Positioning Skills You Need to Command Attention & Get Approached by Quality Men

If you’re not being approached by quality men in person..

It’s because you’re not properly positioned. 

This is why you can show up to all the events or places that quality men hang out at…

And still not be approached.

Tune into this episode to learn 3 Non-negotiable skills you need to learn if you want to be approached by quality men anywhere and everywhere you go. 

Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…

…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast, and today's episode is for you If you would like to focus on meeting more men in person. Right, maybe you've been on the dating apps, maybe you don't like the dating apps, but you would like to meet more men in person, in the flesh, when you're out and about, and this episode is for you. If you have been trying to meet men in person, you go out to different events. You make sure that you are well-dressed, that you look good, that you smell good, that you're in different places, but men are not approaching you, men are not coming up to you and you're not meeting anyone. You're not being approached. So this episode is for you. Like, if you just want to meet more men in person and you're confused as to why it's not happening, or you want to start doing it. You haven't been doing it and you want to know the quote unquote right way to do it. So this episode is for you.

Speaker 1: 1:11

But before we get into the episode, I want to shout out. I think her name is Shalai. She left a review on the podcast and said come, get this life lift sis. She says I have to preface my review by saying I have been a fan and follower of Taurus since from before she became a coach. Her transparency, effervescence, energy and candor drew my interest, but I stayed for the wealth of wisdom she provides. She is true to this. As a gifted educator, she consistently delivers content that is fruitful in application, and if you implement her methods, you will experience a shift, as she will call out your highest self by inducing introspection to identify and break down barriers to your heart's desires. This teaching is valuable in all intimate relationships. Forget a soft girl era. She will sit you square in your luxe lover girl bag. She will over deliver every single time. I am grateful to have found her and you will be too.

Speaker 1: 2:08

Happy birthday, tora Girl. You are the GOAT. Thank you deeply for your content. Keep doing the excellent works of the Most High. Thank you, girl, and I appreciate you leaving a review and remembering my birthday is coming up. So if you are listening to this episode, my birthday is May 26. So you'll be listening to it before then, and every year for my birthday, I always ask for podcast reviews like that. If you want to bless me, if you want to give me a birthday gift and you want to know what I want? I want you to leave a review and if you've already left a review, get a home girl to leave a review. Get somebody else. But that will be the one of the best birthday gifts I can get is to continue to push this content out for the masses to receive the transformation that they desire.

Speaker 1: 2:55

But yeah, so getting back to the episode like getting approached in public is not rocket science. It is not a complicated thing. We just have not been taught. Especially women of faith need to follow God and focus on God and focus on your education and like do what's pleasing to God and you know God will send your man. Like he will just show up. You're not going to hit you, girl. God's going to write your love story and your godly man is just going to tap you on the shoulders. You're going to turn around, you're going to whip your hair and he's going to. He's going to just stare at you. You're going to stare at him. It's going to be a match made in heaven. You're just going to be together.

Speaker 1: 3:50

And many of us are in our thirties, our forties, our fifties, even our sixties, and we realized that is not the truth. It is not the truth and we know it's not the truth because we spent all these years not experiencing it and we've been convinced that, oh, something must be wrong with me or something must be wrong with these men. So we look for something to blame to explain why we're not getting approached, why men are not stopping us to have conversations or to talk to us or exchange numbers. It's easy to think about, like who to blame? I'm going to blame myself or I'm going to blame the men, I'm going to blame the climate of today's culture. I got to blame something to explain what I've been taught growing up and I'm not experiencing it. And it is nothing wrong with you and there's no one to blame.

Speaker 1: 4:45

We just lack certain skill sets, we lack certain knowledge we have not been taught. It is the same thing if someone asks you to create some financial statements for a company and you have never taken accounting classes. You don't know what a debit and a credit is. It is just that simple. We tend to think of ourselves of like, oh, I should already know this, or men should just be approaching me, or I should already have a handle on this. If you had the skills, you would.

Speaker 1: 5:24

And so if you're not being approached by quality men in person, it's because you have not learned the skills to be properly positioned. You are not properly positioned when you go out, and by properly positioned, I don't mean the vague cliche responses or answers you would hear from you know religion or a singles ministry, like girl, you just need to be positioned. You just need to make sure that you're positioned in the right places and you got the right heart and like no, I'm literally talking about a skill set, because when you're not properly positioned, you can show up to all the events, all the places that you think quality men hang out at, like they'll give you the list, and you'll be like okay, I'll go here, I'll go to the cigar lounge, I'll go here to this yacht party. I'll go here and play golf. I'll go here to this networking event, I'll go here to this festival. I'll go here to all these places that they said quality men are going to be at, and you're still not being approached. And you're like wondering what's going on.

