do you call it a single? What do you call it a single external authority?

Speaker 2: 48:01

I can't remember yeah, a singular externally placed authority and somebody else.

Speaker 1: 48:08

We're primed for that right. So, as you're speaking like, well, we were primed for that, we're primed for that, and it's the power over model of power, right, having power over people. It's the power over model of power, right, having power over people. It's like, still, people do think of parenting as like having parents having power over their children, this kind of energy of like breaking a horse, breaking in a horse. Unfortunately, that is kind of what most people are doing in their parenting, whether recognize it or not, right?

Speaker 2: 48:40

right, because it again power over versus leading and I think parenting is leadership.

Speaker 1: 48:45

Man, that's like for me, that is like my biggest, biggest teacher of leadership and I've led some stuff. That it was difficult, no doubt, but not as difficult as it is as being a parent. If I want to do it properly, the way that I think is properly, which is empowering my child to be himself, whatever that means, and not getting in the way of that even when it clashes with my shit, that's the next level, babes.

Speaker 2: 49:19

Yeahes, yeah, yeah, thank you for that one religion, another one.

Speaker 1: 49:25

I think we're primed for power.

Speaker 1: 49:26

There's just a lot of ways massive one yeah, um, celebs, you know, and we've seen a lot of people falling from their pedestals lately. Um, I think that's kind of what we're seeing a lot actually in the. You know, I have to believe that what we're seeing in the political arena and some of the public eye is, um, giving us an opportunity to take our power back that we've given away. Like it's almost like if I didn't know better. It's almost like the universe is going how. You know how much can I take the piss with these political leaders before these lot will do something about it? We're still being pushed, yeah, totally what's it gonna take?

Speaker 1: 50:12

more than this?

Speaker 2: 50:12

apparently more than this um, I want, oh yeah, this is something. So, um, something that I'm loving right now is, in this time that we have named the sacred pause that is my life right now I've been really thinking about teaching, being a teacher and being taught, and I guess this actually really comes into leadership, because I was sort of categorized in the same way as parenting. I'm not a parent, but to my own biological children, but I do have a lot of little children in my life nieces, nephews, god, children. I'm very, very connected to little ones and I and I'm also guide, coach, teacher to adults, and I've done that for a long time as well. So, in this moment where I'm doing I'm doing less output of teaching and speaking publicly and social mediaing and creating, creating outwardly, I'm doing a lot more input and I'm really being very mindful as to who I want to have input.

Speaker 2: 51:29

So, absolutely what we talked about earlier, the type of um, like relationship, friendship, cultivation I'm really seeking, like soul connection, and I've actually been connecting with a lot of old friends from the past, which has been so lovely, it is so lovely to like revisit parts of the self. But, in terms of actual teachers, I think I've made a list of like 20 people that I enjoy listening to from time to time. I'm not doing any big investing and sort of working with one person, but for example, uh, our beloved John, or my beloved John, the Irish poet who I've mentioned a few times, so I I've got a couple of his books on audible I'm not an audible girl, but 15 minutes of John.

Speaker 2: 52:15

And today I just get that like hit yeah it's actually his brother's voice because he passed. It's pretty exactly the same as his, his, his beloved brother is has done the voice over, and it's lovely, and I'm also you know our beloved rick rick rubin also.

Speaker 2: 52:33

I just whip him on 15 minutes a day, uncle Rick, and you know I get a little inspiration. Obviously you and I speak for multiple hours per day and so I get you. You're on the list, uh, and it's just so lovely to be so intentional about you know, at this moment where you know I'm sort of being shaped, but it's not because I'm not looking for an external authority, but I am looking to be not you're not being exploited.

Speaker 1: 53:03

There's a difference isn't there.

Speaker 2: 53:04

Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1: 53:05

and I think the single external authority, whether purposefully or not, does, I don't know it hangs about too much too close to exploitation for me, yeah well, exactly the difference in this is like the the choice.

