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Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶
As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!
You can also:
Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶
Hey Donna, how are you? Great to see you Tammy Great to see you. I am so excited to have you here. Well, it's not a typical episode, I'll tell you. Usually we have people giving some strategies, regulation about building resilient, and this one, I think it's more about raising awareness about all the stories that we tell our. Children, you know, in regard to religious, maybe nation narratives, family, and even ourself. And so I'm so glad to have you as a storyteller here.
Donna Griffit:I'm excited to be here. You know, it's funny because cuz when you reached out it got me thinking about, , how my professional role does carry on into my personal life. I remember once writing a status a few years ago on Facebook this morning. I told the story of, serverless technology this afternoon. I was asked to tell a story about a. So , but it's not just the stories of telling my girls, cuz we all read books and we tell stories, but it's helping them create their own narrative, their own inner voice that I think is a massive responsibility as a parent and an honor. We're really like writing their inner script. Think about it. We all have that inner voice that talks to us that has been built through so many years and so many filters, and we have the opportunity to help gear that towards a positive narrative that'll be with them forever.
Tammy Afriat:that's so powerful. to Help them shape their perspective about life, about themselves, about everything., so I want to start with the very basic, which is, what is storytelling?
? Donna Griffit:so when I first started calling myself a storyteller about 20 years ago. The only real storytelling people knew about was like librarians or, I was sitting at, actually last Saturday we had a little, women neighborhood gathering and there's a woman in her eighties that was like the original, , person that started this woman's circle, and she said that there used to be a storyteller named Lady Barbara that. Show up in her yard and all the kids from the neighborhood gather and she had like this long gown and this hat, and everybody knew that Lady Barbara was there and the kids could. I'm like, I think if somebody today showed up in a gown and a hat and started orating in your garden, it might be a little bit disturbing. So, That's like the classic image of the storytelling, the lady Barbaras of the world. For me, it's about finding the story in anything. It's about taking boring technical bits and bites and putting them together in a new way that creates a powerful narrative that sells your business, that gets you invested in, that gets people to understand what you do and get excited about it. And, , there's a famous quote. There's no such thing as a boring story only board audience , and we can make anything relevant to anyone if we tell the right story.
Tammy Afriat:It's all about how you deliver
Donna Griffit:Yeah. Yeah.
Tammy Afriat:So I'm wondering what led you to become a storyteller?
Donna Griffit:Not a typical career path that you think of when, what do you wanna be when you grow up? I wanna be a storyteller. So, , I always was an actress., can you tell? And I loved it. And something in me from a very young age also knew that the chances of becoming a paid actress we're about the same as winning the lottery that we just had last week. Powerball. I didn't wanna take that chance, but I knew also, I don't know how and when and where it came in. I knew I needed to do something that I loved as much as that, but I could also make a living. Now there's this concept that I discovered later in life called Ikigai., it's a Japanese concept. It's like a flower with four petals that are intersecting. And it's basically the center is your Ikigai or your reason for. and it's where your passion, your mission, your vocation, and the world's needs meet.
Tammy Afriat:That's like the why, the
Donna Griffit:Exactly. So it's doing something that you love. Something that you're good at. We all have our gifts, , and our talents and our skills that we hone from them. Something that the world needs and something you can get paid for. That's where a lot of people miss out. If you don't have all four imbalance, you're not in the right place. Cuz if you're doing something you love, but you're not getting paid enough, you're always gonna feel, uh, you,
Tammy Afriat:It's like the more realistic way to look at things. It's not just pushing people to follow their dreams without being grounded.
Donna Griffit:to be connected. It's a reality. We need to, you know, support our families, and have an income. But I've seen too many people, like over the years be passionate about something and then go study law because their parents said that's what they should do and then just be miserable and eventually end up leaving it cuz you can't live in a lifeless, soulless job. Not to say that some people don't love law and consider it the best thing ever, but it's for you. It's for each person. I mean, the happiest payments I send out each month are to my bookkeeper , and, and then, you know, people that take care of the things that I'm horrible at. And I am so happy , to outsource that to someone that can do it. Because why should we be miserable doing something that's gonna take us 10 times the time and not do it as e.
Tammy Afriat:And that's where, where you really do it and not avoiding do it.
Donna Griffit:exactly putting it
Tammy Afriat:it forever.
