If men aren’t investing in you…it’s not because you’re too old, or too plus-sized or need to “heal” or in the wrong zip code…
I’m more than sure you’re making simple mistakes when you’re interacting with men that you don’t even notice.
Listen to this episode if you want to discover what mistakes you’re making that attract men who don’t invest in you…and repel quality men who would.
Join The Well-Pleased Woman Workshop - Join the workshop at the Special price of $197 before the price increases.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
If men aren’t investing in you…it’s not because you’re too old, or too plus-sized or need to “heal” or in the wrong zip code…
I’m more than sure you’re making simple mistakes when you’re interacting with men that you don’t even notice.
Listen to this episode if you want to discover what mistakes you’re making that attract men who don’t invest in you…and repel quality men who would.
Join The Well-Pleased Woman Workshop - Join the workshop at the Special price of $197 before the price increases.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Hello, love a girl, welcome back to the day with SensePodcast. Today's episode is going. It's long, but it is so incredible, so I'm not even going to prolong too much of the time. For you to listen to this. It is so, so good. And you definitely need to listen to this episode because so many of us women who are not experiencing the abundance of men and what they can bring to us and what they can, and what kind of value that they can add and how they show up, a lot of times we we're told like women, we're told like oh, it's because you're a certain age and you shouldn't expect that, or because you're a certain way, or or you're broken, right, or you're broken. They'll convince you that you're broken and you need healing, and I want to tell you that it's none of that. It's simply some mistakes that are coming up, and we can, you know, get these mistakes in check and so that you can start feeling the abundance. Oh, and before I get to this episode, I want to remind you that the Well Please Women Workshop March 9th, we are we still are enrolling people. So if you want to go ahead and jump into the Well Please Women Workshop, there's going to be a link in the show notes, and during this workshop, I'm going to teach you how to ask men for what you want and how to receive it, how to make sure the men you date at tangible value to your life, and how to activate the generosity and men who are ready to invest their time, energy and money to make your life better. Okay, it's March 9th. Grab your ticket, grab your seat, grab, register but the link will be in the show notes for you to join us March 9th. First, do what one o'clock to four PM, central standard time. There would be a replay, if you cannot make it live, and it's not a lecture, it's an interactive session. There are hands on activities, there is hot seat coaching, real world examples and role play so that you can apply the concepts real time. So definitely register for that, because this live is centered around the mistakes that you're making before you even come to this workshop. So any who, without further ado, here is the episode Hello little girls, hey, love a girl. So hope you're doing awesome today, and it's another episode of mistakes that attract men who won't invest in you Now.
Speaker 1:So, as the title states, today we are talking about the mistakes that attract men who do not invest in you. And when I say invest, I am talking about the men providing everyday assistance. I'm talking about thoughtful gestures, acts of service. I'm talking about physical pleasure, new experiences, emotional support, enhanced lifestyle. Those types of things are what I'm talking about, okay, today, when I say men investing in you.
Speaker 1:So, that being said, hi, my name is Tora and I help high achieving, unchurched women of faith attract higher quality men and date deliciously towards the romantic partnership they desire, whether that be marriage or something else. Right, and I do want to remind you about the well pleased women workshop on Saturday, march 9, saturday, from 1pm to 4pm, central standard time. And in that workshop, I will teach you how to ask men for what you want and get it. You will learn how to make sure the men you date add tangible value to your life and you will learn how to activate the generosity and men who are ready to invest their time they're energy and money to make your life easier. What I'm going to be teaching the workshop is what my clients have applied, those principles, and it has led them to accepting from accepting crumbs right to men, just showing up for them and providing the everyday assistance, providing the material gifts, providing the emotional support, the financial assistance. If you're interested in attending the workshop, it is $197 at this time. The price will be going up again and you can put desire type desire in the comment section and you will receive a link to the workshop for you to show up. It's not a lecture, it's a workshop, is interactive and you will be able to leave the workshop with the tangible transformation. So, put desire in the comment section and you will receive the link. Okay, any who.
