Most Women of Faith play “damsel in distress” and wait for men to lead…
And that’s why they don’t get what they want while dating.
It’s also why men don’t show up for them…leaving them annoyed and frustrated.
Tune into this episode to learn why your love life suffers when you wait for men to lead…and what you should be doing instead as a woman who desires to be well-pleased while dating.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
Most Women of Faith play “damsel in distress” and wait for men to lead…
And that’s why they don’t get what they want while dating.
It’s also why men don’t show up for them…leaving them annoyed and frustrated.
Tune into this episode to learn why your love life suffers when you wait for men to lead…and what you should be doing instead as a woman who desires to be well-pleased while dating.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Speaker 1:
Hello Queen, welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. I have another gem filled episode for you today, really, really excited about that. And if you are new here, hey girl, I'm Tora and I help high achieving unchurched woman of faith attract quality men and confidently date for the romantic partnerships they desire. Whether that's marriage, whether that's exclusivity, whether you want to play out in the streets for a while before you, you know, tie the knot and things like that. I'm here for it all. And if you're confused by what unchurched means, it simply means I work with women who subscribe to a particular faith, but they no longer subscribe to a lot of the dogma, religious traditions that have been hurtful, that have been harmful, that have even compromise their relationship with the creator versus bought them closer. So those are the women that I work with. Hope that explanation helps. And if you still need more clarity on that, feel free to like DM me on Instagram. Maybe I need to make a podcast episode about it why I help unchurched woman of faith, who is all included in women of faith. If you're interested in that episode, please slap me a damn, let me know. Right now I didn't. I don't know if it's important to people, but if you are interested, I would love to make that happen. All right, so getting into this episode, why waiting for men to lead doesn't work.
Speaker 1:
And I'm doing this particular episode because I've worked with hundreds of clients over the past few years and what I continue to notice is there is an obsession with wanting men to lead, and some examples of what it looks like when people say, you know, I want men to take the lead is they want them to initiate conversation. So whenever you're getting to know any, whenever you're getting to know a man like you may want him to be the one to reach out first, like you'll respond, but you want him to be the one that's going to reach out first and to create conversation first, or to send all the first messages to initiate a conversation. Also, when it comes to initiating a date or suggesting that a date happened, if you want men to lead, you want him to be the one to bring up the date. You will spend weeks on a dating app waiting for a man to suggest a date, or waiting sending text messages, talking on the phone, and no dates are happening because you're you're waiting for him to suggest the date or planning a date. So once the date is agreed upon.
Speaker 1:
We're like man should lead and he needs to plan the date and he needs to make the reservations and choose the venue and organize all the ins and outs of the date, because he is the one that should lead. You don't need to make any input, it's just a simply like he's the leader here or even leading during the date. So while you're having conversation, he, you want him to be the one that's guiding the conversation. You want him to be the one suggesting the topics of the discussion. You want him to be the one that's keeping the interaction, engaging and initiating physical contact. If you guys are, you know, really feeling each other and as mutual attraction, like, you want him to take the lead by maybe asking to hold your hand or display another area of an affection okay or even following up. So, after you have the follow up date, you want the man to lead with following up and expressing appreciation for the time together. So you want him to be the one to say you know, send a text message to let you know like I want to go on a second date. So that is what many women mean when they say I want the man to take the lead. I want the man to let me know how this is going. I want man to lead the charge of the plans. I want men to set the tone of the relationship.
Speaker 1:
That is not working and that is why I'm having this podcast episode today, because, even though it's not working, we still have an obsession with it, especially women of faith, because of how we have been conditioned right. We've been conditioned to be the good girl and allow the night and shining armor to save us from our singleness, save us from our despair of being alone and save us from the dirty streets. That's how I be feeling, y'all. But the truth is, men are not here to save us. They're not here to take responsibility for our desires. They're not here.
Speaker 1:
In the past they have right they have been in charge of a lot of things in our lives. They have had autonomy of who we are as women financially, politically, sexually. They had so much of control over us and for some reason we have romanticized that level of control that men used to have. And so now he must lead everything. And I need you to understand that women of faith who play damsel in distress wait for men to lead and are frustrated and disappointed, because it was never meant for you to rely on men to take responsibility for your desires here. Okay, you are frustrated and disappointed because he's not showing up the way you want him to show up. Men are not doing what you want them to do and that is because you are expecting him to take responsibility.