Donna Griffit:So I was very lucky to fund my Iki guy, , a couple times. You know, in life as we're driving down the highway, sometimes we get like these signs, these flashing signs, like Vegas, and it's a split second that we have to lift our eyes up and see that sign or else we could miss it. And that might just be the exit that you take that leads you on your next road. So I've had a few of those. One when I was about 16, my great-uncle took me to meet a career counselor . And he said, you know, what are you interested in? I said, acting and people and psychology. And he's like, oh, did you know there's something called drama therapy? And it was like one of those, oh, lek. And I, kind of started seeing what this was. And it was like the perfect combination. you know, Everything I did up to that point was leading up to the NYU program. that had master's degrees in it I was living in Israel at the time, and I . Literally handed in my last assignment for my bachelor's and took off to live in New York I was 23 living in Manhattan, loving it, navigating the city like it was the back of my hand and then happened nine 11. we were evacuated from our apartment because we lived right near the Twin Towers Another interesting,, very interesting time and I ended up writing my thesis. I was working at Bellevue with homeless mentally ill men with trauma therapy, which is a very interesting modality to be using. But , then I started getting near graduation and I realized that the salary of a drama therapist was about that, of a starving artist. I could probably make more waiting tables in New York, and I'm like, okay, I didn't not go to acting for this. There has to be something else. and then again, an aha moment in a post-grad course that I was taking I had one of the lecturers say that she had a friend that traveled the world and gave these motivational workshops, and I'm like, oh, that's another, okay. How do you get into training? That's exactly what I wanna do. And I. In looking and NYU had a program in training and organizational development for postmaster. I enrolled in that. Then I sent my resume out to the first job listing I saw for corporate training on Craigslist. Looked the same then as it does now, and I was hired by Board Communications Group, which is a lovely firm in New York. and they sent me traveling the whole world, like literally everywhere from like Glastonbury, Connecticut to Johannesburg, South Africa and anything in between to teach presentation skills and business writing skills. And it was incredible and it was fun and it was eye-opening and it was, I got to see the world doing this.
Tammy Afriat:I guess that was the time when PowerPoint became a big thing,
Donna Griffit:PowerPoint was a big thing. And you know, I think PowerPoint has unfairly been ragged on because it's like saying,, oh, the cake turned out terrible because of the Pyrex. If the cake turns out terrible, it's either you didn't bake it well enough or you didn't put in the right ingredients. And that's exactly, you know, what I was teaching people to do. PowerPoint is just a container for it, use it wisely. But then came 2008, kind of a deja vu the past few years and suddenly. everything shut down. The first thing to go in an organization is non-essential trainings. And I was at this moment in time of like, what the heck do I do now? I had moved back to Israel,, a couple years before I was building the business there. Suddenly crickets. And so I'm like, okay, here I have these talents. I have these skills. Who else could use this? And after exploring for a while, I came across startup. Who are having a much more difficult time raising funding in that climate. And I'm like, okay, great. I'm gonna start working with startups. And then people are like, startups won't pay for this. Startups don't have money, and you know all the voices. And that's like the antithesis of , the signs you see the voices in your head of like, no, you can't do that. It's not the right way. Go steady law. Go get a real job. Lucky for me, , my mom never, never told me that. She was always very supportive of what I wanted to do and. Here we are, like 15 years later and I've have a full schedule of startups that I helped. I've helped over the years raise a billion and a half dollars in total work with some incredible companies. I've been called the polisher of Diamonds, which to me just is the essence of it because these are true diamonds. They just sometimes get very rough around the edges and you have to polish so their beautiful facets shine through and that. Storytelling, polishing diamonds.
Tammy Afriat:Oh, I love it. So you recognize the diamond and then you know where to polish it.
Donna Griffit:Exactly, exactly. Hone right in on the brightest Chinese facet.
Tammy Afriat:That's fascinating. And I know you mainly work with startups and so today we actually we're gonna focus with the same skills you're using for startups, but for being a parent. So I want to
Donna Griffit:The most important job of my life without a doubt. I.
Tammy Afriat:I agree. That's why we are here together.
Donna Griffit:Last night I had a, a very touching parenting moment., I was holding my six-year-old just, you know, cuddling her, and I looked down at her and she just, I'm getting a little clumped, but so she just had her face and everything was just so beautiful. And I said to, you know, you are so beautiful inside and out, but you know what shines the most is your heart and your kindness. She said, you know what shines the most for you is your smile. And I said, I am so lucky. I mean, you and your sister are everything I ever dreamed of. And she was tearing up like this. And I said, baby, you're getting emotional. I said, what's making you emotional? And she said, you. and it was like this really lovely moment that we both were sitting there with tears in our eyes and I thought, wow, at six years old. For her to be able to take that in and have that kind of conversation and have that kind of moment, how important that is that we tell our kids how amazing they are, but for real, not just like, I know it's everybody's a prince and a princess and can do no wrong. I don't believe in that. It's seeing what really truly is their assets and calling it out to them so that they understand that from a young age.
