EP73: Fatherhood Is Funnier Than You Think

Interview with Todd Detwiler / Illustrator and Author of How To Dad

HOSTED BY PAUL SULLIVAN

There is no shortage of books on parenting but they're written for mothers - only to be read by the rare father. Todd Detwiler set out to change this with his illustrated - and funny - book: How To Dad. It begins with his own Covid parenting stumbles as he worked to figure out what he should do, and when and how to do it. Of all the dadding advice, the section on air travel with kids is worth the price! Listen to how new and experienced dads can learn something new this Father's Day.

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Transcript

00;00;05;10 - 00;00;27;09
Paul Sullivan
Welcome to the Company of Dads podcast, where we explore the sweet, silly, strange and sublime aspects of being a lead dad in a world where men who are the go to parents aren't always accepted at work, among their friends or in the community for what they're doing. I'm your host. Also, our podcast is just one of the many things we produce each week at the Company of Dads.

00;00;27;09 - 00;00;55;14
Paul Sullivan
We have various features, including the lead dad of the week. We have our community both online and in person. The the new resource library for all fathers had just launched. The one Stop shop for all of this is our newsletter for dad, so sign up today at the Company of dads.com backslash. The dad. Today my guest is Todd Michael Detwiler, known professionally as T.M. Detwiler.

00;00;55;16 - 00;01;28;22
Paul Sullivan
He's a noted illustrator, designer, and visual artist. He's been an art director for magazines as varied as rolling Stone, Men's Health and Popular Science. He worked for peloton. Now we're talking to him today because he's written recently written How to Dad, an illustrated instruction manual for first time fathers. It's funny and it's helpful. Todd and his wife, Ali live in Detroit with their two children, Teddy, who is three, and Veda, who is two.

00;01;28;25 - 00;01;32;15
Paul Sullivan
Welcome, Todd to the company Dads podcast.

00;01;32;17 - 00;01;36;07
Todd Detwiler
Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

00;01;36;09 - 00;01;47;27
Paul Sullivan
Just, you know, from your data to settle an argument, that I have with some of my dad friends. Is my peloton judging me for not riding it enough?

00;01;47;29 - 00;02;08;28
Todd Detwiler
That's about it. It's interesting you say that. I would say that everybody that I, interact with at peloton is very conscious of how it makes you feel. So I would say that they they probably are encouraging you as much as they can without making you feel bad.

00;02;09;01 - 00;02;24;17
Paul Sullivan
Oh. The email me, the email me all the time. Like, here's your past week. Woeful. I they don't say it unspoken. I read between the lines and it's like is that is that is that a layer of dust on your on your seat and your peloton? How would that happen?

00;02;24;19 - 00;02;35;25
Todd Detwiler
That's really funny you say that. Yeah. There's there are teams in place that work especially hard on crafting just the right verbiage.

00;02;35;27 - 00;03;07;00
Paul Sullivan
All right. Three and two. Those are some pandemic babies, man. That's what we're talking about here. You're iPad. Tell me about how it came to be. You and your family living in Detroit in an old character filled house. You start out, it's always a lonely journey when you become a dad for the first time, but you become a dad during a global pandemic.

00;03;07;02 - 00;03;11;08
Paul Sullivan
So what was that like?

00;03;11;11 - 00;03;37;26
Todd Detwiler
You know, I think there was some unique things about it. Because of the pandemic. So our firstborn, Teddy, was born in New York City. We were living in Jersey city, but we had moved from Manhattan to Jersey city. And then my wife was pregnant and. Yeah, pandemic hit. And then Teddy was born. And it's interesting.

00;03;37;27 - 00;03;59;16
Todd Detwiler
So you have all these doctors appointments, right? With masks on. And it feels, you know, like, not as personal as it should be. The thing I noticed about these, these visits for first time dads and this is pandemic or now, is that you quickly go into that room. You find out that you're probably the fourth most important person in that room.

00;03;59;19 - 00;04;03;07
Paul Sullivan
If that there that that that. Oh, yeah.

