Ep. 19 | Rewind! Delving into the Finale of Insecure, Television Diversity, and Social Issues

Welcome to The Prolific Hub Podcast (formerly known as 3tingz Podcast),  where your favorite co-hosts & creators Aliya Cheyanne, Tasia Marie & Mikhaila Rae discuss ‘3tingz’ shaping the culture!

This week's episode is another throwback from season 1 that initially aired on 2/6/2022! Tune in as the ladies discuss what we're watching, who brings what to the table and accountability vs. cancel culture.

0:00 Ending of the Show Insecure
16:28 Awkward Relationships and Keeping Secrets
21:50 Diversity in Television Shows
35:34 Financial Expectations in Relationships
49:30 Cancel Culture and Vocalized Hurt's Impact
54:59 Importance of Seeking Help for Trauma

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Theme Music:
She No Dull Beat by Nana Kwabena
Festivities in Belize by RAGE Productions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:30

All right, all right, all right. Welcome back to another episode of the Three Tings podcast. I'm your girl, Tasia Marie. I'm Mikaela Ray.

Speaker 2: 1:40

I'm Aliyah Cheyenne.

Speaker 1: 1:43

All right, all right, and today we are going to be hitting on. Well, usually we do our three topics, but we've got two solidified for sure today, and the third one may be just like a little fun pop, eh.

Speaker 2: 1:57

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. So yeah, so let's jump into our first one, ladies, so we just wanted to touch on all the things that are happening, which with a bunch of, like, different shows right now. Some shows are ending, some new shows are coming up, some shows have a problem with diversity and inclusion, just like a buzzword and a buzz topic and a buzz phrase I don't know, especially coming off of the last couple of years. So insecure, ending, ooh, like that's a loss for the culture. That's a loss for the culture and also this last season was a loss for the culture as well.

Speaker 2: 2:42

Yeah, I think so too I feel like I like for me to cope with it ending. I went back in that room. I like for me to cope with it ending. I went back and I rewatched the whole series Cause I was like I'm not ready. I need to be reminded of certain things. Yeah, it was something to do, but I just like the trajectory of the show, like being reminded of like all of the characters journeys, especially with, you know, ecd Quentin we got y'all and starting her own thing and the process to like figure that out. Like it didn't happen overnight. It took.

Speaker 2: 3:22

It was a journey, with her figuring out what her purpose was and like trying to define what it is and having the vision and achieving it in the end. You know the messiness and ups and downs of relationships. One thing that I thought about was like you know that cliche kind of saying that's like what is it wrong time, right person or right time, wrong person or something like that, and how, like you know, her and Lawrence were together in the beginning and they went through this whole like messy journey just to come back together in the end. And even Molly's trajectory, like watching her evolve over the last several seasons, like how she approached dating in the beginning, her like unwillingness to just kind of see herself for who she was, and like work on that in the beginning and then throughout the course of the show, like really take a hard look at herself and some of the choices she was making and just blossom into this whole person that was finally able to pull in the love that she had been desiring that whole time. Like that was nice and Kelly getting her happy ending it was just beautiful to me.

Speaker 2: 4:35

I know there's like a lot of changes, that is, array made to like the ending of the series.

Speaker 2: 4:41

It didn't necessarily end how it was supposed to end in the beginning, like she was supposed to be with Nathan, changed it to Lawrence, you know like, like all these little things, and I can see why some people are like oh, you know, the last episode felt really like rushed and sped up and there's a lot going on and like, and at the same time I was kind of like well, I think their whole point was that they wanted to show like how much can actually change in a few months and in a year and in two years.

Speaker 2: 5:14

So, even though a lot of things just weren't that like, maybe not as developed as some people would have liked. I think their point was like we're trying to show that like people's lives like happen quickly and things like change over time, so it's just, yeah, a loss for the culture. Like it's a mostly black cast pretty much, except for the. We got y'all people in earlier seasons and like the gentrifiers, and I feel like that's so important for us to see that kind of representation. So for me it's like I'm like extra sad that you know black people are losing the show.

Speaker 1: 5:54

Definitely I feel like I need to go back and rewatch, because when they kind of did a recap of Molly's dating history, I was like wait a minute, where'd that nigga come from? I forgot about a few of them. And then when they were saying, like the dude that she married was there the whole time, I was like wait, was he? I completely forgot that they've been working together the whole time.

Speaker 3: 6:18

Yep.

Speaker 1: 6:19

And he's a Howard man Bison. But yeah, sorry, what were you?

Speaker 3: 6:26

saying McKayla, no, I was saying they didn't really like each other, like during the basis of what, or during the time that she was working there.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Hey, that's usually how it ends up.

Speaker 2: 6:36

Yeah, they hated each other in the beginning.

