Do it scared. Do it alone. Feel the fear, and do it anyway.
Facing our fears can seem daunting, but what if doing so opened doors to unforgettable experiences and personal growth? Join me as I recount the transformative power of stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things scared, alone and anyway.
- Read this episode’s blog post! - Watch this episode on YouTube!
Are you a creative, solopreneur or entrepreneur who’d like to be featured on The Prolific Hub Podcast? Let us know here!
Snag a discount on Aliya’s favorite brands with these Referral Codes
Do it scared. Do it alone. Feel the fear, and do it anyway.
Facing our fears can seem daunting, but what if doing so opened doors to unforgettable experiences and personal growth? Join me as I recount the transformative power of stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things scared, alone and anyway.
- Read this episode’s blog post! - Watch this episode on YouTube!
Are you a creative, solopreneur or entrepreneur who’d like to be featured on The Prolific Hub Podcast? Let us know here!
Snag a discount on Aliya’s favorite brands with these Referral Codes
Do it scared, do it alone, feel the fear and do it anyway.
Aliya Cheyanne:
We talked a little bit about that in the previous episode with Jeanette Anderson when it comes to entrepreneurship, but I think that advice is true for so many things in life To do it scared, do it alone, feel the fear and do it anyway. It alone, feel the fear and do it anyway. Recently, I went to an event that I found out about online, on social media, and it was called you Deserve Flower Sis by Be Free, my Love, and it was such a sweet event down in Harlem in a park, and we had the opportunity all of the attendees to paint vases and adorn them however we wanted to, and then assemble our own small bouquets, and we had an opportunity to learn more about each other, more about some of the folks who showed up to share art or share products and services, and it was such a sweet event and I went on my own and I was nervous about going on my own. I'm always nervous a little bit when I do things by myself, but once I get there and I settle into it, I'm fine and it was so beautiful and I had the opportunity to connect with some new people, some of whom I've been able to stay connected with in some capacity since that event and it's been really, really nice. And that was something that I did, scared, and I did alone and I did anyway, had to think to myself and remind myself. There are so many instances where I've done things alone and done them anyway in my life, just being open to doing it, despite feeling a little bit nervous. I've done a bunch of things.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I remember one time, one summer I want to say maybe it was 2017, 2018. I can't even remember at this point. My brain and time like many people since 2020, is so skewed it's hard for me to remember certain timelines. But yeah, there was this event called Currency Conversations that I think Chase Bank, in partnership with another group group, was putting on and Angela Simmons was there as a guest speaker and I found out about it and it was especially during a season where I was really interested in learning more about just budgeting and investing and saving.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I went on my own. I got dressed up because I was like this is an extra black affair. I know everybody's going to be showing up dressed to the nines, so let me put on the best dress I have. That was in my like I was about to say bald-headed scallywag that was in my shaved head era Like I wore like a really, really low cut during that time. Confidence during that time was on a different level cut during that time. Confidence during that time was on a different level. So I went on my own and it was a really informative event.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I went to that event and then I took myself out to dinner after I went to a vegan restaurant in Harlem and sat down by myself and ate and at first it was uncomfortable because I thought people were gonna be looking at me and whatever, but nobody was paying me any attention. Actually, two women who were sitting at a table next to me got my attention to tell me that they really liked my dress and that I looked really nice. And, da-da-da, I don't know if they were just doing that because it was genuine or maybe they felt bad for me because I was by myself. Either way, I really loved that moment and that compliment. So I definitely took it. But I felt proud of myself after for doing it, scared and doing it alone and doing it anyway, once upon a time when I was looking for just more connection and more folks who were interested in reading as much as I was reading at the time. I'm definitely not reading to the level that I was at that time Still reading, currently working my way through two books, but at that time I had sought out a book club and a New York chapter of a book club and that was something I showed up to the first event alone and I don't remember what all transpired at that time.
Aliya Cheyanne:
But somehow myself and another book club member ended up becoming the leaders of the New York chapter. So we were organizing the events, like we were doing the social media for the New York chapters Instagram, like all kinds of stuff and eventually that it just became something I didn't want it to be anymore, like I didn't join it to like lead a chapter of it. I joined it because I wanted to be a participant and I started losing that ability to be a participant because I was so busy being an organizer for it. So I eventually stepped away from that. But in the beginning, when I first went and I first went to one of the events, I was going as a participant and I went to that alone and I feel like that experience was definitely valuable for what it was in all capacities, not just reading but also connecting with other women. In the group I had hosted an event. One of the events that we organized was me just hosting it at my place and doing a vision board event with many of the women, among several other events, and I think it taught me what it needed to teach me. But I went from joining and doing it scared and alone and feeling the fear of doing it anyway, to growing within that chapter of that book club at the time until I stepped away from it. So I think about that a lot.
