Women of faith are being gaslit by mainstream religion.
They deeply desire love, sex and marriage…but are often programmed to bury these desires to appear “godly” and not “desperate”
They are single and unsatisfied in their 30s, 40s and 50s…but being told to “commit to The Lord” more and the right man will find them.
They are being taught to keep their legs closed…but not receiving any practical guidance on how to meet men and date them for marriage.
The good news is that this era is slowly ending.
There’s an awakening happening…and there’s a new movement being led by women of faith who are leaving behind the shackles of “religious relationship theology” and finding freedom by finally taking responsibility for their love lives.
In today’s episode, I go in depth about how mainstream religion has set women of faith up to lose with love. I also share how the average “church girl” can begin creating a new reality where love is abundant, quality men are plentiful and dating is a fulfilling adventure.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER: .
3 Most Common (but wrong) strategies women of faith use to attract quality men
The uncomfortable truth behind the phrase “HOES Winning” that many church girls don’t want to accept.
Why leaving your “church” might be the best thing for your love life in 2023
How black women are the biggest casualty of religious relationship theology.
Real clients sharing real stories of what happened when they stopped waiting for love to happen for them.
FEATURED ON THE SHOW
How you can work with me in my private mentorship program, Curved 2 Cuffed. You can find more information at https://www.curved2cuffed.com/apply
Be sure to get more dating gems by following me on Instagram at:
Women of faith are being gaslit by mainstream religion.
They deeply desire love, sex and marriage…but are often programmed to bury these desires to appear “godly” and not “desperate”
They are single and unsatisfied in their 30s, 40s and 50s…but being told to “commit to The Lord” more and the right man will find them.
They are being taught to keep their legs closed…but not receiving any practical guidance on how to meet men and date them for marriage.
The good news is that this era is slowly ending.
There’s an awakening happening…and there’s a new movement being led by women of faith who are leaving behind the shackles of “religious relationship theology” and finding freedom by finally taking responsibility for their love lives.
In today’s episode, I go in depth about how mainstream religion has set women of faith up to lose with love. I also share how the average “church girl” can begin creating a new reality where love is abundant, quality men are plentiful and dating is a fulfilling adventure.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER: .
3 Most Common (but wrong) strategies women of faith use to attract quality men
The uncomfortable truth behind the phrase “HOES Winning” that many church girls don’t want to accept.
Why leaving your “church” might be the best thing for your love life in 2023
How black women are the biggest casualty of religious relationship theology.
Real clients sharing real stories of what happened when they stopped waiting for love to happen for them.
FEATURED ON THE SHOW
How you can work with me in my private mentorship program, Curved 2 Cuffed. You can find more information at https://www.curved2cuffed.com/apply
Be sure to get more dating gems by following me on Instagram at:
Hello Queen, welcome back to the Day With Sense Podcast girl. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. So a lot has happened since the last time we talked, girl, that was last week. First of all, we hosted the first C2C Open House, and the Open House was specifically for C2C candidates. These are women who applied for C2C and, based upon their applications, we thought that they were a really good fit to move forward in the program, and so we had a special VIP invitation for them to join me, team Tora and some of the cufflinks on pretty much like a online wine date wine down, you know whatever. I told everyone to bring their favorite drink. So whatever they brought, they just brought.
Speaker 1:
But one of the things I really loved about the open house is it gave everyone an opportunity to get to know one another better. So it gave me and Tintora the opportunity to get to know the candidates better. The candidates got to know more of like us in our culture and more about the cufflinks that are part of the program. We got to sing, dance, laugh. The candidates got to ask questions. Team Tora and the cufflinks answered them. The cufflinks got to share some of their stories and one of the biggest highlights of the open house was like I had cufflinks pop up that I haven't talked to in months. They had been graduated and I'm like, oh girl, it's so good to see you. So it just was a beautiful experience to have all of us in this room inspiring one another, encouraging one another and just having a good time. So I really wanted the candidates to see how we get down in C2C.
Speaker 1:
And, because it was such a hit, I am definitely going to be doing this once a month and the next open house will be the last Wednesday of this month, in December. Girl, I have to get the exact date later, but it's going to be the last Wednesday of December. So if you are interested in joining us for the upcoming open house, please put in your application for C2C. I'll put the link in the show notes and if your application shows us a good fit, we'll send you a invite for you to join us for our next open house. And I just want to send a special shout out to the cufflinks that showed up and showed out on that call. We had a blast. I love you guys for being passionate about this work, passionate about your journey. So yeah, and on top of that, we enrolled the December cohort, the last cohort of this year, and they are ready, ready, ready.
