Wondering what it takes to be surrounded by men who invest in you mentally, emotionally, and financially?
This episode is full of gems of how to inspire men to adore you and add tangible value to your life.
Join The Well-Pleased Woman Workshop - Join the workshop at the Early Bird Valentine’s Day Special price of $97 (investment increases to $197 by Feb 17th)
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Wondering what it takes to be surrounded by men who invest in you mentally, emotionally, and financially?
This episode is full of gems of how to inspire men to adore you and add tangible value to your life.
Join The Well-Pleased Woman Workshop - Join the workshop at the Early Bird Valentine’s Day Special price of $97 (investment increases to $197 by Feb 17th)
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Good morning, love it, girl. It is super early in the morning. I normally don't record anything before like 8 am, but have tons to do today and I really wanted to make sure this episode got out to you swiftly. I'm feeling optimistic, I'm feeling excited, I'm feeling inspired. One of my biggest sources of inspiration this week, past week, came from Kanye West.
Speaker 1:Actually, during a Super Bowl, kanye West ran a Super Bowl commercial and he ran it only in like certain areas and basically he recorded his Super Bowl commercial from his phone. It's literally from his phone, and he's like hey guys, he's telling people about this sale he's having on his Yeezy site from a cell phone. Looks like a Snapchat or something like that. So there was zero production budget to create the ad. And then he turns around and he generates $29 million from the ad. So zero production. He paid $7 million for the spot because it was a local spot. I think those spots are normally like $30 million if it was going to be film nationwide, but it doesn't matter. He made $29 million.
Speaker 1:And what inspired me about this is he didn't overthink it. There was no thought of perfectionism, like, oh, I have to do this and we have to do it with the bang and we have to let everyone know how you know cool GZs are and I have to sell it, sell it, sell it. What's this like? I know my product is dope, I know I'm dope and I'm just gonna record this video on my cell phone and let the world know. And that is the type of confidence and self-assurance and self-enoughness, like. That's like the epitome of I'm enough. I don't have to throw all these bells and whistles so that you know that I'm enough. I don't have to put on a show so that you know I'm worthy, so that you know that my stuff is good enough to invest in. And I know people are probably like, well, that's Kanye West. Everybody can't do that.
Speaker 1:Kanye West got to the point that he is now because he's always been this way. He's always been self-assured, even before he got a deal, when he believed he was a rapper and no one else did. No one else felt like he was talented enough and they kind of like kept him as a producer, was like nah, like he believed in himself so much that he forced people to see his greatness. Because he never stopped seeing his greatness, no matter what people said about him. And one of the quotes that he made was I want a room surrounded by mirrors, so that I want to be in a room full of mirrors, so that I'm always surrounded by winners. Now you can say what you want about his antics, his meltdowns, his inappropriate times. That is not what this conversation is about.
Speaker 1:This conversation is about his unwavering commitment to himself and his unwavering self-enoughness, and I am so inspired by it. So inspired because I look at all the ways the good girl is still in residue in my life and all the ways that I feel like. You know, I have to put on the bells and the whistles to show that oh like, this is good and that's good, and instead of oh like, for example, one of the things that I often overthink is my content and my writing, and I need to use these words and I need to write like this, and it takes me it would take me forever to create a piece of content and just very inspired by Kanye and his commitment to self, that just showing up. And yes, he's a superstar, yes, he is a multi-millionaire I'm just gonna say billionaire because he did get to that status before it's gone and he's gonna be back to that status very soon, based upon the projections of what's happening for him with his company, but he has gotten to this place because of his self commitment and, yeah, I'm really inspired and that's where that's what I'm leaning on and I just wanted to share that with you. So I'm going to really be chewing on this for a while because it, to me, is extraordinary, but, anywho, that's not what we're here to talk about.
Speaker 1:We're here to talk about this particular episode and this is another Instagram live that I am bringing on a replay here and it's specifically for good girls. Good girls who are really really good at giving and not so much as receiving kind of struggle with receiving, struggling to ask for what they want, struggle to tell them in what they need, struggle to get their desires fulfilled by men. This episode is all about that, and you are going to find so many jewels and so many gems in this episode, so many different aha moments where you can see a lot of places where you are discounting yourself, where you are not showing up fully. So, if you're struggling with men showing up in your life but they're not putting in effort, they're not investing in you, they're not like, yeah, not investing in you emotionally, financially, energetically, all the ways, this episode is for you. So, without further ado, here it is. Oh, love of girls, welcome to my life.
Speaker 1:Today, we have some amazing things to talk about. Well, one main thing Today, we're talking about how to inspire quality men to invest into you. Why am I always finding myself pulling this back at the last minute? Quality men to invest in you, hey, charlotte, that's what we're talking about today. And how to inspire quality men to invest in you. Even if you're a single mom, even if you are divorced, even if you are plus size, it doesn't matter, you can do it, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:And when I say investing in you, I'm talking about everyday assistance, like maybe some errands, maybe some home improvement, maybe some tech support. I'm talking about thoughtful gestures. Like, you know, would you like some flowers, my love, right? Thoughtful gestures are like hey, I see this is what you were doing in your business and I would love to connect you with this associate of mine. I'm talking about acts of service like, oh, can I cook for you, can I do that for you? Or simple pleasures, right, just simple pleasures of, you know, having him rub your feet, those types of things. Simple gifts, flowers, jewelry, and oh man. It's spanned so long.
Speaker 1:I've had clients have. I've had clients have contractors donate $40,000 worth of services. I've had clients receive emotional support from men where they had death in a family or they had very stressful times and these men came over and were shoulders to cry on. They gave space for these women to cry on their shoulders. I have I just had a client let me know that there was a suitor she was dating who paid off her mortgage and he's working on her student loans. Now, again, she's not exclusive with any of these men, right, not exclusive. I have a client who has a man like making sure that her feet are rubbed because she wants to feel more relaxed.
