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The Truth About Addiction
Dr. Samantha Harte is a physical therapist, best selling author, performing artist and sober mom of two. She is here to tell the truth about her life, which requires telling the truth about her addiction: how it presents, how it manifests, and how it shows up again and again in her recovery. This podcast is one giant deep dive into the truth about ALL TYPES OF addiction (and living sober) to dispel the myths, expose the truths, and create a community experience of worthiness, understanding and compassion.
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The Truth About Addiction
Exploring Spiritual Awakening and Personal Fulfillment with Tyler Bassetti
Reflecting on personal transformation and resilience, we delve into the metaphorical significance of Achilles and the enlightening experiences with ayahuasca and psychedelics. These moments were pivotal in guiding critical life decisions and underscoring the importance of intuition. The discussion highlights how endurance and patience are vital in navigating the overwhelming information age while staying true to oneself. This chapter serves as a reminder of how life's toughest moments can lead to the most significant personal growth.
We also tackle the complex dynamics of self-worth, boundaries, and family relationships. The emotional toll of being a "professional people pleaser" and the impact of childhood trauma are explored in depth. By examining the journey toward self-acceptance and the need to move past blame and shame, this episode uncovers the importance of empathy, unconditional love, and taking responsibility for our lives. Touching on themes of spiritual awakening and the modern paradox of abundance, we offer valuable insights for anyone seeking personal growth and fulfillment. Join us for an episode rich with lessons on health, wealth, mindset, and the intricate dance of human relationships.
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Welcome back everybody to the Truth About Addiction. Today I have a special guest on the podcast whose podcast I went on recently, and it's a provocative conversation, so buckle your seatbelt, maybe some trigger warnings, but I think in a good way, because he and I talk about some hot ticket items that nowadays most people have trouble talking about without yelling at each other. Tyler Bassetti is a serial entrepreneur and investor. Entrepreneur and investor, he's been successful in building businesses, coaching thousands of clients and hosting a top performing podcast called All for Nothing. Growing up in a small town, he was determined to transcend his origins. He believes most people live, work hard and die with nothing to show for it. His goal is to help as many people as possible change their circumstances, run their own race and design the life of their dreams. Stick around.
Speaker 2:It's a great conversation and tell me where you bleed and I will listen. I can listen. Oh, I will listen to you.
Speaker 1:Welcome back everybody to the Truth About Addiction. I have a really special guest whose podcast I was recently on Tyler Bassetti. This man wears many, many hats. This man has a fascinating perspective on all kinds of things health, wealth, mindset, addictive tendencies and in the spirit of widening the lens on how we see addiction as absolutely way more than a substance abuse issue and so much deeper than just getting into the mess of the message to give us his perspective, which is really fresh, it's controversial, it might trigger you. If it does good, that's shining a light on something inside of you that you probably need to excavate. Tyler Vissetti, thank you for joining me today.
Speaker 4:Thank you for having me on the show and congrats for getting this show relaunched and getting the momentum back. It's a lot of people have podcast shows but most people stop and I think this is a true testament to what you've been doing over the years, as we've gotten to know each other more and you working your ass off behind the scenes as a wife and as a mom and releasing your book Amazon bestseller. So little plug there. Go buy the book.
Speaker 4:But, it's cool, I like it and I respect people that, no matter who they are, where they're from or whatever their financial situation or their overall situation. I always respect people that are entrepreneurs that are trying to turn ideas into actual things, whether it's something like a podcast show or whatever. Fill in the blank, it's easier said than done. So much respect. I'm excited to chat with you.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Same to you, and I would love for the listener to just learn a little bit more about you and your introduction to the health and wellness space where it started, and then take us through how it has evolved.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'll start with my podcast show name All For Nothing. I believe most people go day in and day out doing all these things and have nothing to show for it, and I actually think that's a big reason why people have addiction problems, substance abuse, mental health, all these things that we see as headlines these days and that we're all really starting to have a lot of self-awareness around it. I grew up in small town Ohio and I lost my father when I was eight years old and I was a victim, right, and and you know, uh, probably some valid reasons as to why I was a victim God, why would this happen to me? And blah, blah, blah, but it made me, as I reflect on it, I'm 30 years old, right, my father died when I was eight years old in a tragic house fire. I I was a victim and I was, I was comfortable, I would cope with food.
Speaker 4:I was the fat kid growing up and coming where I come from, small town Ohio. Sports are everything, and my family was pretty good at sports except me, right, except me. I was good, but I wasn't great, right. So there was always this weird, whether it was real or whether it was made up in my head, these pressures right Of having to be perfect, right, and I fell in love with running. I fell in love with running. I was a freshman in high school and you remember those like infomercial commercials with P90X.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 4:You remember that I was actually up trying to watch the girls gone wild but unfortunately the P90X kept showing up. God's like, you're a fat ass, you need to get in shape. And I just remember watching those and it was like guarantee abs in 90 days and I was like I'm going to start doing P90X, I'm going to get in shape. And and uh, I was like I'm going to start doing P90X, I'm going to get in shape. And I committed to it. So I like to claim that I was the first like OG.
