Mother’s Day as a Stepmum: Feeling Invisible, Triggered or Left Out

Support, tools & coaching for stepmums: https://stepmumspace.com

Please note: This episode includes a range of real stories about Mother’s Day and may be sensitive for listeners who find this day triggering or painful.

Mother’s Day can stir up a lot for stepmums — grief, love, resentment, joy, invisibility, overwhelm, hope, or all of the above at once. In this special episode, Katie shares messages from listeners about what Mother’s Day means to them, in all its complexity.

You’ll hear stories from stepmums who:

• find Mother’s Day painful or excluding
• feel overlooked despite doing so much of the day-to-day care
• dread the emotional pressure and expectations
• love Mother’s Day and feel celebrated
• feel conflicted about wanting acknowledgment
• struggle with loyalty binds, awkward handovers or being misunderstood
• grieve for the family life they imagined
• find meaning, connection and joy in their role

This episode is a heartfelt, honest collection of voices — a reminder that however you feel on Mother’s Day, you’re not the only one.

The illustrator mentioned in the episode is @beckagriffin on Instagram — check out her beautiful work.

If You Need Support
Stepmum tools, workshops & coaching: https://stepmumspace.com

Book a free intro coaching call: https://stepmumspace.com/booking

Instagram: @stepmumspace

Keywords: stepmum Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day as a stepmum, stepmum support, feeling invisible as a stepmum, stepmum grief, stepmum resentment, blended family challenges, co-parenting stress, stepmum podcast, mothers day triggers, struggling stepmum, stepfamily dynamics

You deserve support, recognition and compassion — not just on Mother’s Day, but every day.

Ready for structured support?

If you’re living with anticipatory anxiety before contact, walking on eggshells at home, or constantly replaying conversations long after they’ve happened, Back in Control is my structured programme for stepmums navigating complex stepfamily dynamics.

It’s designed to help you move out of chronic vigilance and into steadiness inside your own home.

