Date with Cents

Giving Men Consent To Pursue You

February 22, 2024 TorahCents Episode 71
Giving Men Consent To Pursue You
Date with Cents
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Date with Cents
Giving Men Consent To Pursue You
Feb 22, 2024 Episode 71
TorahCents

Send us a Text Message.

One of the easiest ways to connect with quality men in public is to give them CONSENT. 


Listen to this episode if you want to learn why going outside and looking pretty is not enough to get approached…AND how you can begin getting approached by quality men as early as this week. 


Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…


…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year. 



OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:


Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop


Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard 


Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.



Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation



Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Send us a Text Message.

One of the easiest ways to connect with quality men in public is to give them CONSENT. 


Listen to this episode if you want to learn why going outside and looking pretty is not enough to get approached…AND how you can begin getting approached by quality men as early as this week. 


Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…


…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year. 



OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:


Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop


Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard 


Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.



Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation



Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Speaker 1:

Hello, gorgeous, welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. I am feeling oh, I'm really tingly. I'm feeling very inspired, very excited, extremely optimistic. On a previous podcast, I remember talking about how I told my coach at the beginning of last year 2023, that I wanted more power and that I was going to get it. And by the end of the year, I had so much more internal power and so much in my life. And if you want to listen to that episode, I think it's like having more power while dating. You can go check that out to like hear my story behind that and I really committed to that. Like creating more power in my life, meaning that I had to take more responsibility in my life. And this year I have decided that I am going to be focused on being more self committed, like I'm going to commit to being self committed and I am so excited about it.

Speaker 1:

And by self committed I mean like unwavering belief in myself, unwavering faith in myself, unwavering, just committed to my desires and achieving them for myself. So when you are unwavering, nothing outside of you can tell you different. There is nothing anybody can say to make you believe less in yourself, and there's also nothing anybody can say, to validate you, to make you feel better about yourself. You are the one who validates you. You are the person who is extremely clear on what you bring to the world, what you, what you're capable of doing. And I'm a high achieving woman of faith who was conditioned to be a good girl. And I still see someone at residue now, like not just where I play small in different areas of my life and then myself in different areas of my life, but also me looking for outside approval or validation that I'm capable of doing something, looking for other people to say oh yeah, you can do that tour, oh yeah, it's possible for you. Like I just noticed those places and I'm like I'm not really committed to myself If I need that before I can decide that no, I'm capable of this even without your validation, even if everyone tells me I can't do it. Like I need to be so self committed that none of that matters.

Speaker 1:

And, as I mentioned on a previous podcast episode might've been last week's I've been so inspired by Kanye West and I don't get into his meltdowns or his episodes or like the controversy surrounded by him, and if you're a client of a student of mine, you know I do not engage in the drama triangle like persecution mode on people on purpose, like that's not something that I do. I don't get into any of that, especially considering everyone has messiness and it's just. You know his is put on display, but any who outside of that. I'm extremely inspired by his level of self commitment to himself and I ended up watching his documentary Genius. I recommend that everybody watch it. I do not care if you disagree with some of the things he does and he says this documentary has nothing to do with that. Right, you should. If you open your mind and watch this documentary, you will pull something out that is going to inspire you to be more self committed, for sure.

Speaker 1:

But it starts off. The documentary starts off. He's like 17 years old and he's being followed around by a cameraman from a span of like 20 years. It's crazy, but it starts off when he's 17 years old and Kanye was the same Kanye at 17, then that he was in his 40s, and by same I mean same level of self commitment. There was no doubting his mind of what he was capable of doing and capable of achieving and he was like he was what 17, 18 years old, practicing his Grammy speech of winning a Grammy. It didn't matter that rappers were laughing at him and was ignoring him. When he said that he was a rapper, they were just like, nah, he just make the beats. Right, it didn't matter.

Speaker 1:

When he went to Rockefeller Records and he started playing his music and everyone in the building just act like he was not there, like none of that mattered, he said I'm going to get signed. He got signed by Rockefeller Records and it didn't matter that they was not releasing his album. They did not give him an album, released it because they were like he's signed, but we're shelving him. They did not see the value in who he was. They didn't need to see the value, right, because he ended up funding his own music video because they would not do it, which was like $33,000. And even before that, it didn't matter that an accident broke his jaw into several places, right, where they said that he probably would never be the same. It didn't matter. He literally took his pain from the accident and that is what catapulted him to Rockefeller, recognizing that, oh, this is going to be a big artist, right. None of this stuff mattered when people were telling him he couldn't do this or do that. He just knew he was just like.

Speaker 1:

I will never understand when people say that like you just got to downplay yourself, like, no, I'm great, you know I am great and yeah, I just. You definitely should go ahead and check it out. One of the bars that I saw and I kept rewinding it. A reporter asked Kanye. She said hey, if you know, did you know many years ago that you would be winning Grammys? And he said no, he said that's not it. He said I told everyone I was going to be winning Grammys and they didn't believe me. And I'm like yo, like that is what. That's the epitome of self commitment. Regardless of what people are doing or saying, you know what you are capable of doing and you making it. You make it happen and I want you to have strong self commitment. I want my clients and my students to have strong commitment. They're like.

