S2 Ep5 - Take Your Time

Hey Lovely,

Are you ready to discover a new perspective on self-worth and its impact on your relationships? Get set to embark on a journey of self-discovery as we explore how your self-esteem shapes your interactions, particularly in romantic relationships. We'll dive deep into the power of trusting your instincts and taking the time to honestly know someone before investing emotionally. Learn why actions speak louder than words, especially when dealing with low self-worth, and find out how this influences your decision to become intimate with someone.

This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom, drawing from personal experiences and advice from friends, emphasizing the need for pacing yourself in relationships and the significance of becoming the CEO of your own life. We discuss the heightened anxieties and insecurities that come with quick emotional investments and intimacy and how listening to that little voice of doubt, even amidst all the 'green flags,' can be a game-changer. So, are you ready to look closer at your self-worth and how it shapes your relationships? Tune in to our insightful discussion, and let's walk this journey together!

With love,
Em xx

You can follow Emma at:

https://www.instagram.com/emmaritchiewellness/
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Transcript

0:00:01 - Speaker 1
Welcome to the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. This is the place where you get to feel inspired and empowered to step into your very best life. Hey guys, welcome back. This is episode 5 of season 2 of the Becoming Your Warrior podcast. My name is Em. Welcome back if you are back from previous episodes and welcome if you're just joining. 

This entire season is completely dedicated to helping you to step into your full self-worth and start living a life of high value and worthiness and going after the things that you want. That includes your self-worth around relationships and that tends to be where these podcasts tend to focus on just your relationship with yourself, your relationship with others, and, of course, your romantic relationships as well, which is where low self-worth really really shows it rears its head. I'm not going to say ugly head, because we still love it anyway, but this episode is called Take Your Time Getting To Know People. We've already covered quite a lot about your instinct and your gut instinct and your intuition. It's a feeling that you have in your stomach area, in your kind of solar plexus. It's really about when you meet someone for the first time. If you walk away from that and there is like a little doubt in your mind just like a little like oh, I don't know what that was, but I didn't quite. I don't know, I can't put my finger on it, but there wasn't something quite right. Listen to that over all the green flags. Listen to that over all the fluff that someone has told you Something that's really interesting to know. Actually as well, obviously, depending on your gender, but men tend to be very visual. They tend to fall in love visually, and women tend to fall in love with what they hear when you are dating. 

It's very easy for somebody from a woman's point of view, for if you're dating if you're heterosexual and you're dating a straight guy, it's very easy for a guy to tell you lots of things, and it's very easy for you to be like, wow, tick, tick, tick, tick. But what happens when you have low self-worth as well? Are you really fixated on those kinds of green flags? So you fixate on the fact that maybe this person does philanthropy and that's something that's really important to you. Maybe this person really loves animals, and that's really important to you. Maybe this person is very successful, and that's really important to you. Maybe this person is telling you that they want to have kids or that family is really important to them. Just because somebody is telling you this stuff does not mean number one, it does not mean that it's true. Or if it is true, it might be that there's an ulterior motive. 

Something that I found out and discovered in the last couple of years is a lot of psychopaths are actually involved in philanthropy and in charity because narcissists and psychopaths and sociopaths do what they do if they have a facade. They have a face that they have to present, and part of that is well if I can show that I'm donating to charity or I'm involved, or I'm on the board of certain charities or organizations, then that presents and that supports this facade that I have. And the perfect example of that, which is a very disgusting example, is for anyone in the UK who remembers Jimmy Saville. Jimmy Saville was one of the biggest donors and raisers of charities in the UK at the time, raising millions and hundreds of thousands of pounds for children's charities, and we all know the horrible stuff that he was found out for doing. So what I'm saying is to take your time getting to know people. I'm not saying go in there and be like I'm just going to be really suspicious of everybody now, but I'm just saying actions. That age-old sentence of action speaks louder than words has never been more important when you are getting to know someone and especially when you know that you have lower self-worth, especially when you meet someone and you may fall into that place of putting somebody on a pedestal very, very quickly and feeling like they're incredible. Just give yourself time a friend of mine said to me really, before you start emotionally investing in a person I don't think this works all the time, but I think it's a general rule Again for someone who is dating and has lower self-worth I think definitely give yourself three months of dating somebody before you decide whether you wanna spend more time with them. 

