More Than A Side Hustle
More Than A Side Hustle
Overcoming Fertility Challenges as a Geriatric (35 yr old) Pregnant Woman
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In this episode, I open up about my fertility struggles during Infertility Awareness Week. From miscarriages to medical interventions, I share the emotional journey of facing genetic testing and fertility treatments like IVF. I discuss the contrast between my first pregnancy and subsequent challenges, including low egg count and early menopause symptoms. Join me as I navigate a high-risk pregnancy and confront a medical diagnosis, finding strength in unwavering support from my husband. Through my story, I offer empathy and understanding to others grappling with infertility, shedding light on this often unspoken struggle.
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Personal Journey Through Infertility and Loss
Speaker 1Hello everyone and welcome to more than a side hustle podcast . This is my first podcast by myself ever . We've been doing this for over two years , over a hundred plus episodes , and this is the first time I'm doing one by myself , so I am a little nervous . I'm not even a nervous person , but I am a little nervous about this podcast and just the topic I'm going to be talking about . But I think that it's important for our community and just for people to hear , and there's no reason for me not to share at this point . So I want to share about our 2023 journey of getting pregnant , as this is Infertility Awareness Week , from April 21st to April 27th .
Speaker 1Now I had to write my notes down to make sure I get everything across . If you see me looking down , that's what's happening . Last year , I was pregnant three times , which means that I had two miscarriages . So this podcast I'll walk you through the emotions of it all , just trying to figure it out , sharing with you , educating others and maybe those that have experienced the same thing can relate as well . Now you may be saying , well , I'm a man or I'm a woman that's never experienced this before , so why do I need to listen to this .
Speaker 1I think in our community , infertility or things that come up isn't spoken about as much . So I think in our community , infertility or things that come up isn't spoken about as much . So I think this is just an opportunity to learn and hear more . It also is a reminder that you never know what people are going through . So always those constant questions of do you want another child , do you even want a child , or anything along those lines . Being mindful of that I know sometimes it's not coming from a negative place , but it still can be very triggering and then also , just maybe you can share this with a loved one , then maybe you see a different side of things that you've never thought of before . So I do have to address that . This will be a shock for many people in my life and Anthony's life .
Speaker 1I did not talk about it to anyone really . Of course , anthony , my husband's fully aware of everything that we went through . My best friend was aware of the journey as well , but even my mother , which is someone that I would consider a best friend as well , knew about these miscarriages , but not necessarily this fertility journey that we kind of went on after that . So I do just want to say this to say there are some people I see I speak to very frequently and this had nothing to do with you , right ? This had nothing to do with , like , oh , I didn't feel comfortable telling you . It more had to do with myself .
Speaker 1It was a very , very emotional and difficult year . It was just hard to speak about without crying . It just felt it's hard to just bring it up out of nowhere . It just felt negative . It didn't really I don't know how to explain it , but it's just not something that I want to talk about at all until I'm in a place now to speak about it and I feel like this would answer questions and I don't have to tell people individually . It's more of me sharing , if you will , diary type version , if you will but also just letting my loved ones know what I went , what we went through and the whole process of it all . So , like I said , it's not you , it's me , but either way , let me just let's kind of talk through and walk through this journey that we went through in 2023 .
Speaker 1To bring it back , I got pregnant or found out , I guess , if you will a week before Alani's first birthday . I remember I think her birthday landed on a Wednesday last year in 2023 . And literally a week before I found out that I was pregnant , like the Tuesday . I so happened to be going to my PCP that day . They did a urine test and confirmed it . It was a Tuesday . On the Wednesday Now I started bleeding and I'm like , okay , what the hell is , this Isn't good . But it felt like a , like a . My mental cycle had started . Really so couldn't . It was at night , so I couldn't contact my doctor .
Speaker 1So the next day they do a blood work , uh , acg test , where they kind of test your levels . Your levels get higher , as you know , the further you on in your pregnancy and they're like , yeah , this will be , we would consider this a chemical pregnancy . So you may say , what is that ? Because I had never heard of it and she had to explain to me . Really , it's kind of a woman . They say not to test if you're pregnant unless you are like eight days after missing your cycle . I had tested five days after . I mean , who in their right mind is waiting eight days ? But I had tested five days after . And the reason they say that is because , say , I had waited those eight days , I wouldn't even had known that I was pregnant , it just would have been a late period . It would have been a late menstrual cycle that happened . So that's part of the reason .
