How to be WILDLY Attracted to Your Spouse

When you and your spouse first met, FEELING came before EXPRESSION. You “felt” something before you expressed how you felt.

But then we get married and the chaos of life hits, and  that "lovin feelin" seems to be the last thing on our minds. It's at these moments that we learn a valuable truth - while feeling came before expression before marriage, after marriage expression comes before feeling!

Actions come first!!!

Think about this - you don’t feel healthy and then run three miles do you?  You don't feel healthy and then skip dessert do you? 

No! You run three miles and skip dessert, THEN you feel healthy. Actions first.

In today's episode we're going to look at a small book in the Bible named after a man who drew a tough assignment from God. His name was Hosea, and if there ever was a man who had to learn this lesson it was him. But the miracle of the story is just as true for you and your spouse as it was for him!

Tune in and see what God did through him to show us how we can be wildly attracted to our spouse.

Want to be coached in your marriage, then head over to our site and check out our coaching packages HERE. 

Transcript

So today we're talking about how to be wildly attracted to your spouse. Isn't that a cool title? I love it. You love it. Wildly. wildly, wildly attracted to your spouse. I feel like I should play the, uh, the instrumental version of wild thing. I don't know that we'd endorse the song, but man, what a great beat brings me right back to the eighties, eighties music.

Okay. I'm not gonna talk eighties music, but we are gonna talk about how to be wild. Attracted to your spouse, um, because there is an awesome dichotomy that we get that we get to see in scripture. And we're gonna be in the book of Jose, just one powerful verse. Uh, but before we do that, um, two things we wanna do.

First thing I wanna thank our podcast sponsor CHM Christian healthcare ministries. If you know anything about me and David, they sponsor a lot of stuff that we do. So we just wanna say thank you to them and thank you for helping cover. All the bills. They truly are a godsend for Lundy. Oh, my word. Yeah.

They're amazing. Lundy's been in several. She was in the hospital for two weeks. When, when, uh, she was an infant. Christian healthcare came in and shared all those expenses with us. It was it's awesome. So, and now here we are, again, here we are with all of Len's expenses. Yeah. 20 and they're coming 20 years later.

Mm-hmm no, not 20 years. Yeah, but 20. Well, yeah, since Len's been born, no, I 12 years, 20 years since we joined ch O oh yeah, my be no, no, it's okay. thank you. Uh, but David and I have an entrepreneur company called expert ownership. So if you wanna know more about Christian healthcare ministries, go to expert ownership.com.

Cm. Uh, secondly, we need to do a joke. Yes. I have a good one today from Caitlin Clark, Caitlin Clark for reaching out Caitlin. All right. Okay. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger and then it hit me.

okay. That was good. Oh, I like. Good job, Caitlin. And I know you love that Mr. Baseball. I'm not Mr. Baseball. I mean, obviously I wasn't good enough to make it to the big leagues. Baseball's such a boring sport. They're gonna have to speed it up or do something. But it is America's pastime. It is, is we've been enjoying watching the captain lately, the cap.

Oh yeah. The captain with, um, Derek Jeter. Yeah. Yeah. And, and you know what I liked, um, Tom Brady, man in the arena better, but Tom's language is so bad. Yeah. It really is. It's just terrible. But at least Derek keeps it, uh, keeps it real. Yeah. Um, okay. So let's, let's dive right in this because I I'm, I'm talking to people who are.

And, um, or maybe you're a single person you're listening to this. I don't think we have a lot of you, but there are some we've we've heard from you. I have heard from a few single people and I think that's awesome. Great. That's so smart. So much wisdom to start now. Yes. So Tori and I try not to lead you astray, but let me say this to the married folks.

Um, and, and this is a really, really, uh, important part that when you first met. You, you, you know, when you first met your spouse feeling came before expression, right? Like before you expressed anything, you have to feel something, right? Yeah. Right. That's right. So before I, um, told Tory I loved her or before I reached out to grab her hand and hold it before I did anything, I had to feel something for her.