Speaker 1: 6:34

And what we need to understand foundationally is men approaching you requires certain context and comfort. Men need to know more than that. You're pretty and just because you're pretty doesn't mean that you're positioned. Men need to be able to feel that you're ready to be approached. They need to feel in like, oh yeah, like this woman, like not only is she beautiful, like I'm, you know, have you ever seen like men stare at you and they still don't approach? Well, a lot of times it's because they're yes, they notice that you're pretty, but they don't have a certain like safety to go in. And I know that women are like well, a real man would approach me if he was a real, he would have confidence if he was like. No, like. That is objectifying men and dehumanizing them. Basically, we're like they don't have feelings, they shouldn't be concerned about their reputation or they shouldn't be concerned about how they're perceived. Like men don't have feelings, men don't have insecurities, men don't have concerns, especially considering that we have so much autonomy as women in this day and age and we have so many rights, and it has led to men needing to be more responsible for how they interact with us and not feeling entitled to our attention and entitled to our bodies and entitled to our space.

Speaker 1: 8:14

When you are properly positioned, you will be felt by men, by quality men, wherever you go, and you will get approached by them who want to date you every time you leave your home. Okay, when you are properly positioned. And so I teach my clients a signature framework that I call the assume the pursued position, and this framework is three must have skills that you embody, that makes you memorable and magnetic when you step into any room that you're at. This allows you to meet quality men anywhere you go. Right, it is not. It doesn't have to be a special location. And not only will you meet men anywhere you go, but it's the type of men that you would like anywhere you go, the men that you would be excited about. And everywhere you go, ok, because going to certain places is fine, like I would tell my clients, like hey, if you want to meet these types of men, you want to show up in these types of communities, in these types of groups, okay, that's how, like, you want to do this. But if you are not assuming the pursuit position, none of it matters. It matters how you show up. Everywhere is most important how you show up as a woman, because you never know where you're going to meet a man. You never know where you're going to meet your man.

Speaker 1: 9:51

And so in this episode, I want to break down these three skill sets and three questions within the skill set, to ask yourself, to know whether you're executing on the skill set. And so the first skill that you need to have to assume the pursuit position for men to approach you when you leave your house, anywhere you go, everywhere you go, is having presence. Having presence. I want you to ask yourself this question Can I be felt in the room, can I be felt in this location? And you know, when your presence is felt, when you walk into a room, when you enter a room, is when people start making eye contact. People start making eye contact. If you are somebody who avoids eye contact, you automatically do not have presence. I'm just going to say that right now. Like if you are a person who does not make eye contact, if you like to avoid it, you automatically are going to find issue with presence. Okay, to find issue with presence, okay, you know your presence is felt when you turn heads, when heads are being turned like they don't. Heads was supposed to face in one way, and then, when you walked into the area, heads are turning. Okay, you know your presence is felt. When there are waves, when there are nods, like even if people aren't waving, there are nods, there's even smiles Right and there's even a shift in energy. Energy there's a shift Like you can tell, like when you're in the room, like there has been a shift.

Speaker 1: 11:41

One of the things I, especially when I'm like I will go into, like I will be on dates with men and I will go into a room and I will always get complimented by these men. They're like yo, like people really are on you, like like there's something about you. I remember one guy. He was just like I don't know what it is, but there's something about you. When you go into a room, you leave changing the room, like the room is all about you when you walk into it. And that's a compliment that I have always gotten. And I would even get it with my clients when I would meet clients in different states and things like that, and I would maybe go out with them and they would say, tora, like I don't know how are you doing this? And again, this is an embodiment of a skill. It is something that I have learned how to do and it's become second nature to. I don't even realize that I was doing it and how it was happening and how it was affecting people around me and how people showed up around me.

