Ep 57 - Prepping Parents to be Role Models

Welcome to a brand-new episode of Your Sports Resource! Today, we have a fascinating discussion in store for you as we dive into the world of clubs and college programs. Joining me is Matt, and together, we're unpacking the complex dynamic between parents and sports.

Transcript

00:00:03 - Introduction

This is the Your Sports Resource podcast where each week you'll learn actionable strategies that you can implement so the operations of your club support your coaching staff and the direction of your organization. We are committed to excellence in youth sports leadership. Let's get started. 

00:00:25 - Renata

Alrighty. Hello and welcome, everyone, to the Your sports resource podcast. Today, Matt is joining me to discuss how clubs and college programs manage parents. And I specifically want to talk about how coaches can help parents remove the pressures that they put on their own children, whether they do it knowingly or not. 

00:00:50

I thought we'd start today by providing some statistics and if you haven't found the website Project Play, I'd suggest that you take some time after this podcast and just go take a look. I think it's projectplay.com. They have great information along with some statistics regarding youth sports. 

00:01:10

So, in 2019, they conducted a survey that found that children spend less than 3 years playing a sport quitting by the age of eleven. In their statement, it said in 2018, only 38% of kids ages 6 to 12 played team sports on a regular basis, down from 45% in 2008. 

00:01:34

Now I would imagine coming off of COVID that that number has risen dramatically because what we're seeing in the swim clubs is there is an increase in membership with a lot of clubs across the nation. But I believe that the main reason why kids lead the sport still remains and that is the absence of fun. That's the reason that they list on Project Play. 

00:02:00

And I personally believe that parents have a huge part to play in that exodus and why they leave regarding not having fun. And I've fallen into this trap with my own kids where I know that they have talent and skills and I overstep with my own excitement and add pressure. Not intentionally, but that ended up being the result, right? 

00:02:23

Because I'm all in their business about how they're doing with their sport. And then we have parents who fully know what they're doing and comparing their son know, Michael Phelps at the age of 8, and you know, I know that we laugh at that, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard that statement from various coaches, so I know that it's real. 

00:02:42

So, what I'd like to get into today is how the coaches and staff can help parents build the right expectations for their kids, so they do have fun, but also carry on in the seriousness of the competitive sport of swimming. 

00:02:59

I know there's already a lot of pressure on coaches to do a myriad of tasks, but I feel like if they are able to take the task of teaching parents the right behavior, that it'll ease some of the on-deck pain and the turnover in athletes. And I think this whole thing starts with openly talking about what the parent can do to be a good role model. 

00:03:28

I think that's kicking off the season. I know we're a little bit late past kicking off the season, but kicking off the season with the conversations about what does it mean to be a good role model for the club and for the swimmer. And then each coach reiterating that information in their weekly email updates or their conversations on deck before heavy meet season starts to begin. 

00:03:51

So Matt, I want to ask you the first question, and that is what do you think exemplifying a good role model means and what does that look like and how should the coach actually share that information with the parent?

00:04:07 - Matt

I think when it comes to parents, they just want them to be supportive, right? They want them to be there, cheering on their kids, hopefully volunteering, helping out with the program, and just having their presence there, I think, is exactly what the coaches and what the teams want and it's honestly what they need, right? 

00:04:31

I mean, everybody's kind of looking for help as far as keeping the kids motivated. They're looking for help as far as running meets or running fundraising opportunities. So, they need the parents to be engaged in what's going on with the team. 

00:04:49

And as hard as it is for the coaches to keep the kids motivated, they need the parents help there as far as making sure that the parents are saying the right things and reinforcing the right things so that those kids can come and actually have fun with what they're doing and not come in and feel like, well, I have this extra pressure on me at home that's going to carry over to when I'm now at the pool. 

00:05:16

So, it is a lot of education, like you said. But I think if people can get in that routine and kind of make that part of their yearly program, then it would only take a year or two, right, to get the parents to understand what those behaviors exactly for that club, what those may look like, what those are and you'll start seeing that pretty quickly, especially with the younger kids as they hopefully keep progressing through.