Speaker 2: 6:40

But, I think it's because, honestly and just for the fact that I just recently rebunked rebunked the whole thing, I think it's because they're alike in so many ways, like they're very much like work and goal oriented, like even in the face of other things going on, like they put up an I can handle it all front when they're like breaking down inside and the fact that, like she spent so much time like asking these other guys in the past to like show up for her, like you know, like little things and in a way it kind of came off controlling when I watched it back a little bit.

Speaker 2: 7:22

But it's not completely controlling, it's just like a, like a little bit of a pressure that you kind of set, like you want somebody to let you know that they got home safely, or like someone who's communicated with you and like we'll check in. There was a lot of very much my terms my schedule with her relationship with Andrew, but it's just like Torian just kind of got it because he was the same way like even in in the later episodes and in this last season where she's like I had a lot going on. It was a lot for, like I had to cancel the date and he sent her wine and wings to her house, to her her house or whatever, like it. Just it just showed a whole evolution for her. She went from literally begging me to do the bare minimum to this guy showing up.

Speaker 2: 9:00

And then I was like I feel like I'm gonna check in on her and doing, you know, doing it without being asked.

Speaker 3: 9:04

You know, I was gonna say I feel like that's also to do the fact that there's this similar industries, like they're both lawyers, so they both know Well. I mean, I feel like they know what they have to deal with on a daily basis, so they know what, or they have a better idea.

Speaker 1: 9:22

I mean, it does make a difference when you do have somebody who is like in your same industry so they kind of understand. But that to see how they like definitely evolved. Though that's the scene where they were at whose house, where they at, and they had them edibles and they were fucking up all them. I was like yo, these are my besties, they just don't know it yet.

Speaker 2: 9:48

Yeah, it was Tiffany and Derek's Dubai party.

Speaker 1: 9:51

Yeah, like that was hilarious to me, like I really that was an awesome series and I really love, in the end, how the part that really stood out to me, that entire episode and then I was reading about it after the fact to was when he was in the mirror at the end and her alter ego didn't pop up and I was like yo, where is she? Like what happened? And then, ali, I think you actually posted on your page and it was like yo, she's finally overcome her insecurities like that little voice was her insecurity.

Speaker 2: 10:29

Yeah, it's like I think that's part of it to, and I think sometimes we have to understand that like overcoming insecurity is not just never being insecure again, it's just like learning to ride the wave and like go with the motions. Because she spent so much time I was reading this to. This is not like my expertise, but she spent so much time like doubting herself and questioning herself and talking herself out of things and like being on shore and she finally cut out all that noise. It was like I'm just going to go with what I want and what I need right now and I'm going to be comfortable in my insecurity. I'm going to be comfortable in my uncertainty and I'm going to see where it takes me. And look at her whole boss bitch business at the end like right, not the man she wanted everything. Like you know, like she learned to trust herself in her gut.

Speaker 2: 11:25

I also think one of the things to that they show in a hyper sped up way is just that, like life changes, like we see all of the friends like set a goal to always show up for each other's birthdays and stuff, and then we see over time like stuff gets in the way, like they can't always make it out for everybody's birthday. Like sometimes it just has to be a phone call because relationships pop up, family stuff pops up, you know, like the dynamic change, the dynamic change and like learning how to ride that wave and still know how to show up for each other and support each other and whatever new capacity works. You know, and I'm here for all the stuff about how, you know, the true love story was always Molly and Issa. Like their friendship, like despite all the partners that came and went, like they had to reassess to their relationship and be sure about, you know, whether or not they wanted each other in each other's lives.

Speaker 2: 12:26

Like rewatching season four was kind of hard because I went back to I know how it ends they regroup, but I was rewatching again like fucking Molly man, like fucking Molly, you know. So just them learning how to like continue to build with each other and grow and understand the importance of each other in their lives and making their relationship work. That last episode of season four where Molly and Andrew break up and then Laurence lets Issa know that he got a baby on the way. Who did they go back to each other, you know, like so yeah, insecure is definitely a staple.

Speaker 1: 13:08

It's one of those shows that we'll definitely be watching a few years from now, like why did they end it? And who knows, they may come out with you. Know something they may do a spin-off. Further, yeah, down the line, like a update on what's happening with everyone, Because there was just too much that happened in the end for it to just be left unfinished Like it's finished, but it's unfinished in the same sense.

Speaker 3: 13:34

If they did have a spin-off. I don't know why, but I feel like Kelly would be like the main person.

Speaker 1: 13:39

Yo Kelly is great. Okay, there's a show on.

Speaker 3: 13:43

Israel that she is on. I feel like it's very underrated though.

Speaker 1: 13:46

She's super underrated. Oh my God, what's the name of the show? I think it's like White Richards or something. It's like a resort that people are going to Some island. It, loki, gave me Seychelles vibes, but she was like the. She ran the massage parlor on the resort. Oh, kelly, yeah, like her character was dope. I love her as an actress, like the roles that she is in. Yeah, this is the whole new show.

Speaker 3: 14:18

I was about to say it's yeah. I thought she was gonna say something.