Speaker 1:
We got Coach Winnie and Coach Roshanda on the docket for this particular month to coach and Roshanda's BOM Experience Labs are ending this December. She's teaching the cufflinks how to create amazing experience where they're able to emotionally connect with men, emotionally bond with men. It's something that I teach in the program. So that's ending. So that's ending. But the great news is Winnie is starting in January teaching a lab on how to become embodied in this work, how to become a woman that embodies these teachings. Because what I always tell y'all you can have my strategies and tips and techniques, but if you don't embody the work that I teach, if you don't transform into a new woman, you're going to be like, just like how Christ said, the new wine pouring into old wineskins and bursting, and so pretty much Winnie is going to be teaching you how to become a new wineskin in January. So if you're ready for the January cohort, that is going to be a lab that's available for you. If you're in the Cufflink alumni, that's going to be a three month lab that's available for you by Winnie. So I mean, those are some real highlights that pretty much came up within the last week or so.
Speaker 1:
Now the highlight of the episode is going to be a Clubhouse clip from October where I really go into depth about how mainstream religion has set women of faith up to lose with love, and you know I'm a woman of faith, so I have a very soft and tender spot for us and I'm extremely passionate about helping us create the love lives that we actually deserve Like. I really feel like we've been gaslit by a lot of the teachings. So stay tuned to this clip because you're going to learn the three most common but wrong strategies women of faith use to attract quality men. You're going to learn the uncomfortable truth behind the phrase hoes winning that many church girls don't want to accept. You're going to learn why, leaving your church, it might be the best thing for your love life in 2023. How Black women are the biggest casualty of religious relationship theology and real clients sharing real stories of what happened when they stopped waiting for love to happen to them. So, without further ado, here is the clip.
Speaker 1:
We're talking about attracting high quality men for women of faith, so one thing that I want you to know is, when it comes to quality men, most of the time, like they may have outgrown most. Like they, they have outgrown most of the women they meet that desire them, because most people aren't doing their work. So, of course, like, if you're showing up high quality, you're more likely like you've outgrown most of the people that you meet that desire you. But the opportunity is that, as a woman of faith, you consider yourself high quality. You also feel like you've outgrown most of the men that you meet that desire you. There's the opportunity, so you are qualified to connect with these men.
Speaker 1:
But the issue is we are relying on the wrong things to attract these types of men. Like we're a lot we are relying on being the right physical match, right, we think that that is going to be the main thing. Of course it. There's a lot that goes into that, but it is not going to be the main thing. Of course there's a lot that goes into that, but it is not going to be the main thing. That inspires these men. They meet pretty women all the time. It is not uncommon for them to meet beautiful women.
Speaker 1:
We log like being the logical choice. Oh yeah, I, I'm wife material. You know, I got my stuff together. I'm you, have my degrees and know how to cook and how to clean, and and it's a no, of course it it seems logical, right with the mind. But no, or we try to go with the moral, like, be the moral choice, like, oh, I'm Proverbs 31, I'm a good girl and I keep my legs closed and, yeah, I'm a good woman, I'm a good, god-fearing woman.
Speaker 1:
Why wouldn't men want to pursue me for marriage? And that isn't it either. Y'all already noticed. But y'all see plenty of good, god-fearing women sitting up in the church and no one's paying attention. There aren't men there breaking down the doors to get to them and it's really easy to be like well, well men, they're not pursuing us because the other women, the whores, are making it easy. Other women who aren't principled are making it easy. And you know, you think that that's the wave.
Speaker 1:
But what you're basically saying is that, number one, there is a condescending tone under undertone for other women, and then, two, there is a layer of condescendingness to I don't know if this word was gonna be a word today there's a layer of condescendingness to the men, because it's like oh, the men don't know any better, the men, they aren't looking for quality, they're just looking to wet their dicks. So that's why we're not married, that's why men aren't showing up here, because those women and if you want to call them hoes or whatever, like hoes went in ain't got nothing to do with you losing Nothing. So if you're in a losing position here, it ain't got nothing to do with the quote, unquote hoes that you're saying that are easy. It has nothing to do with other women making things easy. Nothing. They are not to blame by women, right, who aren't, don't have a lot to offer as a woman. And again, I'm not talking about money and education or anything like that. I'm not even talking about sex. So when you say stuff like that, like the men aren't checking for us because other women are making it easy, there's two flaws there. Thanks for sharing the room the two flaws. So if you believe high quality men exist, I need you to stop talking down to them by insinuating that they don't know how to choose, and I need you to get in position to be able to pull in all the types of men that you desire, so you can just choose who you want. That's what I want for you. Your focus shouldn't be on anybody else but you and what you want for your life and what you have created for yourselves. But I'm going to say it again hoes, winning ain't got nothing to do with you losing. Okay, and I'm going to also encourage you because, like, I saw a reel recently and in the reel there was a woman in a like talking to an audience.
