The Key To Getting Approached This Week

Not getting approached by quality men? Here’s what you can do to get approached as soon as this week. 

Listen to this episode if you want to learn what it takes to enjoy frequent attention from quality men and always get asked out on dates. 

Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…

…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year. 

OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:

Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop

Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard 

Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.

Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up? Love a girl. Welcome back once again to another incredible date with since podcast episode, I have had such a exciting, riveting weekend. I was in attendance at impact weekend and, for those of you who do not know, impact weekend is a is a conference. It's like a three day conference for women of faith in business who are looking to increase their impact and their income and their influence, and so for three days, the room is filled with amazing business owners, entrepreneurs who are women that are in the room to improve all these things and to make big changes in their business as well as their life. And it's hosted by Maya Elias.

Speaker 1: 0:59

And for those of you who have been listening to the podcast over a year, I made a podcast episode around last time last year, march, when I went for the first time ever and then I left. I hired Maya as a coach and I was in her inner circle, mastermind and working with her. She helped me put together love a girl weekend. So it was an amazing experience learning from her, putting together my weekend, connecting with other amazing female entrepreneurs like that the community. That was just incredible, and so I was at the event again, instead of just there for attendance. I was there to be celebrated because I had a six-figure quarter and so she was given out awards for, like different, different accomplishments, and that's one of the accomplishments that I had. And it's so crazy because 2023 was so hard in business. It was so difficult. I have never pivoted so much, experimented so much, tried things and failed so much. I was just like what is happening? It was like one of the most confusing times of business, and I've been in business since 2017 and so things have changed dramatically, with the world opening back up and, like me, just finding my stride, finding my sweet spot, making sure my messaging is reaching the types of clients that I want, because I've attracted clients in the past that I no longer want to serve, and so it's important for me to consistently be tweaking my messaging to talk to the people I actually want to talk to.

Speaker 1: 2:59

So it was 2023 with Struggle Bus, and in spite of all the Struggle Bus, I still managed to have a multiple six-figure year. We did about a half a million and we did a half a million and I was like man, like this is something I should celebrate, because when Maya was like, yeah, we're gonna celebrate you, give you a war, and I was like it was so hard this year and I thought to myself. I was like, girl, you're supposed to celebrate yourself here, because it doesn't matter about how hard it was and how difficult it was or where you felt like you didn't reach your goal, you still was able to create this. You still was able to maintain a business that is not only impacting women all over the world but also bringing in that kind of revenue. So it was amazing just being there and I was also on the success panel, and the success panel was a few of us who had worked with Maya and have received success, and we were given, like, our perspectives as well as our advice, and one of the pieces of advice or perspective that I provided was that I take radical responsibility in all of my investments.

Speaker 1: 4:20

I took responsibility radical responsibility when I joined her coaching program, meaning that, no matter what I was going to show up for myself, I was going to commit to myself, I was going to take action, I was going to ask questions, I was going to reevaluate my results and I didn't hire Maya as my savior. I didn't hire her to save me from whatever was happening in my business. I was hiring her as a guy. But I am completely responsible for how I show up and I've invested, I know, a couple hundred thousand since I started business in my business and personal development. And it doesn't matter what coaching program I was in, if I even liked the code, because sometimes I hired coaches I didn't like, if I felt like the coaching program wasn't well organized, it didn't matter, it didn't matter. I got results and success in every single program I signed up for. There's not one thing that I invested in that I have not found some level of success, some level of success, and that is because I decided to be radically responsible for my results. Oh, I don't like the coach, it don't matter, I'm going to get my success. Oh, I don't like the way the content is spread out, or I don't like the organization, it doesn't matter, because there was a reason why I invested in this. It was my choice to invest in this, and so there is my choice to receive the results and take action. And so I took complete responsibility and decided how I was going to be successful, decided how I was going to show up without blaming my audience, blaming my clients, if I wasn't getting the type of reaction I wanted from them, or reaction I wanted from my audience, or if I felt like people were not buying. Stop the blame game and decide that I was 100% responsible for getting what I want.

Speaker 1: 6:36

And that is one of my biggest success factors and actually what I want to talk about on the podcast today, because I often have women like our ass women. You know when was the last time you've been on a date? And they'll say, oh, it's been two months, it's been three months, it's been six months, it's been a year. And I'm always like, okay, so why has it been so long? Like why has it been two months, why has it been three months? And they say, well, because men are not approaching me. And I am always curious about the answer, because when someone responds that way, they are making the reason why they don't have something, why they're not experiencing something, because of someone else.