Speaker 1:I talked about in my email that I sent out to the Lover Girls on. I just talked about one of the delicious dates that I've created in the past of when a man flew me out. I asked I made special requests that he put me in a four-star hotel that was within 15 minutes of the vicinity of where he was, because I wanted to make sure that there wasn't traffic preventing him from coming to see me whenever I needed to see him. I also didn't want to stay at his home. I didn't feel comfortable doing that. I also requested that he take me on a kayaking and hiking excursion while I was out there and it was so beautiful, amazing. I also asked that he take me to a fine dining place that absolutely lit him up, that he was excited about, because I wanted to see how refined his taste was and I wanted to experience that with him.
Speaker 1:It could be a slew of things of investment. It can be time investment, energy investment, emotional investment, financial investment. Just having men investing you as a woman is extremely important, and this live is sponsored by the Well Pleased Women Workshop that I am hosting on March 9th, saturday, march 9th. It is currently $97 for the Valentine's Day special. It will be going back up at the end of the week. If you want the link to purchase, you can hit desire in the comment section. If you type desire, you will get a link to go ahead and register for the Well Pleased Women Workshop on how to be adored and appreciated and receive the desires of your heart from the men that you are dating. If you like that workshop, if you like access to it, type desire in the comment section. Whether you're on the replay or whether you're on here now, nina, let me know if that link works. Let me know if you get a DM.
Speaker 1:For those of you who don't know who I am, my name is Tori Sins and I help high achieving, unchurched women of faith attract quality men. Thank you for letting me know it worked. Attract quality men and date deliciously towards marriage or whatever romantic partnership that they actually desire. The reason why we're talking about how to inspire men to invest in you today is because, women of faith, we've been conditioned to be good girls, good girls who are good at giving, like we give and we give, and we give and we give. And we've been over backwards and we're accommodating. We know how to compromise, but we're horrible at receiving. We're horrible at asking for what we want, for requesting for what we want. If that sounds like you, put a one in the comments.
Speaker 1:If you're one of these high achieving women of faith who give, give, give, give, give. You show up for people. You're there when people can count on you, but when it comes to receiving, it's like oh, can I do it, can I have it? There's resistance, there is a feeling of obligation, especially with dating. Especially with dating, there's this feeling of obligation like, oh, if he does this for me, then what am I going to have to do in return? This seems like it's so much.
Speaker 1:I remember that call I got from a client. She was like Tor. This man says he wants to do $40,000 of work in my real estate properties for free. Should I take it, tor, like, is this too much? And I said it's never too much. This is expanding your capacity for more. You have done your work and now the most hot is showing you that this is available for you. All you have to do right now is receive it with open arms, to expand your capacity. Now. She ain't got no problem accepting stuff like that. She's accepted more, she's accepted more than that. But at that time she was like this is big, this is a lie. Should I do this? And I'm like absolutely.
Speaker 1:Some people feel like there's too much, they're not worthy of it, it's too big for them, or they think that they have to do something in response to it. And they don't. You don't, you don't, whatsoever. Okay, we expect so little in life in general, especially from the men. We're dating these men and if he wants to take us on a date, if he, however, he wants to show up, we're like we're kind of just thankful for what he's doing. We're just like, oh, he's planning a date, I'm just thankful for what he's doing.
Speaker 1:We're talking on the phone instead of asking for what we really would like to experience, getting in the nitty gritty details of what we would like to experience, how we would like to experience it, how we would like for this man to show up for us, what would we like for this man to do when he shows up for us? Okay, I'm always comparing this to sex, because sex is never going to be as pleasurable as you desire it to be, in a general sense, right, until you are able to number one, express your desires in detail and how you want to be treated, touched, treated, however, and then having boundaries around that experience. This is why so many of us are attached to a certain kind of man, because we believe he's the only one who can give us that experience, and he is just the man that you didn't have to speak up and share that with. But that is what the purpose like.
Speaker 1:You're supposed to learn how to speak up, and as long as you have people in your life that are not, or that you don't have to speak up, you're never going to learn. You're never going to learn. You're going to rely on that one person and make it about this one person one reality. It's just your inability. You don't have the skill set, so now you're attached to a person because you don't have the skill set. The same thing happens with desire and dating, and having men invest in you is you do not have to be attached to one man when you develop a skill set. All right when it comes to dating.
Speaker 1:And so it's time for us to stop over accommodating. It's time for us to stop, you know, making ourselves so available for the men that we like and not and not expecting, not commanding. When I say commanding, I don't mean demanding, commanding our desires being fulfilled. Okay, what we like to do is I'm a good girl, and because I'm a good girl and I'm showing up in good girl ways, he's going to see how much I'm a good girl I am and he's just going to want to do for me. I'm not going to have to say anything about anything, because a real man is just going to see how much of a good girl is and see how much I accommodate, and he's going to do the same. Wrong. That's damsel, in distress behavior. That is immature feminine behavior. It's not a mature form of creating, it's very passive right. It very much relies on someone else to do, to have responsibility for what you're responsible to create for yourself as a woman.
Speaker 1:We also do things. I'll ask. I'll ask, like I'll be coaching some women and I'm like, hey, why did you do that? Or why did you accept that? And they were like, well, I didn't mind. Again, I don't mind is basically saying I didn't really care to do it, but I did it anyway. I didn't. It didn't excite me to do it, but I ain't got nothing else to do. I ain't got nothing else to do, or I'm just happy that he asked me. So, blah, blah, blah. Right, I have clients. Tell me all the time Torah, he asked me on, you know, he asked me to fly, fly out with him to you know, whatever.