Tammy Afriat:Yeah, I totally see that. How when you give a real feedback to your child and that's what helps him to grow. But if you say everything is just perfect, that's not real and that's not really achieving the goal of raising their confidence, cuz. It's,
Donna Griffit:a facade. It's a facade. And then they go out in the world and they think they're the prince of or the princess of everything. And suddenly when they're not, it's very jar
Tammy Afriat:Yeah. The hits the real life. And they're like, oh my gosh, I'm not that perfect. As my mom told me., what can I do now? so I, wanna hear from you how do you shape your kids' perspective with your everyday stories about yourself, about the family?
, Donna Griffit:I try to be very open with them about stories of the past. They'll ask questions and, you know, you always have to kind of not tell everything because obviously you don't want them to know about all your, youth escapades. But finding the narrative that is honest. but it's also empowering and like maybe the lessons learned within it., and then it's creating our story, our family story, our heritage. So we have a wall, , right above we eat our little, dining nook that's filled with 26 mixed. Now for years, we just did this when we moved into this house, , a few months ago. And for years I wanted to get, mixed outs where , they print the picture on the squares. And finally we had, and for me it's a collection of moments of stories of magic that we, it's on different trips that we took and like right before a holiday and. I look at that and I, I'm like, , this is the legacy we've created. These are the moments. And to me growing up in, you know, my mom went through three divorces. I was from the first marriage and the one thing I always wanted to create for myself was a home with laughter and with love. And that we did things together and we had adventures and we had moments and no present that you buy them can compare. an experience that you have with them, or playing a game or doing something or spending that moment and listening to them. And, you know, they're, my girls are nine and six now and they talk a lot and it's hard sometimes to just, you know, give your attention over, and I'm guilty of , the smartphone taking over my life. But being able to listen, take them seriously, ask them questions , and these are really like the conversations that are gonna, I think, establish. forward, and I'm sure , when my oldest, it's preteen years,, soon it's gonna be fun.
Tammy Afriat:Yeah, they, they will have some stuff to tell about your parenting skills.
Donna Griffit:I'm sure they will. I think it's also letting them start to form their own story. and , one of the biggest pieces of work that. Did, and I met my husband when I was 34, so I was a little later to become a mom. I was 36 when Lily was born. And I think the greatest gift I gave my girls was to clean up my crap and all kinds of crap that I inherited and kind of clear the page so that at least they're not inheriting a legacy of pain and, and feeling.
Tammy Afriat:of every of many
Donna Griffit:mean, I, I think through sometimes when, you know, people have, get married or have kids when they're younger, they haven't had a full chance to work through their crap , sorting through. It's like, you know, you have a garage and it's really full of, stuff and you just keep piling it on and piling on on sometimes clearing that space. It's such a relief. So it's at least starting and making your own mistakes from a clean place. And letting that that canvas be there, that page be there for their stories to be written on.
Tammy Afriat:Yeah, so I'm wondering like if you could give us an example about yourself. For example, if you have some struggle with a colleague or something, how would you present it to your kids? What's the story you'll tell? I.
Donna Griffit:I'll try to be quite honest with them and, and describe the situation. Like they'll see I'm upset about something, you know, what's going on, and, I think honesty is really the best that they're, they're a lot more intuitive, and understanding than, than we might give them credit for., I mean, it's funny cuz it's like Lilly wants to know everything, like my husband and I'll be talking about something and she'll be like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? What are you saying? Who are you saying? And sometimes it's you know, with politics so it's, it's finding the essence of the story. and how we can turn that into a life lesson and on the fly, it really keeps you thinking. So it's not hiding things from them because I think hiding gives them either a, a false sense of security and they need to kind of know the world can be a scary place, but we are always here for you., and also . To us it's about instilling values and I think stories can really help. pushing the values that are most important. I think that each set of parents has to think, what are the values that you wanna have in your house? And for us, like for everything. Co pales in comparison to kindness. Kindness is the leading value. We want to practice kindness. We wanna show kindness, and we want it to come through in everything that we do. So it's praising the kind moments, it's encouraging the kindness, and it's like finding the moments to also highlight. So if something has happened, reflect back to them. You know, that was so amazing. Not. You helped around the camp, but you did it because you saw that I was tired and you just, you know, came, and to me that's so meaningful. So like, telling them what is meaningful about these moments or what hurt you? You know, when you yell at me and you raise your voice, , it's hard for me to hear you that way. I'm a human being too. it's like being, becoming aware, building awareness
Tammy Afriat:Mm-hmm.
