The Present Teacher Podcast

How to Get Your Students to Respect You During the Beginning of the School Year

• Helena Hains • Season 1 • Episode 111

Share episode

Send us a text

Are you starting off the school year and you're worried your students may not respect you?

Here's a breakdown of the exact steps I take to get my students to respect me during the beginning of the school year. This week I share not only my mistakes but other classroom management strategies that have worked well for not only me but other teachers I have coached as well. It's a myth that you can't smile until December to be a good teacher. This week I share how I continue to be that "fun and engaging" teacher while still building strong relationships and respect with my students.

These student relationship strategies will help you confidently minimize disruptive behavior, save time in the classroom, and be confident in your classroom management skills. 

Grab my Classroom Procedure Slides: https://thepresentteacher.com/normal-classroom-setup-page/
Download the Ultimate Classroom Management Guide Here: https://sunny-creator-106.ck.page/68df834c5c
Join the 15-Day Classroom Management Challenge: https://thepresentteacher.com/clm15daychallenge
Get support inside The Present Teacher Circle Community: https://thepresentteacher.com/present-teacher-circle/

___________________________


❤️Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/thepresentteacher/

🔥TikTok | https://www.tiktok.com/@thepresentteacher

🚀Website | https://thepresentteacher.com/

💜YouTube | https://youtube.com/@ThePresentTeacher?si=meqMmiDHJN-0Jmlr


___________________________


// RESOURCES


💌 Join our email list for weekly motivation | https://sunny-creator-106.ck.page/4277e03f92


🌼 Join our Community on Facebook | https://www.facebook.com/groups/thrivingnewteachers


___________________________


//  ABOUT


I’m Helena, a coach for new and first-year teachers sharing knowledge on how to have a thriving career and personal life.


The Present Teacher Podcast is a resource for classroom management, classroom organization, time management, and teacher wellness. Follow along and learn how to thrive in the classroom and in life.


Subscribe to The Present Teacher Podcast to get inspired by new weekly podcast episode

Helena:

So you've started teaching and you're starting to notice that your students aren't really respecting you. They might be talking when you're talking, having sideline conversations, getting out of their seats and, just in general, not really respecting when you're talking or doing what you say. If this is, you, don't worry. When I first started, I was exactly where you were at. You see, I felt like my students were constantly out of their seats. They were talking when I was exactly where you were at. You see, I felt like my students were constantly out of their seats. They were talking when I was talking, they had silent conversations, and it felt like I had to repeat myself 20 times before they started to do what I asked of them. So if you can relate to any of these, stick around, because today I'm going to share how to get your students to respect you. So, that being said, let's dive right in.

Helena:

Hey, teacher bestie, my name is Helena and I'm the creator of the Present Teacher Podcast. I'm a first year teacher coach and in this podcast, you are going to learn everything from simple, actionable classroom management, social learning and teacher wellness strategies. You know that impact you want to make in the classroom. We're going to make it happen here. So the first thing you're going to want to do when it comes to getting your students to respect you is you're going to want to show them mutual respect. You see, one of the practices I adopted early on was I made sure to treat my students how I wanted them to treat me. So this looked like telling them yes, ma'am, or yes, sir, no, sir, you know, yes, mr Blank, yes, ms Blank, and just having an overall respect for them. When they're talking to me, if I'm working on something like responding to an email, I might ask them to wait a second so I can give them my full, undivided attention, and then I make sure to show them and model active listening and show that I'm listening and model what respect looks like. This goes a really long way, because it may feel like your students aren't listening to you and they don't know what respect. You know they're not being respectful, but the truth of the matter is, when you show them respect, they start mimicking your behaviors and they'll just naturally start adopting the same traits and same you know ways of going about your day that you do. So that's why I highly recommend making sure to take a step back and make sure that you're being respectful and just to be almost overly respectful throughout the day, to show them what it looks like and feels like to get that kind of respect when it comes to the classroom, the second area I highly recommend that you look at if you want your students to respect you is to have clear expectations and procedures.

