Ep. 122: IVF Alternatives for friends

I'm frequently asked how clients can share fertility suggestions with their friends. They want to share the exciting things they're learning through their own fertility education process, but don't want to overstep or say the wrong thing. This is especially true when it comes to IVF alternatives. Many ladies talk to friends who hate the IVF process, and yet their friends aren't sure how to suggest alternatives. This episode is designed for those who want to meet their friends where they are and provide a hopeful, supported alternative to fertility treatments that may not be serving them well. Enjoy these tips that can be applied to all sorts of fertility related conversations among friends! This could apply to in vitro fertilization, birth control, IUD use, recurrent pregnancy loss or miscarriage, and more.

NOTE: This episode is appropriate for most audiences, but does discuss the sensitive topic of infertility and loss, including IVF procedures and artificial reproductive technologies.

SHOW NOTES:
9 Facts about Napro for Those Struggling with Infertility (includes reference for medical studies mentioned)

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Looking for ways to implement fertility awareness into your life and faith? Check out out most helpful resources: 

• Substack Newsletter (free)
• Website Resources (free)

Transcript

Caitlin: 0:06

Welcome to the Woven Well Podcast. I'm your host, Caitlin Estes. I'm a certified fertility care practitioner with a master of divinity degree. Each episode will cover a topic that helps educate and empower you and your fertility while honoring the deep connection your fertility has with your faith. Let's get started. Welcome back to the Woven Well Podcast. Now, I often have clients who love what they're learning, love the different approach when it comes to the Creighton model system, NaPro Technology, and everything we do at Woven Natural Fertility Care. And because of this, they're really eager to tell their friends and family, and especially those who are struggling with infertility. They want to provide other options, especially when it comes to IVF alternatives. And I think that's often because we have friends who are struggling or facing IVF and think that that's their only option. We know that IVF is expensive. It's physically so, so taxing, and of course extremely emotionally challenging. And at the end of the day, there are no guarantees. So of course we want to share alternatives with these friends, yet we want to be, and we need to be, sensitive to our friends who are on this really hard journey, a journey they're on because of the love that they have for these children that they long to carry. So this hard journey is often why clients are asking for tips for how to share these services with their friends. They don't want their friends to suffer if there's another option, they want to share something that has been really helpful for them. So I thought I would gather some of the tips that I provide to clients who want to share about IVF alternatives with friends in case it's helpful for you two . And of course these can apply outside of IVF. This is just the most common scenario in which I will have a client say, how can I share this sensitively? How can I share this well and with love? Now, if you're new here, you may be wondering, what is this IVF alternative of which you speak? And that is a great question. So I am a certified fertility care practitioner. I work with women and couples to help them understand when they're fertile and infertile. And I work to help them identify underlying root causes of reproductive health concerns, specifically as it relates to a woman's health. So I do this by partnering with providers who have a more restorative focus on women's health, and they are often called NaPro providers that stands for Natural Procreative Technology. These are OBGYNs and medical providers who received their full medical training, but then they went on to get additional specialized training in this restorative approach to fertility. So when you come in to work with myself or a NaPro provider, our goal here is the same. We want to improve your overall quality of life by finding the root causes for common women's health issues that they have. For instance, things like PMS or irregular cycles or ovarian cysts, we think, hmm , there's nothing we can do about those. That's just part of being a woman. But that's actually not true. There are underlying causes in all of those scenarios. And so , I teach you to chart your cycles through the Creighton system, and then you work with a NaPro provider to interpret those charts, use them to get to the root cause, and then treat those underlying issues. So not only are you more able to have a healthier system that could potentially conceive and carry a child to birth, but also your overall quality of life has improved. So I would say overall it's a different approach. It's a different philosophy. The goal here being to preserve and restore fertility and really investigating those underlying conditions. These medical providers are never going to force your body to do something that it shouldn't be doing. They're never going to suppress a natural process. Instead, their whole approach is to work with your natural system, get it to the point where it can do what it should be doing. And then of course, your overall quality of life is improved as well. But, and I know you care deeply about this, it's also arguably more effective. So the overall success rates when it comes to IVF are very different depending on how old the woman is and other factors. But if you combine all those statistics, the success rate of IVF for women experiencing endometriosis, for instance, is about 21%. Whereas the success rate for having a live birth for women who treat endometriosis through a NaPro Technology provider is 56 to 76%. That's huge. So women who have PCOS, who have irregular cycles, and