Can happiness be our default state? Join Dr. Tami and Harold as they challenge this widespread belief and unpack the unrealistic expectations society places on us. Through candid discussions, they reveal how the pursuit of constant happiness can lead to stress and disappointment. Listen as Harold shares a touching moment of joy playing with his son, which highlights the sporadic nature of happiness and how it often appears when least expected. Dr. Tammy explains how true contentment stems from feeling calm and safe, rather than perpetually happy.
Discover the intricate dynamics between pride and happiness in our next segment. Dr. Tammy and Harold delve into how pride in our achievements can stand alone, separate from the fleeting sensation of happiness. They stress the importance of embracing a full spectrum of emotions instead of being fixated on happiness. This nuanced understanding is especially crucial in relationships, where expecting constant happiness can create undue pressure. By navigating various emotions together, couples can foster a healthier, more resilient connection.
In the final part of the episode, we dissect the difference between genuine happiness and temporary euphoria. Dr. Tammy and Harold caution against external means like drugs or alcohol for seeking joy, as these often lead to short-lived highs rather than true fulfillment. They also tackle the evolution of our eating habits, pointing out how modern consumption has shifted from survival to pleasure, which has contributed to addictive behaviors. This discussion sets the stage for future conversations about how these habits impact our overall well-being. Join us for a thought-provoking conversation that aims to reshape your understanding of happiness and the effort required to attain it.
Your support matters to us! Please give us a follow on each of our platforms to stay updated on what we're doing at PsychologistSay.
Can happiness be our default state? Join Dr. Tami and Harold as they challenge this widespread belief and unpack the unrealistic expectations society places on us. Through candid discussions, they reveal how the pursuit of constant happiness can lead to stress and disappointment. Listen as Harold shares a touching moment of joy playing with his son, which highlights the sporadic nature of happiness and how it often appears when least expected. Dr. Tammy explains how true contentment stems from feeling calm and safe, rather than perpetually happy.
Discover the intricate dynamics between pride and happiness in our next segment. Dr. Tammy and Harold delve into how pride in our achievements can stand alone, separate from the fleeting sensation of happiness. They stress the importance of embracing a full spectrum of emotions instead of being fixated on happiness. This nuanced understanding is especially crucial in relationships, where expecting constant happiness can create undue pressure. By navigating various emotions together, couples can foster a healthier, more resilient connection.
In the final part of the episode, we dissect the difference between genuine happiness and temporary euphoria. Dr. Tammy and Harold caution against external means like drugs or alcohol for seeking joy, as these often lead to short-lived highs rather than true fulfillment. They also tackle the evolution of our eating habits, pointing out how modern consumption has shifted from survival to pleasure, which has contributed to addictive behaviors. This discussion sets the stage for future conversations about how these habits impact our overall well-being. Join us for a thought-provoking conversation that aims to reshape your understanding of happiness and the effort required to attain it.
Your support matters to us! Please give us a follow on each of our platforms to stay updated on what we're doing at PsychologistSay.
The following is a series of candid conversations. The content is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for seeking help from a mental health care professional. To learn more info regarding additional disclaimers, privacy policies and terms and conditions, please visit HelloDrTammycom.
Speaker 2:
Bonjour. You're listening to Psychologist Say, a podcast where I talk about the psychology of everyday living. I'm your host, dr Tammy, and I'm joined by my production team, harold. How are you doing, harold?
Speaker 1:
I'm doing wonderful. How are you, Dr Tammy?
Speaker 2:
I'm good, I'm excited. Today I want to talk about one word. What's that word? Happiness, oh okay. All right.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, she's happiness. Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 2:
Let's do it Okay. So I think that's the word that in my line of work and everything that I've done and the people I've worked with, that is a number one statement that I hear is I just want to be happy.
Speaker 1:
Right. I imagine most people around the world that's what their, you know what their goal is. I suppose just looking for happiness, and even if you're in a dark is, I suppose, just looking for happiness, even if you're in a dark place, I suppose.
Speaker 2:
Right, and so it's. One of the things that I've had to tell people is that it's almost as if it's an entitlement or a guarantee.
Speaker 1:
Happiness is a guarantee.
