Journey Through Grief: Unlocking Healing and Fulfilling Desires with Dr. Karen Kramer

What if the key to unlocking your deepest desires lies in understanding your grief? That’s the provocative question we grapple with in a transformative conversation with Dr. Karen Kramer, our guest and esteemed mindset and breakthrough coach. We delve into grief’s multifaceted nature, how it impacts our lives, and how it influences our mindset and energy. 

In our journey with Dr. Kramer, we unmask the intricacies of grief, dissecting its various forms like disenfranchised grief and the invisible patterns it can create in our lives. Simultaneously, we unravel how our subconscious beliefs can shape the way we cope with loss and grief. We also touch on how grief, often perceived as a roadblock, can become an energetic conduit, enabling us to manifest our desires. One of the stirring tales we unpack includes a client who miraculously healed from cancer by addressing her unprocessed grief.

As we navigate the labyrinth of grief, we offer practical strategies and tools. We introduce a unique G-R-I-E-F framework to aid your journey, discuss how to establish a new normal after experiencing loss, and underscore the importance of compassion towards oneself during grieving. Dr. Kramer reminds us of the significance of being present with our loved ones and the profound impact it has on our healing process. Tune in for an episode that promises to deepen your understanding of grief and equip you with the tools to unlock your healing potential.

Dr. Karen Kramer's Contact Information:

• Healthy Grief - Develop habits to living a healthy, long-, and fulfilled life with the Healthy Grief book at  bit.ly/Healthy-Grief 
• VillaVision - Learn about how the VillaVision Wellness & Retreat Center can support you at bit.ly/VillaVisionWellness
• Dr. Karen Kramer - Who is she and how can she help you? Learn more at https://drkarenkramer.com/
• Book a Call - Discover what's possible for you by booking a call with Dr. Karen  at bit.ly/BookWithDrK  
• Get social!  Connect with Dr. Karen at:
  • https://www.facebook.com/DrKarenKramer
  • https://www.instagram.com/drkarenkramer
  • https://www.linkedin.com/in/drkarenkramer/

Transcript

Greg Kuhn: 0:13

Hello, beautiful souls. It's Greg Kuhn, again your intentional manifesting coach, and I am so excited to be here with you today on Manifest the Big Stuff. I'm so excited because we have an amazing guest with us today, dr Karen Kramer, who I cannot wait to havea conversation with, and I'm so excited that you are participating, that you are going to and are listening to or watching this conversation right now, because I know how much value there is in it, even though we haven't had it yet, and I'm sure that makes sense to you. Dr Karen Kramer, please say hello to our audience before I introduce you fully.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 1:10

I love it. Hello to everyone.

Greg Kuhn: 1:14

I want to share. Dr Karen Kramer is a mindset and breakthrough coach. She is also the founder and owner of the Villa Vision Wellness and Retreat Center in beautiful San Diego, california. That is a spa inspired therapeutic center focused on helping women ground themselves in happiness, fullness, health from the inside out. Since 1993, dr Kramer has helped tens of thousands of people all over the world discover how to live a better life, something that we are certainly interested in. She's done it as their coach, as their facilitator, as a speaker, panelist and certainly as an author. In fact, some of her corporate clients include American Express, boeing, general Motors, nike, google. We're talking to someone who knows what they're talking about.

Greg Kuhn: 2:35

Today, with over 25 years of experience in leadership and personal development, executive and breakthrough coaching, dr Kramer is able to help people Well, I say primarily do three things Identify what they truly want in life, then release what's getting in their way and install strategies to move them farther, faster, with longer lasting results. So today I've invited Dr Kramer here to talk about something very important for intentional manifesters like us the subject of grief. Dr Kramer, my audience is full of successful people just like you and me, people who have spiritual practices and manifesting practices that work for them. We meet here to discuss manifesting our lives in those hard to reach parts of life. The big stuff like health, wealth, relationships, our love life and every part of our life, all of those parts of our life, everything here in three dimensional space time, is being affected or will be affected by loss. It's an inescapable part of this, all this, that the moment we say hello to anything here, including our own selves, we start a ticking clock counting down to the moment that we're going to be saying goodbye to it. And adding to that, of course, we don't know how long that clock will last, but we do know that everything here goes away, including us, which means that grief is baked into this system that we're participating in.

Greg Kuhn: 5:20

Now, for me, who better to talk with us about grief than Dr Karen Kramer? Because, dr Kramer, aside from your tremendous ability to transform roadblocks into opportunities, you also recently published a brand new life changing book on this topic called Healthy Grief. And I assume, dr Kramer, that there's probably no one size fits all solution to grief. You know, I'm an avid runner and, just like in running, where the perfect run, it won't magically transform my physique and my fitness, I imagine the quote? Unquote. Perfect solution won't instantly heal our pain either. It's got to be a journey, doesn't it? With gradual growth and transformation. I'm assuming you work on what you need to work on when you need to work on it Is that in the ballpark? Please set the stage for us about grief. What is it, what challenges does it present and what brought your focus to it? And tell us a little bit more about your book.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 6:58