Helena:

Now, when I first started, I felt like my students were never listening to me. I feel like I had to repeat the instructions 20 times and after I told them to do something, they wouldn't do it the right way and I just couldn't figure out why. And I felt like I had a really hard class. But after a couple of weeks and even months, I started to ask myself what, if it's not them? There must be something here. And what I discovered was, yes, I was telling my students what I expected of them, but I wasn't showing them what I was expecting of them. I wasn't being specific enough. For example, if I tell you all right, everybody, please get in line I didn't say how.

Helena:

I didn't model how. I don't know if I'm supposed to be walking feet or running feet. I don't know if I'm allowed to talk or can't talk. I don't know if I can hit my friend's pencil out of their hands or if I can't, all of these. While, yes, common sense to adults may not be explicitly clear to a student. That's why, especially as a primary teacher, I started modeling to my students what it looks like and sound like and I really started to model those procedures. I started telling them how we're going to do it and why we're going to do it that way. That way my students know I'm not doing stuff just to be mean, cranky. And then you know one of those adults, I'm doing it because there's a reason and here's why. So, with that being said, when it comes to procedures, it often looks like modeling what it does look like and sound like Meaning. I'm physically getting up and I'm showing them. And then it's also about modeling the wrong way and having discussions about that, discussing why it's important and then having them practice over and over again.

Helena:

Now, a common misconception is to have really good classroom management skills. You have to be strict, rough and you know negative and cutthroat and don't smile, and cranky and yeah. No, I don't agree with that at all. That's just not how I teach at all. But I still wanted to have really strong classroom management skills. So instead, I just have my students practice and I have clear expectations in the classroom and I explain to my students that I have these conversations with them. It's not to be mean, it's to be respectful. It's to be respectful of each other and of the learning environment and of me.

Helena:

So when you go about you know, modeling the procedures and expectations and having your students practice, have them practice over and over again, because when you practice something to the standard that you like, it becomes a habit, meaning, for example, my students, by the end of the year, if not, you know, october transition from center to center without me saying anything when I turn on a song because we've practiced 21, 25, 30 times. And it's not to be mean, it's because I want them to transition smoothly and effectively so we're not wasting time, so I can be respectful of their time and their learning and I don't waste their time. So, making sure that you are being clear, concise and you are modeling what your expectations are in procedures and being consistent with those, because you don't want to introduce these procedures and expectations the first month of school because everybody says to, but then halfway through the school year you've gotten really lax and don't really care, because then your students aren't going to care and then it's going to feel like your students aren't respecting you. So don't be afraid to know what you want, be clear what you want and model what you want so your students are set up for success and they're not there trying to read your mind on what you want or just doing what kids do and doing what kids want to do instead of listening to you because you haven't been clear on what it should look like and sound like.

Helena:

The third area that I highly recommend you work on, especially if you want to get more students to respect you, is to have clear consequences. Students to respect you is to have clear consequences. Now, oh, this hurts my teacher heart, but I really feel like this. I didn't want to be mean, so I would give my students warning after warning, after warning after warning, before consequence happened, and I felt like a consequence at that time had to be calling home. So consequence calling home please stop. Or I didn't call your mom, please stop. Or I didn't call home, please stop. Right, like over and over and over and over again. Or, oh, we're gonna get a tally, oh, and after 10 times I finally do it. Yeah, no, when you do that, you are showing students that you are not being serious and consequences don't have to be a bad thing. I'm going to say that again because you know first year teacher me if she could hear me right now, she needs to hear this. Consequences are not negative. There are things such as natural consequences. So, for example, and some consequences that aren't even bad. They're just helping your students get back on track to where they need to be. So what this looks like for me as the first time a student isn't doing what they're supposed to, I like to use proximity.