Speaker 4:Uh, I had a. I had my friend in high school. I would pay him a dollar a day. He created a fan page on Facebook of me doing P90X for a system of accountability and I would text them uh, hey, them, hey, I just did my workout. And one thing led to another, where I joined the cross country team. I ran track and I went from the fat victim kid to, you know, like a David Goggins savage. I was running ultra marathons right out of high school and I loved it because it was all on me. There was no coach to blame, no family member to blame.
Speaker 4:When it comes to running. It allowed me to push myself mentally, physically, without any variables. If there was anything that went wrong, it was on me, it was on me, it was my responsibility, and so I share that, because that's really what I embody. Is endurance right? I embody that. Okay, how can I do things in terms of it's either 100% my fault or maybe it's not, but it's always 100% my responsibility.
Speaker 4:So that's really where I kind of built my mindset around endurance one day at a time, one mile at a time, one right decision at a time, and led me getting in the mortgage industry, ended up leaving the mortgage industry and building some previous ventures to what I'm doing now is building the podcast show and some other ventures on the side as well. To where I just don't want to do this all for nothing. I don't want to be a part of those statistics that people, when they die or they retire, they have nothing to show for it. They work their whole life, save this money in shitty retirement accounts to just pay for medical bills, or 80 plus percent of the time it returns back to poverty within the second generation if you actually do build some wealth. So for me, it's this big idea of how can Tyler Bosetti ensure that I do not do this all for nothing? And by being selfish I can be selfless.
Speaker 1:Wow, okay, I want to know, because I also I've had so many bottoms in my story, right, moments of reckoning where there was a choice, because I was woken up from the way I was behaving and living and thinking that I could live differently. So I'm just wondering was there a moment in time that you can recall and describe to the listener where you were sick and tired of being sick and tired, where you were like I keep playing this role of poor me, poor me, poor me, and I will not do it anymore? And here's how I'm going to pivot, because your mindset really shifted. And then the thing is, when you, when you make the shift and you practice something new or you fall in love with something that chips away at those insecurities or that old mindset, you begin to accumulate small wins, evidence that there is a better way forward, a totally different way to think and live and feel. But until you have that stack of evidence, you're kind of in a leap of faith in that moment. So what was that pivotal moment?
Speaker 4:Oh man, I've had many of them. Oh man, I've had many of them. And whether it was my dad passing when I was a kid, whether it, for those that do not know, back in Greek mythology, Achilles was the conqueror, Achilles was the warrior that came in and conquered your tribe and boom gets hit with an arrow. And it's Achilles. And it's arguably the most vulnerable part of a human body, right, and the strongest tendon. It's connected to everything. If you don't have your Achilles, you pretty much are worthless to an extent as far as the physical nature of things. So, about a year and a half ago tore my Achilles and it was the ultimate position of vulnerability to where things had to change right. And again, there's been many moments in my life of making those decisions, but there were a lot of signs along the way. I am a professional people pleaser where I want and I empathize with people, but there has to be boundaries and what I say by being a professional people pleaser and there being signs.
Speaker 4:I was doing my third ayahuasca ceremony and I just had a lot of these thoughts and feelings, that a lot of the things I was doing and building with previous partners that had my absolute interest not at heart. Greedy motherfuckers that were doing so much shit behind my back Can't talk about that right now. To where I subconsciously knew something didn't feel right. Something didn't feel right and look, if you're going to complain about it, then do something about it. And I just no. I'm a team player, I'm a good business partner, but there were signs along the way whether it was the way they would communicate to me, whether it was just how they would communicate in team meetings, how it would be well, I'm doing this instead of we in team.
Speaker 4:So, to not get off topic with that, I was working with ayahuasca and psychedelics and I just had this like gut feeling, that intuition, that innate intelligence, to where things had to change and I didn't. I didn't until god's like. All right, dude, you want to be achilles. You want to just keep this fucking burden on your shoulders where you don't have to. You've already made all these fucking difficult decisions in your life to drop out of college, go into the mortgage, to go build these other things. Why are you being so silly where you can't part ways with these people?
Speaker 4:that are not your quote, unquote brothers, not your business partners. They're the fucking enemy. And boom tore my Achilles and I knew right there, right then, when pushed, I broke, my body broke. It was the sign right Our body keeps the score. And so in the last year and a half, uh, it's been a fucking journey, rebuilding certain things back up, keeping my reputation intact, because a lot of people, a lot of people, as you know, we have no problem talking about our scars because we overcame it, but I got some open wounds. Right now that I'm overcoming and don't need to talk too much about it, it's more of I know who I am, I know what I'm about and just give it some time. Just give it some time.
Speaker 4:We live in an information age where we have three, four, five, 10 times more information coming in our brain than any other documented human civilization ever. And so we think, right here, right now, and it's like whoa, back up, dude, use that to your advantage, use your endurance to your advantage. Not many people in the world are ever going to say they ran a hundred miles. You can, because you can fucking endure it. So, just one day at a time, one day at a time, and like investing and like business, it will compound.