00;04;03;09 - 00;04;31;15
Todd Detwiler
You're like, I remember going in think and all right, I'm here. I'm part of this journey. I'm going to participate. I want to be involved. Everything. I want to be as involved as partners and a doctor. I don't anything like that makes like this is this is not your journey. So it's interesting, but, you know, you realize that, and then you realize that your place is really supporting, and it's really how everything that you can do find your moments to be extremely helpful.

00;04;31;17 - 00;04;37;15
Todd Detwiler
And what are those moments? And then then, you know, do it.

00;04;37;18 - 00;05;02;22
Paul Sullivan
So I, you know, my, first daughter, who's almost 14, she was delivered by my college roommate, dad. Now, this wasn't so for you. These actually qualified you to live obstetrician. Well known where we live. Delivered 11,000 plus babies. So, because I had this relationship with him since I was, you know, 18 years old, I got included.

00;05;02;22 - 00;05;19;24
Paul Sullivan
I felt more included. Like, you know, I wasn't excluded like a lot of that. And then we get to the hospital, we deliver the baby at Stanford Hospital. We live in southern Connecticut. And I get there and I'm so excited. And here I am. I'm the dad, and I get handed the form for the birth certificate, and it nowhere on the form did they care about me at all.

00;05;19;24 - 00;05;23;17
Paul Sullivan
It's like mother's name. Where for from? What about me?

00;05;23;23 - 00;05;24;17
Todd Detwiler
Like.

00;05;24;20 - 00;05;31;27
Paul Sullivan
What about me? And that was that, you know, just like you're saying, like you're not, you're there, but, you know, you're not always there.

00;05;32;00 - 00;05;56;26
Todd Detwiler
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And it's I think it's important for dads to sort of realize that maybe, but also don't let that hinder their involvement in, you know, they can take notes. They can, be there for all these pre pre baby's arrival meetings and these appointments because there are many and then in the room the baby arrives.

00;05;56;26 - 00;06;22;29
Todd Detwiler
You know dad as much as the part and as mom as I love I love it. I didn't realize how much I love babies. But babies, you know, realize it's baby until they get to be toddlers like they are now. Babies are easy. It really is pretty simple. You know, I guess I cry a little bit and they wake up in the night, but they just want to be, you know, said for the most part, worked changed.

00;06;22;29 - 00;06;36;17
Paul Sullivan
I get when people complain about, oh, the diapers, like, give me a break, man. If the only thing I had to do the rest of my life has changed diapers. That's just logistics that you add and you get so good at it. After a while, they come up boom, boom, boom. It just gets more complicated as you go along.

00;06;36;19 - 00;06;41;02
Todd Detwiler
So in the book, I there's a spread on how to change a diaper.

00;06;41;02 - 00;06;41;26
Paul Sullivan
Yeah, I know, I've seen it.

00;06;41;26 - 00;07;00;22
Todd Detwiler
Yeah. Here's the truth. You don't need this spread. You do it once or twice because you're going to do it a couple hundred times. I get that for the first few months and that first year that you get so good at it, it's just a repetition thing. And, it seems silly putting it in there. But hey, here's what it looks like.

00;07;00;27 - 00;07;13;21
Paul Sullivan
You're putting you're putting it in there for the guys who are yet to be dads. And there are certain things they worry about because they don't know that that's really the least of your worries is changing the baby's diaper.

00;07;13;24 - 00;07;31;14
Todd Detwiler
There's so much like it is. So maybe you did the same thing before you were a dad. You know, you probably read a book or two or at least did some research. And you understand, you see babies before you know what you're getting yourself into. However, what do you really like? What really goes on during pregnancy? How long is it?

00;07;31;14 - 00;07;50;10
Todd Detwiler
What kind of visits? What's the birth like? What do I have to do when there is a baby? Like, what is involved? I've never changed a diaper before. I changed my son's. And so I did read some books, and I found them. Some of them are good. The one big book out there, the, what to expect.

00;07;50;12 - 00;07;53;05
Paul Sullivan
When you're expecting. Yeah. What to expect when you're expecting.

00;07;53;08 - 00;08;11;23
Todd Detwiler
It's it's incredibly written by, some very smart and talented people. However, I found it a little terrifying because they go into a lot of details and a lot of scenarios that could play out. I'm like, there's this is a lot. This is a lot of medical stuff. And it reads that way. And it's a little it was a little scary.

