An addict's story from near death to a sober life and gratitude for it all

Alcohol and drug addiction are significant public health issues. The financial challenges hit not only the person but their family, community and caregivers. The annual cost for substance abuse treatment is over 600 billion dollars. Each year, 16 million or 6 percent of Americans over the age of 12 abuse prescription drugs.

Kevin Shuler is a Recovery Coach Program Manager for CCAR, (Connecticut Community Addiction Recovery), and it is a centralized resource hub in Connecticut for all things relating to recovery. CCAR can help you to navigate the recovery community by connecting you with others in recovery and providing access to area support services.

Kevin talks openly about his life of addiction that almost killed him, and how he rebounded to help others fighting their recovery process. He talks about how this affected his family and support system, and how CT Paid Leave could really help during a desperate time.

For more information about recovery in Connecticut and CCAR go to: Home - CCAR
or call 866-205-9770.

For more information and resources go to: Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services

For information about Benefits or to Apply go to: CT Paid Leave

https://ctpaidleave.org/s/?language=en_US



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Transcript

Nancy Barrow: 0:01

Hello, Connecticut and welcome to the paid leave podcast. The title basically says it all. I'm Nancy Barrow and I will be delving into this new state program and how it can help you and your family. This podcast will give you information you should know about Connecticut paid leave, and maybe just a little bit more. Connecticut paid leave brings peace of mind to your home, family and workplace. Welcome to the paid leave podcast. September is recovery Awareness Month and in Connecticut residents are more likely to die from unintentional drug overdoses than they are in a motor vehicle accident. The majority of these deaths are linked to overdoses of prescription opioid painkillers and illicit opioids and the big one of course fentanyl. And now xylazine addiction crosses socio economic lines, but it can be really financially devastating. It affects the person addicted as well as the families with economic impacts and finances can really become a barrier to getting care Connecticut paid leave helps to remove that barrier. And it provides up to 12 weeks of income replacement so workers can retain their jobs and get treatment, they can take the 12 weeks in a block or intermittently or at a reduced schedule from work to attend treatments for their addictions. And Connecticut paid leave also covers behavioral health visits as well. Connecticut paid leave also provides caregiver leave that gives up to 12 weeks of income replacement for family members or people related by blood or affinity that are like family, maybe a neighbor or a co worker or a best friend that are directly involved in their loved ones recovery care. Without pay leave these caregivers can lose income and even their jobs. My guest is Kevin Schuler, who is a recovery coach, Program Manager for CCAR. And CCAR stands for Connecticut community addiction recovery. And it's sort of like a centralized resource hub in Connecticut for all things recovery. It'll help you navigate the recovery community by connecting you with others in recovery and providing access to Area Support Services. Kevin, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for having me, it's gonna be an interesting conversation that we have. Normally I would start the podcast and like, ask about C car and the programs you offer. And we'll get to that. But I really want to start with your story because your story led you to see car so your story is amazing. And when we talked, I said, oh gosh, this is like really powerful. And we have to get Kevin on here to talk about it. Um, do you have a family addiction? Like a family history of addiction?

Kevin Shuler: 2:31

Yeah, absolutely. I think addiction kind of runs through my family on both sides. My father actually was from where we are now the Hartford area, he grew up in a fatherless home, and Charter Oak terrace in the late 70s. And so I think a little bit with his family dynamic and how he was thrown into fatherhood and parenting without those real skills. Yeah, and definitely struggling with his own battles. Certainly, that would have been a trickle down effect that may have affected me however, through my work and recovery, I have taken ownership for, for my recovery, first and foremost, but also for the fact that there were opportunities for intervention with my with my disease or condition of addiction, right. And I really struggled, I struggled for a long time. So addiction, for me started the very early age, probably at the age of 10, with, you know, seemingly innocuous substances like alcohol or marijuana, and probably in an attempt to kind of fit in or really find an identity for myself, and the peer pressure didn't ensued. I certainly found solace and found some comfort and relief in those substances. What transpired was a pretty rapid progression. And when we saw that prescription pill boom, in the early 2000s, is when I think my addiction really exacerbated. And it really started to progress to a point where it can no longer be controlled. And from there, we progressed to IV drug use and IV drug use, for me, resulted in some severe medical consequences, some severe environmental consequences, but really, it created a separation between me and myself. And really the type of person I lost track of who I was and who I wanted to become.

