As the hostage crisis is happening in Israel, we had this important conversation with Dr.Emily Bashah, where we discussed:
Dr.Bashah is the author of the book "Additive Ideologies" and a licensed psychologist with a private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. She is an expert witness in criminal, immigration, and civil courts, she has worked on high-profile cases covering issues of domestic terrorism capital offenses, and first-degree murder.
Dr. Bashah was awarded the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues Policy Fellowship and served within the American Psychological Association’s Public Interest Government Relations Office in Washington, D.C. A frequent expert guest in media, Dr. Bashah clinically specializes in mental illness, personal and collective trauma, addiction and grief and loss, as well as family and relationship dynamics.
Relevant links:
The Optimistic American Podcast
#39 Are American citizens and children immune to extremism? with Dr. Emily Bashah PART B
As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!
You can also:
Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶
As the hostage crisis is happening in Israel, we had this important conversation with Dr.Emily Bashah, where we discussed:
Dr.Bashah is the author of the book "Additive Ideologies" and a licensed psychologist with a private practice in Scottsdale, Arizona. She is an expert witness in criminal, immigration, and civil courts, she has worked on high-profile cases covering issues of domestic terrorism capital offenses, and first-degree murder.
Dr. Bashah was awarded the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues Policy Fellowship and served within the American Psychological Association’s Public Interest Government Relations Office in Washington, D.C. A frequent expert guest in media, Dr. Bashah clinically specializes in mental illness, personal and collective trauma, addiction and grief and loss, as well as family and relationship dynamics.
Relevant links:
The Optimistic American Podcast
#39 Are American citizens and children immune to extremism? with Dr. Emily Bashah PART B
As a certified parent coach, I aim to help you set boundaries with compassion.
So grab your FREE Compassionate Parenting Guides now!
You can also:
Remember to treat yourself and your children with compassion and curiosity. 🫶
Hi, Basha. are you today?
Dr.Bashah:Good. Tami. Thank you so much for having me on your show. It's an honor to meet you and to get to know you and be invited on your podcast during these difficult
Tammy Afriat, CPC:times. Thank you for collaborating me. And I think we were in touch for a couple of weeks. And kind karma that we get to do this interview, right after the horrific events happening in Israel by a terrorist organization called Hamas . So I really appreciate you taking time and sharing your perspective as a psychologist and from your own personal and family experiences. And we'll talk today about how to prevent extremism and. I would love to first from you, how do you define extremism and what does it has to do with the book you wrote called Addicted Ideologies?
Dr.Bashah:Yes. Thank you
Tammy Afriat, CPC:much for
Dr.Bashah:having me on your show. So my partner, husband, father of our daughter, Paul Johnson, and I coauthored a book, Addictive Ideologies. Finding meaning and agency when politics fail you,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:because we
Dr.Bashah:were so concerned about these growing polarizations and extremism in the U S
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and
Dr.Bashah:also globally.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And
Dr.Bashah:what we did is we analyzed and assessed., various
Tammy Afriat, CPC:forms of genocides across the
Dr.Bashah:globe, acts of terrorism and extremism.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And
Dr.Bashah:we actually just came back from a trip to Bosnia, meeting with political and community leaders there, really understanding the atrocities that had been committed to the Bosnian population. And actually we were supposed to be in Israel this week, meeting with community and political leaders. Um, as well as
