Setting Relationship Goals for Delicious Dating Results

If you want to win in life, you should always have goals set that you want to accomplish. 

If you want to win in love, you should always have goals set that you want to accomplish. 

High-achieving women of faith are known to set goals for their lives (education, career, finances etc…)

But when it comes to love, we “wait and see” what happens. 

And this is why we’re losing in the modern dating world. 

Listen in as I share what it means to set goals for love…and practical ways to set relationship goals that will turn your dating dreams into a reality.

Interested in working with me 1:1. Book a sales call HERE to learn more about becoming a private client so that you can become in high-demand in the dating world…

…AND attract emotionally available and financially established men who desire serious commitment so that you can choose your life partner in as early as a year. 

OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:

Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop

Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard 

Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the show. The day was in show Cause I got another episode what's up, queen, today? Well, you know, yes, last week we talked about setting intentions, the importance of setting intentions so that you can create delicious results in your love life. If you have not listened to that episode, I recommend you pause this one and go back and listen to last week's episode before you dive into this one. Now, you don't have to. You can definitely get what you need from this particular episode without listening to the last one. But it's just just. This episode is just going to be an amazing combination with the last one. Ok, so if you enjoyed last week's episode, you're definitely going to love this one. If you love the practicality of last week, you're going to love this week, and this episode is for you.

Speaker 1: 1:02

If you are dating but you're not really satisfied with the experiences of your results, so you've been putting yourself out there, you've been dating men, but you're like I kind of feel stuck, I kind of feel stagnant, I kind of feel like things aren't going my way. I've been doing this for a while. I've been doing it for months. I've been doing it for years. I've been doing this for a while. I've been doing it for months, I've been doing it for years and I'm still not. I still don't have like evidence that this can happen to me, not happen for me within the next couple months or within this year. I don't know if a relationship is going to happen for me, the one that I desire, or the type of marriage that I want. I don't even know if it's going to happen for me Like this episode is for you, this the type of marriage that I want. I don't even know if it's going to happen for me Like this episode is for you. This episode is also for you if you are not dating at all and one of the reasons why you're not dating is because you were dating and you just got tired of that, or you just don't know where to start. And so if you are dating, you should have clear results that dating is working for you, especially for us high achieving women of faith. We need to make sure that we are creating clear results that dating is working for us, because the thing is, we are responsible for creating the clear results.

Speaker 1: 2:23

Most of us treat dating differently as high achieving women of faith, like we treat dating differently than school, like we set specific goals when it came to school. We set it for our education. We set goals when it came to our finances, our credit scores, buying homes, whatever. We set goals for those things and we set the goals with the mindset of I'm going to have a result from the goal. And that's what we did. We got our degrees from school, we got the jobs that we wanted, we created the business that we desired right, we built our credit score up to how we wanted it to be and we have the results.

Speaker 1: 3:06

But dating is different. We just date and we just hope for results to happen, like we're not intentional. We do not think about, like, how am I going to actually create results? Most of us think, okay, I just need to connect with men and I need to go on dates and one of these days, my love life is going to look exactly the way that I want it to be. And I'm just telling you right now that generally, that just doesn't work. Right Now.

Speaker 1: 3:35

Do we see people actually just bump into someone and they have their fairy tale or whatever the case? Yeah, that happens every now and again. And even the ones that we see like we don't know what's actually happening in our home, but we can definitely say that there are exceptions to the rule, but we can say the same thing about everything else. There are people that did not. They were not intentional and they did not seek to create results. When it came to school, right, they didn't study like everybody else and they still made the best living for themselves. Right, we had people that didn't even apply for a job and all they did was connect with somebody that they knew and they landed a job without needing to submit a bunch of resumes. You know, they didn't have to go on a bunch of interviews, it happened on the first try and they had their dream job.

Speaker 1: 4:27

We see it with a lot of different things in our lives, that some people just don't have to do it. Some people don't have to watch their weight, they don't have to count calories, their macros, they just remain a certain size, while the rest of us have to really pay attention to our nutrition. The rest of us have to really pay attention. There are some people that are just really good with money. They don't um, they don't live beyond their needs, they don't really have to check Uh, they don't really have to stick to a specific budget and they have their investments in place.