Speaker 1: 14:24

The roles they put her in are, like, very fitting. Like she's dope. She's a dope actress.

Speaker 3: 14:29

She's a dope actress To her personality probably.

Speaker 1: 14:32

Definitely.

Speaker 2: 14:34

I could see that because I was like I was talking with another friend about this the other day and I was like White notice.

Speaker 1: 14:41

Sorry, oh, okay.

Speaker 2: 14:42

Cool, I might need to check that out. But I was saying like, even with her character like doing the podcast, like they really Throughout the whole series. They really didn't show that and she mentioned it in the first season. She's like you know, I got like there's one episode, so I forget exactly what episode it was, but she's talking with her friend and she's like you know, I got a podcast or something like that, and we really don't see her talking about it or doing anything like with it throughout the seasons. Until this season there's like one episode where we see her recording her podcast a little bit and I was like what in my head? I was like wait, when did she get a podcast? And it wasn't until I rewatched the series and I was like, oh, she had one this entire time and I feel like they could have like we've got into her character more, like we should have gotten a little bit more of her story. It's like the trope of her being the supportive friend for everybody, supportive, funny friend for everybody.

Speaker 3: 15:41

But I feel like she was kind of like the death of the friend or the designated that friend, like they kept her around she was a friend, don't get me wrong but like she wasn't a main priority, if that makes any sense.

Speaker 1: 15:58

Yeah, even when I was with her friend named Tiffany.

Speaker 2: 16:02

I think her name is Tiffany. I'm the sales Tiffany.

Speaker 3: 16:04

Yeah, I feel like she had more of an active role in the show, like they made her character a little bit more not interesting, but detailed.

Speaker 2: 16:14

Yeah. That's what I was saying, not significantly more, but she had a little bit more like dimension and depth, especially with her, like postpartum and her knowing about Kadola and Laurence Dayton and not telling Lisa.

Speaker 1: 16:30

Hey, that would have been me. I'm not getting involved in that. I had a whole bunch of questions about that. I don't get involved in shit like that. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

Speaker 2: 16:44

I felt the same way re-watching it that I felt when I was watching it. I understand her and, given how she is like I see her character is, I see why she just didn't say anything. But that awkward way of finding out, like what is it that Kadola would have in the meeting and the flowers, and Tiffany was trying to act like she didn't really know was this from the guy from that date? That didn't really go well the first time. But and Kadola was like yeah, yeah, it was just so awkward to me and I'm just like I understand you and Issa and I bestie, besties like y'all it's you and Tiffany that are, you know, ting, ting, clink, clink, but I don't know. I feel like I might've given my girl I could be like, do what you want with this information, but just so you know, like because the way that they all signed out was awkwardest book, and like I feel like Issa, everybody tried to make it work, but it was just awkward in downhill after that and it was so fucking weird.

Speaker 3: 18:18

Well, situations like that you do sometimes have to let people find out for themselves, because then you look stupid.

Speaker 1: 18:22

if it's like If they work out and they go talk and shit about you, like I don't know, that's always a gotcha gotcha situation, cause it also depends on how close we are Like, cause if we're super duper close, I'm gonna be like yo, I'm not gonna tell you exactly what's going on, but I'm gonna be like yo, you just might need to talk to your man real quick, like that's not my place, but I saw something and I, because I saw it, I feel compelled to tell you that I saw it. However, this is something that you may want to inquire about, and I ain't gonna say shit else about it, cause at the end of the day, like, if they decide to be together, then both of them are gonna shit on you because you're the one who brought it to the light. So that's like a cash 22, so it's like something like that.

Speaker 2: 19:09

I think everybody's different and I don't fully agree with that. I feel like it's weird, like it's awkward, especially because at that point, like Issa wasn't completely moved on from Lawrence and I feel like they were both kind of blind in that situation working with each other, and we see how awkward it was once everybody found out, like it was just strange and like as much as I didn't like you know how that whole thing panned out, it was just weird and I feel like Tiffany is who she is. I feel like if it was Molly, molly would have said something earlier on Cause Issa and Molly are closer, like they're besties, whereas Tiffany and Kelly are, like you know, the besties and they're all friends, you know.

Speaker 2: 19:54

But I feel like if I was in Issa's position, I wouldn't want my friend to let me know, especially if I'm not over said nigga Cause I don't want to-.

Speaker 3: 20:03

Well, what if you were Kondola? How would you feel?

Speaker 2: 20:06

I feel like I want to know, cause I'm like I'm helping this bitch for free, like like I want to know who I'm fucking working with. Like that's just weird. I just felt like the whole time as a viewer. I was just sitting here like okay, this is fucking awkward, cause she don't know.

Speaker 1: 20:23

She don't know either, cause we knew, but they were vibing, like they vibed and they actually kicked it. And then once it came out, it was kind of like, oh fuck, like I kind of liked you before, but I don't know when I was ignorant Right. And now I know.

