#25: Frog Baby Intervention

Enelcia's friends confront her about her elf baby who has been a frog too long. Meanwhile, a badly brewed potion could prove disastrous.

Written and produced by Jennifer Lott

Voice Actors:
Nicole Stoner as Enelcia
Shannon Rea as Nazzy
Tegan Lott as Teloopa
Owen Lott as Wenoburt
Kenzie Stoner as Rose
Ivy Lott as Child Yemilina
Tory Lott as Toddler Giant

Transcript

SOUND: Opening theme music

EXT ELVIN GROVE

SOUND: Forest ambiance

SOUND: Lake ambiance

SOUND: Fairy wings

SOUND: Overlapping footsteps

SOUND: Frog croaks

SOUND: Bubbling potion

ENELCIA

Hey, guys. Gee, that’s a lot of you at once. Are we having a party?

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

We need to talk.

ENELCIA

Okay. Well, pull up a toadstool. We’re just watching some brewers make their dermavig.

SOUND: Frog croak

SOUND: Muttering voices

SOUND: Bubbling potion

SOUND: Stirring

ENELCIA

My baby loves to see the big, gloppy bubbles…don’t you? Yes, you do.

CHILD YEMILINA

That’s not supposed to be a frog. Turn it into an elf right this second!

ENELCIA

(gasp)

SOUND: Frog croak

NAZZY

We were going to work up to that a bit more gradually, Little Yemmy.

CHILD YEMILINA

Oh.

TELOOPA

But since we’re there already: what’s with the childhood suppression? You know it’s messed up, right? It’s like you’d rather have a pet than a kid.

ENELCIA

Teloopa, how could you! You were the one who said you wouldn’t judge me for this!

TELOOPA

This isn’t judging. I’m just really bored without my magic. Making you squirm is more fun than knitting.

SOUND: Giant footsteps approaching

TODDLER GIANT

Frog baby will get squashed! Make her elf.

CHILD YEMILINA

I want to play pat-a-cake with your baby, but she doesn’t have hands and she can’t sing.

WENOBURT

You should really think about what your kid would want. I wouldn’t want to be a frog. 

ENELCIA

Oh, I see what you’re doing, Nazzy. You’ve got me surrounded by children! Big, growing children with opposable thumbs. Real subtle.

NAZZY

It’s true your baby won’t grow much bigger than that if she stays a frog.

CHILD YEMILINA

Your baby will be sad if she doesn’t get to grow.

ENELCIA

You’ll never grow with Nazzy snatching you out of the timeline for every little thing! What’s the matter with the present day Yemilina, huh? Can’t resist showing off?

NAZZY

Child Yemilina is better equipped to be helpful.

CHILD YEMILINA

I brought a toy cow for your baby. It’s soft and cuddly. It has a little bell. See?

SOUND: Stuffie squishing

SOUND: Cow bell jingling

ENELCIA

Awww…that’s so sweet.

CHILD YEMILINA

She needs bigger arms to hug it.

SOUND: Frog croak

SOUND: Stuffie squishing

SOUND: Cow bell

ENELCIA

I’ll save it for her. It’ll get wrecked in the pond. She might like it when she’s older. Or she might be too old by then. Maybe you could bring her a musical instrument?

TELOOPA

Do you have a date set? You waiting until she’s a teenage daughter before she gets her pointy ears back?

ENELCIA

It’s just potty training! I’m almost done.

CHILD YEMILINA

I don’t think she can learn how to use an elf potty in the frog pond.

ENELCIA

Shush, tiny princess! I’m only talking to grownup you from now on.

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

Let her help you. She cares about your baby.

NAZZY

And she’s here to talk to you whether you respond to her or not.

ENELCIA

So she’s just going to live in our time now, like Wenoburt? His poor parents must think he was eaten—

TELOOPA

Oh, please. You never gave Wenoburt’s parents a thought until now.

NAZZY

You’re not going to distract us.

CHILD YEMILINA

Mommy and Daddy won’t miss me, because Nazzy will put me right back when I left off.

WENOBURT

Not me. I was in my garden, and I was counting legs on the beetles that were eating our vegetables. Mommy wanted to slay the beetles and rescue our vegetables, but I couldn’t do it, because I love bugs and I hate vegetables. When Nazzy puts me back, she’s going to put me back early, so I can warn the beetles before Mommy sends me out to the garden.