Speaker 1:
Women who are well loved, women who are well pleased, they lead with their feminine desire. So, when it comes to conversation, they're not expecting for men to initiate all the conversation. They are looking for ways to express themselves to these men and they do not mind initiating in their expression. Does that mean that they're chasing? No, does it mean that they are running after these men? No, it means that these women are rarely really empowered and an in tune to who they are, and when they're ready to express something that's on their heart, that's on their mind, they will say what needs to be said, they will communicate what needs to be said, and they do not have an attachment to the outcome.
Speaker 1:
Instead of relying on a man to tell her when they're gonna go on a date, she lets them know Like I'm ready. We've been talking on the app for about 24, 48 hours. I love to jump on a phone call, I'm ready to jump on a phone call, I'm ready to plan a date. Again, she's not chasing, she's not controlling. So he's expressing her feminine desire for what she wants. In this particular connection, when it comes to planning a date, she's not expecting the man to plan from frontwards to backwards, cause first of all, he don't even know her like that to know what she likes, and so she leaves with her feminine desire and she expresses to the man hey, no, we have this date coming up. This is what I would love to do. I've been feeling super adventurous lately and I would absolutely love to do the indoor mountain climb, the indoor boulder rock climb. Or I have just been feeling very creative lately. I would absolutely love to go make pottery on our first date. Can you make that happen? Can you plan that? I have seen this new Japanese restaurant coming to town where you can just sit on the floor on a pillow, and I'm really excited about that. I'd love for you to make reservations there. I'd love for you to plan like make that happen.
Speaker 1:
She doesn't just lead to like. Why are you asking me, you the man? Because she understands that feminine desire is what leads. And so, even when it comes to physical contact, she's not waiting for the man to reach out and touch Like is she's feeling? She wants to grace his hand with her hand. If she feels like she wants to hold his hand, she's going to go for it. If she wants to put her hand on his knee, she's going to go forward and following up. If she's enjoyed the date, she's not gonna wait for the man to be like hey, I had a great time. I wanna have a second date with you. She's gonna let them know if she wants a second date or not. She's gonna let them know on the date hey, I really enjoyed this. I felt safe, I felt taken care of and I would love for you to take me on a second date. That's how she's gonna lead.
Speaker 1:
Because when you lead with your feminine desire, you express your wants, your needs, your desires, your passions to men up front and it creates the space for men to take action and use their masculine effort to fulfill those desires. But when you wait for men to lead, it is going to lead to a lot of frustration, it is going to lead to a lot of misunderstandings, it is going to be leading to a ton of disappointment, which is why you frustrate it when you keep your mouth closed and you're waiting for men to ask you things and to do things and to show up a certain way when you haven't led with the feminine desire. Now, this isn't because men are incompetent. No, no, no, no. We would never assume that these grown ass men are incompetent. The thing is, every woman is different. Every single one of us has been intricately and uniquely made informed, and because we are unique, men need direction to appeal to our differences, to please us. We are not cookie cutter women Thank God we are not. But when we wait for men to lead, what we're basically saying is that, hey, all of us are the same, we all want the same things, so why don't you just show up and do all the things that we all want? Ask me on a date whenever I want to. You know like that's not the case.
Speaker 1:
Because one woman desires to talk for a few days on dating apps. She's like, hey, I just, I'm new at this. I just want to feel safe doing this. I want to just talk for four to five days before we jump on the app, while another woman she's like, what's taking him so long? It's been 24 hours. I'm trying to get out, I'm adventurous, I'm trying to go on this date and a man does not know which woman he's talking to. He doesn't know if you're the woman who needs to be on the app for a few days.
Speaker 1:
I remember having a client and she was just like Tora. I've been talking to this man. It's only been a few hours and he's already wanting to go on a date with me. Like why is he trying to move so fast? That's a red flag, tora. And I'm like do you know how many clients I have that come to me and complain about men taking too long to move them off the apps? So what if you both swipe right on this same man and you're expecting him to perform a different way? You think that's gentlemanlike, and this other woman is expecting him to perform a different way because it's gentlemanlike for her. Everyone's different, every woman is different, and so this man could be confused between both of these women because he doesn't know which one of them, what they want, right?
