Pivotal People
Join us in conversations with inspiring people doing amazing things. Their insights and experiences help motivate all of us to find our purpose that fits with our abilities, gifts and life situation. Get a "behind the scenes" look at successful people making a difference in the world and benefit from their advice for the rest of us. Our guests include authors, artists, leaders, coaches, pastors, business people and speakers.
Pivotal People
Create a Life You Love: How to Quiet Outside Voices So You Can Finally Hear Your Own, with author Stephanie May Wilson
Listen in on a helpful and practical conversation with Stephanie May Wilson. She is an author, podcaster, and encourager of millions of listeners and website visitors, helping people make life decisions that fit their true hopes and desires, not necessarily the expectations of outside voices.
Did you know that 80% of life's most defining moments happen between the ages of 25 and 35? That's a lot of potential pressure--and Stephanie calls it the Everything Era. Stephanie's new book, "Create a Life You Love, How to Quiet Outside Voices So You Can Finally Hear Your Own" comes out April 30th. You can PRE-ORDER the book now and you can get a FREE chapter today. Go to https://stephaniemaywilson.com/create for more.
Through her books, courses, and podcast, she helps women take off the pressure of what they think their lives are supposed to look like by now — and then intentionally, confidently, and authentically build the life they actually want to live.
Get in touch with Stephanie:
https://stephaniemaywilson.com/
https://www.instagram.com/smaywilson/
Order Stephanie's new book Imagine More: Do What You Love, Discover Your Potential
Learn more at StephanieNelson.com
Follow us on Instagram @stephanie_nelson_cm
Follow us on Facebook at CouponMom
Well, I would like to welcome Stephanie Mae Wilson to the Pivotal People podcast. Great stuff to talk about today. She's written a new book. We're going to talk about it, but let me tell you I favor her because we share almost the same name. She's Stephanie Wilson, I'm Stephanie Nelson. Out of 15 letters, we have 13 in common that is like anyone named Stephanie.
Speaker 2:I'm like we're automatically friends. I have decided I'm sorry if that's awkward, but we're just going there.
Speaker 1:That's right, we even spell it the same way, so welcome. Let me tell you why Stephanie agreed to come on because she has a new book that's come out. I believe it's her seventh or eighth book. She's not a new author. She is an author, she's a podcaster and she's on a mission to be who she needed to be when she was younger, walking women through life's biggest decisions and transitions. So through her books, her podcasts, and she also has online courses she helps women take the pressure off of what their lives are supposed to look like and figure out where they actually want to go in life and all the steps to get there.
Speaker 1:So let me tell you, you know I love to read. I love to have authors on. I love books like this. I always read every single page before I have them on. I like to say Maya Angelou had a quote that said reading a person's book is like having a conversation with them. You get to know them and usually you don't get to talk to them. So you know, stephanie, I feel like we're friends. You don't know me at all, but I know you. The book is called Create a Life you Love. How to Quiet Outside Voices so you can finally hear your own Wow. And yes, it's an inspirational book. It's more than that, though. She actually has great processes for how to figure stuff out Really good processes. I am 60 years old. I wish I had read this book when I was 25. So everyone has to get it. Even if you're 60 years old, you want to get it for your kids and, by the way, I used her a little process for myself and it worked, so I think this applies to any age.
Speaker 2:Okay, stephanie, I am freaking out over here because so the book, as of this recording the book hasn't come out yet, and so you are one of a very small group of people who have read this book at this point, and so I'm like, oh, I'm so honored, it's seeing it in your hands is so special. It's like, really, we're really at the beginning of this, of this kind of book launch season, and so, getting so knowing that you have like read the whole thing, I'm like, oh my gosh, you know all of my best stories and, yes, they're good stories.
Speaker 1:I love your stories.