CHILD YEMILINA

(gasp) 

Can you talk to bugs?

NAZZY

You’ve distracted us just a little. Wenoburt, Yemmy – the frog baby?

WENOBURT

She’s going to have childhood trauma!

ENELCIA

No, she won’t! She’s always happy! This is her happy croak. Just listen!

SOUND: Frog croak

CHILD YEMILINA

Her croaks all sound the same. How can you tell when they are happy and when they are sad?

ENELCIA

A mother can tell.

CHILD YEMILINA

Are you worried she won’t be happy as an elf?

ENELCIA

Yes, that’s it. Why risk it?

TELOOPA

Oh, forever then? So much for your potty training logic.

ENELCIA

The kids are confusing me!

WENOBURT

You must be unhappy as an elf, too. Should we make you a frog?

ENELCIA

No! I’m fine. I can’t help that my kid wants to be a frog. It’s her choice.

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

She’s too young to make that choice.

NAZZY

I agree. She needs to experience her original form long enough to make an informed decision.

ENELCIA

What if it’s been too long? Hmm? She’s used to being a frog. What if her bony fingers and toes freak her out? Her own voice might scare her. Hmm? Hm?

WENOBURT

Maybe you could erase her memory of being a frog, like what the Mist People did for Nazzy and Little Yemmy.

NAZZY

What?

WENOBURT

You know, when there were two Nazzys and one had memories about taking little Yemmy to kiss all the new babies she missed for thirty years, so the Mist People erased those memories, and they said ‘no tell’ and ‘brains explode’—

NAZZY

Wenoburt!

TELOOPA

‘No tell’? ‘Brains explode’? Sounds like these Mist People erased their memories for their own protection.

WENOBURT

Oh no! What have I done?

CHILD YEMILINA

Did you tell a bad secret?

NAZZY

Just forget it, Yemmy. It’ll be okay.

WENOBURT

Don’t explode! Don’t do it. Brains, you have to stop thinking!

TELOOPA

Then you have to stop talking.

WENOBURT

I didn’t mean to make anybody think.

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

I think the frog baby will get bored. Her brain is smarter than a frog’s.

WENOBURT

Don’t explode, baby brain!

ENELCIA

She’s perfectly healthy! Transformed people keep their smart brains all the time.

NAZZY

Of course, we’re not worried about her brain. The first boyfriend Teloopa turned into a frog has been a frog for nine years and he’s healthy.

TELOOPA

Excuse me? How did you know my first was nine years ago? I never told you that.

NAZZY

Uh…

TELOOPA

You brazen spy!

NAZZY

I didn’t do it to spread rumors here. It was just for the cave people of the future. They really wanted to know about your frog boyfriends.

TELOOPA

Oh, and how did you present those stories to them? Am I famous? Eccentric? Overly sensitive? Overreacting to men who deserve to be frogs? Maybe I should take over this documentary about me and make sure you’re doing it right.

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

I thought this was a documentary about Sir JP.

NAZZY

Uh, anyone in Wilzerlott. We’re going with the flow.

TELOOPA

Speaking of flow…your brewers over there are putting too much hex-freeze lava in that potion. It’s not going to go well.

SOUND: Muttering voices

SOUND: Bubbling potion

SOUND: Stirring

ENELCIA

Don’t you dare insult their potion-making! You’re just jealous you can’t be the one to zap it into action when they’re done.

TELOOPA

That zapping will go badly, too. That elf looks like he’d be a low note on a majmeter. His staff is practically a twig.

ENELCIA

Are you calling elves weak magic-users? Really?

TODDLER GIANT

Elf magic strong! No witch! Bad witch!

TELOOPA

Relax, I mean that elf. Someone should go get a stronger magic-wielder before that guy tries. A stronger elf.

SOUND: Muttering voices

ENELCIA

You can’t tell how strong someone’s magic is just by looking at them! You’re making that up!

TELOOPA

Whatever. Believe what you want.

ENELCIA

I will in fact! And I believe I want all of you to go away. I don’t like the way you’re looking at me. Especially you, Bug Boy. Stop that!

WENOBURT

This is my intervention face. Teloopa said stare at you until you feel guilty.

TELOOPA

How about a silent intervention face, Wenoburt? Did I forget that detail?

ENELCIA

I feel nothing. It’s not working. Go away.

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

Your frog baby must make you sad, sometimes. She can’t say ‘mama.’