00;08;11;25 - 00;08;39;15
Todd Detwiler
I thought, and some other books I read made it a little too casual. Little too Roe. And, like, that was all a lot of it wasn't enough pictures for me as a visual person. So, I was inspired by what was out there. I was like, I think I can, I think I can do a book where it's a lot of visuals, don't they don't focus on all the the possible bad things that can happen because there's plenty.

00;08;39;18 - 00;09;02;13
Todd Detwiler
There are plenty. But, you know, just skim get new dads sort of list. No idea of what's in store. You know, some big words, some buzzy things to talk like you're going to hear during pregnancy and during the birth. Take that information and then you'll be ready to hear it. And you can build on it.

00;09;02;15 - 00;09;21;19
Paul Sullivan
I know that, you know, a couple years ago, we, moved from our first house to the house. And now, because we had a baby, you know, more kids ran a space, and I moved all the books to the bookshelves. And we probably have 40 parenting books. And I would say 80% of them have the most pristine spines you've ever seen.

00;09;21;21 - 00;09;42;15
Paul Sullivan
You know, another 15% of them. You know, there's a dog eared page, but it's only like, you know, 30 pages in, you know, so, like, there's all of this knowledge sitting there, none of which, I actually acquired before I need it. I sort of learn on the job, but the way you set up this book, how to do that, the way you've set it up by by, you know, and it's not they're really good visuals, but you're it's not it's not silly.

00;09;42;15 - 00;09;59;28
Paul Sullivan
It's like, here's here's how to do it. There's some you know, it takes I like an even like I want to get to the airplane in a cycle. But there even some ones that are you. But when you were thinking about, okay, there's so much to put into a book like this and as you said, you didn't want it to be any of the, you know, the possible bad things that can happen.

00;10;00;00 - 00;10;09;25
Paul Sullivan
How did you how did you curated, how did you think about, okay, this is a Santa. This isn't, you know, when you're talking to people to get their feedback, how did this that process play out?

00;10;09;27 - 00;10;29;29
Todd Detwiler
So I think it started with like creating the outline of the book, that I, I chopped the book around a little bit. There was one publisher who was interested and basically, a pitch deck, you know, there wasn't much to it. And then I created an outline off of it, and that outline really guided the book.

00;10;30;01 - 00;10;56;18
Todd Detwiler
And it started very broad and very big. And then we filled in a lot of those spots with even more detail, of certain things there. It's chronological. All right. So it starts from pregnancy tests. And the only advice I have for anybody for pregnancy test is, is spend a little bit more to get those ones that just say pregnant or not pregnant.

00;10;56;21 - 00;11;04;03
Todd Detwiler
The lines that are faded and they get a sample. Your mind's thinking, well, maybe this is maybe this that just get get the ones that.

00;11;04;03 - 00;11;08;22
Paul Sullivan
It's a couple extra bucks, a couple extra bucks. Not going to say bye kids or expense. It would be the, you know, it's.

00;11;08;22 - 00;11;37;03
Todd Detwiler
Money well spent. Yeah, yeah. And it's chronological all the way, to the kids about a year. And so, yeah, figuring out what to put in, what to leave out. I think we tried to hit a lot of, like, the main key components and a lot of the words that are, that are out there, that you're going to hear, especially at, like, doctor's appointments, but also, during the first trimester, second trimester, third trimester.

00;11;37;06 - 00;11;57;18
Todd Detwiler
We dedicate a lot. I say we, it because it was it was me that wrote the book that illustrated the book. But I had a great team of editors, as well, that helped out, a lot. I'm not a writer, as it turns out, Paul, I am an illustrator. And I needed, some some guidance and some, some molding, I think at times.

00;11;57;20 - 00;12;00;11
Todd Detwiler
And they were very helpful, in that regard.

00;12;00;13 - 00;12;07;01
Paul Sullivan
Did anybody on that team push back and say, Todd, what are you, a fucking first time father or something like that? That that doesn't go in there?