Nancy Barrow: 4:09

And how old were you when you started? Like when you went from alcohol and marijuana into like IV drug use. It's a big, it's a big jump.

Unknown: 4:17

It's a big giant. So when oxycontin was so prevalent, that's really where I think I found my drug of choice and where I found relief, not only physically but just emotionally and that emotional relief would allow me to really shut off my emotions and no longer have to feel the perceived pressures of the world, so to speak.

Nancy Barrow: 4:34

And so then when you went to IV, was that like heroin that you were using?

Unknown: 4:38

Yeah, so IV drug use probably followed, maybe three or four years of pretty consistent prescription pill use. And then we saw, obviously, a really clear cut down on supply for prescription pills, so they were no longer as easily accessible as they had been in the early 2000s. So about 2005 2006 was the first time I was introduced to heroin. And heroin doesn't have to be injected, you can snort it. And so that's where it began. And then, you know, your tolerance increases very rapidly. And so you need more to produce the same desired effect. And I was introduced to IV drug use where I would need less drugs to get a stronger effect. And obviously, there was a stigma associated with it and feared that came along with it. But all those fears were kind of subsided with the need the need the need to, to get that effect.

Nancy Barrow: 5:31

Yeah. And then did it go to fentanyl? Or how did that come into play?

Unknown: 5:35

So it wasn't like we received like, notice the fentanyl was on scene immediately. We certainly saw I think I want to say um, years can be a little off, but probably 2012 2013, there was a sharp uptick in Connecticut with with opioid overdoses. And that's when there was certainly there was information that was being disseminated about the fentanyl and the prevalence of fentanyl. But it's but the people that I received drugs from or COP from, it's not like they would tell me this is fentanyl. Yeah, until fentanyl became the desired drug, right, because it was obviously stronger than to hear when there was they replaced, and people sought out for fentanyl. And in some instances, and this is counterintuitive as it may sound, you would seek out I would seek out the stamp or the or the brand of heroin that we would hear produced overdoses because that was the strongest version of heroin in the street. So if somebody had a specific bag we'll call maple Ave, if somebody had the maple abs, I'm looking for the maple abs. And what

Nancy Barrow: 6:47

didn't scare you elected people, you know, die,

Unknown: 6:51

I lost more people than I can count, I wouldn't want to put a number on it. Because I would I would dishonor the memory of some people that were very close to me who passed away. So yes, a number of people around me passed away and when you were so engulfed into addiction, and that became my entire world and everything I knew when I didn't think that there was even a life outside of that, nor did I even care to experience it. I was so laser focused on just consistently finding ways and means to get more drugs. That's ultimately what I was looking for. And it wasn't a testament of my character. And through to the work and recovery that I've done, I recognized and I wasn't a bad person trying to become good. I was a sick person trying to become well, yeah. That's a perfect way to say absolutely. And I think I lost hope that the change was even possible for me.

Nancy Barrow: 7:35

So it went to a place where you were in the hospital. And had you been in the hospital before?

