More Than A Side Hustle
More Than A Side Hustle
I Walk You Through Fertility Treatments
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I'm sharing my personal experience with fertility challenges this week. It's tough, with intense choices like IVF, IUI, and egg donation. I'll talk about low egg counts, quick decision-making, and the big money needed for treatments. I'll also discuss the emotional journey of expanding a family and how a doctor's visit changed my life. Pregnancy after fertility issues isn't always happy—it's a mix of joy and struggle. I'll talk about dealing with comments and past miscarriages, and how I find comfort and support. Thank you to our listeners for being part of this journey. Your support makes a big difference in our community.
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Navigating Fertility Options and Emotional Struggles
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 1So some things are going well and some things are feeling like this is not . I don't think this is going to happen right . So at the end of it , she's like these are really our options . This is where we are . Our options are IVF , iui or egg donation . She wasn't a fan of IUI IVF . She was like you can do it . This is where I don't know if you guys know , but ivf is not necessarily a guarantee either , but it's just what they'll do . She was like my thought is that , since because due to you having such low eggs , we should if you want to have kids , we need we should take those eggs out and kind of fertilize it . We can't wait any longer to see if you do it naturally , basically . So I was like well , how quickly do you think I'd have to do this ? She was like I would start you like next few weeks , month . I'm like oh okay .
Speaker 1She spoke about egg donation , which I wasn't really clear on that . I can . I'm going to be frank with you . I'm like well , what does that really mean ? She's like essentially , we take an egg from another woman and put it inside you and your husband . It's like that egg in your husband's DNA . I was like , so am I biologically involved in this at all ? She's like , technically , no , you would just be carrying the baby . And I'm like I don't really like that option at all . Like I hope not to get to that and it'll get to that if you're adamant about having a child but you don't have any eggs . So I'm like , okay , she broke down that IVS probably will cost around 20K all in . Egg donation would be about 30K , all in the other thing with egg donation , I'm like , well , would the child even look like me ? I mean , alani doesn't even look like me . Now she was like , well , we'll try to find like a woman that looks like you kind of , and work it way . And I'm like , okay , yeah , that was an option that I really didn't like and didn't want . So she said if you ever get pregnant , you have to take lovinox shots , basically to like thin your blood , and you'll go from there . So that was another heartbreaking I won't lie appointment , because it felt like at one point I know that people do IVF , but I also know that a lot of times people say that it fails , and so in the moment I'm like , do I even want to do this ? Right , since I was there . She said well , let me do another sonogram to see if this egg had dropped . That hadn't the last time , cause remember I didn't get my cycle . And she said oh well , um , it looks like the egg dropped , so hope you've been having sex . So in the next two weeks you either have , uh , your period or you will be pregnant . So that was on November 7th , the car ride home .
Speaker 1It really was a discussion about do we want to do this one ? Emotionally , I'm like the way these emotions have dragged me for the past five months . I don't know that I want to put myself through IVF and it not being a guarantee , which it is not a guarantee , which I guess anything in life is not , even with having your child . Naturally it's not , but I'm like that , the financial side of it , the emotional side of it , my body going through that do we want to do that ? Are we happy with ? Just one kid was kind of the discussion and it's like , well , we need to make a decision ASAP , but something so important like that , it's like it's not a one-time conversation . I can't just tell you right now . We either of us me or Tony like yeah , yeah , no , I don't . I just don't want this . I don't want another kid , I don't know right now . This is a lot . We have to process it . But at the same time , I'm like we don't really have time to process this . Like we , based on what she's telling me , like we need to do this , like ASAP Cause , in my thought , in my mind , I was like okay , this appointment was November 7th .
Speaker 1Maybe in the next two , three months like maybe March or something , march of 2024 , I can start this process . And she was like no , we can't wait that long . Like we would need to start like now . So it became that question just between us of do you want to do this , do you not ? You know what ? What do you think ? And we didn't have an answer . I'm going to be frank with you . We didn't have an answer .
Speaker 1Of course , we level on and we're like maybe it's just meant for us to have one child , maybe we shouldn't go through this , but we never really came up with an answer either . So another reason why I've really considered , or I think I thought , more about having more than one child was because I was the only child , but I grew up with a lot of cousins around and it never felt lonely . I've never wanted a sibling , I think mainly because I had , you know , family around . But us living in Dallas we don't necessarily have that . Yes , we have friends that have kids around the same age definitely , but just the amount of cousins that I've had , the amount of different things and activities , the amount of different aunts and uncles that I was around and different things like that just didn't make me want for that . So , with her being kind of a bit secluded down here , that was a thought for us as well , like having a sibling probably would be helpful for her as well . So things that we were considering .