00:05:46 - Renata

I think most parents, though, would assume that they are good role models, right? So, do we think we should explain it? I guess for me to give some examples, for me, my thought process is encourage all the swimmers, not just your swimmer, right. 

00:06:08

Be positive to all swimmers, even if one of them beats your son or daughter or just that kind of being a strong role model in that moment, being able to control your emotions, understanding that there's going to be a disappointment. There's going to be highs.

00:06:27 

There's going to be lows. And being able to control all that and be excited for your kid, but not be obnoxious about it. Right? And it's okay to even be disappointed in the outcomes, but again, don't be obnoxious about it. 

00:06:44

So, I think it's just kind of those things that I think that we probably need to ask coaches to outline what does a role model look like? Because I think most people would think, well, I'm not bad, I'm fine. They wouldn't assume that their behavior is necessarily not right. 

00:07:03

And I'm not even talking at this point about poor behavior. I'm just talking about well-intentioned parents are like, you should have kicked harder on the wall and beat so and so, that kind of thing. Those kinds of little statements that have a big chink in the armor but are kind of innocuous from their perspective.

00:07:25 - Matt

Yeah. I think as a parent at an actual swim meet, right, you're trying to get your child to walk and act a certain way, hopefully. And as a parent, it's the same thing. So, you have to, I think, first recognize the environment you're in, right. You're surrounded by other parents, you're surrounded by other kids, you're surrounded by coaches. 

00:07:51

So, understand that how your behavior is there is going to be observed by a lot of people. Now, you may be excited, you may be disappointed that something didn't go that way. So, the other factor is understand your emotions, right. And you have to kind of keep those in check. And then I think it's just kind of looking at those things. 

00:08:16

Right. As far as how is your body language, are you cheering for other people? Those are the things that I think are going to have people be more receptive and your kid be more receptive to how you are and how that's going to come across to them. So, I totally agree that there needs to be some sort of education on those things, and I think the more

00:08:43 - Renata

It feels weird because I think people would think that, well, they should just know that, right. But I think we're finding that we probably need to teach parents how to be objective in the whole arena of cheering on their young athlete.

00:09:02 - Matt

Yeah. And I recently have done the last couple of years as far as coaching travel softball for one of my daughter's teams. And one of the things that we discussed with our parent meeting in the beginning of the year that I tried to get across to them was a couple of things that you said was, hey, cheer for all the kids, but don't yell out instructions during the game. It's confusing. Right. 

00:09:26

They need to listen to their coaches, and if they're hearing stuff in the background, they don't know where it's coming from because on a softball field, everybody's close, right. You're kind of right there on top of the action for youth softball. So that was kind of one of the things like just cheer, don't give any coaching direction or don't give any advice when the kids are on the field. 

00:09:45

Obviously no negative comments towards another parent, another player, or the umpires. And one of the big things I really tried to stress with them was whether it's a practice, whether it's a game, don't talk about it and don't ask your child after. Wait till maybe if you have something that you're like, man, I just really want to give them the feedback. 

00:10:09

Wait till the next day after the game. Simply the kids may be excited, they may be frustrated. They're going through these emotions, so it's just let them go through that emotion. And if you're going to ask anything, the simple thing I said was ask them if they had fun or not. That's it. Yeah, right.

00:10:30

And then to follow that up, one of the things that we always talked about was if you really feel the need to ask about something, make it something that was in your child's control and usually that's, hey, did you put in your best effort today? Right. It's something that don't ask them about something that actually in a swimming count, were you trying your hardest or right. 

00:10:56

Did you realize they beat you on those underwaters off that? Well, most likely they probably do. And more than likely their kid was probably trying as hard as they possibly could. And it's something that they're hearing. They don't need to hear that from mom or dad as they leave the pool. Right.

00:11:15 - Renata 

Right, that's great. I think as we're talking about questions, I think one of the big areas that coaches can help with parents is how they reframe their questions, thinking about asking their questions differently, which is what you just alluded to. And I think there's two directions I want to take here. 

00:11:33

One is just about the sport in general or playing sports in general when you're at home, when you're around the dinner table or whatever family time that you guys actually do, or the families actually do. One of the suggestions is to not make it all about swimming.