Wonderful, greg. I love it and I love the setup and introduction. So, given the fact that you are the manifestor, I'm going to start with the flip side of that and say that society teaches us a lot about gaining, winning, acquiring things, manifesting what we want in our lives, but there's less information that's out there, whether it is YouTube videos, books, podcast, seminars, any kind of information that tells us how to lose things. And you had a very good point about when we say yes to something, the time ticks. It's not like you go into the grocery store and you pick up that jug of milk, excuse me, and it has the sell by date on it or something that has the expiration date on it. Even the people we don't have that expiration date stamped on our forehead, so we don't know, like even a pet, having a pet, knowing that at some point in time that might not last our whole lifetime. That's a perfect example of when you say yes to something, we don't necessarily think about how we're going to lose that. So my definition of grief typically people think about grief as something that's associated with death and dying, and yes, that is part of it. But my definition goes beyond that. It is that deep sorrow of losing what once was is no longer so, focusing on that, what once was is no longer that could be anything from a relative, who or pets that was alive and now is no longer. That could be a relationship we had and is no longer that could be a retirement right.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 8:56

I was in my career, I had this structure, I had this lifestyle and I retire. This is a current client of mine. I retire and people tell me I should be excited. Then why am I dealing with this emotion? Because I've lost the structure, I've lost my travel, I've lost my social network, I've lost my identity.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 9:19

I've lost even a client I had two days ago going through a divorce at 43. And she said one of the things she's grieving is this loss of this hope, dream and expectation about having children. It doesn't necessarily mean she can't, only she's processing through that idea that I may not necessarily have that. So there's all different kinds of griefs, some of which are what they call disenfranchised griefs. Disenfranchised griefs are those that are not traditionally seen as griefs in society's eyes, don't have a ceremony like a funeral associated with it and in some cases, are not necessarily seen by others like a retirement. Well, you should be happy that if somebody's not happy about that, or dealing with a loss when that is seen as disenfranchised, people are telling her she should be, but she's not.

Greg Kuhn: 10:18

Is it fair to say that menopause would fall under that category?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 10:22

Yes, in fact, one of the stories in my healthy green book is around middle age. It was a woman who wrote it around middle age and menopause and how society has portrayed what a woman in middle age would do and talks about her story, about fighting against that. Like just because I'm going into middle age doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me, that I have to either get makeup or Botox or these things to be acceptable. So, yeah, menopause, and for men as well as women, it's coming into middle age. I've even had a client who said, oh, arp is knocking at my door.

Greg Kuhn: 11:12

This whole idea about 55 years old I'm now old the concept that we place upon ourselves and again, much of that is society placing those expectations and views that we may accept on ourselves- I try really hard to be a discerning consumer of conventional wisdom, as a 56 year old myself, and certainly what I hear you saying, I believe, is that there's a component to healthy grief and processing grief healthily that brings a certain freedom, or certainly can.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 11:55

Yes, so I'm going to look at that from two parts One and the flip side of it is, let's just say, one resolved grief can kill you. I'm just going to say that. So it is the idea of what are different kinds of grief, and healthy grief is about how do you process that so it doesn't settle within the body. And that's really, greg, why I wrote this book, because I want people to understand how grief is actually embedded in, as you started off saying, it's embedded in so many parts of our lives, this concept about loss. And when we're not effectively dealing with it, it can settle in our body in minor weeks and pains, headaches, shoulder aches, lower back aches, other major ailments, cysts and even so far as cancers and heart attacks. And in our medical fields, we go in and we focus on hey, you have a heart disease, here's the pill, here's the medication, here's the surgery. You have cancer, here's the radiation, here's the process. However, we don't get to look at what's underneath that and what's causing it. When I actually looked up this morning, I asked and I said what is the? What are the top three causes of death? And I just looked at the previous year. So in this case, it was 2022 from the CDC. Here were the top three that came up this morning One, heart disease. Two, cancer. Three is unintentional injury, which again, that could be many different things. But even to say that heart disease and cancers are showing up there from an energetic perspective, it's not just my experience with my clients and the research I've done.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 13:53

You have others, like the Hungarian-Canadian physician, dr Gabor Mate, who, with his book the Myth of Normal, talks a lot about the failures within the medical industry to just focus on the symptom of a disease, such as a heart attack and cancer, and not really going underneath that within his research it's going back to childhood trauma. Same things with Dr Basil Vonderkalk, who wrote the book the Body Keeps the Score. It's so, looking again at what are and he's a psychotherapist so looking in the therapy industry about it's not just diagnosing and giving somebody a pill that's going to numb him out. It's let's go underneath, let's go down to the unconscious or subconscious mind and easily identify the root cause of this. So that is all underneath why I am so passionate about release, which, yes, it provides us freedom to the question you asked when we're releasing, that we're not so triggered and hung up about that grief and also on the flip side of it. If we don't release it it can go into other forms of major minor ailments and dis-ease in our body.