00;12;07;03 - 00;12;23;22
Todd Detwiler
The funniest thing I think I remember happening was, this is very early on board, and, I told them I was like, not everybody knew that our second veto was on the way. And I was like, you know, beta is going to be here probably in the next three months. And it was a guy that was our director, but I had no information.

00;12;23;22 - 00;12;42;27
Todd Detwiler
Right. So he just starts laughing. He's like, yeah, but yeah, another one coming in three months. He's like, this book, this book is never getting done. I was like talking about I work, I work late at night. I'll be able to get this thing done, no problem. And, he was. I missed my deadline, and they extended it another year.

00;12;43;02 - 00;12;54;14
Todd Detwiler
So this is a this is a two year book. This is how long it took. Because it was so right, you know, that when two kids arrived, my time shrank, wholly about what?

00;12;54;15 - 00;13;25;21
Paul Sullivan
And and it doesn't shrink geometrically. It shrinks exponentially. And I wrote my first book, came out shortly after our first daughter was born. And that was pretty easy because, you know, as my wife got more tired as a pregnancy went on, I like you. I would work at night. I finished it at day job, New York Times finished up my run, and then I sell another book, which is due, you know, shortly after our second daughter is, is is set to arrive on this earth and same arrogant, same like what do you.

00;13;25;22 - 00;13;43;27
Paul Sullivan
This is easy. And not only this story is worse than yours. Because I turned in the second book. That was like a pile of drivel like blah blah that I am very tired and like and nothing to do. And the editor took me aside. I think you I take another crack at this. Like, what do you mean?

00;13;44;02 - 00;13;55;16
Paul Sullivan
Talking about like you got it anyway. And so that was another year on top of it. And I'm like, okay, I get it. And there hasn't been a third book, so,

00;13;55;19 - 00;14;20;02
Todd Detwiler
It's funny, talking about this because I look back when I was just, my wife Sally and I, no kids, and I wonder what the hell we were doing with our time. I don't it's I we must have been doing nothing like nothing. It feels like, because our know. Yeah. Two kids, I mean, any kids, your time is.

00;14;20;05 - 00;14;32;14
Todd Detwiler
It's gone. It's like it's gone. It's with your children, and it's lovely. It's awesome. You know, I wouldn't I wouldn't exchange at all. I just but I do look back or we tell. I don't remember what we were doing next, but you.

00;14;32;14 - 00;14;51;24
Paul Sullivan
You were reading, the Sunday New York Times on Sunday. You're keeping up on your New Yorkers. You were having brunch with your friends. You were, on your peloton all the time. So it wasn't judging you as my peloton judge is me. And then suddenly that all evaporates. And now it is a whole series of guilt.

00;14;51;24 - 00;15;03;27
Paul Sullivan
Like, I'm actually reading this book right now that I really, really like, and I just but I, I'm trying like, how do I get the time to read? I don't want to read a page and a half. I want to sit down and read, you know, to 20 pages. Your time evaporates.

00;15;03;29 - 00;15;13;08
Todd Detwiler
It's so funny, he said. Brunch with friends. I remember. It's like it came back to me. I used to have brunch with friends today. Severe night, you know, books there.

00;15;13;08 - 00;15;30;14
Paul Sullivan
I eat at urinals, read books even when you're trying to be read a book that that's meant to to to help people. In that first year, help people kind of get into this ease into this role of, of D&D. You know, there's some of you in it, there's some of you or a lot of you in a lot of your personality in it.

00;15;30;21 - 00;15;37;13
Paul Sullivan
How would you describe your dating style?

00;15;37;15 - 00;15;38;04
Paul Sullivan
Of it.

00;15;38;04 - 00;16;03;07
Todd Detwiler
I take a lot of cues, maybe from how I was brought up. My own dad I love very much. He's passed on, but, you know, I, I just want to give my kids kind of great structure and nothing but love. But at the same time, you have to find these moments. Where are you going to be, you know, constructive and disciplined, and you have to like, you know, make them good, good people.

00;16;03;10 - 00;16;23;06
Todd Detwiler
And it's pretty natural, I think, for my wife and I to do that. However, it's interesting when they first start talking, I caught myself doing that and I was like, wait a minute. But based on it, first, start talking. You're so excited that they're saying that they're like, they're pointing to it like an apple. Oh, you want an apple?