Speaker 1:What should I do, torah? Because I don't want to have sex with him? I'm just like first, follow, tell girl women what to do. Second of all, this is your opportunity to express your desire so that men meet them. You are concerned about having sex with the man instead of creating what you want to experience.
Speaker 1:I remember I was flown out on a date. And on another date not the first one I just told you about was on another date. And the guy I told him I said, in order for me to go on this, in order for me to accept this invitation to be flown out, I need to let you know that sex is not on the table. And then, two, I would need my own hotel room. And he was like, is that a must? And I said, yeah, it is a must. He was like so that's the need. I was like, yeah, I will not be accepting any flights or any tickets if I don't have my own hotel room separate. And so that is what I received my own hotel room. Now, did that stop him from saying, hey, can I stay with you? No, it didn't. But because I honor my own desires and I know what I was very, very clear on. That's why I decided to do that right, that's why I decided to do that, and if you guys have questions, please put them in the question box.
Speaker 1:I asked Tora, are you still married? Yes, I'm still married. Why you trying to marry me? You want to be married to me. I will understand if you wanted to be married to me. I want to be married to me too. I do. I'd be wondering if you'd be asking do you want to marry me? Do you want to know if I'm available for you? Are you checking for me? Let me find out. Because you checking for me, you want to know what I got going on, because you want to peace. But make sure you guys are putting your questions in the question box.
Speaker 1:Flo said marry her. Yeah, they want to marry me. They be wanting to know if they got a chance. I'm telling you, every time I go on live, they ask it. I'm like y'all must want to marry me. It's okay, though, I understand I get it All right. So we don't want to be undervalued anymore. We don't want to be overlooked anymore. Right, we want to experience adoration and appreciation. Put a one in the comments if you want to experience adoration and appreciation, if you just want to be adored, if you just want to be able to have something in your brain that you want to experience with a man, and then he shows up who does it for you. Give it a go. I'm sorry if you watching me replay my bad, please. I'm sorry If you got your headphones on my bad times too. So here is I'm going to share a few ways for you to inspire men to invest in you, not just financially but also energetically. Right?
Speaker 1:I remember there was a woman who came to me and I was like she was talking to this guy for weeks and I was just like why, you know what's happening with him. Like why are you talking to him for so long? You all never been on a date? And she was just like, oh, he just and I, and she wanted him to be a go exclusive. And I said, why do you want to go exclusive with this man? And she was like he's just so supportive and encouraging. And I said how does he encourage you? And she says, oh well, I want to wait.
Speaker 1:Last journey, I'm on a fitness journey. He's always texting me Good job. And I'm like that's not a real invest. A text message is not an investment. It takes nothing to send a good job Congratulations text. So if you were telling me that he actually invested in you, that would for me, that would mean oh, he actually said, hey, let's go to the gym together. I would like to help spot you while you're at the gym. I would love to look at your form while you're performing the set.
Speaker 1:I know men that have created workout plans for women right, that they can go out and do those workouts. I know a guy bought me a gym membership for a whole entire year and I'm like that is an investment. Right, that is what investing looks like, right, energetically time, like he's spending time, he's spending his energy Right, any type of resources is an investment, but him sending you a text message is not the investment. So I need you to understand that when you all are saying, oh, men are adding value to your life, are they really adding tangible value or are you getting excited about getting attention? There is a difference between receiving real value, tangible investment, and then receiving attention from a man. Those are two different things. You can receive a lot of attention from a man and there is no tangible investment None, absolutely none.
Speaker 1:You need to ask yourself do you want to, do you want to stay connected to men who are just talking to you and having conversation with you and you're like, oh, the conversations are so good and so deep and I'm like, okay, what's happening here? You want to make him your man and all y'all doing is conversing, conversing. Someone said they just hit the floor hard. You got to get down to the floor and pick yourself up to have more power to reach the sky. So hitting the floor is a good thing. Someone says, tor, you told me good job one time, now I love you, so this tracks. I told you good job what I told you good job for Now I love you, so this, oh, I did it, now Right. So really pay attention to what you're impressed by.
Speaker 1:So if you're going to go exclusive with the man, if you're going to keep him around and give him your time and you're in it, you got to ask yourself what is, what's the tangible investment in here? And so, if you want to inspire men to invest into you and this is not going to be the typical advice you'll hear from people, because y'all know that my focus is personal development, spirit and dating as a spiritual practice so these tips are going to be very different from what you might hear from someone else, because I truly deal with working on the person and not dealing with men in that way. So the first thing is, if you want to inspire men to invest in you, you have to. Pleasure has to become your priority. I can't say that, so I cannot say this enough. Y'all know I'm telling y'all this damn near every week. I talk about it all the time because it's high achieving women of faith. We prioritize it. Everyone else's pleasure. Yeah, we might grab a few smiles here and there. We might go on a trip here and there that puts a smile on our face. We might go to brunch and have some bottomless mimosas every now and again, like we might do that. That might happen. But for the most part we are in people pleasing mode, meaning that we are doing things and operating in ways so that we can avoid judgment, so we can avoid criticism, so we can avoid rejection, so we can avoid conflict. Same thing with the men. So when we're with men, like so, we're not prioritizing our pleasure. We number one.
Speaker 1:A lot of us are living on autopilot. We're getting up in the mornings, we're going to work or we're getting on our laptops to work, and then after work we decide to kind of crash on the couch, maybe do some chores. Some of us have kids, so we're like handling the kids. Some of us are scrolling on social media just a little bit, kind of checking out just a bit, and before you know it it's time to do it all over again the next day. It's a repeatable schedule. Put a one in the comments If you kind of have like you kind of feel like you want autopilot from a day to day basis.
