Do Words Matter? (and more)

Eye-Opening Moments are real-life stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. In this episode you will hear about Do Words Matter?  and Life in One Suitcase.

Website: https://inspiremereads.com
Books: https://amazon.com/author/emily-kay-tan.2021_

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction
• 1:02 Do Words Matter?
• 8:25 Life in One Suitcase
• 14:28 Key Takeaways

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode #137 of Eye-Opening Moments where you’ll hear stories of adversity, encounters, and perspectives intertwined. They are moments that can lift your spirits, give you some food for thought, or move you. For the introspective mind that likes to reflect, discover, and find solutions or meaning in a complex life, this is for you. I’m your host Emily Kay Tan. In this episode, you will hear about Do Words Matter? and Life in One Suitcase.

Do Words Matter?
I say words matter, but others may beg to differ. My friend Vicky once supposedly comforted me with, "They are just words," when someone hurt my feelings. "A famous idiom says, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." I suppose it suggests that others could hurt you physically, but they could not harm you emotionally or mentally. I'm afraid I have to disagree. But then again, do words matter when one says them and don't mean what they say?

My ex-boyfriend Devin once said, "I see us growing old together. You are stuck with me until we are in our seventies or until I die." He said it more than once to me. I didn't quite believe him, but I hoped he meant what he said. Words mattered to me, but since he is now my ex-boyfriend, words did not matter to him; they were just words to him.

Another time, Devin said he wanted to marry me and have children with me. He said that several times. The action to make that happen never came. And then, blindsided, Devin cheated on me. How could he cheat on me if he wanted to marry me and have children with me? Words did not matter to him. It meant something to me because I believed him and could not understand how he could do what he did after he said he wanted me to be his wife.

Devin, a big-time spender, ran out of funds, and I lent him money. Yes, I offered to help and thought he would pay me back. Devin promised he would pay me back, but he never did. I could understand that he could not pay me back, but he never said sorry or that he would work to pay back some money. Yes, I made the mistake of lending money. And I know I did it because I believed in him and his words. I probably thought that words mattered, but I neglected to acknowledge that words may not matter to the next person.

I ask, "Do words matter?" I ask because it does not seem to matter to some people. But I believe words matter, even to the ones that seem to make it appear that they don't.

I believe Devin thought or hoped we would get married, have children together, and grow old together because he said it. However, he was not able to keep his word. His integrity was not in place, and he didn't find a way to put it back on track. The intention was there, but the follow-through was not.

Devin thought he would eventually make enough money to repay me, but he didn't. Again, the intention was there, but the follow-through was not there. I wondered if words mattered to him because he seemed to break one promise after another and never apologized for any of them.

I wondered if words mattered to some people because they didn't seem to mean what they said. In other words, words are just words. However, I would like to believe that people make promises to show their good intentions. And when they can't keep their promises or follow through with their words, their integrity is derailed.

While integrity may not always be on track, we must strive to keep our integrity in check because words do matter. They matter because feelings do get hurt, and emotions do get riled up.

The breakup with Devin was gut-wrenching emotionally, and the loss of money was painful, too. I may comfort myself that he had good intentions, but the excruciating aftermath took years for me to forgive and move on emotionally. Words affect emotions; words matter.

Because words affect my emotions, I know they matter. I know they matter to me. I strive to keep my word as much as possible. I get many opportunities to do so at work. I tell my students that when they interrupt or waste my teaching time, I will deduct time from their break time. Sometimes, it seems like they don't believe me because they expect to go on time when it is break time. I would then need to remind them that I say what I mean and that I mean what I say. It baffled me that I had to say it for over two years. I thought my words would go in one ear and out the other, so I had to repeat myself. And then, one day, Brian, a bright student of mine, said, "I know you say what you mean and mean what you say, but my other teachers sometimes don't, so I don't know if you will change your mind (and say what you may not mean). Suddenly, it occurred to me that even though I often keep my word, others may not take them to mean something because, too often, people don't keep their word!

Now I beg to ask why I have a need to keep my word when too many people don't! Simply put, it matters to me, and words can make all the difference in affecting others. I endeavor to make a positive impact with my words. 

I know when I encourage young minds to keep working to improve, it motivates them to work harder. I know when I tell them I know they are smart and they are just trying to hide it from me, I show I believe in their greatness, and they respond by putting out more effort to achieve excellence. My students, Olivia, Stella, Delilah, and Daniel, often protested, "I can't do it; it is too hard!" I often adamantly responded, saying, "No, you can, and I know you can. Stop hiding or pretending; I already know you can." I would proceed to help them a bit and then say, "See, I know you could do it!" Words matter.