Speaker 1So , essentially , it's kind of like I guess your body was gonna be , but it was kind of making a decision if it was gonna be pregnant or not . And with the chemical pregnancy , it just means like got your period and that's it . Like life just kind of went on . So I really , to be frank with you , didn't have any feelings about that at the time . I just was like okay , well and I've said this story before back in 2020 , we had the first time I've ever gotten pregnant . We had a miscarriage then as well . So this time around , with it being a chemical pregnancy , which was a little different , I just was like , okay , I didn't really I don't know , I didn't feel as sad about it as I thought I would have . She said yeah , you got your period . So life kind of just goes on . You know , you continue to try to . Didn't have to do any surgery , didn't have to take any pills or anything like that .
Speaker 1The next month I got pregnant again . So back to back technically , I got pregnant , next month I got pregnant , and this time I got pregnant . Next month I got pregnant and this time , you know , once again , my doctor always brings me in for ACG testing , where I'll go in on a Tuesday and then check again on a Thursday and Friday to see that the levels are going up , and it was so we're like , okay , this seems like it will work out . But if you didn't know , you don't really go in for like a sonogram until you're about nine weeks . So at that time I think it was around Easter of 2023 . And we had told my mother , but also it's also like a precaution of but let's just make sure we make it to the other appointment . And then I also had went on a trip to Napa Valley with friends and my best friend was there . So I told her and I once again I gave like a disclaimer of don't get too excited , basically , uh , and we went to that nine week appointment and they said , sorry , we don't see a heartbeat kind of ended . It seems like it stopped at six weeks , which is almost exactly what happened the first time .
Struggling With Infertility and Testing
Speaker 1So now at this point , it's technically been three miscarriages that I've had , but two back to back and that was , I don't know , round shattering , I don't know . That one really threw me for a loop , like okay , made it feel , like okay , there's an issue happening here . Why is this happening ? In my head , I'm like okay , this is three miscarriages Like what's going on ? I had , I had my daughter in between that , one miscarriage , daughter , and then now two back-to-back miscarriages Like what is what's happening ? So that was really really difficult .
Speaker 1My doctor just was saying you know , we're going to do some testing . I can't remember the exact wording , but he wanted to do basically some genetic testing and if anything came back like a flag I forgot the exact wording for it I'm going to refer you to a fertility specialist . His thought was you know , we just had two back to back miscarriages and you are going to be 35 . This is all happening Maybe April of 2023 , I'm turning 35 at that point in December . So he's like it's a concern of mine . You know , if you didn't know , once you hit 35 , it's considered a geriatric pregnancy . So he was concerned and I'm like fine , test , let's do what we got to do . Something came back on his flag where he's like on the genetic testing that he did , and he then referred me to the fertility specialist so that I had to wait like two weeks for his test , etc . Refer me to this fertility specialist . If you didn't know . When you're trying to see a specialist , they're like booked out months in advance . So I call and they're like yeah , we are probably next appointment September . I was like September . Are you kidding me ? I'm going to have to wait from April May this is about April May , I think to September to see the doctor . It didn't work out that way because I just told him let me know if you have any cancellations , right ?
Speaker 1So during this time it's an emotional roller coaster because I am constantly crying , constantly crying , feeling sad . I won't say I got as far as depressed , but I was just really , really sad and I don't know if I was upset , but just wondering what's wrong with me , even though you know , you know it's like it's not your fault , but these are still things that flow through your mind in the moment while you're going through it . These are things that were going through my mind of like what is wrong ? But when you have another child it's very hard to stay sad because then your child comes running in looking for you . But I would say , you know , there were times where I'm just working and I burst out crying and I'm like , okay , or I'm on Instagram and I see someone get pregnant . I'm like , oh , they're so lucky to be just being able to get pregnant . Mind you , I don't know what they're going through , but that's visually how it seems .
Speaker 1Or I would just be laying in bed crying , or I need some alone time , or I felt like some things were slacking in the household . On my part , I would say , even just with Anthony , I just didn't feel as romantic . I just was out of it really that time and I you just think the worst essentially . So I'm thinking the worst of okay , I won't be able to have another child Now . Granted , I am an only child , though I never really had thoughts of , I've , never was that person that I guaranteed need three kids or two kids , or whatever the case may be . I just was like , if it happens , it happens .
Speaker 1I always knew I wanted a kid , but I didn't know like how many . Right , I always said three would be my max . I'm not having more than that . If that one may be fine for me , but I think that when you can't have something , it feels like you really wanted even more . I don't know , but in the moment it just really felt heartbreaking , ground shattering and just debilitating , Like I , emotionally I just couldn't get it together . I could not even speak about what I was like really going through . So that was probably the hardest time .
