Dr. Kimber:
I am so grateful you're here. What a treat. 2024. Grateful to have you along. I know this is a regular episode, but I want to encourage you. I'm gonna do some reflection like I do in my pause episodes as well. So if you want to take a moment to settle in while I am doing this intro, I encourage you You to grab a pen and paper. If you want to write down your reflections, I know some of you are gonna be moving around.
Dr. Kimber:
And so if that is you in this moment, I want to encourage you to Soften your forehead. Soften your hands, whatever you're doing. Wiggle your toes. Take the tongue off the roof of your mouth. And if it is comfortable for you to roll your head Just slowly back and forth, kind of ear to shoulder. Just a nice, gentle stretch. And I just want to invite you to settle in Before I jump into some of the reflection, I want to just mention that one of the resources I Offer is my newsletter. It comes out twice a month and it has reflection questions.
Dr. Kimber:
It's really a, invitation to slow down, to reflect. One reader wrote in and said, we're sitting around at the dinner table discussing some of your thoughts and reading your poems. And I just want to invite you to sign up for that. It is a very Easy unsubscribe if it's not your jam. You will find it over at my website, dr kimber.net.net. And you can sign up over there. So today I want to start by giving you a poem that I wrote 2 years ago when I was doing spiritual direction. And I was really learning and re orienting myself.
Dr. Kimber:
That God is everywhere. God is not when I am just praying, when I'm even thinking about divine and sacred things. But God, in fact, It's in every breath, every I blink. And I would love to just start out with an invitation to for you to see if any lines or words strike you Or as Christine over at Abby of the Arts says in her classes, shimmer. Kind of listening for that shimmer. So let me just start with that. Cracked and broken, I wait. For what I know is coming, rain, in the form of a kind word.
Dr. Kimber:
In a form of grace and forgiveness when I wronged. In the form of a sunset showing off her colors, in the form of social justice so all people Can feel cracked and broken without hypervigilance. Maybe wait May we wait together as tillers and caregivers for his reign. Cracked and broken, I wait for what I know is coming, Reign. In the form of a kind word, in a form of grace and forgiveness when I wronged, in the form of a sunset showing off her colors, in the form of social justice, so all people can feel cracked and broken without hypervigilance. May we wait together as tillers and caregivers for his reign. So just take a moment and see if anything lands that you wanna write down. Any thoughts, feelings come up.
Dr. Kimber:
Wanna give you kind of this embodied experience of what it's like to slow down when the turning of the years can feel as if suddenly we have this And it's like we're racing. Like, the gun has gone off at a race, and we are sprinting. And so many changes that we do that last, They're slow. They're they need to be sustainable. A fast sprint really only works in racing, athletics, or if you're being chased by a lion. This episode is really this invitation to slow down and to practice what it's like to be listening to something outside of yourself, listening for the divine, listening for words or images that shimmer, that require stretching. So one of my practices is to make a vision board. And the way that I love to do a vision board is go through magazines, and I often do it with my family.
Dr. Kimber:
Like, think extended family. Everyone who wants to who is at Christmas, We do it together, and then we sit around a circle, and everyone presents their vision boards. It is One of the most sacred times of being together, I will say. It is Just a delight. And so I wanna plant that seed should that fit your family. You learn things about people that you would never learn by hearing them share what struck them in the magazines and the words. So we really in our practice of it, we're we're trying to get at maybe those thoughts that aren't concrete yet, and that's why the invitation is to really notice what strikes you and to not ask the question why, but just go with it. So we cut out images from these magazines.
Dr. Kimber:
We have Just a broad a broad range of magazines even I think we used Costco connection. I mean, We just grab whatever because, images are images wherever you find them, and words are words. And So we just see what lands. And for me, what the word of the year for me that has Come to the forefront is the word passion, and I will be mulling over that word. And so I want to invite you if you like to find a word for the year and you haven't done so. I just wanna say it's never too late to start listening maybe instead of Social media scrolling for several nights, you could read things and see what's standing out to you, or have conversations with friends, coworkers, and see what's starting to emerge for you. But there's nothing magical about January 1st. You don't have to have your word yet.