Tammy Afriat, CPC:family
Dr.Bashah:members
Tammy Afriat, CPC:having
Dr.Bashah:a reunion
Tammy Afriat, CPC:with the
Dr.Bashah:Jewish Iraqi community. so my work, I come at this
Tammy Afriat, CPC:a
Dr.Bashah:psychological lens. I do work as a forensic, expert, doing evaluations of people who are being charged
Tammy Afriat, CPC:domestic terrorism,
Dr.Bashah:extremism, capital crimes, first degree murder.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And Paul comes
Dr.Bashah:at it. He was the former mayor of. Phoenix, served two
Tammy Afriat, CPC:in the 90s,
Dr.Bashah:and he's a political expert and really committed, to political reform and raising awareness and growing the independent party in the U. S. and reducing extremism in politics today.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:we originally looked at
Tammy Afriat, CPC:family's
Dr.Bashah:story as a case. study in our book and really extrapolated that to show and illustrate how this could happen
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and how
Dr.Bashah:none of us are really immune to it.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and it
Dr.Bashah:does give
Tammy Afriat, CPC:a
Dr.Bashah:good sound theory and understanding of how someone like a terrorist organization like Hamas. Could commit such violent forms of atrocities against Israeli citizens, children, babies, women, elderly, disabled. and what we find is that they're all tied to an ideology. And that these ideologies that become violent are ones that tend to see people as an
Tammy Afriat, CPC:out group. There's a
Dr.Bashah:groupthink mentality that is happening.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:They
Dr.Bashah:see themselves as victims and oppressed. And then that lends itself
Tammy Afriat, CPC:justification that
Dr.Bashah:of the outgroup as being the oppressor. And it justifies the violence. more so it's dehumanizing of the oppressor. And so that's why we can see
Tammy Afriat, CPC:the rhetoric, a
Dr.Bashah:lot of the propaganda that's
Tammy Afriat, CPC:pushed
Dr.Bashah:from Hamas is really seeing and inflaming that they're the ones who are victimized and justifying the acts of vengeance against Israelis because they're not seeing
Tammy Afriat, CPC:Israelis as part of
Dr.Bashah:this shared humanity, or, or as human. And. There is an addiction that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that we see
Dr.Bashah:with these kinds of extremist groups,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and various
Dr.Bashah:organizations, or even people individually who commit terrorist attacks, even
Tammy Afriat, CPC:U. S.
Dr.Bashah:soil, um, is that there, there are these push and pull factors. They start to be. pulled from things that would ground them
Tammy Afriat, CPC:root them
Dr.Bashah:and connect them to
Tammy Afriat, CPC:a
Dr.Bashah:sense of belonging,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:a
Dr.Bashah:shared identity and pushing them more towards radicalization.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And
Dr.Bashah:especially there are some vulnerability factors. We can see that radical organizations or radical leaders can help prey upon people who are more vulnerable
Tammy Afriat, CPC:to
Dr.Bashah:really indoctrinate them towards these radical forms of ideology. So there's a lot of different processes, but really, I mean, it's quite simple. There's nothing that justifies or condones the acts that Hamas had inflicted in this last week and on the 50th Yom Kippur War and on the Shabbat
Tammy Afriat, CPC:in
Dr.Bashah:Israel and beheading babies and infants and tying hands of Children, uh, behind their backs and killing them execution style, raping women and parading them in the streets and celebrating their victory and dancing and singing and chanting. of these
Tammy Afriat, CPC:Horrific, uh, sadistic acts
Dr.Bashah:that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:been committed.
Dr.Bashah:I mean, it's really, it's savage and barbaric, and there's
Tammy Afriat, CPC:no justification.