Speaker 1But it continues to feel that way and , in regards to how it was showing up for other people , I didn't really showcase that to anyone else , just internally in my home . And part of the reason why I didn't say anything to my mother specifically is because when she listens to it she would agree she's a very emotional person to it . She would agree she's a very emotional person in front , like very over the top . So I feel like it would be it's hard for me to tell her and like , keep a straight face because I'm going to be breakdown crying . She may be breaking down crying and I didn't want her to worry . Essentially I'm like I don't really have all the facts yet , so I don't want you to worry and kind of carry that if you don't need to was my thought around it really .
Speaker 1So that was happening and then I finally got in and saw this doctor in July , right . So when I saw them they're looking at my paperwork they're like okay , you know , this process can take like four to five months of what we need to . We need to test , which I didn't know that . I figured that I was going there and they'll do blood work or sonogram or something and within maybe three weeks to a month I would have an answer on what the next steps are . That was my thought , but no , she had to test like 12 weeks out . There was so many different things . So I want to just talk through some of the things that my doctor was looking for or doing , I should say , during that time . Now , I'm not a medical professional , so if there's different words used , I will , I'll explain the things that I understood and if it's wrong and you're like that's not it , okay , that's fine , but this is I'm just sharing . You know my story .
Speaker 1So I went there in July and the first thing we did was like blood work and the first thing she said to me she also did a sonogram was that the only thing I see right now ? She's like we got to do blood work . We got to continue to do more extensive things . The only thing that I see right now is that you have few eggs , basically like a small amount of eggs smaller than your age should have . Essentially , she's like that's the only thing I can see based on looking at this sonogram . And it's funny because I started my cycle at a really , really young age and I was like , does that have to do with it ? Because you know how they say you're born with a certain amount , so you probably would end a little earlier . According to her , she said no , but I still feel that has something to do .
Speaker 1Then they had me start on birth control . Their thought is that during this process they don't want you to get pregnant because they want to get all the answers that they can . And it's like OK , understood . So every time I went it was some type of blood work . Can I name every blood work that was being done ? Not necessarily , I was asking them to let me know , but I didn't really necessarily have an understanding for every single thing that they tested . One thing that came back was that my beta was high . I couldn't tell you what a beta is , but what she explained to me was that my number was at 75 . And if you're over 80 , then you need medications to carry a baby . So that was clear to me .
Speaker 1I also did a fallopian tube test , which is I won't get into the details . It's pretty uncomfortable , but it's basically to see liquid flowing through and see that if your fallopian tubes are working At this point , only one side kind of flowed through correctly , the other one didn't , but they stated that wasn't a problem because you only need one fallopian tube to be working to have a baby or to get pregnant and things like that . So I was off and on of birth control for about a month and a half , because they tell you when to stop , tell you when to start , tell you when to stop , because you're looking for things . They only can test things a certain day eight of this and so it was kind of that as well . So even during this process you may be saying well , you know , even if it didn't work , then then maybe you can get pregnant during this time . And that wasn't the case , because they made sure that within the next four or five months that I , that I can't because of these tests that they wanted to run . Then they did a saline sonogram which , to my understanding , was to just see a clearer view of the uterus and everything Like it was like pushing liquid into you so they can really get a wider range of things , and at that you know when she did that . Once again , everything looks great
Emotional Rollercoaster of Medical Journey
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1So you go through these mix of emotions , right , you're like why is this happening to me ? But then you're getting positive results , if you will , you're like , okay , well , maybe it's not that bad , but you're still worried . Is is what I would say ? Like the worry doesn't stop at any point . It doesn't stop because I don't know for a fact what this is . So every time you know I would get a result and it's like , okay , well , this actually looks good , this looks good . I'm not seeing this . I'm not seeing this . So I'm like you know why ? It's like one . It's like why am I even here ? I remember one time , even thinking to myself as I was laying on the table one time , like I felt like I don't belong here . Right , but I am here . So maybe let's just see what's going on .
Speaker 1And during this time , I would say that Anthony or any time really , anthony tends to look at the or try to shed light on the positive side of things , like , well , well , we don't know yet , or it doesn't have to mean this , it could mean this , which I love that for him , but in the moment , you just feel so negative . I'm like , yeah , but it could mean the other thing , right , it could mean that this isn't going to be the outcome that we want . It's a 50 , 50 chance at this point during this process , how it feels . It's a 50-50 chance at this point and these are the conversations that we were having just on top of me feeling very emotional about it as well . Like I said , they're doing blood work all the time and you may be saying , well , what are they testing for ?