Speaker 2: 53:28

I'm making a choice and I get to choose where my inspiration comes from. Some of the time, some of it's totally you know the cosmic clock of the universe like tick, tick, tick. Who knows when the next hit of it's totally you know the cosmic clock of the universe like tick, tick, tick. Who knows when the next hit of inspiration is going to come? But in terms of actively inputting and and thinking about how do I want to keep my engine just humming during this moment, it's been really lovely to choose such nourishing stimulation and such inspiring stimulation and, uh, you know reading a lot. I'm also doing a lot of binging on shows and it's just like sometimes I think this is fucking amazing. I love it like the time to do the things I actually really want to do.

Speaker 1: 54:22

I mean, I think that's the real wealth. That's well, yeah, well done. Babe. Seriously, you're very much in it. You know this isn't. I feel like you're giving us real time in the moment. Um, what's that word like? Is it messages from the trenches? Is that the phrase?

Speaker 2: 54:53

yeah, I don't remember phrases report reports from the field, right, something like that. Thank you, I mean just, I have so much gratitude for this time. I want to say a big shout out to my mum. I was able to come home and be with my mum and we've really worked on this. A lot of people have said to me recently that the thing they come to me for is family, like helping them with their relationships with their family. That's a lot of feedback I've got from all of my clients telling me, and so right now I'm back in the fruits of years and years of repair and me and my mum are together again unexpectedly Two single women women together. And I had a home to come back to and I don't take that for granted. It's an extremely extreme privilege and I've been here a few months now, but the sort of on the daily. Uh, I would say that I'm sort of 90% gracious.

Speaker 2: 56:07

I did last night feel a little bit of a slip. I've been a bit sick the last week menstrual cycle plus, sick plus. I decided to completely rearrange my entire room last night like the Incredible Hulk, and then I just started to feel this sort of slither of entitlement coming in and I was like, oh interesting. Look at that started to feel like annoyed and I was taking the environment for granted a little bit and I was like, oh, that's interesting, like I haven't really felt that okay, and I gotta keep that in check when that comes in but for the most part I'd say like it's a real privilege and a blessing to be here and I want to say a massive thank you to you.

Speaker 2: 56:47

I'm sure people can hear it today that, yeah, you're right by my side, babe. It's a pleasure it really is.

Speaker 1: 56:58

Yeah, you're doing the work. I might be by your side, but you're the one that's like taking the steps and, like I said, I recognize what it takes to do that, the amount of courage, the lack of the lack of applause and recognition. But you're doing some real shit here, you know. You know I believe real Gs move in silence. I'm a big believer of that. You know, everything doesn't have to be for everyone to know and to explain and actually I really do believe that. Obviously, I have to find a balance between that and sharing and communicating and stuff like that marketing. But I do have that fundamental belief.

Speaker 1: 57:37

You know, some people talk about it and some people are doing it. Yeah, and I see you doing it. This is what it takes to do it, and I also see you returning. You know this is like your, this is part of your hero's journey and this is the return as now, as you are now, and that's a gift. You know, that's the gift that you're returning to your family with and you had to go away. That was important, you know, and you had to do that and I and then he could really feel the peace where it's like, and now you can return because I think there's a part of all of our journeys of healing around our upbringing and stuff that we not all of us, because I know some people got some really horrific situations and they can never return to their families.

Speaker 1: 58:29

So I don't want to you know, not them, obviously, but for a lot of us it's like at some point there is some element of return, whatever that means, because there's, yes, the gift great but also there's a layer of healing that you get to do that you can't do anywhere else. And not everyone's got the stomach for that, you know, because that's quite a challenging piece, but the liberation on the other side, I think, is completely worth it.

Speaker 2: 59:05

Yeah, absolutely. I think that it's becoming clearer and clearer to me how much this matters to me. That's the thing I think that's important.

Speaker 1: 59:25

Yeah, okay, okay, my love that feels like us for today. Um, thank you for listening. We'll see you again soon for another ep of the juicy podcast. Go well, babes, go well, thanks everyone.