Greg Kuhn: 15:20

Well, listening to you, the idea of not processing grief, especially in a healthy manner, is a bit frightening to me, and I want to be transparent and say that, in my experience, grief itself is a bit frightening for me. The emotions associated with it are things I sometimes avoid processing. Do you find that common? I mean, I have some thoughts about that which I want to share a little later. But if so, what makes grief such a scary thing to encounter, aside from the obvious fact that it's associated with an undesirable experience in most cases?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 16:09

Yes, so when working with clients, you mentioned scary or fear. Right, so it's. For what purpose? Is that emotion underneath it? So let's take, for example, if we have three different situations of grief a death, let's say a parent death, a divorce, a parent, a partner walks out in us or retirement. Let's just use those various different types. So, in there, if fear or scary is underneath that, for what purpose? So, for example, maybe I am feeling afraid, it is scary. I'm feeling afraid because I don't know what's going to happen next. My parent dies. I don't know what's going to happen after they die. My partner walks out. I don't know what's going to happen after I go through a divorce or breakup, retirement. I don't know what's going to happen when I step out of the structure that I've been in for so long, is it? I don't know. I'm unsure, I'm unclear about the next step.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 17:13

Another common one that I experience with clients is a rant and they can be tied together, by the way is this sense of loss of control for somebody who needs to have control. When somebody passes, I don't have any control about when they leave my life. Of course, I had no control about when they choose to, or the court decides what's going to happen going forward Retirement, if I have a sense of, I don't have any control about what age or how I am going to be let go or retired from my company. So it's getting underneath that emotion, and the work that I do with clients is we've identified the emotion, what's underneath that, what's belief is underneath that. That is then activating that emotion associated with it.

Greg Kuhn: 18:08

Oh, it's the grief. Can almost be a breadcrumb trail.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 18:15

Yes, it is, it is.

Greg Kuhn: 18:18

And I'm assuming I mean especially based on some previous conversations we've had and my own reading of your book and your material that breadcrumb trail can lead us to some potentially profound awakenings, as if we're willing to go there.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 18:42

Definitely definitely. And in the Healthy Grief book there are 30 stories that are in there. I originally started this book with my own stories and knew I didn't. This wasn't about me, this wasn't about my experiences. So I actually handpicked some of my clients, some colleagues who also do this work and some acquaintances who have some very powerful stories. So throughout each of those stories and these, everybody has submitted a story. They see my review. They're basically case studies, myself included. They're case studies. So I went through and identified what are some areas. I pulled out pieces of their story to help the reader understand those breadcrumbs underneath the story, behind what's there. So yes, it's unraveling.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 19:35

So one of the things that I do with my clients in my office here I actually have a turtle rug. Turtles are symbolic for me. It's coming back home, but it's a circle rug and I typically I stand on that rug and I say this this is your stage. You are that the center of your stage, of your life. I love it when I'm working with teenagers because they already think they're the center of the universe, which is perfect, because they get the concept and, for no matter the age is, we are the center of our stage and everything that happens in our life, every situation, every person that comes in our life, every experience is happening for us. It's a learning that's there for us. So, whether it is an accident, a diagnosis, an event, something that somebody says and we have a reaction to it, it's less about that situation, it's less about that person, it's less about what was said. It's more important about how we're responding to it, because we respond out of something that is within us. It's within us to explore.

Greg Kuhn: 20:46

Yeah, that's our inner world. That's a great prompt for me because I sadness certainly, I'm sure, is an emotion that is reasonably synonymous with grief. Yeah, sadness, I find, is something that I often need to be intentional about processing because it's not one of my favorite emotions. What other ways does grief manifest in our lives? What are some other things that we can look for in ways we can recognize it and also continuing to explore that? Are there ways that grief manifests potentially as a repeating pattern? I guess, especially if we're not doing the processing.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 21:44

Yes, and there are so many questions that are embedded in that, greg. So I'm going to keep it apart and then help remind me on where we are. So I'm going to start first with repeating patterns that you mentioned and let's go back to that stage analogy. So we're in my office. I'm on that turtle stage. If I find that I continue to have repeating patterns, let's just say forsake a conversation. Relationships. If you've ever experienced someone I'm sure it's not you, someone in our life who has gone through repeated relationships different name, different person, same person, different name, concepts, right. We can also see that in jobs. As I was still working with leadership, I've seen that person where they're like this coworker, this boss is responding this way and I'm thinking did you not say the same type of thing about your previous boss? Previous, right? Okay.

Greg Kuhn: 22:41

Right, yeah, I hear that Sometimes I call that kind of a pattern a geographical curer. Is that? Am I in the ballpark there?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 22:52

I love it, I have it. Yeah, it's the common denominator of one, but they're looking at it's everybody else except for me, right? Yes, I hear you loud and clear.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 23:06

Yeah. So it's repeating those patterns and in this space we will create those patterns in our life until we recognize it consciously and do something about it. I'm going to badly paraphrase and I can't even think you said it now, so I want to say it's Carl Young. Okay, it's a quote I'm unable to articulate right now, but it's around those unconscious patternings that I have that will continue in our life until we are made consciously aware of it and then break the pattern. So with that, we're not aware of it.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 23:43

