BiteSize - Using the Enneagram for Personal Growth and Resilience: Harnessing Self-Awareness and Managing Triggers.

Ever wondered how to harness the power of self-awareness for personal growth and resilience? If you're curious about understanding your triggers and fostering deeper connections, this episode is for you.

Welcome to this bitesize episode, where we dive into a conversation with Christine Lindholt Wittusen, focusing on self-development through self-awareness. Christine delves into the Enneagram and how it can be practically used to enhance self-awareness, helping individuals recognize and manage their triggers effectively.:

Imagine gaining insights from a coach who can help you understand your fears and strengths, embrace vulnerability, and foster resilience.

Three Benefits You'll Gain:

1. Enhanced Self-Awareness: Learn to identify and manage your triggers, leading to meaningful self-discovery.
2. Improved Relationships: Understand the importance of vulnerability and how it can foster deeper connections.
3. Actionable Steps for Development: Gain insights into translating self-discovery into practical steps for personal and professional growth.

Are you ready to enhance your self-awareness and foster resilience? Scroll up and click play to join our enlightening conversation with Christine Lindholt. Gain the insights and strategies you need to understand your triggers, embrace vulnerability, and foster personal growth. 

Exploring Key Concepts and Issues:

The Enneagram and Self-Awareness:

• Christine introduces the Enneagram, a tool categorizing nine different personality types, as a valuable resource for self-discovery.
• She emphasizes that while tests and surveys provide initial insights, true understanding comes from introspective discussions and reflections on one's type.

Personal Journey and Vulnerability:

• Christine shares her journey of discovering fears like rejection and not being loved, which led to people-pleasing tendencies.
• Through self-awareness, she realized the balance between strengths and weaknesses, highlighting the importance of not overextending oneself and maintaining authenticity.

The Power of Vulnerability:

• The conversation transitions to the power of vulnerability in creating psychological safety and fostering connections with others.
• Christine emphasizes that being open about weaknesses and struggles paves the way for others to do the same, deepening relationships and providing mutual support.

Full Episode from S1 E19:
The Key to Self-awareness, The Enneagram & Resilience. Interview with Christine Lindholt Wittussen

Chapters

• 0:08 Introduction to Bite Size Fridays
• 7:09 Recognizing Lack of Self-Awareness
• 9:19 Understanding Triggers and Self-Awareness in Depth

Transcript

[0:00] Music.

[0:08] Well, welcome to It's an Inside Job Bite Size Fridays, your weekly dose of resilience, optimism, and well-being to get you ready for the weekend. Now, each week, I'll bring you insightful tips and uplifting stories to help you navigate life's challenges and embrace a more positive mindset. And so with that said, let's slip into the stream.

[0:27] Music.

[0:37] Well welcome back to another bite-sized friday i'm your host jason liem we are going to time travel back to season 1 episode 19 with my guest christine lindholt Wittusen where the conversation focuses on self-development through self-awareness and in this segment we are going to delve into the understanding of personal triggers and the power of vulnerability. Christine explains how the Enneagram can be used practically to enhance self-awareness, allowing individuals to recognize and manage their triggers effectively. By embracing vulnerability, we can discover strengths and foster resilience. So this actual advice is perfect for anyone looking to grow personally and professionally. I hope you guys enjoyed this week's Bite Size Fridays episode.

[1:22] What would you say, if we may explore, what was one of the fears that you discovered about yourself? A fear of rejection, a fear of not being loved, which turned into a bit of people pleasing, you know, and feeling like I always had to adjust to other people's agenda. What do people expect of me? And, and how do I, um, make sure that I'm lovable? Um, and, and, and the Enneagram also made me realize that each personality has its unique gift, but, but if you're not aware, you can overuse that gift, which I was in the process of doing. You know, I was being very considerate, but I was being too considerate to the point that I was loosing myself.

[2:18] So that particular trait or that quality about yourself can be advantageous, but if we tend to lean too much on it, what it sounds like, then it becomes something that actually hinders us, that can actually act as a detractor towards us. Is that what I understand? down. Yeah. Yeah. So, so, so it's about balancing your strength. Otherwise it could become your weakness. And I think a lot of people have seen that during the pandemic that, uh, you know, a big crisis like that actually can change our behaviors. We can become a little too much of ourselves.