Speaker 2:
No, I think. We think that it should be oh right, okay, there you, okay, okay, yeah. So it's almost like we should be happy. That's the default. So if I'm not happy, I'm broken. Okay.
Speaker 1:
So you know the default yeah, I should always be happy, I should always be in a state of happiness, that's what people want.
Speaker 2:
Because I'm alive, I should be happy.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, that's not, that sounds impossible.
Speaker 2:
And it is.
Speaker 1:
Okay.
Speaker 2:
But that somehow has been the default, the expectation.
Speaker 1:
How did it become? I mean, I guess that's an unanswerable question, but how did it become the default? Why do we expect that?
Speaker 2:
That's what I'm curious about. Yeah, okay, and part of it is I think it's part of what we've been told that just be happy or I'm seeking happiness. It's just this word happy, happy and it's overused. There are so many other words that we could probably use in different moments of our life that could help us release that pressure of I just want to be happy.
Speaker 1:
I understand that the goal for most people is to be happy as much as possible, but, yeah, the idea of it being the default doesn't yeah.
Speaker 2:
I guess I don't understand that part of it personally, right, yet it's probably your default. I just want to be happy. I want to do what makes me happy.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean I do have those thoughts where it's like, yeah, I do just want to be happy, I want to be happy as much as possible, but I mean I'm going to go through other emotions. I understand that, right, yeah.
Speaker 2:
But that's what the piece of saying. I just want to be happy, I want to do what makes me happy. At the end of the day. I just want to be happy, and I think this is something where in society we need to address that.
Speaker 1:
Okay, oh, you're thinking big picture right here. Yes, big picture, big picture, okay, well, okay. So I I definitely agree with you like through um in society nowadays, like you will hear that word quite a bit right and uh, people do expect that. You know their default would be like just happiness like they're disappointed, that they're not happy. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Because it's an expectation.
Speaker 1:
Okay, well, I guess what would be your prescription for that.
Speaker 2:
Oh, good question. So I think the prescription for that is what does it take to be happy, and I believe it's work. Yeah. So it's not the default, it's not the entitlement, it's not the natural. It's natural for us to feel calm and safe. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
That's not happiness.
Speaker 2:
That doesn't mean emotional happiness. Yeah, that doesn't mean emotional happiness. So the default for our nervous system is meant to be calm, safe, secure, versus agitated, hypervigilant, stressed and anxious.
Speaker 1:
But it is natural to be anxious sometimes.
Speaker 2:
Right, like we've talked, like the public speaking fight or flight? Yeah, exactly. Yet the default is supposed to be calm, rest, and only anxious, nervous, fearful, during times of stress or danger, of stress or danger, and so that's that expectation to say yes, my body was supposed to be built this way, versus geez.
Speaker 1:
Somebody told me I'm supposed to be happy and I'm not.
Speaker 2:
And that could lead to maybe even more unhappiness. Bingo Okay, yes, okay, there you go. So I'm saying yes, it's okay to say well, I should feel calm and safe. You know, my body was meant, my nervous system was meant, to be mainly set on calm, unless I'm under extreme stress and danger. And then it turns on. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
But our body wasn't set emotionally to happy. We only, we'll only feel that. You know, now and then.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I guess I don't I mean really, and I'll think about when was the last time you truly felt a moment of just utter happiness? Think right now.
Speaker 1:
Oh, utter happiness. Wow, oh, probably yesterday, when I was playing with my son.
Speaker 2:
Okay, awesome, tell me a little bit more.
Speaker 1:
Oh, you know, I just watch him run around. He'll take his shirt off and grab the water hose and spray it all over, and he likes to make rainbows with the shower setting on our thing, and it's just, I don't know.
Speaker 2:
I guess in that moment to yeah, I've been feeling my happiness, Okay, so in that moment did you know you were experiencing extreme happiness?
Speaker 1:
No, I was just living it.
Speaker 2:
You were living it Okay, beautiful, and so now, when you think back, how do you feel about that moment? Now, when you think back, how do you?
Speaker 1:
feel about that moment. I feel good. I wouldn't say I'm. I guess it does bring some like a glimmer of happiness. Okay, within me, sure.
