#17: Just Be Calm

Stuck in the distant future, Nazzy must appease a sad ghost king before she can pursue her own goals. Meanwhile, Mijar makes a sneak attack on her friends left in Wilzerlott.

Episode written and produced by Jennifer Lott
"Just Be Calm" song written and performed by Ivy Lott

Voice Actors:
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
JP Lott as Sir JP
Jennifer Lott as Yemilina
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia
Kenzie Stoner as Rose
Jamie Oates as Mijar
Jennifer Lott as King David

Transcript

EXT – CLIFF OVERLOOKING OCEAN

SOUND: Ocean waves

SOUND: Honking geese

SOUND: Mist People ambiance

SOUND: Computer ambiance

SOUND: Button tapping

NAZZY
Just to catch the cave people up, I am elbow deep inside the Mist People’s computer. They’ve spent a week teaching me how to use it. It’s like a glowing web of pearl-encrusted buttons clinging to this cliff, and it reveals layers of buttons underneath if you push the right surface buttons. When fallen rocks don’t make it inaccessible to them, the Mist People use it to play back ocean sounds from their continuous recordings, like this one. Decoding the ocean is one of their favourite academic pursuits. Recreationally, they use this computer to simulate virtual realities for themselves. There are even a few buttons that can do real things to solid objects. So that could help with the Box of Doom.

MIST PEOPLE

Freeze box.

NAZZY

That might prevent it from opening for a while. Since dragon fire is what ruptures it.

MIST PEOPLE

Use freezer.

NAZZY

Freezer? You have technology that old? 

MIST PEOPLE

Computer freezer.

NAZZY

You mean one of these buttons can produce…some kind of freezing energy?

MIST PEOPLE

Deep button.

SOUND: Ghost appearing

KING DAVID

I tire of watching you fiddle with that contraption, Time Meddler. All you do is sleep, eat fish, and fiddle with buttons. It’s been days since you asked me anything about the Mist People.

NAZZY

I guess I’m finding my rhythm with them. They start to make sense when one learns to think in short gusts. You can go back to ghost slumbering.

KING DAVID

I don’t want to. You can bring my daughter to me. It’s been literal ages since I’ve so much as seen her.

NAZZY

Well, I don’t know for sure if my time travelling powers have even recovered yet, but even if they—

KING DAVID

They must have healed by now! I’ve never seen anyone sleep so much and fail to make a full recovery.

NAZZY

Even if my powers are back, I should be using them to take the Box of Doom ahead. Or if it’s safe to leave it here, I should return to my time.

KING DAVID

You will find Yemilina in your present. I need to see her.

NAZZY

Have you forgotten that time that I lost her for thirty-one years?

KING DAVID

You must bring her as a child. You’ve been very precise in your jumps whenever you’ve moved her child self along the timeline. You’ve made numerous trips with her.

NAZZY

(hesitant)

That’s true…but until I stretch my time-travelling muscles, I just don’t know…

SOUND: Time Travel ending

*KING DAVID

Ah-hah! Two Time Meddlers! You are already stretching those muscles!

FUTURE NAZZY

It worked. I’m you two minutes from now.

NAZZY

Thanks a lot, future self. You had to show this right in front of him?

FUTURE NAZZY

He’s the king. We can’t be dishonest.

NAZZY

Yeah, I must have felt that way, too.

FUTURE NAZZY

I’ll go.

SOUND: Time Travel leaving

SOUND: Button tapping

NAZZY

Let me try this freezer button. It can’t be much deeper.

MIST PEOPLE

Five more.

SOUND: Five button taps

SOUND: Rattling box

SOUND: One button push

SOUND: Freezing energy

SOUND: Freezing metal

NAZZY

Huh. That’s only a quarter of the box turned icy blue. That can’t have penetrated to the inside. Better try again.

SOUND: One button push

SOUND: Computer sputter

MIST PEOPLE

One blast.

NAZZY

That’s it? Does it recharge or something?

MIST PEOPLE

Power gone.

NAZZY

Do you have any other ideas?

MIST PEOPLE

Better computer.

NAZZY

Okay. Where do you keep that?

