This episode is for you if you’re often confused on how to respond to men or what to say next..
It’s also for you if you’re having drawn out conversations that feel boring .
Or if they always fizzle out and you're consistently confused as to why nothing ever pans out.
Tune into this episode if you want to create powerful first date conversations with men that lead to second dates or that lead to relationships.
….even if you tend to overthink and struggle with what to say next.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
This episode is for you if you’re often confused on how to respond to men or what to say next..
It’s also for you if you’re having drawn out conversations that feel boring .
Or if they always fizzle out and you're consistently confused as to why nothing ever pans out.
Tune into this episode if you want to create powerful first date conversations with men that lead to second dates or that lead to relationships.
….even if you tend to overthink and struggle with what to say next.
Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…
…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year.
Take a self-paced 6 month journey to do the REAL foundational work to prepare for the love life you desire - Formation
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Date With Sense. Podcast lover girl, I'm excited that you're here again because this episode is going to be so helpful, especially if you find yourself in conversations, confused on how to respond, confused on what to say next, if you are having conversations that feel drawn out or boring, or if your conversations often fizzle out and you're consistently confused as to why nothing ever pans out because of it. Okay, so I am going to share with you today on how to have a powerful first date conversation that actually lead to second dates with men, that will help you have conversations overall, from your text messages to your phone calls and just on all the dates that you do have and that lead you to actual relationships. Okay, but before I get into it, I want to thank everyone who leaves a review on the podcast. You know I absolutely love them and it is my birthday month coming up, so if you want to get me something for my birthday in May, definitely leaving a podcast review would be an amazing birthday present. But this last podcast review comes from Bad Baldy five stars, she says.
Speaker 1:
I must say you are causing an internal push and pull within me. I am a hybrid, traditional, slash modern woman born in 1985. So I've experienced all kinds of mama boys, stingy men and narcissists, this mentality of ask for what I want and expect it. It's helping me weed out the dusties. So shout out to you Bad Baldy. I'm really excited that the podcast has been helping you in the areas that you needed to and I hope you just stay tuned. So, yeah, let's get. Let's get back to the episode. So I want you well.
Speaker 1:
First of all, I'm doing this podcast because conversation seems to be a big hot topic amongst women who are trying to figure out how to move things along. Like how, how can I say what I need to say? How do I respond next? And we can, especially as like high achieving women of faith and we had a lot of good girl like we're all in our brains. We don't want to say the wrong things in our brains. We don't want to say the wrong things. We don't want to say things that we might regret or say something stupid or would embarrass us, and we also put a lot of pressure on ourselves to say the right thing so that things can move along. And so I want to help you create like a powerful first date conversation or even like a first phone conversation, so that the pressure isn't so heavy on you as you are communicating to these men and creating conversations that are engaging and meaningful. So the first thing I'm going to say is, before you enter any kind of conversation, right Before you go on this date, get extremely clear on your intentions, on what you want to say, because one of the biggest reasons why your conversations may be awkward, why they never go anywhere, why they may be boring, is we do not think ahead of time on what do I want to create in the conversation.
Speaker 1:
It's kind of like I'm gonna show up and just ask a checklist of questions like where you're from, you know where you live, what do you like to do, and instead of just talking and asking questions, to simply feel the silence because you feel like that's just what you have to do, get really clear on what you actually want to share and so think about what intention do I want to set. So the intention might look like I intend and really understanding how this man thinks. So I really intend to explore how this man shows up in his life. I really intend for us to have fun. I really intend for us to both enjoy the conversation, both receive something from this conversation I really intend for, at the end of our conversation, that we discuss a possible second date. If it comes to that, I really intend for us to talk about some of the things that I was not clear on when we were on the phone. I really intend for these things.
Speaker 1:
And then, how do I want to feel? Do I want to feel? Do I want to feel comforted or comfortable? Right. So, for example, if you want to feel comfortable, you're not going to answer questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Right. If you want to feel intrigued, you are going to ask intriguing questions. You are going to have conversations that would pull out information to intrigue you. If you want to feel inspired, you would have conversations centered around that. Like how do you want to feel in the conversation? Like, what do you want to learn? What do you want to learn? Do you want to learn more about what this man values? Do you want to learn more about what makes this man happy? Do you want to know more about what this man values? Do you want to learn more about what makes this man happy? Do you want to know more about what drives him? And then, what do you want to experience in the conversation. Do you want to experience some storytelling? Do you want to experience some back and forth banter, some playful teasing? What do you want to experience in the conversation?
