Rogues Gallery Uncovered
Bad behaviour in period costume
A non-judgmental peep into the scandalous lives of history’s greatest libertines’ lotharios and complete bastards
This podcast contains adult themes and a touch of colourful language – This particular episode is also about a poet and contains no rhyming couplets.
If any of these are likely to offend, please rethink your listening choices
This episode is also quite a bit shorter than usual – call it a roguish snapshot if you will.
This has nothing to do with my indolent wastrel approach to good old hard work, its because me and my wife are off on holiday this week and I have been pushed for time.
Next weeks will also be somewhat compact.
What was I talking about?.....oh yes offence
What rhymes with Tits?
Putting the verse into perverse with Russia's rudest poet
Ivan Barkov
Before we begin a quick roguish shout out two a couple of scoundrels who correctly answered last week’s spontaneous competition.
The reactionary supporter of Charles Sibthorp who signed his letter CB (rtd) was a tribute to legendary fictional grump
Colonel Blimp
Well done to Rob and Martyn who both emailed me at simon@roguesgalleryonline.com with the correct answer.
I shall raise a large glass of something in your honour from whichever poolside den of vice I find myself in.
Don’t forget if you want to get in touch, browse the merch shop, support me on PATREON or access a literal gallery of roguish content visit roguesgalleryuncovered.com – link is in the show notes.
Right
The following tale is written in the present tense of the period in which its set…. and as such, may contain attitudes and opinions of the protagonists and their times which would today be considered unacceptable.
As I’m not a swear word loving 18th century Russian poetry critic, those attitudes and opinions are OBVIOUSLY not mine.
ST PETERSBURG 1768
Ivan Barkov, the obscene Russian poet, is dead aged just 36….but no one can quite remember how.
Some say he was beaten to death during a bout of drunken sex in a brothel.
Others maintain that he drunkenly fell into a privy and drowned.
One theory suggests he drunkenly committed suicide.
He was said to have been found with his trousers around his ankles and with a heartfelt note reading, “lived sinfully, and died ridiculously” sticking out of his arse.
Whatever the truth, his work will live on despite the fact that it is so pornographic, it was never published in his life time.
This isn’t to say he’s unknown.
From the moment, he came up with them, generations of Russians students have memorized, and scribbled down his “Shameful Odes” as clever satires on Russian society and literary pretension.
They also think swearing’s really clever and funny….bloody students
A talented writer with a gift for languages Barkov was the son of the clergyman, of all things! – and was educated in a seminary.
His prodigious talent with words and gift for languages led to him becoming a prodigy of the famous writer and scientist Mikhail Lomonosov – who is perhaps best known for establishing that the heavenly body knows as Venus possesses clouds and an atmosphere.
With Lomonosov’s help Barkov enrolled In the University of the Academy of Sciences in 1748 and showed outstanding promise – writing prodigiously and translating passages of ancient text.
However, the young man’s education became increasingly punctuated by numerous disciplinary beatings for drunkenness, slander, carousing, insolence, and drunkenness.
He was expelled but – again thanks to Lomonosov - was allowed to study French and German in the university gymnasium.
This was a great opportunity which Barkov drunkenly squandered by fighting with the police and being expelled from there as well.
Working at the Academic Chancellery as a scribe Barkov spent his time laboriously copying the works of some of Russia greatest minds.
It almost became a continuation of his studies and expulsion seems to have had little effect upon the growth of his knowledge.
He published his first work – “A brief Russian History” back In 62.
It was viewed by some as being an even more accurate account of the country’s past than that written by Voltaire himself.
Later that year Barkov was tasked with translating a special ode written to commemorate the birthday of Peter the Great.
In more recent years he produced a splendid translation of the Königsberg Chronicle – a 15 century manuscript – itself copied from a 13th century original, which tells the history of the kevian Rus from the 5th to the 13th centuries.
His academic career could have been triumphant had he not devoted so much of his energies towards drinking and vulgar poetry.
In his work, Barkov popularized the use of coarse slang or “Mat”, combining the sophisticated language of the drawing room with the kind of filthy smut you would hear from a gang of sweaty peasants pissed up on vodka.
His poems are funny, offensive, yet deeply poignant.