Speaker 1: 5:04

And then there's those of us who got to look at our bank account every day. Right, we got to make sure we got subscriptions that are not going out, that we should be unsubscribing for. We got to make sure that we keep a certain limit in our bank account, especially if we're like entrepreneurs, right, and we don't have like a regular salary, but that's not the general rule. Those people are exceptions. The fact that you don't have like a regular salary, but that's not the general rule, those people are exceptions. The fact that you don't have to count, like the fact that you don't have to watch what you eat and exercise to stay in shape, that is the exception. And the thing is, life isn't fair. So we can either look at those people and say, well, why, why can't I have that? Why, why is it so easy for them? Or we could just say, hey, that's just, that's the exception. I'm pretty much going to have to set goals and work for what I want, and many of us high achieving women of faith we're not being intentional about creating our own dating results.

Speaker 1: 5:59

Most of us don't believe that we can have a totally different dating experience that we have right now, in 90 days Like we don't believe in 90 can have a totally different dating experience that we have right now, in 90 days Like we don't believe in 90 days Like I love, life would look completely different. Because we do not believe that we can control what happens deep down inside. We believe we control everything else, which is a lie, because you can't control anything else per se. Like we're looking at the grand scheme of things, right, there is this illusion of control that we have, but ultimately, life is completely out of our control because our life can be ended tomorrow, right, all of these things can be snatched and taken from us within a twinkling of an eye and we can't do anything about it. So we all have the illusion of control here and we're so used to waiting and seeing what happens. We're just going to wait and see, because we don't think that we can, like control it the way we can control everything else, like our career and education and credit score, like all of that. We don't think we can control it the way we can control those things. So we're like, well, I'm just going to wait and see what happens, and we are so used to getting disappointed and feeling like nothing we do is going to work for us, which is why I teach setting practical relationship goals so that we can take quote unquote control over our love lives.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Because when you set relationship goals, you have the responsibility and the ability to control the trajectory of your love life right. And when you set intentional, practical relationship goals, you won't ever be confused as to why you are not making progress in your love life. Your actions will be more specific, the men you attract will be more intentional, your dates will be more delicious and you will feel like dating is an exciting journey rather than a frustrating game. So the strategy that I am about to share with you on how to actually set relationship goals so that you can actually see success in your love life see success with dating is the exact same they set for every single month. It is what they use in order for them to collect evidence that they are actually making progress in their love life. It is what they use in order to be like wow, like I'm doing this, I'm attracting the types of men that I want, I'm receiving what I desire, I'm going on the dates that I want, and so this strategy is you have the relationship goals as a whole, but there are three key goals that you set in order to reach your relationship goals and you set this every single month. You set these three goals every single month and these goals must be tangible and results driven. So every goal that you set needs to be tangible, practical and results driven.

Speaker 1: 9:17

So the first goal that I have clients set is a dating goal, and this goal is all about meeting men and going out on dates. So, whatever, whatever they are doing, it is focused on am I meeting men or is this going to lead to a date? Like, if I complete this goal, if I, if I set this goal, is it going to lead me to? Is it going to lead me to meeting more men and going on dates? Um, so, you could be going to events and that leads to you meeting men and going out on dates. It's about how many dates that you have, how many men that you meet, and how you will take action to make it happen. So, for example, a goal might be I will go out on four dates this month. That's a dating goal for the month, right? So it's very measurable and if you are not at the point where you feel like I don't know if I can do four dates this month because I'm not really dating right now. That seems like a stretch. Maybe the goal is I will meet four new men this month. That is something that you can measure and if you're not dating, it works for you. Measure and if you're not dating, it works for you.

Speaker 1: 10:36

Or the goal could be I will make an effort to talk to at least one new person at a social gathering per this month. I will initiate conversations with five new men per week on a dating app. I will join a co-ed sports league or an activity group this month. I will visit new coffee shops or social venues one time a week and strike up conversations. I will send a message to three interesting matches per week on dating apps. I will reach out to my friends to see if they have recommendations on who is potentially in their circle that I could go on a date with.

Speaker 1: 11:16

And if you listen to last week episode, I provided a story on how I reached out to a friend and I asked her. I was like hey, like, if we're going to this party, you know these people at the party. I want to link. There's two men that I noticed at this party. I would love for you to pass my number. I would love for you to put a word in right. That was something that I did all the time, all the time Visiting coffee shops. That has always been a thing for me. Meeting new people and striking up conversations always been a thing.