MIST PEOPLE

Ocean thieves.

NAZZY

It was stolen?

SOUND: Ghost flying

KING DAVID

Stop ignoring me!

NAZZY

Please, Your Majesty, if you could just wait until—

KING DAVID

I have been waiting for millions of years!

NAZZY

Exactly. Millions is a big stretch for me, especially after the crash landing I had last week. It’s like asking a fairy to fly around the world right after her wings have healed.

KING DAVID

Start with a little trip to warm you up.

**NAZZY

(sigh)

I’m going two minutes into the past. Be right back.

SOUND: Time Travel leaving

SOUND: Ocean waves

SOUND: Honking geese

SOUND: Mist People ambiance

SOUND: Time Travel returning

NAZZY

Okay, so I can do it. That doesn’t mean that I should. Bringing your child here would complicate things. She’s displaced in a lot of other times, and she still has a linear life to grow into.
 

KING DAVID

A short visit will sustain me. I promise.

NAZZY

Well…
 

KING DAVID

The Box of Doom cannot be as powerful as my loneliness.

NAZZY
I have to disagree. I’ve seen how little is left when—

KING DAVID

I will sabotage your efforts to save the world! A bomb of bad spells might finally end me.

NAZZY

I don’t know if that would work, since Queen Augusta was still alive in a timeline when the extinction bomb did go off. Her invincibility is tied to you being a ghost.
 

KING DAVID

Then you must bring my daughter here! Please!

NAZZY

But once I’m gone you could just go into your ghost slumber, couldn’t you? You won’t be lonely in that state. I really should return to my present. Maybe later I could pop back in and check on you.

KING DAVID

(blubbering)

You won’t come back! You’ll leave me here. People stop caring once my ghostly wails stop attacking their consciences. You’ll forget I exist!

MIST PEOPLE

Sad king.

NAZZY

I know.
 

KING DAVID

(ghostly wails)

NAZZY

(sigh)

Alright. Hang on.

SOUND: Time travel leaving

SOUND: Ocean waves

SOUND: Honking geese

SOUND: Ghost wails

SOUND: Time travel arriving

SOUND: Footsteps

SOUND: Dress rustling

SOUND: Kitten mew

MIST PEOPLE

Cat too?

NAZZY

The princess didn’t want to leave her kitten behind.

SOUND: Kitten mew and hiss

SOUND: Agitated honking geese

NAZZY

Oh, don’t be chickens. You’re bigger than that kitten.

KING DAVID

Yemilina!

CHILD YEMILINA

(singing)

Just be calm…

Whenever you’re calm, it’ll be good.

Just be calm…just be calm…just be calm…just be calm…

Whenever there’s screaming children going like this:

Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!

Then you just gotta be calm

Calm…calm…

Just be calm…Just be calm…

SOUND: Cat hiss

SOUND: Agitated honking geese

CHILD YEMILINA

(singing)

Just be calm! Just be calm!

Just, just, just be calm…

Meow…

When the kitty’s mewing…

Mew! Mew!

Just be calm…

Just be so calm…

Just be calm…just be calm… 

KING DAVID

Oh, I love you, my angel.

CHILD YEMILINA

I love you, too, Daddy.

NAZZY

Okay, little girl Yemilina, you keep being sweet and adorable, while I save future Earth.

CHILD YEMILINA

I want to play with the geese.

NAZZY

Sure. They could use a calming song.

SOUND: Honking geese

SOUND: Ocean waves

EXT. ENCHANTED FOREST

SOUND: Vivicord

SOUND: Forest ambiance

SOUND: Clinking armor

SOUND: Horse snort

YEMILINA

(singing to self)

Just be calm…just be calm…

SOUND: Saddle movement

SOUND: Shifting garbage

YEMILINA

(singing to self)

Just be calm…just be calm…

Whenever your boyfriend’s a slob…

Just be calm…

SOUND: Saddle movement

SOUND: Shifting garbage

YEMILINA

(singing to self)

Just be calm! Just be calm!

SOUND: Clinking armor

SOUND: Shifting garbage

YEMILINA

Oh, I can’t take it anymore! Why must you cram so much garbage into your saddlebags?

