EP58: How One Employer Understood A Lead Dad

Interview with Colin Haupt / Widowed Lead Dad Of Three

HOSTED BY PAUL SULLIVAN

Colin Haupt was always a Lead Dad. When his children were young and he was a rising HR executive, he was the one to leave work when his kids needed him. His wife's job in financial services didn't have that flexibity. It continued when he joined a start-up insurance company that was growing quickly but had a CEO who put family first. Five years ago, Colin's wife died from breast cancer and the company's support allowed him to focus on their kids. Listen to his story of being two different types of Lead Dad and how working for a company with strong care policies made a difference.

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Transcript

00;00;05;27 - 00;00;27;04
Paul Sullivan
Welcome to the Company of Dads podcast, where we explore the sweet, silly, strange and sublime aspects of being a lead dad in a world where men with a go to parents aren't always accepted at work, among their friends or in the community or what they're doing. I'm your host, Paul Sullivan. Today, my guest is Colin Haupt, who's been the lead dad into very different ways.

00;00;27;07 - 00;00;46;04
Paul Sullivan
A long time HR executive, he joined Pure Insurance in 2010. It was a few years after the company was founded, and Colin was part of an amazing rocket ship ride as a company boomed into a leading personal insurance company. Fortunately, the office was only about 30 minutes from his house because his wife Alison was commuting across three states.

00;00;46;07 - 00;01;10;05
Paul Sullivan
So Lord advocate, an asset management firm, where she rose to become a partner. Colin was the lead dad to their three kids. As both their career took off, but life took a turn after seven years of battling breast cancer, Alison passed away in 2018. Some 18% of fathers in America are widowed, divorced or single, and Colin became the lead dad and sole parent for their two daughters and son.

00;01;10;07 - 00;01;25;05
Paul Sullivan
With his daughters in college now and a son in high school. Colin left pure at the start of the year to to begin a workplace consultancy focused on mindful meditation, something that has helped him throughout the years. Welcome Colin, to the Company Dads podcast.

00;01;25;08 - 00;01;28;17
Colin Haupt
Thanks, Paul. Happy. Happy to be here.

00;01;28;19 - 00;01;32;19
Paul Sullivan
How do you and Alison meet?

00;01;32;22 - 00;02;02;10
Colin Haupt
Gosh, it's go way back. Alison. Like that. Through mutual friends. In 2000, I want to say sorry. Gosh. 1997. Wow. We, Yeah, we were, we were introduced through it was. It was kind of. It was kind of serendipitous in a way, because we. Alison's dearest and best friend from Derry and where she grew up.

00;02;02;13 - 00;02;36;21
Colin Haupt
Tried to connect us before the actual before we actually, met formally and started dating in a just the timing was off. And so whether it was, you know, Alison was dating someone else, I was dating someone else. The timing just didn't work. For whatever reason, we never we were never able to connect. But in 1997, we met at her dear friend, Bridget's house or dad's house for Bridget's, engagement party.

00;02;36;25 - 00;03;02;03
Colin Haupt
To her. To her. Then, fiance. And it was, you know, like, you hear, I guess from time to time, it was it was, it was immediate. I mean, I think it was it was, you know, sparks flew and we kind of we were also at that stage in our lives where we were in our late 20s, almost 30, I think, both of us.

00;03;02;03 - 00;03;26;18
Colin Haupt
And it just made a lot of sense besides the connection that we had, it made a lot of sense to be together. We had lots of similarities in terms of our, interests. We had we had, connections around, friends and friend groups. We both loved New England or. I'm. I'm from New Hampshire. Originally, she was from Connecticut.

00;03;26;20 - 00;03;34;22
Colin Haupt
And so, anyway, it just it just made it made a lot of sense at the time and and and glad glad we met.

00;03;34;24 - 00;03;36;27
Paul Sullivan
What year did you get married?

00;03;37;00 - 00;04;07;19
Colin Haupt
Got married in 2001. May of two of 2001. Right. Right before 911, which was really interesting because we we lived in the West Village at the time we got married. And when 911 happened, I was working about six blocks from ground zero on John Street, and Alison was working across the river at Lord Abbot in Jersey city.

00;04;07;21 - 00;04;30;13
Colin Haupt
And, well, when the first plane hit, I got a call from from Alison on my cell phone saying, you need to leave your office building something. You know, the plane just hit, you know, one of the world, the first World Trade Center. And I remember, I remember saying, I'm just going to stick it out.