Speaker 2:Thank you, that is. That is absolutely like just the greatest gift. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, you're welcome. Thank you for letting me be one of the few people to read it, but I want to get into it. So one of the what got my attention is in the beginning of the book. You said that 80% of life's most defining decisions, most defining moments, happened between the age of 25 and 35. And I looked at my life. I'm like she's exactly right, that's exactly right.
Speaker 1:And the other piece is that you take this from a different angle. Your angle is not just trying to understand what you know God's plan for your life is, or or what your life could be, but giving people the authority and the agency to create the life that you really do want. Not the ones your parents want, not the one social media says you have to have, not the one you think God wants you to have, but really how to quiet outside voices. And what I love, too, is that it can change. Do not be afraid to say you know what I'm going to pivot and do something here. Let's talk about this. Another thing that grabbed me is life isn't a puzzle, it's a collage. Talk about that, Stephanie, because I so loved that concept.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, I think that we I love that, you that you read the quote about the 80% of life's biggest, like most defining, decisions happening in that window. And it was a study out of and you know what I'm I'm wishing I had notes in front of me. It's, it was the University of Michigan and the University of Boston. I believe I need to double check that. But they did like a rare study of like a really longitudinal study of people's lifespan development and asked people you know kind of I think the researchers were in their 60s or 70 or the research subjects were in their 60s or 70s and they asked them, like you know, when did these pivotal moments happen for you? And they found that the majority of them happened by their 35th birthday.
Speaker 2:And you know, for me, I know that when I graduated from college, there was sort of this wiggly kind of free-for-all time where it sort of felt like an Italian cooking class I know I say this in the book, it's like you know, there's a little too much wine and everyone's just kind of throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks, and that to me is our early 20s, but somewhere around 25, for me at least, and I think you know, statistically, when we look at you know the average age of marriage, when we look at the average age of you know how our earning potential increases and decreases throughout our lives. You know when we can have kids, when our fertility peaks, all of those things that it really so much. It's like the heat turns up at 25. All of a sudden, people are kind of starting to figure out what they're doing and you look around and go, oh my gosh, I'm supposed to figure this out too, and so it's.
Speaker 2:You know, I like to say 25 to 35-ish, because of course it's different for everybody, but it really is such a pivotal time and it's been the more that I find out about it and the more I dig into, like, the history of what this has looked like, for you know generations and generations past and the more I learn about you know how our brains are developing during this time. It's just I'm fascinated by it and I can't learn enough about it. And listen, I got so excited I totally forgot your question. So give us a chat, no, that was.
Speaker 1:The whole premise of the book is that let's be honest about how the decisions people are making in this perhaps 10-year time period really impacts the rest of their life. That is exciting. It's also probably really scary, and as I was reading your book, it was like, okay, so you are going to make these decisions, whether they're intentional or not. Yeah, like, do I get married or not? Well, you're going to do one or the other in that time period. So that's still a decision. Not making a decision is still making a decision. Right.
Speaker 1:But what I appreciated about not only your inspiration and your story, but also giving us the process. Here are the questions to ask. Here's how to set up a list of pros and cons. Here's how to give appropriate weighting to each factor in your life so you can actually do some math around it. It's logical. What I appreciated was taking out this element of the shoulds. You know, shooting all over yourself. And because I am 60, I've had lots and lots of conversations with friends who have kids. We have young adult people in our lives, our children, who are between 25 and 35. And I've learned so much from those conversations. I'll give you some quotes. And my favorite author, bob Goff. He says do not get in the way of God's plan for someone else's life.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good as a mother. That quote has just stuck with me. I had another friend who was upset because her son decided to change career paths. I mean like microscopically, but not even like not dramatic. He went from, you know, a white collar job in one field to a white collar job in another field. He didn't decide to go hike Mount Everest for three years and she was so upset she said this is not the man I raised him to be. And so I think you've got a spectrum of parents who mean well, but we don't realize the junk we're putting on our kids, who are not kids, they are adults. And so you know, as Bob Goff he's just kind of shown me, can we just love people better? It's not your job to change them, to control them.