Speaker 4:So, going on a tangent, I get excited, I'm passionate, but I think a lot of people need to potentially hear that I know that's the season of life that I'm in right now is there is a lot out there. There's so many podcasts to listen to, there's so many uh people that are quote unquote, crushing it and seven figures and eight figures, and they're personal development junkies to an extent Right, and it's like why are you doing this? Do you actually really want to be doing this, or would you actually prefer to maybe not post as much and just do your thing and be around the people you want to be with? So that's what I've learned a lot in my journey is I know how to make a lot of money right. I found God, and if you don't have health, wealth and something that you believe in, you won't be fulfilled. You won't be a complete circle. You'll be doing it all for nothing. I really do believe that.
Speaker 1:I'm so curious if you have insight into why you became quote unquote a professional people pleaser. And I asked that because I, as a recovering one myself, fully believe that that is its own emotional cycle of addiction. And I also believe that, in my case anyway, I learned to do that as a really young girl because it kept me safe in my house. The trouble with those things is often the things that keep us safe as kids in close proximity to our caregivers, feeling loved and accepted by our mom and dad, hurt us as adults.
Speaker 1:And then we keep doing this shit that is literally harming us, as you said, where our bodies are keeping score, whispering to us and then eventually, like your Achilles tendon, shouting, screaming to put a stop to it. And we're either going to listen in and pay attention or we're not. We're either going to get woken up out of this dream state of subconsciously operating in these old patterns, or we're not, or we're going to do it all for nothing. We're going to get to the end of our lives and go. What the fuck have I been doing here? So you know you don't just become that way from nothing. So where do you think that came from? And as your innate intelligence was whispering to you. Why were you able to turn away from it until you were finally taken to your knees by the rip of the Achilles, that final straw.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so immediately, what comes to mind you would know probably more about this than me, but like what? 99% or a hundred percent of our quote unquote problems is trauma from our childhood, because fucking blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right, so something in there, some, somewhere there's probably 1900 examples that I can think of when I take a shit shower shave, like oh, that happened to me when I fucking no one cares. But the point I'm getting at is what I've reflected on is we all want love. We all want unconditional love, right, we all want. When we open the door, our dog is wagging the tail, whether we just murdered somebody or whether we just gave food and money to a homeless person, we all want that love, no matter how good or bad our decisions are, we all want love, we all want accepted, and so for me it's likely just that to where I would here's the key I would go against my values and beliefs in a situation where I would go over the boundary line to fulfill whatever that may be for somebody else. And I'll give you a very, very, very, very, very simple but yet applicable example is you can maybe put in quotes a former friend of mine or a current acquaintance, a former friend of mine or a current acquaintance, however you want to look at it, I would pay them for their services, right, and he would reach out to me for specific information. You know he's doing more of a service of uh, hey, you come in, I do this, you pay me. Let me actually preface this a little better so it doesn't sound so fucking weird. He was my barber. I come in, hey, I pay you premium, I pay you. Well, I refer people to where. Oh, I know how to help people get business funding, because that's the number one reason why businesses usually fail is lack of cash or investments, right, understanding how to buy real estate, digital assets like crypto. So he was always reaching out to me for quote unquote consulting.
Speaker 4:What I've discovered is, when you go buy a product right, or a quote unquote service, you're like, oh, I'm paying a hundred dollars for a haircut. It's measurable. But if you're reaching out to me at 10 pm about what crypto you should buy and I give you some feedback not financial advice, but just my personal opinion that might make you $100,000 plus. If I teach you some things about credit, that might be the difference of you saving and making millions of dollars more for you to save on interest buy a home, refinance your car, get investment properties. Home refinance your car, get investment properties.
Speaker 4:And so a very, very, very simple example would be hey, we're friends, but yet I come in to pay for your service and my wife and I are hanging out at 10 PM. I'm doing her an injustice by not putting the line in the sand and or going across that line instead of saying hey, bro, we'd love to help you with this. Here's a, here's a link to book a call and here's an invoice. So then I don't start to uh, hate you, right, and we don't start making assumptions or just having a very simple agreement Like, hey, refer me three people, right, and it's Whoa. No, I want him to, you know, still be able to get me on the calendar when I text him for the haircut. And he did connect me with these other people. And so when I started going against those values and beliefs and taking away from the value that I know and have 100% confidence in sending that invoice, then what's the problem? To then, oh, when I send the invoice, you try to give me the runaround Okay, no worries, if you don't see the value, I already know it. I've already. I already have results in doing these things. No problem, no problem, bro, have a good night.
Speaker 4:So I say that because, when it comes to being a people pleaser, we want love and we want to be valued. So when it comes to business or life and a relationship any type of relationship there has to be a value exchange. Any type of relationship, there has to be a value exchange. Right, and depending on life and circumstances, hey, one side might be pouring way more into it than the other, right, but all in all, it's like we usually will. Oh, she wants to order pizza, but I'm going to die.
