0:00:01 - Speaker 1
Welcome to the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This is the place where you get to feel inspired and empowered to step into your very best life. Hey, hey, this is Emma. Welcome to this episode of the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This entire season, season two, is dedicated to helping you really connect to your self-worth and live a worthy life because that's what you deserve. This episode is dedicated to boundaries and setting boundaries.
The reason that I've popped this in here is that when you are struggling with lower self-worth and when you're struggling with asserting yourself or maybe falling into those people-pleasing kind of areas that happen when you've got lower self-worth, it's very, very easy for you to also not have very good boundaries. And if you're not sure what a boundary is I didn't about eight years ago a boundary is essentially a way of treating yourself and loving yourself, but it's also a way of allowing others to see how you treat and value yourself as well. So just to give you an example of that, something that's really high value to me is trust. So in all my very close friendships and relationships, I know that my close friends have got my back. I know that I can trust them, and obviously, there are certain people in my friendship group that I'm especially close to and trust really really deeply as well. But one of the biggest things in my life is trust. So if a friend tells me something, it stays with me. I'm not a gossip, I don't share information, and I know that if somebody's saying to me hey, I need to talk to you about something, they know that it stays with me. It's really big, it's almost like a well it is. It's a subconscious kind of program with me that trust is really, really important. But at the same time I, when I so, let's say, I'm having a conversation with a friend and I'm saying to them I need to tell you something. I really need you to keep this private. This is just something I need to workshop with you, but please don't tell anyone else. If they agree to that, then they're agreeing to a healthy boundary that I've set, which is this is really private. I don't want you to share this with anyone else and you've just promised me that this is what's going to happen.
Now, let's say, that friend then went on and went off and told one or two or three or five other people this private information and I found out. For me, that is a massive breach of trust and it is massive. It's basically breaking the bond. It's like I've set a very clear boundary and they've just gone and absolutely smashed it. And for anyone that knows me, it's really.
It's almost like I'd say for me it's almost impossible for me to trust somebody again after they've broken my trust. It's such a big ingrained, subconscious program and me so you know, my friends know that about me and it's like you know, I'm not talking about little white lies, I'm talking about like breaking, breaking trust. When someone's broken my trust, it's I've walked away from, like friendships that have been there for years purely because my trust has been broken and I just know I can't ever trust them again and so, anyway, that's. That's an example of a boundary. But let's say, for example, you're in a relationship with somebody, like in an intimate relationship with somebody, and because you've got lower self-worth, it's almost like you just go with the flow.
You don't really like if somebody says something offensive to you instead of speaking up and being like, hey, actually, you know, we need to just talk about what you said or how you said that because that actually really hurt my feelings, instead of doing that, you just kind of go with the flow, and you just kind of let people speak to you a certain way. Because, again, deep down, it's about this people-pleasing aspect of us. It's about this need to always be liked. It's all our survival mechanisms, and there's nothing wrong with you. We're going to. We're going to, you know, weave our way through this and I'm going to give you so many practices to get better and better and better at this. So please don't be hard on yourself if, if you're kind of like, oh my God, this is me, but this is boundary setting, is going to be a really beautiful big practice Practice for you.
And so just to give you an example of boundary setting, if somebody has offended you, if somebody has upset you, like, I'd always do this in private, one-on-one with them. But I would always recommend you know saying something along the lines of hey, you know, when you said that thing that actually really upset me, and in future it would be better if you did X, y, z instead. And what you're doing when you're setting that boundary or kind of pulling somebody up on their behavior, is number one. You're teaching them or showing them, hey, this is the standard I have for myself in the way that I treat myself, and this is the way that I value myself. And instead of going, you're a dick, and you shouldn't have said that, because you know that's really direct and kind of it doesn't really give people much direction to go from. But basically, instead of doing that, you're actually saying to someone, hey, I'm pinpointing the exact thing that you said, and I'm saying that that thing that you said actually upset me, and instead, in the future, I'm giving you clear directions of what you should do in the future.
Again, it's just boundaries is about, you know, really trusting yourself and actually you know when you are triggered, if somebody has said something, if someone has done something that's really upset you, just knowing that you are worth, like that feeling that you have in your body, like that's your body saying this is not okay, this is not all right, and you know just backing yourself to say something. And obviously, there are going to be certain situations where maybe you don't feel safe to bring things up, and so you're going to have to navigate this in a different way. But I would always say, like you know, boundaries are an absolute sign. Somebody with really strong, clear boundaries, somebody who is quite clear when it comes to how they are treated is basically somebody with a really good sense of self-worth, because somebody with a good sense of self-worth will not put up with somebody treating them badly or will not put up with someone triggering them. And again, I know if you're listening to this and you are, you know if you do have lower self-worth at the moment, just know it's okay. It's okay, like, wherever you are right now. It's not a bad thing. Where you are right now, it's just you're on the stepping block.
And that's what these episodes are about. It's about giving you these little drops of information that are going to help you to increase your self-worth and to remember, actually, that it's just behind some fog at the moment. It's not because you haven't got it, and it's not because it's low in quantity in terms of self-worth, it's still there. It's just the fog around it. So when I say low self-worth, I'm actually talking about, like, I guess, just a lower vision of that self-worth. You know it's a little bit more blocked. So yeah, boundaries, it's a big one, it's a good one.
So I think maybe here's a little tip for the rest of the episode and beyond just have a look in the past of where somebody has maybe spoken to you out of turn, or somebody has done something where it has crossed a boundary, where it's really upset you, where it's, you know, yet just crossed a physical boundary, where it's crossed an emotional boundary, where it's just crossed anything to do with your relationship. Just really have a look at that and, instead of beating yourself up for not taking action on it, maybe instead have a think about a boundary you could have set around that. What could you have done, or what could you do going into the future? What could be the boundary that you could set around that so that that doesn't happen again? Or, if it does happen again, what can you do to either remove yourself from that situation or that person or change your environment, because that's the other thing?
If somebody continues to cross your boundaries, it's nothing to do with you, it's to do with them, and you know them. Obviously, they lack respect, or they lack their own personal boundaries and lack respect for other people. It's not you. The longer you stay in that situation, if someone continually, continuously crosses your boundaries, the longer you stay in that situation. I can promise you that fog around your self-worth is going to get thicker and thicker and thicker because you, you know your self-esteem, your confidence, your self-love, all those things are going to get slowly ebbed away from you. So that's boundaries. I'm going to leave you with that one, and I look very much forward to talking to you in the next episode. All right, sending you lots of love, take care. Thanks for your company today. If you want to feel inspired visually, then head to our Instagram page and follow us at Becoming your Warrior.
Transcribed by https://podium.page