Unknown: 7:43

Yeah, so so there's a lot of overlap in my story with periods of abstinence periods of recovery, periods of growth, some really good things to happen to me in my life, that were kind of superseded by these returns to use that we that we refer to as relapses. And so I was first introduced to recovery in probably about 2006. And when I was introduced to recovery, for the first time, I saw people who kind of knew what it was like to be me from an emotional standpoint, and that found a new way to live. And so they gave me some hope, they gave me some hope that change was possible. And that recovery was real, and that we had the ability to utilize our pasts to propel us forward and in to use them as lessons. However, I didn't, I wasn't somebody who took the change that easily. And so I was in and out of treatment centers for a number of years. And my pattern of behavior would be I would do very well when I was separated from the behavior and from drugs and in an institution in a treatment center in a halfway house in a sober house. And as soon as I that structure was kind of removed from me, and I had the ability, where I had the requirement to navigate life, as any other adult does with all the stressors, and then probably some wreckage that I created from my recent use, I would ultimately break under depression and return to use, which would create another situation with more wreckage, and more pain. So my first overdose that I recall was in 2008. And I was in a in a sober house, actually, so to speak, where I was using and I was found by a sober house manager and I was revived with the life saving drug Naloxone or Narcan. Narcan. Yeah. And I was brought to the hospital now with stabilized and it was a wake up call for me, certainly. And I think it motivated me for a couple of months until it didn't anymore. And ultimately I would return back to the same pattern us which is what ensued after that was at least six Naloxone reversals and some that created some very severe medical consequences. I'm somebody who contracted Hep C as an IV drug user very early on. I had some liver damage fortunately with the with the miracle drug and It means that they have today Pepsi has been cured, right has been cleared. So I'm grateful for that is wonderful news. Absolutely amazing. But in 2014, I made a decision to use after a period of abstinence. And I had a myocardial infarction, which is essentially a heart. It's a heart attack, I had a condition that is very painful known as Rhabdo Rhabdo. I'm pronouncing it wrong Mayo licenses, I would say, but I think it's my alysus rhabdomyolysis and rhabdomyolysis is essentially the breakdown of muscles in any one of your extremities or limbs, that will secrete a protein called myoglobin, which will in turn shut down your kidneys. So it produces kidney failure. So I had acute kidney failure from this condition Rhabdo. So the kidney failure was probably the most severe, but the most painful, was the Rhabdo. And so the breakdown of muscle in my legs because I overdosed and I fell unconscious on my legs for an extended number of hours, produce this condition called wrapped on a neat and needed, I needed to be hospitalized for close to a month. And this was in 2014. And the pain was so extreme and walking was extremely difficult, and I had to be stabilized with different types of medications. And though, I think the strongest intervention, and the strongest treatment I got was from people in the recovery community, who consistently came into my room, and provided me with just support and messages of hope, and a belief that like, no matter how far down the scale I've fallen, there's still an opportunity to climb back, where there's life, there's hope. And at that point, I had already lost a number of people who are close to me to drug overdoses. And I recognized that that was not a life I wanted to lead anymore, right. And so I think that's where I put forth the strongest commitment to change. And I really did some strong internal work on myself, and a variety of different ways to kind of build up this, so to speak, strong reinforced recovery, that would allow me to function and live life as a normal human being without the use of drugs or alcohol. And as a result of that, life got a lot better, right? Like I was able to return back to school and hold down a job and I was an asset to my family and I was in a healthy relationship. And things were going really well for me until they weren't. And then I actually made a decision to use. And what resulted from there was a very similar experience, as I just explained back in 2014. So I had this constant condition with my heart. And in the rhabdomyolysis did not come back so severely, but there was damage to my kidneys and liver. And I was in a hospital room. And my partner at the time, was still my partner today, came into the room and she was mortified. She had been in recovery for over a decade, she was doing very well there was there wasn't really any telltale signs. How could this happen? She she's probably looking at where to place blame, should she place blame on herself? She angry at me and she angry? Addiction? Where did I fall short probably trying to analyze the situation when ultimately, it's it defies logic, I made a decision to use when things were going very well in my life, there was no real severe consequences.

Nancy Barrow: 13:17

But she was there a trigger? And we you know, you know, in retrospect,

Unknown: 13:20

there was a few triggers. Yeah, yes. Yeah. In a very, very short order, a very close friend of mine lost his life to addiction. And my uncle also lost his life to addiction two days later. And I want and I have kind of stopped doing some of the things that have got me to that point. Yeah. So someone asked those self care activities that really helped me get to a place of growth and acceptance, and learning, I kind of put a pause on and put my efforts and energy towards other areas, I think we have this desire when we are brought out of addiction to kind of get things back as quickly as we can. And so we can fall into that trap of putting too many things on our plate at once. Yeah, and losing focus on putting recovery first. And as a result of that, I paid the consequences. And she told me she was pregnant at the same time. So so now I was in, you know, not having a very stable, great example of a father figure growing up. Somebody did the best they could with what they had, and also recognizing my pattern. And so if I take a look at my history, I don't have much evidence to state that I've shown up for commitment, you know, so, and I couldn't really beat myself up on that fact. But I made a strong commitment to change. And I knew I wanted to be present in my daughter's life, my child's life. We didn't know the gender of the baby at that point in time. However, I was there, I was present, I was present and it was an amazing experience and I was clean and recovery and things are going very well and I held this little girl in my hand and I made a covenant to her into who I perceived to be my higher power. And I stated that I will never ever return back to the person that I was and I will never leave her and four months later, I made a decision to you Once again, and we'll follow that was unlike any previous experience I ever had in the hospital overdosing, I've overdosed, like I said a half a dozen times, some of those instances it would be, it would be a Naloxone reversal brought to the hospital stabilized and and kind of sent out the door with a piece of paper with a list of detoxes that I should probably reach out to, but no real tangible connection to resources or anything in that regard. However, this time, I didn't wake up, I was on life support, and I was in a coma for a number of days. And when I did wake up, it was the most extreme pain I've ever felt. And I couldn't even scream because the ventilator had created damage to my vocal cords. I couldn't even drink water for a number of days, and I couldn't do anything without assistance, and I couldn't move my legs. It was a paralysis with excruciating pain. Yeah, and so this was one of the most severe cases arap, though that the providers who were treating me I'd ever seen. And there was really no clear prognosis on what rehabilitation looks like. But one thing that I didn't know is that I was still here. Yeah. And then I still needed to live. But there was a lack of hope. And so those same types of people that I indicated, came into the hospital room in 2014. They came back in 2018. And they came back in spades and they came back, not allowing me to feel sorry for myself.