Speaker 2: 20:38

Ignorance is bliss? Yeah, clearly, but I'm I, just me and my personality. I would have liked to have known earlier on Everybody going to do what they want to do and what they like and what they prefer, If they were whatever role in that situation. But I, if it was me, I would have liked to have known, cause that was fucking weird and it went to shit after, Like it was weird.

Speaker 1: 21:04

That is pretty weird and I definitely would want to know, like just drop me a little hint or just say like, hey, I think he's talking to someone. Oh, okay, at least leave it at that, then I can figure out who that someone is. I don't know, that's when I don't know.

Speaker 2: 21:22

Anyway, they ended up together in the end with Kondola's child. Like man, I just, I just like everything life has to happen how it has to happen. But I'm also just like small changes. Man, small changes. Situation wouldn't have had to be like that, but anyway, I know there were some other shows we wanted to talk about y'all, but Emily and Paris.

Speaker 3: 21:48

Yeah, so I think it's a cute little show. From my understanding, a lot of French people are upset with it because it doesn't depict France as how it actually is. They make it seem like they're like, hypersexual. They're not very diverse.

Speaker 1: 22:06

Isn't that how our media portrays us Over sexualized?

Speaker 2: 22:11

Over sexualized.

Speaker 3: 22:12

Yeah, but in the terms of like all French men are just like sleeping with, like basically they found this one American woman and then everybody just wants to like throw themselves at her and sleep with her, and they're like French couples are not monogamous Like they're very much like you'll be married to one person and then you'll be sleeping with everybody else, kind of situation.

Speaker 1: 22:32

Monogamy is unnatural.

Speaker 3: 22:34

Ok, just throwing my Frenches out there for everyone, no, but I'm saying a lot of French people got upset with that because of the fact that that's not that's, let's say it's not, that's not how it really is. I, this season, I think they tried a little bit more diversity because they have Emily now has a black love interest, but it's not giving what it's supposed to give. Like you just added one person of color, this is a whole city. Like you're not adding any Arabic people, whereby they do make up not a large majority, but like they do make up a percentage of the population. I mean, it's still a cute show, though. Like it's very corny. It's very cute but it doesn't. Like it's interesting but it doesn't. It needs more. It needs more of that seasoning, if you get what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 23:30

Like the representation is off.

Speaker 3: 23:32

I saw something that representation and all other things, but yeah, representation definitely matters when it comes to the show.

Speaker 2: 23:42

I was going to say. Amanda's sales posted something the other day that was talking about representation in these shows and she's basically saying, like there are some shows where it absolutely does not make sense for us to be there, because why would we be there, like why would we be in certain spaces? But she's like for other shows where it makes sense that we would be in those spaces, we're just not there, like it's like we don't exist. And I think that goes back to like for me personally, like why I cling to certain shows where I do feel like the representation is there because it's like I want to see myself and my people on TV. But I'm not going to write off other shows that I like, even when the representation is bad, because they're still kind of good shows. I hate to admit Like there's one that I'm into now.

Speaker 2: 24:36

It's called Peaky Blinders. It's about gang life kind of for whites in the early 1900s in Bray and what has continued to annoy me about this show is that they act like there are only two black people in this entire community and space of this show Like one guy is like he has like locks down to his butt and he's like a preacher, but he's also involved with this gang. He's like the eyes and ears on the street, so he's ready to fight when he needs to. And then he has a son that comes out of nowhere, that we only see like the second season come about, and then they try to make an episode about race, to show like what it was like for black people during that time. He gets called the N word and a bar fight breaks out and all this kind of stuff and I'm just like why are y'all acting like there's only two black people in Bray? During the time? That was not the case, so there were more than two.

Speaker 3: 26:12

Yeah, I mean, I was going to say they make up a very small percentage. I think it's like 4% or like 2%. But maybe that's what they were trying to show, like black people don't make a very large population, like they don't make a lot of the population. So we only can find two. I don't know.

Speaker 1: 26:29

So the thing with media? In a perfect world, we don't exist. So when they are creating shows, that's why it's so easy for them to create shows without us and then in the end, once they bring it to the room and everyone's looking over it, they're like oh wait, wait, we need a token black guy.

Speaker 1: 26:47

Yeah, we need a token Asian guy. It's never anything created with 100% inclusion, ever, ever, ever. So, speaking of 100% being inclusive, and I'm sorry to segue to another show, but my favorite fucking show is coming back. January 9th, euphoria will be on HBO. Yes, I just finished rewatching the whole first season and I'm like yo, there's so much to unpack. I love it because it's really focusing on things that our teens deal with. Like it seems pretty exaggerated and over the top, but kids really go through this shit and there's so much that they're going through without letting us know and right underneath our noses. Especially looking at Nate. Is his name Nate? The football player who's really gay but having issues coming to terms with himself and his father, who is attracted to all these trans women. And also, what's Old Boy's name? The black football player who just got to college and he realizes he's not the shit. Who's dating old girl with the big titties? That's supposed to be a hope. Oh god, I need to get names together.