Speaker 1:Let's get back to what was talking about today. A huge part of dating deliciously is enjoying, just enjoying how the men show up for you, enjoying how the men invest in you. Like that's like a huge part of the delicious dating process, because if it's not happened, how will you date and deliciously? And if you are dating and men are not currently investing in you in the ways that I just mentioned, it's not because you're not the type of woman, right, we will have people on podcasts, mics, declare that you got to look a certain way, you got to be a certain age, you got to be a certain way, you got to be this small and you got to have your body like this in your hair, like no, that's not it. I've had clients who, again, plus 40, 50, plus, be able to achieve these things. I have had clients be plus size and achieve these things. I have had clients where natural hair, you know, like, like this, like natural hair, and be able to do this.
Speaker 1:Women who are darker skin, you know, we kind of think that, oh, a certain complex, that woman is the one that can receive these types of things. It doesn't matter, right, as long as you are willing to show up a certain way, you can have it. You can have it okay, and it's not because something is wrong with you. It's not because something is wrong with you and it's not because you're not worth it. I don't want anyone to ever convince you that you cannot have men invest in you because you don't meet these qualifications, or you don't look like this, or you're not this particular age right? Never. I hear people say it all the time like, oh, you can't expect those types of things. I will never tell you that, because I've helped women all across the world, in different countries and continents, do this, all different ways of life. There are no cookie cutter women here getting these results. There are only women who are committed to showing up for themselves and doing the work.
Speaker 1:Now let's get into today's lesson. Flo says a guy had to cancel our date due to a death of a friend. He says he had surprises for me and I will surely make up for canceling. I asked him to include flowers. That's what I'm talking about, flo. Shout out to my clients. Shout out to my clients. Someone else said I was Charlotte, said I was just listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1:First session and delicious dating. So let's talk about these mistakes. Let's see if I can get done before an hour today we're going to see. Talk about these mistakes. So the first mistake that you're making, if men are not investing in you, is you're making the mistake of martyrdom. Martyrdom You're playing the role of a martyr and it is a form of self abandonment. I talk about self abandonment all the time, and that is when you sacrifice your personal desires. It is when you sacrifice your needs, your wellbeing, for the sake of others, for the sake of a man. Now here's the thing Many of us who are martyrs while dating are also martyrs in our everyday life, meaning that we are people who overextend ourselves.
Speaker 1:We are people who over give people the benefit of the doubt we are over accommodating and it's at our detriment, because being over accommodating, being over forgiving, right for people who are not able to show up for us the way that we show up for them. We end up becoming resentful because we have decided to lay ourselves on the cross, to be sacrificed so that other people don't get their feelings hurt, so that other people feel good. Even if we don't feel good, other people feel good. And how it shows up in dating is a man keeps canceling plans. He's canceled maybe like two plans by now, maybe three, and you're disappointed. But you haven't set a boundary around it and you continue to accept his invitations and hoping he will change his behavior. You might come up with something like oh you know, he's just so busy. He's a good man, savannah, he has a lot going on.
Speaker 1:I don't and I tell my clients all the time I don't care if he was Jack Bauer in damn CIA saving the world. If it is something that you are not in alignment with him canceling on you twice, maybe he has to go save the president, but that ain't none of your business. You have to decide. Am I just because I wanna be with Jack Bauer? Am I gonna sacrifice my own desire. Jack Bauer is not gonna stop canceling dates. Let's just get that clear, cause he's always stopping terrorist attacks. He's always torturing people, right, on behalf of the America. He's always out there hopping in front of guns and saving kids from burning buildings and stuff. He's never gonna. He's not stopping that. And so you're like well, he's one of these days. This good man is just gonna not cancel dates. He can be a good man and still cancel dates with the fact that you are hoping things change and you are feeling disappointed again. It's martyrdom. I'm gonna fall on my cross because this man needs to go save the world.
Speaker 1:No, keeping your schedule clear and available is another way. You are a martyr. You keep your schedule clear. You keep your schedule open because, oh, the man I like, ooh, he is going to ask me out, he's gonna call me and so I'm gonna make sure I got time for him. By keeping my schedule open, I'm not gonna plan too many things. I know this is the day he usually asked me. He usually asked me on Tuesday night. I wanna be available for that. So I'm not gonna put on my schedule for Tuesday night Martyr feeling.