Sometimes other people can see those patterns before we do. It's like Einstein says we can't. You know that whole solving the problem from the same level of thinking that created the problem in the first place. It's that same concept goes for me too. I try to DIY myself for my own divorce Did not work, by the way, you know, having somebody else there to support me. So and see those patterns.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 24:06

So one of the things that I've seen, one of the things about why we're not recognizing the patterns, is we're not recognizing the filters that we have about the way in which we see the world, and I think we shared this before when we last chatted. But there's 11 million bits of information that come at us every second. 11 million bits of information, from this little font in the back of the head about the groceries, to noise that's around me, to what I'm seeing around me, what I'm seeing in here, what I'm interpreting about what I see, how I feel with my feet on the floor, socks, shoes so everything. It's 11 million bits of information, but we can only filter in somewhere around 128 bits per second of information versus everything that's around us. So the question then becomes what is it that helps me focus on that 128 bits of information? What are our filters? And it's our beliefs about ourselves in the world that create those filters. So if, for example, talk about a relationship one, if I have a belief that, by the way, limiting beliefs are things that are usually adapted when we are under the age of seven or 10, when we're younger, right based upon our experiences, we hear dad talk about how hard it is to make money Okay, money's hard to make. We see a relationship break up, divorce, like relationships are hard. Whatever it is, we create those beliefs at the subconscious or unconscious mind. Those are our filters.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 25:44

So if I walk around in life and I have a belief that I am not good enough. I'm not good enough, okay, which, by the way, I'm not enough is a common belief in the women, specifically, that I work with. However, I've also seen that in some of the men that I've worked with as well. But if that's my belief that I'm not enough, then I'm going to get in a relationship and anything that hints that I'm not enough I'm going to believe that and I'm going to fight against it, and that may be creating what's allowing what is then leading to the demise of that relationship. I'm in a relationship with my boss. He says something and I go back to he's telling me I'm not enough, I'm not enough. He needed to be giving me some honest feedback to help me improve. But I'm hearing I'm not enough and then, all of a sudden, I'm creating attention and I'm leaving and going to another job with another boss, who? So it's these patterns that are within us. It's the way in which we interpret the world.

Greg Kuhn: 26:47

With you and I don't want to interrupt your train here. Just I want to piggyback on what you're saying. I remember a conversation with a neurosurgeon. I was asking them about phantom pain. You know that phenomenon where I've lost a limb or part of my body, but yet I'm feeling pain there and part and parcel to your point, they said you know, Greg, obviously that pain is all in the patient's head, and probably the biggest hurdle for someone in that position is accepting that everything is in our head, everything is occurring right here and so, yeah, we are manifesting the form, function, meaning and value of all of this our entire life, utilizing those beliefs that we inherited, correct, we didn't choose them off of the feline, so those beliefs, I'm guessing, are limiting beliefs that we didn't choose, so we're not responsible for their residency in our subconscious. However, we're profoundly, immensely, completely impacted by them, and I'm assuming that there's a tie in here with grief.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 28:21

Definitely, definitely. So, yes, it is all to your point, all within our head and within, I would say within, the unconscious or subconscious mind. I use those terms interchangeably, depending upon the field you work in. So let's just say unconscious mind for sick and going forward on this. So, yes, those beliefs we adopt about ourselves, other people in the world, are those that are adopted under the age of seven or 10, depending upon the theory, right, that we adopt, and or can go back even further than that. But let's not get into that theory, let's just keep it within this time frame, just for concept of conversation.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 29:02

So what happens is when we adopt those beliefs and again, they're prior, somewhere around the age of seven or 10, that's when we develop that critical faculty, that part of our brain which then we become more critical about information we take in. We may see something and we start to think is this true or not? That's that critical faculty Prior to that seven or 10,. When that's not fully formed, we take everything in like a sponge, uncritically. It's like the reason why we don't set a child down in front of a shoot-em-up movie or game, because they may then believe that to be true. I remember, at two years old, my husband and his dad at the time were watching Private Ryan and my two-year-old ran up to the TV and said no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He didn't understand that that was not real, but he understood that his body was reacting to this whole shoot-em-up death and dying at that point in time. So, yes, we are not responsible and we are responsible. So I'm going to go back to some of that yes and no.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 30:12

So, yes, it is something that, prior to our age of conscious awareness, we adopted as true for ourselves. So that is like what's proverbial in the backseat of our car, that unconscious programming that's telling us I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable, I'm not in control. Whatever that belief is, it's sitting in the back. So here we are, driving along in our life, ladi-dadi-dadi, and then something happens, somebody says something, a situation comes in our life and all of a sudden it's like that Remember, you're not good enough. Like it comes in, like whispers in your ear. You're not paying attention, it sits in your passenger seat of your car, you're not, still paying attention. It may then start to steer your life. Put on the brakes, the gas, whatever it is, it starts to take over your life. So at that point in time, if we find that unconscious programming is taking over our life, we do have a choice. We have a choice to continue to let that pattern happen or we have a choice to do something about it. So we are responsible for that choice that we have Now in doing something about it. The good news is is that it's not us, it's our programming that's sitting in the back seat of our car. It's the programming that's sitting at the unconscious level and our programming can change. Programming can change, so let's map it across to grief, which was part of your question.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 31:50