Speaker 3: 28:06

It's more than just blue and yellow, but we got the description. I got their faces in my head.

Speaker 1: 28:12

Yeah, but season two is really supposed to be lit. So, first of all, the first season was pretty awesome. I love the fact that they touch base on everyone. I think was there an Asian lead? I think that was the only lead that was missing in season one, but they literally touched base on everyone. Rue is mixed. I love the fact that Jules is a transgender woman who's coming into herself. Season two is just like y'all. My mind is just gushing like glitter and random stuff right now, thinking about what's to come for season two.

Speaker 3: 28:51

So that's because Drake is one of the producers, like he tries to like, I mean, I guess that's true.

Speaker 1: 28:56

Drake Rue's future and Labyrinth.

Speaker 3: 28:59

Yeah, like. Well, like the producers are different, so they're going to show. That's what they're going to try to touch on everything.

Speaker 2: 29:08

They do. That's another thing too. Like who is actually creating the stuff like in the room, like what they look like, like who are the actual people creating the shows in the room Like, and when they're lending their perspectives like is it being heard? Because, like, I feel like that always impacts, like what we see on our end, like whether or not there's like some level of like diversity, some level of inclusion or representation. Like, if it's just certain people creating the shows, then the show is going to be reflective of them, people Like, and whoever they think the audience is like. They obviously tailor a lot of these shows to like particular our audiences.

Speaker 2: 29:49

So, I'm excited to have something to watch, cause, like I'm like my favorite, my favorite shows, like the shows I'd be watching, like my favorite shows, like a lot of them have ended already. Another one that I personally love and watch on own is Queen Sugar. Like that's ending after the next season, like that's also like representation thing, like it's mostly black cast, like telling black ass stories. So that's what I love to see, and I'm sad that that's coming to an end after seven seasons. I'm just like looking for other stuff to watch. So I'm glad that euphoria is coming back, cause.

Speaker 1: 30:22

I'll be watching that. Go down in the valley where the girls getting naked. P Valley should be coming back soon too, though.

Speaker 3: 30:33

Like.

Speaker 1: 30:34

COVID really fucked everything up Like we should legit be on, like season three and four certain shows. Corona virus really threw a monkey wrench into everything Y'all not filming.

Speaker 3: 30:45

Actually I remember when they were P Valley was filming, they were like looking for other people and, like y'all know, I had like a short stint Well, I'm going back but of being like a pole dancer and so, like some of the pole dancer, some of the like, I went to the classes like come on.

Speaker 2: 31:02

Not going to the classes. Wait what? We'll keep it on. Mikaela Continue, mikaela continue.

Speaker 3: 31:10

Okay. So they were like posting that P Valley was like doing casting, like for new dancers. Like you had to be able, like they were, it was almost like a competition, from what I can remember, like you had to be like a pole, that like be able to do like stint and stuff like that. And like I am, zoe had to like film himself doing something, and some other people did also. But yeah, I was really excited about that.

Speaker 1: 31:38

Stripping is not anything for the faint of heart man. Oh hell, no Stripping need to get they. I take my head off to them. Girls, relax, they got it. You got upper body strength, like first of all you got to climb all the way.

Speaker 2: 31:53

Yes, climb all the way Stamina the top of that pole and then like, while you're doing all this shit.

Speaker 1: 31:58

You still have to serve face Like bitch. Take my whole paycheck, bitch. You got it. You did that. Look at you hanging upside down right now holding on with your thighs.

Speaker 3: 32:09

Yeah, did that. And sometimes not even with that. Just your feet. How, how, cren? I can't tell me in my ears how you can't do it so you can't. You're defying the laws of gravity how you doing.

Speaker 2: 32:22

Money shall was.

Speaker 1: 32:26

I'm just round here for us.

Speaker 2: 32:28

I just like randomly thought about how like there's a whole like like there's whole professional competitions for people who like do pole and there's like such such professionalism around that and there's such like a negative view within some groups and some people of like people who do it for a living, like who are in the whole industry. And I'm just like listen, most of these shippers could blow all y'all professionals away.

Speaker 2: 33:00

That's right Quote unquote professionals away, like in these. Quote unquote professional competitions, like if y'all were in gate keeping, y'all would have no competitions, but okay.

Speaker 3: 33:14

I feel like that's changing, though, a little bit, because even with black girls poll, I feel like it's becoming something that's more about finding security in yourself, feeling beautiful, feeling sensual in that sector, although there is a negative connotation to it. I feel like it's slowly being stripped away.