Speaker 2:In fact, can we just watch and see who they become, because God has a plan that's probably a little better than mine by the way, it's so interesting because you know, we like, of course, of course, parents have the best intentions, you know, and it's really hard it's got to be really hard to watch your kids make decisions. And you're like I have something to add here, like I have 30 years of experience in this, or like I've made that mistake. Can I please weigh in? And of course we need that, we really need that. But there are some areas of life, and a lot of areas of our lives as individuals, where we're the only ones who have to live with the repercussions of our choices. Like you know, I think about buying a house. As a parent who has bought a house before, you know, you're walking your 20-something-year-old kid, you're walking through houses with them and going, ok, well, like there's, you know, a water leak there. Obviously Don't, you know, don't get this one. Or the foundation seems weird on this one. And some of those like, we need that insight. Please give us that insight.
Speaker 2:But there are things like, well, the kitchen's not big enough. Well, I don't like to cook, you know, and maybe that changes. But you can make a lot of great food in a really small kitchen. You know, I don't really care if the kitchen's that big or, you know, there's not really a backyard, well, ok, but it's in a city and I want to spend more time out in the city than I do, you know, wanting to landscape my own yard.
Speaker 2:And ultimately, there are so many decisions that we make in our lives when it comes to relationships, when it comes to even parenting our own kids, when it comes to money, when it comes to jobs, when it comes to just the way that we like our lifestyle, where there isn't actually a right or wrong answer. It's subjective and really the opinion that matters most is the person who's going to have to live with the decision. And so it's like, if I want a tiny kitchen, I'm the one who's going to have to cook in it or not cook in it, you know. But I get that. I get that it's got to be really hard to to to know when to weigh in and when to say listen, there's a foundational issue here, like don't buy this house or don't pay that much for this house, versus this is this is an opinion. My husband says this really great thing. In our marriage, he's the one who has a strong opinion about the right way to load a dishwasher.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, this goes on for years, honey.
Speaker 2:I'm like I don't care, I'm shoving everything in as long as it fits. I will get a little strategic if it's not going to fit, but like, if it's in, it's in who cares? And he had to learn over, you know, time to let it go. And what he says is don't moralize your preferences. Oh, I love that. It sounds so good. That's Carl Wilson, but I love that. Don't moralize your preferences.
Speaker 2:The truth is like, really, who cares how you load the dishwasher?
Speaker 2:And if you really care that much, then you are the one who loads the dishwasher.
Speaker 2:Bingo, yeah, that is now your job, but there's not really a right and a wrong way to do it, and that's true of a lot of things in our lives is there's not actually a right or wrong way to do it.
Speaker 2:And the trick in that, though, is that we need to make decisions about it, because, even though there's not a right and a wrong way to do a lot of these things, it still does have like really big repercussions in our quality of life, and so we need to be active participants in making the decisions, knowing that there's not one right way and wrong way to do it. That gives us some freedom to make the decisions we want to make. But then we're sort of sitting with this giant responsibility in our lap where we go okay, well, now I have to make the decision. How do I do that? And so I really tried in the book to be like okay, let's get really practical here, really small steps, and now being told that you can do whatever you want to do is really overwhelming. And so let's do this little by little, figure out what you want.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's a perfect book, because I actually read a book and Patch, it was talking about giving your graduation speech, or maybe actually this is David Brooks. David Brooks was talking about a college graduation speech and you know we do this in graduation speeches. The world is your oyster, you can do whatever you want to do, and we're telling this to 21 and 22 year olds in this generation who have had everything programmed for them out of safety and love. You know we started with the play dates at three years old. We didn't do that, we just went out and played in the traffic, then play dates and scheduled sports, and it's the way our world is now. I'm not criticizing it, but our young adults have had things structured and programmed for them. They have made some choices, but there was always an act. Now we're saying go, do whatever you want.