00;04;30;13 - 00;04;49;17
Colin Haupt
I'm just going to stick it out, stay around here and, see what happens. And then the second, second plane hit, obviously. And I think we lost all communication and everyone did and made the decision to leave the building. But, but we were tested pretty early on, I think, you know. Yeah, just American, just married a man.

00;04;49;17 - 00;05;12;11
Colin Haupt
And then, you know, nine over 11 happened right after that. Yeah. And, we were separated for she wasn't able to get back into the city. I wasn't able to get out of Manhattan for. I think it was about a week, so I spent that. We spent that week apart. Right after 911, which was really a, an emotional time for everyone, I think.

00;05;12;14 - 00;05;27;13
Colin Haupt
But as a start, as a couple starting out together, I think it was really, it was really interesting. It tested us in ways I think we certainly never were going to expect at that time in our life. So anyway.

00;05;27;15 - 00;05;33;18
Paul Sullivan
And then your first, your first daughter was born when, like around 2004 or 5. What would I do? My mother.

00;05;33;24 - 00;05;40;04
Colin Haupt
Yeah. Lily was born in, I was born in November 2002, so.

00;05;40;11 - 00;05;40;22
Paul Sullivan
Two. Two.

00;05;40;23 - 00;05;45;06
Colin Haupt
Okay. Yeah. We had just moved out from the city to, to Connecticut.

00;05;45;08 - 00;06;04;15
Paul Sullivan
So, you know, at that point, you have one child, you have another daughter, then you have a son. But you're doing well, in your career in HR, she's, you know, doing well in her career and asset management. What was the discussion you have, or did you have a discussion as to who was going to be, you know, the the lead pack?

00;06;04;17 - 00;06;37;15
Colin Haupt
You know, we had how we went. We went back and forth on it. I think we both agreed that, we wanted to partner on that responsibility. And, and we we also knew we wanted to have more than one, one child. So, you know, things get exponentially more challenging obviously, the more kids you have. I think we talked about, you know, the challenge I think that Alison really had is that she, she was the so she was the breadwinner from the very from the very beginning.

00;06;37;15 - 00;07;01;04
Colin Haupt
She was in finance. I was in corporate HR. Just the compensation variables were just were pretty great. Even from even early on in our, in our careers. And I think we always knew that we didn't want to give up the compensation capability that Alison had to live the kind of lifestyle that we wanted to have.

00;07;01;06 - 00;07;19;05
Colin Haupt
But it was always this back and forth discussion around, how far does Alison want to travel in her career? Like how far? How far up the, you know, the proverbial ladder? Does she want to go before it gets to the point where she's working more than she's at home.

00;07;19;08 - 00;07;20;20
Paul Sullivan
Right, right, right.

00;07;20;22 - 00;07;48;06
Colin Haupt
And, but it was always this a little bit of pressure around, around making sure we could live the kind of lifestyle that we wanted to live in Connecticut. So, we discussed, we discussed it a lot. And there was actually a period of time in 2010, right before I joined pure, where I was with a company, downtown on Hudson and Houston Street and announced it was committed to Jersey city.

00;07;48;06 - 00;07;49;21
Colin Haupt
So the two of us were actually at.

00;07;49;22 - 00;07;52;00
Paul Sullivan
And and and living in Connecticut.

00;07;52;03 - 00;08;12;14
Colin Haupt
And living in Derry. Yeah. And I did that for about nine months. Paul and I came home one night and Alison was probably behind. We would try to commute together on the way home. She would go in much earlier than I would in the morning. And that's a whole nother conversation about her planes, trains and automobiles to get to Jersey city.

00;08;12;14 - 00;08;34;01
Colin Haupt
Yeah, right. But, she, I remember her coming home exhausted one night, and I was two, and I, I remember looking at her in the kitchen, and, you know, I think I think Claire was just born. And so we had we had Lily, and then we had a newborn and I just said, like, something's got to give.

00;08;34;03 - 00;09;00;13
Colin Haupt
You know, I, I said, you're the breadwinner. So what if I were to just kind of take a step back and leave my job and be a stay at home dad, at least for a period of time? And I could do some consulting from work, from home. And so ultimately, I did that actually, I actually left my job with a company called, publicist, which is, big, media brand.