Speaker 4:And you people, please, instead of coming to some type of agreement that you can hold each other accountable to, most importantly, hold yourself accountable to. But well, what if my business partner doesn't think I'm valuable, if I don't want to take the call at 10 pm, fuck them, or maybe? No, that is the value, and you do need to take the call at 10 pm. Create a system of accountability to. When there's a value exchange, there's deliverables that are met. When there's a value exchange, there's deliverables that are met, so there's a mutual value exchange and and there's not the internal thoughts of, oh well, I can. And then you start hating each other.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, okay. So here's what's. Here's what's so cool about this conversation, right? Because not that I'm interested in spending time in the pit of despair and we're going to get into that in a moment about how the health and wellness space perhaps has gone too far into that space where it's all about drama and trauma, including 12-step programs, which, by the way, if you go to really good meetings, you hear really good speakers. It's very solution-based. So, like anything else that exists, you could have really bad practitioners really good ones, really bad spiritual gurus really good ones, problem-oriented people, solution-oriented people. So we're going to get into that, right.
Speaker 1:My experience is that my people-pleasing stuff garnered me a sense of worthiness from the earliest age, right? So the tricky thing for me as an adult and it continues to be tricky, but I'm now very much on the other side of being able to establish and maintain boundaries and I'm getting really good at practicing that. But I'm a grown ass woman and it's taken me a long time because without people pleasing, I didn't have a sturdy sense of worthiness inside. I didn't exactly know who I was, because I derived a lot of value from being the giver and I was accumulating a ton of resentment along the way by giving way too much and getting nothing back. How to be anything else? Because then I was nothing and no one Right.
Speaker 1:And so in this recent case for you, as has been the case for me, except that mine just looked different I had a a quote, unquote friendship breakup where I was being hyper codependent in the friendship and I thought it was a friendship that was going to last forever, ever, ever. And then she started pulling away and pulling away and I was begging for breadcrumbs and it was really pathetic and sad and she blew up at me, had all this resentment. I had no idea she was feeling any of these things and I and that was my Achilles tear. That was the rupture in that friendship where I was like I have been doing this thing forever, where the through line of my life, in my people, pleasing and codependent relationships has been if I love you hard enough, maybe you won't leave me, because that's been the story of my life, especially with women. My mother has left me emotionally a thousand times because she's mentally ill. She's currently mentally ill. She's like being in the presence of a ghost. I have no real access to her. My sister is literally dead. She literally left this earth and for two decades before she died, she was a shell of herself, right?
Speaker 1:So I've been chasing down this desire to be loved by a woman, but I had to be taken to my knees as a grown ass woman, a mother of two kids. To be like this is what you're doing to derive worthiness. And what I discovered is that, instead of trying to control the narrative of my life by making these people love me enough which is really just me trying to rewrite the script of my childhood and of my sister passing it's me trying to control something I can't control. Instead of me doing that, what I realized I had to do was grieve a little bit for what I didn't get, that I deserve, and then move forward knowing that I deserve so much more than fucking breadcrumbs.
Speaker 1:So I just I want to bring that up because it's not to be like well, poor me, but it's legitimately the root of the heartache, and if I don't recognize that, I'll keep fucking repeating it and end up in this like everybody's, like stepping over my boundaries and everybody's taking advantage of me, and you have to, in a way, bottom out to be like Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1:What am I fucking doing? And is there a world that exists where I am actually worth more than this bullshit and you have to then move forward in the direction of whatever that might look like and start to get some wins? Like sending the invoice and somebody going, fuck, yes, I'll pay you so that you're like shit, I'm totally worth this much money and look what I did for free for so long Can you believe? I used to be that person. But getting to the other side requires so much stuff, so much awareness, pain in the beginning that hopefully you repurpose and turn into something powerful Right. So I just want to bring that up because, like what do you think when I say all that?
Speaker 4:A few things come to mind, like communication. Communication usually solves all problems. There's a couple of ways to communicate. Right, this is how 99% of people communicate, which is passively. They don't say anything. That's exactly what I was doing. If he's calling you at 10 PM or your friend is pulling away, then say something, which is assertiveness. It's saying, hey, did I do something wrong here? I feel this, this and this, and look, seasons of life, whatever. Just being assertive and proactive in that communication, whatever like just being assertive and proactive in that communication. And then the third way, which can go either way, passively or assertive, is no communication, because no communication, a cold shoulder is saying a lot sometimes, right, and so now, when I say a cold shoulder, sometimes people will not say anything, and it's technically, it's technically passive, instead of not saying something like yeah, you got the fucking message, I don't need to say anything, watch my actions, right. So that's what comes to mind when you say that and this whole topic of what we're talking about.
Speaker 4:And the second thing I've discovered is I'm not other than our crazy dog. I'm not a father, I don't have kids, but that's where it all originates from. Oh, my parents and my trauma around my parents and my family, and and we just spend all of our time reflecting, like you said, the script and trying to rewrite the code to the matrix. And it's like what I've discovered if my mom calls me, oh of course you're calling me, you're trying to bug me and blah blah. If she doesn't call me, oh, you don't care about me. And so here's what I've discovered Kids were never satisfied.