CHILD YEMILINA

And you’re missing your cuddles.

ENELCIA

Am not! See?

SOUND: Frog croak

ENELCIA

I hold her to my cheek just like this and we cuddle just fine.

SOUND: Frog croak

TODDLER GIANT

That is a slimy cuddle.

SOUND: Frog croak

NAZZY

Look, we all understand how this started, Enelcia. It was an act of love. You wanted to protect your daughter.

TELOOPA

Yeah, but now it’s an act of laziness, so toughen up and change some diapers.

ENELCIA

As if you’ve ever changed a diaper in your entire life!

TELOOPA

Oh, I planned carefully around that. I didn’t fall for a troll-chasing cheater and let him put a baby in me.

ENELCIA

I wish Mijar had turned you into a flower! It’s the only way a whiff of anything nice could possibly come out of you!

TELOOPA

Pity he didn’t turn your daughter back into a carrot. Then she’d be even easier for you.

SOUND: Violent scuffle

ENELCIA and TELOOPA

(scuffling grunts)

NAZZY

No pushing! Let’s give each other some space.

ENELCIA

(whimpering)

Do all of you think I’m a bad mother?

NAZZY, ROSE and TODDLER GIANT

No!

TELOOPA, WENOBURT and CHILD YEMILINA

Yes!

SOUND: Forest ambiance

SOUND: Frog croak

TELOOPA

Okay, so half of us are lying to you. What’s your guess? Who are your real friends here?

ENELCIA

Not you!

CHILD YEMILINA

I am your baby’s friend.

ENELCIA

(getting weepy)

That’s really nice of you, kid. Stop being adorable, okay? It’s distracting.

CHILD YEMILINA

Your baby loves you so much, even though she’s a frog. But she needs some friends, too.

ENELCIA

(sniffling)

She’s got lots of friends. I don’t know their names, but they make really friendly sounds and they hop really high when she visits them…

(crying)

SOUND: Frog croak

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

It’s okay to cry. You know you made a mistake and that feels bad. But you’ll feel better after you cry for a little while.

ENELCIA

I’m not crying.

SOUND: Footsteps

ENELCIA

I’m going over here to help the brewers.

SOUND: Bubbling potion

SOUND: Concerned murmurs

ENELCIA

Keep stirring! I’m fine!

SOUND: Stirring

TELOOPA

Stop stirring. That potion is not fine.

SOUND: Murmurs

SOUND: Picking leaves

SOUND: Slapping leaves

TODDLER GIANT

Witch, why are you putting big leaves on your arms?

NAZZY

Teloopa…why…?

TELOOPA

I’ve got short sleeves. I need skin coverage.

WENOBURT

Why?

TELOOPA

Don’t you remember what dermavig does? Enelcia built up a tolerance, but the rest of us…

SOUND: Bubbling potion

NAZZY

We were fine, too. The dermavig only affected Sir JP last time.

TELOOPA

That was a nice, competent batch of dermavig, wasn’t it? Don’t you wish that this was being made correctly?

ENELCIA

Stop pretending to be a potion detective. You are so overcompensating for your lost power.

SOUND: Murmurs

SOUND: Stirring

SOUND: Footsteps

TELOOPA

And here comes the shoddy spell work. I need more leaves.

SOUND: Picking leaves

SOUND: Slapping leaves

NAZZY

Maybe we better wrap this up. Enelcia—

ENELCIA

Don’t say another word, Time Meddler!

NAZZY

You’ve never called me that before. It may not feel like it, but we’re doing this for you.

ENELCIA

You’re doing this because you think you’re better than me! You’re just as screwed up, but you rewind your messes and redo everything!

NAZZY

I’ve left plenty of mistakes in the timeline.

ENELCIA

Yeah right! Why don’t you just snatch my baby before she ever became a frog, huh? Take your other time-knapped kids with her – they can raise her in some paradise in the future! Why not, Nazzy? Rip us and patch us. Stick people wherever the hell you want. Just fix everything like you always think you can do!

NAZZY

I think we should do this one the slow way. I don’t want to damage your relationship with your child.

ENELCIA

You’re doing that right now! If you really cared, you’d shut up and leave us alone!

