I'm sharing my personal experience with fertility challenges this week. It's tough, with intense choices like IVF, IUI, and egg donation. I'll talk about low egg counts, quick decision-making, and the big money needed for treatments. I'll also discuss the emotional journey of expanding a family and how a doctor's visit changed my life. Pregnancy after fertility issues isn't always happy—it's a mix of joy and struggle. I'll talk about dealing with comments and past miscarriages, and how I find comfort and support. Thank you to our listeners for being part of this journey. Your support makes a big difference in our community.
I'm sharing my personal experience with fertility challenges this week. It's tough, with intense choices like IVF, IUI, and egg donation. I'll talk about low egg counts, quick decision-making, and the big money needed for treatments. I'll also discuss the emotional journey of expanding a family and how a doctor's visit changed my life. Pregnancy after fertility issues isn't always happy—it's a mix of joy and struggle. I'll talk about dealing with comments and past miscarriages, and how I find comfort and support. Thank you to our listeners for being part of this journey. Your support makes a big difference in our community.
Podcast Sponsor: If you are interested in a spot shoot us an email at info@thehartrimony.com
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 1:
So some things are going well and some things are feeling like this is not. I don't think this is going to happen right. So at the end of it, she's like these are really our options. This is where we are. Our options are IVF, iui or egg donation. She wasn't a fan of IUI IVF. She was like you can do it. This is where I don't know if you guys know, but ivf is not necessarily a guarantee either, but it's just what they'll do. She was like my thought is that, since because due to you having such low eggs, we should if you want to have kids, we need we should take those eggs out and kind of fertilize it. We can't wait any longer to see if you do it naturally, basically. So I was like well, how quickly do you think I'd have to do this? She was like I would start you like next few weeks, month. I'm like oh okay.
Speaker 1:
She spoke about egg donation, which I wasn't really clear on that. I can. I'm going to be frank with you. I'm like well, what does that really mean? She's like essentially, we take an egg from another woman and put it inside you and your husband. It's like that egg in your husband's DNA. I was like, so am I biologically involved in this at all? She's like, technically, no, you would just be carrying the baby. And I'm like I don't really like that option at all. Like I hope not to get to that and it'll get to that if you're adamant about having a child but you don't have any eggs. So I'm like, okay, she broke down that IVS probably will cost around 20K all in. Egg donation would be about 30K, all in the other thing with egg donation, I'm like, well, would the child even look like me? I mean, alani doesn't even look like me. Now she was like, well, we'll try to find like a woman that looks like you kind of, and work it way. And I'm like, okay, yeah, that was an option that I really didn't like and didn't want. So she said if you ever get pregnant, you have to take lovinox shots, basically to like thin your blood, and you'll go from there. So that was another heartbreaking I won't lie appointment, because it felt like at one point I know that people do IVF, but I also know that a lot of times people say that it fails, and so in the moment I'm like, do I even want to do this? Right, since I was there. She said well, let me do another sonogram to see if this egg had dropped. That hadn't the last time, cause remember I didn't get my cycle. And she said oh well, um, it looks like the egg dropped, so hope you've been having sex. So in the next two weeks you either have, uh, your period or you will be pregnant. So that was on November 7th, the car ride home.
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It really was a discussion about do we want to do this one? Emotionally, I'm like the way these emotions have dragged me for the past five months. I don't know that I want to put myself through IVF and it not being a guarantee, which it is not a guarantee, which I guess anything in life is not, even with having your child. Naturally it's not, but I'm like that, the financial side of it, the emotional side of it, my body going through that do we want to do that? Are we happy with? Just one kid was kind of the discussion and it's like, well, we need to make a decision ASAP, but something so important like that, it's like it's not a one-time conversation. I can't just tell you right now. We either of us me or Tony like yeah, yeah, no, I don't. I just don't want this. I don't want another kid, I don't know right now. This is a lot. We have to process it. But at the same time, I'm like we don't really have time to process this. Like we, based on what she's telling me, like we need to do this, like ASAP Cause, in my thought, in my mind, I was like okay, this appointment was November 7th.
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Maybe in the next two, three months like maybe March or something, march of 2024, I can start this process. And she was like no, we can't wait that long. Like we would need to start like now. So it became that question just between us of do you want to do this, do you not? You know what? What do you think? And we didn't have an answer. I'm going to be frank with you. We didn't have an answer.
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Of course, we level on and we're like maybe it's just meant for us to have one child, maybe we shouldn't go through this, but we never really came up with an answer either. So another reason why I've really considered, or I think I thought, more about having more than one child was because I was the only child, but I grew up with a lot of cousins around and it never felt lonely. I've never wanted a sibling, I think mainly because I had, you know, family around. But us living in Dallas we don't necessarily have that. Yes, we have friends that have kids around the same age definitely, but just the amount of cousins that I've had, the amount of different things and activities, the amount of different aunts and uncles that I was around and different things like that just didn't make me want for that. So, with her being kind of a bit secluded down here, that was a thought for us as well, like having a sibling probably would be helpful for her as well. So things that we were considering.