Helena:

Let's say, two students are, you know, talking while I'm teaching, instead of calling them out to their friends. By the way, please don't do that If you want your students to respect you, because they feel outed and they're going to feel some kind of way. If you do that, it's the equivalent of a principal calling you out when you and your teacher bestie are talking, when they're doing a staff meeting. If they call you out, you're not going to like it very much. Say with your kids that's something I learned the hard way, so make sure you don't accidentally do that. But instead I use proximity. I stand by them because when you are walking around the classroom, students are more likely to do what they're supposed to because they feel you watching them and they forget that you can hear them and you can see them. So just by walking around, standing next to students who aren't following expectations, they're naturally going to go back because it's uncomfortable to what they're supposed to. Now I'm not saying put your face in their face, but I'm saying just, you know, walking around can help.

Helena:

The second thing I do when students aren't following expectations is I like to point out students who are. So I like to say thank you so much. I love how so-and-so is working quietly. Thank you so much, so-and-so, you know this table for working as a team. I love how so-and-so walked to turn in their paper and stuff like that. Just using some examples, students will often notice that maybe they're not following expectations and they'll readjust themselves. So they are following expectations. The third time a student isn't following you know expectations. So I've done the proximity I get you know. I pointed out students who are following.

Helena:

I then pull them for a sideline conversation because students aren't fully developed emotionally, their brains aren't fully developed and therefore behavior is just communication. There's positive behavior and negative behavior, sure or not following expectations, but behavior is just communication and often when students are misbehaving, they're expressing a need or want that is not being met or some sort of lack, but they aren't at the adult level where they can articulate to you what that is or process their emotions sometimes. Therefore, it's important to pull them to the side to start discussing and figuring out why they're having, you know, partaking in disruptive behavior or choosing that behavior instead of the behavior and expectations you set ahead of time. So this could look like hey, so-and-so, I noticed that this is happening. Did you notice this too? And they'll talk about it. And then I'll be like okay, I noticed that you're feeling blank. Is that true Blank? Why do you think you're feeling blank? And then you might discover they didn't sleep well so, and so you know, got them upset last period. You know, during this class this happened, something's going on at home, they woke up wrong, something like that. And then you can start meeting them with compassion and start fixing the behavior. That's why it's really important to have those silent conversations and discuss and be like okay, I recognize that you're having blank, what can we do to fix that? And then, once you have a discussion about that. Okay, now the expectation is this so next time you have a need not being met, can you try this instead For me?

Helena:

When I had kids who were easily dysregulated and had a hard time regulating their emotions, they gave me a sign that could be the number two, the number three, something like that, a finger sign, and that let me know hey, my body is feeling dysregulated so I need to step back and talk to you when you have a second, and then they would step to the side and work on calming their body while I continue teaching the class. But as soon as I was done and I released the class to work on that activity, I could go talk to that student. So, essentially, consequences don't have to be bad. Consequences don't have to be bad, they can be good things. So, as a recap, my consequences now you know where you know proximity.

Helena:

Proximity didn't work. Pointing out the positive, if pointing out the positive didn't sideline conversation. If that doesn't work, then that's when I start bringing family support or I have them do. A natural consequence. So, for example, if they are making a mess in the bathroom and I've had a sideline conversation with them about it and they're still doing it. Obviously, or even during that conversation it could be the natural consequence is picking up the trash that they trashed the bathroom with. If I notice they are having a hard time talking, the natural consequence is we're going to practice what it looks like and sounds like not to be talking when the teacher is talking. And if that doesn't work, then it becomes family communication, then it becomes you know, admin or behavior plan at that point.

Helena:

But coming up with consequences and going step one, step two, step three, step four, step five ahead of time is really going to help you when it comes to being consistent in the classroom and not giving your kids 20 warnings. Because when you give your kids a bunch of warnings they're not taking you seriously. They know they like to push boundaries and if you one time don't do anything, after five or six times you know five or six warnings, then you take action. I'm going to know five or six times, then you're going to take action. So I could do it that many times and be okay with it as a kid. Now, developmentally they don't consciously do that, but unconsciously they're aware of that. So make sure you're being clear and concise with your consequences. Don't give a bunch of warnings. That's a quick way to get your students to feel like they don't respect you because they're pushing your boundaries.