Speaker 1:So one of the things I loved about your book is that you really gave, as I said, practical strategies couple. That really stuck with me. One is okay your quote in terms of asking for help. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength and specifically, I love this. I wish I'd read this when I was 25. You talked about creating a cabinet, a cabinet of advisors. So, as you were talking about parents advising on the house, your parents could be one person in your cabinet, but and you talked about how do you select the people in your cabinet I'm going to let you share that instead of me repeating it, because if we walk away with nothing else, no matter what age we are, I think we all would benefit from having a trusted cabinet.
Speaker 2:I love that and you know I really wrestled with what to call it, you know, do we call it our home team? Do we call it our advisory board? Do we call it? You know what do we call it? And finally, I stumbled upon the definition on the White House website of what the presidential cabinet is, and I love that. It's people advising the president and they are the expert in their little field, and that means that he or she doesn't have to be, because they are and because you can't, like, no one person can know everything, and I love that. The idea of a cabinet normalizes that. Like, we cannot possibly know all the things, and so, therefore, let's gather a group of people around us who can advise us on these different things, because they are true experts.
Speaker 2:One of the things that I really try to look for in my cabinet is has this person gotten to where I want to go, like, how? What does this look like in their own life? And you know, with the example with parents, you know my in-laws had some really cool houses and have just this really cool, interesting you know, I don't know career, I guess, of buying and selling and renovating different houses, and so we bring them with us anytime we're going to make some sort of real estate decision. My own parents have lived in the same house since I was five years old. Bless it Like, please don't move.
Speaker 2:Mom and dad, I love our house. So they haven't experienced the buying and selling process as much as my in-laws have, or as recently as they have. So they might not be in my cabinet necessarily, for they might not hold that cabinet position as much as my in-laws would. It's looking at. You know, does this person have this track record in their own life? Is the way that they did it the way that I want to be able to emulate? Do they have the experience to be able to walk me through this?
Speaker 1:You're talking about shared values. Do they have shared values, do they? You know ethics, you know different kinds of things and even, like I'm thinking, my husband and I have like professional cabinet. We have an accountant we really trust, we have a financial person we really trust and you only need one that you really trust and I'll tell you, it has saved so much stress and anxiety over our lives because I don't have to listen to other voices.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. I don't remember if I shared this in the book now, but I am a new newish mom. I have three year old twins, which is crazy.
Speaker 1:It's a great story I so love that story, so it's so wild.
Speaker 2:So I'm a newish mom and when I was in the throes of new parenthood with these tiny little babies in the height of COVID so we're, like you know, stuck in our house trying to figure out how to keep us all alive, I was so overwhelmed. And my husband and I are both like major type A personalities, achievers, researchers, and we're up all night because we're feeding these babies around the clock. And so we're sitting there Googling like crazy people. And Google, having the knowledge of the world at your fingertips, is incredible, except for when you're sleep deprived and anxious already, and then it makes it so much worse. And so we're like are we going to screw them up? Why are they? Why are they spitting up? Why are they making that noise? What does this mean? Is it this swaddle or this swaddle? I mean we are just melting.
Speaker 2:And finally, I talked to my therapist, who is just incredible, and she said, stephanie, pick your gurus, pick your gurus. Pick two or three people or one person that you want to listen, to, vet them. Well, figure out who is doing this, the way that you respect and like, and going to sources that you trust and values, the same things that you do and listen to them and tune out everybody else, because it turned out that there are a lot of opinions about the way you should do everything, and specifically with babies, like one person will say this is the only way to do this and another person will say, if you do that, you're going to ruin them for life, and it's just so overwhelming. And so she said pick your gurus, pick one or two people that you really trust and want to listen, to listen to what they have to say and kind of tune the rest out.
Speaker 2:And that has been so helpful. And that's really what the cabinet is. And with the cabinet there are more positions than one or two, because no one in your life is going to have expertise Just like you don't in all the areas where you need help. Like, your financial advisor is probably not going to be the same person who's like the person who teaches you how to cook or host a party or I don't know, get through an argument with your husband or something like that. Everyone has their own kind of sphere, of zone of genius, and so it's gathering people who can help you with these different things in your life and really listening to them.