00:11:51 

That if your only conversation during your one-on-one time or family time to that kid is about swimming, then they feel the pressure that the only thing you care about is swimming. So, ask about other interests, ask about just basics, about their day, and then it just really just solidifies and shows that you're interested in them as a whole kid. 

00:12:19

Again, you would think that this is all common sense, and we really shouldn't have to do this, but we can't help how our kids interpret our questions. I don't think anybody sets out to say, well, I only care to talk to you unless we're talking about swimming. Like no parent is going to sit down and do that. 

00:12:39

I don't think. I don't believe anyways, but we can't help how they interpret that. And if the only conversation you have is about swimming, well, then there's going to be interpreted pressure there. So how do we get them to ensure that they purposefully ask about other aspects of their life? What are some other questions maybe they can ask?

00:13:00 - Matt

Well, and I think it goes back to why did the parents at some point, the parent and the child made a decision that, hey, I want to go into competitive swimming. And these are one of those things you hear, I think a lot when you have conversations with people is parents didn't put their kid in competitive swimming to be an Olympian or be a Division One swimmer. 

00:13:27

They most likely put them in there because they were looking for a healthy way for their kid to spend some time. They were looking for a way for them to follow some more instruction and to kind of learn to be a teammate. There's all these reasons that parents put their kids in those things. 

00:13:47

So, I think it's just focusing on those type things, asking them, what did you learn? Right, and whatever, that when you come home from school, what did you learn in school today? Was it fun? Tell me a funny story about it. Right? Same thing. If you want to talk about swimming, that's one of the things with swimming. Same thing, right? 

00:14:07

Because, again, you alluded to it at the beginning. The research is really heavily pointing towards kids are dropping out of not just swimming. It's in all sports, and it's around that 7th, 8th grade. It really drops because it becomes a little bit more serious at that point, right. 

00:14:26

Like as you're kind of getting ready to go into high school and everybody's comparing themselves to everybody else, and your kid is probably doing a little bit of that. So, they don't need mom and dad necessarily doing that either. They're already probably feeling that pressure. 

00:14:39

So, it's asking them those other questions that really come back to kind of that root of, this is why I put you in it in the first place. I just wanted you to have this was a way for you to become healthier and learn a lot more skills that will be applicable to school and whatever else you do beyond an athletic arena. So, yeah, I think it's focusing on those types of questions.

00:15:06 - Renata

The other thing is just to go back to what you said before is trying not to make your questions about right or wrong or win or lose outcome focus kind of questions. Just try to come up with questions. And you may have to as a parent, and this is what I would recommend coaches do, you might ask a parent to go think about the questions you're going to ask prior to asking them, right, and that they're from the perspective of what did you learn? 

00:15:38

Did you have fun? Those kinds of things that are not about, well, you did this wrong, next time you need to do this because they've already got a coach, right? So, they don't want the extra pressure. They just want support. 

00:15:50

So, I think if the parents could plan a little bit more as far as how they're going to ask some questions that are not so right or wrong, win, lose outcome focused, I think things would go a little bit better. Let's talk about goal setting.

00:16:05 

So typically when coaches are doing goal setting and this is my perspective, so correct me if I'm wrong, since I've never been a coach, this is usually once the kids get a bit older, right? So, in that process, how should parents be involved? What role should they take through that process of being, or do they have any role in the goal setting process?

00:16:35 - Matt

I think this could be tricky because I don't think it's a yes or no necessarily. I think it's very situational. Right. And I've encountered this with my own kids. I've got two daughters that are both in multiple sports. And it's interesting just to see how that different dynamic within whatever they're involved in, how we as parents, my wife and I, how we've had to kind of potentially get involved. 

00:17:06

And the example here is I've got one of my older daughter is in a sport in which she's not necessarily getting that goal setting within her team, the team atmosphere, the coaching, they don't have a very big discussion on goals.

00:17:28

The expectations are kind of not 100% clear, I think, to the kids. So that was a situation in which we as parents kind of set in, because in the offseason, there were some optional practices, but it was kind of like, well, I don't have to be there. It's not really required. 