Speaker 2: 33:40

Yes, because people are picking up poll as a hobby, not necessarily always doing it for employment. I think that's where people look down is for people who do it for employment, which sucks, because however you got to make your money, you do what you got to do. But on that note, speaking of money, maybe we should transition into our next topic and this one. I feel like this one goes back to what we've talked about in another episode, like relationship dynamics, but specifically around money and our relationships with our partners and money and this whole like weak ass tire conversation about, like who brings what to the table, what you bring to the table I am the same, you know like going back to that conversation and like what it means to like have someone submit or lead or whatever the case may be. So this one's going to be a little jam packed, but let's get into it, ladies, so we get Sorry. So I know we were talking about like before this. We were talking about that tick talk that went viral that the Shade Room reposted with the girls. Like her check gets deposited into her man's account. He gives her an allowance of $100 a week to do what she wants, otherwise he handles everything in the bills. She's then scorn on to say that that was a joke. They did to be funny. The expectation was not for that, for it to blow up like that, but a lot of people took it seriously. So I called her all kinds of names, this down to third, and her primarily not really the man, but her a lot.

Speaker 2: 35:29

But I kind of opened up this whole conversation about finances and money and who pays for what and like that type of dynamic in a relationship. So I don't know, I like well, I first of all would never be in a position where that's what the fuck I'm doing in real life, like never. I was telling Micaela in a previous conversation I could absolutely see being in a real. And there are some people who are different. There are some people who are like you know, especially in a marriage or like well, let's just merge accounts, like sure, whatever. For me personally, I'm gonna keep my separate bank account. Pretty much you could keep your separate bank account. I'm okay with us having like a joint account that we open together, that we do put some money into cover, like you know, bills and expenses Hopefully we've got a house, some more, you know, like all that stuff. But ain't no fucking way we're consolidating to that degree where you get in my whole check.

Speaker 1: 36:25

First of all.

Speaker 3: 36:26

So I'm like I wasn't even raised like that, Like that just in my brain. I'm sorry. I hate the fact that I've realized that I'm a lot more traditional than I really want to admit to.

Speaker 1: 36:38

But fuck tradition.

Speaker 2: 36:40

No, I mean I'm traditional, not that one, not that one. Yeah, like like I have no problem telling some people sometimes I'm hella traditional in certain ways. So not that one, not always, but some ways.

Speaker 1: 37:01

Fuck tradition.

Speaker 2: 37:03

But that's your position. But what are you saying?

Speaker 3: 37:08

Miquela, I was saying that like I feel like I've voiced this before, but like I just don't think I have, like in my opinion, a 45 55 rule. I have no problems with bringing 45% of what needs to be done into the relationship like what, financially? But I need my partner to bring the 55, that that percentage for me just says okay, he got it Right, it's not, it's literally not that much of a difference, but it's like okay, he got it.

Speaker 3: 37:40

At the end of the day, I know that my partner will take care of me and that did get to the point of like I remember when we were having this conversation earlier, you were like, but what if he doesn't make as much?

Speaker 2: 37:54

Well, and a compensating other areas Well and this is this is speaking for like a traditional, like heteronormative relationship, like a dynamic where, like a wife and a husband, like this by no means like everybody, yeah, your boy situation like this is your expectation for what you envision for yourself and your marriage and your household.

Speaker 3: 38:24

Yeah, now I'm not saying there's. The other thing about me is I'm not saying that, if I forbid, I am married and my husband now I don't know he breaks his leg and he can't go to work, or there's something that is basically impeding him from working for a certain amount of time, like up to up to a year, really, that he cannot work. That I would be like, oh my gosh, I like he still has the fun finance me. No, I would have no problems with taking care of him for that particular time. However, I don't feel like it's my responsibility to become the man basically, that sounds and that sounds straight in my head.

Speaker 3: 39:05

to a degree it sounds fuck, but I just know, I don't know. Yes, I am a tall, beautiful wife, woman, but I still want to be. I still want to feel protected, taken care of.

Speaker 2: 39:21

I still want to feel like a lady, Just that traditional sense of knowing like yeah that okay, my man got it.

Speaker 2: 39:31

Yeah, I don't know, I feel like there's too many, too many like first season use, the law and situation out here that people are trying to, like you know, recover and evolve from. But yeah, I feel I feel like for me personally and I shared this with Michaela separately like the last person that I was dating. I remember we had a conversation in one day and they're mentioning to me how, like you know, their brother and their sister-in-law had it made for very comfortable and up until that point, they're making it seem like, you know, the brother was taking care of a lot of things. Come to find out it was the wife who made a lot more. It was the wife who was contributing like a lot more heavily to the household because she made a lot more. And the person that I was dating was like, well, you know, I'm comfortable with that dynamic. If that was my situation like yeah, that makes sense I would think that you know my wife or my partner would pay more and do more.