Speaker 1:
And just literally just pause and consider what you want to express, experience, feel, and then also what you want him to know that day or what topic you would like to revisit. So, for example, if you know you have a passion for art, do you want him to know more about that? Is that important for him to know? Or did you have a recent trip that you learned a lesson from or that you had a funny story for? Did you want to share that? Or did you want to learn more about his particular experience that he hinted at from his backpacking trip in Asia? So just think about what you want to know.
Speaker 1:
I often have my clients, ahead of time, really explore what they want to know about men ahead of time, what they want the man to know ahead of time, and we might write a list. We might come up with things that, hey, this is important that a quality man knows about me ahead of time so that, as we are interacting, he is very clear that this is who I am as a woman, and this is bigger than where I'm from right. That doesn't educate him on how he should show up with me, right? Or educate him on who I am as a woman. And so your clarity in the conversation. It will guide the direction of the conversation and make it meaningful for the both of you. So, going back to what I was saying about asking questions that you're not comfortable with, so let's just say, for an example, he asked you a question about your past relationship and your past relationship did not end well. It was a negative experience. You did not want to talk about it on the first date.
Speaker 1:
Your clarity will guide the conversation away from that. You just don't answer the question just because, or what I notice is there are men who ask a bunch of questions back to back, like ping pong. He's like after he asked the next question, he's asking the next, he's asking the next, he's asking the next question and you're just answering, answering, answering and instead of that, if you want to feel calm in the conversation and you want the conversation to go a certain way, your clarity will not allow that. If you want to feel calm in the conversation and you want the conversation to go a certain way, your clarity will not allow that. Your clarity will not allow him to ask you ping pong questions. You will stop him and you will reroute the conversation and you will slow it down so that you have the conversation where you feel comforted, calm, your nervous system is relaxed. So, number one having a powerful first date conversation, there needs to be a lot of clarity. Where you feel comforted, calm, your nervous system is relaxed. So, number one having a powerful first date conversation, there needs to be a lot of clarity.
Speaker 1:
Secondly, if you are confused on what to talk about or you're over in your head overthinking, simply just get curious about this man. So typically when we go on first dates, a lot of us go into fantasy land. We start being hyper-focused on okay, I got to figure out if he's husband material. I got to figure out if he's boyfriend material, I got to see if he checks off all my boxes. And instead of just getting hyper-focused on whether you like him or whether he likes you and trying to just figure these things out, just get really curious about who he is as a man. That's it. Your curiosity will fuel the conversation. It will take the conversation around a very nice journey.
Speaker 1:
I would think of it as, like this road, the scenic route. If you simply want to get curious Now, you can be on a racetrack going in circles right, vroom, vroom, right. Or you can just slow down and just take the back road and just watch the trees and watch the sun change size in the sky. You can just watch what's happening in the area. That's the scenic route. And when you get just curious, you're not just trying to rush to a destination, you are simply enjoying the view.
Speaker 1:
And so if you're getting curious about a man, you're going to ask really nice open-ended questions. Okay, not just do you like what such and such? Where do you live? Right, like. These are like what do you do? That's not really curiosity. It's kind of like those check the box questions that you feel like you got to ask. And a curious question is what inspired you to move to the neighborhood that you're in? What do you enjoy most about the city that you're in? That is curiosity, not what you do for a living. Hey, what do you do Like? Hey, what are the highlights of your career that make you love your job? What are some obstacles that you've been through this past month at work that made you feel proud of when you accomplished it. That's getting curious and that will cause a lot of energy to be inserted into the conversation.