And when I say dating, dating doesn't have to mean that you're sleeping with somebody. Dating can mean that you're actually hanging out with someone and going out on dates like old school I'm talking about going out and doing fun activities, going out and spending time with them, going out for like really cool romantic picnics. But just because you're doing all these things, it doesn't mean that you have to be sleeping with people. It doesn't mean that you have to be going into that and especially with someone with lower self-worth, what you are prone to is slightly more anxious, slightly more anxiety around relationships, and that is heightened when you are sleeping with people. And I'm talking, I guess, more from a female perspective at this stage. But if you are naturally a little bit more anxious when it comes to relationships, you really really wanna hold off sleeping with somebody, because once you have sex as women all know that lovely hormone called oxytocin gets released and things start to change. And we really need to be aware of how we are when we're initially dating when we're initially meeting people. 

And if you are somebody that kind of really does like get attached after sleeping with somebody, you wanna kind of really put that off until you know this person and maybe even speak to this person about that and just kind of say things do change when we sleep together. And I just don't feel ready for that If this person doesn't respect that, if you're not dating somebody who is really genuinely interested in you as a person and they're just trying to get you into bed, that is something that you need to make a decision over and again. This is about taking your time. This is about trusting your instincts If you feel you can handle that and that you can have fun with that and that's okay, then you can do that. But if this is gonna be yet another lesson in you know yeah, now you know what you already knew then I would strongly recommend that you take your time. 

So, yeah, so the magic kind of formula I've been given is kind of three months of dating and that is just hanging out like you know, seeing if you, you know, and this is like loose three months and then six months is generally the kind of mark where you kind of go do I really see myself in a relationship with this person? Like, is this somebody that I see myself longer term? Am I going into a relationship now? And you know, it's at that stage, that six-month mark, where I think you know from both sides of you the masks have slipped and you're actually showing each other your true colors and you're actually showing each other who you actually are. And that's where you really get to make the decision. 

So I'm not saying be like emotionally distant from somebody, but I'm just saying like, just hold yourself back emotionally and you know again, if you know at each stage, if you do start to feel anxious, if you do start to feel insecurities or anxiety coming up. Really, this is a perfect opportunity to speak to that other person and share those feelings and just watch how they react. Are they supportive? Do they understand that you may need a bit more time, you know? Are they caring about it? Are they understanding about it? Do they listen to you? Or do they dismiss you and kind of put you down as being needy? Because you're not. You're not being needy, you're just being in a place where you just want to express your feelings and kind of like work out how this person's going to react to you expressing your feelings. 

So take your time. It's the best advice I can give anyone who is kind of recovering from low self-worth and low self-esteem. You don't have to rush anything. You don't have to go at anyone else's pace but your own. You set the pace, and I'm talking like you know, to all genders. Like you set the pace, you decide what speed you want to go at, and you know yourself, and you know what you need, and you know what you're looking for, like when it comes to, you know, a significant other and, like I said, you know, with you be the CEO of your company, like you know if somebody was trying to rush a business deal through and it didn't feel right to you, you'd say no as the CEO of your business. 

So be the CEO of your body, be the CEO of you. Know your relationship style. Be the CEO of you and don't rush anything that you don't want to, and this is really, really, really important because it prevents you from getting into that stage of now. You know what you already knew because you know the pace, you know if something feels too fast and you know when you're ready and just go with that. Don't do it for anybody else. Do it for yourself. All right, I'm sending you so, so much love. That's all for today. Trust yourself, back yourself, listen to your intuition, and take your time getting to know people. Let the actions speak louder than their words, sending you so much love as you step into your full worth, as you step into becoming your warrior. Thanks for listening today, and if this episode helped or inspired you, just remember to share it with friends or family who could also use some inspiration today. We are all about sharing the love. 

Transcribed by https://podium.page