[2:54] Um, I felt that, but you know, my tendency to help others that I have at times been trying too hard to to reach out everywhere and in the end I don't have any more energy left so I have to I have to make sure that I don't overextend that I don't overdo that gift that I have and that willingness to help others I think I think sometimes the analogy I tend to use is that you know we can have a bank again I think this is something we talked about and you're constantly giving money out to charities to other people but if we don't take time to fill up that bank account we become the charity case ourselves in a sense in a sense so this self-awareness drove you more towards coaching and that was more in lined or aligned with your values and to help other people to help groups teams and individuals so what was one of the you said that so that was one of the fears what was one of your longings to feel really loved and seen and being able to to be who I was be authentic um and and my coaching journey has been very much about that being accepting who I am and accepting my gifts and being true to that and being authentic being vulnerable and that's very much how I work too when I do workshops and talks.

[4:23] I'm not afraid to share my weaknesses and my areas of development.

[4:30] And that sometimes helps others to be able to be vulnerable and dare to speak up and say how they, what their struggles are. And it sounds like you're very good to set a stage of psychological safety in that. Because I think part of it is that vulnerability, that courage to kind of confront our strengths and our weaknesses and to speak about them. Because once you do that, obviously that kind of primes others in the room or in that meeting to be able to do the same thing. And I think Brene Brown speaks a lot to that. I don't know what exactly she calls the term, but she talks about embracing vulnerability. And that's like what you do wholeheartedly and authentically. Yeah, it's really important to me. And I think also that it's made me realize how vulnerability really can get you closer to other people, make you feel more connected. Connected um and some people think oh they don't want to let other people be bothered by their problems challenges but they're sort of rubbing other people of the opportunity to be there for them you know and and that was an insight for me because I was always helping other people wanting to be there for others but I needed to also be able to receive and give them the gift of being there for me.

[6:00] If you know what I mean. Because what you were talking about is also this self-awareness. So if I may bridge, how do you see the sense of understanding your fears and your vulnerabilities linked to resilience and self-awareness? I mean, I guess that's a triad of things, self-awareness, resilience, and our vulnerabilities. How do you tie them together? Well, I think self-awareness is an important order to have resilience because if you're aware of your strengths it's much easier to tap into it when you need to to tap into those resources when you know what they are and your weaknesses um you can work on them there's always opportunities for improvement so that you're more prepared when difficult times come and this being self-aware makes you more connected to your purpose you have a sense of meaning and i think that's crucial when When you're going through something difficult, that you know what's meaningful to you. Why are you here? What are you here to do?

[7:04] Music.

[7:10] In the second part of our conversation, Christine and I explore the question, how does one know when one lacks self-awareness? And we go through several examples. We also speak to the idea of triggers and how important it is to understand our own triggers because it gives us insight into ourselves and insight into others. It allows us to create more empathy and understanding to understand, for example, when we feel we're being controlled or we don't feel that we're being included. And a natural extension from this was our conversation progressed into psychological safety and the ability to validate others' emotions.

[7:49] So my question is then, you know, in, for example, for yourself, the PR job was one of those triggers that brought you to self-awareness that, you know, this is not exactly what I want to be doing. It's not aligned with my values or my passions, but how can we know if we are actually lacking self-awareness? Because a lot of people go around the day in sort of robot mode. They just go through the days. They do what they do, go to sleep, they get up and repeat. Pete yeah how do we know when we lack self-awareness one signal might be if you.

[8:25] Get into the same type of difficult situation constantly you know like why does this always happen to me if you keep saying that it might be a good time to ask what am i doing to make this happen you know to to be a little more accountable um people who get into conflicts with everyone one and everything you know that's that's a sign that it might lack some self-awareness, that's definitely i mean if you see a repeated pattern of behavior that's not actually productive or it's not helping you move forward or relationships move forward i think that's a clear indicator that's a road sign that maybe something has to be done yeah and if you if you get if you get very defensive easily that's also a good sign to look at what why do i feel the need to defend myself here? Why is it so hard to take criticism?