Speaker 1:So you might be dating a busy man, right, a busy man doing amazing things in the world? Right, and you're hoping that one day he gets unbusy? Right? When tax season is over, he's gonna have time for me. When he's over presenting this case in court, he's gonna have time for me. When he gets back from his trip from the moon, he's gonna have time for me. Yeah, and we feel very unfulfilled because and we keep putting our emotional eggs in this one basket because we're like my God, he's an astronaut. I should definitely wait on this good man. He's an amazing defense attorney. Like I need to wait on him. He's so busy. Things are gonna clear up Now.
Speaker 1:Here's the thing. There's nothing wrong with continuing to date a busy man. But we do not wait on a busy man. We don't wait. We create with other men while that man is busy. Here what I have to say again we do not wait on busy men. We create with other men while he's being busy. See the difference If you're sitting and waiting and you're just distracting yourself with other men. Creating with other men is not the same thing as distracting yourself Like, oh, I really want him, I'm just gonna distract myself with these other men, versus like, oh, I am enjoying him and love with all of these men over here and I'm in love with him, but he's on the moon and when he gets back from the moon then I'll enjoy him. Okay, that's not what we are here doing. That's not what we are here. We're waiting on these men again.
Speaker 1:Martyrdom, martyrdom. Also, you're uncomfortable with what a man is saying to you. He's saying something and it makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he's making a sexual gesture. Maybe he is bringing a conversation up that you said you don't want to talk about, no more, and it's making you feel uncomfortable. But instead of saying something about it and setting a clear boundary, saying hey, I'm unavailable for this conversation and I am about to be out if we continue to have it, you don't say anything because you don't want to seem like you're overreacting or rocking the boat. Martyrdom. Or, I have seen women only talk about the things that men want to talk about, because the men have not expressed interest or excitement about what they were talking about. So they're like well, if I'm going to engage in this conversation, let's talk about something he's excited about, and it's all the things that he wants to talk about. So she continues to talk on the phone with this man, continues to go on a date with this man, even though she can never talk about what she want to talk about martyrdom.
Speaker 1:And as long as you are prioritizing a man's needs and desires above your own, you are sending the signal that men can take you for granted. You're literally just turning the radio station to take for granted. Take this girl for granted. And every man on that frequency is going to say, yes, let me destroy her life, let me use her up for my own desire because she's just going to fall on her stake and die for me. That's what happens and you're like why won't men invested me? You're sending the signal that you're not to be invested in. You are a woman that's going to fall on your cross and die for these men.
Speaker 1:And when a woman consistently sacrifices her own well-being, happiness and bellenderies in favor of pleasing men or in favor of avoiding conflict with men, it sends a clear message that men do not need to put in effort, men do not need to reciprocate because you have fallen on your cross. You know how Christ got on the cross for the people. Well, we don't have to do it. We fall along the cross for these men, so they don't have to do it. They don't have to invest. No, I don't do it.
Speaker 1:Okay, someone says I call that practicing holding space for men. You know, because we harm them and y'all. It lets quality men know that you don't respect yourself, quality men who want to invest in you see that you do not respect yourself. So just imagine, like you know, us ladies are like, who are in the stock market and we're looking for stocks to invest in, we're looking for index funds to invest in. You don't want to invest in a stock that you feel has gone down in value, like you don't want to do that unless you know it's going back up, right, but you don't want to go knowing that that stock is like super, super low value. So if you're not respecting yourself, it's going to send a signal to quality men like why would he put his investment here? It is someone that is not going to number one, be able to have the capacity for his investment. So you're not going to be able to use the investment for what it needs to be used for.
Speaker 1:And again, I'm not just talking about money, I'm talking about emotional investment. I'm talking about a man showing up with the simple pleasures, right Favors, all those types of things. Now, all of it right. So the first one is martyrdom. That's the first mistake is martyrdom. If you got what I put down, put a one in the comments. If all of this is making sense, put a one in the comments. If it's not making sense, please put your question in the question box and I will answer questions later. Please put your questions in the question box If you have a question that comes up for you and I will answer at the end of this live.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, the next mistake that we are making is mothering. Mothering and mothering is a form of rescuing men, and it is when we take on a care, take a role in a man's life, where we assume the responsibility for a man's well-being, his emotional needs and his life management. Now, some of you are hearing the term mothering and you're like I would never mother a man. Let me show you some sneaky ways. We end up mothering a man, right? A man is complaining about his job and he's telling you about how hard the job is and how it's stressing him out, and you spent hours listening to his ayes about it. Mothering you offer advice. Mothering you try to cheer him up like, oh no, like you're a good employee, like, no, like you're so smart. They gotta be crazy if they don't see the great lawyer before them, the great astronaut before them. They gotta be crazy if they can't see this accountant, this amazing CPA, if you didn't get the promotion. Try to cheer him up. And you talking, you listening to this man. It's been an hour. You still listening to this man about his, about what's happening. Hell of hour. You listen to him for an hour About it.