Speaker 1So , as mentioned , this appointment was November 7th Not a good day , I would say . November 16th the doctor called and said you know , we'll just have you start on a low dose of aspirin in case you get pregnant . I don't really remember the reason for the low dose of aspirin , but every time I tell like a nurse , they understand . So I don't remember the reason for starting it , but every time I tell like a nurse , they understand . So I don't remember the reason for starting it , but I think it just helps with you remaining pregnant . Uh , that was November 16th and November 23rd , thanksgiving day , I found out that I was pregnant . So from November 7th of the doctor saying you got to make a decision like of what you want to do , to November 23rd , what was that ? Two weeks , two and a half weeks apart , things changed right . But I ended and I'll continue to talk more about what this means or what happens now .
Speaker 1I ended last year saying to Tony that I need a therapist ASAP . Now I am a therapist myself , but I have never felt in my adult , or even child , never in my life felt like I need to see someone . Now , I'm not against it . I feel like everyone can benefit from it , but the way that I was . So , if you will , I feel emotionally unhinged . Um , last year I felt like I need to go speak to someone . I need . It's not fear to . Of course I can talk to my husband , but it's not fear to just pour all of those emotions and feelings onto him at all times because it was coming up so frequently for me . And if he's not feeling that way , that's okay and I don't need to . I don't want to always just push that on him Like I need to go speak to someone about what I am going through . Right , that was , that was my biggest thing and to me that was alarming because , like I said , I've just never felt that way . So if I'm feeling this way , then it needs to happen .
Speaker 1You may ask well , did you see one ? At this point I have not , which I still plan to and I still feel like I should , because that it was just a traumatic . It just felt traumatic . It just felt traumatic , it felt draining and hard to even stay in that space , just because you have all these other responsibilities , primarily our daughter that will come in and want to speak , hug , smile , and you have to be there , be there for them .
Speaker 1So the other question you may have is so , what is the diagnosis ? What , what , what did they say ? Like , what is your ? Uh , right now my doctor is calling it an APLAS pregnancy and that's A-P-L-A-S is the acronym pregnancy . Even when I told my PCP , she was like writing it down I don't think she really understood it either , and essentially it's like I have antibodies that seem to affect pregnancy . So once again , I asked my doctors okay , what does this mean ? Does this mean I have this diagnosis for life ? Does it impact me outside of pregnancy ? Like , what , what do you ? What does this mean ? And he's like , no , I won't say it impacts you outside of pregnancy , but if things were to come up in the future , it was kind of the same thing of what the endocrinologist told me . You kind of have an inkling or somewhere to start for someone that you may be seeing , a PCP or anyone that you may be seeing . So it's not a , it is a medical term . It is a medical term . I won't say it's not , but it's not necessarily that I would . Something that I'll be treated for if that makes sense . If it doesn't , I'm still kind of figuring things out too , because I'm like that doesn't make any sense . But right now it's basically I'm being treated for it during pregnancy and that's it . So knock on wood , right now I have a bill of health , right now I am not , there's no concerns , and so what now ? Just to kind of like wrap wrap this up , I am six months plus pregnant , thankfully . Uh , we've announced this already .
Speaker 1If you didn't know , since I was 20 weeks when I went to do the anatomy scan , I've been seeing specialty doctor . If you will a more , I don't know . They said it was a more intense sonogram because I am geriatric . You know it's a geriatric pregnancy . I'm not at a high risk pregnancy . So everything is treading how it should be treading . They're not concerned about anything . My last pregnancy was knocking with a smooth ride .
Speaker 1This one has been the same outside of how it started . This one has been the same I have been taking I don't know if you remember the doctor fraternity doctor said I'm gonna have to take lovonaut shots if I was to get pregnant and my understanding of that was I will take those shots maybe , for I don't know , I thought maybe like two weeks or something to help with the pregnancy . That was incorrect . I have to take shots every single night . So from December 1st of 2023 until I am 37 weeks pregnant , I do take a lovonaut shot to my stomach , which it is a blood thinner and , once again , my understanding it helps with helping me not to have a pregnancy loss .
Speaker 1So you're going to ask the same question I asked my doctor so if you're not on these , if you're not taking these shots , does that mean that you would lose the baby ? And no , the doctor specifically said I'm going to be frank with you , we don't know that . He's like if you stop taking these shots or didn't take this , do I think that you wouldn't make it through and he is like no , I think you possibly would be fine , but there's a side of it that we know that these shots do help with people to remain pregnant . So we're just going to have you do it and I was okay with that . We both , me and Anthony , was okay with that . It's a chance of , you know , taking these shots and hopefully carrying the whole way . So I have to take these shots until 37 weeks and then I won't take them anymore .
Speaker 1So when I say a shot , it is a needle to my stomach every single night . So even though things have turned out how I would want in regards to getting pregnant , turned out how I would want in regards to getting pregnant , there's still an emotional and , I guess , a medical side of it that continues throughout this process . Now I don't know that if I was to ever get pregnant again , if I have to take these shots again , I have no idea . I have not thought that far . It was just more along the lines of let's deal with what we have now and we can make a decision from there . Right , so that isn't always easy . That has been a journey for about , I want to say , two , three months . Anthony did it for me every single night and then I kind of went on vacation by myself . So I had to learn to do it by myself and I have been . Generally it does not hurt . Sometimes it does . Um , I have a lot of bruises , like by my stomach , which the doctor said yeah , that's going to be normal . You're pricking yourself every night , but I'm willing to do it to keep my baby alive and healthy . So it kind of is what it is as I continue this journey of continuing to be pregnant .
