More Than A Side Hustle
Marriage Isn’t Hard | Lessons Learned over 8 Years
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🌟 Don't forget to drop us a review to support us!
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---Resources----
Learn how to start and scale a cleaning business without cleaning ANY Houses
Cleaning Business University Course
Follow us on Social Media:
Instagram | Youtube | Facebook | Twitter
Podcast Sponsor:
If you are interested in a spot shoot us an email at info@thehartrimony.com
What's going on, guys? Welcome to another episode of the more than a side hustle podcast, where we help nine to five us create more impact, income and influence. My name is Anthony and I am Janoka.
Speaker 2:We want to thank you for coming back week after week and listening to us for over two years. If you didn't know, you can subscribe to watch us on YouTube or be sure to drop a review as you listen to us on Spotify, Spotify, Google, Yahoo, any of those.
Speaker 1:Well, we can't say week after week, because you guys saw, we've been off the last couple weeks and I don't want to say off as in, we haven't been producing content, but we haven't been producing the live production that you see here. Right, and number one, I don't apologize for that. I think going two years strong every single week has been well deserved, but I think that we haven't been putting as much emphasis on pushing just the content here, because it's like we do the YouTube Lives, we do the Instagram Lives, like these are all pieces of content that may or may not be seen as a podcast episode, like a sit-down discussion, but these are more than enough content, more than enough content.
Speaker 1:So we've been able to take our YouTube, like we just had one of our six-figure students do. If you guys listen to that, we thank you.
Speaker 2:But we did a whole conversation with our six-figure students and that wasn't a sit-down produced podcast, but we took that and put it in a podcast form and, to be clear, the episodes that we talk about the cleaning business get the highest views, get the highest downloads, despite us not only wanting to talk about the cleaning business. You guys dictate that you guys like that information.
Speaker 2:So, we put that out there. But I'm going to read a review, and this is from Coco093. I thank you for listening and writing us a review. We always appreciate those. They named it amazing, with multiple exclamation points. The heart songs are authentic and fun to listen to, appreciate them, sharing the ebb and flow of business, family and everything in between. Highly recommend and this highly recommend and this podcast has become a part of my weekly motivation to grow and develop as an entrepreneur. So thank you, coco Zero. Nine three Once again, and good luck on your entrepreneurship journey.
Speaker 1:Yes, you guys can leave us a review and we will always try to read them, especially live. So this episode is going to be about 10 business lessons we learned over the past few weeks. But before we get to that, I want to thank you guys. You guys know that Janoka did her last podcast episode by herself. And that was so well received. Number one, I congratulate you for doing that. I know it wasn't easy, and we haven't had a sit down conversation after the episode since not on camera, obviously not on camera, friends family and people have reached out.
Speaker 2:Wrote comments, you know um.
Speaker 1:You know what? I want to stay on that for a little bit okay, you're not.
Speaker 2:You're looking around. No, no, I'm getting notes for a podcast. We have notes on the podcast. It's that the episode I might. I want to talk about notes for a podcast.
Speaker 1:We have notes on the podcast. I might, but I want to talk about this for a little bit, because that was your first episode and this is kind of like me interviewing you, but I want to congratulate you, you interviewed me.
Speaker 2:Before though I did, I want to congratulate you on doing your own solo episode.
Speaker 2:How'd you feel? It? Didn't feel as nervous as I thought it was going to be one for it being solo and then two the topic of it If you didn't listen to it was a topic of fertility issues that we faced last year to get us here where we are now over six months pregnant. So, yeah, that was hard to get it. I think it was just I was more concerned, really, of doing a solo episode because I've never done it without you, and then I'm like is it going to be too short? Is it going to be too long?
Speaker 1:You were overthinking it before you started. I know.
Speaker 2:When I started, I was overthinking, and then I was also thinking about am I sharing details that people aren't really going to want to hear or care about?
Speaker 1:Based on the reactions. People were caring.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people were caring, but I think the double-edged sword of it was that it wasn't just a podcast for me, it also was a way for me to tell close family and friends, so all details mattered. So it was like, even if someone that didn't know me is like I don't need to hear this part, I didn't really care because I'm like there's other people listening that do care. So, uh, yeah, I, it was good, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be it was one of our more higher viewed YouTube videos too.
Speaker 1:Now I know family and friends were sharing it and stuff like that, but I definitely commend you for sharing those intimate details. And I know you guys come on the show and you guys are expecting the business, the entrepreneurship, but then you're also expecting the life in it. I know a lot of you guys probably didn't expect us to go that detailed on our life, but it is literally what we're going through as we are building these businesses, as we are raising our kids and this. That was just a part. That has been a part of our journey to continue to show up and still deliver value and still deliver things that you guys want to see.