Speaker 1:Mothering, if a man tells you some of the problems that he's having getting his business off the ground right, so he's getting his business off the ground you are. You have already established your business, you're already doing well in your business and he's working nine to five. But he's also starting his site. Hustle his business so that he can get free from his job. And you start volunteering to help him get his LLC together. Like, oh, I did this, let me show you how to do this. You helping him restructure. You helping him create content. Like I gotta be. I gotta be the woman he needs. So you know, he gotta know that I know what I'm talking about. So you give him all these ideas. You telling him where he should, who he should follow on Instagram. You helping, right? You helping showing him how to write a business plan. Like you doing all of that.
Speaker 1:Someone says I immediately come up with three to four solutions to his problems to show my value. Right, it's mothering. That man is an adult enough to figure out his business the same way you were an adult enough to figure out yours. I'm going to say that again. This man is adult enough to figure out his business the same way you were adult enough to figure out yours. When you come in and put your cape on to try to save the day, what you are doing is saying you're not capable, let me help. You're not able to do this like I did it. Let me help you, let me save you, let me mother you. That's what we're doing. Maybe this man is in need of professional services and you are the professional. So maybe he needs taxes done and you are a CPA who specializes in taxes, right? Maybe he is. Maybe he needs help with a contract, right? If he needs help with the contract and you, what you do is you are a contract attorney and you decide to look over his contract as the contract attorney for him, for free. You decide to look over his tax return for free. That is what you do, right, that is what you do. It's a problem. Someone says BS Men is not going to talk that long.
Speaker 1:I did not know you dated men. I had no idea that you dated men to even know how long they would talk to a woman on the phone. That's crazy. I didn't know that. Thank you for letting me know, because us women who date men know what if we know men who will talk for hours to women? So I had no idea you dated men. So interesting, kevin had no idea. I think it's hilarious, by the way, guys, I think it's hilarious when men come and tell us what men don't do when they're operating with the opposite sex. It's freaking crazy. Like you really think that men are going to interact with you the same way they do with this. I mean, look at me, you got the same things I got. I mean, come on, of course he ain't talking to you that long. Look at me, how do you know? Unless you play for the other team. That's the only way you would. That's the only way you would know and have an opinion, because if you play for the other team. Anyway, let's get back to the show.
Speaker 1:Oh, this man has things coming up in his life. You know some things happening in his life and you're like sending him text messages like, oh, just to remind you, you got this going on. Oh, hey, your daughter's appointment is coming up, or hey, did you remember the event that you have coming up? Or there's this thing where this man and men are like if I got dirty dishes in my sink and you walk in my house and you don't wash them, then I already know you're not wife material, sir. I wouldn't expect for you to wash dirty dishes in my house. It's grown Right. If you go into a man's house right, this is not. First of all, it's not your man and you see dishes in his sink and you go wash them. It's mothering. You pick and stuff off the floor and say, oh my gosh, like you have this on the floor. Leave it right there, leave it, and if your house is a mess, might turn around and walk out. Okay, okay, as long as you are being a man's caretaker, as long as you are mothering.
Speaker 1:You are sending the signal that men can find comfort, men can find security, men can find support without them needing to show up for themselves, let alone you. We not even getting to you. They don't have to show up for themselves. No one is going to show up for you harder than they're going to show up for themselves. He's not even showing up for himself. No man is going to show up for you harder than he's going to show up for himself. He don't have the capacity to show up for himself. He don't have the capacity to build his own business. He not going to do nothing with yours.
