Wendy Byard - The Almost Perfect Podcast For Living Life With Passion & Sparkle

Wax, Whips & My Hairy Bits

• Season 1 • Episode 10

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Hi, my name's Wendy, and I'm in charge of passion and sparkle at ALMOST PERFECT, where I inspire women over 45 reclaim their identity.  No more people pleasing, overeating and not feeling good enough;  and bring back their sexy side. No diets, no shame, no judgement.

This week I'm joined by my special guest Stephanie Oram, the best selling author of some rather steamy novels.

You may have hear her talking to Vanessa on This Morning, or if you enjoy reading,  you may have noticed her in the bestselling books list. She describes herself as a menopausal northerner who created a laugh out loud, mucky comedy about dating. ...now that's got your attention! 


If you'd like to connect with Stephanie you can visit:
Her Instagram account  | Her Book on Amazon 

And if you'd like to know a little more about me and my journey of body shame and not being enough click here, visit www.almostperfect.me/about

Or....

Connect with me on:
Facebook | Instagram | LinkedIn | Twitter | Pintrest

Hi, and welcome to the almost perfect podcast. I'm Wendy and I am almost perfect, but not quite. If you are a woman who is inundated with the things you need to do and the people you need to do those things for, if you're. Or if you think you started to lose your identity, didn't recognize yourself anymore.

Then you're in the right place. You are beautiful, you are amazing. And you are, I'm going to help you see that in true Italian style. Come on in and let's have a chat. So welcome. Welcome. Welcome another special guest day today on the almost perfect podcast today is going to be really different. I have a lady with me who you're going to love her.

I know that there are lots of my friends and lots of people who actually regularly certainty the podcast who who will absolutely adore Stephanie. They're going to, she's going to be right up your street.

Okay. So I'm going to tell you that Stephanie is from the UK and she started doing something in lockdown. I think it was you'll. You'll tell us in a minute which is a little different, so welcome, Stephanie. Hello, thank you for having me. That's my pleasure. And everybody's pleasure. I'm sure when they find out that you are the author of three books, but one in particular that that has got everybody's interest is a book called wax whips.

And my Hairy Bits. That's the wall. So now all these people are rolling about on the floor laughing. Yeah. Wow. You better start. And tell us a little bit about yourself and what made you decide to start writing. Okay, so I'm 50 wrong moment. Three peri-menopausal. And I live in the north of England at the beginning of the first lockdown.

I was in the process of setting up recruitment agency that would help over fifties, get back into the workplace. Oh, brilliant. And then cool top down happened into it. Everything stopped and had all this lockdown, anxiety and menopause from uni, one stuff, some homeschooling. Honestly, I've got to do something here to make myself laugh.

He's trying to alleviate some of this anxiety. And then coincidentally, I read a couple of lines From 50 shades of gray, only a couple, just, I think on Facebook you went to the film and they just kind of peach something inside me. And I just thought, no women aren't like this. We snuggled tight red heels, frizzy hair, if there's even the time moisture.

So they have this choice one day I was eating that bread book. So naturally Steve we store is how did you get, so how did you get the, I mean, I was, you say you, you had a couple of, you read a couple of lines from. 50 shades of gray. I'm pretending I don't know what that is. So, but, but I'm just intrigued as to how you go from the.

Doing a recruitment agency to writing a book like this. How, how do you do it from, I, I, I don't know if I'm, I like to ask if you're doing it from personal experience. Yes, no, definitely not. What I did was I just thought about scenarios in films and books, like 50 shades of gray. You know, where you have this submissive woman and she's falling over the handsome man.

You know, perfect and attractive and marvelous. And I just thought, well, what if you took these scenarios and you turn them on the head and you made them more realistic and actually really, really disastrous real life. Yes. So it was just taking certain scenarios, you know, a synonymous with those kinds of books and films, and actually making them for.

Sounds. It sounds like my life. Well, no, it doesn't, but parts of it might sound like my life, but the other side, maybe not, perhaps I shouldn't have said that. How what's your, what do your sons, I mean, have your sons, you said you've got a couple of friends they want at uni, what do they have? They read them?