Dr.Bashah:Um, our work is, if we can understand it, we can prevent it. And there are a lot of commonalities that we see across time and across the globe
Tammy Afriat, CPC:in,
, Dr.Bashah:various genocides.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:what we saw
Dr.Bashah:actually in Iraq. When my parents were living there, was that, you know, these were everyday people who just suddenly joined in the forces of the Ba'ath Party and the rise of Saddam Hussein, and they created the Jews as a scapegoat and ostracized them and, said that they are the ones who are oppressing you and they're the ones to blame, for, you everything that is going wrong in your life. And so we have to get rid of them and they're not human. They're, they don't share
Tammy Afriat, CPC:same humanity
Dr.Bashah:as us and, and they're less than human. And in doing so we saw.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:assets
Dr.Bashah:were seized
Tammy Afriat, CPC:of Jewish
Dr.Bashah:citizens, business partners, had turned on Jews, businesses were looted, Jews
Tammy Afriat, CPC:had to
Dr.Bashah:escape for their
Tammy Afriat, CPC:They
Dr.Bashah:had to go through underground passages. my father has a harrowing story of. Escaping through Kurds,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:the Kurds
Dr.Bashah:had smuggled him into Iran. This was before the revolution at the time. And, there was a safe house in Tehran for him and the U S we're helping
Tammy Afriat, CPC:different
Dr.Bashah:operations, to assist these Jews coming out of, these Arab worlds, to have safe
Tammy Afriat, CPC:to
Dr.Bashah:Israel. but what happened is. You know, it doesn't just happen overnight, but how is it that masses amounts of people can just condone such violence against people who were their neighbors, their friends, their business partners, the shopkeepers. they went to school with them. How is it that they can just turn on them after having those solidified relationships? And my family has been in Baghdad since 500 BC. This isn't,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:you know,
Dr.Bashah:they are
Tammy Afriat, CPC:Arab Jews. We
Dr.Bashah:are Arab Jews. Babylon is our home
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and we're not
Dr.Bashah:foreigners. and so
Tammy Afriat, CPC:being able to
Dr.Bashah:extrapolate what is going on, Paul and I were really able to elucidate.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:elucidate the risk
Dr.Bashah:factors for one to be pushed
Tammy Afriat, CPC:these addictive
Dr.Bashah:ideologies and the risk is seeing oneself as a victim and seeing the other as the oppressor.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So, when you talk about terrorist organization, we also kind of see as a whole, you know, that's it an organization, but I want to take it to the very person who decided. to do it. To join those terror organization and adapt those ideologies. And I want you, because in the book you are talking about the sense of agency. So if you could please elaborate on what does
Dr.Bashah:that mean? Yeah. So, you know, personal agency and I realized, your podcast
Tammy Afriat, CPC:also, you
Dr.Bashah:know, for mothers and, Parents, uh, raising Children. So I think adding a developmental approach and lens might make some sense for your audience.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:You know, there
Dr.Bashah:is a developmental approach to violence. So there's longitudinal studies that reveal that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:the most aggressive
Dr.Bashah:age across the lifespan are actually toddlers. So anyone who has a 2 year old know that.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:They're still learning.
Dr.Bashah:They're still socializing. They don't necessarily understand social emotional reciprocity. It takes time for them to learn what
Tammy Afriat, CPC:norms
Dr.Bashah:are and to see that they're going to be pushed
Tammy Afriat, CPC:outside
Dr.Bashah:of the group and not have friends if they're going to be mean to them or stealing their toys or hitting them on the head. and, you know, it seems kind of preposterous. to consider since children, you know, we see them as pure as innocent, but aggression variable study include like forceful hitting, biting, pushing, pulling on another person's body, which two year olds do. So between the ages of two and four is really crucial for parents to model and teach. Pro social behavior. And really, you're teaching them
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that
Dr.Bashah:they're they are their own
Tammy Afriat, CPC:being, and
Dr.Bashah:they do have agency and responsibility, and they need to be accountable for their behaviors. And so if a child can't socially adapt and they're being ostracized by others and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:pushed
Dr.Bashah:out of the group, they don't necessarily learn these skills and they can become emotionally and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:stunted in
Dr.Bashah:their development. So I see this in adults that I see either in the forensic work or clinical work that I do where there is this, like stunted developmental growth. That they need to
Tammy Afriat, CPC:relearn because there were
Dr.Bashah:missed opportunities in their childhood. While
Tammy Afriat, CPC:it's a minority
Dr.Bashah:of children, I should say, so parents don't freak out. Parents ultimately teach children to become socially desirable through this exchange.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:It's
Dr.Bashah:social emotional
Tammy Afriat, CPC:That's that
Dr.Bashah:give and take. I'm gonna share this toy with you because I know that you'll continue to be my friend, and I would rather have someone to play with than no one. you know, so those things
Tammy Afriat, CPC:important. And through
Dr.Bashah:the mechanism, adults and peers are now
Tammy Afriat, CPC:drawn to
Dr.Bashah:the child because the child gains affection
Tammy Afriat, CPC:from
Dr.Bashah:adults.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:gained the benefit from
Dr.Bashah:adults. They get the praise from adults
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that is going to help
Dr.Bashah:reinforce their behavior.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So you've
Dr.Bashah:got this like varied social input norms that all inform moral. development
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and
Dr.Bashah:And we see, you
Tammy Afriat, CPC:over
Dr.Bashah:time, like the brain is constantly developing their ability to to understand information
Tammy Afriat, CPC:social rules, do evolve
Dr.Bashah:over time at a deeper level because, you know, you have
Tammy Afriat, CPC:teach it
Dr.Bashah:at a very simple level when they're young and then you could expand upon that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they get
Dr.Bashah:older.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:Now with
Dr.Bashah:adolescence, it's a little trickier because now you've got the effects of testosterone and the hormones so we see this even with tweens, right, so they're not
Tammy Afriat, CPC:teens, they're
Dr.Bashah:like somewhere in between.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:Like 9 until 12 13 where where they really begin to be teenagers, right?