00:17:51

It wasn't really kind of pushed. And then so we kind of had to sit down and kind of go, okay, well, what are you wanting to get out of this experience? And where would you like to be in a year as far as your skill development and kind of where you're at?

00:18:06 

So, we had to walk her through that a little bit, right, for her to recognize that, okay, well, this is where I want to be, so these are the things that I have to go do. And then the flip side of that is my younger daughter is in an activity where, I mean, goal setting is something that they sit down as a group, they talk about it multiple times a year, and then she's come back home and said, hey, this is what we did in our goal setting sessions. 

00:18:30

And we kind of look at it and go, okay, well, some of these goals are really lofty long term, which is, okay, that's cool, let's just kind of put that on the back burner, kind of keep it in our mind, right? Like, we're not going to really discuss that and the short-term goals, then. 

00:18:46

For us, it was just simply, okay, how are we going to support her to potentially for her to kind of reach those goals, and what are some of the things that we can do to kind of help support her? So, I think if teams are going to go through those exercises, I think it's wonderful if the kids can go home and share what their goal setting experience was with mom and dad again, so they can kind of just be there to support it, right. 

00:19:12

And say, like, okay, here's where you want to be. Here's what we can do as parents to help support you. Right. In those circumstances, I don't think it should be necessarily results that the parents are looking at. They should just be looking at how can we support you? Like, are we going to get you to practice? 

00:19:30

Are there some little extra things that we could be potentially doing for you to help you along? And again, if they have those big aspirations, that's fine, let your kid have the big aspirations, but put that out of your mind and then check in maybe every year or two and just say, maybe it's realistic, maybe it's not, but that's okay. 

00:19:51

Let them kind of go through that process. But I think it is important to have the parents involved in it as far as if the team is going to do a good goal setting exercise, let them go home and share that and let the kids even go home and say, here's where I'm at. 

00:20:10

As a coach, you can kind of explain to that, like, share with your parents the skills that you're really trying to focus on this year that you're trying to get better at. Maybe it's a mental or emotional thing that you're trying to work on that you're trying to improve upon. 

00:20:25

Then let them kind of focus on that part, but kind of leave the actual swimming and the swimming times and stuff. That part, it doesn't really apply to the parent necessarily because they're not going to do anything to be able to change that.

00:20:37 - Renata

Yeah, sure, but I like your outlook on the kid coming home and sharing the goals with the parent and maybe you coaches listening. Maybe part of the process should be how can my parents help me reach my goals? And that's a discussion between the swimmer, swimmers and the coach. 

00:20:58

And then the swimmer can have that or the child can have that conversation with their parent. I mean, I think that would be a great, like, hey, I need to be able to commit to X amount of practices in order to reach this goal, right? So that's where I need your help. Ask me how I'm progressing on my skills, that type of thing. 

00:21:18

I think that would be great. So that's a great step for coaches to take and say, okay, it's not just creating that goal for that group and that swimmer, but it's also creating, how can my parents help me reach my goals I think would be a great conversation.

00:21:34 

So, the next thing I want to talk about is kind of a touchy area and that is allowing kids to experience disappointment. Right. I know for you and I, we are kind of on the same page, but there's a lot of parents that really intellectually understand this and they understand the benefits of being able to learn from things not going well, right? But I have to say a lot of parents really struggle in this area. 

00:22:06

They want to fix, they want to immediately resolve or they go the opposite way, like when something really bad happens and just say it's okay, you did your best. And that's kind of not what the kid wants to hear. The kid knows that they probably didn't do all that great, right? So not everything is a failure. 

00:22:24

And I again, would like the coaches to understand that they should be talking to the parents of disappointment is okay. Not reaching a goal is okay. Failure is okay as long as it comes from the perspective of the child and the parent having an opportunity to learn from that situation. 

00:22:48

So, do you think there's a best way for coaches to talk to parents about this without them getting all riled up? Do you introduce it up front or do you wait for the individual experience to come around and talk directly to the parent then?

00:23:06 - Matt

I don't think it's a bad thing to have that conversation early on. And I think from the coach's side of it and I think from at least here's my personal perspective, I think kids are a lot more resilient than a lot of parents want to think, right? It's like, your kid's going to be okay. They'll bounce back. 