Mm-hmm I had to feel like, oh, wow, I like this girl. You know? And then that, that feeling led to express. But then after we get married, here's the interesting part. It flips, at least it should flip. And this is what Tori and I are here to tell you that after marriage expression often comes before feeling because when you get married, it's a natural thing for you guys to get busy.

And especially when kids come along and then you've got schedules, not just your schedules, but your kids' schedules. And then you have all sorts of crazy stuff going on. You're really busy. Right? The next thing you know, Feels like the, the feeling's completely gone away. It doesn't mean you don't love your spouse.

I mean, this is something that happens. Um, but what we want to do is we wanna foster that feeling. Which means we wanna stir it up and you can, you can stir up if you read our book, beauty and battle, uh, the arc of our book, the middle chapter talks specifically about a story and we shared it on a podcast as well about how I had lost my love and feeling mm-hmm and God gave it back to me through a dream.

And, uh, and I started pursuing Tory again, relentlessly, but then after that, what I discovered was is. um, my feelings for Tory were growing bigger and bigger. Like my attraction was growing bigger and bigger because of the things I was thinking, saying, and doing. Wow. So the feeling followed the expression.

Mm. Right. Mm-hmm I, I'm just telling you, you have to understand this, uh, actions always come first actions in your mind, the actions that come out of your mouth and the actions in the way that you act towards your spouse, uh, get. If you, um, want to wanna feel healthy, you want to actually feel healthy. You don't feel healthy and then run three miles.

Right? You don't like wait to skip dessert until you're feeling healthy. Right. And what do you do? You go out and you run three miles first. Yeah. So the expression comes first. Then the feeling comes. Yeah. You skip dessert first. Like you do something first, you act first and then the feeling. So that's the important thing that's so true now, where do we get this from?

Uh, Jose chapter two. Now, if you guys know anything about the book of Jose, uh, this is such a powerful, prophetic book, and it's a very small book, but it's a book where God wants to show that the children of Israel had basically cheated on him. Those were like his people. That's that's like, that's like the bride of Christ, right?

We are as the church, the bride of Christ, but there in the, in the old Testament you had God's people and they basically cheated on him. And so God was saying to Jose, Hey, I'm going to deal with Israel. Um, but in order for me to get a message through you on how I'm gonna deal with it, I'm gonna punish him, but then I'm gonna win him back in order for me to get that message through Jose.

I wanna make you the message. So he told Jose go out and marry. We don't know if he said marry a woman who will cheat on you or marry a woman who's already a prostitute commentators are kind of split on that either way. Jose married a girl named Gomer. Well, he should have known by her name but anyway, so he marries this girl.

They end up having two kids and Gomer cheats on him and cheats and cheats and cheats. Wow. To a point where she runs away and she ends. As a prostitute and she finds herself on the slave trade block where she's a prostitute, you know, I mean, if you've ever seen the, uh, the movie lay miser, Rob. Where you get a chance to sing?

I, I forget what's the lady's name? That sings. I dream to dream. Oh my gosh. That was, I forget her name. One of the most powerful scenes in any movie. It's not Kette. Oh gosh. Was it Kette is Fontain yes. Fontine. Yeah. Okay. So it's like, Fontain where she's like selling herself. And so that's the picture of where Gomer was.

She's on this she's on the auction block. Mm. People are bidding for. Obviously she had broken Jose's heart. He had dedicated his heart to her and he had, and now they had these two kids together and then all of a sudden God says, go buy her back. And he shows up with money in hand. Wow. And nobody's gonna outbid for my wife and I'm gonna get her back and oh gosh, it's so powerful, right?

Yeah. Wow. Okay. Then God says to Jose, this is what I'm gonna do for the children of Israel. He. In verse 14 of Jose too. And this is powerful gang. You guys are gonna love this. He says this, therefore I am now going to allure her. I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. Oh my goodness.

God said he was gonna do that with Israel before they turned their heart back to him. And so he said that Jose, you go out and you buy your wife. You allure. You speak tenderly to her, you bring her back home and love on her. Wow. And then watch what happens with her heart. Okay. So this is to a woman who has left you for other men.