What do they think? Gosh, absolutely not kind of simultaneously. Really, really proud. Yeah. I'm really, really mortified. I mean, my eldest son said to me, mother, you know, should you don't be playing fucking drinking? Oh,

no, no, exactly. So. You've got this book, but you had, did you do to others as well? Or was it, is this full book series you can read as can either find them individually or they can buy them as one book, you know? So it's from his own story from start to finish. And then I recently published a book.

Quotes from the metaphors. Now that might be interesting as well, because I know a lot of the, the women that actually listened to this podcast are in that where we're all in our sort of late forties to well upwards. And I think a lot of people are suffering from forgetful like me. I forget I'm on, I'm on, I'm on track.

And then all of a sudden I'm away. So, so that sort of thing, I mean, that sounds, that sounds brilliant too. So where did you get that? But those again, from personal experience or where they from, I just spoke to about 200 women. Oh gosh. And I ask them for their funniest quotes on the menopause because I wanted, I, you know, I want to make women laugh.

I think laughter is, is really good. Is he, you know, it, it's helping with anxiety. I think laughter is great. And the overwhelming view of the women that took part was they wanted to show what the women that they they're not alone. You know, so we're going to read out the lady. Drop tests at school and he forgot his lunch in the car.

So she ran after it and the crowd who played around and shouted Dougal, Dougal, but Dougal was the dog's name.

We've all done, but then we see somebody else is doing it. You think actually that is very, that's very true. And, and I think. When you actually, when women come together and, and, and start talking about stupid things that happen, I mean, like you say, fun, having fun and making a joke out of it and supporting each other through it, because it isn't the best thing in the world to go through with it, but when you can make light of it and that does make it a lot easier.

And, and, and so that stories from other women at that sounds fantastic. Yeah, it's it's, it's kind of a coming together of women to make women feel better. How did you find to, I mean, are they people that, you know, or did you find them in groups? So requests out all over Facebook.

Women were only too happy to, to speak to me and give me that quiet. You know, they all hilarious on the quiet, outrageous, actually. So we're going to all now head to Amazon and see if, see if we can get a copy of your book. I actually picked a. There are reviews on Amazon, but I also went on to good reads.

And just in case anyone is sort of I'll mind, I'll make sure I don't read ones with terrible language in, but someone has put here a lady called Donna and I always have a friend called Donna. So, and, and probably she would love this is she they've put, what can I say? This is one of the funniest books I've ever read from the first page to the last it had be in fits of giggles, sitting on my own in the house.

My neighbors probably think I've lost the plot. I laughed so loud. And who knew it would be so relatable if you have ever been on a dating site, you know, it's no exaggeration. I literally ran home from work to finish it and then it ended. So there's, I mean, there's a lot of them like that. So you obviously have hit the nail on the head with a lot of women there.

Yeah. I think eat people, you know, cause there's some terrible reviews as well. I say, I think we're many that they will peak leave the love it, or they hate it. But the majority of women seem to actually absolutely love it. And they relate to. Men not Sumo. Right? Well, we better find out why that is actually a good now you've made that comment.

That is probably a question I'm going to ask you, how do you cope? Cause I mean, yeah, it's great to have see the great comments, but how do you cope with the not so great comments? Because I know that a lot of people like everybody to like everything they do. I know I fall into that habit. Of wanting people to like what I do.

So how do you, how do you get over the, the net? Not so great or the negative comments? I think, I just think, well, it's horses for courses, isn't it. You're not going to be everybody's cup of tea. You've just got to build up a resilience. I mean, sometimes it does sting and it does hurt. But so some of the negative reviews I've got a neck, I got a one star review because I've written sequel.

I can't do anything about that. A one star review because I read it. Didn't like the swearing in the book. Right. The book isn't pretending to be anything. It's not, it's called wax whips. My hairy bits. It's not serious. It's not a great literary tone. It is not going to win the book prize. Well, it is making women, blah.