Speaker 2:So that was a big part of my journey which is always funny to me because I know sometimes we've dealt with many business owners and some people say, you know, well, life has happened and things have happened and I'm like, baby, you don't even know the half of what's happening over here. But I can't just, oh, I choose let me rephrase that I choose to just not show up because I'm a business. At the end of the day, some people ain't gonna care what I got going on. Um, it's like it's a you know, it's a balance of having leniency and being like, you know, this person's a human, but at the same time, people want they what they paid for or showed up for. So that's always a hard and I'm like this is mad of the businesses that just be like, yeah, life happened, so I can respond for two weeks, you know, but yeah, it was what it was. In balancing it all, I think it makes it easier because it's two of us.
Speaker 2:So, you know, if it was just me by myself, maybe I would be like those business owners.
Speaker 1:No, that's a good point, don't say anything. And I want to rephrase that by saying because people use that as a I don't want to say a crutch, but they always say it's two of you guys, right? So when we talk about cleaning business university and some of our students who are, you know, six figure earners or even seven figure earners at this point, a lot of them are couples.
Speaker 1:right now, we do have single, single people inside cleaning business university who's doing extremely well yeah but it does make it a little bit, a lot easier when you have that person to balance you a partner doesn't even have to be your significant other where you have that person to balance you, where things aren't going well, it's like, all right, well, I can't show up now, who's gonna show up for me? So there's instances where you can't show up or I can't show up.
Speaker 2:You like we could kind of pick and choose, yeah but I think the other side of it is, if I did not have you to show up, I probably would still have to right. Well, I would I would work. Consider it at least. I keep saying I have to. So I would consider, or I would say that I'm gonna make it because it's a business once again and people are paying me or people are looking to me for information.
Speaker 2:So if you couldn't do it, I would have to suck it up and do it, even though I didn't want to right. So that's the difference of what I think about. If I didn't have you or you didn't have me, it's like I'm going to still have to do it, regardless.
Speaker 1:If I'm in the best mood today, I'm going to still show up and, coincidentally enough, when this episode drops, it will be our eighth year anniversary.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so congratulations on that as well.
Speaker 1:So making it eight years. So what have you learned over the last eight years of marriage?
Speaker 2:No, no, no. You can't put me on the spot for that. I got to write my notes out for that. I mean, that's what the episode should have been. That's what it's about right now.
Speaker 1:So what have you learned over the last eight years of marriage?
Speaker 1:So my friend asked me he was like, have you guys ever thought about calling it quits? And it's funny, I quit. And it's funny, my, I had lunch with my frat brother too and we were just talking about divorce and, um, you know marriage. And he was like, yeah, I guess one of our older frat brothers had recently got divorced. It was like 20 years and I was like, well, I think we're still in the honeymoon phase. I think at 20 years you're no longer in that honeymoon phase. So I was like ask me again in 20 years how I feel about you know marriage. But I still, oh yo, what's going on?
Speaker 1:Did you know we own a seven figure cleaning business and we use that business in order to pay off $114,000 of debt. We use that business to help us travel more, save more money and eventually become financially free. If any of that sounds good to you, check out cleaning business university, where we teach you how to launch and scale a six now seven figure cleaning business, and the best part about it is that you do not have to clean homes yourself. I know that sounds crazy. Check out cleaning business university. We give you more in-depth information about that. Check it out and we will see you on the other side like you. Actually, this is your topic. You said marriage is not hard. Why'd?
Speaker 2:you say that because people, there is a tiktok going around and people are stitching it where a woman is asking. You know, I've always heard marriage is hard. Can you explain why? People are kind of making a joke out of it at this point, but they're saying things like marriage is hard because my husband leaves his pants on the floor all the time. They're making that type of joke or whatever. But I was saying I saw somebody explain that was the premise of the TikTok. That was the premise the tiktok that was the premise.
Speaker 2:Is somebody just asking can you explain why marriage is hard? And most people were answering seriously, I don't need that close. Most people were answering seriously as to why they feel it's hard and then people started making the joke out of it of like little things marriage is hard because I plan everything for my husband, tell him what he needs, and he still shows up and forgets his sneakers, like whatever. Like just little jokes they were saying where people can resonate with, because a lot of men operate the same so think about that like that tiktok is true marriage that part of marriage isn't hard, but it does become frustrating, frustrating, yeah, yeah it's like when you got a cut on your arm and you don't treat the cut, then it grows to an affection.
Speaker 1:Then it's like you gotta cut the whole arm off.
Speaker 2:So then I would do a tiktok for you if they were. My response would be it would be the woman saying well, why is my marriage is hard because I put all the events on the calendar and the day before a day of my husband asks what are we doing that day?
Speaker 1:that is oh, what's the next?
Speaker 2:oh, what time is something starting so like that? Yeah, that would be your, my thing, but I the serious side of it was that I didn't feel that marriage was or is actually hard. Okay, I think it's a conversation that happens all the time that you hear with people about marriage being difficult, and I don't know that. I necessarily agree. I think relationships can be difficult. I think that you can go through ups and downs, but I don't find marriage itself to be hard.
