She Couldn't Enjoy Her Trips Because of Body Insecurities - Here's What Changed (Client Confessional with Varvara)

Varvara once had a healthy relationship with food, until she moved to the US, where everything changed. Suddenly thrust into the frenzy of American weight-loss culture, she felt like the odd one out in a sea of "lose weight quick" mantras. Varvara found herself in a rut, loathing her reflection in photos and videos.

As someone who loves to travel, V was determined to break free from binge eating and reclaim her confidence, and that's when she came across my Nourished & Free program.

In this episode, we talk about her wins, struggles, and transformation in her life, career and mind. So, if you're itching to ditch the self-doubt and feel confident in your skin, this episode is a must-listen!

TOPICS COVERED 👇 
Varvara's Background (02:58) 
Shift in her mindset and behavior around food in her 30s (03:48) 
Joining a rigorous weight loss program (05:19) 
Started to binge eat (6:00)
The effect of body image on Varvara's leadership role (11:16)
Impact of mindset on her behavior (15:42)
Coping with Weight Gain (22:45)
Understanding body fluctuations (25:05) 
Normalizing body weight changes (27:28)
Tools for coping with changes (29:03) 
Embracing discomfort in the process (33:32) 
Why Varvara decided to join Nourished & Free (36:34) 
Her breakthrough moments & impact of the program (41:38)
Maintaining progress and confidence (42:40)

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Transcript

Michelle (00:00:00) - I got a question for you. When you look at a photo of yourself or a video. How do you typically feel? What's the first thing that came to your mind? Was it at peace? Happy? Maybe you laugh because you remember the memory that was attached to that photo, or it brings you a sense of joy. Or. Does it make you feel? Shameful. Disappointed. Upset with yourself? Do you start to bash yourself? Do you start to pick apart your body and wish that it was different? Usually for women, this is the experience we have. When we look at a photo of ourselves, we see everything wrong with ourselves instead of everything right about that moment and how wonderful of a moment it was, and how great it is that we now have a photo to remember it. This is how it was for my client, Vee. She struggled with being in pictures and videos, and she travels a lot, and it was difficult for her to fully enjoy those trips because thoughts of her body, thoughts of her in a swimsuit, thoughts of the food would overtake her.

Michelle (00:01:17) - I got to sit down with her today to talk about her experience working with me in the program Nourished and Free, which is my four month group coaching program, and I'm excited for you to hear how she was able to go from avoiding photos, zooming in on all the flaws, trying to get the right angle to now being able to swim with sharks and take a video of it and have a highlight reel. Showing off the awesome experience that that was. Even though she was in a swimsuit, she was able to enjoy that moment and really enjoy putting together a little highlight video of that experience. Just after we finished recording, she mentioned how she's going to Sicily in I believe she said June with some of her friends and how she's really looking forward to that trip and she's not even thinking about buying another swimsuit to hide herself or thinking about the food that's going to be there. Instead, she's super excited to spend that time with her friends and just enjoy the experience. This is a really good example of how our relationships with food and with our body can really impact our quality of life, and kind of steal moments from us if we're not careful, if we don't do the work to make sure we're in a solid place with our relationship with food and with ourselves, these memories can be tainted forever.

Michelle (00:02:35) - Before we dive in, quick reminder to leave this show a rating if you are loving it, and to hit that subscribe button. Even though I know you've already subscribed and let me know if you listen to an episode by tagging me on social media at Yates Nutrition and letting me know what you thought of the episode. All right, let's hear from V. Welcome to the show.

Varvara (00:02:58) - Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited.

Michelle (00:03:00) - Yeah. So I'd love for you to just, like, fill in the listeners a little bit on who you are. You gave me a little bit on your bio, but I feel like it's just better to hear from you. So. Yeah, fill us in on who you are. Yes.

Varvara (00:03:12) - Sure thing. So I'm Vy, I'm 35. I'm originally from Russia, from Moscow. But I've been traveling and living and working all over the world for the past, I think 18 years. So I lived in Switzerland, Germany, in the Middle East and Dubai.

Varvara (00:03:28) - And now two and a half years ago, I moved to Miami, Florida in the States. And, I work in travel, you know, I live and brief travel and, very excited to be here.

Michelle (00:03:39) - Yes, I love it. So walk us through. Before you joined us in version three, what did your relationship with food and with your body look like?