Aliya Cheyanne:
And another time I remember that there was this performance at the Lincoln Center called Under Siege and it was a modern spin or reenactment of Farewell my Concubine. It was part of a mostly Mozart festival. At the time I think I had wanted to do it with someone or go with someone, but for whatever reason it couldn't work out. But I was. I didn't let that deter me. I was so determined that I wanted to see it, so I went by myself. The good thing about that is, you know, during the performance it's it's dark out in the crowd, like nobody could really see that I was there alone. It was a little bit uncomfortable because the audience wasn't that diverse, you know, age wise or race wise, like it was a pretty specific crowd that was there. And then here came my self showing up to enjoy it. But I'm glad that I did that for myself. I'm glad that I went alone and that I did it scared and I did it anyway. It was such an incredible performance Moved me to tears by the end. I was so in awe of the performers, the dancers, the actors and artists who worked to put that together. It still has an impact on me. I'll never forget that experience. I still have pictures and video from the end of it, where they come out for their bows and everything from the audience. Like I still have that. It's a memory that still lives me and that's another example of me doing it scared and doing it alone and doing it anyway.
Aliya Cheyanne:
Another literal example of doing it scared and doing it alone anyway I think about is at a former organization I was part of a racial equity working group and at that time it was around the time when the Peace and Justice Memorial in Alabama was opening O'Brien Stevenson, who does a lot of work around just getting people exonerated and off a death row who are wrongly accused and wrongly convicted in Alabama and beyond was doing that work. Some of you might remember the movie Just Mercy where Michael B Jordan plays Brian Stevenson in that movie. Anyway, it was around when the Peace and Justice Memorial was opening. So there was the museum and the actual memorial and as part of that racial equity working group, I had the opportunity to go to the opening ceremony for that, which was just phenomenal and incredible. It was a very short turnaround, which was just phenomenal and incredible. It was a very short turnaround Because of the flight home that I had chosen.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I wouldn't have been able to participate with a bunch of folks who were going to go to Selma, and I was determined that, even if I couldn't go with the group, I was still going to go to Selma and nobody was going to tell me anything. I took it upon myself to rent a car, of course on the company's dime. I got the rental and I was going to drive myself out to Selma and at the time I really didn't think about anything, despite being in that group, despite my lived experience and knowing how the world operates, despite the fact that once upon a time I lived in Arkansas, once upon a time I lived in Florida, I forgot completely forgot in the moment, that I was in the deep South. So, whereas people had genuine concerns for me renting the car and driving out there by myself, I was so stubborn and just in my head that I couldn't even I couldn't think about that in the time. I can only think about it now, in hindsight, and I don't like people telling me what to do. So everyone was like you really shouldn't, someone should at least go with you? And I was just like no, if no one can go like if I can't join the group, I'm still going to go, like I don't care, I'm going to go, and I was very defiant about it, and I was going to go by myself.
Aliya Cheyanne:
Fortunately, though, and luckily for me, my dear friend Angela, who was also on the trip, ultimately we went together. It worked out that we were able to go with each other. We had a time, and I bring that example up because I was going to do it scared, and I was going to do it alone. I was going to do it alone, and I was a little nervous about it, but ultimately I didn't have to, you know, and it turned out being an incredible experience and an incredible memory that I really treasure with my friend Angela, that we were able to do that and have that experience together. To go to Selma to see what it looks like now, to think about the history and the significance of that place, to walk across the Edmund Pettus Bridge where Bloody Sunday occurred, and to have that experience together was just so impactful and so meaningful and an experience and a memory that I'll just never forget. I think another example of doing it scared and doing it alone, doing it anyway in my personal life was going on my first real solo trip for my birthday in 2023 and doing that trip on my own.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I, for the most part, felt relatively calm. Like a lot of times for me, I don't know, I don't want to say I don't know Sometimes my anxiousness around situations or my anxiety around situations doesn't manifest in like high strongness or agitatedness. Sometimes it manifests in like deep dissociation and calm. That to say that every moment leading up to it I was just kind of going through the motions to the point where I was like sitting in my plane seat, like I wasn't feeling excitement per se, but I wasn't feeling dread. I was just like unnaturally calm. The excitement didn't hit me until we were coming in for the landing and I started seeing, you know, just the beautiful crystal blue water and yeah.