Dr.Bashah:Exactly. Yeah. So that's like that in between stage.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And so
Dr.Bashah:boys went by the time that they're adolescents, boys between the ages of 16 to 25
Tammy Afriat, CPC:to 25 become more aggressive
Dr.Bashah:physiologically. because of testosterone and the hormones. And so these biochemical changes correlate with increased aggression. There's more stimulus seeking.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they're
Dr.Bashah:more sensation seeking and their risk taking and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:impulsive. And again,
Dr.Bashah:their frontal lobes not developed so they don't have executive functioning and skills to like moderate. their behaviors or think, Oh, no, that's going to hurt somebody. Or, Oh, there's going to be some legal consequences if I do this. Or, Oh, my parents will punish me if I do this. Like, you know, that comes later.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and it's hard to
Dr.Bashah:prevent. but it is teachable,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:so
Dr.Bashah:that's why, like, you know, we're really strong supporters of, like, athletics,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:It's putting them
Dr.Bashah:in teams where they can feel, like, a sense of pride in their sport, that's also teaching them self discipline and self regulation, these pro social group activities. These tendencies If they're not controlled, these aggressive
Tammy Afriat, CPC:can
Dr.Bashah:manifest into externalized behaviors or violence, if they haven't
Tammy Afriat, CPC:the
Dr.Bashah:social skills during that critical period of time, and it can have a very different impact on the adolescent male, that trend then more towards conduct problems, oppositional defiant, and, behaviors, which can be precursors for, development of antisocial personality disorder later.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So, I'm sensing that Agencies is actually the awareness that one has that he has to control his own actions, behavior, thoughts, you know, all those kind of things. And also that if he is not controlling them, then there will be outcomes. So that would affect not only himself, but also the people around him, right? Yeah, So
Dr.Bashah:agency is a mindset. It's adopted through learned behavior and having agency is the belief that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:have the ability and power.
Dr.Bashah:To effectively make changes that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:inform your
Dr.Bashah:being And they determine the outcomes that then shape your life.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:This is free.