Speaker 2:Now, some people may be in the comments upset about that, and that's okay. Um, but the type of relationship that we have built now. This could be because we have a coach that makes a joke that we were playing in the sandbox, but we've known each other for probably 25 plus years now. Yeah, and I'm just gonna be 36 at the end of this year. So you, you do the math, so we've known each other for a really, really long time. That could be because of that, um, communication style, things like that how well you've known my family and friends for a long time could play a part in everything.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying no, but I don't find marriage to be hard. I wouldn't be one to necessarily say that. I think you work towards it like any relationship. You work to maintain your friendships. And I know it's different because, like you're not living with a friend, so someone could say and then children come into into play and it becomes like that. But it's just, I think it's just part of it going up and down. I really wouldn't describe it as hard.
Speaker 1:So let's outline some things that you can learn about about being married, because I think this would be a perfect, perfect episode to talk about that.
Speaker 2:What are the pros?
Speaker 1:basically, it's just about things that you, you, you learn throughout the time of being married. So one of the things that I got here is just communication.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's one, and that's any relationship, but I think that also falls on personality, for so many people too, when it comes to communication when it comes to any relationship, even when we're talking about service providers, the first thing we tell every single service provider we've ever worked with, whether it's ads, whether it's emails, whether it's ads, whether it's emails, whether it's social media, whether it's whatever, in any capacity.
Speaker 1:We are very upfront when it comes to communication. We say exactly what we expect, what we don't expect, how we expect to be communicated with, so that when the time comes we can say well, we told you so.
Speaker 2:Or we discussed this and this didn't happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we are very straightforward learning to express your thoughts so, yeah, learning to express your thoughts, communicate like there is no. I've always remembered, even though my mother wasn't married, but I always remember saying like you never go to bed mad at the person. So that was in my household as well with me. It's not like I could go to sleep mad at her. So if even I don't know there was a disagreement or something, there was always all right, you still sitting down having dinner together. After you just yelled at me or whatever, we still sitting down at dinner together and all right, we'll be watching on tv.
Speaker 2:So that's something that I carry into this relationship as well, like not going to bed upset with you at all in any capacity, like I'm gonna, we're gonna say it. Maybe we say we'll get back to it, but at least we get it out in some shape or form. Um, you know, you don't always have to say it in the moment, because the setting may be or you may need to think about it, but it's important for us to make sure that we still communicate with each other, um, especially as we continue to go on, especially as we continue to have kids, because that's going to be even more important, getting on the same page with all those things as well one of the things you just mentioned and I thought was what I think everyone should take away from that communication part.
Speaker 1:You said you said something. You just said. You don't always have to express the way you feel in the moment, meaning it might not be the right time to say that thing. So, for example, let's say, I don't know, I had said something recently and you was like, eh, I don't like that. I forgot what it was. It might have been about weight or something. You were trying to fit something on and I had mentioned yeah, that might not be the fit for you, just based on where you are it wasn't nasty or rude but it probably wasn't the right time to talk about your weight while you were trying to fit into something that doesn't.
Speaker 2:First of all, let me tell you, when you pregnant, a lot of things don't even look good on you, so I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 1:That probably wasn't the right time to say that about the weight gain, because obviously you're pregnant, but it would have been like, yeah, that's probably. I probably could have been like that's not the fit, based on yeah, situation and that's fine.
Speaker 2:I'm fine to hear something like that.
Speaker 1:So knowing it's not only about knowing what to say, it's about knowing when to say it. So that's the communication part and how you say it, which is also a big thing with people.
Speaker 2:The communication part. Yeah, I think communication is key, but it's such a specific thing that a lot of people don't have. And when you just speak to other people and you're like, well, why don't you just say that or why didn't you just tell the person that, and it's like, oh, I did or I didn't feel like it, and I think so much things can be resolved just based off of communication, and I would say it doesn't always have to be verbal, right? I know that for me, once again, it was me and my mother growing up and sometimes I didn't want to or maybe feel comfortable saying it and like leave it on top of the toilet, what? Or on the table, because I know she'll see it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would write notes.
Speaker 1:We all communicate differently.
Speaker 2:Express I don't it depends on what I wanted to say you used to write me notes too. I used to write you notes too.
Speaker 2:I know I remember that it just depends on what I wanted to say Exactly, and maybe in the moment I didn't or whatever, but I still wanted to express if it hurt me, got me upset, or I'm sorry, or whatever, that's what I would do. So it doesn't always have to be verbal. You can send an email at this point, or send a text, yeah, and then have a conversation after. So there's different ways you can go about it. Um, and I think understanding your partner's way as well, that compromise, because I know a lot of people say they're the ones that want to talk about it immediately and, like their partner, wants to wait three days that's like how do you?
Speaker 2:oh well, how do you? You handle that, that part of it?