Helena:

The next area I highly recommend you work on to get your students to respect you is strong relationships. Now I'm going to add a caveat. I know it's hard to reach every student and I know that just naturally, some personalities are going to clash. We're not going to get along with every student Not every student is going to get along with you but working on having some form of mutual respect and strong relationship is really going to help you with getting your students to respect you and listen to you in the classroom. So this could be, you know, getting to know about the student's interests in and outside of the classroom. This could be, you know, spending time outside of teaching with them. So this could be.

Helena:

What I like to do on Fridays is I like to have lunch with some of my kids. I like to pull, you know, two or three kids and I invite them to have lunch with some of my kids. I like to pull two or three kids and I invite them to have lunch with me if they want. And that's a really great way to help build strong relationships. And I will say this the kids who I have the hardest time in my teaching career building a relationship with were the kids that needed it the most and oftentimes they had a wall up and they didn't want to have that relationship because of some trauma or something that happened in their past or something going on at home. And those kids end up being the kids that, I swear, love me the most once I leave and once you create that safe space and you are consistent and you don't give up, it's amazing. Now, I'm not saying it works every time. So if you've had a student who you just couldn't connect with, even you know after they moved on, that's totally fine. But having strong relationships and consciously and intentionally building a strong relationship with your kids is gonna go a long way.

Helena:

I will say one of the my biggest strengths a teacher and we all have different strengths, but mine is building strong relationships with my kids because I try really hard to make them see, feel, heard and understood. I see them for who they are. I see them for who they are going to be and I recognize and I try to show up with compassion, with what they're feeling. I don't try to belittle their biggest traumas, their biggest you know battles they're facing or challenges every day, because to them it's real and I really try to meet them where they are. So building those strong relationships, getting to know your students and showing up with compassion and a safe space for them is really gonna help them and help build that respect environment and showing them, like I said, the respect that they showing them. Respect is going to really help them respect you.

Helena:

The fifth and final area I have for you to help you get your students to respect you is consistency. Now, I know it's very easy and tempting to watch or listen to this week's content, start implementing some of these and never come back to it. But the key is consistency. If I try really hard to be clear on my expectations and procedures the first month of school but I give up and don't really consciously put the effort in on week month two, three, four, five, six, by month seven, eight, nine, my kids are going to be possibly out of control and I get to revamp and start back over and kind of like redo what I did. That's why it's really important to be consistent. When you notice your students aren't following you, know the expectations, have them, practice it again. Introduce, revamp, take the time now so that way your students can help you run the classroom automatically. That way you can sit back and have a smoothly running machine without having to think about it when it comes to your consequences.

Helena:

If you are consistent with your plan the first, you know one, two, three months but you give up by month six, then your students, probably towards the end of the year, are really going to start pushing your buttons and it's going to be hard for you to show that mutual respect to them. So make sure whatever you choose out of anything that I said that may have felt aligned with you that you want to do, make sure you're consistent, because when you're consistent, more students know you mean business. You are being real, not in a mean way or decorating way, but you mean what you say and you're going to stick with it and you are the strong foundation your classroom is built on. You are the foundation your kids are relying on, you to be the leader. And by being the leader you get to be the strong person who leads by example and who knows what the expectations are and continues to uphold that.

Helena:

Now, a common misconception I've heard so often is that you know you have to be, like I said, rude, mean, cranky, to get your students to respect you. That is not the case. I am often labeled as my kids as the fun teacher, but they know that when they aren't following expectations, I don't yell, I get quiet and I get serious, and they know. And so you don't have to be that kind of teacher if you don't want to be. I'm trying to show you that it's possible. It's possible for a different way. If that's what you choose to be, and if anything I said doesn't feel aligned with you, then don't do it. But make sure you're clear on what your values are as a teacher and make sure to do things that feel aligned to you and listen to yourself and your own intuition. Whether it's from me or someone else, you know your kids best. So, all right off my soapbox.