Learn more:
 www.stepmumspace.com/back-in-control

Transcript

Katie South 0:00

Hello, I'm Katie and this is Stepmum Space, the judgment free zone where each week we talk candidly about the fairy tales and scary tales of Stepmum Life. So whether you've been a Stepmum for years, you're just starting out, or you want to understand the Stepmum in your life a little bit better, this is the place for you. Now before I get into this special bonus episode, I wanted to give you guys a little bit of a warning that the conversation might be a bit triggering for some people around the topic of Mother's Day. So if you think this one isn't for you, then head back to the library and find another episode and we send all our love. So, Mother's Day. My god, it's loaded, isn't it? It's all about being perfect and getting everything right for our own mums, for us as mums or step mums, and for our partners at making sure they can get a blooming restaurant booking on the busiest day of the year. So, do we love it or loathe it, ladies? Well, I really, really wanted to open this conversation and get some of your views in around what Mother's Day means to you as stepmums, and perhaps mothers as well, um, as lots of us are. So I just really want to share a few points of view, and for those people who are listening to know that whatever you are going through around Mother's Day, your feelings are totally valid. You're not an awful person for how you feel, whatever that is. So, really interestingly, when I reached out to you guys on social media, there were quite a few women who kind of said, Hey, you know, I've got a stepmum. Um, so I'm gonna read out a few of the comments. This is Jenny. I've had a stepmum for two decades, and I don't acknowledge her for Mother's Day. I used to buy over the years, but recently she's distanced herself from my dad's children and grandchildren, and she doesn't even come with him to social gatherings, so I don't bother. What do we think of that then, ladies? It's a classic case of a stepmum maybe feeling unappreciated, but as Jenny says, the stepmum's maybe checked out, so perhaps um in that situation we can understand. Then Lucy says, I had a stepmum growing up and I'm really close with her, but our relationship wasn't and isn't really caregiver and daughter. As such, I've never acknowledged Mother's Day for her. I often wonder if I should have, but I was never encouraged as a child to do so. Gosh, that encouragement from either your stepchild's dad or their mum is clearly vital in how you are appreciated or not, as the case may be, for Mother's Day. This is a gorgeous one from Eleanor. I always call my stepmother for Mother's Day. She is an amazing mum. So not even classing her as a stepmum. And another one from Sophie. I always celebrate my stepmum on Mother's Day. She is as important as my mum in my life. So these are grown adults, and you know, guys, if you're having a difficult time with your stepkids at the moment, hopefully this serves as reassurance that things can change and they may well change. I've got another lovely one here from um Abby, who's actually a friend of mine. I always like to get my stepmum a card and a little something along with my mum and godmother. My stepmum's been in my life since I was quite young and has always been there for me and is now grandma to my babies. But can we please talk about the lack of stepmum cards in the shops? It frustrates me every year. Well, yes, Abby, you were not the only one who um raised that as a bit of an issue. There were quite a lot of people finding it hugely irritating. So Vicky says, one of the things that really bothers me is the lack of Mother's Day cards for stepmums. I know it's the same with cards for stepdads on Father's Day too, as I always struggle to find one for mine. At the weekend there was one stepmum card, yet a choice of about six or seven different cards from the cat or dog, which I just find ridiculous. Yeah, we certainly do seem to love our pets more than our stepmums, don't we? Um then Emma says, I totally agree with the lack of stepmother cards, but I do prefer the like a mum cards, to be honest, as they sound so much nicer. There should be more like a mum cards. So, card manufacturers, if you're listening, take note. Actually, really interestingly, there's a lady um who does do illustrations. I'll put her details in the show notes because she does some fantastic work who says she actually did some research about a stepmum day, and it seemed that step mums were keen on having this, but stepchildren would actually rather celebrate on Mother's Day. Um, she says there are a lot more cards out there than they used to be, but obviously the high street can be a bit slow to respond, so check out Etsy or Thoughtful for your own stepmums. So now I've got a message from Julie. Julie says, I am a stepmum now and I was a stepdaughter for 20 odd years. Growing up, my dad organised Mother's Day gifts for my stepmum. When we were teenagers, the duty was passed to us. Interesting that she says duty, isn't it? It didn't seem inappropriate because we were brought up with it, but then my mum found out and I knew it hurt her. To me, nobody could take my mum's place ever. But to her, this was my stepmum getting credit for a position that wasn't hers. I felt like I was put into a very difficult position. How could I stop my mum feeling hurt without hurting my stepmum? God, I can almost feel this child here, like with all this worry, got the weight they carry on their shoulders. Um she goes