Donna Griffit:So I think it's just being much more open and frank in talking to them in a respectful adult way that's kid friendly. I.
Tammy Afriat:Mm-hmm.. Yeah, I get that. I was also thinking that to tell a story from an empowering state of mind so just to be more, um,
. Donna Griffit:Empathetic.
Tammy Afriat:empathetic,
Donna Griffit:help them learn to be the problem solver. Like, ask them, what would you do? Or how can I help? Or what do you need? Instead of deciding for them, I took some parenting courses, , , when my second was born, because., you know, you see a real change in your older child when a second child comes in. And , it really helped me look at things from their perspective of like, oh my gosh, their brains are not fully developed. I can't expect them to understand me and be empathetic. And then when they start to evolve into little people, they can. So that's another thing with storytelling, you always write from your readers or your listener's perspective, not from your own. So sometimes it's doing a 180 sitting in their position and thinking what would they really want? What would make them happy? What would, , be most helpful to. And, , I think with kids, it's really very much the same and the more respect we show of understanding that place without dotting everything for you, oh my gosh, everything, then we're gonna earn a lot more respect from them.
Tammy Afriat:Yeah. it's putting yourself in their shoes to understand where they're coming . From and meet them at the point, so, so they can receive better, whatever you wanna tell them. Also,
Donna Griffit:Yeah.
Tammy Afriat:I wanted to ask, since you mentioned you have a background in drama therapy, is there any tools you are.
Donna Griffit:from drama therapy with my kids., I think become ingrained in me., I mean, the drama's definitely there and both of my girls come by it, honestly. So there's a lot of drama in the household. Um, and I also, you know, they had the opportunity to take a public speaking and debate class this semester and thereafter school I that I did not ask them. I said, no, child of mine will not be in something like that., so just using the tools of drama in terms of. Your voice and the way you carry yourself. But in terms of drama therapy, I mean, I haven't practiced it in in many years because I've gone on to other things. But some of the things that really still stick with me are perspective, like taking on a different role, are putting yourself in a different position and looking at things from another position. That's very much there in drama therapy. So I think that those are probably the things that have stayed the.
Tammy Afriat:Mm-hmm.. So look, for example, if your two daughters are fighting, then you would ask one of them. Respond to yourself as your sister.
Donna Griffit:That's, that's an excellent technique. I don't do that enough. And I should, and I know that that should be done, you know, but it's also saying, you know, how do you think she feels when you say that to her? How would you feel trying to develop empathy and, and a lot of acting, and a lot of drama is about empathy and it's about understanding how another character ticks. And I think one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids is, and empathy to me goes, it's like active kindness because , it's understanding what someone's going through and being able to say, wow, it looks like you really could use a hug, a friend, something., , and then seeing those moments where they take it themselves. So my, my daughter just was picked up for a play date, and this is a girl who started new in the school at the beginning of the year, fourth grade. And like on the second or third day, her mom, what's up? Me? And said, I really wanted to thank you so much because Lily has. My daughter feels so welcome and she was so nervous about starting a new school and she's introduced her to everyone and kind of taken her in , and to me that was like the biggest compliment ever because it means that whatever we've tried to instill in her, she's taken on and run with it.
Tammy Afriat:Mm-hmm.
Donna Griffit:And once we can help them become their own people in that and own. That's it. Like it's not it, but it's like their personality and their values are being formed at these ages, and my little one comes to her like effortlessly. She is the poster child for empathy. I'll never forget we took her one time. We were on a family getaway and we met a client of mine, , for dinner one night., this wonderful woman and she runs this super cool shoe, , brand. And, , then when we ordered dessert, we were all gonna share the dessert. And my client said, oh. And there were like some raspberries on top. My client said, oh, I love raspberries Now. Emma had just taken a big scoop of it. with the raspberry on top and she heard her say it and she took the raspberry and she put it on her plate. She was, like about four. And I'm like, wow. nobody said to her, give it to her., she decided to gift her that that is a very high ability of a child. And I, , you always wanna notice that and call it out because that's gonna strengthen it. And say, I said Emma, that is just so lovely and generous of you to shared that rasp. And she beamed. And these are the moments that we want them to remember, that we want them to take with them. because praising true moments of behavior are so much more meaningful than like empty praise.