Helena:

With all that being said, those are the five different areas that I like to use to show my kids that I respect them. I like to show them mutual respect. I like to, you know, call them yes, ma'am, no ma'am, yes, sir, no sir, mr Blank, miss Blank. That way they know that I'm showing them the respect and they are respected and this is a safe environment for us to respect each other. The second thing is I have clear expectations and procedures. I'm modeling what that looks like and I am being very consistent on upholding those expectations and procedures, not to be mean, but to create a space and an environment where we get to be fun and safe about it. The third area I like to show mutual respect or get my students to respect me is clear consequences. I no longer give 10, 20 warnings because been there, done that and it's exhausting. So instead I am very consistent with what the expectations are and the consequences following those, and I use natural consequences wherever possible and those sideline conversations. The next area that I show how I show respect for my students and they I get them to respect me is I build really strong relationships with them. I see them for who they are and meet them where they are at. I let them know where they are at is enough and that I'm going to help them be the student, be the person they want to be, and that this is a safe space to do that. And the last area is consistency. Being consistent with whatever you choose to do and whatever feels aligned to you and your values really helps go a long way, and I feel like the longer you teach, the easier it gets to do that, because you find out what works. But just being consistent is really important when it comes to getting your students to respect you. So those are the five things.

Helena:

If you want to dive deeper into classroom management in general, I have a couple different places to send you. First one I have a ton of content on classroom management, so make sure to go dive into past week's content, because definitely covered that topic a lot. Second area if you have any questions about classroom management or you want to you're interested in the top 10 classroom management questions I get asked make sure to check out the free classroom management guide. In this guide, I answer the top 10 questions I get in regards to managing a classroom. Plus, I also link to additional podcasts and YouTube videos. That way, if you want a further explanation or you want to see how I do it, you can go back and watch or listen to those.

Helena:

The third area I want to invite you to is I did a classroom management challenge and in this challenge it's over the course of 15 days and during those 15 days I give you a prompt each day to help you create your classroom management plan. As someone who really struggled with classroom management at the beginning of my career, I know how important it is and how it can really make an impact on your year and make things run smoothly and teaching easy. So, while all that under consideration, I wanted to create a 15-day challenge that helps you create a strong classroom management plan, so you're no longer worried about your classroom management. On your observations, your principal and admin are going to show that or see that. You show up confidently and you know exactly what to do when it comes to disruptive behavior and managing your classroom and preventing disruptive behavior from happening. So if you want to dive into that, make sure to download that as well.

Helena:

The last place I have always been passionate about helping new teachers make their classroom run on autopilot, and one area of that is classroom management. So if you want to join us inside the present teacher circle, that is an area where I have 12 different modules on different topics that will help you automate your classroom. In those I cover things like classroom management, planning, prepping data, family communication, teacher wellness, organization and so much more. So make sure to check that out if you are interested. All right, as always, remember we are stronger together. Thank you so much for joining me, teacher Bestie.

Helena:

Which area that we talked about today are you going to focus on next week? Let me know and I will always remember. We're stronger together and I will see you in the next one, teacher Bestie. Bye, thank you so much for joining me on today's episode. I hope that you were able to take away some value that will help you thrive inside and out of the classroom. It would mean the world to me if you could take five seconds right now and leave a review on this podcast. And if you found this podcast especially helpful, make sure to take a screenshot of this episode right now and tag me on your socials to let me know you're listening. As always, remember that we are stronger together. With all the love in the world, helena, aka the Present Teacher. See you next time, teacher Bestie.

People on this episode

Contributor

Helena Hains-Daubenspeck

Host