Speaker 1:
Invite him to share the highlight of his week, like hey, it's our first date. I would love to know, besides me, what was the highlight of your week Besides this date? What was the highlight of your week? Or who he even admires as a man. Asking him like hey, who do you admire and why? And you can really delve deep and not just find out a lot more about him, and not just find out a lot more about him, but learn more about the things that matter to you. So the way he answers these open-ended questions and tell you a lot about his core values, what he focuses on, what matters to him.
Speaker 1:
So, for example, if he says he admires nobody, I'm side-eyeing him Like dude, who are you Like? How do you not admire anybody, right? Who do you look up to? Who's holding you accountable? Here, like red flags just thrown up for me, right Versus him, talking about who he admires, and then he's sharing why he admires them. And it's somebody who he admires, somebody who is very ambitious and also in their personal growth bag. And so I'm like, oh yeah, I love a man, I love a man who's interested in those types of topics, right? Or even asking him you know what, like what, literally just puts a smile on his face. Again, red flags is going up If nothing. If nothing puts a smile on your face, but me? Right, because I don't want to be the one responsible for your smile, sir. But getting curious and having conversations about what put a smile on his face and then having a conversation about that. Getting curious about that because your curiosity is just going to make the conversation more interesting, more enjoyable and even more authentic. Right, because those check the box questions like what do you do and what are your hobbies, they're okay, but when we actually ask some more open-ended questions, it leads to more authentic conversations.
Speaker 1:
And if you do this right, you will become memorable to the men that you date and turn them into raving fans, girl, who are just like hey, can I go on a date? Do you want to go on a date this weekend? I want to go on a date with you now. Can you talk on the phone? These men seriously want to pursue you, pursue you. And then the next thing that will give you a powerful first date conversation is get connected, girl. This is one of the hardest things to do because it's high achieving good girls, high achieving woman of faith.
Speaker 1:
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to be perfect and to show up a certain way. We're not looking to be judged, we don't want to be embarrassed, and so we stay in our head a lot like, oh, what do I say? What do I? What comes next? And we try to play things cool. And when we try to play it cool, we often end up looking disinterested, interested. We often appear as if we are not into the man, right, because we're trying to play things cool. And I remember one of my clients. She was on a date and the man was just asking her all these questions and she was just in her head that she simply was just quiet and she talked about how she was kind of like looking down to kind of figure out what she wanted to say next or being super quiet because she was like really nervous on what to say next and he was just like thinking that she wasn't interested in him. Instead of playing it cool, look for opportunities to connect on a deeper level.
Speaker 1:
This is your time to open up with him and just express, just share, how much you're enjoying his smile. Oh, especially if he has some dimples oh, my gosh, those are complimenting him on his smile, on his dress, on his cologne, on his posture. This is your time to stare into his eyes and share how good of a time you're having. I absolutely love this. It's when this man, like you're at a table right, or you are just if you're on another kind of date, like you literally just look at him and oftentimes he's like hey what? And you're just like, oh, I'm just, I'm enjoying your face, I'm enjoying our conversation, I'm enjoying myself being here with you, I'm really having a great time. Or express to him how you would love him to invite you on a second date. So at the end of the date, you know you're moving and grooving, willing and dealing. You know you done, did the things, and you let him know I've really enjoyed this date, I've enjoyed how you've treated me, I've enjoyed how well you've taken care of me. I would absolutely love to go on a second date with you.
Speaker 1:
And when you become vulnerable and express yourself in these ways, it creates a sense of closeness that builds trust and intimacy and makes the conversation more memorable right, so he walks away. He's just like I'm not used to women doing this. I'm not used to women showing up this way and the fact that she is, you know, risking putting that like it's a risk to express yourself in that way, like it wants me to open up more to her and now I I feel closer to her. So that's going to set you apart from other women and inspire men to pursue you for a serious commitment. And I love doing this with my clients. I love helping my clients out with these types of dates and, inside of one-on-one coaching with me, I help you create engaging conversations with quality men that do not fizzle out. These conversations are not just purposeful, but they're also extremely profitable. Like you will never, like you don't leave conversations without learning something and growing as a human being and becoming transforming into a different woman. Because these conversations are transformative and, using my triple threat success method, you will build your confidence around expressing yourself so that you can feel safe enough to be more vulnerable with men, because, again, my clients are high achieving women of faith. There's a lot of good girl mode, a lot of residue, there's a lot of fear of expressing themselves authentically, and so I love helping them build their confidence so that they can do these things, and so one of the things that we do is conversation prep. So if we know that a date is coming up, we know a phone call is coming up for whatever reason a video call, then we prep for the conversation ahead of time and we set the intentions there. We get clear there on what you need to talk about.