Speaker 2:
Okay, joy, yeah, joy, yeah, okay. I mean, these are just other words. I'm thinking of yeah, and so how long do you think it lasted? I know you were really in the moment, but Just within that moment probably.
Speaker 2:
Within that moment. Yeah, okay, and this is the tough part, when I explain to people we have these wonderful moments of true happiness, like wonderful moments of true happiness, and it's definitely better to be experiencing them and almost not be aware, because that means you were so into it that, uh, you didn't even think like, oh my gosh, I'm so happy right now yeah and um, but it was brief and look what it took to get you there what it took.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, like you just being around the well, the person I love the most, probably, or definitely, uh, I mean, that's what it took.
Speaker 2:
I suppose it took you to be present yes yeah, it is, and it took your son you to have. He was there, yep. You were fully aware of what he was doing. You were consumed by it. He was probably feeling joy, excitement. It sounds like he was playing. Oh yeah, he loves that. Put in to be there with him to be part of that allowed you to feel that level of what you said, happiness or goodness whatever.
Speaker 2:
So that's where, when I tell people happiness takes work, and I always show a picture of a maze, because we can't just wake up and say, well, I, I choose happiness. Right, I create happiness by moments okay.
Speaker 1:
So I got, I got another example. I guess one thing I liked, I enjoyed this doesn't have to do with family or anything, or like those really intense, uh, happy moments. Uh, it's when, like say, I'm working on something and I create something, right? Uh, you know, maybe I'm like for a long time I've worked in a manufacturing facility and whenever that thing we manufactured comes out, I just like taking a step back and looking at it and in that moment, after I do the work, I just, you know, in that moment I I do feel happy, I feel, I guess, pride, pride.
Speaker 2:
Okay, yeah, so pride probably more than happiness.
Speaker 1:
Hmm, that's a good question. Yeah, maybe it is pride more than happiness. I guess I wouldn't Well tell me what does pride mean to you? I guess, like there's two aspects of it where, say, in that moment I just described, like there is like a feeling of happiness and I feel good about myself, but I also know, like I'm also aware that, like too much pride can have a lot of negative aspects to it. I guess that's how I, when I think of pride, that's kind of a little bit of a danger zone.
Speaker 1:
There can. Oh, there's absolutely a danger zone.
Speaker 2:
Okay. So now that you're thinking about it, though, did you feel pride Because you created something?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I definitely did.
Speaker 2:
Okay, and is that okay for you to feel that now that you're beautiful, right? So this is part of the work where maybe all day I wasn't happy, but, boy, I had this really proud moment and I, just I felt it. I didn't let it consume me, I didn't let it. You know, it was again a moment of pride in what I have accomplished and what I have accomplished.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean yeah, that's exactly what that feeling is, I suppose. So I guess my question for you right now is there's pride and then there's happiness, and in that moment we were talking about how do we differentiate what's, what? Are they combined? In that moment, am I feeling happiness or is it just pride?
Speaker 2:
I mean, we can feel multiple things.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
But what you're starting to do is realize happy is not the term for everything. Yeah. And so if we can be more realistic in what we're doing, sometimes I feel very proud of what I've created and it still doesn't. I still don't feel happy inside. Oh.
Speaker 2:
So, but I can feel accomplished, I can feel fulfilled, but I wouldn't describe it as a happiness. When I'm, when I'm truly like, um, something has touched me so deep and all I can feel is some kind of joy. Okay, and it has nothing to do with what I created or I achieved, so that's, uh, like a like that, like sitting and watching your kids, just laying, you know, relaxing, on the couch, you know, with my husband, and just feeling a sense of how I'm happy right now. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:
I guess. Yeah, I'm still having, I guess.
Speaker 2:
And there's no right or wrong. It's this is the good conversation that we're having for people to start to say gosh. That to me does feel like a lot of pressure that I expect to be happy and when I'm not, I feel like I'm not, I'm doing something wrong. Yeah. Or I'm supposed to be changing it up to to make myself feel happy when there are so many other emotions that we can be creating in a day that are all very normal and acceptable and good.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be, like you said, happy shouldn't be the default and we can feel other things and, and we need to and we need to accept them right that's.
Speaker 2:
That's part of going, that's part of the reality of life. Is that with emotions, we tend to stick to the big ones I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm what else is there? I'm jealous. Even jealous is one I don't think we bring up enough.