Speaker 1:You kind of feel like you're doing the same thing every day and it feels like it's an autopilot, it's like a repeat right Every single day. You're not really thinking too much about what's happening, it's just happening. It's a common thing. You are not alone. It's so common to do Like I definitely understand that so much. It's really, really common.
Speaker 1:But what happens is that you are not, like you get away from being in touch with you, so you can't touch the pleasure. You can't touch what excites you and you do not seek to create it because you're not really there. You're kind of disconnected right Because you have all this stuff, that you work really hard. You've always been a hard worker. We've been conditioned to be hard workers. It's not your fault that you work so hard, but you don't work as hard to please yourself. It doesn't have to be some big thing. Like people are like I'm about to play me a cruise. You ain't got to do all that. You don't the easiest way. But before I get into that.
Speaker 1:Pleasure has to be your own, your priority, because it sets the tone. It sets the tone for how you expect to be treated while dating, how you expect for the men to show up for you. A lot of times we want men to come into our lives and rescue us from our own lack of care. We want men to come in and help us escape for what we haven't created for ourselves. Which is why some of us have some heavy attachment to landing a relationship, to landing third and fourth dates, for going exclusive, because we link that with if I can have this, I can have excitement. If I can have this, I can finally have true pleasure versus oh baby, no, I am the pleasure you just came and you added to it, but I am it and I am lit up, with or without you. I am pleased on a regular basis.
Speaker 1:But it communicates that you respect yourself, you respect this temple that God put you in. It communicates that you are worthy. You are worthy of being consistently pleased. It communicates to yourself that you really love yourself. You really do. You love life. You don't just love yourself, you love life. You value life. You don't just love life, you value it. You value the tiny pieces, the big pieces, the rectangle pieces. Oh girl, I'm getting lit up right now. I'm so excited. Again, it doesn't have to be this big thing Like, oh, I got to plan this cruise or I got to invest in this $160 massage.
Speaker 1:I literally just showed a video in my stories of how you can no of me and my morning coffee routine when I talk about it so much because it brings me so much pleasure to just slow down. To just slow down and just enjoy the process. If it could just be you simply slowing down. Y'all ever noticed. Put a two in the comments if you ever noticed when you rush you tend to hurt yourself or break some shit. Flo said I got excited about coffee without even being a coffee drinker. I'm telling you it's contagious. My pleasure you can feel in my body. I am transmitting the pleasure that I create within myself to you. So we got some people that said they put a two in the comments that when they rush, I noticed when I rush, things get broken, I get hurt. Something happens when we're rushing. We trip over things, we lose balance, but when you slow down it's really hard to trip. When you're slowed down it's really hard. Because when you're, when you slow down, yeah, you are your own turn on, shalita.
Speaker 1:When you slow down, you don't have to spend money to be pleased. You do not have to make a big event to be pleased. You can start finding the little pleasures in the world. So, for example, I always tell my clients, when you go out and about and you want to be approached by managers in general, slow down and engage with the world. If you have resting bitch face, it means that you are not engaged with the world. It means you're in your brain, you're not in your body, you're disconnected from your body. You are here, the world doesn't exist. Or, like you guys are walking straight because you got to get where you need to go and you're not slowing down.
Speaker 1:People always complain about New York City and how people there are not friendly and they don't smile and they don't wave. It's a fast-paced city. It requires slowing down and engaging. When you're slowing down, you can literally find pleasure. You can find pleasure in the leaves on the trees. Look what God created. Look at that God. Look what he created. You start finding pleasure in the laughter of children in the background Like, oh my goodness, look at this creation here. Look at this. Look at this creation here. Oh my gosh, I love it.
Speaker 1:Someone says that's not true. New Yorkers are very friendly. We just don't want to be bothered. You don't want to engage. Now, I don't believe that New Yorkers aren't friendly, because I always tell my clients every time I go to New York, every time I go to New York, I get tons of smiles when I go because I'm the one who slowed down. I'm the one who slowed down. People often smile at me. People often wave at me. I don't have any problems when I'm walking around in New York at all. Someone says people don't smile in St Louis. Yeah, I remember my husband trying to tell me he was like when you moved to St Louis, people don't smile out here, they don't just like. They smile for me. They smile for me. They are friendly with me because I'm slowed down and I'm engaged. I'm engaged.
Speaker 1:I don't have a like I don't want to be bothered mentality because I want to engage with the world. I want to engage with the world because I'm connected with the world. The world isn't bothering me, the world is. I'm deeply connected with the world. I don't have a. I don't have a, I'm bothered. I don't want you bothering me Like that's not, that, that is not a part of me at all, because I'm. I understand that I'm a part of the world, I'm a part of the community. Now, do I want to be harassed? No, I don't want to be harassed. But I don't leave the house thinking I don't want to be bothered, never. And when I go to New York I want to be connected to the people and I do connect with them.
Speaker 1:Flo says I'm from New York and I stay smiling. We can't help but smile around me because that is what you've chosen to create. The location means nothing. The zip code means nothing Right, but it could. But it communicates when you're able to connect with the world. It communicates a certain level of love, of pleasure, of connection, and when you can create that for yourself intentionally, it feels really good to the men when they're around you. How can I contribute to this woman's pleasure? Because she's turning me on. I am turned on.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you how many times me and my clients have heard from men look, I don't know what it is about you. There was a I don't know what it is about you, girl, I don't know what it is about you. I had a guy recently tell me he was just like you know. I almost fell in love with you, but you know, you told me you're married. I almost fell in love, like just off the energy, and the crazy thing is I had just got done crying, crying my eyes out over something that didn't go my way.