Speaker 1:

There are women who are coming to me that feel like they are not desirable just because, like, because men are not approaching them, not realizing that if they self committed to believing how desirable they actually are, they would be approached everywhere. There are women who do not believe that they are worthy of men investing in them time and time and energy and financially believing it. But if they just believe that, oh yeah, men, just men want to invest in me. I am a woman worthy of investment, right, that level of self commitment will actually manifest into what you really want to experience over time. But the belief has to come first. The self commitment has to come first. We cannot rely on men to provide the commitment that we're not willing to provide ourselves. So, anyway, I want more self commitment this year for sure, and I want you, my clients, students, to have more self commitment. So yeah, there's that.

Speaker 1:

But what we're here to talk about today? We're here to talk about inviting men to pursue you, and we might as well be self committed to that as well. Right, one of the easiest ways to connect with quality men in public is to give them consent, and that is simply giving men the permission to pursue you. It is inviting men to pursue you because when you invite men to pursue you, it lets them know that it is safe, that it is low risk, that it is okay to initiate contact with you, to initiate a connection with you, without him feeling like he's intruding on you or making you uncomfortable, because, as women, we've been conditioned to think, oh, all I need to do is go out and look pretty and that is going to lead to men approaching me. And then we get all shocked and surprised when no man ever approaches us, no matter how good we look, no matter how delicious we look.

Speaker 1:

Now we might get approached by men old enough to be our granddaddies and what we may call as men of the dusty caliber, but that is because these men have lower inhibitions. Number one they're not concerned about risk, especially the guys on the dusty spectrum. They're just throwing spaghetti at the walls and hoping it sticks. They're hollering at everybody. They're just like let me just throw spaghetti, let me see who catches it. And then older men are kind of like the older you get, the lower your inhibitions is, and so it's different. So we're talking about men that we really, really want, men that we see of a higher caliber.

Speaker 1:

These men are very concerned about their interactions with people. They're concerned about their reputation, they're concerned about making sure they keep clean hands, and so they are going to need consent, because you simply going out and looking pretty isn't consent. The same way, it isn't consent for sex, right. So just imagine if you were in a house with a guy and he believes that just because you were in his house, you wanna have sex with him, right? Just because you were on his couch, he just assumes you wanna have sex and he just pounces on you Instead of getting explicit consent from you that you want to do this, that you are ready to do this. I hope you see the difference here.

Speaker 1:

Now. You simply going out and looking pretty isn't consent because you could be pretty and married. How would he know? Right Now, some of you might be like well, I don't have a wedding ring on. I'm like there's tons of people who don't wear wedding rings, including me. Like I haven't worn my wedding ring, but almost never, unless I was recording a video so I wouldn't be dragged online for it. Right, they don't know. Like you could be pretty and uninterested. You might be single, but you also might be uninterested in his approach. We see it all the time A man approaches and you just try to look the other way and you don't wanna engage because maybe he's not attractive enough for you, or maybe he doesn't appeal to you, and so you might be pretty and uninterested, or you might be pretty and you don't wanna be bothered. Maybe you had a rough day. Maybe the stars have not aligned with you and you're not open to talking to people. So you might be pretty and you don't wanna be bothered. So going out and looking pretty is not consent.

Speaker 1:

Consent looks like there's a guy. He's staring at you. You notice him staring at you and instead of acting like you don't see the guy, you wave back at him. You wave when you notice him staring or you might wave him over. If you see, I've done that in the past. I've seen a man staring at me and I'm like you're staring. Come sit beside me, sir. You know. Consent. Looks like you see a guy maybe he's sitting in an empty seat at a hotel bar and then you choose to slide in the seat beside him and you ask him about his meal, you ask him about the menu, you ask him does he enjoy this place, right sitting in an empty seat beside him.

Speaker 1:

Or if you're having a conversation this happens plenty of times when you notice the conversation is going well and women are like well, he didn't ask for my number. Well, are you available for your number to be given out? And if you notice the conversation is going well with him and he's very into it. Just go ahead and offer your number, give him consent that I am available to be pursued, because there are a lot of nice people in this world. Hell, I myself have met a lot of nice men who were not available to pursue me Right, but we've had nice conversations, we've engaged, we've enjoyed the company of one another in the space that we were in, but that didn't mean that that was going to be anything romantic outside of that. So, as a woman, you need to make it clear that, hey, I am open and available for something more than platonic if you are interested, because there's also a lot of nice women who will have a conversation with you but are not interested in moving forward. So let the man know and give him consent if things are going well.

Speaker 1:

I remember being in a grocery store and this guy he came up to me. He was like do I know you from somewhere? And I was like no, do you want to get to know me? Right, I figured he didn't know me at all. He just that was just one of the things that he used to come and approach me. And so we were having this conversation and we were talking and I had to go. Right, I came in there for some simple things to take, you know, to the house and I said, hey, this conversation is going well. Let me give you my number. You can call me later. I gotta go right, just so. It's such a simple thing, right? And One of the biggest reasons why we're not giving men consent to approaches is because we believe that if a real man is interested, that we wouldn't have to do all that because he would just approach.