Speaker 1:
One woman might desire a dinner date, while another desires a date of adventure. So I talked about earlier about the boulder climbing, right? So one woman, she's just like, well, plan a date then. But she wants a dinner date and she's gonna be pissed if he plans another type of date. Or the woman who loves the adventure dates, the mountain climbing dates, the hiking dates, the kayaking dates. She's just gonna be like oh, here we go again, dinner and drinks. I'm tired of sitting in front of a meal. It's because, you look, I want a man lead. Ma'am, why don't you just express your feminine desire?
Speaker 1:
Also, one woman desires good morning texts. She liked them. Daily texts. Good morning queen, good morning, good morning again. Good morning today, good morning tomorrow. And another woman is just like sir, I actually don't need good morning texts. I actually don't like them. What I do prefer is when we do connect it before something more meaningful, like planning a date. I'm that woman, by the way. I'm like please don't send a good morning text because, yeah, I'd rather have you send me logistics till our upcoming date. Over that, right, but Every woman wouldn't be like me. Every woman is different. There's no right or wrong here. But how will a man know how to quote unquote lead if you're not giving him the instructions?
Speaker 1:
Okay, now, if you're listening to this and like your mind is like kind of blown here and you're rethinking some things. I know that you're not leading with your feminine desire because you're worried about being in your masculine and doing a man's job right. I don't wanna be masculine, I don't wanna be the pursuer, but the truth is a man can't do his job quote, unquote job unless there is a desire, unless there is a vision, unless there is an intuitive hit to guide him in his execution. And you know what those are. Those are all feminine energetic traits, whether you are a man or a woman. If you're expressing a desire, if you are casting a vision, if you are feeling into your intuition, that is your feminine energy activated. So when you are expressing your desire, you are not stepping into your masculine girl, you are actually inviting men to embody their masculine so that they can serve and support the feminine. All right.
Speaker 1:
And when you learn to lead with your feminine desire, you become a well-pleased woman who enjoys dating. You know why? Because men are gonna be showing up for you. They know exactly what you want, they know exactly how you wanted, they know exactly where you wanted, they know what your expectations are, they know what kind of dates you expect. They know what type of interactions you like. They know and are very, very clear on when they can contact you, what type of conversations that you wanna have, what type of experience you wanna have with them. They know what your standards are. They know not to pull up on you with a standard that you are not accustomed to. They know and they are clear on your boundaries. They know that you're unavailable to talk throughout the day. They know you are unavailable for them random ass FaceTime calls. They know that you're unavailable to speak to men via text without dates being planned. They know that you're unavailable to come to his house within the first week of meeting. They know that you're unavailable to go on certain types of date like. They know. They're very, very clear. They know exactly how to please you. They know exactly how to put a smile on your face and because you are well pleased, because you are a woman who is well fed and well taken care of, you're going to attract quality men who are eager to please you and are excited to pursue you for marriage because they know what works with you.
Speaker 1:
If you, I do recommend that you go back and listen to my podcast episode Teach Men to Win with you. So very, very important episode, because men want to win with you. They are very competitive, they are love challenges, but they want to know that they can win. No man plays a video game that he thinks is unwinnable. He only continues to play the game because he thinks it's winnable. No man competes in sports if he thinks it's unwinnable. He plays. He understands the challenges, but he does not play the sport if he doesn't think it's unwinnable. So if you are unwinnable, he might really start being excited about dating you.
Speaker 1:
But then he realized you know, I can't win with this woman. I cannot win with her. I don't know how to please her. She's not communicating to me. I'm out and you're like, ah, he's emotionally unavailable. I thought that you know he was looking for a wife and he pulled away. I'm like, ma'am, like you were on, there was no way to win with you. So there was no way to please you. So he's out doesn't mean that he wasn't serious, it just means that he's no longer interested and pursuing an un-unwinnable situation.
Speaker 1:
But men who know you, are how to please you and know how to win with you, oh man, they just they want to serve it to you up on the platter. What do you want to do, baby? I got you. How do you want to do it? I got you. Yeah, I can make this happen. Oh, you like this too? Yes, let's get on the phone. Yeah, let's do this. I know how to please this woman. She's happy, I'm happy. I want to pursue her because this is a place of pleasure for both of us. All right, and I teach my clients how to do this and the results are like oh, chefs, kiss so delicious.