Speaker 1: 12:48

You'll also start receiving like greetings or welcomes. I don't know if you've ever walked, walked into an area or a venue and you wanted to be seated but no one like recognized that you were in a room to get seated or made sure you were attended to. Like you felt invisible when you went in. When you have presence, there is no invisibility there. All right, there are people coming up to you making sure that you have been taken care of because you look like you belong there and you look like you're ready to receive something. When you're in the room, versus like I mean I'm here, I mean, should I be here and do they know that I'm here? Like waiting for the outside to validate your presence in the room. The outside isn't the validator. You are the validator and the outside forces outside people. They get on the bandwagon of you already validating yourself, okay. And so this is especially important for women to hear.

Speaker 1: 13:55

When you are used to feeling invisible, right, I will have women coming to me saying they're not approached by men but all they do is sit in a corner with their friends at dinner. That's not presence. They're, in a way, you are hiding because you fear rejection of some sort, you feel judgment of some sort. You feel something like you want to hide in some type of way, but you want men to jump over the obstacles of you hiding. That's not presence. So if you feel invisible when you walk in rooms, you don't have presence. Okay. So can you be felt in the room that you are in? So ask yourself that question.

Speaker 1: 14:41

The second skill set you need and oh, this is a big one for high achieving women is being present, being present. So is your presence felt? And am I being present and present, you ask yourself. Like am I in the present moment? Ask yourself this question Is my attention on the here and now?

Speaker 1: 15:03

Most humans, especially most of us high achieving women, our attention is either in the past or the future. We're thinking about things that we did in the past, or what we could have been doing, or how to fix things, or worried about the past, worried about repeating the past, thinking about how the past should have never happened. Or we're thinking about the future, of what we need to do, what we need to get done, what we don't ever want to do again, what we want to avoid doing in the future. Our brain is usually in the past of what happened yesterday or in the future of what we think is going to happen tomorrow. Rarely are us as high achieving women focused on the present moment, the here and now.

Speaker 1: 15:42

What's right in front of me today, in this very minute, in this very second, what is in front of me right now? We're in our heads and this is, this is where people have resting bitch face, right, rbf. They're like I just I have RBF and I don't know how to get rid of it. Ma'am, it's because you're not in the present moment If you suffer from RBF. Your ass is somewhere in the time machine in the past or in the future, because resting bitch face cannot exist. When you are currently experiencing the present moment and relishing in that present moment, it just can't exist.

Speaker 1: 16:22

You are in your head about something and when you're in your head, your face isn't able to really have the form that it would have if you were actually in the present moment. It's kind of like this the muscles are like, especially if you're like contemplating something, you're thinking and slightly frowning because you're thinking so hard, like I know when I get to thinking so hard and I catch myself on camera, say if I'm like filming something for like Instagram or something like that like, or am I back in my YouTube days? And in between my, in between my takes, I might be thinking about, like what I want to say next, and I might be thinking hard and I look at the camera and I play it back. I'm like, damn, like, what am I frowning at? I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad or mad about anything. It was just I was really contemplating and thinking. And so when you have RBF, you are consistently in your brain and thinking. But if you get in your, in your present, in the present moment, you're able, your face softens, softens up a lot.

Speaker 1: 17:36

What I would like for you to think about is am I in my body? Because if you're asking yourself the question is my attention on the here and now, that means you're in your body. And I always ask my clients I'm like can you feel your coochie? Because if you can feel your coochie, you're in your body at that very moment. Right, you've left your brain and you're currently in your body. Right, you can feel what's happening with your body. You can feel if your feet are cold. You can feel if your kneecaps are warm. You can feel if there is tightness in your jaw, you can feel if there's tension in your neck and your shoulders, like that's being in your body right and like having your attention on, like what's happening with my hands right. What's happening? Are your senses engaged? Right, we have five senses.

Speaker 1: 18:25

Like, if your senses are engaged, you are in the present moment, meaning that you can smell. Like what you're smelling right now. Are you able to smell it in the present moment? What's on your skin in this present moment? How does your skin feel? Like your touch it in the present moment? What's on your skin in this present moment? How does your skin feel? Like your touch feel in this present moment? What are you looking at?

Speaker 1: 18:45

Like, not, I'm just seeing things right, because if you're driving, and you're driving a route that you normally drive, it's so easy to forget that you're driving because you're thinking so much so you'll go through several lights, go through several neighborhoods and be like, oh shoot, I'm almost home, right, because you kind of like, left the present moment and went somewhere else and even though you're looking at what's in front of you so that you're not in the car accident, you're actually not looking. You're not looking at the cracks in the street. You're not looking at the graffiti on the signs and what the words actually mean. You're not looking at the types of trees that you're passing and what kind of leaves these trees have. You're not looking at the position of the sun and the difference of the position from earlier. You're not really looking at the types of cars that are around you and the people that are in the cars and if they have car seat in the cars. Like you're not actually in the present moment, you're in your head.