00;09;00;16 - 00;09;14;13
Colin Haupt
And, to be at home with the kids and do some consulting. So that was kind of my first foray and, you know. Yeah. Introduction as a kind of the lead lead that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00;09;14;13 - 00;09;38;29
Paul Sullivan
And then but so you're doing that and then you get the call, in 2010 to interview with pure and Charity. Yeah. Join them. It's a company a couple of years old now. It's, you know, one of the biggest brands, out there and sort of personal lines. But back then, it was just, you know, a couple guys who had a dream is to do something different and take on is establishing what did you think, you know, when you interviewed for that?

00;09;38;29 - 00;09;47;15
Paul Sullivan
Did you think it was, you know, and it ends up being a rocket ship. So talk about the process of joining and then how you balance the lead responsibility.

00;09;47;17 - 00;10;21;12
Colin Haupt
Yeah, it was really it was really interesting. I, you know, I, I got a phone call from the CEO is executive assistant. Her name is made at the end of pure and and she, she was she was taking on as many executive assistants do, the role of recruiter for pure. Yeah. And I remember her saying to me she said a couple of things, but our introduction was we're looking for an HR person and I don't want to do recruiting anymore.

00;10;21;14 - 00;10;23;14
Paul Sullivan
Wait, way to sell the job that way to really?

00;10;23;19 - 00;10;43;07
Colin Haupt
I know she was great. You know, it's interesting because she and I became very, very close colleagues. And for at least for the first two years of pure, she and I were very, you know, worked very closely with one another around a lot of different people, initiatives. And we used to I used to tease or like, thanks for bringing me in here.

00;10;43;10 - 00;11;07;14
Colin Haupt
It's been an amazing experience, but wow, what a lot of work. And, to answer your question, I think for the first, at least for the first two years, if not longer, you know, you're in startup mode, you're in build, you know, build from scratch mode, which is you're doing everything you're, you know, you're recruiting. You are you're doing benefits administration.

00;11;07;14 - 00;11;39;17
Colin Haupt
We had outsourced some of these services, but it was really the first time in my career in H.R. Where, We're number one. I was doing everything, learning everything, areas that I had never worked in before on the on the fly and, also trying to help build a culture I think was really the, the really most, exciting thing about the pure opportunity was that I was at a ground floor level.

00;11;39;17 - 00;11;49;11
Colin Haupt
And the world of our professions, it's very infrequent that you get the opportunity to be able to be part of that. Right?

00;11;49;18 - 00;11;53;12
Paul Sullivan
You're creating it. You're not inheriting it from somebody else. You're creating.

00;11;53;13 - 00;12;19;14
Colin Haupt
Yeah. And so I always felt like it was a gift. Starting a pure and so, so that's kind of like how a transition. Anyway, so I went to interview and, you know, after a couple rounds of interviews and, you know, I was offered the job and, and came in and, it was just an amazing experience and then spent the next, you know, the next 12.5 years that.

00;12;19;16 - 00;12;41;24
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. But now on paper, you know, I know you're based in White Plains, so on paper there and White Plains, you know, best circumstance, you know, 30 minutes, 40 minutes is always traffic. So it seems like much better than commuting down to the tip of Manhattan. But, you know, you joined something and and it and it booms from, you know, I.

00;12;41;25 - 00;13;00;02
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. Tell me how many employees they have now and how many they had then. But it boomed and so and Allison is still, you know, commuting over to Jersey city with top ten miserable commutes you could have from there. Yeah.

00;13;00;05 - 00;13;21;12
Paul Sullivan
Welcome to the Company of Dad's podcast, where we explore the sweet, silly, strange and sublime aspects of being a lead dad in a world where men with a go to parents aren't always accepted at work, among their friends or in the community or what they're doing. I'm your host, Paul Sullivan. Today, my guest is Colin Hobart, who's been the lead dad in two very different ways.

00;13;21;15 - 00;13;44;17
Paul Sullivan
A long time HR executive, he joined Pure Insurance in 2010. It was a few years after the company was founded, and Colin was part of an amazing rocket ship ride as a company boomed into a leading personal insurance company. Fortunately, the office was only about 30 minutes from his house because his wife Alison was commuting across three states to Lord Abbott and asset management firm, where she rose to become a partner.