Speaker 1:And who love you. So that's. The other thing is that as you get older, stuff and you may find there are people who don't necessarily like you, or perhaps they don't like your life situation, I don't know what it is People have their own issues, but still have lots of advice and still have lots of opinions. So I think it's really important to remember that someone may be knowledgeable about something, but when it comes to personal life decisions not necessarily your finances or your accounting, but your person needs to be someone who really cares about you, who really wants the best for you, and we all know how to tell that, even if they're-.
Speaker 2:And then wants the best for you in a way that because some people will say I really want the best for you, but what they're saying is I want for you, like I know what best looks like for you, right, and so it's people who don't necessarily have a horse in the race, like that's also a really important quality and you don't need that in every one of your cabinet positions, but in some of them you do, right, I would say that decisions about family planning like maybe your parents are the most helpful people in that, because you're talking about their grandkids. They're going to be like now and lots and more and more and more keep going Like I'd love another one, please. They may not be the most objective voices in your life about do I want to be a parent and how many kids do I want to have, and when and stuff. You may need someone a little more disconnected. That's a good point.
Speaker 1:And so the other thing I thought well, and the other thing is, stephanie gives us permission not to be perfect. So we talked in the beginning about when you're making decisions. So many times, especially when you're younger, you're thinking this is a permanent, lifelong decision. If I screwed up, well, naturally you would be paralyzed, right. Instead of saying, you said you're not making perfect decisions, you're making decisions you can live with, decisions you can live with now. And I so love, and I would love for you to talk about this, I so love the humility and practicality of your decision to sell your house and, by the way, are you in Spain right now? I don't want to do a spoiler alert.
Speaker 2:No, not yet, so I'm going to talk about it. I'm dying to share this. No, I'm not in Spain yet. We are in a rental house. So we leave on July 5th, which also happens to be our 10-year anniversary, which I think is pretty poetic and beautiful.
Speaker 1:Well, tell us about this. Give us an example from your life of where you got to read the book. We're not going to tell you the whole book. Okay, you're going to have to buy this book April 30th that comes out. But what was helpful for me was you talked about fixed elements and variable elements, and so many times in our life we might think something is a fixed and you're organizing a whole life around that instead of saying wait a minute, who said it was fixed? Whose voice am I listening to here? Wait a minute, is it fixed for me or my husband? We're the only ones who matter here, and by making a change that most people wouldn't make, your life is going to look very different. So I'm going to be quiet and let you share that story.
Speaker 2:Okay, I have to tell you I have not shared this yet, like I haven't talked about it, so this is going to be like kind of brain dumpy, okay. So just bear with me.
Speaker 2:Hey, but we heard it here first on pivotal people Like seriously, also, I'm coming off of a cold from my toddler, so if you hear me sniffling that fly. Kids are so germy. How are they so germy? So it started when, you know, my husband and I have been trying to put together all these different pieces of our lives. We have been married for almost 10 years, we have each have our own businesses. You know, I'm an author and a podcaster and really the overarching thing is I have, like a media company and my husband does branding for just really cool companies around the world really, and so we have our own businesses and we, you know, had a little house and we, we put our life together in this way that we thought this is a great place to invite a baby into. You know, this house will be perfect, our job flexibility will be perfect, it'll all work out. And we thought, you know, maybe when we have another baby, like if we have two kids, we'll need to make a change, but like we're only going to have one to start out with. So we'll, that'll, that'll get us, you know, pretty far.
Speaker 2:And then we had twins and so, overnight, like the little nursery that we had set up, for what, really? What kind of one baby. Initially. I mean, we knew we were having twins early, but we're like one baby will fit in here. Great, we realized, okay, maybe two might be a little tight. And then actually putting two new little humans into our house, our house like exploded. It was. The whole thing was a nursery. We were, there was just baby bottles everywhere, and not only did our space kind of explode, but our time exploded. We thought we'll be able to work when they're sleeping, it'll be fine, and it turns out that is like not, that was not realistic.