Speaker 1:
So, as mentioned, this appointment was November 7th Not a good day, I would say. November 16th the doctor called and said you know, we'll just have you start on a low dose of aspirin in case you get pregnant. I don't really remember the reason for the low dose of aspirin, but every time I tell like a nurse, they understand. So I don't remember the reason for starting it, but every time I tell like a nurse, they understand. So I don't remember the reason for starting it, but I think it just helps with you remaining pregnant. Uh, that was November 16th and November 23rd, thanksgiving day, I found out that I was pregnant. So from November 7th of the doctor saying you got to make a decision like of what you want to do, to November 23rd, what was that? Two weeks, two and a half weeks apart, things changed right. But I ended and I'll continue to talk more about what this means or what happens now.
Speaker 1:
I ended last year saying to Tony that I need a therapist ASAP. Now I am a therapist myself, but I have never felt in my adult, or even child, never in my life felt like I need to see someone. Now, I'm not against it. I feel like everyone can benefit from it, but the way that I was. So, if you will, I feel emotionally unhinged. Um, last year I felt like I need to go speak to someone. I need. It's not fear to. Of course I can talk to my husband, but it's not fear to just pour all of those emotions and feelings onto him at all times because it was coming up so frequently for me. And if he's not feeling that way, that's okay and I don't need to. I don't want to always just push that on him Like I need to go speak to someone about what I am going through. Right, that was, that was my biggest thing and to me that was alarming because, like I said, I've just never felt that way. So if I'm feeling this way, then it needs to happen.
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You may ask well, did you see one? At this point I have not, which I still plan to and I still feel like I should, because that it was just a traumatic. It just felt traumatic. It just felt traumatic, it felt draining and hard to even stay in that space, just because you have all these other responsibilities, primarily our daughter that will come in and want to speak, hug, smile, and you have to be there, be there for them.
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So the other question you may have is so, what is the diagnosis? What, what, what did they say? Like, what is your? Uh, right now my doctor is calling it an APLAS pregnancy and that's A-P-L-A-S is the acronym pregnancy. Even when I told my PCP, she was like writing it down I don't think she really understood it either, and essentially it's like I have antibodies that seem to affect pregnancy. So once again, I asked my doctors okay, what does this mean? Does this mean I have this diagnosis for life? Does it impact me outside of pregnancy? Like, what, what do you? What does this mean? And he's like, no, I won't say it impacts you outside of pregnancy, but if things were to come up in the future, it was kind of the same thing of what the endocrinologist told me. You kind of have an inkling or somewhere to start for someone that you may be seeing, a PCP or anyone that you may be seeing. So it's not a, it is a medical term. It is a medical term. I won't say it's not, but it's not necessarily that I would. Something that I'll be treated for if that makes sense. If it doesn't, I'm still kind of figuring things out too, because I'm like that doesn't make any sense. But right now it's basically I'm being treated for it during pregnancy and that's it. So knock on wood, right now I have a bill of health, right now I am not, there's no concerns, and so what now? Just to kind of like wrap wrap this up, I am six months plus pregnant, thankfully. Uh, we've announced this already.
Speaker 1:
If you didn't know, since I was 20 weeks when I went to do the anatomy scan, I've been seeing specialty doctor. If you will a more, I don't know. They said it was a more intense sonogram because I am geriatric. You know it's a geriatric pregnancy. I'm not at a high risk pregnancy. So everything is treading how it should be treading. They're not concerned about anything. My last pregnancy was knocking with a smooth ride.
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This one has been the same outside of how it started. This one has been the same I have been taking I don't know if you remember the doctor fraternity doctor said I'm gonna have to take lovonaut shots if I was to get pregnant and my understanding of that was I will take those shots maybe, for I don't know, I thought maybe like two weeks or something to help with the pregnancy. That was incorrect. I have to take shots every single night. So from December 1st of 2023 until I am 37 weeks pregnant, I do take a lovonaut shot to my stomach, which it is a blood thinner and, once again, my understanding it helps with helping me not to have a pregnancy loss.
Speaker 1:
So you're going to ask the same question I asked my doctor so if you're not on these, if you're not taking these shots, does that mean that you would lose the baby? And no, the doctor specifically said I'm going to be frank with you, we don't know that. He's like if you stop taking these shots or didn't take this, do I think that you wouldn't make it through and he is like no, I think you possibly would be fine, but there's a side of it that we know that these shots do help with people to remain pregnant. So we're just going to have you do it and I was okay with that. We both, me and Anthony, was okay with that. It's a chance of, you know, taking these shots and hopefully carrying the whole way. So I have to take these shots until 37 weeks and then I won't take them anymore.