on to say, so I decided to continue to give my stepmum a card and gift, but make sure it noted her as my stepmum and not mum. I think this bothered my stepmum as she did pass comment, so I told her that I was giving her her place. She is my stepmum and that's her own special thing. My mum still didn't like that, but it was the best I could do. As a stepmum now, I would expect some sort of thank you from my partner on Mother's Day for everything I do if my stepson didn't do anything, which he does with his dad's help. It's nice for stepmums to be appreciated, but don't do it at the expense of the child's comfort. Yeah, really interesting one actually there. And I know there's a lot of people who wrote to me saying, actually, it's more about my partner being grateful for what I'm doing than my stepchild per se. So if you are a partner of a stepmum listening, get thee down to the florist and order something nice or get your partner's favourite toiletries, drinks, chocolates, whatever it might be, and show her that she is appreciated. That difficulty of sort of acknowledging your stepmum without offending your mum seems to be a theme which came up um as well quite a lot. I'll read one from Victoria here. I used to feel quite sad about it. My stepdaughter's lived with us full time since she was five, and she's twelve this summer. I do all the maternal stuff and more, and her mum, quite frankly, does the bare minimum. She sees her two hours every fortnight. She sometimes forgets the weekend or gets them mixed up and doesn't really contribute at all. My stepdaughter's been let down so many times by her, but her mum still has such a hold on her, such that if she is more herself, her mum will pull away. It's heartbreaking. In the earlier days, it kind of went by the wayside as my stepdaughter would see her mum, which was often fraught with challenges. We have now decided to celebrate stepmum day the following weekend. My stepdaughter's already acknowledged that she has lived with me for much longer than her mum, and we are very close. I never want to take Mother's Day away from my stepdaughter, but me being acknowledged on my own day kind of writes the balance in my book. That's something that also came up a lot, which was quite interesting. So, another note here, um, I think this is in America. So the first Sunday of May is bereaved Mother's Day, the second is Mother's Day, and the third is Stepmother's Day. So that's a lovely, lovely way of acknowledging kind of all the mothers there are because obviously, for those people who have lost a child on Mother's Day, it can be even more triggering for them. And anyone here who's listening in that boat, we send you all our love. Another message from Sarah saying it Mother's Day should be for mothers of any kind, even the single dads that raise their kids, in my opinion. God, I don't know how I feel about that. I think butt off men, you've got enough days of your own. I think uh we'll keep this one for us if you don't mind, Sarah. Um, a lovely message here from Jane saying, I don't really mind how it goes on Mother's Day. I treat the kids like mine when they're with me, but I'm not their mum, and I do think it's a unique role, and my role is slightly different as there are boundaries to what I get involved with. I did see a post somewhere which I thought was nice, which said getting your stepmums a thank you card on Mother's Day would be a lovely idea. I've got my own kids and I've got a strong bond with them, and I don't think I'd like them getting someone else a Mother's Day card. But as a stepmum and knowing how much we do for the kids, a thank you card is a good alternative. Quite a lot more messages actually on this theme around having a stepmum's day. So somebody says, I don't mind not being celebrated on Mother's Day by my stepkids, as I've got my own child for that. But a stepparent day would be nice, so everyone, including partners, can appreciate how much we do for our families as stepmums. Somebody else, Florence, is saying we have stepmum's day on the Sunday following Mother's Day. Somebody else says they do stepmum Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. And then I've got a lovely one here. I love this from Lara. I get a card, but we also celebrate the anniversary of the day we met and call it a friendversary. That's gorgeous. Um, and then on the other side, we've got Mary who says, Personally, I find the concept of having a different day insulting. If you treat your stepchild like your child and you are a recognised stepmum figure to them, then you share in Mother's Day. I celebrate Mother's Day with my biological and stepdaughter. I would personally be offended if a stepmum day was invented. I am a mother figure to both my daughters. Maybe it's different that I've got full custody and their bio mum doesn't really bother. Yeah, I mean, it's like we always talk about on the show, there's so many different ways to be a stepmum, and really the relationship that you have with the child can depend on a lot more than you and the child. It can also depend on the contact you have, the role of their mum in the situation, um, and how you're supported to be their stepmum. So if you are one of those step-mums who has their stepchild a lot of the time or more than the biological mum, you may identify with um some of these. So I've got Harriet here who says, actually, we celebrate me on Mother's Day for ages as it falls on our weekend. My stepson's mother doesn't request to have him on this day. For me, I'm a mum