Dr. Kimber:
And what I love to do, I absolutely love Gretchen Rubin's, list that she makes based off a word. So she has 24 in 24, and you make a list of 24 things that you want to Hold yourself accountable for. And you can use your word as something to, direct These you know, your goals or your intentions, if you want. So last year's word for me was release, which felt A little bit like a cheat because I was releasing my book. I, released I put on there we have a a back machine. So got that set up again because it had not been set up for a while. So That was another thing, releasing work and going on vacation. So I had several things like that, stretching, being, accountable to movement.
Dr. Kimber:
So releasing my stress. And that was super fun because I was a faithful accountability partner to Cheryl. We were faithful in showing up They're at the gym. Super fun. So I'm looking forward to what 24 and 24 will bring. I will Say at the time of this recording, I do not have everything on that list done because I just came to my word maybe, well, I don't know, a few days after Christmas. So I like to marinate on those 24 for ideas that I'm gonna commit myself to. So you could head over to her website to find that download if That would be helpful, or you can write a list in your notebook.
Dr. Kimber:
But 24 things that you're committing to do for the year based off your word, if you wanna do it that way. You don't have to. You could just list 24 Random things, that's fine as well. Another practice that I have is to, Pick a spiritual discipline. My spiritual practices are really important to me. I Do them for a year. And they never fail to stretch me, to challenge me, to reveal parts of myself that need growth. I like to also listen for A spiritual discipline.
Dr. Kimber:
And, you know, it can be something as exciting as the spiritual discipline of where you are intending on celebrating for the whole year. Maybe you don't do a good job of stopping and celebrating people in your life, your successes, maybe Even the celebration of getting up in the morning and doing something hard. So I mean, you can celebrate anything. I think there's so many national something days. Right? There's a national ice cream day, national. Who knows? But it's you know, you could even use that as a calendar, like, to enter into the spirit of celebration. So there's things like that. There's also, you know, that I have done in the past, Or the spiritual discipline of hospitality, where I'm committing to to hosting more dinners, and and showing hospitality, having more guests, to also things that you already do.
Dr. Kimber:
Such as if you do chores. What is a spiritual discipline that you could Do you already that you could intend upon when you already do something? And what it's What you're practicing is just not letting your mind wander or thinking about all the ways you're right or how somebody is really blowing it. You know, our minds just get caught in these stories. And so when we have a spiritual discipline, it can help us rewire our brain. It can help us rethink about how we spend our moments here on this earth. And I think it puts a spotlight on things. So If you you know, I don't care what your spiritual beliefs are. If you if you believe in a higher being, or the universe, or or, you know, whatever it is.
Dr. Kimber:
You You can show up spiritually. And so the question for you would be, how do you do that? If you follow a Judeo Christian practice, there are great books, the I I think it's called The Handbook of Spiritual Disciplines by Adele Calhoun. I'll put this in the show notes, But she has a great, a great spiritual discipline book. You know, hers, I don't think hers are intended to last, like, the whole year. That's just something that I do because I do You find that it's easy for me to commit to something even for, like, 3 months, 90 days. I find that those things are Pretty easy for me, but when I commit to something for a longer term, it gives me the opportunity to notice what happens when I get bored, when it gets harder, when, yeah, it's not as exciting. And it also requires more, I think, more of me, more intention. And it can get at that A character change that I am hoping for when I do spiritual discipline.
Dr. Kimber:
So this year, I have chosen the spiritual discipline of stewardship. And I'm excited to dive into that. I wanna do all the different kinds, you know, not just thinking materially, but also, thinking, what is this what does it mean to have stewardship in my emotional life, in my mental life. My word is passion. So How can I have stewardship in my passions and really ask myself to show up? So what might you do? What what are some of the characteristics inside of you that you want to pay attention to or shift. I know I did the spiritual discipline of gentleness, self compassion, because I wanted more patience. I wanted more compassion, gentleness. You know, what are what's the fruit, the character, logical fruit that you're looking for? And might you be able to do that by submitting to a discipline? And somewhat you know, people over the years, because I've Done talks on the spiritual disciplines.