Speaker 2:And so we got a couple months into trying to be humans in this little house with two businesses and trying to keep the businesses and ourselves and the babies and everybody alive. And it just we were like something needs to change. And so we thought, you know, this might be a good time to expand, like we need more help and we need more space. So the market was such at the time that it was a good time to buy a house, kind of unlike right now, and so we ended up buying a bigger house that we could be in for quite a while. It was like really our dream home. It really exciting to get to buy it. There was enough space for our businesses and our babies and us in it. And then we also hired some help because we're like we cannot do all of this on our own, like we need some extra hands, and so we hired like just the most wonderful nanny that has ever existed in the whole world.
Speaker 2:So we were trucking along fine for a while in this new house with help and we were all into the same roof. It was really great, except for the fact that it was like out of this world, expensive, and we kind of like it just sort of snuck up on us. We were able to make it work for a while, but then we realized, oh my gosh, like we are really having to work so hard to keep this life going. And oh my gosh, like this is really okay. We're having like, let's cut here, let's cut here to make this all work. And oh my gosh, like we've cut basically everything that isn't attached to the floor, like what's left.
Speaker 2:And so you mentioned fixed, fixed elements versus variables, and for us, dividing those out I think is one of the most helpful tools that I put in the book at least it is for me figuring out what needs to stay, what things are like no matter what, this is part of our life and what things are like, well, we can change that, that's, that's fine. I picture fixed elements being like a couch. Like a couch is a big investment and you sit on it a lot and you want it to be kind of neutral, so you don't have to like. It's just not something that most people can just swap in and out. A variable would be like your throw pillows. It still impacts the room and how it feels and your experience of it, but it's. It's not heavy or expensive or hard to store things like that.
Speaker 2:And so for us at the time we're like okay, well, our fixed elements are each other, our kids, you know, our family, our home, you know we just moved into our dream home and our work, we love our work. And then we basically threw everything else overboard, just everything. You know. We cut our lifestyle and just tried to like lighten our load a little bit, except for it just didn't help that much. And so then we started looking around, going I don't know. I honestly don't know if we can sustain this pace. What it's costing us to sustain this pace is robbing us of, like the joy and connection and togetherness that we wanted as a family. And so then we started to look at our fixed elements and I remember we're standing in the kitchen, we're looking at our budget and my husband goes step one, or both of us needs to get a different job.
Speaker 2:And for a lot of people, I think changing their job is a variable. I, you know, I work here, like. You know your friend's son like well, I work at this company. Well, it's not that big of a difference to go work at this company instead, and actually it might be freeing or might be a, you know, a pay bump or for a lot of us, our jobs are more of our. They like fund our life. They aren't our life.
Speaker 2:For me and Carl, you know, my work is the person in this situation that I've loved the longest. It's the baby that I've loved the longest I've. My work predates my husband, it predates any house we've lived in. It predates my kids. I love my work and it just would cost me so much to give it up. I just can't even imagine it. And then for my husband, he's been building this beautiful branding company and they do such cool work and they're working with such amazing clients and it really would be like building half a house and never getting to see it finished if he were to leave at this point. And so he's talking about like we need to go get some corporate jobs or something like we need to give up all our freedom, we need to give up all of our creativity, everything we've built to this point we got to give it up because the numbers don't work otherwise. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't imagine that.
Speaker 2:And then in that moment, kind of feeling desperate, I turned my focus to our other fixed element, which was our house, and I was like what if we sold our house? What if we gave up our house? And that was totally inconceivable. I mean, we had just gotten settled, like it's in a good school district, like we could be there for a long time. It makes no sense to give up this house, except for that started to really show up as the best option.