find it very difficult to know when they're fertile or to even be able to ovulate, they will often bypass that process by going through IVF, the medical providers will. Well, the success rate in combined rates is about 25-26%. Women who get behind the root cause of PCOS and treat the PCOS specifically through NaPro Technology, have 62 to 80% success rates. So those are just two examples, but it makes a difference. Treating the root cause is going to get you better results than trying to bypass those issues that are still present, still active, while trying to conceive. And of course right there, again, after pregnancy, if one does occur. So for women who are struggling with infertility, couples who are trying to conceive, and especially those who are dealing with women's health issues that seem to be causing an issue with that, this approach can often be a breath of fresh air because it's not just forcing things to happen, it's really looking at your health. It is identifying often common symptoms that you experience that you think you're stuck with for as long as you're going to have periods. And it's figuring out why that's happening and then addressing that specifically. So yes, we want you to have children as well. That is absolutely a goal, but it's not the only goal. Also your overall quality of life. So I know I've said that a few times, but that's because it is so important. And sometimes in other approaches to infertility, that's not ever a goal. Quality of life is not prioritized. So I do think it's important to state that it is different. So the ladies who are often asking me for these tips on how to share with their friends are clients. These are women who have taken this alternative route themselves and they didn't follow that standard route of 12 months of trying to get pregnant on their own. Maybe doing a few rounds of Clomid with their OB, getting tons and tons of tests, and then doing a few rounds of IUI before trying IVF. Instead, they chose to explore those root cause issues and really restore and nourish the reproductive health with the help of these specialized medical providers and OBGYNs. So that's where I'm going to start with my first tip. Simply share your own experience. What appealed to you about the Creighton model system and NaPro Technology? What have you loved about it? What have been your biggest felt benefits from doing this alternative path yourself? Has it increased or decreased your overall quality of life? You know, like what results have you seen? Share specifics if you've experienced years of PMS or painful periods or irregular cycles when you could never tell if you were fertile or infertile or when your next period was going to start. And those things have changed. Share that information. What has changed for you about your reproductive health? I think when you're walking that same journey or even facing similar struggles. So you may not even be someone who is trying to conceive, but you've experienced a lot of change and a lot of knowledge and insight by doing this alternative path of Creighton model system or NaPro Technology that kind of gives you this safe space to share your authentic experience. But my second tip is to be careful not to project your story onto them. So you want to avoid statements that include, you should: you know, you should just do this, you should try that, you should. That is not the way that we want to approach this because your story is different than theirs. Even if there are lots of similarities, everyone is walking a slightly different road. You don't know what they've been through, and you really want to honor their story. Now, the clients who are asking me for these tips know that already. They want to honor the women that are sitting across the table from them. They care so deeply, and they want to make sure to suggest these things in a way that their friends know is coming from a place of love and support. Not, you should just do this and everything will be fine, because that's not always how it works out. So my suggestion would be, be a source of connection instead of pressure. Like don't constantly check in with them about whether or not they've done A, B, or C. Instead, just offer them options, not mandates. You know , give them the lay of the land. Let them know how your life has been transformed by doing this alternative. And then give them opportunities to ask you questions. Be someone who is always available, always a listening ear, always willing to give your experience and what's changed for you. And really, that leads to my third tip, which is to offer resources that were helpful to you. So unless you have the kind of friendship or the kind of understanding where you can gather resources specifically to your friends' issues and provide them with them, I would say instead, offer things that were really impactful for you. So that may be some of the free resources that are on our website. We have tons of digital downloads that people can get at any time for no cost . Maybe you share Instagram accounts that have been super helpful. Of course, Woven Fertility has one, so it's @wovenfertility and anyone can follow. But also there are medical providers who are specifically trained in NaPro Technology, including NaPro trained surgical fellows. So one great example of that is Dr. Naomi Whittaker. She is very active on Instagram. Her account is at NaPro fertility surgeon, and she provides an incredible amount of information on there. She will show you images from actual surgery . She will talk about different scenarios. She will read and analyze recent research articles related to women's health. And she is also very active in her dms. So she will reply to you, she will help if she can, and she'll always make sure to refer you to someone who is in your local area as well. Or you could do something as simple as send them a podcast episode. So I know at Woven Well, I'm very intentional to have episodes that are short because I