Dr. Kimber:
They're like, oh, they're you know? I was so disciplined in my early my early self. Like, I have a lot of baggage. I just need to go with the flow now, and I would say, okay. And What would happen if you tried something different? What if You went with the flow more intentionally by not planning your spiritual discipline for the whole year, but you thought of what are you gonna commit to in the next couple weeks. That would make it sound seems less burdensome. So I've Said a lot of things in this episode already. I just wanna take a moment to Invite you to see what is landing with you. And so to do that, let's just pause and Soften your forehead.
Dr. Kimber:
Again, soften your jaw. Take the tongue off the roof of your mouth. Soften your hands. Even if you're gripping a pen, You know, what's kind of landing for you? What feels inspiring In the background, you can hear the airplane going over my house. I live in the flight path of the flight schools, so we get lots of small airplanes. Okay. Now that we've done that, I want you to think about Three things well, I want to invite you to think about 3 things this year That would bring you delight. No matter what circumstances you're going through, no matter what feelings are present.
Dr. Kimber:
How could you also invite a shot of delight? And what I mean by this is, I love smells. So this would be an example. And when my son died back in 2006, I this is, you know, this I don't know how this sounds, but I started buying body soap that I absolutely loved the smell of. So that every time I was in the shower, no matter how much grief was in every pore of my being. I would just take that deep inhale of that scent and know that there was something else that was true in that moment. That though I was devastated and grieving, what was also true in that moment as there was a smell that I was enjoying. And There was something very important about that. And smells continue to be something I absolutely love.
Dr. Kimber:
So this year, I am committing more to pausing and putting either oil in my diffuser or lighting a candle. And and in that, I have practiced in 2023 that lighting a candle is this invitation, this reminder of the sacred. And so I'm committing to continue that on. And that is a moment when I just inhale and and smell that. Of course, if it's been going for a while, you know, it kind of goes in the background. My nose is like, oh, this isn't new. But to really enjoy it for what it is in the moment. So that's one thing.
Dr. Kimber:
Another thing that I learned from In 23, if you've been following me at all, you know that I did Gretchen Rubin's, 23 and 23 go outside challenge. And that was phenomenal for me. Oh my goodness. I did not realize that during the week, at times, I could go several days by only going outside to to walk to my car from the office to and from or the grocery store. I mean, It was astounding to me how little time outside I could spend during some of my workdays. Of course, I love being outside, and so there would be other days when I spent tons of hours outside. I'd but it was this reminder of, wow, you need to get outside. There is something very, Important and full and just delightful.
Dr. Kimber:
I mean, my my mood, my My soul was so filled by going outside, even if that meant I was sitting on a step stool while it was raining around me, you know, on my porch. It just the sound of the rain, or If I had forgotten to go outside and try to find the moon, and I live in the Los Angeles area, so the stars are Sadly, most of them are unavailable to my eyes. But just finding, looking for That I don't know. That that shot of nature was really important. So that's another thing I'm gonna I'm gonna be continuing. Then the other the third one for me of what It means to give myself a shot of delight is I'm going to do Gretchen Rubin's, write 24 in 24. So writing 24 minutes, or I think she's Has it also an option of 2 times 4 minutes? Something like that. I can't remember.
Dr. Kimber:
You'll have to, again, kind of look at her material to see. But I love writing, and I don't always make it a daily practice. And so That is the third thing. So candle lighting, getting outside still, into nature, and writing are my 3 things that bring delight to my soul no matter what burdens I'm carrying. And so what what can you commit to That would bring delight to your life. In years past, one of the practices we did was high and lows around the dinner table. What was your high for today? What was your low Point for today. And although we got some complaints about it, we continued the practice.
Dr. Kimber:
We did have the practice happen. And I remember that was so positive because I really learned things about my children that I wouldn't have known. You know? What what does bring them Delight. What is their high? What is their low? That was really fun. Other years, Bringing delight has been committing to a group of girlfriends and meeting once a month. Intentionally sharing our lives, each getting, like, 20 minutes to share and going around in a circle and sharing. So there can be lots of things that you can commit to. It doesn't have to be a daily practice, even a weekly practice.
Dr. Kimber:
But what can you be intentional about? And then finally, what would be one thing that you could adjust in your mental life That would bring you the change that you need. And I'm gonna give you some examples from my own life. 1, Yeah. In a place where I had a lot of despair and darkness. I started practicing gratitude. And when you practice gratitude, there's a lot of science. Robert doctor Robert Emmons has done a lot of research. I think his he has some books.
