Rogues Gallery Uncovered
Bad behaviour in period costume
A non-judgmental post-mortem into the scandalous lives of history’s greatest libertines’ lotharios and complete bastards
This podcast contains adult and pretty disturbing themes, quite a lot of pain sound effects and a touch of colourful language.
DEAD EXCITING
A NECROPHILIAC ‘S PARISIAN HOLIDAY
With 18th century politician and arch weirdo
George Selwyn
Since the last episode I’ve been on holiday in Albania – which was thoroughly brilliant, and I heartily recommend it .
I was too busy lying on the beach reading historical fiction and drinking the occasional beer to do much research so I could track down any Albanian rogues – if you know of any, I’d love to hear from you.
Email Address in the show notes.
I did go to Baret Castle up in the mountains where the views were breathtaking and I strode the battlements in my cargo shorts with all the other middle aged men – and had a bloody good time.
Id have looked more rakish in a linen suit though.
Before we kick off with the 18th century necrophilia – a sentence I never thought id say – a quick shout out to new rogues gallery member Daniel Forth – who for the monthly price of a quart of ale can now enjoy exclusive videos, images and a host of other roguish benefits while supporting the podcast.
Thanks for your support and welcome Daniel – and if you want to be like him the link is – where else, in the show notes
Owing to post holiday lethargy this is a slightly shorter tale than usual so let’s crack on with the inevitable disclaimer
The following tale is written in the present tense of the period in which its set…. and as such, may contain attitudes and opinions of the protagonists and their times which would today be considered unacceptable.
As IM NOT ( and this is important) a torture obsessed 18th century MP who disguises himself as a woman and has a very unhealthy interest in corpses
Those attitudes and opinions are ( and I feel I must stress this) definitely not mine.
PARIS 1757
George Selwyn is watching a man being torn limb from limb; this is the best holiday ever.
He’s made a special trip to Paris just so he can attend the execution of Robert Damiens, a former soldier who recently attempted to assassinate Louis XV.
Fortunately for the king, he only succeeded in lightly wounding him with a knife.
Unfortunately for Damiens, the penalty for attempted regicide is to be drawn and quartered.
Fortunately for Selwyn, it’s the first time this sentence has been passed in over one hundred and fifty years and he has a front row seat!
You wouldn’t think to look at him, that Selwyn is a sadist obsessed by death and suffering.
Completely inoffensive, he lacks any ambition and even the tiniest spark of energy.
Floating around town in an effete haze, he charms everyone he meets with his languid wit.
He’s well known for regularly losing huge amounts at the gaming tables of St James, but barely summons up a shrug as he hands over his cash.
After an evening’s gambling, when his fellow players visit a brothel or two for some female companionship, he’s the one who stays downstairs chatting while they are busy on the top floor knocking off the doxies.
Truth to tell, he doesn’t seem interested in women at all or indeed menvery much .
What really gets him going is watching public hangings at Tyburn - he can’t get enough of some luckless cracksman or footpad getting stretched in front of a baying crowd.
The kicking and struggling as they are hauled aloft on the gallows is like a coy glance at the beginning of an assignation, the bulging eyes, lolling tongue and purple face, the most sensual delight and if it’s a man, the involuntary erection just before death is almost too much to bear.
Being seen becoming aroused at the death agonies of others however, could be considered to be a bit strange so Selwyn often disguises himself as a woman, concealing his obvious excitement beneath the folds of a voluminous hooped skirt.
Those who know of his “fascination” suspect it may have all started at Oxford - from which he was sent down for blasphemy.
Cutting your arm, collecting the blood in a chalice and inviting fellow students to drink your health with it, probably seems like youthful high spirits to him now.
In 1747 (dressed as a man) he went to Tower Hill and thoroughly enjoyed the beheading of several member of Jacobite nobility captured at Culloden .
The way the condemned Scotsmen dropped their handkerchiefs to signal the executioner to strike, was really most affecting.