So how is it that somebody like me can go through two divorces and multiple deaths and still like the last two deaths that I have? My brother and my mother passed away within two weeks period of time, and I was the head coach for an organization that was helping to train other people in this mindset unconscious work NLP specifically and it was a 16 day program and my role really is to hold space for the students. So when they do have, any kind of emotion starts bubbling up and it is a point to where the team leads are it's for logistical reasons or they're unable to handle it. I need to be able to hold space for and help that individual process. But if I'm not in an emotional space to be able to handle it, I could be easily triggered by whatever they are going for and it's not going to be helpful. Trauma bonding is not helpful. So I needed to make sure, before I stepped into that program, that I was at a place where I was healed and grounded enough where I can hold space for those individuals. And I did that a week after my mom passed away, three weeks after my brother passed away.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 33:06

So having gone through this work is because I use the same skills that I use with my clients. I used with myself, I processed with myself and that was one of the impetus for the book. If I can do it for myself and I could do it for my clients, how then can other people do it? So a grief is an event in our life. I'm standing on my turtle stage.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 33:29

That death, that divorce, that events is an event in my life and then it's activating a thought, a feeling, a reaction from me. So if I am dealing with the triggers that, for example, one of those was financially I had to deal with a lot of my financial beliefs that I had when I was being raised because my parents were raised in the depression. So a lot of those that money is hard to come by, I have to save, I have to do all this. So, releasing that programming allow me to know that financially, whether it's a divorce or a death of a parent, that I'm okay. Also, releasing that need to have that person in my life whether it is a divorce or a parent in my life, I also was able to ground myself into who am. I trust myself, know myself in such a way.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 34:30

So, just using those two examples, beliefs and feelings associated with finances, beliefs and feelings associated with being alone or by myself those are things that were tied into those grief situations. So once I released what wasn't helping me, those limiting beliefs that prevented me from moving forward, those beliefs that were minimizing and not allowing me to be grounded in who I was, then I was more able to easily walk through those grief situations, as well as many that are. As you mentioned, life is out here. I'm gonna say yes, I'm gonna step into some other grief situation going forward where life is full of those. That's the way we learn, that's the way we grow from the various different challenges in our life. Releasing those triggers, identifying those patterns, have helped me, have helped my clients be able to approach the next challenge in their life much differently than they have in the past.

Greg Kuhn: 35:35

Why do ringing endorsement for healthily processing grief, for having respect for grief, for being intentional with grief, intentional as we approach it and how we approach it? It begs the question, I think well, what happens when we don't process grief? Calling back to something that we touched upon earlier in this conversation what are some of the biggest mistakes that a griever can make?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 36:18

One of those is avoiding the grief cycle. I'm fine, I'm fine, everything's fine. I talk about this in my book. So there's many different stages and ways that we may and reasons why we may avoid it. I don't have time to grieve. I even start off my book by telling my own story about being there where I thought I was going through the grief process. But I was approaching it logically, distracting myself with dealing with all the logistics. And then there was that one day where I just broke down, had it. It just fented all over my family, poor thing, and that started that cycle of grief. So back to your question around and state your question again, because I realized I was starting to go off track on that, state your question again.

Greg Kuhn: 37:10

Gladly, gladly at the heart. What can happen to us when we don't process grief, and then what are some of the biggest mistakes that grievers make that might find us in that position.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 37:30

Yes. So thank you, Greg. So thinking about grief as energy, negative energy that's in our body, that may be one way to think about it. So it could be, and I could even get into talking about the emotions and range of emotions that come into. But so just briefly, because some of the range of emotions you've talked about, some of them sadness In some cases people are shocked, they're numb, like just this event happened and I'm not quite sure how to respond.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 38:03

Anger is another common one and again it depends upon the grief, this resistance, or hitting rock bottom, going into on the positive side, going into finally accepting what that grief is and also moving into the healing. What I just mentioned is part of a model that I have in my book just to have an understanding about the various different emotions that we may have, and we can flow back in any of those different emotions and all of the other. I think there are 36 different emotions that I talk about as part of a flow of emotion. But if we are stuck, let's say, for example, if there's sadness or there is anger or there's hurt or there's fear, that is in that grief that's there, that is stuck, energy that can then settle within our body. And to give you an idea, I'll talk about one of my clients who's also a story in the book. She also was the impetus for me starting this book. So she came to me because she had just been diagnosed with stage two colon cancer. So I ended up doing a half days worth of work with her to be able to release the negative emotions. Yes, it can easily be done in a half day. All I did was go through the process of releasing the negative emotions. Now she was very open with her story, so it's also in my book. So I'll talk about some of the details here which I normally wouldn't with other clients.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 39:30

Reason why she finally decided to come to me was because her doctor said to her you may have been diagnosed now, but this cancer, this tumor, this cancer has been growing in your body for five years and she finally made the connection. Five years prior to that her husband had passed away, had committed suicide, so one of those things that she held onto guilt. And she even said why was holding onto this guilt? Like it was a? I needed to take it to my grave and I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. So verbalize where she said it was and that she needed to hold onto this guilt.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 40:17

Then, when doing the work also, there was more that ended up going back. It wasn't just that event in her life, it went back into something that happened when she was six years old too. So it's these what the root cause can be anywhere along our timeline. But what happened? By identifying that and releasing it, it also helped to release the energy associated with that tumor cancerous tumor and where it was in her body. So when I talk about this, I'm not saying that I healed her. What I did is I allowed her to be able to process and release that emotion, which then allows her body to do what our body is naturally designed to do is to heal itself.