Speaker 1:

And it's extremely flawed thinking, especially in this modern day World, and it's the reason why so many of us are not being approached, because we still adhere to this, this, this, this flawed thinking. So, in the past, when we say what, I want to go back to the good old days when, when men were approaching women and and men would just walk up to women and I'm like Back in a day, men had control over our money. It was just in the 1960s where women got the right to Get their own credit cards in their names. Right, men no longer control our money. They no longer control our politics, where they would be in control of our vote, of our political views. They no longer control our bodies, even though they try so very much, and what I mean by that is Now a man. You know, back in the day there was no such thing as rape. If you were married, you just if you're, if the man took it from you, that wasn't considered rape. Now it is like your spouse Could force you to have sex and it be determined as rape, because they don't own our bodies anymore and Women have more choice than ever before.

Speaker 1:

Back in the day, when we didn't have much choice, men felt very, very entitled To our, to our space. They felt very entitled to our affection and attention, and so you simply being, you know, approached on men. That wasn't, that wasn't like an indicator of, like you know, some romantic Endeavor where men are there to win our affection. A lot of that came from entitlement right, and so men, as fathers and husbands, no longer control those things our money, our politics, our body and we just have more choice. And so this has led, in my opinion, to a beautiful thing. It has led to men learning to respect our choices, men learning to respect our space and not looking to dominate us, not looking to control us. And so men who are of a quality Nature, who are higher caliber they are not randomly approaching women like, quote-unquote, the good old days. Like we like to romanticize the good old days and I'm like when? When was the good old days where it was so great for women and dating like, please tell me. Because these men do not feel entitled to our attention and affection like men did in the past when they just controlled so much of who we were as women. And so, the same way that Giving consent for sex keeps men out of trouble, right when we give men consent, when they, when they look for consent, giving consent to men to be pursued also keeps them out of trouble.

Speaker 1:

It feels good when it's like we, when men know that we are open and we're ready, they don't have to worry about bothering you, they don't have to worry about you not wanting the approach. It keeps them out of trouble. And when you give men consent, you'll have more quality men pursue you in public, not just what we call the Dusties or Granddaddies. Right, you will have more quality men pursue you in public because they will feel safe enough to approach you. They'll feel safe and providing this level of clarity, like when you invite men to pursue you, when you give them consent. It's clarity and when they have that level of clarity they rarely hold back right Because it leads them to be excited to get to know you because they have clarity. It leads them to be intentional about pursuing you, because they have clarity that this is okay.

Speaker 1:

Not, she's not just pretty, but she's open. She's not just pretty, but she's available. She's not just pretty, but she's reciprocating. She's not just pretty, but she wants to see if something could happen here, just like me. And if you're listening to this in consent sounds challenging because of good girl conditioning, where you feel you may feel intimidated to invite men to pursue, to give them permission you might fear judgment or rejection to do some of the things that I mentioned earlier, like you might feel that way to put yourself out there.

Speaker 1:

And that is what I help with in my power and passion partnership coaching. And it's my private one-to-one coaching program for high achieving, unchurched women of faith who desire to work with me closely to become in high demand in the dating world and finally take men on their level, meaning financially stable, emotionally available. And in this private one-to-one coaching you're going to learn how to let go of your good girl that is holding you back from showing a bully in your love life and channel your love of girl energy so that the same unwavering confidence you exuding your personal, in your professional achievements, extends seamlessly into your dating journey. And so working together, I'll show you how to invite men to pursue you in a responsible way in all social settings, so that you avoid connecting with the wrong types of men and feeling foolish about it. So I know people are probably concerned. What if he has a girlfriend? What if he's married? What if?

Speaker 1:

I'll help you avoid connecting with the wrong types of men and feeling foolish around that?

Speaker 1:

And then you'll also learn how to create conversations that lead to men asking for your number, that lead to men making plans to see you again, because you're probably wondering okay, after I invite him to pursue me, what happens next? Like after I provide the signal, like what happens next? So you'll learn how to create these interactions and these conversations that lead them to asking for your number. And I'll also teach you the practical and energetic techniques to meeting quality men, so that you have an endless pipeline of dating prospects and more enjoyable dating experiences, even if you have a demanding schedule already. And so we'll work together to go beyond surface level dating advice so that you can elevate your interactions with men and inspire them to pursue you without you feeling desperate or thirsty girl. So if you're interested in becoming a private client, the next step is to book a sales call with me. The link will be in the show notes and you can go ahead and book a call and on this call we're gonna meet on Zoom and we'll have a chat about the current state of your love life and see if working together makes sense. So go ahead to the show notes, book your sales call and we can kind of talk about what working together would look like in the next few months.

Speaker 1:

But I hope you enjoyed the episode, girl. Hope you were inspired. Well, you know what Self commitment. I know you was inspired. Ain't no hope, ain't no hope. I know you were inspired because I dropped too many gems here and if you were not inspired, you were not listening. Alright, go ahead and give this episode the five stars it deserves. Leave a written review and until next time, bye.

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Giving Consent in Dating Interactions