Speaker 1They're just testing for any genetic or autoimmune disease or anything that could be contributing to the pregnancy losses . That's basically what the point of the blood work and everything is like . Do we see something medically that we can say , okay , this is the reason why you are having miscarriages , and now we can treat it ? And I'll continue to go through the story . But what made it worse in the end is kind of like they didn't , they didn't see something that they can pinpoint as to . This is what's happening and now we can treat it . And I think about I'm a mental health therapist and I kind of think about people when they they talk about when they finally get diagnosed with a diagnosis and it feels great because it's like OK , now I know what it is and now we can proceed . And for , in this situation , while you're waiting , each time and you're getting positive news , it's kind of like , yeah , but if we knew what it was , then we could treat it and kind of move forward .
Speaker 1That was my , my thought really behind it . So , um , towards the end of September now , uh , she you know , the nurse calls me and said that my anti-adrenal antibodies came back positive . Okay , thanks , but what does that mean ? You always have to ask , like , what does that mean ? She's like , oh , it possibly could mean an autoimmune disease where your body's working against yourself . Okay , so now things are getting to be shaky .
Speaker 1So we started this in July . Now we're at the end of September and things are taking a turn for a medical issue . So she's like , I'm going to refer you to a medical endocrinologist and I'm like , ok , so when I talk about the worry doesn't stop , and I talk about that feeling of you know why , me and , like I said , you just think the worst and some may say , well , why are you thinking about , you know , death or anything like that , when we were talking about a pregnancy issue ? And I'm like , because it's in your body and I can't really see what's going on . I just know that there's a medical issue or a medical concern , right , so refer me to a medical endocrinologist Once again with those specialties . You gotta wait I don't know four or five months to see people .
Speaker 1But she referred me to this person and it was like a concierge practice , which is really kind of like a private practice , which is like $350 just to see this person . Insurance doesn't cover it , etc . And I said I was going to write a list of um , how much I think this process cost me . Yes , we have insurance , but I forgot to do it before getting on . But I can do a guesstimate as to how much money came out of my HSA , fsa card account for all these things that we went through . So , on top of emotional things , there's the financial side of it , which I do understand . Not everybody is even able to afford and do , depending on what type of insurance you have , et cetera , et cetera .
Speaker 1I get there to the medical endocrinologist and she's like why are you here , ok ? Well , ma'am , I was referred by a doctor that I think works , you know , refers people to you generally . So she's looking at the information that my doctor doctor , I guess sent over and she's asking me questions and she's like I don't think you have , I don't think you have autoimmune disease like I don't . I don't think that that's what this is . I said , well , that would be great for me , but this is what my doctor said to do , so are you gonna call her tomorrow to kind of figure out ? So she's asking me questions . She's like at this I'm working out regularly . She's like you wouldn't be able to go to the gym every day . You wouldn't be able to do some of these things that you do daily .
Speaker 1If you had this , this autoimmune disease , you would know that you had it . She's like JFK had it . If you had something like this , it would be detrimental to your life . And I'm like okay , every appointment , I feel like I'm crying in every appointment because it never feels like you're like , even though I'm getting these positive results , but in the moment it just feels like Jesus Christ , um , what's going to happen now ? Like what's next ? Right ? So she was like you know , I'll , I'll do more blood work and test for these specific things to find out if you do . And if you don't , then no need to come back . You know you can move forward with life if you want to be mindful . I'm like I'm not going to remember these things 20 years from now . If something does happen . I may remember . I saw someone and you said I didn't have these stuff , but I'm not gonna remember everything . So she's just like oh , if you want to be mindful of this , something to consider . What basically they were saying is that they do see women with multiple losses to have this autoimmune disease .
Speaker 1And I think , because it came back as a possible flag to my doctor , she was like , let me just refer out . It's kind of like you know certain doctors or certain things like this ain't my . This is not my part of the thing . I see something , let me just double check . That's what essentially . It turned out being a double check situation . So I'm down another hole of thinking okay , my life is about to change . I have a medical issue . It's not even about this child anymore . I have to be healthy for Alani and my husband and my family . When I tell you , my life is spiraling , it's spiraling and you still have to show up to work every day . You still have to show up as a mother . You still have to show up as a wife . You still have to show up as a friend , you still have to show up as a daughter , as a cousin and all these things while still dealing with this big medical concern that you think could possibly be happening .
Speaker 1So once that was cleared , cleared up , I got like I did like my last blood work in October and then I had another sonogram because after I remember I said I was on birth control for about a month and a half . After I stopped the birth control I didn't get my cycle , which was weird Generally . I mean when I did it before for them , when I started to stop , I stopped within three days . I you know I had gotten my cycle . So it had been like close to 30 plus days at this point that I didn't get my cycle . So they're like come in , let's , let's do a sonogram and see what's going on . They call me and say it doesn't look like your cycle is coming . We like we don't even see a egg about to drop .