Speaker 1: 7:35

And I'm always blown away by how much, as creators, that we take our creation ability and put it in the hands of other people or blame other people or make other people responsible for that. The same way, if I'm not getting clients enrolled into my program or working with me, I cannot blame prospective clients, I cannot blame the audience for why I do not have a thriving business. I could say, oh, that's because no one wants to work with me. But the truth is I have not created that opportunity, I have not created the ability to do that. And so the same thing here is If you want to consistently get approached by quality men, if you want men to approach you, ask for your phone number, ask you out on dates, you have to stop playing the blame game and you have to embrace responsibility, radical responsibility, and when I say radical responsibility I mean taking complete ownership of your actions, of your choices, of your outcomes while dating, and owning your power as a woman to get approached through your own mindset, through your own behaviors and through your own decisions. Because when you embrace radical responsibility, beautiful things happen. When you become responsible for what you create in your dating life, in your romantic life, you begin to attract higher quality men because you were responsible for that and not just higher quality men, but higher quality men who are excited to approach you, eager to take you out on dates and pursue you for a serious relationship.

Speaker 1: 9:50

So I'll give you an example of a recent coaching session I had with a young lady and we were on a one-off coaching call that I had offered for people who decided the first 25 people who invested in my Black Friday bundle, and so we had, like this implementation call, and I had asked the woman like hey, when was the last time you've been on a date? And she said it's been 10 years. And so I asked her. I said okay, why 10 years? Why haven't you been on a date in 10 years? And she said it's because men are not approaching me.

Speaker 1: 10:35

And so I look at her and I said, okay, what would you say that you are doing or what actions have you taken in the past 10 years to get approached? Right, because 10 years is a long time not to get approached and not to be asked out on dates. And so what she said is oh, I go out, I go out to restaurants, I go out to events with my girlfriends, right. And so I'm asking questions about what's happening when she's at these events with their girlfriends, and normally they grab a table and they order their food and they're sitting and they're enjoying themselves. And the thing is, every single one of her friends that she's going out with are also single and also not being approached, and they're all doing the same things together, week after week.

Speaker 1: 11:29

And so I said, okay, so now that that is what you've been doing in the past 10 years, let's just imagine you being approached the way you want to, based upon the actions that you're taking now. I want you to imagine that and let's create a movie scene. What are some movie scenes that could happen in your life where you see you doing these things and men approaching you? And so the first scene is she says okay, so I would be at the table with my friends and we would be eating and enjoying ourselves, and then there would be a man at the bar and he would spot me in the corner with my friends and he would send a drink over. I was like, okay, all right, all right, that's one thing that will happen in your movie. And so I said give me another scene, let's get another scene. And she says okay, me and my friends we are sitting at the table enjoying ourselves, and he would leave the bar. He would see me from the bar and he would walk away from the bar, come to the table with my friends and approach me from the bar.

Speaker 1: 12:53

I said, okay, okay, give me another scene, let's just get a third scene. Let's see another way that you see yourself getting approached and she says well, I see him having you know, him seeing me enjoying the company of my friends, and he would have a server come to the table and communicate to me that he was interested. And I said, okay, so it's been 10 years and that has never happened. I said do you know, do you realize what's in common with every single scenario here? And she thought about it and to the point where I just answered the question, right, because we were kind of sitting there, I was like the man is responsible for all of it. He is responsible for leaving his comfort zone. He is completely responsible for spotting you in the corner. He is completely responsible to go out of his way, even though you could be married, even though you could be not interested, right Out of all of these things. He is completely responsible for all the risks in doing all of that without having any understanding of what you may want and what you may be available for. And she thought about it and she said yeah, I guess, like that's the truth, I'm having him being completely responsible for this and we tend to look at men as these superhero, robotic humans, and it's so crazy because we want emotionally available men, but we treat men as if they have none, as if they are robots, as if they again have SS on their chests and the only thing that takes them out of their element is kryptonite right?

Speaker 1: 15:01

We don't teach them as if they are humans with emotions that want to mitigate risk, want to make sure that they are operating properly and appropriately, and this is why this woman and many other women are not getting approached and being asked out on dates. We believe that men should quote, unquote what we believe as taking the lead, aka being responsible for all the choices and all the actions and all the variables that lead to them approaching us. They have to be responsible for spotting you out of the crowd all the way across the room and knowing that you're interested. They have to be responsible for knowing if you are available for conversation, responsible for knowing if you are single or not. They have to be responsible to know if you even like men. They have to be responsible for all of it and they have to tackle all of this just to get to you. We believe these things instead of empowering ourselves to invite men to pursue us.