Speaker 1:um, marriage requires finding middle ground and making compromises to accommodate each other's needs and preferences. Yeah, negotiate. Yeah, somebody, what was the question? Like you see, you see young dudes and they feel like they feel like, well, marriage means that you can't do. You see young dudes and they feel like they feel like, well, marriage means that you can't do. You see young people like marriage means that you can't do what you want to do anymore. And I think about marriage very similar to like budgeting. It's not you saying that you can't spend your money.
Speaker 1:It's about you telling your money how it's going to be spent so, when it comes to marriage and compromise, it's not saying that you can't do what you want to do. It it's now you coming to a compromise on how things are going to be done as a unit, versus I can't go out anymore. It's like no, it's not that you can't go out, it's now you have to be able to be understanding of how this impacts the other person. So if you're going to go out, that's fine, but are you going to go out and stay out all?
Speaker 2:night? Yeah, are out, that's fine, but are you gonna go out and stay out all night? Yeah, you out till 4 am. Are you out multiple times a week, it's like, even if you are out till 4 am.
Speaker 1:That's fine, but are you doing it every single night? And if you are, and that's okay, then that's fine, but if you are, and it's not okay you have to know how to compromise during that time, because it's not saying that you can't do it. Are you doing it every night? Are you doing it every other night? You're doing every week or every quarter or once a year to determining how you're going to compromise in those situations?
Speaker 2:I think it's a big one, especially when it comes to big and once again, I and this whole conversation, really everybody household is different. I should say in that everybody's household operates differently, but I do think there is some type of when you speak about like the going out and stuff, there is some type of like etiquette with marriage. There is an unspoken rule with certain things. For example, not you can't, but it's very weird for a married person to be out three days a week until 4 am. I'm just going to say it. I don't care if your wife or husband agrees to it.
Speaker 2:Well, unless you're a DJ or like a, okay, but how many DJs are there? There's not many DJs. We might have a DJ that listens to the podcast. I don't even know many DJs that are married.
Speaker 1:That is I was going to say one, but I don't want that to come back. You know somebody? No, just a big name DJ. Never mind, continue.
Speaker 2:Okay, oh DJ. Okay, yeah, he is married. I forgot, but I don't even know if he really DJ. Whatever, oh DJ.
Speaker 1:Envy. Oh, I was talking about Callie, but if you're still, if you're there's certain circumstances when this is expected, but I'm sure he's not doing that every single night.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, but the point is, I think there is etiquette when it comes to marriage in some capacity, and having those conversations is really, really important. I just thought about another, tiktoker.
Speaker 1:Is it etiquette? Or or is it compromise? What's a TikTok? You and these TikToks.
Speaker 2:Well, it's good information, good, Well she talks about well, she primarily just talks about the cost of living with kids. But her conversation she lives in Boston her conversation became the expectations that people, us as a society, put on to women, right, and I think I sent you one. You was like do I need to take anything from this? Do I need to have any takeaways from?
Speaker 1:this, that's communication. You sent me a TikTok and I was like hun, this is not the best TikTok to be sent to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, it was just showing you, so it made me think am I doing something wrong? It was a takeaway for me and I said no, it was a thank you. Okay, certain things she doesn't do in her household, which is fine, she says, like she doesn't book her husband's appointments, like doctor's appointments, she doesn't do his laundry. There's certain things she doesn't do and people were in an uproar.
Speaker 1:You do the doctor's appointments, I do the laundry.
Speaker 2:People were in an uproar with some of the things she said.
Speaker 1:She doesn't do Well, we split the laundry.
Speaker 2:Right. So she said they do the kids. So she was saying, yes, there are times where my husband is coming home late or whatever, and I will do it or I will make an appointment, but it's not my responsibility to do these things which society brings on to women. That is my responsibility to do it. And so that's what people were really upset with, what some of the things that she was saying. But she's just like I'll do it if I have to, but I don't necessarily have to. The second part is what I sent you when it was about a woman saying that she wants to start going back to the gym, and she did, but she has to go at 5 am before the kids and everybody wakes up. Husband was like, oh, you motivated me, I want to start going to the gym. He's like I'll go after work at between 5 to 6 30, which is hell and it's like so if you guys don't know, you don't have kids.
Speaker 1:That five to seven o'clock is like five to eight.
Speaker 2:So the conversation became, became the woman. No, she doesn't want to wake up at 5 am to go to the gym, but she's cognizant that that's the only time that it will not disrupt the family, the kids, the husband and everything. And getting them ready and for her husband to say like I will go after the work is just an example how most men not all or other spouses, just don't even consider everything else that's going on in the house and everything else you have to do, because a mom probably would never say I'm going to the gym at 5 to 6.30. Yeah, because they know, unless it's like you said, you have that agreement, that discussion, maybe twice a week it's the only time I can go, whatever. But that was kind of like that gender roles, compromise, communication all in one that she was discussing. It just made me think like yeah, you're 100% correct.