Speaker 1:
Oh, okay.
Speaker 2:
So sad, mad, happy, bored, you know, whatever these emotions are, there are so many more, and so when we are focused on this broad concept of I just want to be happy, we're really limiting what we could actually be feeling throughout the day and enjoying just all these real feelings that are within a day.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, embrace it all.
Speaker 2:
Embracing it, yeah, and really then holding on to those true moments of happiness and understanding the difference.
Speaker 1:
So as far as like understanding that, you know happiness shouldn't be the default, but society has kind of pushed that idea on us in a way. Would you agree with that? Yes, okay, how do I guess? Hmm, when was I going with this? Well, how?
Speaker 2:
about the phrase where I said well, happiness takes work.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, it definitely probably does. I mean.
Speaker 2:
So already then it's like that's the way to say okay, so it's not the default, it's not expected. What makes me happy and what am I doing to create this feeling?
Speaker 1:
So, okay, I remember where I was going with this. So, for the people that have the expectation of happiness and they don't feel happy all the time because it's not possible, could they in some way be putting themselves at risk of doing things they think will make them happy because they want to be happy?
Speaker 2:
Yes, okay, yes, and just at risk of feeling worse because they're not achieving what they think is possible. Happiness, just a word. I just want to be happy. And that's where changing that up a bit to say, well, I want to have more happy moments.
Speaker 1:
Oh yeah, that's realistic.
Speaker 2:
That's realistic.
Speaker 1:
Yeah.
Speaker 2:
I want to have a better day today than I did yesterday. Yeah, I want to feel excitement about something today.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it's a little more specific and achievable rather than. I just want to be happy, then I just want to be.
Speaker 2:
It's so vague, right yeah, and I think this can not happy. Then I just want to be Right, yeah, and I think this can not only help individuals, but it can help anybody who's in a relationship, because what a difficult pressure cooker if your goal in your relationship is just to be happy. Be happy. If that's something that we cannot achieve 100% of the time for ourselves, why would we put that as our criteria for our relationship or our marriage?
Speaker 1:
or our yeah 100% I just want to be happy in this marriage or this Yep, just happy all the time, yeah and then, yeah, we have that expectation of ourselves, but when we start putting it on other people, it can be really difficult for everybody involved.
Speaker 2:
Because it's again, it's relying on this relationship to make us make me happy, make us happy. That's the type of work that you're seeing. If now I'm having this conversation and I'm embracing all of these other emotions, then wouldn't that be the same in my relationship, that we go through emotions together the same way we go through them individually? We're going to have moments of rage, disappointment, shame, anger, jealousy. Love, happiness, excitement, exhilaration.
Speaker 1:
You know everything that comes with it yeah and sometimes you can have all those in one damn day oh right, oh, that's a roller coaster, but yeah, yeah, it's nothing possible.
Speaker 2:
And then so, if you are able to see that your relationship, that's the realistic expectation. There's no default of let's just choose happiness, it's. Let's make our moments make them count.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, live in the moment and just live, live, I guess live in the moment, make moments count.
Speaker 2:
Uh, cherish when you're you are having a true moment of happiness, and you may start to notice the difference between. Well, what's happiness mean to me?
Speaker 1:
oh, that yeah. Happiness could be different for everybody.
Speaker 2:
I mean it is 100% Like if I would have anybody who was sitting across from me when I said, when was your last happy moment? It had nothing to do with society at large or whatever was scripted. You went to your happy moment and it was with watching your son play outside, right, yeah, so that's, that's happiness, what? Whatever our moments are, that crew that are created through us for another dad, they might. They might have had that same moment, maybe even yesterday. It was beautiful out, yep, and maybe they had a son that was playing in the, you know, just in the water and the sprinkler, and they saw it. They were, yeah, but maybe it wasn't the same. They didn't stop and have that moment of oh boy, I'm really enjoying watching my son having fun.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, I do, but that kind of makes me a little sad.
Speaker 2:
Well, I mean, that's your moment.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Speaker 2:
This person may have said boy, I was really happy yesterday. Yeah, my kid was playing outside, but I was mowing the grass and I felt good, I could smell the, you know.