00;13;44;20 - 00;14;15;29
Paul Sullivan
Colin was the lead dad to their three kids as both their career took off, but life took a turn after seven years of battling breast cancer, Alison passed away in 2018. Some 18% of fathers in America are widowed, divorced or single, and Colin became the lead dad and sole parent for their two daughters and son. With his daughters in college now and his son in high school, Colin left pure at the start of the year to to begin a workplace consultancy focused on mindful meditation, something that has helped him throughout the years.

00;14;16;01 - 00;14;19;13
Paul Sullivan
Welcome Colin to the Company Dads podcast.

00;14;19;16 - 00;14;22;25
Colin Haupt
Thanks, Paul. Happy. Happy to be here.

00;14;22;27 - 00;14;26;27
Paul Sullivan
How do you and Alison meet?

00;14;27;00 - 00;15;08;03
Colin Haupt
Gosh, it's go way back. Alison and I, through mutual friends. In 2000, I want to say sorry, 1997. Wow. We, Yeah, we we were, we were introduced through it was. It was kind of. It was kind of serendipitous in a way, because we. Alison's dearest and best friend from Derry and where she grew up, tried to connect us before the actual before we actually, met formally and started dating in a just the timing was off.

00;15;08;03 - 00;15;34;14
Colin Haupt
And so whether it was, you know, Alison was dating someone else, I was dating someone else. The timing just didn't work. For whatever reason, we never we were never able to connect. But in 1997, we met at her dear friend, Bridget's house or dad's house for Bridget's, engagement party. To her, to her then, fiance.

00;15;34;16 - 00;15;56;09
Colin Haupt
And it was, you know, like, you hear, I guess from time to time, it was, it was, it was a media. I mean, I think it was it was, you know, sparks flew and we kind of we were also at that stage in our lives where we were in our late 20s, almost 30, I think, both of us.

00;15;56;09 - 00;16;20;26
Colin Haupt
And it just made a lot of sense besides the connection that we had, it made a lot of sense to be together. We had lots of similarities in terms of our, interests. We had we had, connections around, friends and friend groups. We both love to New England or. I'm. I'm from New Hampshire. Originally she was from Connecticut.

00;16;20;28 - 00;16;29;00
Colin Haupt
And so, anyway, it just it just made it made a lot of sense. Yeah. At the time and and and glad, glad we met.

00;16;29;02 - 00;16;31;05
Paul Sullivan
What year did you get married?

00;16;31;08 - 00;17;01;28
Colin Haupt
Got married in 2001. May of two of 2001. Right. Right before 911, which was really interesting because we we lived in the West Village at the time we got married. And when 911 happened, I was working about six blocks from ground zero on John Street, and Alison was working across the river at Lord Abbot in Jersey city.

00;17;02;00 - 00;17;24;22
Colin Haupt
And, when the first plane hit, I got a call from, from Alison on my cell phone saying, you need to leave your office building something. You know, but the plane just hit, you know, one of the world, the first World Trade Center. And I remember, I remember saying, I, I'm just going to stick it out.

00;17;24;23 - 00;17;43;25
Colin Haupt
Just going to stick it out. I'm going to stay around here and, see what happens. And then the second, second plane hit, obviously. And I think we lost all communication. Everyone did and made the decision to leave the building. But, but we were tested pretty early on, I think, you know. Yeah, just just married a man.

00;17;43;25 - 00;18;05;08
Colin Haupt
And then, you know, it's nine over 11. Happened right after that. Yeah. And, we were separated for she wasn't able to get back into the city. I wasn't able to get out of Manhattan for. I think it was about a week. So we spent that. We spent that week apart, right after 911, which was really a, an emotional time for everyone.

00;18;05;12 - 00;18;19;18
Colin Haupt
I think. But as a start, as a couple starting out together, I think it was really, it was really interesting. It it tested us in ways I think we certainly never were going to expect at that time in our life.

00;18;19;18 - 00;18;27;26
Paul Sullivan
So anyone and then your first, your first daughter was born when, like around 2004 or 5. What would I do? My mother.

00;18;28;02 - 00;18;34;12
Colin Haupt
Yeah. Lily was born in, Louis was born in November 2002. So.

00;18;34;19 - 00;18;34;29
Paul Sullivan
Two. Two.

00;18;34;29 - 00;18;39;14
Colin Haupt
Okay. Yeah. We had just moved out from the city to, to Connecticut.