Speaker 1: 11:49

But when you set a dating goal, one dating goal, at the end of the month you can see whether you achieve that goal or not, right? So when clients come back and we're like okay, did you? Did you reach the five dates that you set out to do this month, it's either a yes or no. It's either a yes, I did it, yes, like congratulations success, we did it. Or it's either a yes, I did it, yes, like congratulations success, we did it. Or it's like no, I didn't do it. And this is why, right. And if there is a why, I mean if there, if you didn't do it. Now it's time to reflect and be like OK, why didn't we do it? What happened there? What got in the way? What were some mindset issues that we had going on? What got in the way? What were some mindset issues that we had going on? What circumstances came up in our lives to where this did not happen. Are we okay with it not happening? Was there certain things that were completely out of our control? Or were there things that were in our control and we talked ourselves out of it, like what happened there? And so I want you to think about the same thing. I want you to set one dating goal, just one, something very simple for you to accomplish, so that every single month, like you know that, hey, I did this, I was able to accomplish this. So we have a dating goal.

Speaker 1: 13:07

The second goal that you need to set under your relationship goals is a desire goal. That you need to set under your relationship goals is a desire goal, and a desire goal is a goal that something tangible that you want to experience or receive in your love life. It is about how you want to be treated, it is about what kind of interactions you want to create and it's about what kind of desires you want fulfilled. Now, these goals, again, are tangible and practical. There is don't. I desire more peace in my life, I desire more joy in my life, I desire more fun, like. Those are things that we can't readily measure at the end of the month and say did you get this goal or did you not? Right, we can't do that.

Speaker 1: 13:57

So the importance of the desire goal is, while you are dating and you're meeting men, you're also getting what you want. You're also experiencing pleasure. You are also feeling like, wow, I am adored, I am appreciated, I am taken care of. People want to show up for me. So we have the dating goal and then we have the desire goal on top of it, so that there is pleasure during this process. And so you know that, even if you don't have no man, you still getting what you want. Even though you don't have a boyfriend and you're not in a relationship, you are still being cared for, you're still being provided for, you still feel supported because you are getting your desires met all the time. And so have clients set this desire goal, and the desire goal might be as simple as I want to receive fresh flowers right, I have a lot of clients go for the fresh flowers, right, I want to receive fresh flowers, and then they use my methods in order to receive it. So I talked about the voice method when I was doing the Well, please, woman content. This should be some of that on the podcast, and they'll use the voice method to communicate exactly what they want, how they wanted, and be able to express themselves so that men show up for them.

Speaker 1: 15:21

Also, a desire goal might be this month I want to be taking on a romantic picnic in a beautiful park that's a desire. Or I want to experience a day of exploring art galleries and museums. I want to be provided car service or Uber. I had a client. She was just like yeah, I want to go on this date with this man, but it's going to be late and I would like for him to make sure I got an Uber home. Okay, well, let's do it. What do we got to do to make it happen? Let's communicate that. Let's get this desire goal. I have another client.

Speaker 1: 15:54

One of her desire goals this past month was a salsa date. I want to have a salsa date, so the men that I'm matching with. I am going to communicate that that is my desire, so that I can go salsa dancing. Okay. I had another client. Her desire was to have a helicopter date. Like a helicopter ride over the city. I want to be taken on a casual drive with no destination in mind. We're just going to get in the car and we're just going to drive, or I want to be taken to a farmer's market on a weekend morning, and the beautiful thing about these desire goals is that, yes, the men can provide this for you. You want them in to provide it. But if you are trying to get into dating, you don't really have any prospects yet. You can set a desire goal and have friends and family fulfill it for you at this time to get your practice skills up, to express them to men. Practice skills up to express them to men.

Speaker 1: 16:52

So the desire goal we have the dating goal and the third goal. The third and last goal is the development goal, and this goal focuses on your personal growth, and I love this so much. Right, I love this so much. It's all about identifying areas that you want to work on to become a better version of yourself, and this could include improving your ability to ask for what you want. This could be your improving your vulnerability, to improve your conversation skills, your communication skills, to improve your ability to receive as a woman. So I love this goal so much because, even if let's just say dating, the dating goal feels like, ah, the development goal, you always know that you are growing as a woman, like you always, you always know that I'm improving my skillset and I also love this goal because this goal help cleans up a lot of patterns that we have that's preventing us from attracting quality men, that is leading to disconnection with quality men.

Speaker 1: 18:03

So when we work on our development goals, one thing with clients. So clients will come to the call and they're like hey, what do you think my development goal should be? And we'll talk about it. I'm like, well, I think you need to work on developing better boundaries, because this is how you're showing up with men and that has not been working out for you. You have been very overwhelmed and very frustrated with this piece right here. So I think your development goal for this month is to create better boundaries so that you do not feel the need to go into what you've been going into with men, right.