Dr.Bashah:Well,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and so it's a belief in
Dr.Bashah:yourself about your inner strength, your resilience, your flexibility, your ability to adapt to change and do difficult things and yet still have the ego strength. But you're holding that responsibility and accountability. for yourself. Now, this doesn't just happen like you have to develop
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and
Dr.Bashah:it's through struggle that we learn it. It's I call it struggle muscles. I tell my clients all that time, like, you know, all the time. I'm like, okay, these we have to engage your struggle muscles because like they need to be activated in
Tammy Afriat, CPC:for
Dr.Bashah:us to build upon them. So we can always change our self narrative. So what we tell ourselves, if we really believe we're the victim, we've been wronged. It was their fault. They're the oppressor.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:You know, we have
Dr.Bashah:to be able to
Tammy Afriat, CPC:look
Dr.Bashah:at that narrative or habit and things that we're telling ourselves and sometimes how our
Tammy Afriat, CPC:interacted with us
Dr.Bashah:has tremendous impact on shaping our self construct. Sometimes it has to do with our external situation and circumstances that inform these internal scripts and the worldview and as adults. You know, we in turn play a large role in how our Children will view themselves.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:our goal as parents
Tammy Afriat, CPC:order to promote
Dr.Bashah:Self agency is to raise Children who are socially adept. They're emotionally intelligent. They have a sense of like a moral consciousness. They're driven, They're ambitious, but they're also productive members of society. They don't just
Tammy Afriat, CPC:see
Dr.Bashah:themselves. They see that they're part of a larger group and that group is dependent on them and they're dependent on the group. There's this beautiful interrelationship. we should want them to be independent thinkers for themselves and to fall and get back up and to learn from that experience.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:so I'm wondering how do you recommend and also you could give some specific example and how parents can protect their children while they're also not, and over overshifting them with, you know, natural consequences.
Dr.Bashah:Yes, that's really important. you know, so I think that there's a couple different tips and strategies that I would suggest. so gaming and social media can definitely have an addictive potential, especially for, adolescence. So, really monitoring Their access to smartphones, what they're doing on their smartphones. who are they communicating with? What kind of information and content is being shared with people? They're communicating with,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:because there are recruiters online who are. radicalizers from
Dr.Bashah:extremist organizations, and they're searching for vulnerable youth who can be exploited. And so monitoring the online activity is a really important idea, having lots of conversations with them.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:research illustrates
Dr.Bashah:that gaming activates this dopaminergic pathway. It's an excitatory response system, and it releases dopamine and adrenaline, and it feels good, and it wants us.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:to keep going
Dr.Bashah:back.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:so it can have
Dr.Bashah:that addictive component. and this activates
Tammy Afriat, CPC:I
Dr.Bashah:mean, we see that in all kinds of addictions like substance use or gaming or gambling.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:so we, we
Dr.Bashah:just really
Tammy Afriat, CPC:want
Dr.Bashah:to monitor it and counteract that.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:Number
Dr.Bashah:two, ideologies operate really in a similar way as addictions.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:in that people continue to
Tammy Afriat, CPC:things that harm them,
Dr.Bashah:and despite
Tammy Afriat, CPC:hurting themselves and the people
Dr.Bashah:they love
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and they
Dr.Bashah:can't control themselves.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And these
Dr.Bashah:ideologies have an obsessional quality.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:They can't
Dr.Bashah:quite stop. And, It's difficult once they're psychologically and emotionally invested and engaged, which can have the potential to rise towards the violence or aggression. So
Tammy Afriat, CPC:substance
Dr.Bashah:use disorders and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:ideological addictions
Dr.Bashah:can be exacerbated by one's desire
Tammy Afriat, CPC:fill this void
Dr.Bashah:in their
Tammy Afriat, CPC:especially
Dr.Bashah:if they feel like They've been pushed out of their peer group. They're ostracized. They're bullied. They're not wanted. They don't have
Tammy Afriat, CPC:sense of
Dr.Bashah:belonging or a strong sense of identity. And there's this desire to overcome the beliefs that their lives are destroyed, that they're humiliated,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they're
Dr.Bashah:embarrassed, that their life is meaningless,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:or
Dr.Bashah:that they're rejected socially. and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they feel powerless.
Dr.Bashah:to affect
Tammy Afriat, CPC:pro
Dr.Bashah:social change.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So number
Dr.Bashah:three, we really want to buffer and build the support system to
Tammy Afriat, CPC:them
Dr.Bashah:and shield them from these possible effects. And so,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that
Dr.Bashah:might be their coach, it might be their teachers,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:might be
Dr.Bashah:their community centers that they participate in, extended family, neighbors that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:trust,
Dr.Bashah:psychologists.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that, you
Dr.Bashah:know, when
Tammy Afriat, CPC:trust
Dr.Bashah:are going to be positive influences because sometimes children don't listen to their parents,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they'll listen to other authority
Dr.Bashah:figures instead. So you might actually get some,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:um. Yeah, you might. That's what happens when teen, teen and preteen comes in you say they would say, no, I'm gonna do Y. like. Exactly. Exactly.
