Welcome to this episode of Messy Can’t Stop Her. I am your host, Judith Kambia Obatusa – JKO.
The inspiration for today’s episode was a piece on comparison that one of my big sisters shared with me. Let me read it to you.
You can seem like a millionaire to one person and a homeless person to the next. The ants think you are a giant and the trees don't even notice you.
You think you have a boring life, but the next person might be striving for your lifestyle. Comparison is the thief of joy so just stay kind and keep living life. Life is all Just a big game of perspective.
I went searching for the source online and I saw it on the Twitter page of Jabulile Jay-T Khoza, a South African musician.
You may have guessed it already…yes…Today, we're talking about comparison. You know that feeling? Scrolling through social media, seeing someone's seemingly perfect life, and suddenly feeling like you just don't measure up? Yeah, girl, been there, done that.
The trap of comparison is something that most of us, we women, have fallen into at some point or the other. In fact some of us are still in the depths of that trap. As we draw the curtain on May, mental health month, I would like us to take a dive into how comparison affects our mental health as women.
Before we continue, I would like to ask you for a favour. To help more women benefit from this episode, if this episode resonates with you, share it with a sister who may need to hear it too. And please, pretty please, subscribe, share, and leave a comment about today's episode in your listening app – whether Apple podcasts, Spotify, or any others? I thank you in advance.
Theodore Roosevelt said comparison is the thief of Joy and he was, and is still right even today. Comparison is a thief. It steals our joy, our confidence, and our peace.
But why does it happen, especially to us as women.
Science has something to say about it. Research has shown that comparison can significantly impact mental health. According to a study published in the Journal of Behavioural Addictions, social comparison is linked to depressive symptoms and low self-esteem. When we constantly compare ourselves to others, especially on social media, we are more likely to feel inadequate and dissatisfied with our own lives. The same study also showed that women were more vulnerable to social comparison and more likely to experience negative psychological outcomes because of it.
Comparison is something that’s been around forever, and it’s actually addressed multiple times in the Bible. A powerful verse that references comparison is Proverbs 14:30: "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." Envy and comparison go hand in hand, and this verse highlights how destructive these feelings can be to our well-being.
We all come face to face with the comparison trap at some point. Even phenomenal women like Beyoncé have opened up about struggling with it. Queen Bey herself said, "I used to compare myself to other celebrities all the time. I would see their success and think, ‘Oh my God, I’m not good enough.’" See? We all get caught in that web.
But like I always say when we discuss these challenges that impact us, it is not all gloom and doom. We can actually break free from the trap of comparison!
Here are 3 tips that can save us from the trap of comparison.
Number 1 – Remember that you are not on display: You're not living your life for the approval of others. Take a break from the highlight reel of everyone else's life on social media and focus on your own goals and passions. I don’t know who said this but I have heard it from Pastor Joel Osteen and seen it on various pages – Run your own race. A Nigerian proverb says when you are in the marketplace, you listen to the person you are buying from and not the noise of the market place.
Number 2 – Embrace your journey: We all have our own path. Focus on your goals and celebrate your progress, big or small. In Michelle Obama’s memoir "Becoming," she talks about the pressures of being compared to other First Ladies and public figures, and she highlights the importance of finding one's own path and not allowing external expectations to define your worth. In Becoming, she emphasized that everyone’s journey is unique, and true happiness comes from within, not from measuring up to someone else.
The Bible actually talks about this too. In Galatians 6:4, it says, "Let each one test his own work, then he will have reason to rejoice in himself alone, and not in comparison with another." My sister, God wants us to celebrate our own unique journeys, not get lost comparing ourselves to others.
One of the most popular passages about comparison is Galatians 6:4-5, which says, "Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." This reminds us to focus on our own journey and responsibilities, not someone else’s.
I do not know the wise person that said “Don't compare your Chapter 3 to someone else's Chapter 15.” You met them at chapter 15 and you are now comparing yourself to them. Do you see how futile that is? We all have our own paths, and our own pace. Celebrate your progress, big or small.
Number 3 – Celebrate Other Women: My sister, support your sisters! When you see another woman winning, be happy for them, cheer her on! Their success does not diminish yours. Do you see the sky? Birds do not bump into each other. No matter how many they are, each of them will always find their space. What is yours will never pass you by.
Rom. 12:15 says “rejoice with those who rejoice”.
Being happy or sad in life is all about perspective. Like the piece I started with said “You could walk by someone living in a mansion, feeling like a broke nobody. But to a homeless person, you might seem like a millionaire! An ant sees you as a towering giant, while a towering tree might not even register your presence.” So my sister, take a moment and think about your answer to this question – “What is your perception of yourself? How do you see yourself?”
While you dwell on that, I want to remind you about who you are.
You, my sister, are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are worthy. You are enough. You are unique, and your journey is your own.
Comparison is a thief of joy and peace, for sure! So, don’t let it steal from you. When you do this, messy won’t stop you. Thank you so much for listening, see you next time!