Varvara (00:03:48) - So interestingly enough, Michel, I was thinking about like, where did it all start? And I realized that when I was growing up, actually, I had a pretty healthy relationship with food. like, naturally, in my culture, we eat quite a balanced diet, like, you know, a lot of, protein, a lot of carbs. I mean, potatoes are absolute life in Russia. and also we walk a lot, so we're pretty active, right? Because in larger cities we don't really drive. It's it's not very efficient. You take a lot of subways, you walk so naturally I feel like we're pretty healthy or set up to be pretty healthy.

Varvara (00:04:23) - And I have not had an example of dieting in front of me until maybe I was in my mid 20s. So that's interesting. It was it's very interesting. Right? Because then from my kind of 30s, it all went into a different direction. everything really changed I think after Covid. and I don't even feel like I gained a lot of weight, but hearing so many people emphasize that, oh, they gained weight and what it means for them and that they really need to lose it. I feel like it's gotten me into that place where I'm like, well, I could also lose some weight. And I could also show that I'm, like, capable, you know, and, and, and that I take myself seriously. And yes, I started putting that pressure on myself. I enjoy. I joined a very robust dieting program. It wasn't even dieting. It was like a weight loss program with really low calorie intake, you know, weight lifting five times a week, cardio seven times a week.

Varvara (00:05:19) - And oh my gosh, I'm it was crazy. Yes. And it's something so unsustainable. Yes. And I thought, you know, after the first week I was like, oh my God, I could live like that forever. Like it's totally sustainable. I was I don't know, I was in different brain space.

Michelle (00:05:33) - Oh, you get excited.

Varvara (00:05:34) - Yes. And you feel, you know, you feel when you have an exercised and then you kind of get into it. You feel. Good. But, you know, everything should be balanced. And that program wasn't about balance. And, I did lose a lot of weight. I was at my thinnest. But also, I think in the last few weeks of that program, it was four months. In the last few weeks, I had my first binge eating episode. I was just hungry, you know, it was like I was eating 1200 calories for four months. And for a minute I'm 510, you know, I'm pretty tall, so 1200 doesn't even cover like my biological needs, you know? No.

Varvara (00:06:13) - So, I just remember standing in front of my fridge and just consuming everything that was inside of my fridge, you know, for the first time. And it wasn't even good food, you know, it was all this, like, protein, heavy food. But I just couldn't control myself. That was. That was that was my first episode. And then I had the toughest summer of my life. I feel like, after that, because it was this mix of people telling me how great I looked and how they're inspired by me, and that I lost all that weight. And at the same time, me going back home and bingeing, you know, every other day. I think it was at that point. And then the next day, of course, restricting, you know, trying not to eat because I need to maintain my image of this thin, high achiever person. And it was. Yeah, it was it was tough. I don't think I realized. Like what? Bad space I was at, you know, mentally, it's really only an honest and free.

Varvara (00:07:21) - And, you know, my time here, really looking back at the time, I'm realizing, oh, my God, if I only had someone, you know, who I opened up to and, you know, people, my loved ones would have told me that they don't care about how thin I am. Actually my parents. Afterwards they told me, oh my God, you were so thin. Thin. We were actually worried like it wasn't. You didn't look very healthy. Why don't I just say.

Michelle (00:07:42) - Something I know?

Varvara (00:07:45) - Yes, I told them, but you know, they respect boundaries in my family. Yeah, it's good, but that's good. Yeah. So, that was, you know, my, the start of kind of my relationship with food problems and body image. And then I moved to the States. You know, I had this big change in my life, right. And adjusting to life in a new country, it's very stressful. And yet there I was, still putting pressure on myself, and especially because I moved here to be in a new leadership role with my company.

Varvara (00:08:15) - And so I was really pressuring myself to perform, at my highest. And I also connected, you know, the way I look, to how people perceive me as a leader. And I really thought that if I'm gaining weight and everyone is seeing that I'm gaining weight, people would think that I don't have my, you know, life together. I cannot make healthy choices. I cannot organize myself. And hence, how can I really manage like a multi-million dollar business and manage a team if I don't even have my life under control? so I feel like it was really it. It's been like that since I really, you know, moved to the States. And right before I started with you, I was at my lowest, probably where I was like, that's it. This is going to be my life. You know? I'm never going to I'm never going to progress to nicer, finer, happier things in life just because I lead this kind of double life. You know, I felt like a fraud, too, really, because my exterior is that I'm successful and I'm achieving and all those great things I, you know, I climbed to Everest Base camp two years ago, you know, like I'm doing all this great stuff, but at the same time, I know that I'm a fraud because when I'm coming home, I have this.