Speaker 1So you have two options you just wait for it to drop or you can take birth control to kind of rev it , not rev it up if you will . But take birth control , stop it and then you'll bleed , just like . But if you do that , that's not necessarily you getting your period , it's just for you to bleed , for kind of peace of mind . So I'm like , no , I feel like I've been doing all this stuff . I just rather just do it , you know , on its own , like it will happen on its own , which was still another mind . I don't want to get cursed here , but still a lot , because I'm like I don't even feel comfortable going out because I don't , in my head I'm like at any point I could start , I could start bleeding here , like at any point , I don't know when , when it's coming . So that was a chance within ourselves . So when I talk about these , like you're getting positive news , but then these things are just kind of happening .
Speaker 1So had to go to this medical endocrinologist . Now I'm not even getting my cycle , which you know that if I can't get my cycle then I apparently can't even get pregnant . So like what is going on ? So I decided not to do anything , just wanted it to happen naturally and it didn't come . But I'm freaking out because I've had my cycle , like I said , at a very , very young age and never in my life have I missed a month , never in my life . I mean outside from . I was on birth control consistently . So there were times that it was missed , but I was on birth control , so that made sense , but never just it not coming , and I know . So that was something that was really stressing me out , cause I know the doctor was like , well , maybe , and I'm like there is no maybe , because I know that I've always gotten it , but , sure , fine . So I am trying to .
Speaker 1I know there's times where throughout this process , I'm just like trying to hold it together and I just feel like I can't . I feel like I want to know a result but also , at the same time , I don't know if I can continue to like , feel like this and go through this , because I'm feeling really , really down and just not feeling like myself . I should say one , I do have emotions for those of my friends that say say One , I do have emotions . For those of my friends that say I don't , I do have emotions , but I'm really not someone that cries a lot really . So this was something new for me to be feeling . And you may be saying oh well , you have all the rights to . You're going through all through this . You're going through a lot , which I agree , but it was still difficult to go through . It didn't feel like what I'm used to essentially , of dealing with it and moving on , or dealing with it and having the answers . It just didn't feel that way essentially . So that was very difficult , right .
Speaker 1So now we're at November 7th , which is my last appointment . So if you walk through this with me , this is from July . Well , the miscarriages happened March , april , july . I finally saw my fertility specialist . From July to November I am doing blood work , saline , sonogram , fallopian tube , endocrinologist , extrasonic , like so every other week or every few weeks I'm coming to the doctor and doing something from July to November and it's the last appointment . In the appointment we were there to discuss it all Okay , like we've gotten all the results that we needed , we've tested everything that we need . This is what I think we should do . That was the point of this appointment after the past five months . And I just remember the date because it stood out , because I felt like damn , this shit is far , this shit is really far . It's November 7th .
Speaker 1And she says you know , like I said from the beginning , the first time I saw you , I feel like your egg levels are really low . It's not necessarily the quality , it's just the quantity of the amount of eggs that you have . We see normal genetics , we see the uterus is fine . We see the thyroid is normal . We think that your ovaries might be starting to fail . So she's like this could have been happening for a long time . You just didn't know about
Fertility Options and Emotional Considerations
Speaker 1it .
Speaker 1Because , of course , I'm asking well , could this have been seen before ? How could we have addressed this or dealt with this before ? And why did I have such a knock on wood healthy pregnancy with my first daughter ? Like , why was that ? Why did that happen ? If I have this issue and it's not that she didn't have the answer , but essentially she's like yeah , it's not something we would check for unless we check for it . And it reminds me of like , when people talk about they , they take their car in for one thing sometimes and then you take it out and then something else happens . You're like how do y'all not see this ? And they're like well , we didn't look for that , we just changed the tire , we didn't look to see that something else was going on , and so that's what it kind of reminded me of .
Speaker 1She's like we just had no way to know , but it could have been happening for a long time , or could this just could be starting . There's no way to really tell and I didn't mention this before , but during the time of me not getting my menstrual cycle for that month , that had me kind of freaking out . I didn't identify it as this , but as I was describing it to her , she was like , okay , you probably were having hot flashes . So during this time I was having hot flashes , I was experiencing I just would become really hot , have to turn on the AC overnight during the day . I'm like , do you not feel this ? Are you not feeling as hot as I am ?
Speaker 1I would tell Anthony , and when I was telling her she was kind of like it's called like perimenopause , like the start of menopause , really early . She's like it sounds like that . One with me missing my cycle , two , with me having these hot flashes . I'm like okay , okay , so some things are going well and some things are feeling like you know , this is , this is not . I don't think this is going to happen , right , um , so at the end of it she's like these are really our options . This is where we are . Our options are IVF , iui or egg donation .