00;16;23;07 - 00;16;38;14
Todd Detwiler
Here you go at it's awesome. What's this a knife going like? Yeah. Here's my take. You know, you're like wait wait wait wait a second. Just because they're saying something, then they want it and you kind of just give them to them for a little bit. And I'm like, wait, no, no, no, you got to filter and edit and you got to be a parent.

00;16;38;16 - 00;16;39;18
Todd Detwiler
What what do you need?

00;16;39;18 - 00;16;43;26
Paul Sullivan
$100 bill for your three years? What? Know. Give that back. You don't need that, right?

00;16;44;03 - 00;16;59;20
Todd Detwiler
Yeah, exactly. But you find out that, yeah, you can build these little barriers and, I mean, you get to say no. And then, my wife's better at it than I am. So I kind of spoil our daughter a little bit because she kind of. I kind of give her what she wants a lot because, I don't know, she's my daughter.

00;16;59;23 - 00;17;23;04
Todd Detwiler
My son. I'm a bit, a bit more, turquoise, I guess, when it comes to, what he's allowed to do or not with TV, screen times or TV or whatever. My daughter seems to get everything, but parenting style, I think it's mostly just, you know, it's very loving and it's very caring, and, I love spending time with them.

00;17;23;06 - 00;17;43;09
Todd Detwiler
And, whenever they were younger, I remember, if they were just crying and they weren't going to stop crying, giving them their time in a crib and being able to walk away. I think that's an important note if you need, if you get overwhelmed, when they're a baby, not when they get older, you know, you just can't leave.

00;17;43;09 - 00;18;03;16
Todd Detwiler
But, you can put them in a crib and monitor them and step out of a room, and and take your take your time. Take those moments, you know, but, yeah, I think I'm still working on my parents style and how to be a dad. As they grow up, they ask more questions. They want to do more things.

00;18;03;18 - 00;18;22;02
Todd Detwiler
They want to do everything that I'm doing. So Teddy will help me cook eggs, which is really fun. But at the same time, it's pretty hot pan. And so yeah, you have to learn that. And he knows, but how much do you let him do? You know, can you flip the egg? I think he can, but he needs some guidance.

00;18;22;02 - 00;18;29;15
Todd Detwiler
I think it's so AP. So I think I'm trying to be empowering. As much empowering as I can while keeping them safe.

00;18;29;18 - 00;18;56;19
Paul Sullivan
I love it, but, you know, given, you know, your your professional career, you're either you are an illustrator. You you, presumably work, in your, in your home, you carve out time to, to get the stuff done that you need to get done. How have you, you know, three years into being, a dad, how have you been able to set a designate time and space for you to be creative?

00;18;56;21 - 00;19;10;21
Paul Sullivan
To fulfill your obligations, things that you've been commissioned to do versus, you know, a three and a two year old. They there's been a lot of their lives, at or around home. Now, how do you manage that?

00;19;10;23 - 00;19;40;21
Todd Detwiler
It's not easy. I think it's important to find time, for yourself, for your passions as well as your work. Teddy and Peter both go to daycare. So I think that's essential because my wife and I do both work from home. And if they were here, nothing. Nothing would get done. Even if we did, like, live in, nanny of some kind, that it just wouldn't work because our offices are here before, even if the kids are here with somebody else, they just wanna know what we're doing.

00;19;40;25 - 00;20;05;12
Todd Detwiler
So they would just park, so that the daycare is an essential part, of getting things done. And then I do work at night a lot. And so there is a pretty big gap at that time from pickup, daycare, dinner time, bedtime, bedtime. But, usually I'm on, I'm there and that is not time for me.

00;20;05;14 - 00;20;22;17
Todd Detwiler
But after that, you know, I'm exhausted, but I can still have time to do, to do work and to focus on me. I've got a great wife. Very lucky. And so, we help each other out. That way. If somebody needs to go do something, they go do it. The kids are old enough. They're getting.