Varvara (00:09:38) - Binge eating. That's. Is just ruining my life, essentially, and that I can't take it and can't have it under control. so that was my place when I started Michelle with you, and I was like, that's it. You know, how how bad can it be? Cannot get any worse. So let's go for it.

Michelle (00:09:58) - Yeah, I feel like there's so many pieces there that are so interesting to me, particularly that just the importance of environment and, and your social influence with you growing up where you did and having a good example and lifestyle like foundation, it's still was impacted when you had a different environment and you were getting all these messages from people talking about how they needed to lose weight when Covid happened. And even though, like you had a pretty good relationship with food to begin with, it can still like we're such fluid and impressionable people throughout our whole life that it can, you know, we can have stages of our lives where it's like, wow, this is more important to me than it's ever been.

Michelle (00:10:45) - And that's new for me, you know? Right. And then also to I think you speak, you spoke about something that can happen a lot, which is that, feeling like you're living a double life. I know so many people can probably relate to that, that are listening to this, and I can certainly relate to that. That was something that I felt in my story as well. How do you think that that affected when you were at work and you were trying to be a leader?

Varvara (00:11:16) - I feel like it actually hindered my progress, you know, because I, I have the capability to be this leader. I am this leader. You know, I got this job for a reason because people saw this in me. but I was so focused on the fact that I know there's something else in my life that is going on, and that means I'm not good enough. Also, you know, I can't have my life under control, so. I've set up this image in my head that I cannot be a successful leader, and I feel like that really prevented me from unlocking my full potential.

Varvara (00:11:54) - Because, you know, when you're super focused on what are you going to eat for lunch and what are you going to eat for dinner? How many calories is it going to be? Is it really going to be enough to compensate for the binge you had last time? Like, how great can you really be at listening to others, right? Your team? Your partners? How involved can you actually be in this when your head is constantly, you know, in this flow of how much am I going to eat? What am I going to eat? Like, how much body fat am I going to have? So I feel like I prevented myself from unlocking my full potential for those couple of years as a leader. But at the same time I thought that what is preventing me is my weight, you know, my food behaviour, etc.. No, it was really my mindset that kind of associated with all of that. Right. And it's interesting, you know Michel, since I started with you and actually in the last couple of months how my life.

Varvara (00:12:55) - Has changed professionally because I. And I don't believe it's a coincidence, but I've been getting so many reviews at work from different, very, very high level leaders, very respected leaders about the work that I do and especially the project and like my work with my team in the last couple of months. And I definitely feel like. Because your program really helped me to embrace. My authenticity, you know, and in all the with all my flaws, potentially with all, but also with all my, you know, with all the greatness that I haven't me. Yeah.

Michelle (00:13:33) - All the strengths.

Varvara (00:13:34) - Yes. I feel like that's really showing at work. People really are feeling it. You know, it's it's fascinating.

Michelle (00:13:45) - That's awesome.

Varvara (00:13:46) - It's fascinating. Only until I understand how actually just logical it is, right? I feel like, you know, it's not a miracle. It's it's just work, right? And it's the right mindset.

Michelle (00:14:00) - Yeah, well, I think it's it's infectious. When you have your mind set in a certain place, it changes how you show up in life.

Michelle (00:14:08) - And and people can pick up on that, you know. And. The words that you say, the energy that you bring, the vibe. It's yeah, people notice that. And if you're confident in the strengths that you have and you're also accepting and have a growth mindset around the weaknesses that you have, instead of just like beating yourself up for them, being self-conscious about them, it can really put you in a more strong and like solid position in yourself. Which, yeah, like as you were saying, really impacts how people see you and, and the probably the work that you do too. I love that, I think you were talking about how, how hard it is really to be fully present in a situation and listen to people listen to your team, your partner, whoever it is. And when you've got like all of these swirling thoughts of food in your body and like the ping pong of like, what am I going to eat next? And when was the last time I ate? Should I eat now or whatever? And it's so real.

Michelle (00:15:15) - And it's one of those things that. I feel like a lot of times we don't notice how much it's really interfering with our ability to be fully present and engaged in things until we do the work to to remove that. So I'm curious if you've felt like. Wow. I didn't realize how much that was affecting things until now. Now that it's gone.