Speaker 1:
She's just like saying something about men, like people not coming to church or like finding love in the church because they're not committed to God, and I'm like this is bullshit. This is why this is one of the big reasons why I would. I would have clients come into the program, coming in with lots of anger while like being women of faith, like lots of anger and really confused with God. Like God like I, like I've done all the things, I've been, all the things I've. I've done all the things, I've been, all the things I've been committed and dedicated and I've been in your word and I've attended services all the time and I have had faith and I've done this and I've done that, and then you got people like that basically saying oh yeah, you wasn't committed enough. That's why you're not finding love. And one of the biggest reasons why women of faith are single is because they overcommit to those things, not less committed, but it's like an overcommitment, like four times a week, even Friday nights, at the building and saying, oh, this is ministry. Or volunteering for all the events it doesn't like. What's happening here is that people don't want to teach or not capable of teaching women of faith actual skills necessary to create the love life that they desire. But I'm going to use these examples again because I always use them, because they make sense.
Speaker 1:
You don't hear these same people on platforms saying, yes, if you are still unemployed after all these years, you're not committed to God enough. You don't hear that shit because it's stupid to say Mug's going to clearly let you know practical things to get employed. They're going to tell you they're not going to be like, oh, you're not losing weight because you're not committed to God enough. You don't have his eyes on God and this is why you haven't lost that last 50 pounds, 20 pounds. No, they're going to talk about putting the bag of Doritos down that we love so much. I don't plan on putting the bag down anytime soon, so, and they're going to talk about exercise, practical ways to eat and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:
Not like you're not committed to God, but when it comes to people not having a partner like you're not committed to the Lord, and that's so problematic, and you have women who are celibate and virgins into 30s and 40s and 50s struggling. These women have prayed, waited, and now they are pissed, rightfully. So I would be pissed too if you got me out here for years believing that all I needed to do was wait. All I had to do was sit still and trust in God and I was going to have the man and the love that I desire. I would be pissed too, I would be angry too, I would be upset too.
Speaker 1:
Got me out here praying, trying to pray away my desire, my natural, god-given desire to be penetrated, to be licked, to have somebody nibbling in my ear, my God-given desire of wanting to be held, of wanting to bear children, of wanting to raise a family Damn right, I'm pissed and you're telling me it's because I wasn't committed. I will cuss all y'all asses out in this, even in this building that you call a church, because it's not the house of the lord. We are the houses of the Lord, okay, we are the house that most high doesn't dwell in temple made by by man's hands. So I'm I'm trying to figure out what's happening here. I need to know. So, yeah, I'd be pissed, be very upset, very angry and very angry and wondering why I don't have tons of life to live and now I'm like spent all this time waiting.
Speaker 1:
So, yeah, the real was very problematic for me, because we still have a lot of work to do as people of faith. There's a lot of work to do and there's still a culture that is not conducive for women to build a love life that they love, especially black women, because we hear people say things like in the real that I saw like you're not committed to God enough, you're not really committed. They're basically also saying black women aren't committed to God enough because the statistics are off for black women. Basically, yeah, black women, yeah, you guys, you're not as committed as the white women, as the asian women, they're more committed, even though quite a lot of them, they don't serve the same god as you. Yeah, you don't serve the same god as the indian woman, like you don't serve the same God because you're not getting married like these women. It's ridiculous. It is ridiculous.
Speaker 1:
And we're in 20, we're going into 2023 as women and specifically and I'm talking a black woman at this time like you need we. We're like in an awakening right now where we really need to take responsibility for our love lives, where we really need to start walking away from harmful purity culture, theology and embrace our sexuality, whether we're abstinent, celibate or not. We need to be leaving churches who are urging us and preaching at the pulpit to keep our legs closed, but that are not also helping us get married. If you're gonna preach at me to keep my legs close, also preach to also help me get there. Don't be all balanced here, because you're going to create an imbalanced environment. Make sure you teach both women of faith in a position to finally decide to do what's best for you, instead of blindly following religious rules and traditions that have been keeping you single and unsatisfied. Study the scriptures like a berean. Let go the bullshit, okay. Leave it behind in 2022. Leave it all behind it's madness and let's start deciding to cultivate the type of love life that we want.