Speaker 1:Someone says I don't smile at work and I'm okay with that. As long as you're okay with it, you do what you want to do, because I don't tell grown people what to do. I think that everyone should do what's best for them and whatever is working for you, you just do it. Let me take my advice if it's going to help you do better in life. If it's not, you know, y'all don't have to worry about what I got to say. Um, what was about to say? Yes, the men can feel the pleasure on you when you have pleased yourself, when you have found tiny daily ways to please yourself, all right. Someone says baby, I smile away, even make small talk with and everybody, and it was a pleasant change. Now, for those of you who are on here I love that, by the way, desi, I do want people to understand this is this.
Speaker 1:Nothing about this conversation is smiling for the purpose of men. You know how men would be like. You need to smile more. This is not about smiling for the purpose of men to make men feel comfortable, right, because there are. Sometimes you want to choose not to smile, or sometimes you want to choose to disengage with the world, but we're not doing this so that men can feel more comfortable around you. I need y'all to know that right off, rip Cause I completely do not agree with men coming up saying you should smile more. No, you're doing it because this is who you are, and a person who is in this state creates. They are creators, right, they are created. It has nothing to do with pleasing men. We are not out here to make men feel better about themselves.
Speaker 1:Oh, she's not smiling. She must. She needs to smile so I can feel better. Boy, get the hell on. You need to find your own pleasure, sir Cause we don't talk to men who don't find their own pleasure. It goes both ways. If you need it, like we, we don't do it, but men are inspired to invest in you when they feel the pleasure seeping from you. How can I add? I like I have my own pleasure as a man. But how can I add to hers? Because I, she, we are source, ladies, we are life, we are life source. Life comes through us. Right, we are creators. The men do want to be in our presence, they do want to have access to this, they want to see more of it, they want to experience more of it and they want to invest in it.
Speaker 1:Should I give her, should I give her a gift? Should I fund her business? Should I, you know, rub her feet? Should I offer her a shoulder to crown? Should I send her soup? Should I cook for her? Right, should I? Should I take her kids to the zoo? Should I plan a surprise date Like what can I do for her so that her fire is always lit? Because I love when her fire is lit.
Speaker 1:Man Life source around me can't get enough of it. But it's not coming from a place of. You need to do this to make me feel comfortable. You don't want to deal with men who need you to do it for them to feel comfortable. You want to. You want to interact with men who do it because it, because they understand the benefit of your, of what you create. They understand the benefit of your pleasure upon the world, upon himself, not because he needs to be made to feel comfortable for your smile. That's not. I need you all to understand the difference here. There is a difference. They put a two in the comments. If you understand the difference. Someone says new affirmation unlocked I am source Life in love, comes through me, it does, it does, comes through our wounds, people.
Speaker 1:People often say, like you know, people, there's a misconception that the egg, like the sperm, are racing to the egg. When the egg, science has proved that the egg is the one that chooses the sperm, a sperm can hit it and be like no, I don't want you to do that. No, I don't want you to do that. No, I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to do that. Go, science has proven that. Hey, beautiful lady, hey girl, how you doing gorgeous. Um, we choose Source life, source creation. But I was on that a lot. I'll be staying on y'all a lot about pleasure, because I just need us high achievers, us women of faith who've been conditioned to be good girls, to get it in our heads.
Speaker 1:The second thing, on how you inspire men to invest in you mentally, emotionally, financially, energetically, is you got to honor your own desire. You got to know how to honor your desire, meaning that you know, you know that you don't want to go for drinks, but you go anywhere because I don't, I don't mind, you know you don't want to do it. So instead you'll just be like I'm not going to go on a date, or you'll just go instead of saying, hey, I actually don't want to go to drinks, I would much rather do blah, blah, blah. We'll be confused Like, oh, this man wants to go out with me, he lives two hours away, he wants me to meet him halfway, but I don't want to meet him halfway. Hey, sir, I would love to see you and I'm excited because I've been listening to your voice all week, but I don't feel comfortable driving two hours to meet you and it's like I'm comfortable. I'm not comfortable with that. If you can come the whole way, that would be amazing. If not, that's okay too. Right. Or another way that we honor our boundaries and to let you guys know honoring your boundaries is being able to express them and being able to protect, prioritize and protect them. So right now I'm talking about expressing these particular desires that you have right Asking a man.
Speaker 1:Hey, on this day, you know, I would love it if you bought me some flowers. I would love it, it would make my day If you bought me some flowers. That would be great. I had a client. She was having a rough time and she said that she requested for a man to show up at her doorstep. Like, show up for her. Afterwards she was like I just need to cry and be held and be hugged and he was there right after she got off of work to do so. I have a client who is not available for sex, but she really, really loves massages. She's like if this is what you can do for me, I would love for you to show up on a weekly basis and give me these massages. Can you do that for me?
Speaker 1:I have had clients have men help them change career paths, have men fund their businesses. Hey, one of my clients. She sent a message I think something was going on with her car and she requested, like she sent him the invoices. And again, these are not men that these women are exclusive with. These are not their men, these are not their boyfriends. These are men that they're dating. We tend to think that we have to wait till we get our man, our exclusive, our boyfriend, to start asking for things, to start requesting things, and you don't, the men will show up for you. Once you've decided that you can be shown up for that, you want to be shown up for that you expect to be shown up for. Your expectation is that they show up for you men in general, not just your man, and so you communicate with the desire is.
Speaker 1:I talk all the time about the guy who used to cook for me and meal plan for me, because I worked, I did taxes and during tax season I was so busy and he would meal plan for the whole week and make sure I had my food. I said, please, can you cook for me? I love when you make that couscous and I love when you put those, those chicken thighs on the grill. Can you please meal like, please have some meals for me. So I don't. You know I have to worry about that this week. You do that for me, and not just expressing the desire, but also protecting the desire and having boundaries around the desire.