After writing a number of personal essays and sharing them aloud with friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, it was most apparent to me that words are powerful. Sharing my moments of adversity was painful, but it was simultaneously healing. The reactions of tears from others shocked me. How could my horrid stories evoke such emotions in others who don't even know or care about me personally? I was surprised and perplexed. But my eyes widened in amazement with the power of words. 

Words can hurt and negatively impact others, as I have experienced numerous times. However, words can also empower and give hope to others. As a writer, I share my stories and words that aim to make a positive difference. Words matter; do you want your words to make a negative or positive impact?

Life in One Suitcase
It all started with me screaming, “How can I put my life in two suitcases and one carry-on luggage? It’s ridiculous! Why did I think I needed to put all my possessions in only two suitcases and a carry-on? That was what was allowed without getting charged for extra luggage at the airport. Of course, all my possessions could not fit those limitations, so I had to donate, sell, or dispose of everything that could not fit. Moving abroad with only what could fit was distressing, unnerving, and horrifying. Yet, once I did it, an incredible feeling overcame me, and I discovered more valuable treasures.

Selling my furniture piece by piece made my house emptier and emptier. Donating most of my clothes and many other things made me feel like I was in my birthday suit. All the stuff I bought and accumulated over many years was disappearing before my eyes. What was I without my possessions? I had worked hard to get everything I had, and now I was throwing most of it away. It was harrowing.

After a few months of drastically decreasing the number of things I had, my life was reduced to two suitcases and a piece of carry-on luggage. When I arrived at the airport to depart, my body felt light, as if I lost weight, but I didn’t. I floated to a seat to wait to board the plane. All the belongings I once had were no longer weighing me down. I still felt a little naked, but I was smiling. I began to feel carefree as I had fewer things to maintain. Many worries started to disappear, too. It was a strange sensation I never experienced before. It was a kind of freedom I had never imagined possible. 

Upon arriving at an island nation, I was far from my homeland. All the worries and responsibilities I once had escaped me. I had now thrown myself into a foreign land and quickly engrossed in a new world and a new beginning.

Since I had to wear a uniform for work, I did not need many of the clothes I brought! Because it was so hot, most of my leather shoes were inappropriate footwear. What little I brought with me from the USA was not even needed. A shift in my thinking began to occur. I had so many things, and I didn’t need them. I didn’t miss most of the stuff I sold, donated, or tossed.

Can I fit my life in one suitcase?! Fitting my life in two pieces of luggage was horrifying, and now I was thinking of holding my life in one suitcase. It could be fun!

What would the essential things be in one suitcase?! Maybe a toothbrush, toothpaste, a cup, a comb, a face towel, a large towel, soap, and a moisturizer. For footwear, I would need a pair of sneakers, sandals, slippers, high heels, comfortable shoes, flats, rain shoes, and not the sixty pairs of shoes I had. For clothes, I would need a couple of shirts and pants, a dress, dressy pants, shorts, and whatever else could still fit in the suitcase. Maybe a few tools, utensils, pens, and my laptop, which would store all my paperwork and information, would be in my backpack. Can I survive with only so many things in one suitcase? Yes, because I am no longer horrified and have discovered the many things I had, I could live without them.

But what are the valuable treasures I have discovered after disposing of so many things?! With fewer belongings, I have fewer things to take care of. For instance, with no car, I don’t have a vehicle to maintain, and I don’t need to look for a parking space or pay car insurance! I now walk to work in five minutes. The result is I have more time to spend doing what I enjoy. One precious treasure is time, and I found more time from having fewer things.

With today’s technology or my laptop, I could store more information on it rather than on paper. I could listen to music, watch a movie, find information, get the news, and many other things online instead of having separate equipment for entertainment or learning new things. Another valuable treasure is to have items that serve more than one purpose. It saves space and produces more time efficiency.

The most vital gem is me or, in your case, you. Nothing you have is more important than having you. Without you, nothing can be done. Nothing can be experienced without you. Having you and your self-worth is everything. With confidence and power in your hands, you can accomplish anything. Don’t ever put your possessions ahead of yourself. You are the most prized possession you will ever have; treasure it, appreciate it, use it to create what you want, and live a fulfilling life.

Life in one suitcase is irrelevant. A life appreciated and valued is most important.

Key Takeaways: Though words may not matter to some because they have no integrity, words do matter because they affect our emotions, Words can hurt, and words can empower; choose your words wisely. 

Though life in one suitcase sounds nearly impossible, life in one reminds us (helps us identify) what is important. 

Next week, you will hear about two real-life stories called Asking for Help and Less Space but More Freedom. If you enjoyed this episode of Eye-Opening Moments, please feel free to share it with others, support the show by clicking on the link in the description, or go to www.inspiremereads.com and leave a message. Thank you for listening!