Speaker 1:That reminds me of a conversation that I was listening to. It was a podcast interview and it was a really good podcast and it's not. I don't want to mention a name, but I'll give the synopsis of it. There was this gentleman it was like a rise to fame type of thing from zero to a multimillion dollar right Multimillionaire and I think you might have sent it or I might have sent it to you, okay, and he was like you had kids at a young age and then I moved across the country and I had nothing and I slept on a couch and I was just grinding and going from couch to couch and I built this app and built this platform and I became multi-millionaire Kind of like a bootstraps conversation. And the comments said that is fantastic, but what?
Speaker 2:happened to the family?
Speaker 1:It was like you were able to get up and move across the country, you were able to pull yourself out by the bootstraps, you were able to sleep on couches and all that stuff is great, but who was taking care of the family, the kids? Who was taking care of the kids? And it was like the person that you left behind or that you guys split. They are probably taking care of the kids and I was like I did not even think about that.
Speaker 1:I'm like this guy's crushing it, he's killing it. I had kids at a young age, but her story wouldn't have been. I had kids at a young age and I was sleeping on the couch and I moved. The whole story was, I moved, it wasn't.
Speaker 2:I moved on. He didn't say that.
Speaker 1:But you're thinking about it. Once I read through the comments, I'm like we don't even think about that as a society. It's like a man could get up and just go and do his own thing, we all behind him and the mothers in the comments were like that's great, that was fantastic.
Speaker 1:But what about the family? And I think it was on one of my best, one of my favorite podcasts and I was like that would have been an excellent question to ask and it was like, yeah, once I got older me and my kids did this I was like wait, wait, there was a whole 10-year gap. Wait a minute. While you were moving from couch to couch, Absolutely not.
Speaker 1:They will probably be back home with the parents, or hopefully it wasn't worse than that. But we were talking about compromise, and it's one of those situations where there's compromise that needs to be had, and we can't forget that, when it comes to marriage, that's the only way this thing is going to work.
Speaker 2:I think specifically when it comes to those gender roles, because I think society has put and we have been built and taught certain gender roles and you know, as we say, like, can you not do these things if I'm not here? Can you not do the laundry? Can you not cook a meal? Did you not learn to at least make a breakfast something? Maybe there's a better cook in the family, sure, but it isn't just that. I think the point is like it doesn't have to just be the woman or the one person, right? I think gender roles?
Speaker 1:I think I don't. I think roles in the house are important, but I don't think gender roles are the roles so like when it comes yeah, roles are important, doesn't have to be based on a gender. Yeah, so for us in our marriage, right, and we got like, let's say, cleaning is one. We have a, we have a cleaning company.
Speaker 1:They come and clean, but straighten it up I would say I do more straightening up than you. Yeah, cooking should normally a woman's role. Yeah, based on gender Right, I do most of the cooking. Um, now for you taking care I would say mostly taking care of Alani. Making sure she's straight like the the hair, the clothes, the medicine, the doctor's appointments, all that stuff. Yeah, the doctor's appointments, all that stuff. When it comes to making sure she's fed, making sure she has food.
Speaker 2:I make sure the house has food. The house has food groceries all that.
Speaker 1:These are roles that are normally based on a gender, but I think it needs to be based on the way a household functions. It doesn't have to be simply a gender-based role.
Speaker 2:Yeah, laundry, those type of things we both do, then a lot of the mental stuff, so things outside of the household I would do in that capacity. So if there's like I don't know if we're meeting up with people or if we're definitely planning a vacation or any events or anything that's outside of the household, then I would keep track of that. Things that you may be like. Well, you're not physically working on it, it's more of a mental thing, but you are working because you're constantly like I got to do that, I got to do that, I got to do that, did you do that? Did you cancel that meeting? Did you book that meeting? I told you three times, you know, like that. So it is a balance of mental and physical load. I think that people probably don't consider All part of that compromise, all part of that communication of things that you have like that I or you would have to do outside of the household and what that looks like.
Speaker 1:And your family. If your family has gender roles, and that's the way you operate, it's like yo, men go out and make the money and women women cook and clean.
Speaker 2:That's that's fine, if that works for you, that works for everybody. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I enjoyed. I realized I enjoyed cooking.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, and the thing about cooking is that.
Speaker 1:I get to make exactly what I want, and it's going to be healthier than what you want me to.
Speaker 2:Well, that's the thing, because you were big on the healthy and I'm like I ain't making nothing healthy.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. It's like you know what. At least eight seasonings. We don't need eight seasonings. So that goes down to we were talking about compromise, and that also includes, I would say, conflict resolution that we spoke about as well. Patience, man. Patience is crucial in marriage, that's a shoot Because you're not patient. You learn patience with kids and you learn patience with marriage because you have somebody else. That my favorite word is take it easy.