Speaker 1: 19:50

But I know I'm in my present moment when I'm able to really pay attention. I'm hearing the birds chirping. I'm looking at missing chips in the barks of the tree. I'm seeing I'm able to see different animals in the tree and the different types of birds in the sky. Like I'm able to see those different things.

Speaker 1: 20:07

Or let's just say I'm at an event, I'm in a coffee shop. I'm able to literally experience the different smells and pick up on the different smells in the coffee shop. Am I smelling coffee right now? Am I smelling a bakery treat? Am I the taste right? If I'm at an event and I'm not focused, like I'm in the present moment, I'm focused on the taste of what I am consuming. I'm not just consuming it, I'm like, oh my gosh, like each morsel is having a party on my tongue and I can feel that right. So what? I got the senses. I got sense of smell, sense of taste, touch, sight. What's the fifth one? Childhood Unforgotten? What the hearing? What am I hearing while I'm there? So, if I'm in a coffee shop, am I picking up the conversations that the baristas might be having with other customers? Am I picking up somebody that might be having a meeting on Zoom? Am I picking up the music and the lyrics? Like I'm present, my senses are engaged, but most of us are not engaged.

Speaker 1: 21:23

And am I mindful of my actions? Going back to eating, right, am I mindfully eating? I know one of my friends. He actually did a popular video back in the day when he went viral Um, and he did a video on eating a raisin in four hours, like it, taking four hours to eat a raisin and he made the video so that he could show what a mindful practice looks like. Like, although I could throw this raisin in my mouth and just eat it in two seconds, I'm going to take four hours to mindfully consume and chew this raisin, right, and so he recorded this video and I look, and how I know it's true is because I was there when he recorded it. I was at the YouTube studios when he was filming it and I'm sitting there watching him like for four hours, record this damn video, right.

Speaker 1: 22:20

So it's not something that if he said, she said I'm like, I'm there witnessing this Now. Is this saying you need to take four hours to eat your meal or something? No, this is saying that when you're out and about, having your phone out is not being mindful. It's not. It's not being mindful of your actions. Stuffing your face and just watching TV isn't mindful.

Speaker 1: 22:45

Mindful is I am mindful of the taste of the food. I'm mindful for how, like I'm chewing the food, I'm mindful of the people in the room around me as I'm chewing my food, like that's practicing mindfulness and my actions. Right, I'm being present, I'm in the present moment, my attention is on the here and now, right? So that's the second skill. The third skill is feeling pleasure, and you need to ask yourself this big question am I enjoying and indulging in the moment? So I'm pretty, I'm out at this location, I'm out at this event, I'm out at this venue. Am I feeling pleasure while I'm here Meaning, am I feeling relaxed?

Speaker 1: 23:32

If you're tensed up, like that is a signal for people to stay away from your ass, okay, especially the types of men that you want. So if you've been like stressed throughout the day, you ain't been able to handle that, or you have unprocessed emotions and you ain't been able to handle that and you go out with them unprocessed emotions and that unprocessed stress you are going to give off tense. That is not going to scream pleasure. Men are going to want to approach you when you feel safe, and a tense woman is not a safe woman. Okay, are you finding things to smile about? Like, are you purposely looking for things to put a smile on your face or are you looking for the world to entertain you, right? So, for example, when I go out, I am oh my gosh, I get the biggest kick.

Speaker 1: 24:22

Wherever I'm at with children, I'm always looking like when I'm around children, like some people are like annoyed. Like even on planes, when kids are crying on planes and people are like, oh, I wish I was never on this plane. Like I found something to smile. Like, wow, like that baby is really navigating pressurized atmosphere and their parents have no idea the amount of pain that's happening with this baby and that baby's pushing through this baby's brave right. I'm finding things to smile about there.