00;18;39;16 - 00;18;58;21
Paul Sullivan
So, you know, at that point, you you have one child, you have another daughter, then you have son. But you're doing well, in your career in HR, she's, you know, doing well in her career and asset management. What was the discussion you have, or did you have a discussion as to who was going to be, you know, the the lead parent?

00;18;58;23 - 00;19;31;23
Colin Haupt
You know, we had oh, we went we went back and forth on it. I think we both agreed that, we wanted to partner on that responsibility. And, and we, we also knew we wanted to have more than one child. So, you know, things get potentially more challenging. Obviously, the more kids you have. I think we talked about, you know, but the challenge I think that Allison really had is that she, she was the so she was the breadwinner from the very, from the very beginning.

00;19;31;23 - 00;19;55;10
Colin Haupt
She was in finance. I was in corporate HR. Just the compensation variables were just were pretty great. Even from even early on in our, in our careers. And I think we always knew that we didn't want to give up the compensation capability that Allison had to live the kind of lifestyle that we wanted to have.

00;19;55;13 - 00;20;13;14
Colin Haupt
But it was always this back and forth discussion around, how far does Allison want to travel in her career? Like, how far? How far up the, you know, the proverbial ladder? And does you want to go before it gets to the point where she's working more than she's at home?

00;20;13;16 - 00;20;14;26
Paul Sullivan
Right, right.

00;20;14;28 - 00;20;42;12
Colin Haupt
And, but it was always this a little bit of pressure around, around making sure we could live the kind of lifestyle that we wanted to live in Connecticut. So, we discussed we discussed it a lot. And there was actually a period of time in 2010, right before I joined pure, where I was with a company, downtown on Hudson and Halsted Street and announced it was committed to Jersey city.

00;20;42;12 - 00;20;43;24
Colin Haupt
So the two of us were actually.

00;20;43;27 - 00;20;46;06
Paul Sullivan
At and and living in Connecticut.

00;20;46;09 - 00;21;06;21
Colin Haupt
And living in Derry. Yeah. And I did that for about nine months. Paul and I came home one night and Allison was probably behind. We would try to commute together on the way home. She would go in much earlier than I would in the morning. And that's a whole nother conversation about her planes, trains and automobiles to get to Jersey city.

00;21;06;25 - 00;21;30;19
Colin Haupt
Right. But, she, I remember her coming home exhausted one night, and I was two, and I, I remember looking at her in the kitchen and, you know, I think I think Claire was just born and so we had we had Lily, and then we had a newborn. And I just said, like, something's got to give. You know, I, I said, you're the breadwinner.

00;21;30;19 - 00;21;59;16
Colin Haupt
So what if I were to just kind of take a step back and leave my job and be a stay at home dad, at least for a period of time? And I could do some consulting from work, from home. And so ultimately, I did that. I actually I actually left my job with a company called, publicist, which was, big, media brand, and, to be at home with the kids and do some consulting.

00;21;59;16 - 00;22;08;11
Colin Haupt
So that was kind of my first foray. And, you know. Yeah. Introduction as a kind of the lead lead that. Yeah. Yeah.

00;22;08;13 - 00;22;33;05
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. And then but so you're doing that and then you get the call, in 2010 to interview with pure and Charity. Yeah. Join them. It's a company a couple years old now. It's, you know, one of the biggest brands, out there and sort of personal lines. But back then, it was just, you know, a couple guys who had a dream is to do something different and take on is establishing what did you think, you know, when you interviewed for that?

00;22;33;05 - 00;22;41;21
Paul Sullivan
Did you think it was, you know, and it ends up being a rocket ship. So talk about the process of joining and then how you balance the lead responsibility.

00;22;41;23 - 00;23;15;03
Colin Haupt
Yeah, it was really it was really interesting. I, you know, I, I got a phone call from the CEO is executive assistant at the end, pure and, and she, she was, she was taking on as many executive assistants do, the role of recruiter for pure. Yeah. And I remember her saying to me, she said a couple of things, but our introduction was we're looking for an HR person and I don't want to do recruiting anymore.

00;23;15;05 - 00;23;15;20
Colin Haupt
Wait.

00;23;15;22 - 00;23;18;04
Paul Sullivan
Wait, wait. Sell the job that way to really sign up.

00;23;18;04 - 00;23;37;15
Colin Haupt
She was great. You know, it's interesting because she and I became very, very close colleagues. And for at least for the first two years of pure, she and I were very, you know, worked very closely with one another around a lot of different people initiatives. And we still I, I used to tease her like, thanks for bringing me in here.