Greg Kuhn: 41:02

Love that. So it sounds very much Dr Kramer like unprocessed grief can really muddle our efforts to manifest and live our lives more intentionally.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 41:20

Yes, back to what I said in the beginning is, if we want to focus on manifestation in our life, we also have to have an understanding of the flip side, which is loss being able to process through and losing something. Okay, that's part of it, to be able to let go and know that that's going to be a cycle of life before we can truly fully step in to manifesting what we want in our life. Versus going towards what we want in our life and then having some kind of setback or hiccup in our life and then being stuck in that energy, because that stuck energy is going to prevent us, just to kind of hold us back from fully stepping into that manifestation in our life.

Greg Kuhn: 42:06

Interesting. You know you're making me think of a quote that I remember reading as a teenager and thinking why is this a quote? Because it's so negative from my teenage perspective. And the quote is until we agree to suffer, there will be no end to the suffering. As an adult now I understand that what that quote is referencing is, if I'm not willing to look, you know, these problematic parts of my life in the eye, it's really really difficult to move on from them.

Greg Kuhn: 42:55

And I'm curious, since we are going to want to process grief, since we are going to want to limit its impact, its negative impact on our lives, the lives we're manifesting, what are some of your best tips for processing grief? I mean, I don't want you to just to give away the entire book. It's a great book and manifestors intentional manifestors you're going to want to read it. But while we have you here, what are some of your best tips?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 43:37

Yes, the core part of the book is based upon the Healthy Grief Framework. So grief, focusing on that word, g-r-i-e-f is the framework to help process. I intentionally made this book easy so that you can have conversations with children to somebody who's older. So it's intended to be for the griever as well as the supporter and easy to remember. You don't need the book who can remember it. So G-R-I-E-F gather relate, involve ease and focus and they're all focused on various different parts, even as you think about the body and, again, it's easy to remember and easy to process. So gather is around the head. What logical information do I need or do I have about what's going on? Are relate, relate to the emotion we may have, relate to the emotion of others who are being affected by this grief. I involve, involve in action steps, what steps, even minor steps today and, by the way, all of these are questions to engage in on a daily basis, to assess, and you may not have answers to all of these on a daily basis, but it's kind of like to say for those people who get lost in grief is to have the roadmap to say here's where I am, here's the X about where I am today. So involve could be something as simple as I'm going to get out of bed before noon, take a shower and get dressed today. That could be a simple example about involve taking an action step. The fourth one ease and, by the way, involve is around feet. So taking action feet Ease is with support, formal or informal support. I see that as the holding hands. What support do I need today? And by home, that could be something as simple as a friend or a neighbor bringing over groceries or prepared food. It could be something formal like having a lawyer or a doctor or a therapist or somebody to help. So it's all kind of ease with support. And love is vision, it's the focus. What does the new, the future, look like? The new normal look like?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 46:14

I also think about the process through grief is like a book itself, and what once was is no longer like a death or divorce, retirement, whatever it is. That's almost like the close of a chapter of our life. What once was is no longer. And so we're in that process, just before we start turning over that next page to that new chapter of our life where we're easing between letting go of that previous chapter of our life that we've known for so long and are easing into that new chapter of our life. That is, then, with new values, new ways of doing things. So, for example, like for a, this could happen with both a divorce as well as a death in the family.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 47:03

What do holidays look like? What's the new normal for holidays? If we typically went to grandma's house and grandma passed away, where are we going to have those holidays? Grandma usually made that special apple pie. Is somebody make that special apple pie? Are we going to have another new tradition that's going to come about? How are we going to handle presence? So, whatever that new normal is is like that new chapter of our life, and that's what F focus is about. So g, r, I, e, f. So gather information, take to the emotions, that's what we are involved in. Action steps, and they can be simple, okay, easy ones, bees with support, formal or informal. What do I need? And F, what does the new normal, that next chapter, look like? And a series of questions under each of those just to gently just reflect on for each day, yeah, and you know that new normal right.