Speaker 1: 24:58

Right, if I'm going to an event, I'm looking for instances at this event to smile about. Is it a conversation that I'm overhearing, that I can smile about, that I'm enjoying? Right, am I seeing someone do something at an event that I can get a kick out of? And just purposely finding things to smile about? When I'm at a hotel bar like a really nice bar and the people are behind the counter, you know, saying what they say, doing what they do, I find a way to create a moment with them and again finding things to smile about in that moment. So, are you indulging in the present moment? When I go outside during my breaks and my feet are barefoot and it's on the grass, I'm looking, I'm like I'm finding the squirrels and cats, like I saw a cat on the roof the other day and I'm like what the hell is this cat doing on the roof? Right, I'm just standing outside. I'm like, again purposely finding some things to smile about.

Speaker 1: 26:00

And are you noticing things that you appreciate A lot of times when we're going out there and we're like, I want to be approached. It's like approach me, approach me. Men aren't approaching me and you're not looking at, like, the beauty of the room itself, the beauty of the event itself, like, what am I appreciating about this room? What am I appreciating about this event? How can I get excited about what's in front of me, even if I never got approached? Am I finding things that I find beautiful? Right, and that could be an attractive man, right, right, it could be a setup, a beautiful setup, it could be artwork. Am I finding things that I find beautiful?

Speaker 1: 26:45

Okay, so these three skills having presence, being present and feeling pleasure are necessary. They are non-negotiable for you to embody. Because when you embody this but, by the way, like, this is the divine feminine embodiment, right, if you embody this, you will become memorable and magnetic. If your presence is felt when you come into the room, if you are being present where your attention is on the here and now, because when your attention is on the here and now, you easily find opportunities to connect energetically with men in the room easily, right, and when you're feeling pleasure, you give off comfortable, fun, enjoyable vibes, not like oh, I'm tense, right, I'm looking for someone to rescue me from my life. I'm looking for somebody to overcome my own insecurities. I'm looking for somebody to validate me. I don't need nobody to validate me. I validate myself. I don't need, I don't need to like a man to come and entertain me. I am my own entertainment. I don't need men to bring the fun. I am my own damn fun.

Speaker 1: 28:00

When you are the source of your own fun, your own entertainment, your own enjoyment, your own pleasure, when you're the source of your own comfort. Right, when you're the source, the source is what pulls in what you're seeking and men will feel excited and safe and inspired to approach you. Because you are the source, you are the garden. You are well curated and taken care of, because you've taken care of yourself in these ways. Right.

Speaker 1: 28:34

When it's hard for you to have presence to be felt in the room, your energetics is off. Right. When you have problems being present in the room, right, your mind is off. Right, your brain, your ego, has completely taken over because it's seeking something to cling on to the past or the future. It doesn't really appreciate what's in front of it. Right, it's kind of like a lack of gratitude, where we're not being able to be in the present moment, and if you can't feel pleasure, right, you're disconnected from your own self. Right, you're disconnected from creation. And if there's a disconnect in any of these things, you're going to struggle getting approach. But when you have these skills, this will improve the quality of men who approach you. It will increase the amount of dates that you go on and you'll stop going to events feeling invisible. Like you'll never have to worry about feeling invisible a day in your life and you'll start receiving attention from men that you're excited about.

Speaker 1: 29:43

Without looking desperate, without feeling thirsty, I can guarantee you any room that I walk into, my presence will be felt. I can be in the present moment and I can feel all types of pleasure, and that's how I know I can walk into any room and get approached that's just not an issue Like. I never have to worry about that and be approached by the types of not just men, but the people. I want to be approached by the women. I want to be approached by Right, because I become like I need to make sure that the women who approach me are top tier too.

Speaker 1: 30:18

Okay, so that's what I want you to work on.

Speaker 1: 30:20

I really want you to start asking yourself these questions Can I be felt in the room? Is my attention on the here and now, and am I enjoying and indulging in the present moment? All right, and as a private client? If you become a private client, like these are things that I can coach you on every single week so that you can embody these positioning skills.

Speaker 1: 30:42

And once you master these skills, you'll automatically appear more unique and set apart from every other woman in the room, and you'll know how to move in and out of rooms and events, feeling powerful and highly desired, even if you currently don't feel confident in who you are now and how you look. All right, so, if you're interested in this in-depth level coaching and you'd like to work with me to embody this, go ahead and book a sales call to master these positioning skills, to get approached by high quality men in person and get asked to go out on dates, and this is something that we can implement within the 30 days of working together. Okay, and if you've enjoyed this episode, as always, go ahead and leave me a review, especially with my birthday coming up this weekend. All right, beautiful, I will talk to you next time. Bye.