Speaker 4:We're never satisfied. Our parents did this wrong and they did that. We're never satisfied, and that's how it is. But guess what? Unconditional love, like God, like a dog and like a parent you go. Yeah, my kid's a fucking shithead. I still love him and I don't need him to him or her or they or whatever the fuck you are these days. I don't need them to feel some type of way, because I will love them, no matter fucking what, because I will love them no matter fucking what. Right, and that's it. That's what I've discovered is, oh, I really like how my mom raised me here and I didn't really like this. So, instead of shaming her, instead of well which is how I spend a majority of my life with those thoughts and instead of empathizing dude, I don't know what it was like for her to grow up with her dad being a vietnam vet and in this circumstance, and losing the fucking father to her kids and then getting remarried like I am like damn, if you ask me, she did a hell of a fucking job.
Speaker 4:So those other things, whatever they may be because if there's anything I've discovered, it changes every other day because kids are never satisfied I just go, oh well, these I would maybe not do that, I would maybe do this, but I'm not going to shame her or I'm going to do my best to not do that, because that's not the place it does. It does nothing. It does nothing. You saw fucking nothing.
Speaker 4:So you complaining about your parents and your upbringing me doing the same thing or anyone else? It solves nothing. It solves nothing, especially if you have kids, especially if you're trying to rewrite the script and rewrite the matrix and literally rewrite your DNA moving forward. You just go well, that's what I'm going to do and that's not what I'm going to do for my kids, for my seed, for the next generation, not what I'm going to do for my kids, for my seed, for the next generation.
Speaker 4:So that's what comes to mind is number one communication. It's cliche shit, but it's real and it works. It's simple. Our brain likes to complicate things. If we don't have a problem, we like to create them, and that's why I bring up war a couple of times. It's like what we see, I think, now in modern civilization is dude. I can click a button and have whatever I want at my doorstep. I can talk to whoever I want in the world through a Zoom, through social media. We have so much right, and it's the great paradox of life is abundance is amazing and it's horrible at the same time. It's a great paradox of things. Losing my father was horrible, but it was also amazing. Right, it's the great paradox. It's it's pros and cons, it's the yin and the yang, it's good and bad, you know, and so that's that's my rant about what comes to mind in that time.
Speaker 1:I love that and I want to follow up with something, because this is what I'm hearing you say, and correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 4:Wrong.
Speaker 1:Why you got to be so controversial, Tyler.
Speaker 4:I'm trying to do my Trump impersonation.
Speaker 1:I love it. It was pretty good. You just need a little more hair and you need to poof it to the side.
Speaker 4:Poof it up, get an orange spray tan going.
Speaker 1:Exactly those used to be the thing, though the orange spray tans I mean, I grew up going to the Jersey Shore the wife beater and the orange spray tan was it people Donald Trump knew before the world knew? I also used to dance, by the way, side note pivot.
Speaker 4:I used to be a go-go dancer in oh wow, the taj mahal.
Speaker 1:oh wow, get to hang out after my sets in the vip section where donald trump hung out like it only known. You know he'd be the future president, so fucking funny. Anyway, guys, I had my clothes on when I go go dance, but there weren't that many of them, but I just wanted to paint that picture for you. I was not naked, okay.
Speaker 4:You're not the one that he had the locker room talk about, right, that wasn't you.
Speaker 1:Correct. Correct, that was not me. All right, that's good, but I digress. What I want to know is it sounds to me like you, you acknowledge that there is a time and place to recognize you know, when things were hard, why things kind of went down the way they did, why you got stuck in a bout of self-pity for a while when you were younger, before you found running. Why you got stuck in a bout of self-pity for a while when you were younger before you found running, why you got stuck in a bout of people pleasing, but that at some point you need to not just take responsibility for how you're living your life with whatever has happened to you, and that you need to accept some shitty things that have happened. There's an acceptance and a surrender right. But that also you feel maybe like people are spending too much time in the woe is me. So can we just talk about your perspective on being addicted to the drama and the trauma?
Speaker 4:It's. It's three things. Like I said health, wealth and spirituality. What you believe in God, religion, right, like those are the three things. In my opinion, we could argue to say that it all comes back to those three things. We're in pursuit of making more money and when we make more money, we'll be able to go get stem cells and be healthier, buy a cold plunge or get a personal trainer or eat healthier. But if you don't have something you believe in, in my opinion you're just never going to be fulfilled. So this is it's, it's my.
Speaker 4:In my opinion, what I've discovered in my personal journey is I will never, we'll hold up back up. There will be times where I will try to depend on something else other than me to fulfill those three buckets and the best times of my life in terms of happy, healthy and wealth and like, those moments of like dude, I'm going to, like things are good, we're on a roll. And then those other times where it's like man, it's not like I'm grinding, right now we're getting through with shit, right, like we're, we're pushing, we're pushing, we're in those wounds, right. Every single time, as I reflect on the ups and downs, every single time it's because I was co-depending on something else in one or all of those three categories. I was co-depending on a shitty business partner to help me fulfill the wealth bucket. I was codependent on something else to make me healthier. My quote unquote acquaintance to take me on an ayahuasca journey to be better mentally. It's like nah, dude, I need to go run 50 fucking miles. That's my meditation is fucking pounding that pavement and pushing through, and I don't need anyone's validation of whether that's cool or you're david goggins or not. It just I can't explain it. That's just what helps me. And so that's what I've discovered is, anytime I'm co-depending on anything or anyone in one or all of those three categories, I'm not fulfilled. And that is where I'd assume people that have substance abuse issues and addiction and any bad habits, it's because they're co-ependent on that thing to fulfill one or three of those buckets.