Speaker 2: 40:41

So that started like opening up a can of worms for me, because I was kind of like, okay, well, that seems very complacent, like for me, my expectation for my relationship, my partner, my husband someday is like I don't necessarily want someone who would be comfortable with that dynamic or that situation. So I was kind of like, well, what do you see for yourself? Like what are your ambitions? Like, what are your goals? Like what are you trying to do? And the person couldn't even articulate those things. So now it's like, okay, you're complacent with a situation or a dynamic like that. But then it's also like there's no vision, like you can't communicate your ideas or your vision, or like what you aspire to do or like what you're working toward. And for me I was just kind of like that's not the type of man I vision myself with. Like I need someone who knows, like who is, who has decisive action, who's clear on what they want to do, like granted, life is going to change, like things are going to change. But if you don't even have, like you can't even communicate your vision for yourself, like what you want to do or what you work on, like that's a problem for me. And then if you're telling me now just that this, this situation, that you would be okay with that dynamic like that, that to me is not going to work, because that's not something I would be comfortable walking into, like, because then I feel like resentment can grow if that's not the type of dynamic that you want.

Speaker 2: 42:19

Not saying situations can't change, or like you can't pick up slack when, when someone else needs it. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying like if, if we're not in the same headspace where we're aligned on this value, like what we envision for ourselves and a future in a marriage, like to me, like that's that's a very early, like that's not something I'm willing to compromise on. So yeah, so just, I feel like just people just being clear about, like, what works for them, what sort of dynamic is going to work for them Early on, will help mitigate some of those problems, like in the future, when things come up, especially around money. You know, like I don't know that's. That was long winded, but no, that was my example.

Speaker 3: 43:05

I was going to say. I feel like just to be backing off from the fact that you said that, like, your partner at the time didn't necessarily want to tell you his vision of for himself and I'm not saying that he didn't have one, but I do. I have realized with some people that when they don't necessarily want to talk about like with their partner, if they don't want to talk about their vision, they probably don't have one or they're still trying to figure it out.

Speaker 2: 43:31

Didn't say that, I was just like no, sir, which we like, we're not that old, but we're getting a little bit too old for you to like not have an idea.

Speaker 3: 43:41

But that's scary too, because, like, why would you, as a woman, not to say that? Like, women are necessarily meant to be led, but if you don't have a plan, why would I want to follow you? Yeah?

Speaker 2: 43:54

so that was that. But I think that goes back to this bigger conversation about, like who brings what to the table. And I get so like tired of that conversation kind of sometimes, because I saw the other day there's this page that I like and that I follow and the person was like, if someone hits you with that question, redirect them to the fact that people's value is, like inherent to them. It's not like bringing stuff to the table is not solely like sexual or monetary, and a lot of times in these conversations that's what people reduce that to. It's like, okay, a house, a car, savings, 401k popping up as the open handstand, like those are the kind of things that people reduce the conversation to, when essentially there's so much more that goes into building a healthy relationship, especially on like an emotional and a mental and a spiritual level, that a lot of people put those things aside and they're just focused on stuff that matters, but it's not like the entirety of what will make a successful relationship.

Speaker 2: 45:02

And a lot of times when we have that conversation, like this page that I'm referring to, they're like we need to redirect that conversation back to people's like inherent value. Like what emotional, mental, sexual, financial, like everything are you contributing to a healthy partnership? It's not just about like a house and a car and like paying bills and stuff. There's so much more that goes into it and I really wish, if we are gonna continue to have this conversation, I wish that we would like redirect it back to like a more holistic approach and not just reduce it to things that you could honestly lose tomorrow, like how are y'all gonna hold each other down when, if and when, someone loses a job, or if and when the house gets foreclosed on? Like how are y'all holding each other through that beyond? Just like a couple of physical, tangible things you know. So I don't know. I feel like the conversation is kind of tired, but I wish that if we are gonna continue to have it, we would redirect it to like more important things that everyone like offers to a healthy relationship.

Speaker 1: 46:12

Word. That was a deep one, y'all.

Speaker 3: 46:14

Cool, dave Chappelle's coming or he's having a special, basically, and I'm very excited about it. Another one.

Speaker 3: 46:22

Yes, well, I'm actually going to kind of the coat to go see him. But I was saying that overall the space of comedy, it just seems like there's just too much censorship. People not to say that there are certain things shouldn't have been brought to the forefront and addressed, but I just feel like it creatively can sometimes stifle comedian in what they can and can't say. Does that make sense? Like people are too worried about being politically correct sometimes and it just like things are just no longer. It's funny as they square.

Speaker 1: 47:06

Yeah, as a culture we've become a lot more sensitive and groups within this realm of our culture like we're very hyper sensitive. So I watched the special and I was trying to like I didn't really catch it, I don't know. Like comedy is comedy. We all know that when we joke there's a level, there's a little bit of truth within that joke. However, like it's comedy, like everybody's gonna get got. Like I always think when I think of comedy I'll always think of and this might be a bad scene, but the Nutty Professor, the second joint, but Dave Chappelle was the actual comedian in this particular scene and he was just going on Professor Klump, because he's fat.