Speaker 1She wasn't a fan of IUI , ivf . She was like you know , you can do it . This is . This is where I don't know if you guys know , but IVF is not necessarily a guarantee either , but it's just what they'll do . She was like my thought is that since , because , due to you having such low eggs , if you want to have kids , we should take those eggs out and kind of fertilize it . We can't wait any longer to see if you do it naturally , basically . So I was like well , how quickly do you think I'd have to do this ? She was like I would start you like next few weeks , month .
Speaker 1I'm like , oh OK , she spoke about egg donation , which I wasn't really clear on that . I can . I'm going to be frank with you . I'm like , well , what does that really mean ? She's like essentially , we take an egg from another woman and put it inside you , and your take an egg from another woman and put it inside you , um , and your husband , it's like that egg in your husband's dna .
Speaker 1I was like so am I biologically involved in this at all ? She's like , technically , no , you would just be carrying the baby . And I'm like I don't really like that option at all , like I hope not to get to that and it'll get to that if you're adamant about having a child but you don't have any eggs . So I'm like , okay , um , she broke down that IVS probably will cost around 20k all in . Egg donation would be about 30k all in the other thing with egg donation , I'm like , well , would the child even look like me ? I mean , alani doesn't even look like me . Now she's like , well , we'll try to find like a woman that looks like you , kind of . And , um , work it that way . And I'm like , okay , yeah , that was an option that I really didn't like and didn't want . So she said , if you ever get pregnant , you have to take lovinox shots , uh , which basically is to like thin your blood and you'll go from there .
Speaker 1So that was another heartbreaking I won't lie appointment , because it felt like at one point I know that people do IVF , but I also know that a lot of times people say that it fails . And so in the moment I'm like , do I even want to do this ? Right , since I was there , she said , well , let me do another sonogram to see if this egg had dropped . That hadn't the last time , because remember I didn't get my cycle . And she said , oh well , um , it looks like the egg dropped , so hope you've been having sex so in the next two weeks you either have , uh , your period or you will be pregnant . So that was on November 7th , the car ride home .
Speaker 1It really was a discussion about do we want to do this one ? Emotionally , I'm like the way these emotions have dragged me for the past five months . I don't know that I want to put myself through IVF and it not being a guarantee which it is not a guarantee , which I guess anything in life is not , even with having your child naturally is not , which I guess anything in life is not , even with having your child naturally is not . But I'm like that , the financial side of it , the emotional side of it , my body going through that do we want to do that ? Are we happy with just one kid was kind of the discussion and it's like , well , we need to make a decision ASAP , but something so important like that , it's like it's not a one time conversation .
Speaker 1I can't just tell you right now . We either of us me or Tony like yeah , no , I don't . I just don't want this , I don't want another kid . I don't know right now . This is a lot , we have to process it . But at the same time I'm like we don't really have time to process this , like we , based on what she's telling me , like we need to do this , like asap . Because in my thought , in my mind , I was like , okay , this appointment was November 7th . Maybe in the next two , three months , like maybe March or something , march of 2024 I can start to this process . And she was like , no , we can't wait that long , like we would need to start , like now .
Speaker 1So it became that question just between us of do you want to do this , do you not ? You know what ? What do you think ? And we didn't have an answer . I'm going to be frank with you . We didn't have an answer . Of course we level on and we're like maybe it's just meant for us to have one child , maybe we shouldn't go through this , but we never really came up with an answer either this , but we never really came up with an answer either .
Speaker 1So another reason why I really considered or I think I thought more about having more than one child was because I was the only child , but I grew up with a lot of cousins around and it never felt lonely . I've never wanted a sibling , I think mainly because I had , you know , family around . But us living in Dallas , we don't necessarily have that . Yes , we have friends that have kids around the same age , definitely , but just the amount of cousins that I've had , the amount of different things and activities , amount of different aunts and uncles that I was around and different things like that just didn't make me want for that . So , with her being kind of a bit secluded down here , that was a thought for us as well , like having a sibling probably would would be helpful , um , for her as well . So things that we were considering .
Speaker 1So , as mentioned , this disappointment was November 7th , not a good day , I would say . November 16th . The doctor called and said you know , we'll just have you start on a low dose of aspirin in case you get pregnant . I don't really remember the reason for the low dose of aspirin , but every time I tell like a nurse , they understand . So I don't remember the reason for starting it , but I think it just helps with you remaining pregnant . Uh , that was November 16th and November 23rd Thanksgiving day I found out that I was pregnant . So , from November 7th of the doctor saying you got to make a decision , like of what you want to do , to November 23rd what was that ? Two , two weeks , two and a half weeks apart . Things changed Right , but I ended now and I'll continue to talk more about what this means or what happens now I ended last year saying to Tony that I need a therapist ASAP .