Dr. Kimber:
They're they're a little bit old, but I think they're still relevant. Lots of lots of science around the goodness of practicing gratitude. And it is definitely a mental shift. If you find yourself struggling with despair, depression, It can be a helpful thing. Maybe your marriage feels really hard, and so practicing Gratitude, or even where the circumstances that you find yourself in. Maybe it's really hard. I know that when I moved to Los Angeles and was living here, kind of making the choice to put roots down. I come from a very small town, and that was a huge adjustment for me.
Dr. Kimber:
And the practice of gratitude, of really Being able to look around and notice what I was grateful for in my city was a massive shift inside of me. Really, really helpful. So gratitude can be used to help you with a mood boost, help you in your marriage or relationship dynamics, even friendships, maybe even with a neighbor. Who knows? And as well as just help you get a different perspective on a situation that you can't change. Another mental practice that you might be able to use is pausing. What would it be like if instead of sharing and speaking up for yourself? What would happen if you paused? Now, for some of you, you pause you you're more stuck on pause, and it's you you are more challenged to speak up for yourself. So this would not this would not be your challenge. You would want to do what would be another example.
Dr. Kimber:
And this is one that actually I'm doing this year, is asking for your needs. And I actually am somebody who does speak up a lot. However, the way that I speak up can sometimes be a jab, It can be sarcastic, it can be not nice, instead of asking for help or asking directly for what I need. And so that is the shift that I want to, Create inside of me is instead of fostering judgement or disappointment. What is it like to actually receive asking for what I need and having someone respond to that. And I'm so looking forward. I've been practicing that already and Already seen great results. So those are just some examples.
Dr. Kimber:
I'm trying to think. There's oh, Self compassion. That can be huge if you are judgmental of yourself. And I wanna say if you're judgmental of others, I'm gonna Say you, underneath it all, likely are judgmental of yourself, or vice versa. If you think you're only judgmental of yourself and not others, Try again. They usually are the same coin, different sides, and self compassion is A great mental exercise. Kristin Neff, n e f f, has fantastic material on self compassion. Positive intelligence is a great, mental reboot.
Dr. Kimber:
You can find that information online or reach out to me. I'm a positive intelligence coach. So, yeah, that's what I got for you today. I hope that this year has started in a way that feels inviting, that you feel permission to start slowly. You don't have to start out in a in a sprint. And that you can really, I don't know, find those habits or routines or patterns that are gonna be sustainable this year. When I pick the word, the spiritual discipline, the mental, you know, shift that I want to cultivate. And I I didn't mention this one, but I always pick an environmental or social justice, Habit.
Dr. Kimber:
And this year, my commitment is connected to stewardship, and that is to really keep cleaning out my garage. I have, I don't know. Ten boxes of things that just have not been gone through, and and those are potentially material items for other people that they could use, and I could donate. And I don't need them. I'm not using them. So and also, I am drastically reducing my, clothing budget this year. And to find ways to be satisfied with what I have, which means Definitely getting off lots of social media, accounts that are too tempting for me. So I forgot what I was saying.
Dr. Kimber:
But oh, I know. I really take, January to get a game plan, to strategize, to find a road map of how I can implement all of Those things. So I don't actually even expect to implement any of them until February, because I'm getting to know what does passion look like. I've been doing fun things, like writing poems, reviewing my journals and looking for words and phrases that stand out. And I created a poem that goes with my word, out of phrases from my journal from this last year. So there's lots of ways that I kind of play around with and are creative with the word and the disciplines that I'm choosing so that I can kind of warm up to the idea of making these changes. And, again, it's, I think a helpful pattern to make something sustainable, and to actually follow through with Something new for the new year. Blessings to you.
Dr. Kimber:
I do wanna remind you, you are a sacred being. And I'm so grateful you're here. I am excited for upcoming Episodes, we're gonna be talking about friendship this year. We're gonna be talking about holding mental complexity. And, of course, I'm gonna be here helping your nervous system get more regulated by teaching you to pause in order to change those patterns that aren't serving you. So, be well, and I will look forward Till next time, take care.