Speaker 1:
And that would be a pride thing kind of. Well, no, no, Okay, no that's his happiness.
Speaker 2:
Oh, that's what. I'm yeah. So it's not a like oh, I feel bad for that. You know that kid or that guy. Yeah. It's. It's that's what made him happy that that moment yeah, he was. You know, that's. That was maybe what I get, so relaxed. When I'm I'm cutting grass and I can smell the grass, I'm um, you know, I'm taking care of the lawn, the sun's out, it's kid's playing, you know, in the water and the grass.
Speaker 1:
He's in his own moment, he's in his own moment.
Speaker 2:
There you go. Okay, so that's how people try to use the word happiness, as if it's scripted. Yeah, that we all have the same prescription to create happiness. Yeah, I think you might have even asked me something about right, how do you prescribe?
Speaker 1:
that, or how do you? Oh yeah, what's the prescription for? Like, was it the society? I guess like.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, how do we start to?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, how do we move from just be happy to you know, enjoy your own happiness when it comes up, I guess?
Speaker 2:
Yes, and that. I think that's that's the piece of saying wow, okay, and our listeners now can say, okay, when was the last time I truly felt like a level of happiness? Yeah, how long did it last, you know? And okay, so that was my, that was a moment. Gosh, I enjoyed that. And then we start to see that life, you know, mostly we're living, we're getting through, we're busy, we have some stress, we have some sadness, we have a lot of longing and desires and unfulfilled things. So most times I think we're kind of in anguish, trying to get somewhere, and so that's where we can say well, maybe that's part of the way it is and I have these moments of happiness, or where I'm content. There's another word, content. I think a lot of people just forget to look for. Well, I'm content right now Doesn't mean I'm just happy and full of joy and energy, but I'm so content I don't want for anything right in this moment, so correct me if I'm off here.
Speaker 1:
But so instead of like, just be happy, it's just be content.
Speaker 2:
Well, just Would that be better. Well.
Speaker 1:
Or is that not quite right I?
Speaker 2:
can take content. I would I love content If I could be content. Yeah, right. Yeah love content if I could be content. Yeah, right, yeah, so that's that acceptance of all of these different emotions and not, and and I'll be all of one. That's kind of like even that dichotomy of either or either I'm happy or then I'm sad. Yeah, but this is where, um, I'm choosing to identify moments of happiness and realize that I can create, I can try to create more moments, but it has to be by my definition of what's happiness.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, your definition yeah.
Speaker 2:
And then I want to be more present, to understand all of the other emotions, so I can appreciate them.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, so like maybe one day you Satisfied.
Speaker 2:
How about the last time you just felt satisfied. That's not content, just satisfied.
Speaker 1:
There's a whole lot of words for using, like pride, content, satisfied. One word that kind of popped in my head was like euphoria, which isn't happiness, it's kind of like an. I think it was like a intense, intense feeling.
Speaker 2:
Excitement, yeah, excitement, yes, like I guess well, when's the last time you felt euphoric?
Speaker 1:
oh uh, last weekend we'll say yeah, that. Okay, I guess, what would you? We're using all these words. How would you define happiness? I know, like I understand, happiness is different for everybody. Like, if you could use a few words to like describe it, what would you?
Speaker 2:
It's a feeling from the inside. Okay. Uh, it's a feeling of bright. Bright, it's a feeling of gratitude. Uh, and remember, this is me.
Speaker 1:
Yeah yeah, everyone's definition could be a little different.
Speaker 2:
Yep, it's where I could just smile. I'm smiling and it feels real. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Feels real.
Speaker 2:
It's real Okay, and I'm not wanting for anything, and it's a feeling that is so internal, it's almost like in my stomach or in my gut yeah, okay and it's something I can't create anytime, any other time it has to be like a natural, in a way natural yeah and it feels so flippin wonderful.
Speaker 2:
It's not euphoria yeah it is and that's why it's those rare beautiful moments when you really tap into that happiness feeling and you sit and say what just created that for me? And then you capture it. You know you, because you want that memory. Those are the good memories. So when you want, you know, when you want to feel, you want to pull out those happy memories yeah not just positive memories.