Tammy Afriat:Yeah, we have a whole episode about reinforcement., if any of the listeners haven't heard that yet, I highly recommend to hear this with an amazing behavioral scientist, and so I totally agree with you. Whatever. Reflect and, use affirmation. That's what we'll see. increasing in our child. So that's a great way. And I also like all the empathy that you mentioned, which I also a big fan of being compassion. And so you mentioned sort of coaching your child and ask them how is your sister feeling? You know, how does your friend feel when you know you told him so-and-so? So I love that. And I wanted to ask you actually, so when you talk about telling your own story, how do you work with your,, two goals to pitch themself?
Donna Griffit:So Lily just had, they ran elections at the school cuz it's a very, you know, learned by doing kind of school and she was up for her, class representative., , so we, she had to pitch herself and you know, why she would be good for the job. And so I worked with her on the same techniques of. understanding your audience's needs and how you can meet those needs rather than just pitching how great you are and how wonderful you are. So that's what we do with any pitches, either for a startup or for someone pitching themselves and, , and finding, , that's empathy, the understanding what your audience's needs and how you can meet those needs. and she practiced and practiced , and yesterday finally got the results., and she said, you know, I didn't win, but that's okay., , and one of the people she had nominated, won. And I said, you know, that's amazing that you nominated them and you saw that in them. And she really was a good sport about it. I was, I was like crying inside for her., but I think also kids are a lot more resilient than we., going through change, I, I think sometimes we look at their disappointments and their trials and tribulations, through our perspective and think, oh wow, she's gonna lose, she's gonna be so upset. We don't wanna put that on them. We don't wanna put our narrative, let them find their.
Tammy Afriat:It's even. Talking about it, not in a place of, oh no, you lost, but so what did you gain along the way? Like what skills do you think you got improved?
Donna Griffit:Yeah,
Tammy Afriat:So that's the empowering point that we are all, that's like, I guess the point of thinking before you're talking to your child and making that empowering state of mind. So you will help your child see their skills and , for the strong suit is.
Donna Griffit:And help them explore. One of the things, , my husband is very bullish about is, he wants them to create, so for every hour that you read, do an hour of creation, whether it's drawing or writing something, or doing a dance or doing something that's externalizes. And that's to me, , I learned things from him too. that, to see that you have that same balance of encouraging them to take in and also to put out, cause those little muscles of their brain are ripe for doing anything at this point. And they're so flexible and it's not pushing them. Do every class, learn every language, but it's explore and see what you love, what you're good at. en chance you, and what you don't love so much, but also keep an open mind. And I Let them experience, let them get dirty. That was, that took a while for me to be able to use them, roll in the sand and get dirty and, and they're gonna be fine. Nothing's gonna happen. Let them try.
Tammy Afriat:Yeah, , I love the approach of, just try and you can tell if you like it, keep on going. If you don't, just leave it. But at least you give it a try. I really love it. I wanna ask you, tell us more about, Business who do you serve and how do you help them?
Donna Griffit:So, I do work mainly with startups and with businesses, helping them create their business narrative, their stories of what they do and why it matters, why it's needed to the world, and finding a way to tell it like people. Are hardwired. Our brains are hardwired to take in stories, not facts and figures and data. Since the time before we had language, we were telling stories. The early cave paintings from like 50,000 years ago were an our attempt to tell something that was going on, a moment in time to preserve that for generations to come. Stories stick with us, stories resonate with us. Stories connect people. When you hear a story, your brain, there's a part in your brain called the ins. We'll start. Four references to , oh yeah, that reminds me of the time that, and that creates this connection and this kind of identification and empathy, which also increases influence. So if somebody is like nodding to you, they're more open to hear what it is that your solution is that you want them to buy, invest in, or whatever. So that's what I help companies do. I also have my first book coming out in January.
Tammy Afriat:Exciting.
Donna Griffit:Very exciting. It's called sticking to My Story, the Alchemy of Storytelling for Startups.
Tammy Afriat:Wow, that's amazing. And Donna, thank you so much for coming and sharing stuff that I haven't heard about, such as drama therapy, thank you so much for your time. And everything will be on the show now. So if someone wants to reach out to you as a parent or as a tech person, you'll have
Donna Griffit:please, please do, please do. I thrive on stories, so if you've got a great story to tell me or you need help turning into a great story,
Tammy Afriat:You are the person,
Donna Griffit:Thank you so.
Tammy Afriat:Thank you. Have a great day.
Donna Griffit:too.