Wilzerlott
#18: Long Fall the Queen
Mijar confronts his ex-employer Queen Augusta, and announces a vindictive purpose for his pack of enchanted wolves.
Written and Produced by Jennifer Lott
Voice Actors
Tegan Lott as Teloopa
Jamie Oates as Mijar
Jennifer Lott as Yemilina
Lynda Williams as Queen Augusta
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Kenzie Stoner as Rose
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
Jennifer Lott as King David
Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina
Mijar confronts his ex-employer Queen Augusta, and announces a vindictive purpose for his pack of enchanted wolves.
Written and Produced by Jennifer Lott
Voice Actors
Tegan Lott as Teloopa
Jamie Oates as Mijar
Jennifer Lott as Yemilina
Lynda Williams as Queen Augusta
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Kenzie Stoner as Rose
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
Jennifer Lott as King David
Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina
EXT. ENCHANTED FOREST
SOUND: Opening theme music
SOUND: Forest ambiance
SOUND: Teleportation arrival
SOUND: Footsteps
TELOOPA
I just tracked a banishment spell here. Who got banished?
YEMILINA
Sir JP! Mijar snuck up on us and poofed him far away! Where were you?
TELOOPA
You know where I was.
YEMILINA
Why did it take so long?
TELOOPA
It didn’t. You’re only saying that because something bad happened.
SOUND: Tracking magic
YEMILINA
What? What did that tracking spell tell you? What!
TELOOPA
I don’t know. There were other spells mixed up inside the banishment one. Mijar is deliberately tangling his spells so I can’t interpret everything about them.
SOUND: Cape woosh
MIJAR
(evil laugh)
TELOOPA
Stop that! We know you did a maniacal thing. We don’t need your laugh.
SOUND: Cape woosh
SOUND: Rustling foliage
TELOOPA
If you don’t come out right now and say something diplomatic, I’m going to turn you into a flower, pick you, and leave you to wither in a dry vase.
YEMILINA
Oh no, you can’t do that! Only he knows where Sir JP—
SOUND: Cape woosh
SOUND: Rustling foliage
MIJAR
Diplomatic? How about ‘take heart, weaklings, for I will reshape your pitiful lives to be—’
TELOOPA
Nope.
SOUND: Double magic staff taps
SOUND: Transformation spell
SOUND: Shield magic
SOUND: Rebounding magic
SOUND: Magic puffs
SOUND: Transformation spell
MIJAR
Hah! Never throw a transformation spell at an expert’s magical shield. Your spell rebounded upon you!
TELOOPA
Did not. I blocked it.
MIJAR
Not entirely.
SOUND: Fast sprouting flowers
SOUND: Flapping ears
SOUND: Double ear pops
SOUND: Fairy wings
ROSE
Ahh, your ears!
ENELCIA and YEMILINA
(gasp)
WENOBURT
Ooo, I’ve never seen flowers grow out of somebody’s ears before! Is your head going to explode?
ROSE
I’ll pick them for you before they get heavy.
SOUND: Fairy wings
SOUND: Picking flowers
SOUND: Flapping ears
SOUND: Louder fairy wings
TELOOPA
(groan)
It’s fine. Buzz off.
MIJAR
You did well. Any other witch your age would be a helpless shrub.
TELOOPA
I could have stopped it. I wanted flowers to sprout endlessly from my ears. It’s a constant supply of potion ingredients.
SOUND: Fast sprouting flowers
SOUND: Flapping ears
TELOOPA
And it doesn’t feel weird! I should have done this sooner.
MIJAR
You don’t know the counter spell, do you?
TELOOPA
I’m enjoying it I said! I’ll just cast a completely unrelated spell now. Just for fun.
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Air pressure burst
MIJAR
That wasn’t the correct counter spell. It would have worked if your ears were sprouting ferns.
TELOOPA
I don’t care.
SOUND: Fast sprouting flowers
YEMILINA
Mijar, I’ll give you the Queen. You can lock her in a sewer for eternity. Just give Sir JP back to us, please! Think of the dragon attacks. Who will chop off dragon heads to keep our death toll down?
WENOBURT
Me! Me, me! Choose me!
MIJAR
Hmm…I think that will amuse me.
SOUND: Growing spell
ENELCIA
Ahh, too tall! You’re too young to be that tall.
MIJAR
Sir Wenoburt shall slay dragons.
YEMILINA
Youcan’t knight people!
MIJAR
He has the previous slayer’s height and weapons.
YEMILINA
He hasn’t the strength or the deep, threatening voice.
WENOBURT
I can threaten dragons like a knight!
(improv)
MIJAR
You’re welcome.
YEMILINA
I want Sir JP!