Selwyn offered to buy a couple of the heads so he could take them home but wasn’t allowed.
One lady who found his unadulterated glee a little offensive took him to task as the bodies were being piled onto a cart.
He replied that if she was offended at his watching the heads being cut off, he was more than happy to make amends by going to the undertakers so he could watch them being sewn back on.
As his interests grew, his behaviour became even more “eccentric.”
On the days of public executions, he was often to be found back at the gaming tables of Whites , insisting that this time he would not be moved from his seat.
But, as the hours leading up the event ticked by, he became more and more agitated until, unable to stand it a moment longer, he’d rush out of the building and sprint down the street so he could nab himself the best view.
Such was his enthusiasm that he was often to be heard complaining to executioners if they finished off their victims too quickly - no leg pulling for George .
There were unsavoury rumours about his visits to undertakers and what he got up to with the bodies but nothing, so far, has been proved .
By the summer of 1757 he’s an aficionado of death, a gourmet of suffering and standing in the Place de Grève waiting for the big event to start, Selwyn is in a froth of anticipation.
His prominent place had been assured when the French heard how far he had been prepared to travel to witness Damiens unpleasant demise.
Breathing heavily, he wants to get even closer; they’re going to pull a man apart with horses after all.
As he jostles a few more bystanders aside, someone asks if he is going to perform the grisly deed himself "No monsieur” he replies sadly “I have not that honour”.
As he is led from his cell, Damiens proves that whilst he is a lousy assassin he is a master of understatement "La journée sera rude" he tells his captors, “The day will be hard”.
For Selwyn the day is a triumph.
First Damien’s knife wielding hand is burnt with hot wax, then the flesh of his legs, thigh and chest is torn with special pincers.
Next, the resulting wounds are filled with a mixture of molten lead and boiling oil.
Selwyn observes that while he does make some truly ear-splitting cries, Damiens never swears despite having a reputation for often using bad language.
Horses are then securely tied to each of his limbs and encouraged to pull as hard as they can.
When they fail to have any effect - apart from causing Damiens even more extreme discomfort - two more horses are added.
They prove equally as ineffectual; one even falls over with the strain.
Eventually the executioner uses a knife to cut Damiens limbs loose at the joints, so the exhausted horses can finally pull them away.
Selwyn hears people say that Damiens is still vaguely alive when they throw his torso onto the fire but, much to his annoyance, he can’t be sure.
Looking down on Damiens protracted demise legendary ladies’ man Giacomo Casanova has an even better view.
He’s hired a room overlooking the execution site which he is sharing with a male friend and two ladies.
The ladies are leaning out of the window to watch the show, with the gentleman standing behind them.
Casanovas friend takes the opportunity to lift his companion’s skirts and enjoy her from behind - a pious woman, she allows him her favours without complaint.
Casanova generously turns his head away so she will not feel embarrassed at having been observed in such an intimate position - It seems Selwyn isn’t the only one aroused by the sight of suffering.
After four hours it’s all over and what’s left of Damiens is nothing but ash, George Selwyn returns to England and continues with his unambitious political career
In 44 years he never once makes a speech in the House of Commons.
He also continues with his morbid “Private Interests.”
His epitaph will be written by his friend Lord Holland who, as he lay on his deathbed in 1771 was told by a servant that Selwyn had come to visit
“If I am alive I will be delighted to see him” he replies “and if I am dead he would like to see me.
Selwyn was most definitely more than a bit of a weirdo, but his bizarre obsessions aside he is written about by his contemporaries almost universally as being a gentle, kind individual, who elicited more than a little sympathy.
He was not alone in liking public executions.
In fact he was part of a small but dedicated group of aristocratic men and women who treated them like some kind of public entertainment – which I suppose in a sense they were – but they really made a day of it.
This enthusiasm was useful for a woman named Mrs proctor who happened to own a field near to where the Tyburn gallows were set up and – for a price – could guarantee wealthy audiences a good seat.
She was said to have made more than 500 quid when Earl Ferris was hanged in 1760 and some of that cash undoubtedly came from Selwyn.