Nancy Barrow: 16:17

So I was gonna ask you, Is it tough? Is it tough? Or do they work with empathy? Because most of the people have been there, right? At least was with CCAR. Right? Like were the was that the people from CCAR, who came to you?

Unknown: 16:29

And this instance, no, it wasn't people from seeker, I was first introduced to seeker in 2009, when I was in a treatment center when a man came in, who does outreach on a volunteer basis in the treatment centers, and he really wanted to share the value that seeker had provided him. And so I was aware of it I also used in the Hartford area, and I would walk by CCAR, some periods of time, with no resources, just shame. And knowing that I could walk into that building and probably get some resources and and get some hope and get somebody who wouldn't meet me with empathy and understanding. But the shame prevented me from doing so. So my mother is a salt of the earth type woman of phenomenal soul, she worked for the state of Connecticut for over 30 years in a helper role as a as a registered nurse in a treatment center in Middletown. So she understands addiction as well as somebody could that hasn't truly experienced it. But she was at my bedside daily, she was at my bedside daily. She's a strong woman of faith. And so and I admire that about her. She certainly let me know that regardless of what happened, that she was my mother, and she loved me and there was in she wanted to be there for me. And so that was phenomenal. My daughter's mother would come in with my daughter, who at this time was about six months old. And so but just just the energy that I felt from her being transferred, sitting on my chest, yeah, was incredible. And it was a huge catalyst to change. And so when I was discharged from the hospital, after two months of hemo, dialysis, and finally able to stand up on my own two feet, but unable to really walk,

Nancy Barrow: 18:04

without the assistance of a walker, the paralysis must have been frightening.

Unknown: 18:08

It's extremely frightening. And to this day, I still have some ramifications as a result of it. I don't have full mobility in my leg. But we've made a lot of strides. And I use it as a lot of things as a reminder of where I could easily be if I make a decision to do that again, as a lesson but also is hopefully to provide hope to somebody else that regardless of what you've experienced as a result of your addiction, you can still find a new way to live and you can find some growth I worked in treatment in during my my stints in recovery and I would do really well and I new to helping people with something I want to do and I would return back to school periodically to try to work towards this degree that would always be interrupted through my periods of use. So over about a 10 year period it was just as consistent revolving door of using doing well using doing well and, and what that did to the people around me. I can only imagine as being just so defeating, you know where there's so much hope for Kevin's finally getting his life together to Kevin is back doing what Kevin's always done. And then Bradley some resentment and anger Well, I know of some resentment and some some anger, it's justified for sure. But But I finally returned back to school and I needed about six credits to complete this degree. And three of those credits had to be in an internship in a nonprofit organization. So based on what I knew about C car through my duty outreach efforts and walking through C car and being in the recovery arena. I reached out to C car and I and and when I started this internship I heard of this program where recovery coaches so trained individuals with lived experience in recovery, or going into hospitals into emergency departments and supporting people who are struggling with addiction and it seemed like a perfect something where Oh, jeez, I know what it's like to be a person in the in the hospital dealing with addiction. After this has been maybe a year removed from my overdose. And so for the past year, I've put substantial work into my recovery. I returned to school and I said, I'm gonna apply for this job. It's kind of an act of faith. And, and I and I got hired, I got hired in February 2020, and then the pandemic hit. So we mobilized very quickly in, not one person was laid off from CCAR, during the entire pandemic. And the program continued to operate in a limited capacity. We actually were unable to go into the hospitals during that very height of the pandemic, for about a few months. And so it really allowed me to strengthen my skills and coaching kind of over the phone telephonically. Yeah, and, and when that we were able to return back in July of 2020, it was, it was interesting. But I really found I found I felt was my calling. And I, and I truly, I fell in love with going in and meeting with somebody in the most vulnerable place, providing them with conduit to resources, but most importantly, so you would go into the