Speaker 1:Okay, and it sends a clear message to quality men that you don't value yourself enough to have boundaries. Quality men are like she don't have boundaries. She doesn't value herself enough to have boundaries. Therefore, the investment doesn't go with you. It's not because you're broken. It's not because something is wrong with you. It's not because you do not fit the aesthetic that men invest in.
Speaker 1:It's because of mistakes. That is it. You clean up the mistakes. That's fine. That's like me getting up here as coaches getting up here and people not signing up to work with them. It has nothing to do with if people aren't looking to work with you. It has nothing to do with your looks. Something's wrong with you. There's always somebody out here that would want to work with who you are as a person. But there could be mistakes that you're making in your content creation or in your messaging.
Speaker 1:That's the second one. Put a two in the comments if you're picking up what I'm putting down here. If it's making sense, put a two in the comment section. So the third mistake that you're making so we did the first mistake, I mean. The second mistake was mothering.
Speaker 1:The third mistake is masking, and this is a sneaky one. It's so sneaky for high achieving women of faith. It's a form of self-guarding and especially as high achievers women, it's when we hold back and we're very reserved about our true thoughts, our true emotions, our true feelings, out of fear of being seen, out of fear of being judged, out of fear of being criticized. And here's how it shows up while dating. You never really talk about like you talk about what you do every day. You know, when you're talking on the phone with man, it's like what did I do today? You're talking about what you've done, what you're about to get into. You never really talk about how you feel, what's happening for you, what's happening in your body at this very moment. Tell me about the errors that you run the show, that you watched the food you're about to cook the job you just got off of the project. You're working on the things you did today, like you're doing, but you never talk about how you're actually feeling.
Speaker 1:I'm feeling really distraught right now because blah, blah, blah. I'm feeling really excited right now because blah, blah, blah. I'm feeling really grounded right now because blah, blah, blah. I'm feeling really drained right now because of blah, blah, blah. Right, it looks like avoiding vulnerable conversations that reveal your true feelings, your true fears, your true doubts, your true uncertainties. You avoid those types of conversations because I can't let the man I don't even know like in here like this. I can't let him know that this how I'm feeling and know like I'm good. He just gotta know I'm good. Yeah, sometimes you're not good, sometimes there is doubt, sometimes there is anxiety, sometimes there is fear and he's like how are you doing? I'm fine, I'm okay, I'm good, I'm well.
Speaker 1:I was at the gym yesterday I'm not yesterday, but like a while back with the biz buddy of mine, y'all. I was literally crying. I was crying at the gym and I had moved my things. I had my things by a guy and I moved them so I can sit with the biz buddy. And he came over and I waved, I told him bye and he came over and he was just like. He was just like I saw that you move your things and I was like, yes, I moved my things because I needed space to be by myself and I needed to cry in this corner over myself. And he was like, oh no, oh no. He came and sat down and we had a conversation and in the middle of the conversation he was just like he already had some things that he, some people he wanted to set me up with to relieve me of what I was crying about, which was extremely helpful. And it was just me, just being honest. I'm sitting here in this gym crying my ass off. Feelings are hurts, things are going awry and I need some professional help here. Things have fallen through. And so he was just like, oh, I got you. I was like, okay, thank you for having me. I'm putting up walls to avoid being hurt.
Speaker 1:This is where we want to pretend that we do not like a man as much, or we hold back our feelings for a man because we don't want. We're fear that he's gonna take advantage of us. So if we really really like a guy and we're really excited about we, try to play it cool. We don't say I really like you the second day. You know a man and you really like him, I really like you. Maybe I might not like you a week from now, it doesn't matter, cause I like you today. I'm not thinking like I'm not gonna say I like him today cause I might not like him tomorrow. Things change. The world is not static, it's fluid.
Speaker 1:I might like you today and not like you next week, but today you shall know that I like you and you shall know that your smile is beautiful and you shall know that I like your teeth, sir, I like those dimples. I like the way you wear that sweater. I like the way you came at me. I love it, love how you talk to me. It's been three days, but I love how you talk to me. Ooh, I love it.