Speaker 1:You can't just go and do your own. This goes back to also compromising, but as a single person you would go out and do whatever you want when you want. Now, when you bring other people to an equation, when it's a spouse and then another layer when you bring kids into the equation, oh, hell.
Speaker 2:no, you got to have patience.
Speaker 1:Well, you have to have patience as a person first, and if you want to do some extra credit, take a screenshot of your phone. Or if you're driving in the car, take a screenshot of your, your dashboard. Tag us. Tag us on instagram. Let us know you are tapping in so that we can repost you and show you some love too.
Speaker 2:You can tag us at more than a side hustle podcast or at the heart your morning. We have two ways that you can tap in with us. We appreciate it, thank you. Sometimes you don't, and so that probably makes it even harder bringing everything in, because patience for me seems feels real easy. But then I know for you I'm like take it easy, just take it slow, or let me get it out, or what are you upset about with her? Like change?
Speaker 2:takes time, understanding takes time and I think it becomes, like you said, really big with kids, because I don't know, they don't have any sense of urgency.
Speaker 2:No sense of logic, really, at least at the age that we have a kid at, I know, as they get older, but they're just really chaotic. They're all over the place and so you really have to check in with yourself and how you're reacting and the patience of it. Like they don't know and sometimes they they may, but they're still going to test you because that's what they do. So just checking in on yourself of like, all right, I need to go take a break and I think we're we're both good on that.
Speaker 1:And if you don't have kids, patience with that spouse is the same exact thing. Sometimes you may say I need to take a break or come back revisit the conversation or not right now. So that's. It just depends on where you are. You don't want to come off the wrong way. So having that patience, having that due diligence, taking your time, coming back and realizing that it's no longer like it goes back to camaraderie, it's no longer just you. You guys got to come to a mutual decision and sometimes you won't like that's fine. Yeah, you got to be okay with that. You got to be okay to agree to disagree.
Speaker 2:If it lie, another one, what? Let's agree to disagree. I'd be quick to say that, because you're going to change my mind.
Speaker 1:Teamwork. You can get a lot. We can get a lot further by having a partner with you. Man, like this life is so hard, doing it alone, and I know people are like well, we're the age where you don't need to get married and I'm all for. You know, especially when it comes to the black households, just having that spouse, having that partner in the house, raising kids, raising a family coming together, coming to the conflict resolution and just being able to say my family is number one and you're pushing towards a common goal. With a partner, you're going to be able to get a lot further faster, at least in my opinion.
Speaker 2:Teamwork is everything I mean. It's just, it's a marriage, is a partnership. Yeah, marriage is a partnership is the way that we can help our household function. Like you do this, I do this, you do this, I do that. We can be doing it at the same time, but like, okay, I'm gonna do the dishes while you sit with her while she eats and she's done eating. All right, you go bathe herhe her, I'm going to prepare her room, and you know, it's just about doing it together versus just putting it all in the other person, because then frustrations build up.
Speaker 2:Um, just, for example, like you know, you go walk the dog.
Speaker 2:If you want, I'm going to stay back and start packing for us.
Speaker 2:Like, whatever it is, it's just a constant teamwork to get it done, and I don't know how you even operate without teamwork in a marriage. I think that's a, like I said I would say, right after communication or right along communication, having that teamwork and making it work together so that it makes sense, and doing those, which is something I don't know if that's something we have listed here, but I think part of teamwork and communication is having those check-ins. You know, we spoke about many times having those um family meetings, which we used to have more frequently, I think, when we were paying off our debt, but now it's a once a month thing where we have a family meeting just as a way to check in on everything which is part of that communication and teamwork, making sure we're still aligned, making sure maybe there's something that neither of us spoke about and we're bringing it to the meeting and we can discuss it there. So, yeah, I don't know how team, I don't know how else you're operating without doing it as a team and conquering it together learning.
Speaker 1:Learning to collaborate, support each other and share responsibilities forces a sense of unity and mutual support. That's literally it Like when you, when you're at work, and you have those team projects. I know people hate the team projects because it's like I got to rely on this person to do this and this person to do that and I get it Like I understand I'm. I'm of the mindset where I could probably get it done a lot better by myself. But if have someone we were somehow like opposites attract and I think I just posted this on our page somebody I was on a coaching call with somebody and it was like it's funny, um, it's one of our, one of our eight week students.
Speaker 1:She was like you and janoka are just alike, but you're so different because we had the same answer but the thought process, but the thought process behind it was differently and and maybe what we'll say, and then what was?
Speaker 1:what we said was different, but the same end result was this the end result was exactly the same and, for example, we were talking about just like like I see risk as a way to. I see risk as an opportunity and you see risk as a way where something potentially I don't want to say go wrong, but did you think about it in detail? Right, and I say all the time is that I'd be really rich or really poor if I wasn't married to you? Yeah, because I would take all the risk and I would either be really rich or all the risk did not pan out in my way because I didn't think about it thoroughly. So that's where that teamwork comes into play, especially when it comes to marriage, having someone that's opposite of you.