Speaker 1: 18:42

So she has had like the tendency of needing to, I guess, justify her decisions with men, like they'll push back and she wouldn't honor her own boundaries and continue to push back with them because she needed them to know that this is where she stands. And I'm like, if you need men to know that, then you are not abiding by your own boundaries. So the development goal this month we're going to work on your boundaries. We're going to set what we might set three boundaries. So in areas where you feel annoyed or frustrated, or we may express three boundaries where in the past you have not been very clear about, you have not been very confident about, we'll use my communication method for you to be able to express this to men or we'll talk about how to execute the boundaries. We'll pick an action item and that's what we'll work on.

Speaker 1: 19:37

So I love the development goal because it helps you become a better woman as you are dating, as you are getting your desires met, and it's a well-rounded way to reach your relationship goals. Because if I'm dating, if I'm reaching my dating goals and if I'm getting my desires and I'm becoming a better woman, like it is really hard not to reach your relationship goals. It is really hard not to go on the dates that you want to go on. It's incredibly hard. But let me get back to the development goal, because I'm going down a rabbit hole, because I just I love all this so much, but a development goal one of the things that, like, I'll tell my clients I'm like, okay, so development goal can't be. It has to be tangible, it has to be practical. It can't be like, well, like, let's just say we want to develop our vulnerability. That will be the theme of the goal, but it won't be the goal itself. Or I want to develop my conversations. That is the theme of the goal, but it is not the goal itself. So that is the theme of the goal, but it is not the goal itself.

Speaker 1: 20:39

So, for example, a goal will be I will attend a personal development workshop once a month, or a webinar once a month. That's a goal. Or if you are, if you want to handle, if you, if you want to become a better communicator that's the theme and the goal may be I will initiate a difficult conversation with honesty and empathy, at least once a month, once per month this month. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to initiate two of them. Or if you are somebody who have difficulty receiving and you want to work on your receiving skills, that is the theme and the actual goal is I will ask for help three times per week.

Speaker 1: 21:18

Or if you, the theme is I want to be more vulnerable, the goal might be I will express my feelings three times per week this month, right? Or if you want to manage your time better so that you can date better, the goal could be I will say like I will say no to one non-essential task each week to protect my time. Or if you want to do communication, I will seek feedback from friends, family, colleagues on my communication skills. Once a week. I will journal my thoughts and feelings for 15 minutes each evening to understand my emotions. If you want to manage your emotions better, I will challenge a negative thought and replace it with a positive one each day. If you want to manage your emotions better, I will challenge a negative thought and replace it with a positive one each day. If you want to work on more mindfulness, if you want to work on more mindset stuff. So these three goals combine right, like Captain Planet, their powers combined, I am.

Speaker 1: 22:16

But, yes, so these are the three goals that I have clients set for themselves each month so that they can, each month, like, see like what did we do? Like what happened, and every single week, looking back and saying, like how are the dating goals going? How are the development goals going? How are the desire goals going? Okay, you're stuck here. This is how we're going to help clean this up for you.

Speaker 1: 22:43

And so, if you're listening to this and you're not currently a client, I want you to set these three goals every single month, every single month. I want you to take some time take about 30 minutes to 45 minutes and really think about what your vision of your love life is. I always have them think about like the quarter, like what do they want their love life to look like in 90 days? Because they literally can get a full transformation in 90 days if they do this work. So I would say, okay, create your vision for the next 90 days, and now we're going to create goals each month to support that vision, so you can have this transformation in 90 days. So that's what I want you to do. I want you to put things to the side, set these three goals, set your dating goal, set your desire goal, set your development goal, and I want you to create one action item that is going to help you achieve this goal, one action item that you can take either on a daily basis or a weekly basis that's going to help you get to where you need to be in order to set these goals.

Speaker 1: 23:49

And what's amazing about this? Again, at the end of the month, you can see what you have done and what you haven't done. You can see where you have done and what you haven't done. You can see where you got stuck on. You can see where your brain has the most challenges with, where you feel like you have the most obstacles, and then you can solve for those problems. You can solve for them. Versus I'm just going to get on the app, I'm just going to send a message and I'm just going to do this and I'm just going to do that, like I'm just going to send a message and I'm just going to do this and I'm just going to do that, like I'm just going to go on a bunch of dates and just hope things happen. Versus this is what I did.