Speaker 1:I love how you say my name. Say it again. Say my name again. Say it again, ha ha, I don't care if I'm not talking to you next week. Say my name today. Say it like I want you to say it. Sir, I love the way you express yourself to me Ooh. I love, ooh, when men are expressive. Sir, I just love the way you express yourself to me and how honest you have been and how open you've been. Like that is just so attractive to me. I think that's so sexy. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for sharing. We don't want to express ourselves because you're like it's only been two days. Who gives a damn? Do you feel it? Okay then? Is it true? Okay then, oh.
Speaker 1:So someone says or I wait until I know exactly why I like you or what I'm going to say that will get your attention and make you fall in love, or else I'm not opening up. Listen, you have all this awareness. You ain't even gotta know why you like the man. You ain't even gotta know I really like you and I don't know why you could say that I really love being around you. It's been a week. I don't care. Next week is none of my business. Next week is none of my business. I'm only worried about this weekend. Today, honey, that's it. And I need to tell you what I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 1:Someone says I like you today and not sure about tomorrow's a wild concept, but it's the truth. It's the truth, it's honest, it's authentic. There is no. I'm gonna hold myself back because I don't want him thinking a certain way. I'm gonna hold myself back because I don't want him to take advantage of me. You can't ever take advantage of a woman with boundaries. You just can't. I'm gonna hold myself back because I don't want him to think I'm desperate or thirsty. How he thinks about me is none of my business. If he thinks I'm thirsty for saying I like him, that's his problem. It's not mine, it's his, because I'm being authentic. And if he doesn't appreciate my level of authenticity, then next week I'm not gonna like him and that's okay. I'm not concerned about over-investing because I have boundaries.
Speaker 1:As long as you are not being authentic with men, you are sending a signal that you don't have capacity for something of depth. You are playing in the shallow swimming pool. So that means that you are only really available for shallow, superficial men who don't have the emotional capacity to wanna invest in you. They don't have the emotional capacity to wanna invest in you because you are masking, you are closed off, you are reserved, you are not open to express yourself and it also sends a clear message to men who can invest in you that you really can't be trusted. Not that you are non-trust worthy, but not trusted because you are not being your authentic self. You can only seriously if you're not being authentic. It is signaling that you can't be trusted because they're connecting with the mask. They're not connecting with you. They're connecting with a representative. They're not connecting with you. Who are they connecting with? Not the real person? And it sends a signal to these men that you do not feel worthy enough to be expressed, to be fully expressed without being validated. You need the validation of other people just so you can be fully expressed. You need men to say that they like you first, before you say it. You need to know that what you're about to say to men is gonna be approved of before you actually say it. That means you don't feel worthy of your own self-expression. Other people have to approve your self-expression Problem.
Speaker 1:So, that being said, those are the three mistakes. Go ahead and put your questions in the question box so I can answer them. The three mistakes that you're making is martyrdom, which is self-abandoning, where you are sacrificing your personal desires, needs and well-being for the sake of others. The second one is mothering, which is the form of rescuing. It is when you take on a caretaker role in a man's life and you assume the responsibility of a man's well-being and emotional needs and life management. And the third is masking, and it is a form of self-guarding. It is when you hold back your true thoughts, your feelings and emotions out of fear that you'll be judged and criticized. Okay, those are the three ones, and if you guys are looking to be able to take the next step in order to start practical steps to having men invest in you to take those steps, I have the Well Pleased Woman workshop coming up on March 9th, and on March 9th it's from 1 pm to 4 pm.
Speaker 1:Type Desire in the comment section if you would like to participate in this workshop. It's not a lecture, it's a workshop. And this is to help you as a woman, because you will learn how to ask men for what you want and get it. At this workshop, you will learn how to make sure the men you date add tangible value to your life. You will learn how to activate the generosity in men who are ready to invest their time, their energy and their money to make your life easier. So put desire in the comment section if you would like to sign up. It is currently $197. The price will be increasing very soon. That is the current price as of now, and during this workshop you will learn how to identify delicious desires that you want to experience on a regular basis. Express these desires so that men show up and want to fulfill them for you. Create boundaries that honor and protect your desire so that you do not settle for less, and then leaning into the art of receiving your desires without feeling obligation, resistance or guilt. If you want to be a part of this workshop, we are going to be having role play discussions, breakout rooms, tangible exercises that you are going to be performing on the call. There will be a replay if you cannot show up. Live so type desire in the comment section here. If you want to receive the link to join.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm going to answer questions now. So either ask me questions about what we learned today I'm only going to be answering questions about what we learned today or about the workshop. And while I'm answering questions, what was your takeaway from today's live? Like, what did you enjoy the most about today's live? Someone says Tora, how do you speak to his affirmations, love language without mothering? Oh, let's literally just speak to what's true about him. I love the fact that whenever there's a problem that you see in front of you, you don't give up, like you continue to put yourself out there. Like I love the way you think, sir. I love whenever you fail at something or you miss at something, you come back 10 toes down. I love that about you. Or I love the way you smile at me whenever I give you that look. I love the conversations that we have. I love the level of depth that you're able to bring to the conversations that we have, like it's literally just speaking the truth, like there's no mothering there, because we're speaking the truth about a human being. Okay, flo said she enjoyed the clear example. Someone else said that they enjoy discussing the three M's.