Varvara (00:15:42) - Absolutely. All of that realization came during this program, I think maybe. You know what a lot of the thoughts a lot of a lot of that I realized pretty early on, which I think was very unexpected for me. I didn't expect any breakthrough, you know, I didn't even think there could be a possibility for me to change, you know, my life. But, I think at the end of maybe month one or even beginning of month two, I already started realizing at least the behavior, my behavior around food. You know, my relationship with food, how I can change it and how change in it impacts. How I am in a community.

Varvara (00:16:28) - You know how I am as a person. and how I can really focus on others and other priorities in my life. and I think that was. Like eye opening pretty early on. but of course, after now four months with you, I just make all those connections. You know, Michelle, it's just. It's just crazy because I make all those connections about things that I thought were obstacles to my success connected to, you know, how I look or how much I weigh, or my food choices, etc. and then I'm realizing that it's all in my head, that it's all my mindset that was just limiting mindset, limiting beliefs and. It's all I can control this. but yes, absolutely. Eye opening. And it was during the program that I came to conclusions.

Michelle (00:17:20) - Yeah. Isn't that so freeing and like a relief to be like oh I can control that. You know like because even as you said, when you started, there was a sense of like, I don't really know if I can fully change.

Michelle (00:17:36) - Like, we'll see what happens, I guess. But but once you see how much the different thought patterns we have and behavior and how that impacts our behaviors, it can be. Well, for one, I think it can be kind of like a little bit. Oh, man. Really? Is this all my fault? It's not all your fault. Like, there's obviously environmental factors and social factors, but but it can also be so comforting to be like, you know what? I can do something about that. If it's something, if it has to do with me and how I'm seeing things and perceiving things and thinking about things, I can change that, which is actually really encouraging. And now as you you're giving a good example of it. You can see how that produces fruit when you really put an effort to change how you're perceiving things. And yeah, it's it's been awesome to see you grow through that.

Varvara (00:18:30) - And, you know, one thing that you mention is this, like emotion, like, oh, man, like frustration, you know, and you're realizing.

Varvara (00:18:38) - So this realization process, I think for me wasn't only about this great, discoveries and, and positive emotions like, oh my God, now I can manage my mindset. No, a lot of it. There was a lot of anger, you know, when I realized all the limiting beliefs and how they impacted my life or how I treated my body or how I treated myself, you know, the most important person in my life and how we treated myself. There was a lot of anger and a lot of frustration and a lot of really negative emotions. You know, anger at myself, anger at the industry, at the people who, you know, never said anything when I was on the journey of really, you know, reaching my thinnest and who probably knew that they, you know, it might not be healthy. so it wasn't all positive emotions, right? It's it's really, really positive for me in the end because now I it's just it's just a big relief, right, to, to be in the space.

Varvara (00:19:36) - But there's definitely kind of ebbs and flows right as you are on this journey. Yeah.

Michelle (00:19:41) - I think you bring up a really good point of like those different phases that you can reach in your journey, which is like kind of it's almost like, well, actually, our body image coach Danny, who's a licensed therapist, talks about how particularly in the concept or in the topic of body image, we can go through grief. And I think that that can also be true for. Your relationship with food, your mindset. Like we go through this stages of grief in order to get to a place where it's like, okay, I accept that that is a part of my story. I've felt all the feels, and I'm ready to move on and grow through this and learn through this. And then, of course, there's going to be like, grief is not linear. You can always go back into feeling angry again or sad again or needing to bargain again. And, you know, that's why I really it's important to me that you guys have a solid foundation on how to coach yourself through things, because there will be moments where you're like, oh, maybe I should go on a little crash diet.

Michelle (00:20:42) - That sounds kind of fun. And maybe you coach yourself through it and decide that really is the best thing for you, but probably not. And. Yeah. Do you feel like, okay, so when you started, there was like a frustration kind of realization of, oh my goodness, this is I'm angry at all these things that have led me to this place. What do you feel like was kind of the the next phase for you after that?

Varvara (00:21:09) - I feel like when I started, first of all, wasn't this like crazy motivation after like in the first I think two weeks I was so motivated. I'm like, let's go, I can, I feel liberated, like I'm listening to Michelle, I'm listening to all these women who are like me. I didn't know there were women like me. You know, I never talked to anyone about this, right? So that was super motivational. Then it was anger, sadness, frustration. At some point I realized I started gaining weight, right? Because of course, I'm eating differently.