figure to him as I met him when he was nine months old and we bonded really well. I knew I was a mum to him when he was about two and hurt his head. He came running up to me and presented his head into my face. I was like, oh, and gave him a kiss and he ran off happy. I could kiss it better, and from that moment I knew I was a mum to him and he was my son. Oh, that's so beautiful, Harriet. Then we've got one here from Laura who says, I'm a mum and I'm celebrated as that on Mother's Day. I'm also a stepmum and we're making our plans for going to see my own mum and my partner's mum. We realised we had my stepson on Mother's Day again this year. So we asked his biological mum if she wanted him for the day or if we should include him in our plans. She replied that she had to see what her own mum was doing this day to find out if she wanted her own son or not. This angered me because she is constantly reminding me that I am not his mum, but I treat him as though I am when he's in my house, when I go shopping for my own kids, and when I see things for him. I already have his mum's gift sorted for Mother's Day, and I won't get so much as a call, text, or even a card for the role I play and all that I do. Yeah, it's so hard, isn't it? There's so many step mums out there who are the ones who actually make sure that the biological mum gets a card, a present, and a gift from the child. And I don't know why we do it. I mean, I'm guilty of doing that as well, and I know I should leave it to my partner. Um, but I think what it just comes down to is you don't want the kids feeling like they haven't got something to give to their mum. Um, we've got here Lucy says, if anything, I feel a bit guilty as I'm a biological mum and I have my stepson full time, but I'm very conscious that he should probably be spending that day with his birth mum, but it's a very complex relationship. Yeah, that's hard. Then we've got this lady, so this is Jennifer. I'm a mum and stepmum. I will only see one of my biological children on Mother's Day. One lives 300 miles away and one is ten and a half thousand miles away. Despite all the issues with my stepson, he regards me as his mum and calls me mum. He now has nothing to do with his biological mother. To be honest, my biggest issue on Mother's Day is my mother-in-law, who clearly thinks the day exists just for her. Gosh, we didn't even get going on mother's in-law, did we? We've got Pippa here who says, if my stepdaughter's with us on Mother's Day, she gets me a card, specifically stepmum or like a mum, etc., and a little prezi. If she's not with us, we celebrate it the week after. We've not always done it, but we have in the last few years that we've lived together and we've got that bond. Priority is always given to her mum, of course. We used to sort gifts for her mum, but it got to the point where we were sorting gifts for ourselves and her, so we've left it to biological mum's partner to sort now. Another one here. Gosh, it's so tough. I'm really bitter about Mother's Day this year. I have three stepkids and a birth daughter age too. I love having my stepkids here, and I never want them to not be here, except on Mother's Day, because I don't want to force them to celebrate me, but I do want to celebrate it with my daughter. I thought they'd want to be with their mum too, but she is out the night before and said no to having them, so we have them. This is fine, but they don't see me as a mum, so we won't do anything, and I won't get to be celebrated. Yeah, that's really difficult, isn't it? I remember my stepdaughters usually go to their mum's on Mother's Day, but there was a couple of times in the early years when um I think she had other plans and they were with us, and I just remember feeling so awful because I thought, God, they will be desperate to be with their own mum, and I felt like a bit of a fraud celebrating with my son, and worried that they would feel like forced to celebrate me and wish that they were with their mum, and there's just all the emotions are so complicated, aren't they? That whole feeling around different feelings towards your mum and your step mum clearly is just such a minefield. I've got one here from somebody called Sarah. She says, I feel differently about Mother's Day now that I've had my own babies. Previously it felt like a really emotional day for me, a bit of a reminder of the thankless job being a stepmum is. My partner always did his best to celebrate with me and the stepkids on a different day and made sure I got something from them, but it still felt quite sore when the day came around. Now I've got my own babies, the day is special for me. I feel in a better position to accept stepkids not being with us on Mother's Day and feel more able to enjoy the day we do celebrate and appreciate the cards and gifts from them. Yeah, it's it's so tough, isn't it? And especially for people who are desperate to have a better relationship with their stepkids, as so many women are, it can be really, really hard to have this day kind of plastered everywhere, reminding us what we should be, when sometimes that just isn't the case. I think for those people who don't have biological children but do have stepchildren, sometimes this can be even more acute. Not always, but in some cases. Um there's one here which is from Suzanne. She says, I've hated Mother's Day for the last few years. My stepson would always tell his dad what he was getting his mum for Mother's Day, and I did not come into the equation at all. I know I'm