As a side note – so popular were public executions that in the scrum to get a good look at Eral Ferris chocking his life away, a young boy was trampled to death by a horse and a girl was accidently strangled by the ribbons of her own bonnet.
Selwyn hated to miss an event like this and when he was unavoidably detained abroad in the 1740s and could not attend a juicy one, he asked his friend Horace Walpole to go in his place.
Walpole was tasked with writing a detailed description of all that he saw so Selwyn could enjoy in vicariously when he got back to London.
He also asked another friend called Dr Warner to pop into the Shakespeare Tavern to have a look at the murdered body of a women called Martha Reay which had been laid out there. Aagin the favour was writing down his observations as Selwyn could not attend himself.
Dr Warner, denied that Selwyn was a necrophiliac but in the words of another scandalous individual “ He would wouldn’t he”
Another pastime of the wealthy and fashionable – particularly the more literary minded seems to have been writing wanted ads for young girls newly arrived in London which would actually lead to them working in one of the city’s high-class brothels.
It was considered – thrilling- to entice the virginal and virtuous to a life of vice.
A procuress and madam named Charlotte Hayes is said to have commissioned Selwyn to use his command of the English language to write the following, which if you read between the lines probably gave them a right laugh.
Wanted: a young woman, under twenty who has had the small- pox, and has not been long in town, as a maid-servant of all work, in a genteel family.
She must turn her hand to everything, as it is proposed putting her under a Man-cook of skill and eminence.
She must get up small things, and even large ones occasion- ally, understanding clear-starching without clapping, and know something of pastry, at least to make standing crust; and also preserving fruit.
Good wages and proper encouragement will be given, if she proves handy, and can easily conceive, according to the instructions given her.
Selwyns friendship with William Douglas, Earl of March – who would later find fame as geriatric Lothario ‘Old Q’ – was talked about in a previous episode.
Douglas paid off Selwyn’s almost constant gambling debts and regarded him as his one true friend.
They were alike in many ways, both being part of a fast young fashionable set who frequented the gambling clubs and bordellos of St James
Selwyn was certainly one of the crowd who attended the Hell Fire clubs meetings / orgies at the caves in Medmenham but its doubtful if he had the energy or inclination to have much fun.
His lack of interest in women has led many to believe that he was gay but repressed his desires.
He was certainly offended by all the jokes going around about his lack of virility, but he didn’t have the ability to prove anyone wrong.
He seems to have wanted to be a father – as he did not get a lot of love as a child but found the idea of sex with women repellent, so it was hardly likely to happen.
When his friend and experienced rake William Douglas got one of his mistresses pregnant – an Italian adventuress named Costanza Fagniani - he knew it was only a matter of time before she came after him looking for paternity money.
Douglas – who was too old a hand to caught out like this - started spreading the rumour that Selwyn was the baby’s father and despite all of fashionable London laughing itself silly at the idea, Selwyn played along with it.
He used his own money to support the child – named Mie Mie – and when he died, he left her a substantial part of his fortune.
Lucky Mie Mie was also left a load of her real fathers money too.
That Selwyn was lazy, entitled and a sexual deviant it should come as no surprise to learn that he had a long career as a member of the English parliament. His lack of doing anything at all in the role despite serving for over 40 years is strangely impressive
He also served as mayor of Gloucester – twice
Selwyn died in 1791 – after many years of being fascinated by his own declining health.
For a man obsessed with death it must have been a great disappointment to him that he was not around to witness it.
Next time on Rogues Gallery Uncovered
Drunk in charge of an enormous penis
Enjoy a ra ra rascally night out on the vodka in Moscow with everyone’s favourite mad indestructible – and well endowed monk …
Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin
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I always love hearing from you and while my replies have been a bit tardy while I was away sunning myself, I always get back to anyone who gets in touch.
That’s it for now, more rogues in a fortnight.
Have a great time until then, stay roguish and ill see you yesterday.