Varvara (00:21:39) - I'm not fitting into my jeans. That was okay. My body image plummeted, you know, very tough moment. and I had. Very mixed emotions right with like being sad for gaining weight, but also at the same time knowing that I am feeling better overall, right? I like mentally I am in a better space. So that was a couple weeks I think. and then I think around month, maybe two and a half beginning of the third month, I entered this very fascinating stage where there's like this calmness, you know, where there is this noise about food stuff and people talking about calories at work or some of my girlfriends trying a new diet or, you know, all the Instagram, obviously recommendations. Obviously what I eat in a day, here are my abs, you know, etc.. and. Me just knowing that the thoughts come up about, oh, should I do it or. Oh my God, I'm not doing that. Am I missing out? But then there's this calmness.

Varvara (00:22:45) - Like I cannot be spending my energy on this. Not now. When I know that there's different life, you know there's different mental space. And I feel like this calmness that was very new feeling for me because overall I feel I'm very, you know, I'm a perfectionist. I'm a people pleaser. And I feel like it's I'm always in the state of a bit of anxiety. and so that calmness was a big discovery for me. You know, I still I still feel it like when I talk about when I think about, oh, I'm not fitting in my pants today, you know, because it's a different day. Or maybe it's, you know, different time in my cycle, but I can't be worrying about this. I can't really be dedicating headspace to this because it's not worth it. And that was. A completely different new stage of my whole life and my journey. And so yeah, yeah.

Michelle (00:23:40) - I love that. It's like a new way to cope with things and outlook, you know, and bring peace into a situation.

Michelle (00:23:49) - I know that there's going to be somebody listening to this, maybe multiple, that are like, oh man, she gained weight. I don't know, that sounds like the opposite of what I want, you know. So how? How would you describe? The weight gain for you. Like, was that necessary for you? Do you feel like that was a result of moving towards health or. Yeah, I don't know like give me your your thoughts on that.

Varvara (00:24:19) - first of all I don't know how much weight I gained because I haven't been weighing myself. I only weighed myself once out of necessity for certain activity, but I don't remember actually how much I weighed. I just know that, you know the sizes of pants that I have now. I have pants of different sizes just because I fluctuate, you know, in my weight. And so I think around week four, maybe I, I felt like, okay, I'm not fitting into my normal pants. It was a little bit frustrating. But then also I was like, okay, I should just change my pants, right? And I feel like the tools that you provide in Nurse and Free and also the ability for me to just, you know, tell you help, I cannot yeah, deal with my thoughts, you know, and you give me a way to cope with those feelings.

Varvara (00:25:05) - I feel like it really helped me, where I was like, okay, I'm just going to buy new pants, you know, and I'm going to hide the pants that are not fitting. And you know what is interesting? I realize that throughout different months and throughout different times, like I travel for work, I stay home, I go to birthdays, whatever it is, my pants fit differently, you know? So I realized and you obviously taught me that too, that it's absolutely normal for me to fluctuate, you know, in my weight and my size. And, I feel like I'm now at the space where I really I. I mean, I can't say I don't care about my weight for part of me cares about my weight or body size still, but I feel like it's more about how I'm feeling, right? Like I want to eat different food, like I'm actually craving, you know, like very nutritious, like salads or, you know, bowls or something like that. Because I know it makes me feel great.

Varvara (00:26:04) - Right? Yes. Like, you know, filled with with a lot of great stuff, like just. Yes, just the vitamins. Like, it makes me excited. and I feel like. Because I'm craving it. Because I want to be in this, feeling where I'm energetic. You know, I, I, I don't feel any uncomfortable bloating or whatever it is. I, my mind functions, I sleep well, like all of that. I can see how it improves my life. So now I feel like I changed from this perspective. Like, oh my God, I weigh more. Or maybe I'm at a bigger size to. How am I feeling? How am I actually feeling? And also, why are pants dictating some pants, you know, dictating how I'm going to be thinking and feeling today. You know, just change the pants, you know, and also wear a lot of dresses now because I'm like, can't be bothered with like, this, you know, feeling of being in pants.

Varvara (00:27:02) - So yeah, that's a big change. But I do want to say to anyone who is listening and thinking about, oh my God, I'm going to gain weight. It might happen. And it happened to me. And then I feel like I lost some weight. And then I feel like, you know, I gained a bit of weight again. So, yeah, I feel like my mental health and the improvement in my mental health is so worth it. Whatever pounds I gained.

Michelle (00:27:28) - Yeah, well, and it sounds like you just went through like some normal fluctuating and yeah, like you mentioned, there's different seasons of your life where or just different weeks, even depending on what stage in your cycle you're in or if you just had a trip and you ate more calories than you normally do on that trip, or maybe you moved less, or it was a combination of both like, yes, it's normal to have some weight go up, and then once you get back to your regular routine, it goes back down and vice versa.