Yeah. You know, and I'm, I'm quite happy to do that. Brilliant. I mean, recently, a couple of weeks ago, I did, I'm a former. So then with this morning and it resonate, really resonated the story with the handbook really resonated and it went up to number two in the whole of app, the whole of Amazon, all the millions of books on Amazon and mine was number two.

I was sandwiched between the Harry bikers and Richard Osman. Wow. You know, and I, I am literally, I am just, I am a nobody, I'm just a Northern woman with a propensity for using rude words. You must be so proud because I know I would be if I've done that, I would, that's just brilliant to be like, as you say, all the books on Amazon and, and there are an awful lot out there aren't there because it was 9 million.

That's absolutely brilliant. Really read that. Well done. I mean, you must be really must be over the moon. I am. I'm like I said, I am, I am just ordinary. I don't have any contacts. I'm not a celebrity. I haven't got compared with tits. Hadn't been on love island. I'm just an ordinary 51 year old menopausal woman.

I want to sort of shout out in a really loud it's all I can do it. And won't on her faith and have confidence. It doesn't matter how old you are, if you're 25 or if you're 75, if you have a dream go for it. Because if you don't, you'll never know. Brilliant. That's really lovely. I was going to ask you about, you were saying about whether you're 25 or 55, but if, if you weren't feeling, I mean, I don't know how, what, how you would cope with this, but if you weren't feeling so great about your body and maybe you think you look old or fat or just a bit rubbish what would you do.

To revert that feeling. I always thing. It's not on the what's on the outside. That matters. It's what's on the inside. That's important. Now I have grain frizzy have I'm developing Joel I'm flat-chested. But if it's doesn't like me because of that, then I wouldn't want to know them anyway, because I'm so much more than what I look like externally.

And also in who's to say if, if you're feeling a little rounder than, than you would like or who's to say, what's beautiful. Yeah. Is to say who, who makes that judgment? Who, who decides what's beautiful. I just think everyone's beautiful. You've got a good heart. It reflects on the outside. Absolutely.

Perfect answer. Thank you very much for that. So talk about that. What is the most beautiful thing about you? What physically doesn't matter, whatever, whatever, what is the most beautiful thing about you? I think I'm compassionate. I think I'm kind of, I think I'm compassionate and I'm always here. If anyone needs.

Yeah. I mean, quite nice as well. And so if there was one thing you were to change about yourself, would, would it be I do lack confidence. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Aye. Do I like when I started the book, I used a pen name. Cause I thought I'm like, everyone's going to hate it. So I'll use a pen name that nobody ever needs to know.

I just wish I could be a little. That's really strange, isn't it? Because people would think that you're writing a book like that, which is not an easy topic for, for many people to talk about. And, and then you're saying that you lack confidence, which, and you've actually been on more now you've been on good morning Britain or was it this morning?

I mean, you've done things like that now. And yet. I mean, you're coming here to talk to me. You don't know me fraud. We went on, we've never actually met only via Facebook. So. A lot of people would look up to you and think I really want to be like her because she's actually gone out and done something, even though she was scared, even though she hadn't got a clue, she was doing something else.

She's actually had the confidence to, to get out there and do it. And so what one person's idea of confidence is, and another person's is different, isn't it? And, and you know, as far as I was concerned, I think it's amazing that you've, you've actually got out there and, and talked about all this. I think it's, it's the self.

I have a lot of self doubt sons. Yeah. Cause I think, you know, oh God, everyone's going to think that books shares and I've make all these sales and everyone's going to hate it. And then Wendy's going to think of Boca. So, you know, I don't think that that's how I think sometimes. And I need to, I just kind of need to work on that, but yeah.

I mean, even, even in terms of the reviews on Amazon, you know, although I, I just think, you know, it is, it is horses for courses and some are gonna love it. Some of them hate to, it takes me ages to really build up that confidence because I'm looking at yeah, I'm focused. No, no, no. I don't think you're bonkers.

I think you actually live quite a good life because your you're not, you're not Acting, what has people at 50 or whatever women obviously have ha used to have a an image anyone over 50 is actually had it. So you're actually bucking the trend by writing a book, doing what you want saying what you think and being brave, because it does take a lot of guts to, to come out and be to do something like that, which is, which is brilliant.