SIR JP

It’s against knight etiquette to litter.

YEMILINA

But when you finish with a rusty weapon, or an old horseshoe, or a ration sack, you could dispose of it properly at any stable. You stop at one at least once a day and you never bother. It’s not that hard!

SIR JP

I was sick the day they taught saddlebag etiquette.

YEMILINA

(scoffing noise)

SIR JP

It’s true.

YEMILINA

Well, I was sick the day they taught me to put up with lazy knights, who won’t — ugh! That’s a chicken bone. How can you ride with rotting meat under your thighs?

SIR JP

It’s just the bone.

YEMILINA

There are stringy bits left.

SIR JP

It doesn’t smell.

YEMILINA

Hah! You must have chicken bones up your nose as well.

SIR JP

Your nose must be overly sensitive. All your senses are. If you can feel tiny vegetables through dozens of mattresses—

YEMILINA

I’m not that kind of princess! I feel great mounds of trash through thin leather. Fill your saddlebags with all the peas you want.

SIR JP

I’m—

YEMILINA

Only don’t, because the peas would rot and you’d never throw them out.

SIR JP

I’m trying to find a healing potion for my back.

SOUND: Saddle movement

SOUND: Shifting garbage

YEMILINA

You don’t have potions for that. You only ever buy mortal wound potions.

SIR JP

The pain might kill me. It might still work.

YEMILINA

Wait for Teloopa.

SIR JP

I don’t want her potions.

WENOBURT

I want this axe.

SOUND: Axe scrape

WENOBURT

Can I keep it?

SOUND: Bow twang

WENOBURT

Ooo, ooo, and this too? Please, can I have it? Why don’t you ever use this bow? It’s so cool!

SIR JP

That bow only works on skinny dragons. I’m saving up for a magical enhanced crossbow.

YEMILINA

You wouldn’t have to save if you’d just let me empty the Queen’s treasury.

SIR JP

I don’t want you stealing from your moth— 

YEMILINA

(sing-song tone)

La, la, la, I told you not to use that word!

SOUND: Bow twang

SOUND: Axe scrape

SIR JP

No, Wenoburt! Leave them alone.

WENOBURT

I have to practice using all your weapons, so I can kill dragons for you when you die.

SIR JP

I’m not going to die.

WENOBURT

You said your back will kill you.

YEMILINA

You did!

SIR JP

That was a separate argument. Arrh! Where is that elf when children are annoying?

WENOBURT

(fading out)

Enelcia, Enelcia, Enelcia!

SOUND: Retreating child footsteps

SOUND: Foliage rustling

SOUND: Approaching footsteps

ENELCIA

I hear Sir JP is ‘being mean’?

SIR JP

He’s playing with my weapons.

WENOBURT

Only the ones he doesn’t use.

SIR JP

I use them in rare circumstances.

SOUND: Fairy arrives

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

Teloopa is still in her meeting with the Queen. She gave me an alarm-charm to detect Mijar.

SOUND: Quiet wind chimes

SIR JP

Wind chimes?

ROSE

They make a bigger noise if Mijar gets close.

SIR JP

Or if it’s windy?

ROSE

She says we’ll be able to tell the difference.

YEMILINA

I wish she’d hurry back. It’s ridiculous that Teloopa should have to stop defending us just to report to that monstrous immortal on the throne.

SIR JP

My love—

YEMILINA

By the way, it’s not stealing. A true queen would be dead by now and her wealth inherited by me. I have every right to buy you enchanted crossbows with her outlived treasure.

SOUND: Axe scrape and thud

WENOBURT

(straining grunts)

SIR JP

Put that down!

ENELCIA

Wenoburt, sweetie, that axe is bigger than you. You’ve gotta grow into it.

WENOBURT

I’m strong like an ant.

SIR JP

Ants are all you should be concerned with. You study bugs and stay away from my dragons.

WENOBURT

It’s not fair! You gave me one sword lesson, then you stopped helping me.