Michelle (00:27:55) - So it's I think the take home message there is that it's normal for people to have changes in their body weight, but the reaction to that can be different. And and your reaction to it now is very healthy. And like you're able to notice that without it sending you into a spiral, you know, or like ruining your life, which I think is so important because that can lead us down a path of self-destruction and guilt and then binging because it's like, well, whatever, I'm already gaining anyway. I might as well just eat whatever. And yeah, it's it's cutting off the cycle before it really begins to just be like, you know what? This is normal and I know how to cope with this. I love that and I.

Varvara (00:28:47) - Feel like this is the biggest takeaway for me. From Nourished and Free. There's a journey ahead of me, right? I know it's like life is full of unexpected turns and events where, you know, it's might be less stressful, it might be more stressful.

Varvara (00:29:03) - But I have the tools. I know now that I have the tools to cope with any changes and to cope with any, you know, anything that comes up. And I don't think it's going to be, you know, how do you call smooth sailings like, oh my God, I'm 100% happy about my body. Whatever it is, I don't ever have thoughts about my body not being, you know, certain size. No, that's not true. And I know it's not going to be true throughout my life, but I have the tools to understand that those thoughts and emotions are coming up and redirect them or address them. And I feel like that's the biggest takeaway for me from that program, because I know that that's something very, very long term. Right? Those tools, I can use them whatever stage of my life I'm at. Yeah. And getting to them on my own, I cannot imagine myself doing it that fast. Not in four months, obviously. No.

Michelle (00:30:00) - Yeah. That is what I love about this process is it's like, okay, you want to not be feeling this way.

Michelle (00:30:06) - So let's do that right now. Let's not mess around and try a bunch of stuff out that may or may not work. Let's get right to the goods. Exactly. Thing figured out. I feel like it's.

Varvara (00:30:18) - Very empowering, you know, knowing that you control how you feel. You control how you think. Right? And, you you don't have to be responding to all this outside world noise and that. Yeah, I think that was a very big takeaway for me. Yeah. Just having those tools is a game changer. Really?

Michelle (00:30:43) - Yeah. Do you feel like there is anything that, like, surprised you about the program or experience?

Varvara (00:30:52) - I think the number one thing that surprised me was a revelation that I'm not the only one. And there are so many women, you know, of different backgrounds who experience absolutely the same emotions, the same thoughts. And I feel like the fact that I didn't talk about it to anyone, you know, I always thought that I'm the only one who has those problems.

Varvara (00:31:12) - And having a community of women who are all very open and very vulnerable. it was the biggest surprise to me because it I just gained so much from it, you know, just so much, so much confidence, so much, so much confidence that it's okay to struggle sometimes, you know, and actually, as a leader, I'm now thinking, you know what? At some point, like I need to be sharing more of that because even, you know, any person can be experiencing. Those emotions, those thoughts, you know, those struggles, and seeing that there are a lot of more women you know than you think there are who are in a similar situation. It's very encouraging. It's very rewarding, and it's very motivating. So that was a big, big surprise for me, something I didn't expect.

Michelle (00:32:05) - Yeah, it is crazy because, I mean, your relationship with food and with your body is typically not something that we want to talk about. And especially if we feel like it's not going well.

Michelle (00:32:17) - And even like you mentioned, feeling like you are living a double life. It's it's very easy to just hide that, continue to hide it like kind of clutch onto it and be like, I don't want people to know that. And so, I mean, just think about if that's how you're feeling. Imagine how many other people are feeling like, I don't want to talk about this. And and that's why we feel like we're alone is because nobody really wants to talk about this. So I absolutely love the the group component of this process because I get to see you guys realize, oh, I'm not the only one that feels this way or thinks this. And it doesn't matter what country you're from or your background or whatever. Like we can all be subject to feeling those same feelings and thinking those same thoughts and. We get to work through it together, you know? So I'm curious what now that you're kind of on the other side. I'm curious what advice you would give to somebody who has just started the process and they're like, all right, here we go.

Michelle (00:33:26) - What's something that you wish you would have heard from somebody else when you started? Some advice.