Yes. Wow. Okay. Now here's the cool thing. So God says I'm gonna speak tenderly to her. That's affection mm-hmm and this would bring her back that's attraction, right? No, but I'm just thinking of the surrender involved. It'd be crazy. Like the surrender of Jose Uhhuh to do that to somebody who. Just completely disrespected you.

Yeah. Wow. But, but if you, if you find yourself, uh, not really attracted to your spouse or, you know, obviously we would all say, oh yeah, I'm attracted to my spouse. Of course I married him, you know, kind of thing. But I'm talking about wildly attracted where you like literally feel magnetism, then you need to pay attention to what God did with Jose.

And then we need to be. Right with a state of surrender, like, okay, God, you know, if you're wife out there and you think, well, my husband, hasn't been very attractive lately. I'm not talking just physical. I'm talking about like, maybe he's been a little lazy. I don't know. Maybe, maybe he hasn't been as good of a provider or protector.

Maybe hasn't made you feel the priority or whatever. Right. And so therefore, some of your attraction that you once had is kind of starting to fade. Yeah. Then God would say to you, if I can do it with Isaiah and I can do it with Gomer, I can do it with you and your husband. Now. Here's the, here's the important.

Um, he said, therefore, I am now going to allure her. He said it, and it's in the IV and NAS, which means that word in the NAS, um, is a word for word translation. So God said, allure, this isn't like some, uh, paraphrase or anything like that. He said the word allure, you know what allure means? Hm. The quality of being powerfully and mysteriously attractive or fascinating.

Wow. So God says, I'm, I'm gonna go and I'm gonna allure her. I'm gonna actually be mysteriously attractive and fascinating. I'm gonna do that because I'm going to do something for her. I'm gonna buy her back. So in dating attraction leads to affection. Yeah, that's what I said earlier. The feeling comes.

Expression. Right? Right. That's what happens in dating attraction comes before affection, but then we get married. As things begin to change, uh, it, it gets reversed where now affection is gonna lead to attraction. So do you wanna know how you're gonna be wildly attracted to your spouse? You're gonna be affectionate.

Wow. Even when you don't want to. Hmm. Now, you know the definition of affection tour. I think you're gonna tell me whether you want me to or not, you actually look really pretty. Oh, my gosh. please stop. Um, affection means a bent of mind toward a particular object. Mm. A bent of mind, a bent of mind. Wow. So affection starts in the mind.

Mm. A pivot of the mind it is. And then it expresses itself through your words and then your deeds. Wow. So if you start and just think about that, if you start in the mind, move down. Into your head to where you get into your mouth, let it out, and then think about the rest of your body. And then you get draw close to your spouse in your mind, your words and your actions.

That's where affection starts. And when you show affection, proactively show affection, you do it. You will find yourself more attracted to your spouse. Wow. Now here's the crazy thing. Your spouse. Then if you're now the spouse who's receiving the affection. You have to respond to it. Yeah. We've talked about that.

About the, the power of bids. Mm-hmm so the, the happiest marriages are those who, who positively respond to your spouse's bids. So if your spouse is listening to this, so if you guys are listening to this and your spouse actually decides, you know what, I'm gonna start thinking positive thoughts. I'm gonna bend my mind toward my spouse.

I'm gonna think about, you know, these positive thoughts, like Tori making dinner. And I'm actually gonna look at her smashing these little potatoe. And putting Parmesan cheese all over it and all the stuff that she's doing. And I'm gonna think about how grateful I am that she's taking the time to do that.

You know, what's gonna happen. I'm gonna start to feel more attraction to her. And then as I voice it, and then as I walk up and give her a hug or whatever, and of course, then she'll hand me the salt and pepper and say, Hey here, can you help me out kind of thing. But my heart will begin to get affectionate toward her.

But if she responds to that in a positive way, and then she does the same. Then the, then the attraction is just off the chains. Good. Wow. That's so good. Can I, can I tell you a scripture that I read this morning? That just goes like so perfect. You were saying James 1 25. It says, but those who set their gaze deeply into the perfecting law of Liberty are fascinated by and respond to the truth they hear and are strengthened by it.