Aliya Cheyanne:
But the only thing that I felt nervous or uncomfortable about in that experience was like when I first got there and the taxi driver I had from the airport to my Airbnb asked me like flat out, like oh, are you here by yourself? And I don't, I know for sure. Well, I believe I know for sure in my body that he didn't mean that in a harmful way. He actually ended up being my taxi driver for like everything the rest of the trip, every restaurant, everything. When he directly wasn't available, he would send someone else to like, you know, come get me and take me places. He helped me go on my first tour, like everything. But I definitely lied at first. I was like no, I'm not here on my own, like I'm meeting other people, and then eventually I had to explain that that wasn't the case but for safety reasons, like I didn't want to tell this person I didn't know like right off the bat. That was the only time I really felt a little cringe.
Aliya Cheyanne:
Eating on my own wasn't as difficult as I think I might have anticipated. There's no requirements to have conversation. Any waitstaff I had was really nice and if anyone looked they didn't look for long. I didn't really think much about what other people were thinking about me eating on my own. I just enjoyed my meals and settled my bills and dipped, went on to the next activity or beach time or like whatever I wanted to do on my own schedule. But there's an aspect of that where there was at least a moment of you know reality setting in, like hey, like you are on your own, like think about your safety type thing. But otherwise I did it alone and I did it anyway and it was great and I'm looking forward to say that, whether it's business or whether it's personal, showing up and doing it scared and doing it alone and feeling the fear and doing it anyway is a natural part of life.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I hope that if there's anything you're contemplating for your personal life or maybe for your business, that you recognize those feelings and if it is the right move and the right decision for you, you go forth and do it anyway. I think there is a way to do things alone and still find community, and I think that's really special and important. Don't limit yourself from experiences and opportunities to connect. If that's what you want to do when you show up to certain spaces or you move forward with certain plans. But if you're also just in a space where you have to do the thing alone, community is not a part of that decision or not a part of the end goal. You're doing something alone for yourself, in your personal life or for your business, that you really sit with those thoughts and those feelings and you move forward and you do it anyway, especially if it's something that will help to bring you to the place that you want to be Personally, even if that's trying a new hobby. You might meet friends or make friends in pursuing that hobby. So don't ever discourage yourself from that. Even if you go maybe with the intention of connecting with someone else, remember that the hobby is still for you regardless. So even if you do it for that, you're still showing up for yourself in that way.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I think another way that I've shown up alone and done things anyway is even in volunteering. I've done more volunteering work, a lot more in the past than, unfortunately, I'm doing now, and I am wanting to really get back into a space where I'm doing more volunteer work. But in the past I've joined groups doing work in school. So one time I joined a group who was doing some work at a school in Harlem where they were painting some walls that needed to be painted but also assembling some just chairs and tables for, like an outdoor area for the students, and I randomly found out about it and I showed up because I was like, oh, this, this seems like something meaningful and community centered. I want to participate in this. And I ended up having a really good time. I actually very randomly and ironically reconnected with someone I went to like elementary school with, which is just not in the like a long term reconnection way, but we were were very surprised to see each other and we had a moment where we were just catching up about life and all the things as adults now, which was really cool and surprising. But also I challenged myself in the way of working with someone new that I had never met before.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I ended up getting paired with this guy to like help assemble a chair and at first, despite the fact that I'm like really good at assembling things and putting things together like furniture and stuff, like I just was like, oh, I'll let this man do all this stuff. I'll just kind of like stand here and like help pass the pieces of the chair and like help with the instructions, because he was really determined not to use the instructions. I was like, okay, I'll be the instruction person, you'd be the assembly person. But we went through the process and we actually shared a lot of it. At one point he just kind of like he was like get over here, like you use the drill, like you do this, like just kind of encouraging me to like put the instructions down and actually use my hands, and I thought that was nice and it made me feel really good after having that experience.