Speaker 1:
They learn how to use what I now call my desire in delight method, and using this method, I help them uncover their top dating desires and I show them how they can communicate them Confidently so that men have a clear path to pleasing them. And one of the ways that they communicate confidently is using my voice approach to be well pleased. And they also learn how to create healthy boundaries that prioritize and protect their desires. Because you can have the desires, you can even communicate the desires, but if you do not have healthy boundaries in place, you will self-abandon. You will allow men to be inconsistent. You will allow men To show up in a way where your needs are not getting met. You will allow for him to continue to show up in all the the ways that you do not want him to show up because you don't have boundaries. You will also continue to engage men who do not have the capacity to fulfill your desires without these boundaries. So I teach them how to create healthy boundaries that prioritize and protect their desires, so that they can eliminate the frustrations that come along with not getting what you want.
Speaker 1:
So, for example, a lot of the boundaries that I have my clients implement is like where I'm Unavailable to continue to stay connected to you without a date in place. It's been a week. I am unavailable. That is my boundary. I am unavailable to text you throughout the week, call you throughout the week, unless we need a date set up like I'm unavailable to do any of this stuff. Right, that's a clear boundary so that he knows oh, she's serious about getting these dates, she's not playing with me about these dates. Let me go ahead and make sure these dates are done right and, best of all, my clients learn to attract quality men who respect and align with these desires. So once you have the boundaries in place, you know what men are going to be in alignment with you and what men are not. Very, very fast. So if he's not scheduling a date within that first week you know to be. Hey, it was nice connecting with you and I let you know that we needed to plan a date and no date is planned. So I think we are complete. We are complete. It's not a good fit, right, and Every time they decline what doesn't align, they make space for men who aren't alignment to come through and show up when, like I would never, ever be upset about a man ghosting or walking away After setting my desires, because it was always a man to come through or fulfill me.
Speaker 1:
Oh, you know, like you don't want to do this, that's fine, that's okay. I understand that you don't have the like you don't want to do this. There are men who do and I'm okay with that. So If you would like help leading with your feminine desire, uncovering your desires, expressing your desires, creating boundaries around your desires and becoming a well-care for a woman, becoming a woman who dates deliciously and have just men showing up for her, I can help you do it.
Speaker 1:
In my private one-to-one coaching I work with high-achieving, unchurched women of faith who want to become high in demand in the dating world and attract emotionally available and financially establishment, who desire serious commitments that they can choose their life partners in as early as a year, if that's what you choose. The best candidate to work with me is a personal growth enthusiast who values personal development tools. She's also very satisfied and proud of what she's created in her life already socially, financially, professionally and now she desires to focus on success in her love life. So if you're interested in becoming a private client to implement these things, the next step is to book a sales call with me. I'll put the link in the show notes and on this call we'll hop on Zoom, talk face-to-face about your current dating struggles, what your vision for love looks like and see if I can help you achieve that.
Speaker 1:
But yeah, waiting for men to lead is going to leave you frustrated and disappointed and drained, because the feminine energetic is what leads, not men. The feminine energetic. A man executes. The masculine gets stuff done, it contains things, it creates the strategy for it. But you have the vision, you have the desire. That needs to be put out there before anything is executed on, and that's why the feminine leads. All right. So that was this episode. Go ahead and implement what you can from this.
Speaker 1:
I hope you have a significant mind shift, because my clients who have implemented this. They have gone from again not going out on dates because men were not taking the lead and asking them to go out on dates, weekly, regularly. They have gone out on dates that they have not cared to go out on, that they were tired of going on, to going on the delicious dates of their dreams, dates that light them up, dates that get them excited. They have gone from over-investing in men to having men pour into them, because they have learned to lead with feminine desire.
Speaker 1:
If you are skeptical, I'd listen. Just try it out, girl, please don't. You ain't got to believe me. Just try it. Try it Again. If you need help, girl, if you want my personal eyes on things, if you want my personal instruction on things, if you want me to help you curate all of this and help you build a rotation of two to three men at the end of our time together, go ahead and book your car, girl. Yeah, leave a review too, if you enjoyed this episode. Until next time, bye.