Dr.Bashah:So, you know, you
Tammy Afriat, CPC:start to lose that
Dr.Bashah:influence. So having those like really important authority figures that they respect and admire that you trust who are influencing them becomes so much more important.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:can I pause you for just a second, because this podcast is also meant younger kiddos. Yes If could also, Give us some example that we can think about and the intention in our parenting for the toddlers that you just mentioned, it's still be great. Yes, yeah,
Dr.Bashah:absolutely.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So I'll
Dr.Bashah:just finish off these recommendations and then
Tammy Afriat, CPC:I'll talk about
Dr.Bashah:the toddlers.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:so number four,
Dr.Bashah:I would say, don't alienate them.. You know, especially like, for the older older ones,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:You
Dr.Bashah:know, if they've already become ideologically extreme. in their belief systems
Tammy Afriat, CPC:or
Dr.Bashah:in their behaviors, you don't really want to engage in
Tammy Afriat, CPC:power
Dr.Bashah:struggle with them. research tells us by confronting their beliefs head on
Tammy Afriat, CPC:people
Dr.Bashah:who have already become radicalized, it's just going to further push them away and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:going
Dr.Bashah:to see you as, an opposition. And so you're not going to have any influence at that point. So rather than trying to
Tammy Afriat, CPC:them
Dr.Bashah:with facts, really just... Go in questioning, like be very open with them, supportive with them.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:really not trying
Dr.Bashah:to engage in like counter evidence and that kind of conversation or dispute with them, but really just ask them questions like, how did they get to that solution? How did they get to that concept or idea? What led them there? So have them extrapolate
Tammy Afriat, CPC:themselves so
Dr.Bashah:that they
Tammy Afriat, CPC:also
Dr.Bashah:see that there are things that don't quite add up or piece together for them and really. Reinforcing their morals and ethics and values that you and that person shared,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:before
Dr.Bashah:they were radicalized.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:what we know with tribalism is that people who adopt a certain
Tammy Afriat, CPC:identity
Dr.Bashah:to a group
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that they
Dr.Bashah:become so invested
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and
Dr.Bashah:so loyal that. there's nothing that this group can do wrong. So they're constantly justifying things that they do that may be immoral or harmful, or hurtful to other people., what we want to do is really
Tammy Afriat, CPC:pull
Dr.Bashah:up this cognitive dissonance and say, Hey, you know, there is a tension
Tammy Afriat, CPC:that's there that there's anxiety that's
Dr.Bashah:produced because. It goes against your morals, what you're doing and what you're agreeing with and what you're saying goes against the foundation
Tammy Afriat, CPC:what
Dr.Bashah:you believe in. And so if you can keep that construct of that dialectic, we call it in psychology, that That conflict that's there and do some deeper work, it can help to prevent going off the deeper end and just justifying everything that your group has
Tammy Afriat, CPC:doing or
Dr.Bashah:saying. And I mean, honestly,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:what we've
Dr.Bashah:been seeing with, pro Hamas, supporters who are just, you know, defending Hamas. Irrespective of who they murdered and how they killed them and,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:the
Dr.Bashah:barbaric and sadistic and savage acts
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they
Dr.Bashah:had committed against innocent civilians,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:and say
Dr.Bashah:things like, Israeli, Israelis deserved it.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:You know, they're
Dr.Bashah:the colonizer, they're the oppressor. it was just a matter of time. And so, really, that's as an example. So the last recommendation I would say is,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:you
Dr.Bashah:know, during times of loss and grief and trauma, we can all be confronted with this like deep existential questioning at various times in our lives. Like asking, who am I? What am I about? What do I believe in? Where do I derive meaning and purpose? What am I meant to do in my life?