Speaker 1:
So when I say a shot, it is a needle to my stomach every single night. So even though things have turned out how I would want in regards to getting pregnant, turned out how I would want in regards to getting pregnant, there's still an emotional and, I guess, a medical side of it that continues throughout this process. Now I don't know that if I was to ever get pregnant again, if I have to take these shots again, I have no idea. I have not thought that far. It was just more along the lines of let's deal with what we have now and we can make a decision from there. Right, so that isn't always easy. That has been a journey for about, I want to say, two, three months. Anthony did it for me every single night and then I kind of went on vacation by myself. So I had to learn to do it by myself and I have been. Generally it does not hurt. Sometimes it does. Um, I have a lot of bruises, like by my stomach, which the doctor said yeah, that's going to be normal. You're pricking yourself every night, but I'm willing to do it to keep my baby alive and healthy. So it kind of is what it is as I continue this journey of continuing to be pregnant.
Speaker 1:
Of course, every appointment feels anxiety provoking. There is negative thoughts, there is tears, there's holding my breath. You know the appointment of OK, we're going to test to make sure. I think this is that 12 week where they do blood work for chromosomes and you hope everything is OK. And there's a 20 week anatomy scan. And then there's the what else do they do? The gestational diabetes week anatomy scan. And then there's the what else do they do the gestational diabetes?
Speaker 1:
So every appointment, uh, which I don't feel like I felt this way with with alani has really been difficult, like night before, tearful night before, trying to talk positive. In my life I've never felt like I've had such negative thoughts that I can't turn it off and I had to like find positive affirmations for pregnant women, that that experienced losses, like. I had to go and find that and read that to myself, because I do believe your negative thoughts can become reality, which you think tends to can become true. So I tried to really block myself from continuing to spiral down that path. So at this point I am, you know, truly thankful for technology. I am thankful for medicine to allow me to be here. If it's the aspirin and the lovinox shots that's allowing me to carry along, so be it. At this time things have been going well, baby is healthy, mommy is healthy, and so hopefully it continues on in that path.
Speaker 1:
I think about you know, I had an old co not old, sorry, older co workers say to me when she found out I was pregnant. She's like you know, congratulations. I was never able to experience that. So you're really lucky, congratulations. And I said to myself I'm like in my head, I'm like if you only knew what it took for me to get here, but'm like she's right, she is right, I am really lucky that I made it to this side. Was it easy? No, and I know that. You know they say he gives things to like his strongest soldiers and stuff like that, and I'm like I don't want to be a strong soldier anymore. God, I don't want to be a testament, I don't want to continue to have these struggles, but when I think about it realistically, she was correct in that I am lucky. It's not ideal of how I would have ever experienced this in my life, how I would have ever thought this would happen in my life, but it has been. I am happy with being pregnant, right, and something that has crossed my mind. I think.
Speaker 1:
The first time that I had a miscarriage, and definitely this last year, as we were going through through it, all I said to myself, which is not, I don't think, a positive thing. You know, I've lived a really pretty good life. You know, even younger, even though my mother was a single mother, I never felt like I needed or wanted. I felt like I had everything I needed and wanted in life. And when this happened, I'm like, oh well, you know you can't go through life with positive things, like something negative has to happen. So I felt like it was bound for you to experience something negative in your life and this is why this is happening Now. I don't think that's a healthy way to think, but you try to rationalize why you're going through what you're going through, and that was the way that I was. I was just saying like, okay, well, this is the negative thing. Like everybody has negative things. You have to be able to deal with it. You're like you're gonna, you have to make it through. You gotta remain strong, so do I still feel that way sometimes. I'll be honest that that thought does cross my mind of not necessarily that I deserve it I don't want to say that but that something like I said, something negative, was bound to happen. I know that was a mouthful and let me drink some water. Actually now I'm really thirsty. That was a mouthful, but I did like.
Speaker 1:
I started this conversation, wanted to use this opportunity to share what 2023 was like, share what you never know, what people are going through, educate people on other things, comments, and I will answer as I feel equipped to answer, or maybe emotionally, emotionally feel to answer. If it's something that I find that may be too triggering, then maybe I won't, but I am at a place now that I am able to talk about it when before, if I even started this conversation, my voice would have been breaking and being tearful. I even bought um box of tissue just in case I became tearful during this podcast. So I hope that you got something from me.
Speaker 1:
I know this is different from the usual podcast that we put out, where it's about business and entrepreneurship, but we also talk about more than a side hustle podcast having impact, and this impacted our life tremendously. You may feel like you know you've never been through it, but I'm sure someone around you have been through something, has been through something with infertility or just struggles with pregnancy. So keep that in mind when you're asking what are you waiting for to get pregnant? What are you waiting for? The second child, the third child? Just think about what could be possibly. So that's it for me.
Speaker 1:
I thank you guys for listening and tapping in. I am proud of myself for being able to kind of say this story and obviously, to my friends and family, I love you dearly and, as I said from the beginning, it just has been very, very difficult to talk about it, but I did want you guys to just know how I've been feeling. So thank you to our listeners, thank you to everyone else and I am out. Thank you for tapping in with us again. As you know, we always ask, if you guys can, please, please, go ahead and leave us five star review. Go ahead and write something. If you're enjoying what we speak about, if you listen to us week to week, please be sure to let us know that helps us to continue to grow and for other people to listen to our show as well. We appreciate it.