SOUND: Horse whinny
SOUND: Footsteps
MIJAR
(sniff)
Ugh, his saddlebags are putrid. You can’t miss him that much.
YEMILINA
Of course I do! He was sick the day they taught saddlebag etiquette in Knight school.
MIJAR
It’s not fair to his horse.
SOUND: Fairy wings
ROSE
I’ll pick some flowers for his horse to sniff.
SOUND: Picking flowers
SOUND: Fairy wings
TELOOPA
Get off me!
SOUND: Swat
ROSE
(shriek)
TELOOPA
They smell like my ear wax. No horse wants that.
SOUND: Horse whinny
WENOBURT
Can I ride you? I can keep you company when you miss Sir JP.
SOUND: Horse snort
SOUND: Saddle movement
SOUND: Sword clatter
SOUND: Horse stomps
ENELICA
Whoa. Easy. At least give him a carrot to break the ice.
WENOBURT
Can you change your flowers into carrots, Teloopa? I’ll wash them for Sir JP’s horse.
TELOOPA
Arrh, you silly…wait. Instead of stopping this…
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Transformation spell
SOUND: Flapping ears
SOUND: Dropping coins
TELOOPA
(groans of pain)
MIJAR
Gold coins pouring from your ears is a tad painful, isn’t it?
TELOOPA
Worth it.
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Transformation spell
SOUND: Soap bubbles popping
SOUND: Fairy wings
ROSE
Bubbles!
SOUND: Saddle movement
SOUND: Sword clatter
WENOBURT
I want to pop the bubbles! Come on, horsey, giddy up! Get the bubbles!
SOUND: Horse stomps
SOUND: Horse whinny
SOUND: Soap bubbles popping
TELOOPA
Oh, great. Now I’ll have every infantile thing in the kingdom trailing me.
SOUND: Cape woosh
MIJAR
I will see you at dawn for my ceremony.
YEMILINA
What was the point of that note if you were planning to taunt us in person?
MIJAR
I was taunted. The little witch threatened me just as I was about to depart peacefully.
SOUND: Footsteps
YEMILINA
(whisper)
He called you ‘Royal Sorceress’ in his note, Teloopa. He respects you more than he pretends.
MIJAR
She cannot hear whispers with her ears bubbling like that. Speak up.
YEMILINA
It’s none of your business how I interpret you!
SOUND: Pegasus flying
YEMILINA
Oh no!
ENELCIA
The Queen’s Pegasus, right?
YEMILINA
She can only make this worse! Oh, go away!
SOUND: Pegasus landing
SOUND: Saddle movement
QUEEN AUGUSTA
There you are! You must have had trouble finding me after the castle was destroyed. You’ve been replaced, I’m afraid. You really should have tried harder to—
MIJAR
How typical of your Royal Smugness to assume I’ve been looking for you. Were it not for your irritating invincibility, you would have become dust on the wind the day I quit.
YEMILINA
I still like my sewer idea the best. It’s superior suffering even if death were an option.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Now just a minute. You can’t turn my daughter against me. As my loyal subject—
MIJAR
I am no such thing!
YEMILINA
And he had nothing to do with me turning against you. You did that to yourself.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
We are blood kin, Yemilina! You cannot erase me from your life.
YEMILINA
Watch me!
QUEEN AUGUSTA
I was hoping I wouldn’t have to use this, but you leave me no choice.
SOUND: Magic flag waving
MIJAR
(amused laughing)
QUEEN AUGUSTA
(hopeful)
Yemilina, Darling…?
YEMILINA
Don’t show me that wretched flag like it means something! You’re a cosmic mistake!
QUEEN AUGUSTA
(gasp)
How…?
MIJAR
Your daughter was not in Wilzerlott when I enchanted that flag. There is no ‘Devotion to the Crown’ magic in her system for the flag to refresh.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Refresh? She’s here now and I just waved it. It should be working.
MIJAR
If won’t affect anyone who has lived ten years beyond the day I enchanted it. The magic I planted in people expired, and the flag can’t refresh expired seeds.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Expired? How could that be? It made a magic sound when I waved it.
MIJAR
Yes, that sound gave you a silly grin, didn’t it! False satisfaction. So proud, so useless…
TELOOPA
Why did you give ‘Devotion to the Crown’ magic an expiry date?
MIJAR
Even in my naïve youth, I knew power should be temporary.
TELOOPA
You’ll be relieved when we defeat you, then.
MIJAR
I am the exception.
SOUND: Horse trotting
SOUND: Saddle movement
SOUND: Footsteps
WENOBURT
Your Majesty! As your new dragon slayer, I humbly offer my life. May I wave that flag for you?
SOUND: Residual flag magic
ENELCIA
Whoa, why is he being devoted?
MIJAR
Odd. A child that young can’t have been around when I planted devotion seeds.