Speaker 1Now I am a therapist myself , but I have never felt in my adult , or even never in my life , felt like I need to see someone . Now I'm not against it . I feel like everyone can benefit from it , but the way that I was , so , if you will , I feel emotionally unhinged . Um , last year I felt like I need to go speak to someone . I need . It's not fear to . Of course I can talk to my husband , but it's not fear to just pour all of those emotions and feelings onto him at all times , because it was coming up so frequently for me . And if he's not feeling that way , that's okay and I don't need to . I don't want to always just push that on him Like I need to go speak to someone about what I am going through . Right , that was my biggest thing and to me that was alarming because , like I said , I've just never felt that way . So if I'm feeling this way , then it needs to happen
Navigating a High-Risk Pregnancy
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1You may ask well , did you see one ? At this point I have not , which I still plan to , and I still feel like I should , because that it was just a traumatic . It just felt traumatic . It just felt traumatic . It felt draining and hard to even stay in that space , just because you have all these other responsibilities , primarily our daughter that will come in and want to speak , hug , smile , and you have to be there , be there for them .
Speaker 1So the other question you may have is so , what is the diagnosis ? What , what ? What did they say ? Like what is your ? Uh , right now my doctor is calling it an APLAS pregnancy and that's A-P-L-A-S is the acronym pregnancy . Even when I told my PCP , she was like writing it down , I don't think she really understood it either , and essentially it's like I have antibodies that seem to affect pregnancy . So once again I asked my doctors okay , what does this mean ? Does it mean I have this diagnosis for life ?
Speaker 1Does it impact me outside of pregnancy ? Like what , what do you ? What does this mean ? And he's like , no , I won't say the impacts you outside of pregnancy , but if things were to come up in the future , it was kind of the same thing of what the endocrinologist told me . You kind of have an inkling or somewhere to start for someone that you may be seeing , a PCP or anyone that you may be seeing . So it's not a , it is a medical term . It is a medical term . I won't say it's not , but it's not necessarily that I will be something that I'll be treated for If that makes sense . If it doesn't , I'm still kind of figuring things out too , cause I'm like that doesn't make any sense . But right now it's basically I'm being treated for it during pregnancy and that's it . So , knock on wood , right now I have a bill of health . Right now I am not . There's no concerns , and so what now ? Just to kind of like wrap , wrap this up , I am six months plus pregnant , thankfully . Uh , we've announced this already .
Speaker 1If you didn't know , since I was 20 weeks when I went to do the anatomy scan , I've been seeing specialty doctor . If you will a more , I don't know . They said it was a more intense sonogram because I am geriatric . You know it's a geriatric pregnancy . I'm not at a high risk pregnancy , so everything is treading how it should be treading . They're not concerned about anything . My last pregnancy was knocking with a smooth ride . This one has been the same . Outside of how it started . This one has been the same I have been taking .
Speaker 1I don't know if you remember the doctor fraternity doctor said I'm going to have to take lovonaut shots if I was to get pregnant and my understanding of that was I will take those shots maybe , for I don't know , I thought maybe like two weeks or something to help with the pregnancy . That was incorrect . I have to take shots every single night . So from December 1st of 2023 until I am 37 weeks pregnant , I do take a lovonaut shot to my stomach , which it is a blood thinner and , once again , my understanding it helps with helping me not to have a pregnancy loss . So you're going to ask the same question I asked my doctor .
Speaker 1So if you're not on these , if you're not taking these shots , does that mean that you would lose the baby ? And no , the doctor specifically said I'm going to be frank with you , we don't know that . He's like if you stop taking these shots or didn't take this , do I think that you wouldn't make it through ? And he is like no , I think you possibly would be fine , but there's a side of it that we know that these shots do help with people to remain pregnant . So we're just going to have you do it and I was okay with that . We both me and Anthony was okay with that . It's a chance of you know , taking these shots and hopefully carrying the whole way .
Speaker 1So I have to take these shots until 37 weeks and then I won't take them anymore . So when I say a shot , it is a needle to my stomach every single night and then I won't take them anymore . So when I say a shot , it is a needle to my stomach every single night . So even though things have turned out how I would want in regards to getting pregnant , there's still an emotional and , I guess , a medical side of it that continues throughout this process . Now I don't know that if I was to ever get pregnant again , if I have to take these shots again , I have no idea , have not thought that far . It was just more along the lines of let's deal with what we have now and we can make a decision from there , right ? So that isn't always easy . That has been a journey for about , I want to say , two , three months . Anthony did it for me every single night and then I kind of went on vacation by myself . So I had to learn to do it by myself and I have been .