Speaker 1:So y'all already know I have a really good friend who doesn't do certain dates. She doesn't do drink dates or coffee dates, but it's not because she feels like it's low effort, it's because she only does goals on dates with men, first dates with men, on dates that excite the man, that really excite the man. And so a man was like, hey, you want to go grab coffee? And she's like I'm unavailable to go coffee. I prefer to go out on first dates with men where they're in their element, where they get excited, where they get lit up, because I just I love to see men excited. It turns me on. So I don't want to go get coffee, I don't want to get drinks, I don't want to go to a place that excites you.
Speaker 1:And she's been on some of the most interesting first dates. One of them was her going to the batting cage. She had one guy take her to the batting cage because that's what excited him, and it didn't matter what they were doing. She was going to do something that, because she loves, she gets turned on by the excitement of men. And so instead of saying, oh, you ain't going to take me on, no coffee days, low effort. She was just like I don't. That doesn't determine effort for me, it doesn't. It doesn't. That's not my desire. It's just not a desire of my. This is my desire. A lot of times we're turning down ideas and we don't even have a desire that we want to go for. We simply just allow the internet, allow the gurus, allow the outside world to tell us what to do or tell us how we should show up, instead of asking like what do I really want? Maybe not coffee, maybe it's this? And also, he took her like indoor sky. And there was another guy who took her indoor skydiving because that's what excited him. So she went on all of these interesting dates because this is, it's what excited these guys, right, and she protected that desire by saying I'm not going to do that, I don't want to do that, I'm unavailable to do that. And it wasn't a passive aggressive, it wasn't mean, it wasn't condescending, it's just like hey, I don't, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:There was a guy that wanted to kiss me on the first date and I said I'm not interested in that, just like that. I'm not interested in that. And he said why not? I said because I don't want to, I'm unavailable to kiss you tonight. He's like wow, okay, I thought I was handsome. I said you are. I said, but you asked me again, I'm going to leave no hard feelings, right, there's no hard feelings. I did ask him, was he super horny? I'm like, sir, when you're horny like that, you don't need to be going on dates. You need to go go masturbate, go do something. But please do not bring me a hard dick Right On the first. Don't do that, sir. Don't come to me hungry. Don't come to me hungry like that. Don't have to get out of the way you starving out here on the first date, sir, go satiate yourself, please. I recommended that he not do that, right? Of course we never saw each other again, but but let me tell you something about that date. Now, some people might have been mad about that date.
Speaker 1:I wasn't Cause y'all know I was clear about my desires. I said for our first date, I would love for you to bring me a book. I'm going to bring a book. You bring a book. Let's talk about these books, what we're reading.
Speaker 1:He ended up gifting me a book. He gifted. He said hey, I know we were just supposed to be bringing books, but I bought you a book because of what you told me you were working on and I think this could help you and I was like, oh, that's so sweet, thank you. But yeah, he turned into a lust book. I was like, sir, don't bring me a hungry dick, I do not want a hungry dick. I just met you, sir, you don't need to come to me hungry like that.
Speaker 1:But I honored my desire by asking for a book on the. I asked for us to do that on the first day. I was like, can you bring your book? I bring my book, let's talk about our books together. And he ended up buying me a book. And then I protected my desire by letting him know I'm on a bail. I'm not going to laugh this off, I'm going to look you dead ass in your eye, sir, I don't want to kiss you Not going to do it. I was just like no, no, why are you asking me that? Like I don't need to know why you're asking. I don't give a damn why you asking me. If I don't want to do it, why do I care? Why are you doing it? I don't want to know. Happy Tuesday. So yeah, the second piece is honoring your desires.
Speaker 1:When you know you want something expressed that you wanted, Then we have this group where women are like a real man should know. That's not true. A real man is not a crystal ball. A woman who is in her power knows how to lead with her feminine desire and allow the masculine to execute it. A woman who is in her power knows how to lead in her feminine desire and allow men to embody their masculine and execute on that desire. Here's what I want as a woman. Can you fulfill it for me? Here's what I burved out of my own dreams. Can you fulfill these dreams for me? Here's what I created out of my own imagination. Can you fulfill them for me? Here's what I want to experience because I got a touch of my body about it. Can you do this for me? Can you fulfill them for me? Personally, you should know it's not the masculine's responsibility to know. It is the responsibility to execute, to do, to handle, to carry out, to contain, and we put it out there for him to execute, for him to act upon, and then we receive it and they love it when we receive it.
Speaker 1:This is why I do not entertain men who think it's gold diggish to ask and express. I don't want to entertain those types of men. It's just too many men that want to see me happy. It's too many my clients. There's too much of that, it's too much right. And then honoring your. So we talked about pleasure being your priority, honoring your desires. And the third is detaching from the outcome. I had clients come to me say, torah, what if he doesn't want to do it? So what, he doesn't do it. You have to be completely detached from the outcome, Meeting that, oh, it's okay that he says no, it's okay if he turns me down, it's okay if he says no to me, that's completely fine, I don't mind. Your desire is not attached to a man, it's not attached to one man, it's not attached to any man, it is yours and it's going to get done if you don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:I remember I requested a man send me a Uber because I didn't feel like driving late at night for the date that he wanted to go on and I was like not going. He said you don't have a car and I was like I do have a car. He was like so why do I need to send you a car? Why do I need to send you a car? I don't think it was Uber, it was like car. Why do I have to see you a car. I was like you don't have to, but I would feel safer and more comfortable because you're asking me to come out at nine o'clock at night to spend time with you, love a car, I would love for you to send a car. And he was just like you don't have a car. I was like this isn't going to work out. It was a pleasure connecting with you. Then I had another guy actually send me the car, no problems. I was just like hell, like a car. He had no problem sending the car.