00;20;22;18 - 00;20;39;19
Todd Detwiler
They're getting easier. And this is true for all all dads out there. Now, who are they? Realize this are for new dads who have yet to realize this. It gets easier. Yeah. As they get a little older, and then I'm sure it gets harder again.

00;20;39;22 - 00;20;42;10
Paul Sullivan
But I think it's different. Yeah.

00;20;42;13 - 00;21;06;00
Todd Detwiler
Yeah. Toddlers. Toddlers are tricky because they're very mobile, and but they're always finding themselves in very dangerous situations. They like to jump. They're always beat up, like they're always cut on something that scratches and stuff. So you kind of set them on to them when they're in another room. They're like, they can go into another room now, which is great.

00;21;06;00 - 00;21;16;08
Todd Detwiler
You don't have to follow them and watch what you're doing. But if things get too quiet, you get really? Yeah. You got to go check on, you know? Yeah.

00;21;16;11 - 00;21;29;28
Paul Sullivan
It's different, you know, you're working from home. Always working from home. Wherever you are, you're working for yourself in a lot of ways. But you're working what we've call that the company of dads, a care shift. And this is something we really push for. I'm sure it sounds like, you know, you doing a little bit of work.

00;21;30;01 - 00;21;50;00
Paul Sullivan
You getting stuff set up before the kids, you know, when they get up, then you're taking them to daycare. Then you're working that chunk of time during the day, and then you're stopping. They come home, you you gotta focus on them. Wonderful family time. But then you're working again at night. And this is something that we advocate for, you know, not somebody in a creative field like you though it obviously works.

00;21;50;00 - 00;22;12;18
Paul Sullivan
But but for all workers to show that, you know, Covid, a lot of bad things happen in Covid. But some of the good things were it taught us that we could, you know, work in really focused chunks and get everything done. And I'm going to guess that for you, that was is probably a very different way of working than you were working in in 2019, where you had kids.

00;22;12;20 - 00;22;34;14
Todd Detwiler
I worked very differently before kids. I like what you said. I think that you're exactly right. Before kids, I had a lot more freedom, and I would stay late, like, 2:00 in the morning. Was was was pretty normal to to work that late. Now, there's no way I could get it past 11 1130, maybe before I'm just completely zapped.

00;22;34;17 - 00;22;56;06
Todd Detwiler
Weekends or weekends are a lot of fun, but there's little work getting done on the weekends. And weekends used to be a time for me to really catch up on work. Most freelance projects or, and before peloton, it was nothing but freelance projects. So, it was always a time for me to catch up. But the weekends do get swallowed, by fun and I.

00;22;56;07 - 00;23;20;09
Todd Detwiler
It's not swallowed up. It's not like a good bad. It's just different. So, the weekends are for family, and they're for the kids, and we do fun stuff. We're outside and go do things. I'll go see, the things I want to do, they want to see, like, Blippi Live was a recent concert we went to, which is, you know, if you don't know Blippi, not exactly.

00;23;20;11 - 00;23;24;05
Paul Sullivan
Taylor Swift, but, Taylor Swift for a different demographic.

00;23;24;07 - 00;23;41;00
Todd Detwiler
Shorter? Yeah. She's, singing, dancing Harlequin of sorts. And he was on tour. It was cool, fun. The kids loved it. But, you know, I do those certain things at the zoo. It's fun. In the weekends.

00;23;41;03 - 00;23;53;06
Paul Sullivan
To listen to you. Man. You were a cool guy. You were, a graphic designer living in New York City, and now you're talking about Blippi and, you know, tour dates. Okay, this this shows the change that we all go through.

00;23;53;09 - 00;24;05;01
Todd Detwiler
What happened? Yeah. No. It's true. I'm not sure how cool I ever was, but. Yeah, if anybody wants, you know, the Blippi tour schedule, you know, I'll see you.

00;24;05;03 - 00;24;08;12
Paul Sullivan
Get an autograph. Did you get backstage passes with buddy?

00;24;08;15 - 00;24;13;00
Todd Detwiler
Teddy actually got his photo taken with Blippi, so it's big.