Speaker 1:Someone says how do you know when is the appropriate time to pull out of a situation with a man? The appropriate time is when you're ready to pull out. That is the appropriate time. I was talking to my clients about this this weekend and I don't typically tell my clients to go cold turkey with a man that they are still energetically choosing to be attached to, because what happens is you make this declaration that I'm cutting you off and then, like two weeks later you back with him. You didn't run it out. I don't typically tell my clients to cut things off. What a particular dude that they're attached to. What I do is. I suggest that they open themselves up to other men and engage with them and then allow it to run out. Whenever you're done, you're done. R Kelly might have been wrong about a lot of things, but he wasn't wrong about when a woman's fed up, there ain't nothing you can do about it. He wasn't wrong about that. When you're done, you're done, so it's appropriate. When you're done.
Speaker 1:I do not shame women for continuing relationships with men that do not serve them, because sometimes they need to run it out. Because sometimes they need to run it out, sometimes it's the humane way to go. Charlotte said you clouding that dude. I'm like I don't know why men come into my spaces and tell me how women operate. I mean how men operate with the opposite sex. Men are interested. They're only interested in younger women and I'm like are you a younger woman? Are you an older woman? Like, how do you know? I don't care. If 30,000 men told you that we actually experience men, we are actually experiencing what men are doing with us, they could tell you they don't buy women things and then they can buy us all the things. Okay, someone says my takeaway is that self-esteem has to be created internally. Yep, yep, yep, yep. You have to be you for you.
Speaker 1:Someone asks what is a feminine way to approach establishing boundaries. So if you are new to my live, I do not teach patriarchal femininity, meaning that there is like the femininity or the feminine is being nice and agreeable and soft and like. That's not what I teach here. I teach the divine feminine and the feminine way to approach boundaries is to establish a boundary and, to be honest, setting boundaries are actually masculine energetics. There's nothing wrong with like the masculine we need the masculine but the boundary is a container. That is a masculine energetic. We need the container for how we want to flow. Hi Red Ruby, hey girl, by the way, I freaking love her. I'm in her poll membership and she teaches like feminine posture and like confidence and gracefulness on the poll. It's beautiful, I love it. I love slowing down on the poll and being in the present moment. Like that's more of what I'm learning and it's also like it carries on into like my life as well, like slowing down on the poll, being in the present moment and being with myself. So I wouldn't be caught up in a feminine way to approach establishing boundaries. It's a masculine container. Boundaries protects the feminine, it is the structure. So I wouldn't. I will set the boundary. Just that's what I would do.
Speaker 1:Anybody else, no more questions, cause I'm about to go. If there's no more questions, I'm about to go cuddle. Y'all ain't got no questions. If y'all ain't got no more, I'm about to go cuddle. Y'all, let me know, cause it'll be four, five o'clock now. I gotta go cuddle before my poll class, let me see.
Speaker 1:Someone says how do you begin to change martyrdom Awareness? Y'all telling me to go cuddle. I'm gonna go cuddle Awareness. I don't want you guys thinking Tor told me. Tor told me that I'm making these mistakes so I gotta get away from her. I gotta get away from these mistakes. I want you to just have awareness around it and when you start noticing all the ways that you are overlooking your own desires in favor of men, when you're putting your own desires on the back burner, that is what's gonna help it right.