Speaker 2:
You know right, we want some moments that we can pull up in our brain, like the one that you talked about, and it will create that feeling of happiness as if we were there Same thing as a negative memory. It'll pull it up as if we're there. So why don't we start exchanging these memories to create a feeling of safe happiness, a gut feeling of I'm so, I'm happy. Right now, I really feel this genuine happiness inside of me.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, okay, yeah, okay. Just this conversation, I, I would have to rethink about what happiness is to me, to you, yeah, to me, yeah, there you go like, I guess, like the way you described it, there are some similarities, the way I, I see happiness for myself, but there are like some subtle differences. I guess I would say and isn't that the key point of?
Speaker 2:
yet we use the term as if it applies the same to everybody.
Speaker 1:
And it does.
Speaker 2:
No, and I think then people can achieve happiness on their own level, once they understand that what moments truly bring out that internal? You know, this is something. You can't fake it, you can't, you know, produce it. It's happening, it's a reaction to what's going on around you and it feels so good, like a lightness.
Speaker 1:
A lightness yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I can agree with that.
Speaker 2:
And it's natural, you know, and it's sometimes it's just like wow, I'm wow.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and it doesn't have to be associated with, like you know, achieving things or you know like say okay, okay, I guess where I'm going is there's happiness and can we, is there only, can we become only so happy, or is there like oh, I believe you can, you can, there's no limit right, there's no limit no, okay there's no limit.
Speaker 2:
So it's what do I do in my life, or in moments to it, to create more Mm-hmm? You just don't get like here's life and here's this boom. You get happiness, and with little moments of sadness, with little times of struggle, but mainly you are I'm going to label you a happy person.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, but like we said, that's not.
Speaker 2:
That's not you know. So if most people create, they're creating their happiness, whether they know they're very aware of it. Some people just are natural where they're living more like that. They're more internally aware of the things that makes them happy. So they do more of those things, just naturally.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but are they more aware that these things make them happy than maybe other people are? But are they more aware that these things make them happy?
Speaker 2:
than maybe other people are. Yeah, I think some people have much better insight into what's good for them, what makes them feel certain ways, and then, like I think there was a question you asked, where could people be seeking and doing things that they think will make them happy, but they're actually maybe hurting them? So I think that, yes, I think those people exist, but they think, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:
So I guess. So the people that think they're doing something, for example, okay, let's take someone who's in a really bad spot and they think let's say, drugs makes them happy and maybe for a brief, well, it may not make them happy at all because we talked about, like, say, euphoria, some drugs will make people feel euphoric. They're not feeling happy, they're feeling euphoric.
Speaker 2:
There you go.
Speaker 1:
And they're not, you know. And then that comes with. You know all kinds of other types of emotion, but happiness actually isn't one of them, or it might be, but you know, I guess.
Speaker 2:
And that's. But that's the piece of it where that they're maybe adding something I said. This kind of this happens naturally Like you're around, you do the work, but it's happening, so you taking a moment to really watch your son and just enjoy that moment. That was work for you. You had to stop and do that, and so people who are then seeking and this could be with food, drugs, smoke, anything that we want to do. We think it'll help us be happier or feel happy for a little bit. Again, that's like gosh. Am I able to create this without this? Yeah.
Speaker 2:
That's where you start to question oh boy, so this is something that I would have to do this exact thing, and I'm kind of changing something about my biology to make me feel happy or euphoric. Yeah. So that's where they start to say, ooh, am I doing a? I'm trying to force a happiness by putting something that isn't just, it's not just happening, it's not natural. Yeah, we're forcing it, I'm forcing it, yeah. So therefore, what is that? Is that true? Is that a feeling of true happiness, or is it just an exchange of chemicals?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it definitely. I guess it isn't happiness at all An exchange of chemicals, happiness at all in exchange of chemicals.
Speaker 2:
But that's where that's the point of people are really seeking happiness. They're seeking relief from pain. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
Whatever they're seeking to, maybe not feel at all. They're seeking a break from emotion, sometimes, yeah, and so they don't. They may not. They may be very aware that you know, going out and um, drinking too much and going on a bender does nothing to make them happy, but it maybe helps them not feel for a while and not pain or whatever's going on. Yep yeah it. It can maybe take them away from what's happening in their life and give them maybe just a break.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, which might not be bad, but like we're talking about, you're not reaching true happiness. It's something else A break content.