Speaker 1Of course , every appointment feels anxiety provoking . There is negative thoughts , there is tears , there's holding my breath . You know the appointment of OK , we're going to test to make sure . I think this is that 12 week where they do blood work for chromosomes and you hope everything is OK . And there's a 20 week anatomy scan . And then there's the what else do they do ? The gestational diabetes week anatomy scan . And then there's the what else do they do the gestational diabetes ?
Speaker 1So every appointment , uh , which I don't feel like I felt this way with with alani has really been difficult , like night before , tearful night before , trying to talk positive . In my life I've never felt like I've had such negative thoughts that I can't turn it off and I had to like find positive affirmations for pregnant women , that that experienced losses , like . I had to go and find that and read that to myself , because I do believe your negative thoughts can become reality , which you think tends to can become true . So I tried to really block myself from continuing to spiral down that path . So at this point I am , you know , truly thankful for technology . I am thankful for medicine to allow me to be here . If it's the aspirin and the lovinox shots that's allowing me to carry along , so be it . At this time things have been going well , baby is healthy , mommy is healthy , and so hopefully it continues on in that
Navigating Pregnancy Struggles With Gratitude
Speaker 1path .
Speaker 1I think about you know , I had an old co not old , sorry , older co workers say to me when she found out I was pregnant . She's like you know , congratulations . I was never able to experience that . So you're really lucky , congratulations . And I said to myself I'm like in my head , I'm like if you only knew what it took for me to get here , but'm like she's right , she is right , I am really lucky that I made it to this side . Was it easy ? No , and I know that . You know they say he gives things to like his strongest soldiers and stuff like that , and I'm like I don't want to be a strong soldier anymore . God , I don't want to be a testament , I don't want to continue to have these struggles , but when I think about it realistically , she was correct in that I am lucky . It's not ideal of how I would have ever experienced this in my life , how I would have ever thought this would happen in my life , but it has been . I am happy with being pregnant , right , and something that has crossed my mind . I think .
Speaker 1The first time that I had a miscarriage , and definitely this last year , as we were going through through it , all I said to myself , which is not , I don't think , a positive thing . You know , I've lived a really pretty good life . You know , even younger , even though my mother was a single mother , I never felt like I needed or wanted . I felt like I had everything I needed and wanted in life . And when this happened , I'm like , oh well , you know you can't go through life with positive things , like something negative has to happen . So I felt like it was bound for you to experience something negative in your life and this is why this is happening Now . I don't think that's a healthy way to think , but you try to rationalize why you're going through what you're going through , and that was the way that I was . I was just saying like , okay , well , this is the negative thing . Like everybody has negative things . You have to be able to deal with it . You're like you're gonna , you have to make it through . You gotta remain strong , so do I still feel that way sometimes . I'll be honest that that thought does cross my mind of not necessarily that I deserve it I don't want to say that but that something like I said , something negative , was bound to happen . I know that was a mouthful and let me drink some water . Actually now I'm really thirsty . That was a mouthful , but I did like .
Speaker 1I started this conversation , wanted to use this opportunity to share what 2023 was like , share what you never know , what people are going through , educate people on other things , comments , and I will answer as I feel equipped to answer , or maybe emotionally , emotionally feel to answer . If it's something that I find that may be too triggering , then maybe I won't , but I am at a place now that I am able to talk about it when before , if I even started this conversation , my voice would have been breaking and being tearful . I even bought um box of tissue just in case I became tearful during this podcast . So I hope that you got something from me .
Speaker 1I know this is different from the usual podcast that we put out , where it's about business and entrepreneurship , but we also talk about more than a side hustle podcast having impact , and this impacted our life tremendously . You may feel like you know you've never been through it , but I'm sure someone around you have been through something , has been through something with infertility or just struggles with pregnancy . So keep that in mind when you're asking what are you waiting for to get pregnant ? What are you waiting for ? The second child , the third child ? Just think about what could be possibly . So that's it for me
Expressing Gratitude to Listeners
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1I thank you guys for listening and tapping in . I am proud of myself for being able to kind of say this story and obviously , to my friends and family , I love you dearly and , as I said from the beginning , it just has been very , very difficult to talk about it , but I did want you guys to just know how I've been feeling . So thank you to our listeners , thank you to everyone else and I am out . Thank you for tapping in with us again . As you know , we always ask , if you guys can , please , please , go ahead and leave us five star review . Go ahead and write something . If you're enjoying what we speak about , if you listen to us week to week , please be sure to let us know that helps us to continue to grow and for other people to listen to our show as well . We appreciate it .