They experience God's blessings in all they do. So it's exactly what you're talking about. Like when we respond to truth, when we like you're right now, bringing us the scripture and showing us in scripture through our, through the history of scripture, what to do. Yeah. What, you know, through the example of Jose.

Yeah. We do that. And then we respond with truth. We experience God's blessing. Yeah. That's so cool. And then Matthew 6 21, Jesus says where your treasure is there. Your heart will be. Your heart will go where your mind and body take it. Yeah. So it's not, you can't wait to feel something before you say and do something right.

For your spouse, you say, and do something and then you'll feel it later. Mm-hmm like our attraction will go, will go where our affection takes it. Yes. That's the whole not so important. And that's I was, so my devotions this morning was, was James one and. It got me thinking so much about our, my thinking and my desires, cuz it says in verse 14, instead it it's it's okay.

I'm sorry. I'm gonna back up. It says when you're tempted, don't ever say, God is tempting. Me for God is incapable of being tempted by evil and he is never the source of temptation. Instead it is each person's own desire and thoughts that drag them into evil and lure them into the darkness. Wow. And I just circled in my Bible desires and thought.

What are my desires and thoughts, right? Like it's so important, our desires and our thoughts are what lead us in life. Yeah. And if our desires are no longer for our spouse, maybe we don't have a desire to pursue them, or we don't have a desire for them. You're talking about attraction. We don't have, yeah.

If you've lost that, then you need to look at what you're thinking about. Yeah. You need to look at at because thoughts and desires are. Tightly intertwined. Yeah. And so I know that in our relationship, like we've had to really, really focus on what are our desires like, do we like for you when you started pursuing me, the Lord really convicted you to start desiring me again, like you were so focused on your business, that your desires and your thoughts were all about the business right at that season of life.

But then God was like pivoting you to. Focusing on our relationship again, to start thinking about it and to start desiring it again. Yeah. And that was the beginning of a huge shift for us. And I live this. I'm telling you, if you haven't read our book or listened to it, you've got to cuz and you'll see exactly how the Lord wrecked me.

And, but I realized that I wanted that attraction back mm-hmm I mean, I was always attracted to Tori, but I just was, you know, pursuing other things, you know, with my career and stuff. And, uh, and the Lord rocked me. Yeah. But I got it back from my thinking. Yeah, I did. And I, you know, I think self-awareness is so important in relationships because, and I know that the Lord has really used the Ingram to help me to understand this because when you are, when I was studying the Ingram and all these nine different ways of how people think and are motivated.

Yeah. What is so interesting is that each type has a core desire. I think something that they, they desire that's a little bit different from the next number. Right. And, and then you can see how the, the, these, all these nines tend to think alike. All these ones tend to think alike. All of these threes tend to think alike.

Why? Because they have a core desire. Yeah. And so it just, it being aware that our desires are so like, you really need to know what do you want? And, and what are you, because what you want is what you're gonna be moving towards. But a lot of times in what I have also learned through, through, you know, self-awareness through studying the Igram and emotional intelligence, is that oftentimes we do the, like, whatever our desire is, we actually do things that pull us away from what we really desire, just because of a lack of awareness.

Mm. So for me, for an example, My desire is peace, cuz I'm a nine. And so I have a very strong desire for peace, but some of the things that I do actually are bring me the furthest from peace because I'm just not self-aware enough to know yeah. What I'm actually what I'm actually doing and what I'm actually thinking.

Yeah. Anyways, we can get into that maybe another time when we talk about desires and in. Um, and helping understand be, and bring self-awareness to that. But, um, I just think it's, it really is important to understand desire and thoughts and what, what we're moving towards. Yeah. And if, if you're not really feeling it and, and maybe Tori, what she just said hits you pretty hard where you don't desire to feel it mm-hmm, like your desire is gone.

What do you do? Well, then you have to look at your commitment. Are you really committed to your relationship or are you not like. Whether you want it or not, like maybe you think your, your feelings are gone and you're like, I'm just, I'm, I'm done. Well, I can tell you this. You did say I do mm-hmm you did say till death do us part.

Yeah. So you did say those things and, and so therefore I can say you need to do what we're saying here that God did with Jose that start thinking affectionately, start talking affectionately and start acting affectionately. You need to do those things because it's right. Because it's the commitment that you make now do those things and here's, what's gonna happen.