Greg Kuhn: 48:17

In many cases, maybe in almost every case, when we're addressing something as significant as grief, that's probably a normal that I don't really want, at least at first, wholeheartedly. I wouldn't have asked for it, I wouldn't have selected it myself, most likely. And right along with that, I've heard you refer to processing grief as setting your heart free. So help me join those two things together. If I'm setting my heart free, obviously that means my heart was bound, and yet I'm setting it free into a new normal. That certainly is painful. You know, in a grief event You're speaking to this and those steps that you just went over for us, they can help me bridge that divide.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 49:42

They can. So you're getting me to think about some of the stories that I have in the book which are intended to be. There are various different ways to process through grief. There are various different grief situations that are out there. So it's intended to give hope, and it's also intended to recognize there are various different paths to that next chapter to free your heart. As an example, and the even that, the grief path that I just gave you was not intended to be linear. You can only go through this way. It's just to give you a framework. Okay, where are you today? What does tomorrow look like? It could be something as simple as that, and so, after each of the 30 stories, I then go through and identify each part of the RIF framework to really help people understand.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 50:39

For example, one of the stories that is in there is Erica Davis, who, at the age of 24, ended up with a rare disease that then crippled her to the point where she became a paraplegic. She was an athlete. Even with her story as far back as three years old, she was an athlete and, at 24 years old, ended up becoming a paraplegic. Her story after that is about her life did not end. She didn't sit on the couch. She didn't wallow. Did she ever down days? Yes, but she also turned it around into okay, this is the way it is Like medically. She wasn't necessarily going to get her legs back. That was in part of this process that you're talking about, greg, and even when I talk about the relates the relating to your emotions and coming out of it, acceptance is part of that stage. At what point am I accepting that this is just the way things are? I'm not going to get back my dead parent. I'm not going to get back my ex. I'm not going to get my legs back. Okay, in Erica's situation, it's an accepting of what is, and that really is part of that grief process, and that's also how do you lead up to that point. So, once you accept what that is, that then helps you move into that new normal. Erica is the very first paraplegic to summit Mount Kilimanjaro. Well, I don't know about you, but I've never been at Mount Kilimanjaro. There's many people around the world who have never been at Mount Kilimanjaro. She's also been one of the national champions and Paralympics in multiple different I wouldn't even start to name all of them jet skiing, canoeing, curling, biking all these things that she has done. She just had a I believe her 42nd birthday, so all these things that she has done when she is a paraplegic. So, to answer your question, it is around.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 52:48

When we get to the point and this is all intended to get to us to a point where we accept what is that has occurred that in our life we're not bargaining, we're trying to get our partner back, we're not retiring and then thinking maybe we can go back into the organization and consult, just because we're not ready to let go, or we're grieving so much about an elder that has passed, or and there's. I'm only sticking with those three for the sake. But there's multiple different griefs that are out there. The more we can accept, the more we can then step into. What is that new normal In my book? There's also individuals. There's seven different types of griefs that I talk about in there from death and dying, intimate relationship related, such as divorces. Non intimate related relationships, like my divisions, and family estranged relationships. Two maternity losses. Two identity crisis from shifting gears, from between career related shifts and losing our identity in the process. I'm missing one. The very last chapter is trilogy, where you have multiple different, complex, compound griefs that happen back to back, and so all of those are to help the reader understand, as well as to gain their own sense about their own path they're going to.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 54:18

Some stories won't resonate with them, other stories. Whatever resonates is pick up on the ways in which they process through. What were the emotions that they dealt with, what were the challenges that they faced? What are those things that they thought? What are those things they overcame?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 54:33

Two of the individuals specifically are dealing with health diagnosis. It's not like, in some cases, this is their life. How, then, do they process through, knowing that there's only so much they can do to come back to a completely whole and healthy body? Some can, some are in the situation where this is my reality right now, like kidney dialysis is one of them Waiting for a kidney? This is my life right now. What can I do with what I have in my life right now without getting stuck in that emotion of why me? Why is this happening to me? Mad at God, mad at doctors, mad at other people? Right, because that's all stuck. Energy is releasing that and saying, okay, here's what the cards I'm dealt with right now. What's the next step? What's the next step that's going to get me to move towards what I want in my life, versus sitting back and wallowing and taking me down in my life.

Greg Kuhn: 55:33

Powerful testimony. Dr Kramer, we are unfortunately starting to bump up against time here. I have to say we could probably have 10 different podcasts emerge from just this one discussion. I've had to reign myself in numerous times to honor time. Actually, that's a great segue. The last thing that I'd like to ask you about I want to share just a little bit. First, I won't take too long, because I've done a lot of searching before we had this conversation about grief and my experiences with it. After I share just a little bit, I really want to make sure that we get you to share with us some of your best advice about this really important topic for people moving forward.

Greg Kuhn: 56:43

I mentioned time. For me, one of the reasons that grief is so pervasive is that we can actually re-experience it. Time is a very effective illusion. I don't think it comes as a surprise to anyone listening to this that we know that really everything is all happening at once. We're just experiencing it in this logical, linear unfolding. Because everything's happening at once, we are readily able to energetically connect with future versions of ourselves. We can connect with future versions of ourselves in parts of our future life where we are experiencing grief events, those losses that we know are coming, including our own. That's not even mentioning our ability to energetically connect with our past selves and experiencing previous grief events right now through that energetic connection, just like we can do with our future selves. Of course, we also experience grief in the present moment too, and, based on our conversation, I know that's where we can process grief healthily. I just want to share this, and then I want to ask you for your best advice.