Speaker 2:
You're adding something to try to, so it's the same thing, like with and we're. The good thing is we're getting into a little bit of what we're going to be talking about this season, where we're talking about substance use or addictive behaviors.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, that'll be, and so, yeah, we're kind of we're.
Speaker 2:
We're kind of going into that territory right now, which is which is good, because we'll be able to talk about it much more, and this is part of thinking, though, anything that we are doing to forcefully change our mood is what I think you're kind of getting at, and is that true happiness if it's I think you're kind of getting at, and is that true happiness If it's something that could be bad for us? Eating is a huge oh yeah, yes, you know, oh this makes me so happy.
Speaker 1:
Yeah. And maybe I guess for me, you know, it's like in the moment, like, say, I get a burger from five guys or something, and you know, while I'm eating it I feel, I guess what would you say that emotion is?
Speaker 2:
Well, you tell me, maybe you haven't examined it.
Speaker 1:
I guess I haven't.
Speaker 2:
And that's why I love you know. I hope our listeners, you know, pay attention, because this is all of us. Yep. And we don't know what about our behavior is just driving us. Yeah. And so does the burger make you happy. You just said no, but boy, I felt something.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, in the moment of me eating it, especially the first bite, if you're really hungry, it's like, oh, I needed this.
Speaker 2:
Right.
Speaker 1:
And I maybe didn't need it, but I really, really wanted it, wanted it. Yeah, right, yeah, right yeah.
Speaker 2:
And then so there's all kinds of words to say, well, I wasn't happy, but, boy, I was satisfied, satisfied. Hmm, I was. Yeah, I mean, there's so many, there's so many words, there's so many. I keep going to the same ones, but I was fulfilled. I was, you know, and it is a chemical reaction, a change. When we eat something, you know the food and the smell.
Speaker 1:
You know, smells go straight to a certain part of your brain when I'm on a diet and I go to Texas Roadhouse and they have those little buns, the bun, right? And it's so hard to not eat those things, right yeah. And it's so hard to not eat those things, right, yeah, and see many people eat because they want that temporary high, that buzz from just that wonderful sensation of eating smelling good food. You know all of this stuff and like to a degree a lot of.
Speaker 2:
That's natural, because we got to eat. We eat to survive Our ancestors. Well, we eat to survive, but what did we historically eat to survive?
Speaker 1:
Probably berries and roots and things like that. If we got some meat, we were very happy.
Speaker 2:
Right In reality, somewhere along the way with spice and salt and sugar. Right. And now processed foods, yeah, so we didn't naturally eat to enjoy, we naturally ate to survive, yep, and now we're not eating to survive, we're eating to enjoy, yeah, yeah, it's a different thing, it's a whole different thing.
Speaker 1:
There you enjoy, yeah, yeah, it's a different thing, it's a whole different thing.
Speaker 2:
There you go. Yeah, and that's the importance of saying when am I doing something to try to produce this emotion that I desire and it's actually working against me.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, there's like some negative aspects to it. Yes, like there is a positive aspect. We understand that we want to, we need to. You know eat to survive and stuff, but you know there's the drawbacks of overeating or binge eating or whatever. All of it, yeah, any kind of addictive behavior that we think is bringing us maybe some happiness and it doesn't have to be food, it could be all kinds of other things. Gambling, gambling drugs, alcohol video games even.
Speaker 2:
Video games. Yes, I mean so many things. So that I think is a good way for us to start to wrap up this, because we are definitely going to have another episode this season on addictive behaviors and I bet you our listeners are getting excited for that, because we gave them a little teaser of it.
Speaker 1:
I'm excited about it. Yeah, that's good.
Speaker 2:
So we'll end our conversation today. It was basically on one topic happiness. Now, there's no right or wrongs here, but I did give my thoughts and I'm sure that there was a lot of different theories on this. Definitely go online, do some research, but the most important research is doing this work on yourself, identifying your moments, really understanding what internally drives you to feel that happiness, give it your own definition and be accepting of all of the other feelings that are part of normal everyday living. Ps. Here's to being human. Here's to more moments of happiness. You.