Speaker 1Generally it does not hurt . Sometimes it does , um , I have a lot of bruises , like by my stomach , which the doctor said , yeah , that's going to be normal . You're pricking yourself every night , um , but I'm willing to do it to keep my baby alive and healthy . So it kind of is what it is as I continue this journey of continuing to be pregnant . Of course , every appointment feels anxiety provoking . There's negative thoughts , there is tears , there's holding my breath . You know the appointment of okay , we're going to test to make sure . I think this is that 12 week where they do blood work for chromosomes and you hope everything is okay . Then there's a 20 week anatomy scan and then there's the what else do they do ? The gestational diabetes . So every appointment which I don't feel like I felt this way with , with Alani , has really been difficult , like night before tearful night before trying to talk positive . In my life I've never felt like I've had such negative thoughts that I can't turn it off and I had to like find positive affirmations for pregnant women that that experience losses , like I had to go and find that and read that to myself , because I do believe your negative thoughts can become reality , which you think can become true . So I try to really block myself from continuing to spiral down that path . So at this point I am , you know , truly thankful for technology . I am thankful for medicine to allow me to be here . If it's the aspirin and the lovinox shots that's allowing me to carry along , so be it . At this time things have been going well , baby is healthy , mommy is healthy , and so hopefully it continues on in that path .
Speaker 1I think about you know , I had an old Not old , sorry , an older co-worker say to me when she found out I was pregnant . She was like , you know , congratulations . I was never able to experience that . So you're really lucky , congratulations . And I said to myself I'm like in my head , I'm like , if you only knew what it took for me to get here . But I'm like , she's right , she is right , I am really lucky that I made it to this side . Was it easy ? No , and I know that . You know they say he gives things to like his strongest soldiers and stuff like that . And I'm like I don't want to be a strong soldier anymore , god . I don't want to be a testament , I don't want to continue to have these struggles . But when I think about it realistically , she was correct . In that I am lucky it's not ideal of how I would have ever experienced this in my life , how I would have ever thought this would happen in my life , but it has been .
Speaker 1I am happy with being pregnant , right , and something that has crossed my mind , I think the first time that I had a miscarriage , and definitely this last year , as we were going through through it all , I said to myself which is not , I don't think , a positive thing . You know , I've lived a really pretty good life . You know , even younger , lived a really pretty good life . You know , even younger , even though my mother was a single mother , I never felt like I needed or wanted . I felt like I had everything I needed and wanted in life . And when this happened , I'm like oh well , you know you can't go through life with positive things , like something negative has to happen . So I felt like it was bound for you to experience something negative in your life and this is why this is happening Now . I don't think that's a healthy way to think , but you try to rationalize why you're going through what you're going through , and that was the way that I was . I was just saying like okay , well , this is the negative thing . Like everybody has negative things . You have to be able to deal with it . You're like you're going to have to make it through . You've got to remain strong . So do I still feel that way Sometimes . I'll be honest that that thought does cross my mind of not necessarily that I deserve it I don't want to say that but that something like I said , something negative , was bound to happen . I know that was a mouthful and let me drink some water actually Now I'm really thirsty . That was a mouthful , but
Sharing Personal Struggles With Infertility
Speaker 1I did like .
Speaker 1I started this conversation , wanted to use this opportunity to share what 2023 was like . Share what you never know what people are going through . Educate people on other things . If there's , I guess , additional questions that some people may have , you can write it in the comments and I will answer as I feel equipped to answer , or maybe emotionally , emotionally feel to answer . If it's something that I find that may be too triggering , then maybe I won't , but I am at a place now that I am able to talk about it when before , if I even started this conversation , my voice would have been breaking and being tearful . I even bought a box of tissue just in case I became tearful during this podcast , so I hope that you got something from me .
Speaker 1I know this is different from the usual podcast that we put out , where it's about business and entrepreneurship , but we also talk about more than a side hustle podcast having impact , and this impacted our life tremendously . You may feel like you know you've never been through it , but I'm sure someone around you have been through something , has been through something with infertility or just struggles with pregnancy . So keep that in mind when you're asking what are you waiting for to get pregnant ? What are you waiting for the second child , the third child ? Just think about what could be possibly . So that's it for me . I thank you guys for listening and tapping in . I am proud of myself for being able to kind of say this story and , obviously , to my friends and family , I love you dearly and , as I said from the beginning , it just has been very , very difficult to talk about it , but I did want you guys to just know how I've been feeling . So thank you to our listeners , thank you to everyone else and I am out .