Speaker 1: 16:18

It reminds me of business. It reminds me of how I have run my business or I've seen other people in business. Every time I was enrolled into a program, there was always people complaining about how it didn't work for them. Oh, I signed up for this coaching program and nothing's working for me. I'm in the same program and it's working for me. It's because these people that come in there have decided not to take radical responsibility for their business and they have made their audience responsible, their leads responsible, prospective clients responsible, the coach responsible. They're like well, I'm showing up and posting things on social media. You should want to work with me, and yet they have no call to action to work with them. They're like oh, I posted in my stories and you see that I'm good at what I do. Why aren't people trying to work with me? And I'm like there is no call to action to work with you, there is no show that you are available to be worked with. I don't see any link, or I'm not seeing you point to any link. You're just showing up and giving your expertise and there's no call to action there. And they make everybody else responsible for why they're not getting results. And I'm like I'm in the same program as you and I'm getting results. The reason why you're not is because you want everyone else to be responsible here instead of creating the opportunities to invite people to work with you and the same thing with us.

Speaker 1: 18:02

As women, we must empower ourselves to invite men to pursue us, and that is so. It could be so simple, super simple. Like a man is at the bar and he has an empty seat and we sit in the empty seat and we ask an interesting question. It could be that simple as an invitation that I am open, an invitation that I'm ready to connect, an invitation that I am available to have a conversation with you. I don't know where this conversation is going to lead, but there is an opportunity for it to lead somewhere. Another simple way we invite men to interact with us is smiling and waving While we walk past a man on our way to the bathroom. Like right, we might be sitting with our friends in the corner, he might be at the bar by himself, or he might be at another table by himself, but when we walk by and we see him, we smile and wave at him, letting him know I'm ready for connection or I'm available for connection there. I'm available to interact.

Speaker 1: 19:15

Or we see a man and we are with our friends and we step away to maybe order a drink, or we step away to use the restroom and then we come back to enjoy dinner with our girls, but before we do that we stop and we give a compliment like, oh wow, like I passed you and you smell really really good. What kind of cologne do you have? One Right, and those are like really really simple ways to invite men to pursue us. Of course it looks different in different places and different environments and different situations, but I was just giving that because it directly connected to what the queen was talking about earlier and how she would go out with her friends and those were the opportunities that she could have had to invite men to pursue. But the thing is, inviting men to pursue isn't really it's simple, but it's often really really hard. For a high achieving woman of faith, it's really difficult for us to do that. Like I can say, do it, but it's hard. And the reason one it's hard is because of the good girl conditioning that we have.

Speaker 1: 20:24

We have been conditioned that good girls simply wait around and are very passive and wait for men to do all the work Like that's what we've been taught to do, because if we didn't like we would be fast, we will be desperate, we will be thirsty. We've been taught that it's not a good look to initiate connections with men. We are taught that if we did these things, we are desperate, we're thirsty, we're not as desirable as we thought we were. If we have to do these things and good girl conditioning has done a number on us, because it teaches us to objectify men instead of just building connections with men in general, not expecting a romantic future, not engaging with men just because, well, you know, I'm not attracted to him. I'm attracted to him or this could be a possible relationship. It's like this is a human being and I want to have some type of connection. I want to, you know, work on my ability to build community and to fellowship, and if it becomes a romantic partnership, fine by me, if not fine by me. But that's one of the things is the good girl conditioning Like? We want to look like good girls and good girls mind their business, sit to their cells and just, really just wait on men to prove how desirable we are and how you know how much we are of, you know, wife, material or worthy of dates, and that's not something that I rock with whatsoever, because it's the reason why so many high achieving women of faith are not experiencing a thriving love life.

Speaker 1: 22:09

The second reason why we're not taking radical responsibility is because we're so nervous of judgment, we're so nervous of rejection, and that's one of the things that the Queen mentioned to me. I was like hey, so if you haven't been on the date for 10 years and you're just in a corner going out with your friends, why wouldn't you do the things that I just mentioned? Or why wouldn't you invite men to pursue you in these ways? And she said because of judgment or rejection, like that would never be anything she would want to do. Because of those things, it just feels safer for men to take all the risk. And approaching because of men take all the risk. Then we don't have to deal with feeling inadequate, we don't have to deal with the emotion of disappointment, we do not have to deal with the trauma that may come up from abandonment from earlier on in life, or we don't have to deal with feeling ashamed. None of that. We don't have to deal with any of that as long as men are taking all the risk because if he's approaching us, we already know he likes us, so there's no risk of rejection.

Speaker 1: 23:31

But if you have no idea, when you're smiling and waving, you're questioning yourself. Or when you're going up and you're complimenting, you're questioning yourself. But the thing, the main nervousness of judgment and rejection, is really keeping you away from fulfillment, from delicious dating, from yummy men who will honor you for that. The same way, if we were talking about being an entrepreneur, the nervousness of judgment and rejection is real. If you're an entrepreneur, you already know what I'm talking about. You don't want to be judged by people in your family that are seeing you promote your business. You don't want to be judged by clients that may not believe your methods work. You don't want to be judged for selling. It's just a bunch of stuff and then you don't want to offer the sale and be rejected for it, like you don't want to do it. But the entrepreneurs who are really, really successful, despite judgment, despite rejection on the table, they just do what they need to do. So, in spite of people judging you because they will, girl, I'm not going to say that they won't. You will get rejected. I'm not going to say that you will not. It's always on the table. Rejection is always on the table. People judging is always on the table.