Speaker 4:So can you just switch it overnight? Sure, maybe everyone can, but it's a work in progress. It's one day at a time, it's one good decision at a time, right, and the devil will try to take over. In idle times, in between meetings, meetings, when you get 25 minutes, are you going to click and go down rabbit holes of porn? Are you going to pop a pill? Are you going to smoke a bowl? Are you going to drink? It's those idle times right, where it's you and your own thoughts, right. It's you and your own thoughts, right. Are you going to make the good decision to go? No, I don't. I don't need that thing or person or fill in the blank to fulfill one of these three buckets.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that segues into a perfect part of this conversation, which is that you clearly have a strong faith, right, and this is. This is perfect because you already heard my story right. It took me a really long time to find my faith, to find my footing, because I was so convinced that God was just a ridiculous concept for idiots and I ran like that and I had tons of success running like that until I didn't Right. And I think there's a ton of people, especially addicts, because the consequences are so high when you're putting substances in your body, especially nowadays. You know something could be laced with fentanyl and you're fucking done and you were just experimenting, right. So there are people who are running from whatever, who have these codependencies. As you said, they're trying to get this love outside of themselves to make them feel whole right.
Speaker 1:I want to normalize that for people for all the reasons that we're all doing that right. But the problem is, when you're putting substances in your body that can kill you and you don't have faith, you will often end up dead before you get to the place of reckoning where you go. I got to figure some kind of faith out that comes from inside of me, that's born from inside of me, that I can take with me wherever I go, no matter what. Even in my sleep it's there and I don't need anyone or anything to give it to me, and that becomes your life force, right. So for me, I'm thinking about my story. I'm thinking about the years that, first of all, I totally could have died and almost did, with zero faith, in a deep drug addiction Right. Then I'm thinking about the years in my recovery where I hated God, I had no connection to any kind of faith or higher power and really I think the only thing that kept me alive was the fact that my first sponsor had relapsed and died and I was so scared that if I touched it I was dead. And so I, those five years of my life where I was fucking miserable and in total loops of for me. Why me? I'm going to make you love me to be okay. I mean, I was the girl that you kind of can't stand right for five years, but the reason was because I was not ready to die, but I had no idea how to live. I did not hit the wall such that I was bleeding out and going. I better find a faith, or I cannot do this.
Speaker 1:So you sound like you have a really strong sense of faith and like it is, at least in your experience, a cornerstone of how you live and how you get out of whatever pit you're in right, the most recent one being this whole Achilles thing and the whole analogy you have of the way you were living. You know you hit that low point where you were literally stopped in your tracks. I mean, when you rupture your Achilles you cannot walk, you cannot do shit. You are stuck with the way you've been living and all the self-reflection, and you have a couple choices in that place. Right, you could feel super sorry for yourself. You could learn nothing. If you have a faith and a connection to a higher power, the world is your oyster, in a way, in terms of how you move forward and how you pivot. So how did you get the faith that you have? How do you suggest to the listener who was like me, who had zero faith, who was taught that to?
Speaker 4:have faith was dangerous. What does that person do? Well, I think it's extremely impressive that the average human can live to their mid eighties whatever that number is, because it changes every day and vaccines and all this crazy shit, depending on how many Alex Jones videos you watch. But the point is the fact that a human can live to 80 plus years old and 99.9% of them are doing a bunch of things they fucking hate is mind blowing to me. It is mind blowing.
Speaker 4:I feel bad and empathize for the person that is going to a job day in and day out, or building a business with somebody that is not in alignment or in a relationship that they're miserable and that's impressive. I empathize for the people. It's like wow, you're already dead. Most people die at 20, at 25, at 30. Most people die at 20, at 25, at 30. They spend 80% of their life working, accumulating, at least attempting to accumulate, this money, but yet majority of it and data shows it's spent towards medical bills, towards their funeral.
Speaker 4:That is what my message is all about is like man, how can I just be the spark in somebody else? I think we all have this burning desire in our gut of purpose, of passion, and the reason why I like to use the fire is because my dad died in a house fire, the first investment property that I purchased. Someone broke in and lit it on fire. So for me, any time I go against my faith and my values and my beliefs, it's like water getting dumped on my fire and I go no, no, no, I don't need anyone or anything. I don't need. It Doesn't mean I don't want it. It doesn't mean that I don't want friends, I don't want business partners, I don't want these other things. It's just I don't need it. And when you don't need it, you can operate from a place of peace of mind and your fire will keep you warm and others. Or if you cross the line and try to fuck with me, this fire will burn you, but you did it to yourself. And so, when it comes to faith, for me in particular, it was the ultimate ego.