Speaker 1: 24:23

I don't have a man right now, but this is exactly what I did. I have clients come back and they're just like wow, I literally one client she was like Tora. I don't even know what my desire goal is this month, because I'm getting all my desires fulfilled. He is showing up for me this way. This man is showing up for me that way. How can I? I don't have more desires. I'm like girl there's always more desires. There's always more desires. Let's just kind of dig deeper and see what we can get the desires.

Speaker 1: 24:53

But she was having trouble getting a desire goal and the thing is she said the only thing, the only desire I have right now is to like, move in a relationship, but I'm getting everything else I wanted. And I want that type of stuff for you to where, yeah, you might not be in a relationship yet, yeah, you might not have a man yet, but you are being pleased so well by men, you are being taken care of so well that it is doesn't feel like a struggle. Now somebody might be listening to this and was like, well, if she's being pleased so much, if you're being pleased so much, why aren't you in a relationship? Well, because just because a man is quality doesn't mean that we're in alignment to go exclusive right. One thing I teach my clients is we don't go exclusive unless we see we can marry this man, like it's a possibility we can marry. We just don't go exclusive with the man just because we like him. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes observation. So that was that rabbit hole. I digress.

Speaker 1: 25:50

I have clients that say you know, I set this goal Me and clients. We had like a group reset, a group goal reset the other day where we all were like we reflected on what happened the prior month and there were so many ladies that came to the call. I was like, yeah, I reached my goal, I reached the goal this month, I reached this goal and then if anyone had a goal that they did not reach, got coached on it. You know, and I love being able to show up for my clients in this way Inside of my private one-to-one coaching, you will learn how to set intentional and practical relationship goals so that you experience dating success.

Speaker 1: 26:32

On a monthly basis, you will know the exact actions that you need to take on a daily, weekly basis to reach each goal, each dating goal, weekly basis to reach each goal, each dating goal, each desire goal, each development goal, and each week, I will coach you through any obstacle that is stopping you from reaching your relationship goals, whether that is a mindset block, whether there is a fear, whether there is like you're unsure on how to execute based upon your circumstances. I will coach you through it so that you can get the results that you desire. Your goals will be personalized and unique to you and what your personal capacity is, so that you can take action that is best for you, instead of trying to compare yourself to where others are and I love coaching my clients exactly where they are at, because your goals are going to be different. I have clients that have never had a man before, never had a boyfriend before, in their 30s and 40s, and I've had clients that have had several relationships several boyfriends may have been married before. They're going to have different goals. They're going to have different needs and so their relationship goals need to look different. Their action items need to look different. It needs to be based upon their capacity, their risk averse level right, and each month, as a private client, we're going to do a reflect and review session where we reflect on what went right, what could have went better, what you will do differently the next time, the next month, and we will set new goals for the upcoming month. So every single month, you will have goals, you will have an action plan and you will be able to review and coach through whatever obstacles you're having. And using this signature process for a relationship goals having and using this signature process for a relationship goals, I've helped clients get results in 30 days, in two weeks, in one hour, that they were not able to do on their own in years, in years, right, quantum leaps. And clients stay excited and motivated while dating because they are always making progress, they are always getting what they want. They are always becoming better women because they did what Set a dating goal, set a desire goal and set a development goal, and they're getting what they want. They are experiencing success regardless of their past dating experience, regardless of their age, regardless of their body type, regardless of their ethnic background, regardless of how far behind they thought they were when they started working with me. Okay, and you can definitely do the same too.

Speaker 1: 29:08

So if you want to make monthly progress towards your desired love life by accomplishing your relationship goals, you're going to work with me. To do that, I encourage you to book a sales call. Girl, book a sales call. The link will be in the show notes and if you don't have access to show notes, you can look at the link in my Instagram bio and book a sales call so you and I can connect on Zoom and really dive deep into your love life what's been happening for you, what you want to happen for you, and I will be on the other side really taking everything in, and at the end of our call, I will provide a step-by-step blueprint of what it would look like to work together and reach your relationship goals.

Speaker 1: 29:52

So I know this episode was extremely helpful. I know it gave you a lot to chew on. I would love to know if you are going to be setting your relationship goals for what we're in the month of June. You can set it in the month of June Like we're only a few days in um, while halfway in you can still set goals. Set your dating goals, set your desire goals, set your development goal, become a better woman, get what you want and go on the types of dates that you want, so that you're always making progress and always having success in your love life. All right, girl, until next time. Oh yeah, go ahead and write a review too. Go ahead and write a little review. Go ahead and give a five-star review. And until next time, girl. Bye.