Speaker 1: 24:52

But in order for you to go on, dates get approached regularly, consistently, every time you go out you got to take radical responsibility. And one of the biggest steps of you taking radical responsibility is you have To drop the blame. You have to opt out the blame game. It has nothing to do with the men not approaching. As to why you're not getting approached. It is not. Your city is the problem as to why you're not getting approached. It is not because you are plus-sized. It is not because you are dark skin. It is not because your hair is kinky, coily and you live in LA. It's not because of any of that, right. It's not because you don't have the the BBL look on your body or what they call the Instagram look. It's not because of any of that. We can look at this stuff and we can. We can blame it and stop because we live in 20, in the year 2024, 2023.

Speaker 1: 26:06

Modern dating has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with you not taking a hundred percent ownership For your results in creating what you want. You know what you've been responsible for by what you've created, which is why you created a Lucrative education, why you have these degrees, because you were a hundred percent responsible in creating that for yourself. This is why you have a thriving career or business. It is because you decided to take a hundred percent Responsibility for that. This is why you have a high credit score Because you have taken a hundred percent Ownership of it. You have not let people come in and ruin it for yourself. All right. This is why you own a home right. This is why you've been able to have these material things is because you Took a hundred percent ownership.

Speaker 1: 27:14

Your results in your life Reveal what you have been responsible for, and If you're not getting approached, you have chosen not to be responsible for that. So what I recommend that you do? Number one, have some self reflection Around the results that you have created or not created in your love life and have complete acceptance and compassion around that, and then drop the blame game. Drop the blame game. And then three, absolutely decide where are you going to take action Based upon the responsibility you are open to take, so that you can have men approaching you anytime, everywhere, so that you can go on the dates that you want and so that eventually you can move into the thriving relationship that you desire.

Speaker 1: 28:11

Now in my private one-on-one coaching, I help you develop the power to be consistently approached in public by quality men, all by practicing radical responsibility. First thing is, I'm never going to have you throwing yourself at a man. I'm never going to have you chasing a man down, but I will teach you how to confidently create opportunities to invite men to pursue you anywhere and everywhere, because embracing radical responsibility is a skill that can change your love life overnight. Because the more responsibility you take, the more power you have to create and the more you're going to enjoy dating. And my most successful clients, who enjoy frequent attention from quality men, are the ones who embrace their responsibility at the highest level.

Speaker 1: 29:06

These are the women who are always getting approached. These are the women who are not just getting approached but approached by financially stable, emotionally available men, men who are providing, protecting and pursuing them. Men who show up for them emotionally, men who show up for them financially, psychologically. These women embrace their radical responsibility at the highest level and this is part of what I help you do in my Power and Passion Partnership coaching, which is my private one-on-one coaching program for a high achieving women of faith who desire to work with me closely to become in high demand in the dating world and attract quality men who are financially stable and emotionally available Basically, men on your level.

Speaker 1: 29:57

I will help you break free from the good girl mode through supportive exposure exercises that will desensitize your fear of judgment and rejection Like there are stages in how we put ourselves out there and, instead of just throwing you out there, giving you low risk exposure exercises so that over time judgment doesn't feel as judgmental to you anymore, rejection doesn't feel like you're rejected anymore, because you are gradually getting exposed to more over time. I'll also work with you to improve your in-person interactions with men and develop your unique style of confident communication so that you don't feel weird or awkward while you are inviting men to pursue you, while you are connecting with them, and men will love your invitations to connect and be excited to approach you for conversations, to approach you to exchange contact information and, best of all, approach you for dates that lead to meaningful relationships. So if you are interested in working with me as a private client, the next step is to book a sales call with me. I'll leave that link in the show notes and on this call.

Speaker 1: 31:20

We will have a casual chat over Zoom about the current state of your love life and see if working together makes sense. And the best candidate for working with me as a private client is someone who is a personal growth enthusiast, who enjoys personal development tools to grow as a person, and somebody who really feels like they are satisfied with what they've created in their life so far and dating and love is something that they would love to have success in the same way they've had success in other areas. So if you are interested in being a private client with me, I have some slots available. Go ahead and book your call the link is gonna be a show notes and also, if you enjoyed this episode, go ahead and give me a review on iTunes, spotify, whatever, and I love you, girl. I will talk to you next week. Bye.