SIR JP

Now that Time Meddler—

YEMILINA

(aggressive throat clearing)

SIR JP

Now that Nazzy is absent, your return to your own time will not be soon. As long as you’re stuck with us, I’m responsible for keeping you in one piece.

ENELCIA

Maybe more sword lessons would help him protect himself. It can’t hurt.

SOUND: Axe scrapes

WENOBURT

(straining grunts)

SIR JP

The axe will hurt when he drops it on his feet.

SOUND: Axe scrape

SOUND: Axe thrown into tree

WENOBURT

Awww, I can’t reach it up in that tree!

SIR JP

That’s why I put it there.

SOUND: Magic alarm wind chimes

YEMILINA

(gasp)

Mijar is upon us!

SOUND: Cape woosh

MIJAR

(evil laugh)

YEMILINA

Enelcia, where’s that baby giant with the boogers?

ENELCIA

He had to go home. His parents like to see him sometimes.

SIR JP

Crazy parents!

SOUND: Sword unsheathed

SOUND: Clinking armor

SOUND: Sword whoosh

SIR JP

We are not loyal to the Queen. We are not afraid of you either! Show yourself.

SOUND: Magic staff

SOUND: Banishment spell mixed with transformation spell

YEMILINA, ENELCIA, WENOBURT and ROSE

(shocked gasps)

SIR JP

What the—

SOUND: Sword drop

SOUND: Vanishing blast

YEMILINA, ENELCIA, WENOBURT and ROSE

(Improv: where are you, Sir JP?)

SOUND: Cape woosh

MIJAR

(evil laugh)

SOUND: Paper in magic wind

YEMILINA

Give him back, you petty peacock! If you really wanted revenge on the Queen, you’d make me vanish!

SOUND: Paper unfurling

SOUND: Footsteps

ENELCIA

There’s a note here for us.

SOUND: Paper rustling

ENELCIA

From Mijar.

YEMILINA

Is it a ransom note?

SOUND: Running footsteps

YEMILINA

(panting)

How much gold? The entire treasury? Or does he want the summer home, too? I’ll kick her out myself. Give it—

SOUND: Paper rustling

ENELCIA

Catch your breath, princess. I’ll read it. Okay?

WENOBURT

How do you know it’s for us? I don’t see my name on it.

ROSE

I don’t see my name either.

YEMILINA

(panting)

Shh! Go ahead, Enelcia.

ENELCIA

‘Dear Minions of the Royal Sorceress’ – I’m translating that as ‘friends of Teloopa.’ That’s us.

YEMILINA

What does he want?

ENELCIA

He says ‘I invite you to join the remaining citizens of Wilzerlott for my Reclassifying Ceremony tomorrow at dawn, at the castle ruins. Sir JP will have to miss the Ceremony, as he is the most valuable to me as a hostage. Do not fail the communities who rely on his dragon slaying services. I have him on a new path now, and he will never find his way back without my counter-spells.’

ROSE

Oh no!

YEMILINA

New path? What does that mean?

WENOBURT

Remaining citizens? Has Mijar already been killing people?

ENELCIA

He’s just trying to scare us.

ROSE

Why didn’t Teloopa turn him into a frog?

ENELICA

He’s too powerful. She will be lucky if she can turn him green.

YEMILINA

(singing)

Just be calm…

(speaking)

Oh, I can’t! I have to! I have to be calm. I can’t focus if I’m not calm. If I can’t focus, I can’t think. I just want to scream!

ROSE

Think about something else.

WENOBURT

Say goodbye to the cave people.

YEMILINA

(sobbing)

Sir JP never liked me talking to those future humans. He wanted me to live in the moment with him, and I ignored him so much. Oh, send that distracting vivicord away!

SOUND: Vivicord leaving

SOUND: Child running

WENOBURT

Don’t worry, fair listeners.

SOUND: Sword dragging

WENOBURT

(straining grunts)

SOUND: Sword lifting

SOUND: Sword whoosh and thud

WENOBURT

I’ve got Sir JP’s sword, so I can slay dragons and save the kingdom!

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

We are doomed. Oh no!

WENOBURT

Goodbye, cave people! Wish us luck!

SOUND: Sword whoosh and thud

SOUND: Closing theme music