Speaker 4:Lesson of at least what I've heard from people's journey is I mean, let's face it, most people that growing up they went to like Catholic school, they went to church. And your kids, who the fuck wants to go to church and Catholic school or mass when we're kids or in high school? No, like nobody. What do we do? We're like getting up and this guy's dumping water on me. He's jacking off kids in the back of the church, like that's what likely has happened. You know what I mean. People have this immediate trauma around it. I want to be home playing video games. I want to be outside with my friend. I get it Right and thankfully none of those things happened to me. But I remember going to church and I'm like what the fuck is going on? What is he saying? Vow shall blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There's like a negative experience. So what a perfect marketing plan wealth. What a perfect marketing plan for humans to take religion and go. Let's talk spirituality and yoga and all those things are phenomenal. I believe in all of like spirituality and crystals and yoga and meditate. Those are phenomenal.
Speaker 4:But at the end of the day, what I've discovered in writing my book and sharing my message and doing my personal development journey have people actually read the Bible or whatever they believe in? Dude, there is wisdom in there Any great idea I've came up with? Or another guru online or podcast. You Google it or type it in the chat GPT and you're like, oh, that's what Corinthians 1A, whatever, that's what they're saying too. It's just in a different language. It sounds a little confusing. And when you open a Bible it's boring. It's a lot going on. It's a cheesecake factory menu. You're like, what's going on here? But now there's so many good resources out there that you can actually learn the message. You can learn the parables, you can learn the analogies in there and you can learn the wisdom of thousands of years of of people going through life, writing stories and writing experiences for anything that you're battling.
Speaker 4:And for me, again, it was ego. It's that idea of like who's this pastor to tell me how to do that? He's cheating on his wife, you know, like this person's a priest that's touching kids, like all these crazy things you hear about, uh or oh, jesus walked on water. It's this idea that no man is bigger and better than me. It's this idea of being humble. I've had this idea of being humble, of thinking quote unquote less of yourself. Fuck that I ain't thinking less of myself. Oh, no, no, no, it's not thinking less of myself than people around me and who I'm trying to, you know? Uh, my competitors right, to be the biggest and the best. It's it's knowing that there's something bigger than me, right, and people can't. In my personal opinion, our ego doesn't want to accept that because we're the best right. But the big idea is that bigger thing than you is you right, like that gets into like a whole rabbit hole of the matrix and numbers and how everything's connected and how we can see God and how we're all one right.
Speaker 4:But for me, when it comes to faith, faith is your values and beliefs. It's like when people have a company faith is your values and beliefs. It's like when people have a company, they go honesty, you know, and like they create these sayings uh, which is phenomenal, but that's for me, that's what faith is. It's those values and beliefs. It's that thing that you can turn to when you know you might be making a bad decision and you go all right, I already did it, it's okay, forgive me for something bigger than me. There's something bigger than me. My purpose is bigger than me. Just make a good decision today, right, one hour at a time, one day at a time. That's what's been helpful for me.
Speaker 1:So then let me ask you something. Do you remember a moment anywhere along the way where you went from? What you say is an ego-based place where you just couldn't hear it. You're like, nah, no way, dude, you're not going to put my fire out. And something happened where you were like why am I looking at it that way? I'm only hearing this on the surface, as opposed to extracting the principle, the spiritual message inside of whatever this is saying that now I'm ready to hear and to live by, because you don't just make that switch right. Something happens where you go huh Again, you get woken up out of however. You were seeing something, and now you get to see it differently.
Speaker 4:Well, I think that we're going through what some people think is like this great awakening. Right, it's because I think I have a couple examples and things that I've reflected on over the years about this. Is you click on your phone Like we're, we're, we just all know this. We're getting flooded with information. Like our parents and our grandparents, they used to read a newspaper. Go to work, maybe watch the news, that's it. We're reading 1400 newspapers a day.
Speaker 4:Our brains are consuming information at a pace that's never been done, at least in my understanding, in human history, ever Meaning for most people, I think. What I'm seeing from afar, or people that I'm connecting with, they're like oh, it's not one experience or moment, it's kind of happening like over a couple of days, over a couple of months, and I think COVID is a great example where it's like whoosh, cut the noise out. And then people start going down these rabbit holes on social media, on TikTok and that doesn't feel right in this and that, and people are starting to get that information. What could have taken them until they were 60, 70, 80 in their deathbed of going? Oh, wow, there is something bigger than me. People, I think, are getting it now at 25, at 30. They're like ah, I got my health and I'm making some money because we can make money buying meme coins and trading stocks and selling courses but there's still something missing there. But this information is flooding to them so quickly that we're expediting that process, which I think is amazing.
Speaker 4:For me though to answer your question, it comes back to the Achilles. I'm laying in a blow up mattress in my basement and I knew shit was about to hit the fan. Personally, professionally, financially, I was not on like a bunch of painkillers, but maybe I don't know technically the painkiller I was on and I wasn't like high out of my mind, it was just what they basically quote unquote recommend that you take. Obviously, they give you like 60 fucking painkillers and I took maybe a couple of days worth, but I just came out of surgery. It was that night my sister gave me some of these gummies with THC and I thought she told me to take one of them and she's like, yeah, one will be good, and I like I want it to be real good, I want it to be like let's, let's go deep. But she told me to take a half of one, so naturally I took two and I'm laying there in a blow-up mattress and my wife is laying next to me.