00:23:26

And I think from the coaching side of it, I think whether it's athletics, it's education, building that knowledge is going to come from discomfort, right? I mean, if you're just in a super comfortable situation and you never have to experience anything that's kind of out of your comfort zone, growth is not typically going to happen in that situation, like being exposed to those experiences and having some setbacks, that's where a lot of growth is going to take place. 

00:23:53

And I think that for coaches, that's just the simple way of explaining that swimming is a sport, that there's going to be a lot of tough times, right? There's going to be a lot of tough training that happens. And I think a lot of times for parents, the hard part with swimming, if they don't have a background in it, is understanding that, hey, my kid just put in all this work and they don't see an immediate result. 

00:24:24

Well, swimming is not a sport of immediate results, as you know. And I think that's something to I think for let the coaches kind of explain that and just say, like, there's going to be a lot of hard training we're going to do and you're not going to see the results right away. 

00:24:39

And there may be a season where it just doesn't come together, but that doesn't mean that they're not learning for that next experience. And at some point it's going to happen. And that's where I think I think if you can focus the goals and a lot of things on a lot of growth areas outside of just swimming a time, I think that's where it's easier to see those measurables, where it's like, hey, you know what?

00:25:08 

Maybe I didn't swim my best time this year, but, man, I got a whole lot better at this. Or it's, hey, I had a bad raise. And man, I used to just really struggle after having a bad swim, and it would take me till the next day to kind of get over it, where now it's like, I can kind of put that out of my head and focus on the next race I have in that same session that I had.

00:25:33 

So, there's things like that that I think are where we need to kind of focus in on and for coaches to explain to parents how the overall of having setbacks, how it's going to help them at some point. And heck, maybe it's not in the pool, maybe it's in school or in a social situation. 

00:25:53

So, there's a lot and I think that's what as we said, you're putting your kid in there for some reason. And I think for coaches having that holistic view on things and I think that most coaches do have that view and it's just sharing that with parents is the key.

00:26:09 - Renata

That's it right there, sharing it with the parents, right. I mean, if I were to go back to the conference we attended in Pennsylvania with Middle Atlantic Sswimming and ASCA one of the things that came up was that parents just assume, because when their kids were younger in swimming, they could literally drop 15 seconds in an event. 

00:26:32

And they just assumed that that's how it's always going to be when as they get bigger and better, you're probably looking at 15 tenths. That's the reality of them improving. Right, or that they improved in a technique which actually will make them a little bit slower while they're progressing and learning that technique, but they did it correctly and then it will result in better times later. You know.

00:26:58

But I treat it like levels, right? So, when you're little, you're going to drop massive amounts of time and then as you get older, it's less and less time. And then as you get through your senior years, you're like top of the game, doing really good, and then they go into college and you're back at the bottom again. So, I always feel like swimming has these rungs. 

00:27:19

Yeah, you get over it, but then you're back at the bottom of the next one, and then you get over it, and then you're back at the bottom of the next one. So, I think maybe my advice to coaches would be parents need to understand that and explain it. 

00:27:33

Again, we can't assume that just because the coaches know it or we know it coming up through swimming, that parents understand that we probably should do a better job of getting that information across to the parents.

00:27:46 - Matt

And I think the other thing that's hard and for me now, I've got kids who are going into the teenage years, and one of the realizations has been this also, that I kind of had when I was coaching at the university level was as your kids growing, there's a lot of other different pressures that are starting to build around them. 

00:28:06

And there's different factors as well. Right? So, your eating habits, your sleeping habits, as the kids start to become a little bit more independent, some of those things change, right. And potentially the amount of homework that's on them. So, there's all these other factors that potentially lead into, hey, my kid put in this great year of training. 

00:28:25

Well, maybe it was just a really stressful time leading up to those big meets, and they just weren't on top of their game because of all this other stuff going on. And that was one of the things for me, I realized with the university kids. And one of the things as a younger coach laughed at a little bit internally was a boyfriend or a girlfriend situation would sometimes arise and you're like, thinking, man, just kind of get over it. 