00;24;13;00 - 00;24;35;10
Paul Sullivan
Yeah, I remember my my oldest daughter was young. She was obsessed with Elmo. And we went to this breakfast with Elmo and she was overwhelmed. She was about two years old. It's overwhelmed. And she kept following him and hugging him. And she just loved Elmo so much. But it's difficult because every other child to have his or her time with Elmo.

00;24;35;12 - 00;24;55;05
Paul Sullivan
When I look through the book, I love it. You know, like you try at the top some tactical stuff, you know, assembling the nursery, furniture, diapering. We talked about that some, you know, caregiving, some serious stuff. Kids joking, you know, what do you do? Talk about the part. The pages in the book about air travel with kids.

00;24;55;05 - 00;25;11;21
Paul Sullivan
Because if there's ever, a before and after in a human's life, it air travel without kids. When you can be as judgy as you want, you can do whatever the heck you want on that plane and then air travel with kids.

00;25;11;24 - 00;25;34;12
Todd Detwiler
So I can speak to a couple of things. We've done it wrong, a couple, I've seen other parents really kind of nail it out of the park. And it all depends how old your kid happens to be. You get the baby, you're getting made in the shade. You got a lap, kid. Dig it. And if it's a baby, you know, maybe not so fast.

00;25;34;12 - 00;26;01;21
Todd Detwiler
I would go for a little bit, but you'll see her pacifier. Maybe we'll go to the changing table in the bathroom. Oh, good. The kid's not like it's not crawling around the airplane. So you got it? Got the kid. I'm in trouble. We recently took a trip. We went down to Florida for a long weekend, and we, we had Teddy just in a seat, and then baby had a seat, too, so we bought four seats, and, like, the kids are just going to sit there.

00;26;01;24 - 00;26;19;09
Todd Detwiler
It will give us ones or something. They're good. Okay. They they were good for about 15 minutes I'd say. Yeah. And then I and then they just wanted to crawl around literally. It's like the illustration I drew. It's almost comical. Like they just wanted to crawl over the seats and under the seats and down. I'm like, what? What are we doing?

00;26;19;09 - 00;26;34;23
Todd Detwiler
What do we think? We who are we? And then, like about five rows in front of us, we I saw all these people coming in. I'm like, look at these loser parents. They don't know what they're doing. They brought in the car seats and they put them in the seat. And then the kid was like a toddler.

00;26;34;26 - 00;26;56;18
Todd Detwiler
They put the kid in the car seat, and it was also in the plane seat. And I'm like, this is all this is a lot of luggage they're bringing along just to put the kid seat. Like, how paranoid are these people? However, there are geniuses because the kid is used to sitting in the car seat for a long period of time, buckled in and strapped in it, couldn't move, couldn't get out.

00;26;56;20 - 00;27;08;21
Todd Detwiler
So it worked like their kid was just sitting there. Eat is crackers, watching TV or something? Not getting out of the seat where our kids are. Yeah, it was a nightmare. And so.

00;27;08;23 - 00;27;21;25
Paul Sullivan
You know, they're doing that, don't you? Do you know, they're they're they're judging you like those two losers over there who don't bring the car seat. What do they think they think that that cool? Hey, Mr. Cool Guy hair. Yeah, that's going to go great.

00;27;21;27 - 00;27;35;08
Todd Detwiler
Now, it was so funny that I was thinking that about them. And then we were getting the plan. How they pointed that out to me. I was like, oh my God, we really screwed that. We really screwed up there. And they're probably the same thing. I look at those idiots sitting there like fucking rookies.

00;27;35;10 - 00;27;53;03
Paul Sullivan
They make this great device that you get, that you have a car seat and you actually buckle it in and it turns it into like, a roller bag and you literally strap the kid into the car seat, but the wheels on the back and roll the kid do that. I love that thing. That was fantastic. One pro tip here.

00;27;53;10 - 00;28;10;13
Paul Sullivan
Pro tip. And when you get this, go, go to my ass when it does that to your audience. My wife was genius at this early on. Like when we would fly with the little kid, we would address the people in front of us, behind us, into the side of us. And we'd say, if you would like a drink, let us know what drink you would like and we will buy it for you.