Speaker 2:And then just it helps us to transcend it into business as well, right? Oh yeah, so just relying on each other. And then I think you also have put this in the caption, like you're quicker to trust somebody and I side-eye them and I'm like okay. And I'm like all right, let them show us, let them prove themselves, and you're like let's let them you're the opposite of you would say give them the opportunity.
Speaker 1:And let them prove me wrong. Prove me wrong, right.
Speaker 2:Prove me right, or prove me right, and I'm like let's see so. So, and I think we are similar in a lot of ways that I wouldn't. I definitely wouldn't consider us opposites at all, like that.
Speaker 1:We're those people that they say opposites attract, absolutely not.
Speaker 2:I would not say that about us. But we do think differently in certain with certain situations and we do respond differently with certain situations, but we still operate as one right. There is still one band, one sound. There is no like all right, yeah, I'm going to do this and not check, you know, not ask my husband, but kind of ask him and say, hey, this is what I'm thinking of, this is what we, and vice versa. That that's not how we operate and that's what I think helps me to continue to say that marriage isn't hard because of the way that my household is ran that's it.
Speaker 1:That's it. We spoke about conflict resolution. We didn't speak about appreciation and gratitude.
Speaker 2:So expression, expression, appreciation and gratitude for your partner and the things they do strengthens the emotional connection in the marriage and I think that that's important but can be difficult because you just continue on a cycle like you just keep fun, like the person does it, and it's like all right, cool. So like you know you cook and it's like a right thing, you know, because you cook, yeah, but every once in a while it's nice to hear you know.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that meal, it was really good yeah right, even though it's like maybe it's your standard salmon, but sometimes I was gonna ask you should I go get the salmon and make that tonight, because that joint is so good I'm like I think the family would enjoy this as much as me.
Speaker 1:Now that is my sign of that might be my love language. I enjoy doing it and I know we need to eat, and it's healthy and it keeps us full and and being able to do what we want to do yeah, but and I know it's important I do think it important, but it can get lost because you're just constantly doing it.
Speaker 2:So I think of like a kid in school sometimes when they're like the smartest kid in class, kind of take it for granted. Yeah, after a while. I mean you congratulate them, but you ain't doing it the whole school year. Yeah, because you're like I just know this person is going to excel, that's what he or she does, and it is what it is.
Speaker 1:But I would like to hear it sometimes, I would like to feel it sometimes, that you know, whatever that looks like, what is something that you feel underappreciated for underappreciated for maybe not under. Maybe you could be appreciated more for sometimes but I've said this before this is out there, you might go viral for it. What it nothing crazy. I knew they wasn't perfect. I know that's what they waiting for.
Speaker 2:I didn't say I was perfect, no, I'm joking. But sometimes it can feel overwhelming or underappreciated with working a nine to five and the businesses, because that'd be whipping my behind as of lately, as of lately being like five, six months.
Speaker 1:These last months have been difficult, I would say More difficult than normal, that'd be whipping my behind.
Speaker 2:So it's different because with Anthony, he has the multiple businesses that we run and multiple things that happen on the back end, right, but then you, I have that plus the nine to five and the multiple meetings and everything else that I have to, and I would say probably taking care of Alani's on top of that too.
Speaker 2:And then Alani, marriage, like everything else you still have going on in life, right, so you still have that part of it. And then sometimes we're like, you know, we have conversation with our coaches, we have a conversation with people and we'll I'm like, yeah, I'm not, I, I didn't realize that.
Speaker 1:That's appreciation and gratitude right there.
Speaker 2:I got this done on Wednesday, oh well maybe we're recording this podcast on Wednesday.
Speaker 1:How about that?
Speaker 2:It's been a few days, let's just say that we're recording this on Wednesday. And so sometimes I'm just like I'm just not going to do it. And they're like, why not? You have to do the work. And I'm like, yeah, I know I do the work. And I'm like, yeah, I know I do the work, I've been doing the work, but it's hard. But then it's also like it feels like you're doing everything in a business, right? So how do we balance me having to assist with the business and having nine to five?
Speaker 2:So I don't know if I would say I feel underappreciated there, but overwhelmed. Sometimes it is very overwhelming. That is that part is very overwhelming. I think what alania don't feel as overwhelming, because we're both in it to win it right. Like there is no, oh, only you do her nighttime routine on both of us, or only you take her to the bathroom, the potty train, or only you feed her. No, we both do that, depending on the day, depending on what's going on, whatever. So I don't feel um too overwhelmed with her. And then we also have, uh, babysitters that come and assist when we need to do something together. So that really helps as well, that there is a place to take a break, as needed, when we can at least.
Speaker 1:And uh, so the last one.
Speaker 2:What about for?