Speaker 3: 47:55

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:57

And I was like yo, but at the end of the day, like that's comedy. That's how comedy was started, like we started joning on each other and then eventually it just turned into like something bigger, like and now everyone's sensitive Like, I mean, I guess, because of the plight you know, of the LGBTQIA plus community. However, we could say that about black people, like when comedians make jokes about when white comedians make jokes about black people, we could all be up in arms.

Speaker 3: 48:27

That's true, or actually I really I saw a joke that I didn't particularly care for, but I mean, I'm not saying that somebody found it funny, but I think it was. His name is Theo Van, and he was saying that black people don't have like an inside voice, like, whether it's inside or outside, like they're just like naturally loud, and I was just like somebody found that funny, but I didn't. But I don't think that you should be canceled or you should be censored, because I didn't find the joke funny, like I don't think that people just should automatically be canceled, like that's another thing is like allow people to make mistakes, like or allow people to learn from their mistakes, or yeah, basically like make mistakes and learn from them, like that's what life is about, and I feel like we're also not allowing to do that because of our sense Huge.

Speaker 2: 49:25

I think it's like there are a lot of people who would just hope that people with huge platforms acted more responsibly in certain situations, and I don't know that.

Speaker 2: 49:42

I don't know that it's like increased sensitivity per se. I just think that this is like an error of people who are not afraid to vocalize when they feel like they've been harmed in any kind of way, or when something they find inappropriate is like applauded. They don't always necessarily like sit back and agree with it. Like people are a lot more vocal about what makes them uncomfortable and I think the response to that is everybody's just too sensitive, like we all have things that if people said would offend us and would hurt us. I think how every individual navigates their response to that is different, but I think like, yeah, like, like, if you have a huge platform, like use that show responsibly. Like, yes, there's learning curves and opportunities and there's room for mistakes and stuff, but like they're responsible, like and at the same time, if people want to talk out, like out loud and vocalize what's hurt them or upset them, what they're offended by, like, they have every right to like, just like we do. So I don't know, I don't think this. I don't think the disappointment is necessarily going to like end for some people. I think some people will maintain their fan bases and that's great. I don't think that's going to stop like uproars from people who feel a different way, and that could be with Dave Chappelle or anybody else that gets called out. I think that goes back to this whole culture around, and I'm not I'm a no way shape of form an expert on this, but there have been some scholars and people who talk about how like cancel culture shouldn't be a thing and instead of calling people out, there should be a calling in, like holding people accountable for the things that they've said that have caused harm, educating them where possible and hoping they choose a better course, as opposed to like completely ostracizing and like ousting people. And then I like the other thing I'm thinking about, too, is like we pick and choose who completely gets canceled, like some people just really don't give a fuck and they're going to keep going. Other people lose jobs, like the people that associate with them lose jobs. Like we pick and choose what like scenarios and and issues and things that were done hold heavier weight than others, and I think that speaks largely to like who and what we value as a society, about who actually gets canceled and who doesn't. So I just think that the whole thing is just a lot bigger and a lot messier than we could really get a handle on, and I just don't think the dynamic of like and and and like this is like a segue and a sidebar.

Speaker 2: 52:49

But I think about like I talked about this with another friend too like people are just a lot more vocal about what hurts these days and I feel like social media like has exacerbated that a lot, especially tick tock.

Speaker 2: 53:03

There are whole trends on tick tock of people like sharing, like trauma, like deep, dark stuff publicly with thousands of people to see, and there's, like this whole reaction. There's one side of you know reactions where people are like well, this is not the place of the platform, and then there's this whole other side of reactions. It's like I went through this too Thank you for sharing Like, like let's stop keeping this type of pain like in the dark and stuff. So I just feel like we're just as a people, like we're just in a place and continuing to go in a place where people are not being silent about what frustrates them or what hurts them, like a lot of people are sharing that a lot more vocally now that they have in the last what 10, 20 years different generation. So that was all over the place, but that's what I think.

Speaker 1: 54:05

That's real, though. Everything that you said was definitely real.

Speaker 2: 54:08

Like, social media has definitely put us into a new like stance on every single thing, but yeah a lot more exposure and I think I think like we've had social media for a while, but I think what's exacerbated a lot of this is like this pandemic. A lot of people are lonely and they're finding community in social media, Like they're the metaverse.

Speaker 2: 54:38

And, yeah, they find a community that like that way. So a lot of people are just kind of like okay, let me share. You know, I think that's part of, and I'm specifically talking about, like these trauma TikTok trends. But yeah, I feel like that was a good episode.

Speaker 3: 54:59

But I do want to say, if you are having issues like seek help yeah, I mean, yeah brought you can broadcast it, but try to get, try not to live in it.

Speaker 2: 55:16

Yeah, that's the funny thing about trauma you can never really tell other people how to cope with theirs. But it is important to reach out and seek help, and first time people reaching out and seeking help is putting it on TikTok. So but yeah, there are other ways of support. I guess what we're trying to say. So, all right, y'all, that's a wrap on this episode.

Speaker 1: 55:40

Yeah, it's been an awesome episode, per usual.