Greg Kuhn: 58:28

One of my takeaways as I've prepared for our conversation is that the people in my life, the people that I love and the people that populate my life, they're always going to exist in one form, as an idea in my mind. In that way, the people who aren't around me physically right now, as ideas in my mind. They're as real as someone that I'm looking at in that way. That's a very powerful way, as we know. In fact, all of this past, present and future exists as an idea in my mind. What I was led to following this line of thinking is that the people, the places, the things that are here with me right now well, right now is my time to be with them as more than just an idea, and each moment offers me a strings-free opportunity to take full advantage of my current access to those people. Well, you know what Grief brings me. That Grief provides me that perspective. Grief opens the door for me to explore such concepts, which I find incredibly enriching. You have made so much more of a study of this, of course. So we've got to know, we've got to ask you.

Greg Kuhn: 1:00:35

My audience is full of people who I would say they know what they're doing, and yet we know that life is full of hard to reach areas. We know that our knowledge of what's possible for us, especially in the most important parts of our lives, is always growing, always expanding. We're going to have grief events. They're going to touch us, they're going to have deep impact in our life and many people listening right now might be experiencing that in this moment. What is your best advice? Not only to be well-prepared for grief when the inevitable events arrive. What's your best advice to let go of past grief that we might be carrying? And how about somebody who's experiencing grief right now? And I know that you could probably talk about this is such a big question, but if you were in an elevator with somebody now, don't spend more than 20 seconds, please. But how can someone unlock their unique path to healing, while grief is an ever-present part of their life.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 1:02:04

The first thoughts that come to mind, greg because I could go up in so many different directions, given the wonderful setup is compassion and curiosity. Compassion for yourself and curiosity for what is happening in and around you. There's a phrase that I love to use, and it's for what purpose? For what purpose is this happening for me? Now? It's a different question than why. Why is this happening to me? Why am I always getting this? Why is this happening to me? Turn it around. Why any voice Is.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 1:02:41

For what purpose am I being diagnosed with this? For what purpose is this boss showing up in my life and I'm feeling this way about this? For what purpose am I thinking and feeling this as I'm sitting with an elderly parent who's in the process of passing? For what purpose am I thinking and feeling this way? Negative thoughts and feelings about retiring, when other people are telling me that I should be happy about this? Just using those examples for what purpose?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 1:03:23

Gives us an opportunity to be curious about our thoughts, our feelings and our reactions, with compassion for ourselves. Compassion for the events and people and situations in our life, because they are all happening for us, which gives a window into why that may be happening for us now, because many of the things that may be happening for us even if it is a grief, how we're responding to that grief or how it's manifesting in our body, can actually be much more than the experiences that have occurred in our current lifetime. They could be physical ailments, beliefs and things that could be carried from past generations to past lifetimes that we have had, and again, we can go off on that topic. I know that we can, but I've also experienced that with clients. Again, it may be beliefs or issues or responses to grief that have nothing to do with our current lifetime, and the more that we can just approach it from a place of compassion and curiosity for what purpose it could help us unravel the mystery of that for us.

Greg Kuhn: 1:04:42

I love that actionable takeaway. That's a phrase that I'm going to carry into many situations, not just grief, events for what purpose I love that. And compassion and curiosity. We're never going to be sorry to employ those things. Those are perspectives and approaches that don't let us down, do they?

Dr. Karen Kramer: 1:05:14

Correct, correct. They're just a window to understand ourselves in this lifetime of opportunities to explore the wonders of life, which include the losses and griefs as well.

Greg Kuhn: 1:05:29

Well said, well said, and I'm a gamer. I can't thank you enough for not only your time, but your full presence here and the way that you gave us everything that you had. I know that we have made good on our intent to create something of tremendous value here, and, before we do any sort of wrapping up, I want to take this opportunity to share with everyone listening two things primarily. One we're going to make sure that we have all the links to Dr Karen Kramer in the description of this episode, whether you're watching on YouTube or you're listening on your favorite podcasting platform. So go there to follow up and make sure that we can continue conversations like this impactful, powerful conversations about manifesting our lives more intentionally by joining my Facebook group that's called Manifest the Big Stuff with Greg Kuhn, creating our realities together. The link to that is also in the description. There, you're going to find content from me that's exclusive to that group, available nowhere else, and it's a lot of fun to foster those ongoing relationships.

Greg Kuhn: 1:07:07

I'm an active member of that community and I would love to see anybody and everybody there, so please take advantage of that invitation and that opportunity. Wow, dr Kramer, there's nothing more valuable than our time, and that definitely ties into today's topic, doesn't it? You shared it with us. Our listeners are sharing it with the two of us right now. I'm very appreciative to you and to them, the beautiful souls that have made this hour together so powerful and impactful. Thank you so much for your time.

Dr. Karen Kramer: 1:07:58

Thank you, greg, and the listeners.

Greg Kuhn: 1:08:03

Yes, absolutely. I look forward to continuing to learn from your journey, because I know the openness and the intent that you bring to what you share and, wow, we'll be happy to be a part of that moving forward, and I think that you have successfully introduced many, many people to a new avenue of resources through your site and your books and your coaching. So that wraps up this powerful episode of Manifest, the Big Stuff. Until we get a chance to meet again, my friends, keep believing, keep manifesting, keep making the most of your time. I will do likewise.