00:28:52

Let's just move past it. Well, at the time, that has a huge impact on those kids lives. So, I mean, that's a lot of stress that you have to realize, okay, hey, this is what they're experiencing. This is their world right now. This is going to have an impact on things. And you have to understand that that is going to potentially have a big effect on performance. 

00:29:14

And that's okay. Right? That's okay. Again, going back to everything's, a learning experience, how do we handle it? How do we get better for them? What skills can we teach as a coach to prepare them for potentially the next time that something arises that hey has them a little bit off?

00:29:31 - Renata

Yeah. And how we handle scenarios is not how our kids or any other kid is going to handle a scenario. So, while a breakup might not have affected me, but it could greatly affect my kid in their sport, and you have to just be understanding of that scenario. So yeah, it's a good point. All right, before I move into the last question, I want to just share a little bit about Your Sports Resources consulting. 

00:30:00

So, navigating the intricate dynamics between boards, coaches, and clubs can be really challenging. Perhaps you sense a growing distance from your board, or maybe your coaches can't seem to connect between themselves. You might even be a club that's succeeding, yet you're eager to elevate to the next level but unsure where to begin. 

00:30:22

Or you may be a college program that has a really good dynamic coaching team, but not all your administrative items are getting done. So, we at Your Sports Resource are a values-based organization where we bridge that gap and provide you with tangible solutions. Our team of advisors, comprised of former swimmers and coaches, not only understand the unique challenges you face, but we've also lived them ourselves with our combined experience. 

00:30:54

We're dedicated to helping clubs and university programs like yours thrive. So, book an introductory call just to have a conversation to see if we can help you. You can find all that information at www.yoursportsresource.com. All right, last question, and that's about the university at the university level. So, something I sent out in a newsletter earlier in the year and I tried to find the exact quote and the coach who actually said it and I was not successful.

00:31:24 

But I'm going to paraphrase. So, I saw this on, I believe it was on Instagram, but I saw a coach that said something like, when I'm recruiting and I'm going through that recruiting process, one of the things that I pay attention to at a meet is how a parent is behaving in the stands. Are they behaving poorly? 

00:31:46

And I guess the thing is the word poorly, behaving poorly could mean a myriad of different things, right. So, it could be just that they're pissy and complaining, it could be they’re shouting directions, whatever it is. But what he said was that I pay very close attention to how they behave in the stands because I don't want that parent behind me at the university level. 

00:32:16

So, what I want to toss over to you, Matt, is when you were recruiting swimmers, how did parents play into your recruiting process? Did you pay attention to that? Should coaches pay attention to that? And is there messaging that we need to give our club coaches that they can give to parents to help the kids transition into university level instead of not hindering them being targeted by a certain university?

00:32:46 - Matt

Yeah. And I think as club coaches, one of the things you kind of need to start taking on is giving the kids the education a little bit on hey, if you don't know, figure out like, hey, what's the recruiting process? Right? Get those kids to be the ones that are the driving force of that and let them take that on because this is the next step. Right. 

00:33:06

They're young adults at that point and that's what the coaches want to see as far as on the college level. Right. The university coaches want to see that. Hey. Because the reality of it is they're coming into a situation where they're immediately, they're living on their own, they're responsible for themselves.

00:33:25

And the coaches need to be confident that they're going to come in and be able to handle the academics, the social aspect and the swimming aspect. But 100%, right. You're going to look at the parents, right? As much as it may sound bad, there's going to be a lot of influence there, right. So how the parents are it's going to potentially influence the kids. 

00:33:48

Nobody wants that parent behind you when you're standing on the pool deck and nobody wants that parent representing their team because they're going to have your team shirt on most likely, and they're going to be cheering for you want to eliminate that. But I mean, you really want the kids to because this is that point, right.

00:34:10 

And you were throwing out the statistics where I think the NCAA just put something out in around 2020 where it's 30% of kids going into the university athletics are not finishing, so they're dropping out of their sport at some point in those four years. 