Speaker 1:you, oh no, I don't think. I think for me it's. It's one of those like you're the, you're the husband this kind of goes to gender roles. It's like, listen, I gotta make it, it has to work, or it has to work, so I'm willing to do whatever we need to do to make make things happen. So it would be like, all right, well, alani needs this, or she needs to be potty trained, or we this, or we gotta eat food. Right, the business is still half the business. So I just think, for for me, as a husband, I think a lot of men feel the same way and you I've seen this tweet sometimes it's like you got to be a husband, you got to be a father, you got to be a nurturer as well.
Speaker 1:People want you to be emotional. You got to be the CEO, so you got to be an a-hole sometimes. And it's like as a, as a male, especially in to be an a-hole sometimes and it's like as a as a male, especially in 2020, I mean women feel the same way, where it's like you got to be the head honcho, or the head head B right, and you got to do all these things queen B, queen B, head B, whatever they want to call it, but it was like be you can't be over emotional, but people want you to show emotion and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:so it's, I would say, balancing all the hats is would be challenging for me at time.
Speaker 1:From time to time, yeah, it puts a lot of pressure, and then you also got to make sure that marriage is functional. So I would say just the pressure of society, societal norms on men, especially men that are providers, especially when it comes to married men, I think think it's just challenging from time to time, but I think I'm still appreciative and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be able to say that. You know, I have a healthy marriage, I have a healthy daughter, we got healthy businesses and there are people who would like my friend I told my friend Andre the other time. He said yo, you guys have made it Like what you guys have is what people are still looking for and if you don't appreciate that, you will always be chasing more and not recognizing what you already have like in front of you, right?
Speaker 1:So that was one of the things he always reminds me every, every couple months he's like oh, and you don't gotta do this, you don't gotta do that, you want to chase that. And it's like he's like you already have what you were chasing. You just got to to remember that. So I think that's for everyone too, just looking back, like we have these jobs, we have these careers, we have these businesses. Five years ago, you were crying for this, you were praying for this, you stayed up every night for this, and then you have it. Now you want that thing. That's five years from today, right, and you're chasing that today, so that's what I would say Okay.
Speaker 2:You said, there was one more thing.
Speaker 1:I would say continue growth. We just spoke about that Marriage is a journey of growth and learning, embracing new experiences, challenges and opportunities, so that you can enrich your bonds over time.
Speaker 2:So I think it just brings me to like.
Speaker 2:I'm like, yeah, eight years is a long time, but if you compare it to 20 years, then no, that's not that long, right, but it is a really long time, and it has flown by. We spent our eight years in a new city, away from family and friends. Now, what eight years would look like if we stayed in New York? I'm sure would be completely different. In eight years We've, you know, got a dog side hustles our way out of 114 000 of debt. Um, we've became millionaires. We got our own home, we have three investment properties, we got a baby and another baby on the way.
Speaker 1:So I think multiple businesses, youtube, social media.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I think within our eight years I would say job well done, job well done. Yes, we've had ups and downs. I think our biggest ups and downs was when we lost Tony's best friend and then a year or two later we lost my uncle, which is more like my father, and then a year after we went through fertility challenges. So those have been really things that kind of like rocked our relationship, just on the emotional side of it and going through that part of it which I think we could do an episode on that, the emotional side of the fraternity journey with both of us.
Speaker 2:But, anyway, that is another side of what eight years has looked like, but it has been prosperous, it has been great, it has been enjoyable, it has been loving, caring, all of the above. So I am you don't have no champagne glass, but cheers to 80 more years together and excited for our 10. 80 more, yeah. Black for our 10, 80 more, yeah.
Speaker 1:Black man on the list, so about 70. That was back in the day.
Speaker 2:My grandfather is 91 or 2, so her grandfather 91.
Speaker 1:We still have that. We still have the. We recorded an episode with him. It wasn't the best audio, it wasn't Because I was still learning the mics and stuff, but you can watch it. But anyway, we never put it out. He said the reason that he's lived for so long is because he doesn't stress over little things. So guys, take that.
Speaker 1:If you're thinking about getting married or you want to take anything from this episode. Try not to stress over the little things, because that will keep you alive, that will keep you healthy and that will keep you happy.
Speaker 2:You never know it could be. But yeah, cheers to us.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening, Hopefully you guys learned something, whether you have relationship or not. Are you thinking about this? This could be. This could be applied to business relationships, friends, family partnerships. Whatever you guys want to apply it to Make sure you guys leave us five stars, leave us eight stars for eight years how about that? And staying tapped into us more than a silo podcast featuring the hard dogs.
Speaker 2:Have a good one, peace and happy eight year anniversary to us. Thank you for tapping in with us again. As you know, we always ask if you guys can, please, please, go ahead and leave us five star review. Go ahead and write something. If you're enjoying what we speak about, if you listen to us week to week, please be sure to let us know that helps us to continue to grow and for other people to listen to our show as well.
Speaker 1:We appreciate it.