realize life is busy. And so if you send a friend an hour and a half long episode, that may feel like a burden to them. But if you send them a quick 15 minute episode on something that was really helpful for you, they're more likely to listen to it. So a great example of that would be some of our client stories. So every month we have a story from an actual client that's worked with Woven Natural Fertility Care, and they share a little bit of their story. So Rebecca shared her story of secondary infertility and how she conceived her first child without any issues, but then it just wasn't happening. She was going to her local OB. She wasn't getting the resources that she needed. She had this gut feeling that some specific things were wrong. And so by using the Creighton system , she was able to gather data about that, that supported what she thought. She was able to see her cycles in totally new ways, work with providers that were on the same page as her, and she was able to conceive and have her second child. Sarah shared her story about finding the right providers and how critical that was for her and her journey to be able to conceive her son after years and years of infertility. And apparently normal everything, normal lab results, normal ultrasounds, you name it. Or you may want to provide them with some really practical episodes like our episode on unexplained infertility or medical trauma and how to deal with that. Because ladies who walk through infertility and have to work with doctor after doctor and have procedures and lab draws and everything, there's a lot of medical trauma there. Or navigating your fertility fears and how difficult that can be. Anyone who's walking through infertility is wondering, what if we won't have children? Or if you're walking through secondary infertility, what if we'll only have one child? These are very real questions that oftentimes we are tempted to just push under the rug, but it's important to think about them, to acknowledge them, to process through them even as we're pursuing pregnancy. So my fourth tip is to genuinely meet them in their pain, even as you provide resources. So out of all the stories I just shared and all the examples, those are real people with real stories and a lot of pain there. We can't just jump to , oh, well, you just need to do this, this, and this. We have to acknowledge where that person is, all that they've walked through, and really care for them as the friend sitting in front of them. So everybody wants to be seen and known and loved. And infertility specifically is so isolating and it's emotionally painful. So how can you meet them and show friendship outside of suggesting IVF alternatives? Because it can feel painful sometimes for a woman to meet with a friend, think it's a safe place to talk about her struggles and then be told, Hey, you shouldn't be doing IVF, or You shouldn't think about doing IVF. You should do this instead. My suggestion would be to hear her story, let her share all of it, and then meet her there. Acknowledge that that must be really painful. That must be really difficult. How is she doing with it? How is her husband doing? What are they thinking about long term ? How can you offer support? Can you get together again next month to keep talking about it? So meet her there, be a friend, and allow her to feel that pain that she feels because no one walking through IVF is not experiencing an emotionally painful journey. Like that's just across the board. Anyone who has to go through IVF is struggling in some way. And so how can you meet them there and be their friend? Finally, don't forget. Pray for them and pray with them. If that's the type of relationship you have, then you can offer that to them. You can meet them there in that way and spiritually connect with them as well. But even if you don't, you can be prayerful for your friends and your family that are walking this journey. And of course, yes, it is fine and good to pray for children for them. I will never tell you not to do that. Absolutely. But don't forget praying for their ability to feel God's comfort and presence and joy and direction. God will meet them. God will guide them. So helping them in that process by being prayerful for them, that hey , they would have ears that are open, eyes that are open, and hearts that are open to God's direction will be a great source of comfort and peace to them as they walk that journey. Speaking of that, prayers for peace instead of urgency, which is always the temptation, prayers for hope instead of fear and trust instead of control. I think these are huge temptations to absolutely any woman, any couple who is walking through infertility, urgency, fear, and control, that need for control. But God is inviting us to rely on him, instead to partner with him, to trust him that he has our ultimate good in mind. Whether that means a longer journey than we expected to having children or maybe even not having biological children, maybe adopting or not raising children. As painful as that is to think about, we can trust God with our fertility journeys. We can trust God with our deepest desires. And even if your friend isn't in that place, you can be prayerful on their behalf for those things. I love the heart of women for other women. I think the fact that I have clients who care so deeply about their friends that they want to know how to do this and how to do this well is just a really beautiful thing. There is nothing like this community of womanhood. So it's my hope that Woven Natural Fertility Care, which is the organization behind this podcast, gets to be a part of that community. I want to welcome women as they navigate those real questions related to our fertility through the lens of our faith. So thank you for being a part of this and for being invested and for caring for your friends. It really does make a difference. And as always, thanks for listening as we continue to explore together what it means to be woven well.