Varvara (00:33:32) - I think one advice that I would give is kind of embracing, the feeling of being uncomfortable, and that stepping out of the comfort zone is definitely rewarding. And that first step out of the comfort zone may not bring any positive results. And you'd be like, what? What's happening? No, but it's a bit of a test and learn. It's a bit of like gaining knowledge, like, don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone because that's how you're going to grow and that's how you're really going to make progress. And know that if you're uncomfortable, you're probably on the right path. You're probably on the path to progress. and I think another advice, you know, and you say that's very often, giving yourself grace. I feel like sometimes it's harder to, to do, you know, it's it's very easy.

Michelle (00:34:29) - Easy to say. Grace. Yeah.

Varvara (00:34:31) - Especially to another person who always said, come on, give yourself grace.

Varvara (00:34:34) - But yet to yourself. Zero grace. There is zero grace.

Michelle (00:34:39) - No grace to be found.

Varvara (00:34:42) - But it is important. Like, really try to give yourself grace. Just joining the program is such a big step already. Such a big step to the right direction and just give yourself grace. You know some weeks are different to others, and as long as you're making one step at a time, you're good, you're on a good path. You're going to get there. That's how it was I love that.

Michelle (00:35:03) - So yeah, yeah. And I love what you said about that discomfort being a good sign of growth to like, being uncomfortable. If you were comfortable going through this process, that would mean you were probably not learning anything. Nothing was changing. Like, I would be worried if you were like, yep, I feel great. No problems, no no struggles. And I think that's that's something that can be really scary going into this process because it's a very normal feeling to just not. Want to experience discomfort.

Michelle (00:35:36) - And, yeah, I like to tell people before they join if if they ever voice those things, like, I actually hope that things don't go the way that you expect or want them to while you're in this, because we get to grow through that and we get to learn through that. And you've never had this type of support system to figure out what went wrong and then work through it. And, and all of that is, of course, uncomfortable, you know, to speak up and be like, I binged or I had a bad body image day or whatever. Nobody wants to say that necessarily. But if you have that long term vision in mind of, well, I'm never going to get through this if I don't talk about it and I don't address it, then it's it's so incredibly worth it. So yeah, those are really good thoughts. What would you say to somebody that's considering doing this. They're like, this sounds scary, but I don't know, maybe I should do it.

Michelle (00:36:31) - Do you have any advice for them? Well the the.

Varvara (00:36:34) - Big advice is just do it. You know, I mean it's been a game changer for me. But, looking at it from the way I was looking at it when I was making a decision to join, you know, I'm a very pragmatic person. Like, I like data. I like, really seeing, you know, reviews, analyzing stuff. And I think for me, I really asked myself a couple of questions that really helped me decide, should I go for it or not? A can it be worse than it is today? And at that point of time, I was like, absolutely not, you know, definitely cannot be worse. But then could it? You know, what would I lose, really? nothing. You know, I mean, granted, it is a financial commitment, right? And there is also I also used, you know, very data driven approach to defining, like, why is it worth for me? Because, you know, the amount of money I was spending on Uber Eats and DoorDash and all the deliveries from my binges and plus the therapy, you know, it's like it's it is very costly and something that I don't want to, you know, I don't want to spend on Uber Eats binge habit ever again.

Varvara (00:37:41) - yeah. And so the other thing really for me is, was to understand, like, what is the peace of mind that actually have now, what is this peace of mind worth to you? Like this is four months really of work on yourself. It is going to be uncomfortable. But the end result, what you can achieve by stepping into this world is just worth so much more than any effort I've been, any effort, any resource I've put into being part of this program, you know, and the way you hold our hands, the way you held my hand through this journey, you know, it was really like it's it was just worth it. It was just I don't want to say it was easy to go through it, but it wasn't easy. Right. But, I feel like you made it as easy as it could have possibly been for me. So I would definitely say, you know, just just go for it. If you have an opportunity, you're going to gain so much.

Varvara (00:38:38) - It's been. You know, I'm Russian. We don't like big words. But I'm going to say that it has changed my life, you know? Really sorry. It's true. You know, we're very, like, directed in. These big words, but.

Varvara (00:38:51) - It has changed my life. You know, Michel, it has. And I'm. I just feel. Yeah, that it's it's been so, so worth it. Beyond worth.

Michelle (00:39:00) - So I love that. And, you know, I don't even feel like I've held your hand. I feel like you've put in so much effort. Like, really this was all you. You took the tools and you were like, okay, we're going to do this. We're going to do this thing. And even though it's uncomfortable and emotionally taxing at times, you did not give up. And I think exactly what you've shared is a wonderful mindset to have going into something like this is evaluating. Can I get any worse? You know, hopefully not.