Speaker 1:I would focus on awareness because after that we get into behavior modification and at times that can be a temporary fix. But after you have awareness around the problem, you just choose that. You just choose differently. I mean, it's not complicated. If you have awareness around the fact that this man has canceled plans and you have awareness about the fact that you're giving him chance after chance, the simple answer is to not give him another chance. Just have the awareness around it. The awareness is going to clean it up for you, for you to be like oh I am, I'm rescuing, oh, I'm rescuing again. I don't wanna, I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm gonna let him know that I'm unavailable to go to talk to him on the phone anymore. It applies everywhere. Everything that I'm saying on this live applies everywhere. I just talk about it specifically to the men. Nothing I'm saying you cannot apply to everywhere else, to friendships to work Nothing I'm saying nothing. So you just decide that you're gonna make a different decision. But the awareness is gonna be key. You don't have the awareness, it's gonna be really, really hard to change things.
Speaker 1:Someone says can you give me an example of a boundary? A boundary is hey, I'm unavailable to connect with, stay connected to men who I'm not going out on dates with. After two weeks I'm unavailable to do that, so we're gonna complete this. I'm unavailable to stay in connection with men who promise that they're gonna call and then they do not keep their promises. I'm unavailable for it. Boundaries are all about you and have nothing to do with the other person. Like, oh, he's crossing my boundaries. Like, no, it's your boundary and you don't let people cross it, it's yours. You have to be the one to let them know that this is unacceptable and I'm unavailable for it. I'm unavailable for this.
Speaker 1:Someone says how soon at the divorce do you think it's safe to date when a woman is guilty of all three M's? I don't want more of the same. I don't encourage women to hold off on dating. You date to heal. That's like saying how soon should a business owner get back to being an entrepreneur, since they were guilty of not having good messaging or not being able to create engaging content? Like, no, just go heal by being in the weeds, being in the weeds, have guidance, get a therapist.
Speaker 1:But you're never going to overcome the things that you have going on if you're not actively participating in environments where it's happening. You need to just show up and do the work. To me, that's not a place where you need to sit out. You need to get in the game and just look to do better, make mistakes and clean them up. But sitting out is only gonna keep you stagnant, it's gonna keep you blind.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm only answering questions about what we talked about today. All right, only what we talked about today. All right, guys, that's all the questions that directly are about what we talked about today. Any questions about the workshop? No, we good, okay, yes, and actively participating. Remember, the workshop is March 9th, saturday, from 1 pm to 4 pm. Central Standard Time. Type desire in the comment section and you will receive a link.
Speaker 1:If you're on the replay, you do it again. I didn't listen. I'm trying to get down under an hour. I'm trying to get down to 20 minutes. I'm trying to do lives in 20 minutes. But I'll be over teaching. I'm an overteacher. I'm doing new curriculum for Curved to Cuff and my curriculum specialist she's like make sure these videos are 15 minutes. They're 30 minutes. I'm like, I'm tired, I just don't know. All right, guys, I'm getting out of here. Thank you, flo. Bye, guys, I'm gonna go cuddle Girl.
Speaker 1:The episode was so juicy, so full of gems, it was so electric. I really hope and pray that you take the information that you learned about the three M's and how you may have showed up in each one of them, whether you were, you know, martyring, right. Whether you are out here mothering, you know, regardless of what you were doing, I really want you to sit with it and just be really, really conscious of the choices that you're making with men, moving forward and making sure that you are really putting yourself first and allow one of these men to be men, right? We don't need to baby them, we do not need to treat them as if they are infants that they can't do for themselves, and we do not have to put a cape on and say the damn day Okay, when we learn that we show that we are worthy to receive, we are ready to receive. We are done out here rescuing folks. We're done putting other people's needs before our own and we are ready for our own needs to be met. And if you are ready for your needs to be met, you are ready to be.
Speaker 1:Well, please go ahead and join that workshop, girl, do not procrastinate, do not wait around. It is March 9th. I will have the link in the show notes. Grab a seat and if you love this episode because I loved it. I thought it was a really dope episode. If I could, I would just give myself five stars every week If you loved it and you appreciate this content. The love offering is a review so that we can reach more people, because the algorithm ranks us when there are reviews on there. So I would love that love offering because this was a good episode, for sure. And, yeah, I hope to see you at the workshop. Bye.