Nancy Barrow: 21:10

hospitals. Yeah, did you? And you went into the hospital where you almost died and you were in a coma? What was it like for you walking back into that hospital?

Unknown: 21:23

It was it was a an experience that I don't know, if I could adequately describe. It was it was something that probably brought brought tears to my eyes the first occasion still to this day. But just what it produced was gratitude, and produce gratitude for where I am today and how I got there through little real. I mean, of course, I've done some footwork, but little work on my own, really by the support of the process of recovering the support. Oh, yeah. People who supported that process. Yeah. So going back into those hospitals, which I still do today in a different capacity. Is, is amazing. And it's it's a really is a testament that change is possible for anybody in my eyes. And so how long have you been clean? Now? Just over five years of consistent recovery? Yeah, is that the longest time longest I've ever gone with consistent recovery? I believe that my process began in 2007. And it certainly has been nonlinear. And it's been disjointed. But I don't want to discount some of the work that was done in those in the early early years. Because I think it helped propel me to where I am today. And it gave me a lot of teachable moments. Was that the

Nancy Barrow: 22:36

hardest part of your, of, of where you were is the people that you hurt?

Unknown: 22:42

Yes, yes. Without know, without a doubt, and how

Nancy Barrow: 22:47

are your relationships now that you are sober and have been for five years and, and I think that they see us as the Kevin, we always knew, could could come out could be here.

Unknown: 22:59

I think the most most important conversations I have each day are the important early conversations I have with myself. And so it's really about that self talk and that narrative that I have internally. And as a result of that the relationships in my life have improved as a byproduct. The relationship that I have with my daughter is unparalleled. You know, my daughter, myself, have a bond that I'm sure many other parents can identify with, but is something that is so incredibly special to me and to watch her develop. And just to know that when I tell her son, my daughter's mother and I separated about a year and a half ago, it's a very difficult time, was able to get through it with with some supports, and definitely with a lot of introspection and a lot of reflection. And to do it without returning back to what I've always returned back to. But when I told my daughter, it was in a Sunday morning, and I was packing up my stuff, and I was moving into an apartment. And I told her that I would see her on Tuesday, and I would be picking her up from school, which was very hurtful and hard to do. Yeah, there wasn't a flicker of doubt in her eyes that I wouldn't be there. Because she never knew the guy who would say he was going to do something and not do it. She never she doesn't know the father, who would go missing for weeks or months on end. She doesn't know the person who didn't fulfill their commitments on this she knows of me is somebody that she can trust and somebody who does what they say they're going to do. And so my relationship with her is amazing. My relationship with her mother, although there has been peaks and valleys. We're in a place of mutual understanding, and some growth and some healing there as well. And my relationship with my mother is phenomenal. Even my relationship with my father is one of acceptance and understanding. And so I don't I can't fault my father for for his parenting tactics or skills because he never had any.

Nancy Barrow: 24:55

I think that you're doing really important work. Do you feel like you're doing really important work?

Unknown: 25:00

100% went on, though, I think and there's there's testament to that. And there's so many examples that we can see of. I want to take credit for the work that have been done. But the work that I've been able to be a part of, and to see some of the work that's done, not only by C cardi organization, but by the recovery community, because it truly is going to take all these resources and all the supports of people who can kind of help destigmatize not only addiction, but certainly recovery. Yeah, right. Because there still is when somebody comes in to a job interview for whatever role, they may not want to share their success of recovery, because they may be viewed as a liability in some instances by a perceived employer. And so we're really trying to help change that narrative, that recovery is something to be celebrated. And recovery is something that is certainly requires work. And people who have been able to stabilize and recovery are some of the most resilient and strong and just understanding and kind people I've ever met my life.