And I think the more people of our age talk about the problems that we are encountering and yeah, we're not spring chickens any longer, but we are that we are beautiful still. No, no, no. Carry on. It's really important. We don't conform to the stereotypes of age because we don't have to, you know, we don't, we don't have to, you don't have to hit certain age and start wearing beige and start shopping at marks and Spencers, you know, just, just be yourself, just, just carry on being here because you are unique and it'll never be end of the year.

So. And also, and also our age as well. We do have a bit of an excuse that we can actually go out and be a bit more wild. And we like most people, if they have children, I don't, but you have, they've grown up. You can now you have more of a life for yourself and you can start. Creating that life think about what you want and actually like you changing what you do.

And I don't know if you're still in, have you gone back into recruitment now as well? Or are you, are you still you're writing? Just kind of carry on with the right SNI, see where it takes me. And obviously the goal at the moment with the book sort of achieving what it's achieved is to get a a traditional publisher.

Help me get. To the masses really? Cause when you self-publish, you're quite limited. So you don't have an advertising budget. I have marketing budget. But in order to get a publishing, you have to literary agent, right? Then looking for stories that are going to resonate through the years with enlightened to the dark.

And I have three swearwords and I first have, so I'm not really that demographic, even though thousands and thousands of thousands of women, who've read it and looked at it. It's getting somebody to take a chance on me. You know, like I said, it's, it's not a great literary classic. It's just makes ladies laugh at well.

I think that if you go into any bookstore and or book, book shop you you'll find books with swear words and things in it, so I'm pretty sure that someone is going to take you on. And do, did you have any, any literary, like, have you done any writing courses or did you, is it something that just, you just went into blind?

No. I mean, I did, I've done a bit of content 19 in the past, but no, no, just, I mean, I did English and drama at uni, but I just evicted. I didn't go into it completely blind. I just thought I said, I, I would just be lying in bed at two o'clock in the morning. And I think wouldn't it be funny if. X Y and Z happened when you tried to trip to put hot wax on somebody I'm laughing.

I'm not, it's kind of how, how it came, how it came about. So for instance, this there's this scene in film, basic instinct where they Got friendly and for the sink. Oh, hang on a minute. The washing hops in there, it's not hygienic. So scenarios, I just turned around and put comedy into them. I think you're going to sell an awful lot of books now, because if you were to say my kitchen.

Yes. And then I know somebody else who likes basic instinct, but I think it's probably a bit further down the line than the washing up in the sink bit. But yeah. And I also have a friend who I've also have a friend who's writing or has been, has an idea for a book. And she has. She's puts, she's been putting it off forever and ever, and ever, and she knows someone else.

Who's written a book and they say it's hard. And so I'm what I'm really hoping is that she she'll know who she is, that the he'll be listening to this and you will inspire her to, I don't know he well, but you've got to go for it. Don't sit down and force yourself to write which a lot, a lot of force this.

Do you know, you sets of five hours a day down to right. Just do it as it comes, as it flows, you know, just cause that's what I did. It was really natural. It wasn't forced. And I, I just really enjoyed the process. Brilliant. Thank you so much for taking, because we've, we've actually planned this meeting about three or four times, haven't we?

And it's actually never come off because we've both, either something I've had no electricity. You've had to go to hospital, very romantic stuff. Isn't it. You've got to go to hospital with your mother. I've had no electric, well, the cars broke down and all sorts of things. So we didn't actually, this is, this is about the fourth attempt we've actually had to get together.

Isn't it. We've done it. What I'm going to do. In with all the bits of the things for the podcast, I'm going to put how everyone can have a look at your book, have a link and also to your Instagram, because you're on Instagram as well. And and I hope people will follow you. And as I say, I'm sure that one or two people are gonna get a, buy your book as well from this.

So thank you Stephanie, once again for being my guest and I'll see you again. And that is the end of this podcast. I hope you've enjoyed it. And I'll see you again soon. Ciao.