00:34:27

Again, it typically comes back to lack of fun or it's, hey, this is a lot more work than I thought it was going to be because I don't know if I had a realistic mindset going into that. They start getting interested in other things. So, the parents have to let the kids go and make those choices at that point because they're the ones who are living the day to day. So as a college coach, yeah, you want the kid to be the one who's driving it now. You need the parents there at times, right. 

00:34:59

You're trying to build that relationship with the athlete, understanding if that athlete is going to fit into your program, if there's someone you want in your program as far as their attitude, how they're going to approach things. But the reality of it is we can't just say, hey, we don't want mom and dad involved at all, right. 

00:35:18

Because there's a financial aspect of it that mom and dad are probably helping contribute to. There's other things that they're contributing to. So, you do want to sit down with mom and dad at some point too, and kind of get their perception on things and honestly see what types of questions they're asking, right. 

00:35:35

Hey, are they questions that are concerned with the support their kids going to get and potentially what the learning opportunities may be or I'm all into this swimming thing. I want to know what you're doing, how you're doing it from a training standpoint when reality of it is they have no idea what more than likely have no idea what the actual training impacts have on their kids or not. 

00:36:04

Again, it's a little bit of both, right? You want the kid to be the one in the driver's seat and mom and dad are kind of along for the ride there. But they do need to be there as well.

00:36:18 - Renata

Yeah. And they need to be conscious that just like the entire throughout their entire sporting career, you have to be conscious of how your behavior in the stands or on the field, whatever it is, is reflecting back on that kid.

00:36:33 

But even more so if your kid is really trying to continue on with their sport into uni and coaches are paying attention from the university level that you've really got to keep yourself in check on how you behave, I would assume. 

00:36:52

Answer me, did you ask coaches about how the parent was not just at meets, but just in general? Did you ask the questions or of the kids club coach at that time, like how active or how involved? What are the parents like?

00:37:10 - Matt

Oh, 100%. Yeah. You want to know? Because that coach has probably more than likely have had exposure to the athlete and their family for multiple years. More than likely in most cases than not, unless the kids have changed programs or they literally move from one place to another as coaches, by the time those kids are, if they're probably ready to go on and they're going to be college athletes, they've probably known the family for four or five plus years. So that's a huge insight, obviously, that you're not going to get anywhere else.

00:37:54 - Renata

Yeah. So, I think coaches should tell the parents that, like, listen, if you have aspirations of your kid going to school or your kid wants to go to school, there are certain things you need to be aware of that could hinder your child landing in a program. I don't think it's the only factor, but it doesn't help if they're not behaving themselves and behaving in the capacity of a really good role model or a supportive parent, right?

00:38:20 - Matt

 Yes.

00:38:21 - Renata

All right, so I wanted to let the audience know that we have a document on the website, yoursportsresource.com that's called Excel at Being a Swim Parent. There's a lot of great information within the document, and you may find that you love it, or you may find that you only love bits and pieces of it. 

00:38:37

But either way, maybe it's an opportunity for you to take that information and create something specific for your club that you can give to your parents. It's free, it's on the website. Just download it and adapt it for your club. Again. It's called excel at being a swim parent. All right, Matt, any last thoughts before I close out.

00:38:59 - Matt

Again? I think it's just let your kids have fun with it, right? It's about fun and growth and learning, and when it becomes more about winning and losing and having these grand thoughts for your kid, that's when the fun starts to most likely kind of fall away for them.

00:39:22 - Renata

And for the coaches listening, I really just. Listen, I know you got a lot of administrative things on your list of things to do, but I think this right here, training your parents to be good role models and behaving properly will remove a lot of problems that you face with your parents, even down to basic communications on deck between you or that kids coach and themselves. So, if you could be a little plan this process and get out in front of expectations for parents, I think things will go much easier.

00:40:00 – Matt

You can share our podcast with them.

00:40:03 - Renata

Yeah. There you go. There you go. That's great. All right, thank you for listening. And please subscribe, rate and review this podcast so we can reach a bigger audience and help others, such as yourself. And don't forget to visit the website www.yoursportsresource.com, where you can find articles and tools, as well as much more information on how we can work with you directly. Finally, remember, what is common sense always isn't common practice. Put what you learn into action. Don't just be good, be good at it. All right, thanks, everybody.