not his mum, but he will always get my his but he will always get his stepdad something for Father's Day, and it just stings a bit. However, now I've got my own son this year, and I can't wait for Mother's Day. Oh, we're wishing you a very happy first Mother's Day with your son. There's a lot of people out there who actually feel quite indifferent about it as well. Um this lady. Polly here says, I'm a mum and a stepmum. I don't mind not getting the acknowledgement from the stepkids as they have their mum to think about and they probably don't consider me a mum, just their dad's wife. It's interesting, isn't it? So much of how we feel about stuff is wrapped up in our expectations around it. And maybe for those people who are, you know, disappointed on Mother's Day, perhaps we should just lower our expectations and just say, hey, this is not going to be what I hope it will be, and make peace with it or communicate with our partners and tell them what we really need. So um here Casey says, I actively ensure that my stepdaughter is with her mum every year on Mother's Day. I'm not her mum, I'm her stepmum, and for me those roles are very different. Having said that, I'm not acknowledged for all the mum things I do, but parenting is a thankless task, so I accept it as much. There you go, there's one for lowering expectations, isn't it? I think a lot of us feel as well that actually our partners should be the ones thanking us because whilst it might be hard for the kids to do, we've done a lot for our partners' kids, and a thank you from our partners wouldn't go amiss. Jessica describes this here as for Mother's Day. I feel strongly I ought to be acknowledged. A card would be nice. So I think there's a lot of people probably feeling the same as Jessica here. We've got Isabel. Personally, I have a biological child and a stepchild. If my partner doesn't sign a card from both children on Mother's Day, I will be extremely upset as I think it's important. I feel appreciated for everything I do, not only for my own child but for my stepson too, as I didn't have to take on that extra responsibility, but I chose to. And that view was pretty common actually. Um, Liz sent me a message saying, if my partner doesn't acknowledge me on Mother's Day, I will be furious. I do so much for his children. They might be too young to buy me a card, but I fully expect to be acknowledged by him. So Liz's partner, if you're listening, you better get out there, mate. What's really interesting is that out of all the women who got in touch with me about this, there's only a couple who sort of said it didn't really matter to them at all. Um so Layla said, I just feel like it's another hallmark holiday. It's important to my mum, so we always make sure I celebrate it with her, but I don't want my stepkids feeling like they have to include me in any gifting scenario or make a big song and dance about it. I'd rather my husband just get me something from the dog. And whilst there's obviously some people who it doesn't mean that much to, there's actually a lot of people for Mother's Day who it's really, really difficult. So I know we have a lot of listeners who are stepmums to children whose mother has died, and just wanted to send a special shout out and lots of love to you because obviously Mother's Day is a really difficult time for these sorts of families. So um a lady who I've worked with a little bit before called Bella has written to me to say, Mother's Day has always been a little tricky in our house. My big three's mum has passed away, and in the grand scheme of things, fairly recently. So prior to me being pregnant, Mother's Day was really just about them. We didn't make any plans or anything, and we would just see how they felt on the day. Those few years there was no celebration or anything for me, which I completely understood, although, to be really honest, I didn't think a card would have gone amiss. I'd always done them for my stepparents, and I would have hoped that they, or at least my husband, would have done something for me. Now I've got a baby, my husband gets me something from the baby, and last year is my first Mother's Day with my baby Earthside. He made me a basket with some cakes, and we did these first thing in the morning as soon as the baby and I were awake, which meant it wasn't insensitive to my stepkids. So, like, lovely, lovely for you, Bella, that you get to be recognised, and you know, it just kind of shows the level of care and compassion that has to go into all of these occasions to make sure that you get recognised as you should be, but also that you're not kind of upsetting your stepkids. Really difficult. Another lady in a similar boat, Rachel, wrote to me, Mother's Day used to mean a chilled and relaxed day with my family. I never planned to have my own kids, so I'd long ago accepted that Mother's Day would never be about me, and I was okay with that. But since getting married and becoming a stepmum, it has just become weird and dictated by everyone else's expectations and needs. Each year I have to buy four cards: one for my mum, one for my husband's mum, one for his stepmum, and one for his late wife's mum. Whereas I used to get my mum a meaningful gift that I knew she'd like, we now just buy each mother figure flowers to make it equal and avoid offence. Insert eye roll here. The politics between my husband's mum and stepmum can get tricky, and his late wife's mum sees my stepdaughter as a representative of her daughter. I usually buy a Mother's Day grandmother