Speaker 1:The desire can't be attached to whether he says yes or no. You can say no, it's OK, it's completely fine that he say no. And just because a man says no doesn't mean you have to stop connecting with him either. There have been men that I've chosen to continue connection with because that no wasn't a non-negotiable. But if a man wanted me to come out nine o'clock at night and he wanted me to drive myself out at nine o'clock at night, there's a level of safety that he should be concerned about there and he wasn't considering that and so for me, as one of my core values, like that wasn't a part of the deal. So that's why that was a disconnect. But just because a man tells you no, it means nothing.
Speaker 1:It goes back to honoring your desires. I have women who will not ask because they think they're going to get a no. That's not honoring your desires. You have to be detached from the outcome. You have to be willing to expect 30 no's. You have to allow men the right to refuse. But it also allows you the opportunity to see who you're in alignment with, to see who's ready for this.
Speaker 1:And I talked about, I think, last, with the difference between an insecurity and a desire, an insecurity, a desire is not the same thing as an insecurity. Some of us have insecurities and we call them desires. So we're insecure about men showing up for us, so we use desire to prove that he is showing effort, to prove that we are desirable. That's insecurity. That's not you actually sharing a desire there. A desire is completely unattached from you, needing validation. It's nothing about you taking it personally and you do not take it personally on the other person. So you have to be willing to be told no.
Speaker 1:The second thing in detaching from the outcome is you can't need a man to have to do it. If you need it to happen, kiss it goodbye. Kiss it goodbye. If you need men to spend money on you, if you need men to show up for you in a certain way, for you to feel pleased, for you to feel beautiful, for you to feel desired, for you to feel appreciated, for you to feel uplifted, for you to feel adored, if you need these men to do that, forget about it. It's going to choke out any type of energy that a man had to want to invest in you. Imagine a needy man who needs you to like him, who needs to talk to you to feel better, who needs to be around you and talk to you in order to feel like a man. That would be a turn off, wouldn't it? Put a three in the comments If that would be a turn off for you. If he needed that, it would be all in his energy and you could tell that he would need it.
Speaker 1:I remember there was a guy he used to always try to play it cool with me. He would try to play it cool, but energetically. I felt that he needed my attention. He would act very nonchalant, very aloof, but his energy was screaming pay attention to me, I need you to see me. I would say hey, I'm not available for that or hey, no, and then he would be like he would try to play it off and be like, nah, that's cool, I didn't really want that. That was. I'm like you. Why don't you all try to play it like you are not buying for my attention right now, trying to act like you did not really want to do whatever you asked me to do? Just say you really wanted to do it and you were disappointed Cause so I can feel the need seeping through your pores.
Speaker 1:Well, that is the same type of energy that happens when we need men to show up for us. Oh, did he spend this amount of money? He got to spend at least this amount of money. He needs to buy me flowers to prove himself. He needs to buy me something. He needs to do this for my birthday. He needs a man can smile that neediness, smell that neediness from a mile away and it's disgusting.
Speaker 1:You don't like it. It's not good for you either To need it. It's a desire and as long as you're needy for it, it's an insecurity. It's not a desire, it's some. It's some bored. You're trying to feel some validation, some something you're trying, some trauma you're trying to address. But it ain't a desire, because nothing changes who I am and how I show up and how I feel about myself just because somebody didn't want to spend money on me or just because someone told me, no, doesn't work like that, right?
Speaker 1:So I'm about to start asking, answering questions. Put your questions in the question box. I've been on here an hour again, y'all over an hour. I just I tell myself, torah, you know you're gonna shorten these lives. It never. It never works. I'm over time today. Put your questions in the question box.
Speaker 1:So we talked about today how to inspire men to invest in you. Number one you need to prioritize your own pleasure, because as long as you have pleased yourself in seeping out of your pores, the men want to invest in that pleasure. They see how much joy you bring to the world. They see the benefit of your pleasure on the planet in his life, so he wants to pour into it. The second thing is honoring your desire by expressing it clearly, like not holding it in, I don't mind, no, not holding it in, and then also putting boundaries around it.
Speaker 1:I'm unavailable for whatever you're talking about, because this is my desire. I am not open to doing that. Because this is my desire. I am protecting my desire and because I'm protecting my desire and I'm expressing it, it's showing a certain level of confidence, a certain level of self-respect, self-love, and he's like, oh, this woman loves herself, she's commanding, she knows what she wants. Let me continue to give her what she wants. Let me invest in this self-love and this self-respect. Let me invest in her energy. He's not investing in your business. He's investing in your self-love. He's not investing in a purse. He's investing in your self-respect, in your own commitment to yourself. He's not investing in these material things. He's not investing in all this other. He's investing in who you are as a woman. And three detaching from the outcome these men, you cannot be needy about it and you need to be told no, be able to be told no. Now put your questions in the question box if you want me to answer questions from you.
Speaker 1:But this live is an introduction to my workshop, the Well Pleased Woman. If you would like to learn how to confidently put your desires out there and abundantly receive, if you would like to learn how to abundantly receive thoughtful gestures, gifts, new experiences, emotional support, right, my workshop is the Well Pleased Women Workshop. On March 9th, saturday, from 1 pm to 4 pm. If you type desire in the comment section here, either here or on the replay, you will receive a link to the workshop. It is $97 into the end of this week and then it will go up to $197. You will learn how to end the cycle of over-investing and finally allow men to invest into you. You will enhance your overall lifestyle by having men add value to your everyday life.
Speaker 1:Be prepared to identify your delicious desires that you want to experience on a regular basis. Be prepared to express those desires so that men are excited and eager to fulfill them for you. And be prepared to set those boundaries that honor and protect your desires so that you don't settle for less. And then get prepared to lean into the art of receiving your desires without feeling obligation, resistance or guilt. Thing is, guys, this is not a lecture, so the way that I'm talking at you on this live.