Speaker 1:
I know for one of my clients who you know high achieving woman, but she felt like men were not really interested in what she had to say. One of the ways that we start helping her actually attracting better men is to take up space in conversations, and taking up space is having conversations about you in a way that is fruitful, in a way that is expansive, in a way that men love. And so this particular client again, I had her write down about 30 unique things about her in her life and then she would have to weave these things in conversations with men. And when she started weaving these things in conversation, first of all the men that did not care about getting to know her stopped talking to her. We needed them out of the way. And then the men that were quality men who were excited about talking to her. We needed them out of the way. And then the men that were quality men who were excited about talking to her. They loved hearing about her and it had nothing to do with her education or her job, they were just excited about the woman that she was and who she was as a woman. And so conversation prep is one of the things that we do to get them comfortable. And often, you know Again because clients come to me and they have a fear of being harassed I mean not harassed, embarrassed and judged One of the things that I love to do is assigning small, low risk action items in conversations, so things that are, you know, they're a stretch for them, but it's a low risk to do.
Speaker 1:
And, for example, these action items include them sending men text voice notes or short talking videos, and they've already set the intentions of what they want to say and how they want to say it. And then they go ahead and send those things. Now, sometimes they're too nervous to do them alone, so we will get on a coaching call and I will walk them through the process. I will have them do it in front of me, they will call in front of me, or they will leave a text message in front of me, or they will leave the voice note in front of me, and after that we do a quick debrief on what feelings came up for them. What can we work through so that we can get the nervous system neutral? And oftentimes, when we're on the coaching call, the men will respond right then and there, and they're often surprised at how well these men respond to them. So that piece also builds their confidence enough so that when a man decides to not respond in a not so positive way, it doesn't really bother them as much. Okay, and so over time it just didn't, it doesn't bother them at all. And then we also do when we do the conversation debriefs.
Speaker 1:
We talk about what went well in the conversation, what went well, what did you enjoy? What didn't go as well, like what would you improve or change? What did you learn in the conversation? And the learning could be as simple as I learned that this man does not have the capacity to do these things for me or do these things with me. Right, he doesn't have the. This man is not genuinely interested in me. Or in a conversation I learned that this man is really excited about getting to know me. I learned that this man is blah, blah, blah. Right, this is his core values.
Speaker 1:
And then what do we want to do to move forward in the next conversation? What do we want to hint on? So, for example, if you didn't bring something up in a previous conversation and you feel like you wasn't heard or you really want to get it out, it's not too late. I'm like no, let's circle back around, let's reroute, you know, let's talk about it. And so helping them get into the next conversation to talk about the things that they didn't talk about previously.
Speaker 1:
So, if that sounds like something that you would like to do in a private client situation, definitely book a sales call so that you can learn how I can help you create conversations with men that will land you a committed relationship.
Speaker 1:
And so when you book a sales call, you can go ahead and book it from the show notes here, or you can go to the link in my Instagram bio, click that, book your sales call.
Speaker 1:
And then, when we get on the sales call, we're going to be on zoom, we're going to be face to face and I well, you and I will have a conversation and really comb through the what's happening for you in your love life, what's happening for you with the connections that you're creating with men, and then, on our call, I will share a blueprinted plan of how you can create the connections that you want with men that will lead you into a committed relationship, so that you can design a delicious dating life, and what that would look like working together, and also how you can start seeing results in just the first 30 days of working together.
Speaker 1:
So, again, if you're interested, go ahead and book a sales call, and if this podcast episode was helpful for you, girl, go ahead and leave a review, a written review. I love reading them. Go ahead and tag me on Instagram stories, show the podcast episode some love. That's a great love offering that I'm ready to receive, because I know you got some gems from this. So, girl, that's all I have for you today and until next time, bye.