Speaker 4:I'm down in the dump, just came out of surgery. Like it stinks. I'm not, I just tore my achilles. That sucks. I just signed up for an ultra marathon to get back into running and to dive back into it, but the real race actually began. The real endurance race began, and I remember dozing off on her shoulder to waking up, popping up and it was like borderline, like schizophrenia in a way, like thoughts going through my head and, oh my gosh, what is that? And that is probably the experience or the example I can give. I think it's been months and years of work to get to that place of oh.
Speaker 4:That was God talking to me during that 25 mile run. Oh, that's good versus bad, god versus the devil oh, that's okay. But that exact moment was, oh, oh boy, the ego tripping balls on, uh, on some companies, you know, and that's usually people's quote unquote bad experience, right? I'm not saying everyone has to do that, uh, but you get the point.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I.
Speaker 1:I think that's uh, I think that's a perfect place to end. I think we touched on so much today and it's fascinating to end with this idea of ego collapse, which I do believe has to happen again and again and again for real change to take place. And I also think, in my personal and professional experience, that sometimes the root of being stuck in ego and stuck in self and self-will is some really hard, painful shit that we might not even know is running our lives. So it's this wild combination of hopefully hitting rock bottom before you die and, when you do, having the bravery and the willingness and the consistency to go nope, I'm not going to do this thing called life all for nothing.
Speaker 4:Boom, my dog is agreeing. He is going nuts. Perfect time to wrap it up Really quick. Last thing being alone is okay and and not uh, like I think that's. I think that's really what I'm saying. Right is like you don't need anything from anyone.
Speaker 4:In my opinion, in my journey, I am fully fucking fulfilled when I have full control, and I think that's what every human wants when it comes to power and money and control. But when you can actually do that, that's when I think people are fulfilled. It doesn't mean that you can't want, but you're like, hey, I can do this, I'm comfortable with myself alone to do these things, right, but I want this and it makes it better. But a lot of people, they're lonely, right, and or they can do all those things.
Speaker 4:But it's okay to ask for help. That's one thing I've recognized in this journey. I'm a people pleaser. You put the fucking rock on my back. I'll carry that damn thing up the mountain. How long are we going? Let's double it. But that's what tore my Achilles is also not asking for help. I know I can do all these things bigger and better than everyone, or at least that's what my ego thinks right, or my confidence, however you want to frame it, but it's okay to ask for help, it's okay to lean on other people, right and so, uh, but don't be a bitch and don't be a victim. At the same time, you know when you're asking for help, uh, to make it better and more enjoyable, versus when you're being a bitch and being a victim.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's the perfect conclusion. Really, even though you and I have wildly different stories, we have different perspectives on things, but at the same time, this balance of power and what we mean by that. And so, to the listener, I think what we're both saying is finding, recognizing, harnessing and living from a place of real internal power, knowing when you don't have power over things outside of you and when you're trying to grasp for it, and how shitty life looks when you do that and when you live that way. And, at the same time, the part that asks for help is the part that's connected to something bigger than ourselves, whatever you want to call that God, faith, innate intelligence, intuition, higher power. So, when you're living in a space where you take all those actionable steps that you can control, that you do have power over, towards living the life of your dreams, and it is aligned with some sort of faith in something that's bigger than you that you cannot see necessarily. Game on baby, anything is possible.
Speaker 4:Well, I'm a white male in america, so anything's possible for me, uh I'm very aware of that as well you guys, you gotta go follow tyler.
Speaker 1:Tyler, please tell everybody where they can hear more of what comes out of your wild brain.
Speaker 4:Unfortunately, no OnlyFans account Damn, yeah. But the old Instagram Tyler Bossetti, t-y-l-e-r Bossetti, B-O-S-S-E-T-T-I my dog is still going crazy, but yeah, instagram TylerBossetticom on all social media platforms. If you want to connect would love to help where I can. But, yeah, I think what you're doing is amazing. Again, congrats on the book release and yeah, you put in a lot of behind the scenes work and investment as well time and money, and now it's time to pay off. So I'm excited for you. Go to your child's event. I know you got to get going, so I do to get going.
Speaker 1:So, uh, thank you so much, Tyler. We'll talk really soon.
Speaker 4:Peace Thank you. Peace Later.
Speaker 2:Bye.
Speaker 3:Waking up. I hear the desperation call. I turn my back and hit my head against the wall To meet a crucifix. To take me to my knees, Whipping my mistakes. To jump over the grief. Breaking the circuit, Making it worth it. Oh, Sick and tired of the voice inside my head Never good enough. It's leaving me for dead. But perfection's just a game Of make-believe. Hey Gotta break the pattern. Find a new reprieve. Breaking the circuit.
Speaker 2:Making it worth it. Oh, Hide and break to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I gotta live the life.
Speaker 3:I can be brave and afraid at the same time. Practice self-compassion, start to calm my mind, taking tiny steps to loving all of me. Trust the process, cause it's gonna set me free, breaking the circuit.
Speaker 2:Making it worth it. Oh, I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside I I got love, love life. Gotta gotta gotta break it or fake it till we make it. Gotta gotta gotta break it. Come on, one, two, three. I am ready to make a change. Come on, I got this life. I am ready to make a change. I am bigger than my pain. There's no deep inside. I got this life.