Speaker 2:So what we did was we didn't end up selling it, we ended up renting it out, which has been really cool, so we were able to keep it, but we're able to, you know, bring in some income from it. And we also learned that if you rent a house furnished, you can charge more for it. And so we left basically all of our stuff behind. We left our house basically as we had built it for ourselves and as we had. You know, all of our stuff is still there. We took the bare minimum and we rented a new house about 30 minutes north of the city. We're right near my in-laws, which is really, really special. So another family lives in my dream home right now. We live in a rental. We didn't bring our bed frame and so our mattress is just like on the floor. We're like sort of camping. It's kind of interesting and fun.
Speaker 2:But you know, as we started changing these things that we thought were fixed, that we thought had to be forever parts of our lives, we started going well, what else could we change? And that's when we I threw out an idea that I've been sitting on for like decades, that I kind of thought I was going to have to wait a lot longer to even be able to fully dream about and I said what if we moved to Spain? And Spain is just this hugely important part of my story. My faith, my creativity, like I mean, my heart is in Spain, and because we you have a whole book about it. That's the next book I'm going to read.
Speaker 2:I have a whole book about it, and Carl was like you know. We just threw out like something we thought was fixed. That turns out it's not. So. Maybe the country we live in isn't a fixed element, maybe that's a variable too. And so we kind of got to dreaming and got to planning. And so we are we're going to start with a year, see how that goes, but in four months, less than four months, at this point we are getting rid of all the rest of the stuff that we have and packing our babies and ourselves up and we are moving to Spain for at least a year, and I am so excited about it.
Speaker 1:I so love the story, so I am sitting here listening to you and I'm so thankful that you shared it in person, because I so love the story in your book and I just got to hear it and I don't know if listeners are hearing what I'm hearing, but this is what I'm hearing. You took the brave and bold step of saying what really matters in my life. The world will tell us, social media will tell us. I just read an article about people your age being so impacted, housewise, by what people are sharing on social media and how hard it is to keep up with the Joneses and this generation more than any other. But because of your process.
Speaker 1:Let's give these labels, let's use these terms fixed elements, variable elements. An element is the husband you love, the children you love, the marriage you have. That is an element. The career you love is not just because it's money making, it's because you're providing great value. How many lives have you touched with your faith because of your eight books? You will never know the sight of heaven. That is not something that a corporate job can replace. God has given you this. He has gifted you with this. How wonderful that you could keep it, and you can do it from Spain, and I'm sure your husband is doing just as many wonderful things for his clients.
Speaker 1:So when you look at fixed elements at your age, I have goosebumps. You have just put all the right things at the top of your list and it is so beautiful. And so, if we can learn this any age, I'm going to tell you what I did. So I did your little process because even you know I'm retired, my husband's retired. Let me tell you what there's a long list of shoulds when you're retired. Oh, I'm tired, you know I don't want to do all of them. And so guess what? I took off the list buying an RV and traveling around the country. I do not want to do that. Why do I have to do that? I want to stay home and take walks with my girlfriends and go to my church, yep.
Speaker 2:Yep, don't buy the RV, don't buy it, don't do it.
Speaker 1:Thank you for sharing that, and I think that, and then to add on the piece about Spain, how wonderful that you and your husband can do that, and if you had gotten those corporate jobs, you would not have been able to do that.
Speaker 2:So it's so cool that when you know, when you start examining your fixed elements like, do I need to live in this country, Do I need to live in this state, do I need to live in this house or in this neighborhood, or do I need to work at this job when we start to really examine these fixed elements, we can either decide, oh yeah, this is really important to me. Or we can decide, no, it's really not. And if it's not, then what else could it be Like? What else could this look like? And really they can be anything.
Speaker 2:If we had, if the house we were living in was like my childhood home or a house my grandfather had built, or down the street from my parents, or, you know, my best friend lived next door, or something, then I probably my equation would have looked different.