Michelle (00:39:36) - And is it worth it to be uncomfortable for four months? You know, and maybe not even the whole four months, maybe just stages of the four months. But is it worth it to have that peace of mind back, to have your quality of life back, to not be, feeling like you're not fully present with people anymore. And it's it's something that you gotta decide for yourself. And if the answer is no, then, yeah, this is don't join, you know? This isn't probably the right move then. But if it's something that you really feel like it's impacting your quality of life, like I was talking about, I think it's it can be such a game changer. And I'm really grateful that we get to talk through this because it's it's been so fun to see your your progress. Actually, one of my favorite things was when you shared a video of scuba diving. You did like that little highlight reel and you were swimming with sharks. Like, what the heck? Who are you?

Varvara (00:40:38) - Yes. And you know, I, I never like I did scuba diving for a while and I never put together any videos. I think part of it was because I never had time for a lot of extracurricular activities, you know, and pursuing a lot of my passions because I was so obsessed with this next plan to lose weight or then, you know, all this all or nothing mentality, worrying about my body image. And here I was. I went on my dream scuba diving vacation. I was in my swimsuit for six days, you know, swimming with sharks, spending time on putting together all the footage, enjoying it so much and I don't even remember, like, having any negative thoughts about my body because I was so in the moment. I was so enjoying so much. And that's what this freedom is like. You know, that's what this mental freedom that I, I think I once had when I was young, you know, that's what it's like just being in the moment and enjoying the things that you love doing most.

Michelle (00:41:38) - That is exactly why I loved that video is because I knew that was that was important for you, that you were able to do something like that and really enjoy it. it was.

Varvara (00:41:49) - Amazing. Oh, there were so many breakthrough moments really so many great moments. You know, one of the moments was actually telling my boyfriend about being part of that program, and that just brought me so close.

Varvara (00:42:01) - To him. And then it just evolved into such a vulnerable conversation. And me realizing, you know, that men are also experiencing pressure.

Varvara (00:42:11) - Definitely a lot of pressure, right, with body image. And, and it was it was just filled with so many great moments that I, I don't remember as much all the discomforts that I had, you know, in like the tough moments. But what I do remember is those breakthrough moments where I realized, oh, gosh, that's how it feels to be free. That's what freedom feels like. Yeah. Bring it on.

Michelle (00:42:35) - Yeah. Do you feel like you're going to be able to maintain that going forward?

Varvara (00:42:40) - Absolutely.

Varvara (00:42:42) - Not only maintain but I feel like I'm going to multiply. You know, those feelings. Like I have all the tools and I know how to how to work them, you know. And I know that. I can also share with others. You know, I know that a lot of my girlfriends, you know, the more we talk, the more I realize it's much more common than I think it is. You know, the body image concerns thoughts and emotions and the relationship with food challenges. So yes, definitely. I'm very confident it's only upwards from here.

Michelle (00:43:13) - Good. Otherwise I would quit my job because why do I do this if you can't maintain it? Well thank you so much for sharing the. Is there anything else you wanted to share or things that you'd hoped I'd asked or anything?

Varvara (00:43:28) - No, not really. It was a great conversation. And I mean, it was great for months and I'm just so grateful that I found you. I don't know how Instagram algorithm works, but it worked for once.

Varvara (00:43:39) - It worked to change my life for the better. You know.

Michelle (00:43:44) - to send a thank you. I'm really, really great to see you.

Varvara (00:43:47)  - Yes, absolutely. I'm really grateful for everything you do and just, you know, thank you so much for investing in my happiness.

Michelle (00:43:55) - Really? Yeah. Oh, my gosh, it's been a pleasure. And I am so grateful for just the effort that you've put in to improve yourself. It makes it so easy for, for me to be a part of your journey when you want it. And you are like, all right, let's do this. You know, and you're willing to be uncomfortable. So, yeah, I mean, all of the growth you've had. It's all you. That was that was your effort that you put in there. And you're going to continue to see growth and progress. The more that you do that and continue that. So I'm proud of you. Thanks for sharing your story too.

Varvara (00:44:29) - Michelle Thank you.

Michelle (00:44:30) - Yes. If anybody is curious what it's like to be a part of Nutrition Free or how to join, check out the show notes.

Michelle (00:44:37) - I've got a link to go learn more about the program and submit a little application, and I'll chat with you and we'll see if it's a good fit. And hopefully you could be on the pod someday sharing a story just like me. Thank you so much. Bye.

Varvara (00:44:53) - Yay! Thank you. Thank you. Michelle.