Who couldn’t fail to be profoundly moved by the plight of the impotent hero of his poem Ebikhud
Oh day, o unhappy day, O fate so cruel and harsh!
In vain do I survey my Pulchrovulvia’s charms,
And dream of plunging deep inside her lovely cunt,
Until I overflow in waterfalls of spunk-
My wretched prick still droops; no woman I might tup,
No beauty in the world can firm my sausage up.
Tales of Barkovs outrageous behaviour grew legendary.
It was said that he would often have drinking companions and local girls over to stay at his estate in the village of Barkovka for weeks of drunkness and sex – as a lover he was said to be tireless.
Even Catherine the Great was said to have requested his presence at the royal palace.
The two were said to have retired to Catherine’s bedchamber from which Barkov emerged on his hands and knees three days later naked from the waist down.
His appetite for vodka was as voracious as that for sex. He once bumped into famous poet and playwright Alexander Sumarokov and in order to get him to buy a drink, Barkov flattered him shamelessly.
“You are Russia formaost poet” he told him “Number 1”
How ever when a suitably flattered Sumarokov had bought the much needed vodka, Barkov got roaring drunk and shouted after him as they parted
“ Alexander Petrovich, I lied to you: the first Russian poet – is me, the second is Mikhail Lomonosov, you are just the third."
Barkov’s legacy can be found in the legendary Russian poem Luka Mudischev which tells the heart-warming story of a man paid to have sex with a board and lonely widow who then accidentally kills her with his 14-inch penis.
It’s also present in the work of one of Russia's premier literary giants, Alexander Pushkin.
In “Barkov’s Shadow” Pushkin pays tribute to the man by penning the tale of a defrocked priest who signs a pact with Barkov’s ghost in order to possess inexhaustible sexual prowess.
So powerful is his erection that the nun who tries to castrate him for his debauched ways takes one look at it, shits herself and drops dead.
Now that’s a poem.
Barkov sounds like quite the character but finding out more about him or indeed any examples of his work has proved tricky.
Despite being considered one of the country’s greatest poets his work remained unpublished for years after his death with fans meeting in secret to share his words.
In fact, he’s said to have begun his own illegal literary genre – how many of those are there? Called "Barkov shchiny."
The tsarists hated the obscenity of his work and after the revolution so did the communists.
The first officially printed examples of his poems only appeared in 1991.
Putin, im told is not a fan of salty language so for many years Barkov has been banned again
His fellow artists had mixed views about him. Chekov thought it “Inconvenient” to quote him while Tolstoy considered him a fool.
Pushkin of course was a fan and when he and his drinking mates got together, they would be forever quoting Barkovs works.
In trying to find examples of his poems online I’ve pretty much drawn a blank.
The not smutty ones have faded in to obscurity and the rude stuff that I could find appears to have been translated from Russian using a very poor AI and is therefore a meaningless gibberish of a word salad that I would not dream of inflicting upon you.
This is a shame as apart from his fascinatingly roguish life Barkovs bawdy work seems to combine plain working class language with biting social satire to make its readers both laugh and think – a nifty combination.
And Even though Alexander Pushkin is a world famous Russian poet whose work is taught in schools I could also find absolutely no examples of his poem “Barkov’s Ghost” or “Barkov’s Shadow” even on sites that say they feature his entire output.
Smutty mud sticks it seems even to one of his venerated stature.
Pushkin by the way was shot dead in 1837 In a dual with a Dutch baron who had apparently been sleeping with his wife.
That’s proper cancelling.
If any of you rogues can lay your grubby hands on any half-decent translations of Barkovs stuff then feel free to send them my way at simon@roguesgalleryonline.com as I would be intrigued to know what all the fuss is about.
Right ive got a suitcase to pack
Next time on Rogues Gallery Uncovered
Really Horrible Boss
Torture, psychopathy and witchcraft
With the 17th century’s lowest rated employer
Elizabeth Bathory – the blood countess.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this slightly shorter episode – its another compact ep next week.
Don’t forget to sign up for the newsletter at the website rouguesgalleryuncovered.com
And ill make the usual suggestion that if you like what you hear and can leave a nice review or high rating in you podcast provider of choice then it would be most appreciated.
Have a great week and ill see you yesterday.