Speaker 2:Maybe I would have said you know we need to give up our jobs, or one of us needs. You know we need to each work part time or like. I mean, I don't know, I don't know the math. The math, if it all is so, is so complicated. What we decide is fixed is different for all of us. But we do need to decide because otherwise we're making decisions like we have to have kids, or we have to work a nine to five job, or we have to buy a house, or we have to own a car, or we have to live in a certain country or a certain state, and like those things aren't actually fixed. You get to decide and I think it's like tragedy might be a little strong, but kind of to live a life because you think you have to when really you don't have to.
Speaker 1:Oh, you talked in the book and I relate to this People who spend their entire lives 40 years, in a job they hate because they want to retire. And you know, oh, there's, oh, gosh, there's another quote of yours. Where did I write it? I'm going to paraphrase it. So, so many times we say, well, I have to wait for this to happen, I have to wait for that to happen. And Stephanie says stop waiting, really, and live in the meantime, because the meantime is where we spend most of our lives. Oh, you know, I'll do this awful job because you know I have to, and in the meantime, I'll do this job, but I'll be able to retire in 40 years. How about doing something you love right now?
Speaker 1:And listen, I'm the coupon mom, so I am all about simplifying your life and making it less expensive so that you can have more choices. When I was your age, that's what I did. I said I'm going to give up this corporate income because I want to be home. And yeah, you know what? I'm going to use grocery coupons. Maybe it's embarrassing, I'm going to shop at thrift stores. But guess what I get? To be home with my kids.
Speaker 1:And what a surprise God gave me. He gave me a career doing this thing. That I thought was a sacrifice. We don't know how God can surprise us, right, yeah, so I know that I don't know, but I hope that he wants us to be happy and content and have peace in the meantime. What is the meantime? And if you're wondering what that is, then you need to buy. Create a life you love, have a quiet outside voices so you can finally hear your own. Stephanie I'm going to have this in the show notes, but you can find Stephanie, her online courses, her podcast. We haven't even talked about that. Tell me the name of your podcast again.
Speaker 2:It's called Girls Night Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson, and it's so fun because, throughout this, I call this decade-ish the everything era, because everything happens during it, and the thing that really got me through my everything era the most were my girlfriends and not having to go through it alone. I find that when we can lean into the collective wisdom of women and pool our resources and our gifts and our you know talents and our time and our support, like we just we all get through it so much better, and so that's what Girls Night is all about, and it's been so much fun to do this show because it so mirrors how important my friends have been in my actual life.
Speaker 1:I could not agree with you more, and that's I love the expression. Relationships move at the speed of trust. I had a new friend say something to me recently. She said a couple days ago I don't know why I tell I have told you so many things that you know that I don't tell people. I don't tell people. I don't know why I've told you. And I looked at her and said, oh, my gosh, really I am not telling anyone any of the things you told me because, frankly, it would be no fun to have friends if they couldn't trust us. So if we're trustworthy and if you have a group like that, then you can trust them too, and there is nothing more wonderful than having authentic friendships. And they can be in your cabinet too. So you're at StephanieMayWilsoncom. Yep, that's right. Pre-order her book now.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, you guys pre-orders. If you ever want to give an author a gift, pre-ordering their book, ordering it before it comes out is like the kindest thing you can do for an author. It's just like blanket statement. Anytime you see an author say, hey, my book's up for pre-order, you are like literally making their dreams come true if you pre-order it.
Speaker 1:And, as coupon mom, I'll tell you it's paperback, so it's inexpensive, so you can pre-order it now and we can find you on Instagram.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And I'm following you. What is your handle? It's S-May Wilson. S-may Wilson. Yes, All right. Well, thank you so much. I wish you the best of luck with this book launch and July 5th. You said you're headed off to Spain. Yes, I wish you luck. I'll still follow you there so I can see all the fun things I need to know about Spain.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my gosh, I will report back, I promise, stephanie, thank you so much for having me. This has been so much fun and so encouraging. Really, thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're welcome, Thank you. Good luck to you.
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