ENELCIA
He’s from the past.
MIJAR
Ah, that explains it. The first flag wave is still in his system.
ENELCIA
And now it’s been…refreshed?
WENOBURT
Let me lift your trailing robe, Your Majesty. I’ll carry it everywhere you go.
SOUND: Robe shifting
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Let me be, you strange nuisance. Oh! What an absurdly child-like man you are.
ENELCIA
No, he’s an absurdly tall child.
WENOBURT
Wenoburt at your service.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Who?
YEMILINA
You already know him! What is wrong with you?
MIJAR
So many things.
WENOBURT
Please let me feed your Pegasus, Your Majesty!
SOUND: Fairy wings
ROSE
You’re supposed to be comforting Sir JP’s horse. The Pegasus doesn’t need you.
SOUND: Louder fairy wings
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Shoo, fairy! You’re flying too close.
WENOBURT
I will swat that fairy for you, Your Majesty! Hi-ya!
SOUND: Sword whooshes
ROSE
Ahh!
SOUND: Departing fairy
TELOOPA
Okay, so you’ve waved a magic flag and your daughter still hates you. Time to be on your way, don’t you think, Your Majes—?
MIJAR
No! Sarcastic titles only. We are rebelling!
TELOOPA
We? I thought I was on your list.
MIJAR
I’m giving you a second chance.
TELOOPA
Well, I’m not picking sides.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
You most certainly are, Sorceress! You’re on my side. You rely on me for your gold.
MIJAR
She can produce that through her ear canals. She just did so.
SOUND: Jingling coins
TELOOPA
Conjured or transformed wealth only lasts twenty-four hours. After I piss off my least favourite vendors, I’ll need real gold again.
MIJAR
She doesn’t know that. Teach the Queen nothing about magic. It will go to her bloated head.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Mijar—
MIJAR
You know my name, hah! Who taught you? Another servant’s child your daughter befriended?
QUEEN AUGUSTA
I’ve always known your name. It was inappropriate to address you by it.
ENELCIA
That tracks. She was very uncomfortable when my name wasn’t ‘Gardener.’
WENOBURT
I will be your gardener, Your Majesty. Show me the weeds.
SOUND: Footsteps on sticks and leaves
WENOBURT
I will slay them all! Hi-ya!
SOUND: Sword whacking shrubbery
ENELCIA
Whoa, easy! Wow. I think you’ve got like ten new servants in one here.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
I don’t want his devotion. He’s doing it wrong!
SOUND: Sword drag and swipe
WENOBURT
Glory to the Queen!
MIJAR
Obscurity to the Queen! Long may she fall into poverty and obscurity!
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Attack him, Sorceress!
TELOOPA
I already tried. I need to work the kinks out of that rebounding shield of his. Give me an hour.
MIJAR
You will require a lifetime.
SOUND: Distant wolf howls
MIJAR
Princess, I feel the need to inform you that you are about to be in grave danger.
YEMILINA
What? Why?
MIJAR
I have been transforming convicted frogs into wolves all over Wilzerlott. I’m afraid I’ve burdened my wolf pack with the singular mission of tearing you to pieces.
QUEEN AUGUSTA
(shocked gasp)
YEMILINA
That’s not fair!
MIJAR
You’re welcome to start running if you like. Enjoy your hammering heartbeat for as long as you can.
YEMILINA
But I’m on your side! Poverty and obscurity to the Queen! Long fall the Queen!
MIJAR
Appreciated. However, the Queen is best punished through those she cares for. With that list of people being so very, very short…I can’t pick and choose.
SOUND: Running wolves
SOUND: Growling wolves
QUEEN AUGUSTA, TELOOPA, ENELCIA and WENOBURT
(gasps)
YEMILINA
(screaming)
SOUND: Running
QUEEN AUGUSTA
Yemilina! No! Get behind me, Darling! Come here!
SOUND: Overlapping running
SOUND: Bubbles
SOUND: Teleportation
TELOOPA
Princess, grab my hand!
YEMILINA
(screaming)
SOUND: Growling wolves
SOUND: Overlapping running
SOUND: Bubbles
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Teleportation departure and arrival
TELOOPA
Stop running and grab my hand! I can’t teleport you if you won’t—
YEMILINA
(screaming)
TELOOPA
Arrrh, fly away then!
SOUND: Magic staff
SOUND: Transformation spell
YEMILINA
(gasp of pain)
SOUND: Cooing dove
SOUND: Snapping wolves
SOUND: Flapping dove
SOUND: Teleportation arrival
MIJAR
She can’t fly forever. They will catch her in one snap when she alights.
TELOOPA
Going to shrink all the trees, are you? Or can those wolves climb?
SOUND: Approaching footsteps
ENELCIA
(panting)
What did I miss?