Tammy Afriat, CPC:And
Dr.Bashah:we can find ourselves at different times, feeling insecure, feeling
Tammy Afriat, CPC:unsure of
Dr.Bashah:ourselves. and this process really informs identity construction and informs what we do and why we do it. And it. It's important because the other side of it is that
Tammy Afriat, CPC:promotes a
Dr.Bashah:dissolution of self and so by engaging in activities that promote
Tammy Afriat, CPC:this meaning
Dr.Bashah:and purpose, a sense of belonging and commitment to community and pro social ways can really strengthen our identity and confidence and security and who we are.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:I get that. And that's actually something that you could start and do with your toddlers, you know, start and see where their passion lies. so they can invest their time and their energy there in the, you know, whatever they like do sports, art and craft, theater, whatever it is. Right. And so they grow into the place where they feel belongs. they feel the meaning of their life. They, they feel connected and feel their value.
Dr.Bashah:yeah, absolutely. And
Tammy Afriat, CPC:I
Dr.Bashah:just wanted to address your other question about,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:know, over protecting
Dr.Bashah:children or like, what
Tammy Afriat, CPC:parents do for
Dr.Bashah:toddlers?
Tammy Afriat, CPC:so
Dr.Bashah:parents who
Tammy Afriat, CPC:over protect Children foster
Dr.Bashah:high degrees of stress and anxiety and an inability for their Children
Tammy Afriat, CPC:learn how
Dr.Bashah:to deal with challenges on their own that they're going to face as a young adult.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:it's a balancing act, right? Obviously you want. To ensure that your child is physically safe, but sometimes
Tammy Afriat, CPC:them to
Dr.Bashah:really do
Tammy Afriat, CPC:things that
Dr.Bashah:are emotionally difficult,
Tammy Afriat, CPC:to
Dr.Bashah:build that resilience and that trust
Tammy Afriat, CPC:belief in
Dr.Bashah:themselves factor.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:going
Dr.Bashah:to build that confidence that they have in themselves to know I can
Tammy Afriat, CPC:through this. I
Dr.Bashah:can survive this. I can find a way out. I can find a creative solution.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:that confidence only happens in their. That personal intersection with others without interference by a parent attempting to save them. If you come in and
Tammy Afriat, CPC:save
Dr.Bashah:them and rescue them, they're
Tammy Afriat, CPC:not going
Dr.Bashah:to learn those skills. Cause they'll, they'll think, well, my parents don't believe in me and trust me to be able to get through it. Why should I? and children, like
Tammy Afriat, CPC:they
Dr.Bashah:absorb everything.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:more what you do
Dr.Bashah:rather than what you say. Like what you think you're teaching them is not what you're teaching them. It's how you're It's everything else.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:all
Dr.Bashah:the non verbals that you're showing them that they're absorbing.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So
Dr.Bashah:we have to be mindful of that too.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So between, you
Dr.Bashah:know, usually two and four years old, children learn how their aggression and unwillingness to share or be nice creates an environment where other children might not want to play with them or reject them Right? And so they learn from that. Are they going to continue being aggressive or are they going to play nice and be kind and share? so they. Children also learn how to gain acceptance by understanding these natural consequences, even at an early age. So as a parent, we don't want to prevent them from having that learning by
Tammy Afriat, CPC:coming in
Dr.Bashah:and rescuing them, because it's so important to their development. And it's part of resilience, because it's an important life skill with many benefits. So it's critical that parents obviously ensure your child is safe, but it's also key to balance that While making them strong and emotionally intelligent.
Tammy Afriat, CPC:So when you mentioned kind of do not own your child discomfort and actually take responsibility your child when he does those unacceptable thing in social setting. And I want following that, I want to ask you because in your book, you have something that I really resonate with. You talk about restorative justice. versus punitive justice in the context of countries. But I to ask you, when it comes to sibling fights, how do you implement that idea to help, parent be a better
Dr.Bashah:parent?