00;23;37;18 - 00;24;01;22
Colin Haupt
It's been an amazing experience, but wow, what a lot of work. And, to answer your question, I, I think for the first, at least for the first two years, if not longer, you know, you're in startup mode, you're in build, you know, build from scratch mode, which is you're doing everything you're, you know, you're recruiting are you're doing benefits administration.

00;24;01;22 - 00;24;43;06
Colin Haupt
We had outsourced some of these services, but it was really the first time in my career in H.R. Where, Where number one, I was doing everything, learning everything, areas that I had never worked in before on the on the fly. And, also trying to help build a culture I think was really the, the really most, exciting thing about the pure opportunity was that I was at a ground floor level in the world of H.R professions, it's very infrequent that you get the opportunity to be able to be part of that.

00;24;43;09 - 00;24;43;19
Colin Haupt
Right?

00;24;43;26 - 00;24;47;21
Paul Sullivan
You're creating it. You're not inheriting it from somebody else. You're creating.

00;24;47;21 - 00;25;13;23
Colin Haupt
Yeah. And so I always felt like it was a gift. Starting a pure. And so, so that's kind of like how it transitioned. Anyway, so I went to interview and, you know, after a couple rounds of interviews and, you know, I was offered the job and, and came in and, and it was just an amazing experience and then spent the next, you know, the next 12.5 years that.

00;25;13;25 - 00;25;36;00
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. Yeah. But now on paper, you know, I know you're based in White Plains, so on paper deer and White Plains, you know, best circumstance. You know, 30 minutes, 40 minutes is always traffic. So it seems like much better than commuting down to the tip of Manhattan. But, you know, you joined something and and it and it booms from, you know, I.

00;25;36;03 - 00;25;55;06
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. Tell me how many employees they have now and how many they had then. But it boomed and so and Alison is still, you know, commuting over to Jersey city with top ten miserable commutes you could have from Connecticut. And your kids are in elementary school. You have how do you then, you know, balances because, you know, pretty soon, you know, just going to White Plains.

00;25;55;06 - 00;26;01;14
Paul Sullivan
I know pure has some other offices around the country. You go in there. How did that work for you? Yeah, her and your kids.

00;26;01;17 - 00;26;24;03
Colin Haupt
It's a great question. And I think, you know, what's that? What's the old adage? It's it takes a village like, it's not cliche in our case. I mean, it was, it was, it was using and asking for help of our neighbors, of our friends. I mean, Alison's, you know, grew up in town in, in Connecticut and dairy.

00;26;24;03 - 00;26;56;03
Colin Haupt
And so we had like a built in we had like a built in network already of friends and family here, including our mother, who has still to this day after Alison's gone, has played just an amazing role in our family in terms of making sure that kids are cared for and checking in and taking, you know, the girls and Christopher to, you know, practice and confirmation class and, you name it.

00;26;56;03 - 00;27;25;08
Colin Haupt
And so we had that from a very early, early point, and the flexibility of our employers, I mean, even though Alison was commuting three hours a day, you know, Lord Albert was amazing. Lord, I haven't had a very I would say like a very traditional conservative culture, and didn't really there were figuring out at that point how to help employees.

00;27;25;08 - 00;27;47;17
Colin Haupt
But their, you know, what we call you so called work life balance. I think now is just life balance, right? Yeah. And they didn't really have this like flex work time, kind of environment. Lord had that. But she was able to work it so that she could come home a little bit. On the earlier side, she'd go in early, but she'd come home a little bit earlier.

00;27;47;20 - 00;28;10;01
Colin Haupt
And that worked for her because she was home by the time the kids needed dinner. And so I think it was a combination of flexibility, lots of lots of help. And I look to the future that it wasn't always going to be like this, you know, it wasn't permanent.

00;28;10;03 - 00;28;27;22
Paul Sullivan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what we always say, you know, kids change, you know, circumstances change. But is it fair that, you know, if she's in Jersey city and you're and, you know, White Plains, that if there was a crisis and even if you had help, were you generally the one who would. Yeah. In your car and come home early.

00;28;27;25 - 00;28;30;22
Paul Sullivan
Yeah, yeah. And how they're. Yeah. Good.