Speaker 1:The workshop is gonna be completely different. It's an interactive workshop, interactive workshop, where you will be collaborating with me, collaborating with other participants through hands-on activities, through hands-on discussions. We're gonna do breakout rooms, we're gonna do real-world examples, we're gonna do role play so that you can have the opportunity to apply these concepts real time. So instead of me talking at you, we are going to be building this out together so that you can leave with tangible right. You need to be prepared to be on camera. You need to prepare to be on camera. Now you can have the replay, but if you're coming alive, you need to prepare to be on camera. And for anybody, for the first 100 ladies who saw me for the workshop, I have an Express your Desire Script Bundle and that is a collection of written, powerful scripts and conversation starters designed to help you communicate your desires with clarity, confidence and grace. So the first 100 people who sign up will receive that script bundle and if you've ever attended any of my workshops in the past, especially the conversations that inspire commitment workshop, it's gonna be a time and you are going to leave with results real time. So put desire in the comment section and you will receive the bot DM so that you can sign up for the workshop.
Speaker 1:What are your questions, guys? What are your questions? I'm glad you enjoy CTIC. It was. Tell the people about CTIC, the my workshops. Just tell people about my workshops. My workshops are amazing because we're not just talking at you, it's an interactive experience.
Speaker 1:Someone says how do we stay open and happy while smiling with the world, including other guys, while still being respectful to my man? If your man sees smiling and being happy with the world as disrespectful, then I would see that as a problem. I would see that as a problem If he takes you being open and happy and smiling with a man. Typically that is a man that does not honor the feminine. He likes women but doesn't honor the feminine. Someone says is playback included in the ticket price? Yes, the replay is included in the ticket price. This $97 only lasts until the end of the week and then it's gonna increase to 197.
Speaker 1:Someone says CTIC changed my entire life. I engage differently with all humans differently. I love it. I'm telling you, if you love CTIC, you're going to love this well-pleased women workshop. You're gonna love it. I wish I could screenshot these comments. Are you on this call Nina? Screenshot of these comments. We need these.
Speaker 1:Someone says the workshops are phenomenal and practical that make us see ourselves more than focus on the men we desire. I love it. Okay, thank you. Thank you, winnie, but yeah, any more questions? I'm excited about having our part of the workshop. Anybody else? We good. I don't see any more questions. We good on the questions. I've been here for a long time, though. One thing Tora gonna do Tora gonna talk over an hour and then crash. There's a replay. There is a replay for CTIC as well. You can purchase that. I think you can actually get CTIC at the link in my bio. If you comment connect in the comment section, you can actually get a replay of CTIC and the bonuses that come along with it. If you comment connect, you will receive a link for CTIC actually here and CTIC was a wondrous workshop. Again, ctic started off a few months ago, so this, she said, is so worth it. Yes, ctic is worth it. Y'all, if you enjoy CTIC, you're definitely going to enjoy well-pleased women, definitely.
Speaker 1:Someone says what is the best way to communicate your desire in a feminine way? So I want you guys, the way we've been conditioned to think about the feminine, what we call femininity, is very patriarchal and very misogynistic, and it isn't the truth about the feminine. And so when we say, hey, how do I say this in a feminine way? What we're saying is, how do I say it? Nice and sweet? That's not the feminine. That's simply what we've been taught how to be good girls and how to be agreeable and how to make men comfortable. That's not the feminine. That's a patriarchal identity that was created for us and when we fit into that box, that's men say, oh, she's feminine, that's just being nice. That's nice is not the same thing as feminine, right? So when the fact that you're communicating your desire, the fact that you're communicating your desire is the feminine expression, that's the feminine.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, y'all right, connect didn't work. Y'all, it's C-T-I-C. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, it's C-T-I-C. Y'all. My bad, just put C-T-I-C in the comment section. It's not connect, it's C-T-I-C. Y'all forgive me, please Forgive me. My head is just gone. If you try to connect, it is C-T-I-C. Sorry, I got too much mini chat happening, too much mini chat, my bad guys.
Speaker 1:But the best way to communicate your desire is to express your desire. Just think about how you would want somebody to talk to you as a human being and say it. The expression is the feminine, not like oh, I have to say it nice, and I have to say it soft, and it has to sound like this and it has to be like no, it's just, I would love to do that. That is the expression of the desire. Okay, anything else guys yeah, you can purchase that as a gift, you can. You can purchase any of the workshops as a gift I have. Sometimes I'll have men purchase these for their sisters, their daughters, their cousins. They'll be like Tora, my cousin need this, let me pay for it, tora. I'll be like, okay, anything else? Okay, we're good. I don't even know what I'm asking for questions because I'm burnt out. I love y'all. Bye, I'm looking forward to seeing y'all at the workshop. Comment desire on the replay. Bye, yeah, I'll leave the lab up. All right, queen, that was one hell of an episode. And again, I am always going to be pointing you back to how can you implement something from this into your life today, this week? Right, and join the workshop. Join the Will, please. Woman workshop. Get in the door.
Speaker 1:It's March 9th, saturday, march 9th, from 1 pm to 4 pm, and you are definitely going to want to have access to this content, whether you are in the room live or whether you're watching the replay. This workshop will be. It's not a lecture. It's gonna be very transformative, very hands-on and very interactive. And when you get this podcast, it's gonna be on a Thursday. You're definitely going to want to secure the early bird spot before Saturday, I think it would. That's the 17th. The 17th is the last day to secure the early bird rate. Yeah, the link is in the show notes $97. Go ahead and grab it. This will be the cheapest it will ever be. So go ahead and on, go ahead and on, go ahead, on and get it, girl. All right, I shall talk to you soon. Oh, and leave a review, girl, stop playing. Leave a written review. I read them all. I love you and I'll see you next time. Bye.