TELOOPA
I turned the princess into a dove. Mijar is pretending that won’t keep her above the brainwashed jaws of death.
SOUND: Pegasus flying
ENELCIA
(calling out)
We don’t need your Pegasus! Your daughter’s a bird now!
QUEEN AUGUSTA
(distant)
My poor baby!
MIJAR
The princess will not escape indefinitely. I made sure of that.
TELOOPA
Sure, you got her boyfriend out of the way. Half prepared. What about her rare and powerful best friend?
MIJAR
The time traveller is missing – presumed dead.
TELOOPA
She’ll be back.
ENELCIA
But you said Nazzy probably got herself kill—
TELOOPA
(whisper)
Shh, I was an optimist. Go with it.
MIJAR
Being a time traveler, surviving with her powers intact can only mean she would be here by now. Her absence proves she won’t come back.
TELOOPA
Someday we’ll have a recording to prove you wrong.
EXT – ROWBOAT ON THE OCEAN
SOUND: Ocean waves
SOUND: Paddles dipping
SOUND: Water lapping
NAZZY
Okay, fair listeners. I don’t know for sure if you can hear this, but since there is a powerful computer somewhere nearby and the Mist People had it recording before ‘ocean thieves’ took it…well, maybe you can hear me. All you need to know is that we are rowing out to find the place where the computer sank so we can retrieve it with high-tech pearl nets.
SOUND: Mist People Ambiance
MIST PEOPLE
Child home.
NAZZY
Yes, I should take her home. Say goodbye for now, Little Yemmy.
CHILD YEMILINA
Daddy, I want to stay.
SOUND: Ghost flying
KING DAVID
Sweetheart, what if the computer should be too heavy and overturn the boat? It is such a small boat. You’re safer at home with my living self, away from this vast ocean of chaos.
NAZZY
Come along, I’ll take you back.
CHILD YEMILINA
(crying)
No, let me stay. Please let me stay. I don’t want to miss everything!
KING DAVID
Oh no! My angel mustn’t cry.
CHILD YEMILINA
Make her let me stay, daddy.
KING DAVID
She can stay.
NAZZY
Don’t you think you should decide what’s safest for her, Your Majesty? Don’t let her decide just because she’s sad. She’s only six.
KING DAVID
Her desires rule my heart. I can’t disappoint her. You must find a little island for her, where she can watch.
NAZZY
Well…
SOUND: Rowing
NAZZY
Alright, there’s this island here. Just while I’m getting the computer. Come, Yemmy, up on the shore you go.
SOUND: Boat rocking
SOUND: Footsteps on sand
SOUND: Mist people ambiance
MIST PEOPLE
Child higher.
NAZZY
You said that when we got in the boat. Why does she have to be—
MIST PEOPLE
Climb rocks.
CHILD YEMILINA
Okay, cloud faces. I can climb high.
SOUND: Shifting rocks
SOUND: Climbing feet
MIST PEOPLE
Good girl.
SOUND: Mist people ambiance
NAZZY
I’ll try lowering this net. It will automatically attach to the computer when it comes within range, right?
SOUND: Mist people ambiance
MIST PEOPLE
Quiet please.
NAZZY
I think I can manage quiet now that the geese have stopped following us.
MIST PEOPLE
Scared geese.
NAZZY
Why were they scared?
MIST PEOPLE
Mean fish.
NAZZY
Right, you like geese better. I still don’t get that.
SOUND: Pearl net lowering
SOUND: Lapping water
SOUND: Magnetic click
SOUND: Computer ambiance
SOUND: Object shifting underwater
NAZZY
I think I’ve got it. Doesn’t feel too heavy.
SOUND: Pearl net rising
SOUND: Object shifting underwater
SOUND: Monster body slam on water
SOUND: Crashing waves
SOUND: Roaring and gurgling
SOUND: Monster fish chomps
CHILD YEMILINA
(scream)
SOUND: Ghost flying
KING DAVID
Stay up there, angel! Don’t you move!
NAZZY
(scared)
What is that thing?
SOUND: Mist people ambiance
MIST PEOPLE
Mean fish.
NAZZY
Well, that’s putting it mildly. I pictured piranhas when you said that.
SOUND: Crashing waves
SOUND: Monster fish chomps
SOUND: Mist people ambiance
MIST PEOPLE
Big fish.
NAZZY
But you can’t say three words at once, so I’m going to make a lot of wrong guesses.
SOUND: Crashing waves
SOUND: Monster fish chomps
NAZZY
Uh, goodbye fair listeners! Wish—
SOUND: Crashing waves
SOUND: Monster fish chomps
NAZZY
Wish me survival!
SOUND: Monster fish chomp
SOUND: Closing theme music