Speaker 1:
What do you desire like? What are? What is a piece of your desire here when it comes? Do you desire confidence when you go to? Like family events where everyone loves to ask you are you still single? Like? Do you desire that? Do you desire logging into your favorite dating app and being greeted with quality matches ready to set up a date. Do you desire squealing with excitement, giving gush reports to your friends about how fun dating is for you and how amazing the men are Like? Is this a desire for you? And how amazing the men are like? Is this a desire for you? Do you do you desire to walk into a room and be able to capture the gaze of men who are inspired to approach you? It's this is the desire for you.
Speaker 1:
Do you desire feeling peaceful after being ghosted by a man you really like?
Speaker 1:
Is that a desire? Do you desire to have the ability to ask for what you want while dating and successfully getting what you ask? Is that a desire for you? Is there anyone in here feel like these desires are far away, that it seems hard to believe to have? Because I want you to know that if you are in a position to allow your faith to lead here, you can create a new reality where love is abundant, quality men are plentiful and dating is a fulfilling adventure. Is there anybody in any cufflink that would love to kind of maybe share their experience creating their own new reality that wants to come to the stage at all. I would love to know for those who started off confused and not really knowing, started off confused and not really knowing and now you're like I have a whole, like a different reality than how I started, if you are, I'd love for you to raise your hand to share a little bit about that with the audience, if you're capable and available to speak.
Speaker 3:
I talk, I talk, um, I would say, before c2c, um, for me, I felt like dating was a chore and even like being in my particular state, I thought I couldn't find exactly what I wanted or was looking for, that whole like concept of there's pee in the water. So I would find myself, like you know, trying to date outside of the state of Minnesota. But, like joining C2C and realizing what I want and the type of experiences I wanted, I really, I like, I really truly enjoy dating. So, um, it just it was fun. I made sure it was on my calendar, I was going out, you know, weekly, multiple times a week, um, even when I had, you know, the whole roster. So, um, I was like, okay, this is, it was, it was. It was amazing. Um, you know, now that I'm married, um, obviously there's a difference, but it still felt like, um, you know what, what is this experience gonna do? That did it? Um, that wasn't there when I was um you, you know, when I was dating. I'm trying to be very careful with my words, but it's just more of like, what do you have to offer to me? That's more enjoyable than my dating experience now. Um, and so it was just like from a place of empowerment, of like, if I wanted to frolic, I could still frolic, or I can, you know, settle down. So, and I love that.
Speaker 3:
For me, that was just something I never thought I would have and didn't think I would actually enjoy going out on dates and I would take myself out on a date. If I, if it was a week where I didn't have anyone that I was going out with or I just was like I need to focus on me, I would take myself out on dates. I continue to take myself out on dates and it's just a. It's just so much of a different experience.
Speaker 3:
I feel like I didn't think I could get here, you know, and like how I would come on the stage and I was just, I just need to be on the stage, I just need to be sitting at the feet quote unquote at the stage, even if I didn't say anything. I was like I'm going to glean some knowledge, and so that's how I started and I was like, well, if her free content content is this good, what about the paid content? And so, and for those that want to be married, you know, your, what your tagline is as far as, like, getting married or, you know, finding um that high quality man, um, I feel like it still holds true.
Speaker 2:
Okay, I can share. Can you hear me? Yes, I'm driving, so okay. So yeah, basically I tell everybody, c2c changed my life. I mean literally from dating experiences y'all was so corny I didn't know how to flirt, I never dated to being more confident in my experiences with men and just everyday life. I got the confidence to start a business, to switch careers, to be really flirty, which I had no idea how to flirt. But yeah, I mean it was the best, one of the best life decisions that I could have ever made. Like seriously and everybody who's been coached by me know I go in, on and off the dating app. So I just got back on last week and, honey, this new group of men. I got low, oh my God. So it feels good to be able to recreate this whenever you want. So it's like priceless. Tori need to go up on her price.
Speaker 1:
I love it. Ooh, a win is a win. I love it. Ooh, a win is a win. A win is a win. All right, lady, that episode definitely was a little spicy, so I want you to take some time. Let it land in your body. Maybe listen to it a few times. Let it land in your body and then get to work. We really just don't have time to be a victim of our past or what we've been conditioned to be. Now that we know better, let's do better. That's what we want when it comes to love. So, that being said, I love you and I'll talk to you next week, girl Bye.