00;28;30;25 - 00;29;15;07
Colin Haupt
Well it's it's it's interesting. I think this is a natural, segue into your probably your next question was how did pure or Lord Tebbit, you know, deal with that. Yeah. Or help you with that? You know, I'll never forget this early on. Pure, my daughter, my middle daughter, was having some challenges at school, and Allison was in Jersey city, and I remember going in to, the CEO of cures office and and just letting them know that, you know, I kind of had to get back to help Claire.

00;29;15;10 - 00;29;50;00
Colin Haupt
And, you just said go, go, go and do do what you got to do. You know, we'll figure it out. I think there was a bunch of either meetings or deadline meetings or whatever we had to do in the afternoon and was able to kind of pick up where we left off. But, that was and still very early on because that, is that, you know, family came first and we're all going to have challenges.

00;29;50;02 - 00;29;56;23
Colin Haupt
And, and that was helpful, you know, because not every company approaches it that way.

00;29;56;23 - 00;30;05;14
Paul Sullivan
No, particularly back then that's, you know, you know, 2013 or so doesn't have to end. Yeah. You start in ten, but you know, you've.

00;30;05;17 - 00;30;06;07
Colin Haupt
In.

00;30;06;09 - 00;30;25;24
Paul Sullivan
That was you know, not working in the office meant you were playing golf or screwing off in some other way. And, you know, it wasn't always that companies were enlightened enough to say that, to think that, you know, the dad could be the lead parent and the dad could be the one who for any number of reasons for, you know, geographic proximity would, would, would leave earlier.

00;30;25;24 - 00;30;29;15
Paul Sullivan
And there's no way your wife could have got home from the is an hour and a half away. Would you know.

00;30;29;17 - 00;30;32;01
Colin Haupt
Yeah. Yeah. For an emergency especially. Yeah.

00;30;32;01 - 00;30;56;02
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. When, when, you know, we said, I said in the intro you know Allison, you know, fought for cancer for, for seven years. And so that was, you know, shortly after you joined pure, she was diagnosed. How did you know the company handle, you know, things that you had to do to support your, your wife, you know, appointment you had to go with her things that you had to do with her.

00;30;56;03 - 00;31;00;23
Paul Sullivan
What was their policy then to help you help Allison, and to help yourself?

00;31;00;26 - 00;31;05;13
Colin Haupt
Yeah. So,

00;31;05;15 - 00;31;47;23
Colin Haupt
Yeah, I think, you know, early on, when Allison was diagnosed and she was diagnosed in February of 20. Oh, my God, you know, it's interesting. Tomorrow will be, What is that, 20 2020, 2012. So tomorrow will be 11 years since her diagnosis because she was diagnosed on Valentine's Day of 2012. So. And the reason I remember that explicitly is that I got a phone call from her right after her mammogram, and, she was in tears.

00;31;47;26 - 00;32;18;00
Colin Haupt
And, you know, she said, you know, and they're a little bit worried about this spot. And she said she was like, you know, damn it, I, I totally screwed up. I said, what are you talking about? She said, I totally screwed up. I did not get my mammogram at my 40th birthday. I skipped a year, and if I hadn't skipped a year, they would have found.

00;32;18;02 - 00;32;48;00
Colin Haupt
And I said, well, first of all, let's just slow down a minute like you don't we don't know. We don't know if it's cancer. We don't know what it is. But that was the first thing that came to her mind was that, was that she she really she skipped a year and that, you know, that was the, kind of the culmination of the reason why she, you know, why she if she had cancer, she had it so anyway, fast forward a little bit.

00;32;48;02 - 00;33;15;23
Colin Haupt
And to answer your question, I think early on I was so, you know, I was unfortunately familiar with, with the story of breast cancer because my mom was diagnosed with it, very early in her life and ended up passing away from it, too. And so, you know, for me, it was a little bit of, it was a little bit of, deja vu all over again.

00;33;15;26 - 00;34;02;16
Colin Haupt
And, you know, so I was pretty open about, like, when the confirmation came through that she actually did have breast cancer. I, you know, we talked about it, you know, we talked about her getting treated. We talked about her beating this early on. And, and to answer your question, pure was great. Here was amazing day. Again, I remember sharing it with, you know, the CEO, pretty early on after her diagnosis and, they were just all very supportive and typically the first question I would get is, how's Alyssa when I go into a meeting, with our CEO.