[9:19] So it sounds like it's a two-step process versus the what that's to be sort of aware of maybe your triggers, if you're defensive or you find patterns are unproductive. And then there's that self awareness, which would be the understanding the why behind the, what, you know, why am I acting like this? Why am I being defensive? And so this anagram, this is a tool of nine different personality types in general. If we just talk about sort of general headlines here. or a dive into the fears and the longings that a person has, but the pool itself, like how is it run? Is it, is it a number of questions? Is it a survey? Is it something that you walk someone through in your coaching practice to help them do this self-discovery? Yeah, well, there, there are several tests that you can take, but I generally think the test is just a start. It's not the answer. It's not a definite truth, but I often have clients take a test and then we look at the results together and we see what types do you score the highest on and does this resonate with you or not?

[10:28] Because a test can never tell you really who you are, but it's a good start. And then we talk about ourselves and I ask questions. Basically, when you find your type, it it's a way of getting to know each other much faster I recently started a coaching program with a Enneagram coach in the states and I didn't even have to tell her more than the fact that I'm, I'm an Enneagram type two and with a three wing and she already knew a ton about me and she can ask those questions that go straight into the core.

[11:08] So it's a way of getting deeper much quicker. Yeah. So the test or the survey or what have you, the questions, that just sort of sets where you are on the map. And it's through the discussions with yourself, Christina, that people actually discover ways of... Constructively and tangibly dealing with this so it's not just venting your processes it's yes it's venting it's discovery but a lot of what you've you've explored with me before is the ability to take them to action to create tangible differences is that what i understand that's that's right and for each personality type there's a unique path of development and i don't know of any other typology tools that'll give you, um, guidelines as to how to develop. If you would like to develop, we have a, we have a little bit of all nine types in us, but we have one leading us the most. So finding your type might take a little time. It's not as black and white as many other typologies.

[12:11] And the way I use it when I do workshops in companies, for example, I may do shorter workshops or, you know, two-day workshops. But when I do workshops, I'll present all the types with examples that are easy for them to relate to. I present them all and we discuss them. And it sort of gives them a neutral language to talk about personality differences.

[12:36] Instead of me saying, oh, Jason, you are like this and you are like that. And this is the type that you are. And you have these kind of issues. I present it and I let it be up to them to decide what resonates the most with me here. Where do I find myself here? And people may, you know, recognize patterns from their parents or their leader. And because I present them in such a balanced way, they realize that, oh, none of these are better or worse than others. We all have our good days and our bad days. and when i'm telling them how i am on a bad day it's much safer for them to share oh gosh i'm that way too and we can laugh about it and it's not that serious so the enneagram can be a lot of fun uh while it also has real real depth to it yeah so it sounds like it's happening at two levels one is if i need to do some self-discovery self-awareness to understand sort of my my inner my inner landscape to, in order to move forward, like what's preventing me. But it also sounds what you're saying is when companies are approaching you.

[13:50] They're looking for maybe there's some level of dysfunction within their team. They're not communicating, they're not collaborating, or the level of cooperation could be improved. So if I was a leader of a team, what is the reason I would come to you? What's the general reasons these corporations and organizations come to you, Christina?

[14:12] If they have a lot of different personalities working together, um there can be a lot of tension especially when there's high stress levels that people yeah people get triggered a lot and triggers are one of my favorite topics you know why do people get triggered you know you and i can meet the same person and i might find a person real annoying and you find them inspiring because we see we see them through different lenses and the lens is our It's our personality type. It's our relational history. It's all our baggage that we carry with us. And I just think that's so fascinating. And so I can help them get more aware and take more responsibility for their actions so they're not so reactive, so they can choose how to respond instead of reacting on autopilot. And it's also a helpful way to see that oh so when this person doesn't join us for lunch and sits there all alone every break it's not because he doesn't like us it's because he oh so he has a real um a need for a lot of alone time he needs to he charges when he's alone oh no clue you know and and so you start to see uh what's behind the behavior and most of the times people don't do things against you. They do it for themselves. They do it to protect themselves.

[15:40] And when you understand that, it's easier to meet people with more empathy and understanding.

[15:49] If you want more, why not go back and listen to the original full conversation with my guest? You will find the link in the episode in the show notes. So make sure you hit that subscribe button And I'll be back next week with my long-form conversational episodes on Monday and the latest Bite Sites episode on Friday. And have yourself a relaxing and rejuvenating weekend.

[16:09] Music.