card for my stepdaughter to give her to get around this. This is all on top of helping my stepdaughter navigate her own inattention and loss on this day. She desperately misses her mum yet acknowledges my role in her life. I have always made it clear that I'm not a replacement for her mum, and so there is no pressure from me to make this day in any way about me. If I'm really honest, Mother's Day has become a day I now wish would disappear from the calendar. What used to be a relaxed, stress-free day with my family has become one fraught with everyone else's emotions and expectations. But then again, it also feels like a fair representation of my life now. Oh, that really hit me. Rachel sending you loads and loads of love. While you're racing around doing everything for everyone else, please, please stop to give yourself a bit of compassion and a moment to just appreciate what you're doing. Not even because it's Mother's Day, but just because I can tell from your message that you are constantly thinking about others. So don't forget to pause and take a moment for yourself. That goes for anybody listening, really, who's been racing around arranging Mother's Day for ex-wives, mothers-in-law, their own mothers. You know, it's so important that you just give yourself a little break. Now, as always, when it comes to everything, stepmum, there are some really, really sad stories, and I am gonna share some of them because I think it's really important that we give airtime to this, and also because if you're feeling like this, hopefully you will realise that whilst it's not okay, you're not alone. This one comes from Becky. I feel unappreciated and ignored on Mother's Day. I've had my partner's kids in my life now for nine years, and because we aren't married, I apparently don't get the title stepmum. I have a good relationship with them all, but I always feel hurt to not be acknowledged. And I do get that it should all be about their mum, but I've done so much for them and it hurts to not even be thought of. I think we should have a day of our own. I love my three stepchildren, not because they are my biological kids and it comes naturally, but because I choose to, and I think that means a whole lot more. It's a similar story for Sam who says, I haven't ever been celebrated on Mother's Day, and this will be the sixth one I've been in the kids' lives. Previously got me a bit down, but I've got my own daughter now, so I will be celebrating with her and my mum this year. Sam, congratulations on your baby, and we hope you have an absolutely lovely day. This one from Amy. I'm celebrated by my own children, and my stepdaughter's name will be added to the card because that's the right thing, but she won't acknowledge me herself. Whether that's her choice or whether it's dictated to by her mother, we will never know. But in five years I've never been acknowledged by her herself. Oh god, that thing about what biological mums think about Mother's Day can really, really come into play, can't it? I'm gonna read you this one, which is from Erica. We have never been allowed to celebrate me on Mother's Day because it was made explicitly clear by their mum I was not allowed to be celebrated. Instead, the girls decided to celebrate me on Stepmum Day, which was always the weekend after Mother's Day. I didn't influence or choose this, but I think my husband did as he felt I should be celebrated just as much. Being a mum is a verb, it's a doing word, and I do all of the mum things, so I deserve to be celebrated just as much. In the first five years, my husband never ever mentioned Happy Mother's Day to me, and neither did the girls, and this was really hurtful. Reflecting on what previously said about mum being a verb, I felt very much during that time because I did not have a golden uterus and birthed a baby, I didn't deserve to be celebrated, so it felt like a very hard and sad period. It's a strange place of value that is uncomfortable and a bit upsetting for me now, and it's a little bit of a triggering day for me, so I have very mixed feelings on it. I think that pain when you have wanted to have a biological child of your own and you haven't been able to, or you haven't been able to yet, is probably one of the most difficult things. So um Laura says, I never hear from my stepchildren on Mother's Day. Today was supposed to be my first Mother's Day as a mother, but it won't be. So I think I'll just be staying home and trying not to think about it. Sending you loads and loads of love, Laura. So so so difficult for you. We're all thinking of you. Now, this one I'm gonna have to take a deep breath to read. I really think it's important to share these stories, but it's hard. So this lady Kirsty says, Mother's Day, this is the saddest day of the year for me. I'm not acknowledged as a stepmum for what is now a decade. I often bubble over with the grief of not having my own babies and I've got an arm's length relationship with my own mother. When I made a remark about a fellow stepmum receiving some flowers and appreciation, my husband replied with, Oh, is that a thing? This man loves and adores me, tells me, and shows me in so many ways, but when it comes to all I do in the role of stepmum, he doesn't see that he could have laid some appreciation seeds long ago. At least the years where I've sat and wrapped presents for my stepsons to give to their mum has passed, they were quite tough ones to deal with. Oh Kirsty, I can feel the emotion in that letter, and you know, just want to send lots