00;34;02;18 - 00;34;30;22
Colin Haupt
Yeah. So I met with, you know, met with pretty, pretty regularly. So they were they were great in terms of her appointments and things to do. First of all, she was one of these people who didn't want anyone to join her at her place. She she, you know, she really didn't want me to come because in her, in her, her perspective was, there's nothing you you can do to help me get through.

00;34;30;25 - 00;34;53;17
Colin Haupt
This, this appointment. Like, if you're coming for, for, like, emotional support. I don't need it. No, I'm fine, I'm good. I mean, she was pretty amazing. And I would ask a lot of questions. And I think that annoyed her because she kind of she kind of wanted to figure it out herself. Digest it. Yeah. And then and then be able to ask for support when she needed it.

00;34;53;20 - 00;34;56;27
Colin Haupt
She was just that way. So.

00;34;57;00 - 00;35;07;26
Paul Sullivan
And at that point, you know, 11 years ago when she was diagnosed, how old were your kids then?

00;35;07;29 - 00;35;25;13
Colin Haupt
Christopher was a baby. He was 11. He was six when she was diagnosed. Okay. And Claire, my middle was 11, and Lily was was 12 one.

00;35;25;16 - 00;35;51;07
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. And at that point, you know, we talk about as we define, you know, the deadly dad is is the go to parent, you know, whether he works full time, part time or devotes all those time to his kids and in many cases also, you know, supports his wife in, in her endeavors. And so you really at that point when Allison's diagnosis, you're doing it all, you're you're working at this rocket ship of a company, you got to be there for your kids, but you also have to really support your wife.

00;35;51;07 - 00;35;55;09
Paul Sullivan
And what was that like for you?

00;35;55;11 - 00;36;20;17
Colin Haupt
Yeah. You didn't realize you're going to get into a therapy session, did you? You know, I think, honestly, it was you just, you know, you know, this, like, part of it is adrenaline. Part of it is, is you just lean in, right? Because you had no choice.

00;36;20;19 - 00;36;21;10
Paul Sullivan
Right?

00;36;21;13 - 00;36;55;05
Colin Haupt
You know, I think Allison made it really easy. I hate to say that, but she made it really easy to be a support system to her in a lot of different ways. But most importantly, she didn't ask. She didn't want to burden. She didn't want to feel like she was being a burden to anybody. And so, that was probably her most amazing quality, is that she never wanted to, feel like she was putting anyone out, including including her husband.

00;36;55;07 - 00;37;25;27
Colin Haupt
And, you know, it was just amazing. She, you know, so I think, you know, as a caregiver, like, people say, like, gosh, being a caregiver must have been so hard for so long. But honestly, really, the caregiving, the true caregiving for Allison was really not until she got super, super sick, which was like. You know, early 2018, she was like a superstar.

00;37;26;00 - 00;37;53;21
Colin Haupt
And she went through, you know, a half dozen different treatments before the cancer caught up to her and to every one of those, you know, peaks and volumes, which really is what it was. It was peaks and valleys, roller coaster. You know, you're waiting with bated breath to hear what the results are from the latest scans. I mean, that was we could have a separate podcast on that.

00;37;53;23 - 00;38;14;10
Colin Haupt
It was amazing. I mean, she she would just, you know, belly up to the bar and, you know, whatever the results are, let's, let's, let's deal with them. So I was very fortunate in that she was the first line of, I guess, for lack of a better way to put it, the first line of defense for me, feeling like I was overwhelmed.

00;38;14;13 - 00;38;27;13
Colin Haupt
And then people, you know, sure was great, with lots of family and friends who were supportive. So, a little bit of a blur. Yeah. Know.

00;38;27;16 - 00;38;47;22
Paul Sullivan
I mean, one of the things that we've called for it at the Company of Dads is to ask companies to create, a designated basket of of care days for employees, separate from sick days, separate for bereavement days, certainly separate from vacation days or not vacation days. And it could be used however the person want it too. If, you know.

00;38;47;27 - 00;39;01;02
Paul Sullivan
Yeah, children, spouse, elderly parents. But it sounds to me like even though, you know, pure didn't have a designated care days, it sounds like pure and the CEO were really, understanding of of what was going on.

00;39;01;04 - 00;39;03;08
Colin Haupt
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

00;39;03;08 - 00;39;09;09
Paul Sullivan
We and to put this in perspective, I mean, this company literally in your time went from probably, you know, 100.