I think you'll find that your, your emotions will, and your feelings will start to, to, to follow. Right. I mean, so do you wanna be mysteriously and powerfully attractive to your spouse again? Well, then you've gotta be proactively affectionate. Yeah. Even if you don't want to and just watch what happens, that's how you become wildly attracted to your spouse.

It it's something that God wants. It's something that God will empower you to do. Yep. But you just have to have the discipline to. So were you gonna share another S verse? No. you weren't were you gonna sing a song? yes. Sing a song, spread some cheer. Oh, my word. Okay. But we were going to share the meal of the week before we oh, well that's right before we leave.

Hey, you guys, I'm so proud of Tori because we are not doing that dumb, stupid. Would you rather, would you rather, that was kind of fun, but man, it just, it didn't, it didn't work. So now we're finding out that a lot of you are foodies like us, so, oh my gosh. Yes. Food is the great equalizer. Is it, would it be wrong?

Should I wait to tell them my every single morning breakfast cuz I really want to do that. Okay. Let's do that next week. Yeah. Okay. Do, do you, well, go ahead. I mean, now they're all like, okay. Every morning, every single morning after workout quarter cup of oatmeal. A whole cup of blueberries and apple sliced up and four sunny side up eggs, all mixed together.

It makes you feel like a million bucks, right? A million gajillion. And I'll have Tori take a picture. I do not eat that because it looks disgusting, but Jason likes to mix everything. I mix everything. I got that from back when I was in Dallas, Texas, my mom, we never had any money, but every now and then she'd make well, not every now.

And then she made dinner. All the. But then the night after she made dinner was. A mixture of whatever what's the night before something else. I'm just thinking, as you're saying this, like kind of goes along with what you're talking about, really? Because when you, the reason that you put this concoction together is cuz you are trying to figure out like the right balance of protein and carbs and.

And things to fuel your body the best after a workout. And it does it, and now he loves it like at, at first. I don't think I remember when you first ate it. Like, I don't think you really loved it, but now you literally it's like, if he can't, if he's not home, he like tells me he's craving it. He doesn't wanna be home and eat my, I do.

I don't want to eat anything else. Yeah. After a workout then that, and you guys should try it. I've actually had friends of mine who tried it and said, you know what? It's actually pretty good, but you gotta put the right amount of salt and pepper on those. Like you don't do that, then it just tastes a little bland and it's just not working.

Yeah. So then you get the salty, you get the peppery and then you get some sweet with the apple and the, the blueberry. And then the oatmeal is just to make sure that you got some slow release carbs and you don't, you only do like a fourth of a cup. Fourth of a cup. Yeah. I've done more for him and I get in trouble.

you don't get in trouble. I just dump half of it out. okay. So yeah, if you wanna try that, go for it, but go for it. If you want something really yum. This is what we're. This is our favorite meal of the week. Very, very simple grilled chicken thighs. Okay. I love is that it? No, no, no. Okay. Are you gonna, listen, are you gonna keep interrupting me?

okay. Rebuked on our podcast and I'm not deleting it. Jason talks so fast sometimes that he just, it just comes out quickly. It's okay, though. Okay. So grilled chicken thighs. I, we, our whole family loves chicken thighs. They're so much better. Chicken breasts. Do I think, babe? Oh gosh, chicken thighs. I don't even want to eat chicken breasts again.

Okay. It's so good. So you take barbecue sauce. The best barbecue sauce that I have found is kinders. Yeah. K I N D E R postures, right? Yeah. It'll blow your hair back. Organic. It's organic. That's what, that's what drew me to it. It is so good. So easy. You just Mar just throw the, the chicken thighs into a bag, a bag or into I into a Tupperware.

With this sauce, let it marinate all day. All good. Or if you can't, if you don't have time, it's not a big deal just then don't just marinate it for five minutes. Marinate it for 10 minutes while you're getting everything else. Prepped. Just throw it in for a Marin minute. Use this marinate. It's so good.