SOUND: Magic zap

SOUND: Overflowing potion

SOUND: Thick liquid splashes

SOUND: Murmurs of disgust

ALL

(overlapping sounds of disgust)

SOUND: Thick liquid dripping

SOUND: Vivicord

TELOOPA

It’s been fun, guys. I’m gonna go change my clothes while you all freak out about twigs snapping.

SOUND: Retreating footsteps

SOUND: Lightly rustling foliage

NAZZY

(gasp)

What was that? There’s something moving in the bushes.

SOUND: Retreating footsteps

TELOOPA

(fading out)

Ooo, must be a giant spider!

SOUND: Vivicord yelp

NAZZY, WENOBURT, ROSE, CHILD YEMILINA AND TODDLER GIANT

(improv: tense about where the spider is; eager to attack it)

SOUND: Sword unsheathed

WENOBURT

Show yourself, spider! Come and fight me!

SOUND: Shuffling feet

SOUND: Sword swipes

TODDLER GIANT

Where spider? I squish it!

SOUND: Giant footsteps

ENELCIA

Whoa, whoa, she’s teasing. There’s no spider. Stand still.

SOUND: Frog croak

SOUND: Giant footsteps

ENELCIA

Watch out for my baby!

TODDLER GIANT

My evil twin will squish your baby! Me will stop him!

NAZZY, WENOBURT, ROSE and CHILD YEMILINA

(improv: tense about where Toddler Giant’s evil twin is; eager to attack it)

SOUND: Shuffling feet

SOUND: Sword swipes

TODDLER GIANT

There he is!

NAZZY

Where? Show me where! I’ll time-jump him away.

TODDLER GIANT

Him is looking at me!

SOUND: Giant footsteps

SOUND: Splash

TODDLER GIANT

My evil twin is water.

ENELCIA

That’s the lake, sweetie. Please don’t punch our mermaid guests.

TODDLER GIANT

My evil twin will hurt mermaids. Me stop him!

SOUND: Water slaps

ENELCIA

It’s your reflection.

NAZZY

How many evil twins? Where are they? Round them up, come on! I have to get them all at once.

SOUND: Lightly rustling foliage

SOUND: Shuffling feet

SOUND: Twigs snapping

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

Ahhh! There’s still something in the bushes!

WENOBURT

The giant spider must be invisible!

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Shuffling feet

WENOBURT

Why is my sword not hitting anything?

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Frog croak

ENELCIA

(sigh)

I’m sorry you had to see this, my sweet baby frog. They were mean and now they’re paranoid. They’ve had better days…but maybe frog friends are all for the best. What do you think?

SOUND: Frog croak

ENELCIA

Exactly.

SOUND: Muttering voices

SOUND: Dragging cauldron

SOUND: Retreating footsteps

ENELCIA

At least the brewers have a tolerance for dermavig. They’re headed home to clean up.

SOUND: Vivicord yelp

ENELCIA

Nazzy? The vivicord is looking twitchy, too. You should say goodbye to the cave people before it runs off.

SOUND: Sword swipes

NAZZY, WENOBURT, ROSE, CHILD YEMILINA AND TODDLER GIANT

(improv: tense about everything around them)

ENELCIA

Fine, I’ll do it. Bye, cave people of the future. Thanks for listening. If we are not baked in dragon’s breath—

NAZZY

Dragon? Where?

SOUND: Fairy wings

ROSE

Where’s the fire?

ENELCIA

(throat clear)

If we are not steamed by dragons—

WENOBURT

Where are the dragons? Let me at them!

SOUND: Sword swipes

NAZZY

I can’t see them!

ENELCIA

It’s just what you always say! Stop checking the sky!

WENOBURT and CHILD YEMILINA

(improv: searching for dragon)

SOUND: Dragon flying

SOUND: Soft dragon roar

SOUND: Shuffling footsteps

NAZZY, WENOBURT, ROSE, CHILD YEMILINA AND TODDLER GIANT

(improv: readying defenses against the dragon)

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Stick whooshes

ENELCIA

(groan)

That one is Sir JP. He’s a good dragon!

SOUND: Dragon flying

SOUND: Dragon groan

SOUND: Shuffling feet

SOUND: Sword swipes

SOUND: Stick whooshes

NAZZY, WENOBURT, ROSE, CHILD YEMILINA AND TODDLER GIANT

(gasping and panting)

ENELCIA

Okay, cave people: if they don’t die of heart attacks, you shall soon hear more. Wish them luck!

SOUND: Closing theme music