Nancy Barrow: 26:04

Do you see a therapist? And have you been in therapy for a while I

Unknown: 26:07

certainly have engaged in the therapy process. Yeah, and so many different stages of my life, I do have a therapist that I connect with. And I and I certainly will continue to engage with my therapy process is not one that is maybe as consistent as it could be. But I certainly have different other areas of my life where that are sounding boards and people that I gather support from and guidance through. And I also have kind of like a self help process. And I work through a recovery focused self help process that is truly given me a lot of insight and growth and awareness and patterns of behavior. And, and it has given me the ability to really kind of shift some of those thoughts and actions and behaviors. And I am a full supporter of the recovery process for sure. The therapy process

Nancy Barrow: 26:55

and one of the good things about conduct paid leave is it does help with mental health appointments. And so if you are seeking mental health, and you're in recovery, that's one of the things that we also cover with up to 12 weeks of income replacement, which is, you know, it's vital for someone to change the, like you said, the behavioral patterns that have come with addiction. That's amazing. Tell me what you think, a program like Connecticut paid leave can do for someone who is in recovery, or even a caregiver who is helping someone in recovery.

Unknown: 27:29

So the program that I see works from the program that I serve works from 8am to midnight, 365 days a year, we're in every single hospital in the state of Connecticut. And so last month, we saw 615 individuals in the hospital who were seeking some support for their addiction, out of those 615, about 25% were employed. And one of the things that we hear people say and one of the barriers to care that they have perceived is who's going to pay my bills, who's going to take care of my animals who's going to take care of these duties that I have. And it prevents them from really accessing the care that they need, regardless of what that care may look like. And even for the caregivers, we have an initiative on the medical units of one of the hospitals here in the state where people come home, and they are very medically compromised. And they have very little help and support and the support that they do have have full time jobs or maybe two jobs. And so how can they support their loved one? If they have to pay bills? So so the fact that there's some replacement for that? And there's some supplemental support is amazing.

Nancy Barrow: 28:36

Yeah, I think it's it's it's great that Connecticut paid leave has, you know, has those provisions intact for someone who is really in recovery. Tell me about CCAR. Tell me a little bit you do have these coach training programs, the recovery community centers? Do you also do advocacy work?

Unknown: 28:55

Okay, so when 1998 CCAR, was actually started as an advocacy organization. So the founder of CCAR was a gentleman named Bob Savage, who had ties with the state of Connecticut, and he recognized the policymakers were kind of making policies about people in recovery, without people in recovery at the table. Yeah. And so he sought to change that. So we started this organization called Connecticut community for addiction recovery. And really what he wanted to do was and the questions he asked is, can the recovery community be organized? And can we affect change? So that's what they sought to do. Within a few years, they really gained a lot of traction and a lot of support. And there was a lot of buy in about this recovery community organization. And what they were doing so they expanded into a arm or a branch of recovery support services, and they started with recovery community centers, and people from all walks of recovery are welcomed. What would that look like?

Nancy Barrow: 29:49

Interesting, like you talked about incarceration. What about the underserved community and and how do you guys get to people who may not have Ways to get into these communities?

Unknown: 30:02

Absolutely. Very good. Very good question. So, recovery coaching programs have expanded through just about to just about every arena we could think of. So we have coaches in the front end of the Justice Justice System in the courthouse, we have coaches, in the Department of Corrections, anybody in any correctional facility in the state of Connecticut can access a recovery coach, we have recovery coaches who work in every emergency department, our programs are all state funded. So there's no requirement for billing, we don't bill insurance, we don't even care if you have insurance, we help undocumented people, we help people with Medicare, it doesn't matter on insurance type. We also our recovery centers are low barriers, so you don't need an appointment to come in, you can just really just stop in. And the question you're going to be asked is How can I help you with your recovery today, we're also in the process of accessing some vans to kind of get to some of those underserved areas and really bring people into the center and truly meeting people where they are physically, we work and operate in the way of meeting people where they are emotionally right now if we can really go where they are physically. And then other outreach efforts and and who knows what other arenas we can expand to. But nobody's turned away from any of the services that we provide.