Okay. And then we, we, we do smash potatoes, Christina. One of my really good friends, Christina sea. Yeah. Told me this recipe and cuz my daughter Lundy went to her house. She made it and told me I have to make it. It's the best thing she's ever had. So now we are doing smash potatoes and the kids love they're like, are those things called?

What kind of potatoes are they called? So they're just like baby potatoes. Yeah, the tiny boil them suckers. Yep. You boil them and saltwater and then you smash 'em onto some parchment paper. You smash 'em with the bottom of a, of a Mason jar or a cup or a cup super. Then you season them up with salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and then you smash 'em.

Then you brush some olive oil on top, right? Put all the seasonings. What about the parm on I do the parm on this is exactly what I'm talking about. Like that was, oh, did I jump ahead? That was the next thing that was coming outta my mouth. Oh my gosh. Geez. What about the Parmesan? Yeah. And I actually get to take some bite to that Parmesan.

It's pretty good. So Jason then adds the Parmesan because you need, you need some, you know, put some muscle into it when you're doing, Parmesans such a hard cheese and yeah. Or pian, whatever you wanna call it. and then you just load it with some Parmesan. You don't have to have Parmesan, but honestly it really makes it amazing.

Yeah. It's a party in your mouth. You can, if you have some fresh parsley add. Amazing. Uh, you don't have to have fresh parsley, but just looks really pretty and adds a little flavor. And then you just bake them 4 25 for like 25 minutes until they're really crispy. Oh my gosh. They're so good. Yeah. And then, um, but wait, we always have, we always have a green, so like we usually do either green beans or asparagus.

Yeah. Well you gotta tell 'em your asparagus. Remember, cuz I hate eating asparagus when you get to that heart stop and then you're chewing it and it's just, you don't even wanna swallow it and it all gets all in your teeth. So basically like you just take the asparagus at the very tip that part that like is disgusting.

When you try to eat it, it's all chewy. You just break it off wherever it naturally breaks at the end. Not the part like at the, the thin part, the thick part, the end of the asparagus. You just pop it. just break it off and, um, you don't have to eat that chewy part anymore. We, how many years? Oh, don't how many years?

How many decades did we, did I make asparagus with that skill? Yeah. No, it wasn't good. I she'd make asparagus and I wanted to take one just, yeah. So break off that N piece whack somebody with it. Yep. It was hard to chew. Yeah, that's it? It is a really, it's the easiest meal ever. The kids love it. We do it almost once a week just because the.

Love the barbecue chicken. We grill it. When are we doing the again? Grilled thighs. We do it like every week. Are we doing it this week? Yes. Oh, good. Thank you. And so anyways, this is great. Okay. So that's it. That's so we got, we got some chicken thighs. We got some smash potatoe, potatoe smash, and we got some greens, greens, you know, asparagus, meat, beans, whatever you like, easy meal kids.

Love it. Jason loves it. I love. And it keeps you regular. Yep. Everybody's happy. Which is, it is hard to pick a meal that everybody likes. Let me tell you but this is one like the, the tuna last week. Mm. Not everybody loves. Oh, I love it. Me and Jason Love it. Yeah. This one, you really can't go wrong. Everyone loves it.

And it's so easy. You know what else? Everyone loves. What? Raymond, Raymond noodles. No, just Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. Oh, Come on. It's a throwback tour. We gotta be on the same page here. Okay. We're definitely not. So you wanna be wildly attracted to your spouse and the food that he or she makes? Well, then affection leads to attraction about that.

I love it. All right. Thanks for hanging out with us today. Don't forget to rate review. Um, That's it like, I really don't have anything else to say, that's it. I wanna say goodbye. And we love you. We really wanna try to keep these to 20 minutes or less. I mean, Jason, doesn't keep 25. Now that you got your little recipe stuff.

Yeah. Well, I mean, honestly, if you're have on one and a half, two speed, like, well, how we listen to podcasts, then you can easily get the whole, the whole idea is that they can get to and from a location and listen to our podcast. 12 minutes. Yeah. So if you do on two speed, you're good, boo. All right, we'll see you guys next week.

Thanks for hanging out with us. See you guys.