00;28;10;13 - 00;28;30;01
Paul Sullivan
And nobody ever took us up on it, but it broke the ice as to like, I don't know what's going to happen. This could be a good time or one flight of Thanksgiving down Florida for Thanksgiving. And my daughter, now my 14 year old Suzanne, you know, two ish, screamed the entire time, screamed the entire, like, 85%, 90% of the flight.

00;28;30;08 - 00;28;46;00
Paul Sullivan
She was screaming. And then she was done. And she says, you know, she grabs my hand, she wants to walk up and down the aisle, and I'm like, fuck that. I'm not walking up and down that aisle with you. You were a marked woman. The everybody on this plane hate you right now. I'm not going be like, parade up and down the aisle and they.

00;28;46;00 - 00;28;46;20
Paul Sullivan
Come on daddy.

00;28;46;20 - 00;28;49;21
Todd Detwiler
Daddy, daddy walk. Dad is like,

00;28;49;24 - 00;28;52;12
Paul Sullivan
Man, I remember that stuff. Well.

00;28;52;15 - 00;29;11;16
Todd Detwiler
That's. Yeah, we've all been there, you know, we've had other. You been on a plane, another screaming babies or something? Yeah. But that's not a bad idea. Like the drink offer is. Yeah. It's great. It's a great idea to say, hey, okay, this one's on me. I got this, everybody. It's. I don't know what the hell is going to happen.

00;29;11;16 - 00;29;17;02
Todd Detwiler
You don't know? Like, the kids are so good sometimes or not. And it's just. It's just the way they are.

00;29;17;05 - 00;29;39;18
Paul Sullivan
That's what it is. Todd. That while the author of How to Dad, thoroughly enjoyed our time together. Thank you for being on the company daddy's podcast. Last question to you, what was the thing that you, you learned the most about in in writing, in illustrating this book?

00;29;39;20 - 00;30;00;03
Todd Detwiler
You might like this. I think the it wasn't necessarily about any discovery about being a dad. It was more of an appreciation for writers in general. I'd say that as well as sort of just the effort that goes into creating something like a book. There's a great deal of effort involved. It was it started out really fun.

00;30;00;06 - 00;30;23;01
Todd Detwiler
And then eventually it just became work, like a lot of work. I did it for my kids. I probably would I would never have done it had it not been for my kids. They they're the inspiration for the book. The reason I finished the book, everything that's in there was inspired by them in some fashion.

00;30;23;04 - 00;30;47;11
Todd Detwiler
And I really, you know, as I was doing and putting, all the, the details into it, I my hope is that first time dads, new dads, you're not a dad yet. You're going to be you find out you're. I hope that the book gives you like, you know, a menu of what's to come and, what some things are going to be in store for.

00;30;47;11 - 00;31;08;22
Todd Detwiler
It's not all going to be the same. His father was just not. It's not a one size fits all thing. But if it gives you, like, some solace and he gives you a little bit of, informative, like, information about what's to come, then, you know, I think I've done my job and go back to you.

00;31;08;22 - 00;31;20;19
Todd Detwiler
I think there's nothing better than being a father, so I hope you appreciate it. The moment every second with your kids. Awesome. And, hope you enjoy being a dad.

00;31;20;21 - 00;31;25;21
Paul Sullivan
Thank you again, Todd. I thoroughly enjoyed having you on the Company of Dads podcast today.

00;31;25;24 - 00;31;28;21
Todd Detwiler
Thank you Paul. This was awesome. I appreciate it.

00;31;28;24 - 00;31;54;03
Paul Sullivan
Thank you for listening to the Company Dads podcast. I also want to thank the people who make this podcast and everything else that we do. The Company of dads, possible, Helder, Mirror, who is our audio producer, Lindsay Decker hand is all of our social media. Terry Brennan, who's helping us with the newsletter and audience acquisition. Emily Servin, who is our web maestro, and of course, Evan Roosevelt, who is working side by side with me.

00;31;54;03 - 00;32;11;25
Paul Sullivan
And many of the things that we do here at the Company of Dads. It's a great team. And we're, we're just trying to bring you the best in fatherhood. Remember, the one stop shop for everything is our newsletter, the dad. Sign up at the Company of dads.com backslash. The dad. Thank you again for listening.