Nancy Barrow: 31:08

Your sense of purpose, I think, is one of the things that is is really important to you, sir, on a daily basis for your sobriety, how, when you wake up in the morning, and you look at yourself, like how do you stay on track,

Unknown: 31:23

it's still a challenge, and can still be a challenge, like, and I've recognized that there's a program of recovery. So program is an active change in my attitudes, behaviors and ideas. So how am I changing on a daily basis. So it really is about a consistent self inventory that I'm taking, and staying on track means, I mean, I have so many good things that have happened to me as a result of this process. And I don't want to give those away ever again, and I don't want to do anything that could potentially tarnish those. So those are like my safeguards.

Nancy Barrow: 31:55

It's like the pain points. I know that someone told me about pain points, like losing your house, losing your job losing your family, some of those pain points keep people in sobriety, is that sort of when you say you take inventories, that sort of those things?

Unknown: 32:09

Absolutely. What would I be giving up if I made a decision to leave this life or recovery, and the list is astronomical, and it certainly outweighs the things that would be gaining by choosing to return back to addiction. So those are some of the things that helped me stay on track. And obviously, I think what helps me the most is when I'm able to go outside of myself and try to help somebody else.

Nancy Barrow: 32:31

And this new version of you, Kevin, what would you have told the younger Kevin?

Unknown: 32:40

That's a good question, Nancy. Think I almost had to go through what I went through, I think almost did to get to this place of peace. Right? So I might not be happy 24/7 Right. But I'm peaceful. And there was always like this internal conflict going on in my life. And I almost had to let that run its course. And I'm grateful that I was able to let it run its course without it taking my life. Certainly there would have been some things I would have changed as a young adult. But I'm not ashamed of the way that it happened. I'm not so I believe that old cliched and everything happens for a reason. Those things did happen for a reason, they allowed me to get the displays of gratitude, gratitude for the life that I've been given gratitude for what's been overcome gratitude for the pain and gratitude for the purpose that I now have. Do you meditate? Do you do any of that meditate daily? Meditation is a big part of my daily program. Yeah, fitness is very big for me as well. I get a lot of it's not about kind of what I get from that. It's about what I'm able to get rid of, I'm able to get rid of some of that. Those negative thoughts and depression and the woe is me attitude. And it really allows me to be focused on the present moment. Meditation for me as had immeasurable benefits, without a doubt. So yes, those are something some things I certainly incorporate. Journaling is something that's big for me as well.

Nancy Barrow: 34:15

And what are you most proud of about yourself?

Unknown: 34:19

I'm proud that I didn't give up. I'm proud and proud of myself that even when I was faced with the most difficult experience I could ever have imagined, physically, that I allowed somebody to help me. And then I took that direction, and got to kind of where I am today. I'm certainly very proud of how I've been as a father, like that is probably the crown jewel for me personally. professionally. I'm just very proud of the work that's being done by these recovery coach programs in the state. You know, some of the I'm just small part of it. There's a whole organization of purpose driven, passion filled individuals who have the same desire to help who aren't doing this and it's not motivated by money or any ulterior motive. It's just from a sincere desire to give away what's been so freely given to them. And that's, that's a beautiful thing.

Nancy Barrow: 35:20

Well, congratulations on on five, almost six years. Yeah,

Unknown: 35:24

we're getting there. Yeah,

Nancy Barrow: 35:25

that's Thank you. That was really amazing and continued success to you. And I'm thankful that you know, you told your story, I'm sure that it'll resonate with someone who might be listening and, and maybe say, Geez, you know, there is help for me like there is a future for me. That's my hope.

Unknown: 35:42

Thank you so much.

Nancy Barrow: 35:43

Yeah. Kevin Shula, recovery coach, Program Manager for C car. Thanks for sharing your personal story with us. And thank you for being on the podcast. My pleasure. And let's hope that we can get some Connecticut paid leave, we can work together and we can get some of the information out to people who need it.

Unknown: 35:58

Absolutely. Certainly, well. To get in

Nancy Barrow: 36:01

touch with C car you can call 866-205-9770. Or you can go on to their website at C car.us. To apply for benefits or for more information go to CTP leaf.org. This has been another edition of the paid leaf podcast. Please like and subscribe so you'll be notified about new podcasts that become available. Connecticut paid leave is a public act with a personal purpose. I'm Nancy Barrow and thanks for listening