of love to you and go gentle with yourself on this day. It's it's really difficult for so many people. And I guess I would say to all of you lovely ladies, if you can have a conversation with your partner about how this makes you feel, not in the moment, not on Mother's Day, but you know, maybe tonight, tomorrow, have a conversation with them about how you feel about Mother's Day, and perhaps give yourself something nice to do on Sunday, and so that you have a lovely day, whatever that might be doing. I've had so many messages from women who really, really want their partners to do something for them. Um, I've got this lovely lady Zoe here who says, My fiance is a truly amazing person. He's kind, patient, thoughtful, and truly a partner in allowing me to participate in bringing up my stepdaughter, who we have 50-50 with her mum. That being said, Mother's Day is always a sad day for me. It's not just the day itself, it's the fact I'm not allowed to go to nursery shows and events because I'm not a parent. I'm not allowed to go to the end-of-year family picnic because I'm not a parent, and it just occurs to me every year on Mother's Day that I never really will be a parent because despite my other half being really thoughtful, it never crosses his mind to celebrate me on this day. It really hits me hard when he's busy preparing something for his daughter to take to his ex but doesn't think of doing something for me. He does tell me I'm a great stepmum, so I don't know that I have the right to complain, but as a person I'm big on celebrating special days, so I would love to be celebrated or acknowledged. Nothing huge or in no way me taking the place of the real mum, maybe just a drawing and a kiss and a cuddle. Hopefully, when my stepdaughter gets older, she'll come up with that idea on her own, which perhaps would be better. It's interesting, isn't it? You know, the ages of the kids dictate so much, and even like getting a text message from a teenager who's thought of it themselves is quite meaningful, versus you know, your husband going and picking something for a younger child. It's just about that feeling of people saying actually you matter and what you do is important, and I think for so many of us that need to feel seen and you know recognised for what we're doing is so so important. So if nobody else doesn't recognise you this Mother's Day, then I do, and all the women listening to this podcast around the world will be reaching out mentally to all the other women in the same situation and creating our little waves of love and light throughout the sky to each other. I'm getting a bit hippie now, I know, but I just feel so passionate about this community we're creating, and you know, we all know how each other feels the good, the bad, the ups and the downs. And you know, it is a really mixed bag. We had a lot of women who wrote saying, Actually, I love Mother's Day, it's my special day to be celebrated. And if that's you, then I really, really hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day being acknowledged and celebrated for all that you are. And if you have your mum in your life, then celebrate her as well. Your mum or your stepmum or your godmother or an auntie who was like a mum, you know. There's a million different ways to be a mother, and it's not just by growing a child in your belly that you get to do that or you get to call yourself that. So I've got Jo who says, I just feel totally not acknowledged on Mother's Day. So sending you out a big hug, and we acknowledge you here at Stepmum's Base for all that you do. The last message I'm going to read is from Grace. She says, I feel mixed about Mother's Day. It's me who sorts presents and cards for my stepdaughters for their mum, which doesn't bother me really. It's no different to her birthday and Christmas, and it's me who sorts those two. I won't get anything for my stepdaughters, even though one lives with us 80% of the time and the other 50%, and I've been in their lives for seven years. It doesn't really bother me too much because ultimately I'm not their mum. However, I do think it would be nice to get some form of acknowledgement for everything I do for them and our family. Having said that, I'm here because I want to be and because I love them, not because I want or expect anything in return. This will be the third Mother's Day without my own mum here, and before she passed away, I'd just spend the day with her. Now she's not here, I usually spend it at the seaside, which was her happy place, and it's my happy place. Grace, thanks for that, and sending you loads and loads of love and thinking of you and your mum today. I guess that really sums it up, doesn't it? We never know what anyone's going through on Mother's Day. There are lots and lots of different emotions going around in our head and lots of complexities to juggle, both logistically and emotionally. So I'm just really, really hoping that wherever you spend Mother's Day, it's with somebody who loves you and somebody who you love. And we at Stepmum's Base are all sending you out massive solidarity and massive love. Look, thank you so much for all your messages. I hope you've enjoyed hearing them and I hope you've recognised your own story somewhere along the line. Please do get in touch with me, let me know what you think of this episode, and let me know how your Mother's Day has gone. That's all for our special bonus Mother's Day edition, sending you loads and loads of love, whatever you're going through. See you next time.