Aliya Cheyanne:
In the past I've worked with a group to help assemble in bags some small meals like sandwiches and chips and stuff, and we went out into the city in Manhattan and handed out as many as we could to people experiencing homelessness and it was an opportunity for me to connect with other volunteers and you know just practice speaking with other people. But it was also rewarding because even if we weren't in that moment solving homelessness, we were helping people who might have been experiencing hunger to at least know that they had access to a meal that day and it was a great way to connect with like-minded people who were there for the same reason and the same purpose, to offer the same support, and that was interesting. Another instance of just showing up on my own but finding community to volunteer was volunteering one evening with a group of folks to build and assemble some raised flower beds on a an alternative like housing space for people with varying mental abilities. They had a garden that was just like overrun, so I was able to work with a group of folks to clear out that garden, like get it down to a manageable level, cut the grass, like do all the weeding. And then we all worked together to build some raised flower beds and, you know, put soil in there so that the people living in that house could garden and grow their own food and flowers and vegetables. And that was something that was just really rewarding. But that was another example of me showing up to do something on my own, not knowing anyone, but coming together for a common purpose and a common good, to do something meaningful and to help people. I say all that to say that volunteering is another way to do something alone and do it scared, but have a meaningful impact and do it anyway. On the other side of that.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I volunteered in the past in the sense that I have a dog my doggy stormy girl but I've also fostered a dog in the past. I've only done it once because I was devastated by the end of it. I couldn't, you would have thought. The dog I fostered died the way I was crying when she got adopted. Guy fostered died the way I was crying when she got adopted. I would say I'm emotionally recovered from that now. Obviously this was 2021, going into 2022, something like that.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I keep thinking about fostering again because I would love for Stormy Girl to have some company. I just don't necessarily want the responsibility of permanently having a second dog. So I've thought about fostering as a way to like so she can have some engagement and play and it will give those dogs a break from, you know, being in a kennel all the time while they're waiting to be adopted. I just haven't brought myself to do it, but in the past I did do it and I had fostered this senior Doberman named Honey. I don't know anything about Honey's backstory. I don't know how she ended up. You know, being up for adoption when it looked like she was someone clearly had her. Some of the sorry. Let me take a sip of water y'all.
Aliya Cheyanne:
Some of the staples for that breed even though I don't support it because I think it's slow-key, kind of cruel are cropping their ears and cropping their tail. That's why sometimes when people see a Doberman with their ears not cropped and their tail not stubbed, they don't always realize it's a Doberman, because a lot of people are used to seeing the ears cropped and the tail stubbed. But Honey, at her age, was moved into, you know, a space of needing to be adopted and her ears were cropped and her tail was stubbed and then also, like their paws, something that some people will do is like remove something about their paws that they do. Anyway, all of those things had happened to Honey. So it was very clear to me that someone had her and someone invested and did all of those things. So it was really sad at her age to see her up for adoption.
Aliya Cheyanne:
I had her. It was supposed to only be one or two weeks, ended up being like five, going on six weeks and by the time her perfect mom for her was ready to adopt her. Storm and I were so attached to her that I literally cried that whole day and the day before, if I think about it too much, I start to get teary-eyed. Now, and for a while, I think, because her newly adopted mom knew I needed it. We stayed in touch. She kept sending me pictures and updates and all kinds of things for a while I would say months after Honey went home with her and it eventually slowed and stopped because life reality.
Aliya Cheyanne:
But that's also one thing to do. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it or do it well, and I feel like I did, and I could be Storm and I could be a great foster family for a dog in the future. But that's another form of volunteering, that it might be different, especially if you've never had a dog before, but that's another way to give back. So, anyway, if you're still here, shout out to you. But I say all that to say that you may be scared to try something new or go on a new adventure, but more often than not, freedom and joy live on the other side of fear. So you have to make a choice Be scared or live life and be free. I hope that you always give yourself permission to choose the latter. Choose the latter.
Aliya Cheyanne:
If you listen to the previous episode with Jeanette Anderson, she talked about entrepreneurship requiring that we do the scary thing, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. So I hope that if you're considering doing something alone, doing something scared and doing it anyway, whether that be in business or your personal life that you take the leap, because we owe it to ourselves to try things. We owe it to ourselves. Life is short. You don't want to look back on your life and regret that you didn't try to do a thing at least once. Another version of doing it scared, doing it alone and doing it anyways.
Aliya Cheyanne:
Continuing this podcast. All the OGs know it has evolved and it's been kind of scary continuing it on my own, but I still find it rewarding and fulfilling and it's allowed me the opportunity to pivot the show in a way that feels good and that feels valuable. For as long as I feel called to do it, I'm going to continue doing it with breaks. As I've said before, I value breaks a lot. So anyway, thank you for tuning into this episode. I hope you found it valuable. I hope you're able to take something away from it. I hope you feel encouraged to do the scary thing, to feel the fear and to do it anyway. Next week we're talking to the incomparable Ashante Rene, who is a friend and a mentor and a former boss of mine, about her businesses, the Axon Group and Susu House, and a bunch of the other exciting campaigns that she has. I will meet you back here next week and I hope you'll tune into that episode. Thanks so much. Catch you on the next one.
