Stepmum After Breakup: Staying Connected to Stepchildren When the Relationship Ends

Support, tools & coaching for stepmums: https://stepmumspace.com

Content warning: This episode includes discussion of miscarriage, infertility and the emotional impact of not becoming a biological parent.

In this deeply moving conversation, Katie speaks with Jayne, a stepmum who has experienced stepfamily life not once, but twice — and whose story highlights a topic rarely discussed: what happens to your relationship with your stepchildren when the couple relationship ends?

Jayne was a dedicated stepmum for many years to two children who eventually became adults, and when her marriage broke down, her biggest fear wasn’t the separation itself — it was losing them.
 She shares openly how she worked to maintain those bonds, what helped, and how the relationship evolved over time.

Jayne also bravely talks about her journey of trying to become a biological mum, the heartbreak of miscarriage, and how those experiences intersected with her identity as a stepmum.

In this episode, Jayne and Katie explore:

• Being a stepmum for the second time
• How to maintain relationships with stepchildren after a breakup
• The grief of losing a stepfamily identity
• Miscarriage and infertility through the lens of stepmotherhood
• How stepmums carry complex, layered emotions that often go unseen
• What healing and reconnection can look like over time

This is a tender, compassionate conversation for anyone navigating loss, change or uncertainty in their stepfamily journey.

If You Need Support
Book a free intro coaching call: https://stepmumspace.com/booking

Find tools and resources: https://stepmumspace.com

Instagram: @stepmumspace

Keywords: stepmum after breakup, staying connected to stepchildren, miscarriage as a stepmum, infertility stepmum, second time stepmum, stepmum grief, struggling stepmum, blended family separation, stepmum emotional support, stepmum podcast

You’re not alone — and your experiences, in all their complexity, matter.

If you’ve been listening to this + recognising your own situation, but not seeing things change, this is exactly the kind of work I do inside my programme, Back in Control. It’s for stepmums who feel like they’re overthinking, adjusting, or walking on eggshells, and want things to feel calmer + more stable. The next round starts April 17th. More details in the link above, or DM me “CONTROL” on Instagram to talk it through.

Transcript

Katie South 0:01

Hello, I'm Katie, and this is Stepmum Space, where each episode we talk candidly about the fairy tales and scary tales of Stepmum life. So whether you've been a Stepmum for years, you're just starting out, or you want to understand the Stepmum in your life a little bit better, this is the place for you. Hello everybody, and welcome to Drumroll Series 5. I am so excited to be back sharing lots of news stories with you from fabulous stepmums and some other special guests this series. Thank you so much for all the messages of support over the last few weeks, and thank you to everybody who has taken the time to drop a rating or review on the podcast. It massively helps other women find us. So if you haven't already done so, I will be forever grateful if you could drop a rating or review wherever you listen. Now, my guest today is Jane. Jane is on her second stint of being a stepmum. Yes, brave lady. And she has two very different experiences of being a stepmum that she's gonna share today. Just a little note before we start that in this episode we do discuss miscarriage and Jane's emotions around not being able to become a biological mother herself. So if that's a topic which you would rather stay away from, then please head back to the catalogue and find another episode and we send you lots and lots of love. So let's hear more from Jane. So, Jane, thank you so much for joining me today. That's my pleasure.

Jayne 1:42

Thanks for having me on. How are you doing? I'm good, thank you. Yeah, I'm longing for the sunshine. It's absolutely pouring here, so I'm yeah, I'm longing for some sunshine. That's it, really.

Katie South 1:55

I know, it's so miserable, isn't it? We're going away with some friends um over Easter in the UK, and every time we go away with them, the weather is awful. Like we've been on August bank holidays, we've been, and I said to my friends, I bet this Easter's gonna be freezing, isn't it? Because we're all going away together, and um, it looks it looks that way. So I'm fed up of it as well.

Jayne 2:17

You'll have a good time anyway. Easter, yes, that's on the horizon. It's only a couple of weeks, isn't it? So yeah, I'm looking forward to that.

Katie South 2:25

So, Jane, look, thank you so much for getting in touch. I think um that you dropped me a note on Instagram, and I was really interested by your story. There's a couple of different elements to it, so why don't you start by sharing a little bit about kind of what brought you to get in touch with me?

Jayne 2:41

Yeah, I mean, I I found you on LinkedIn, I'm quite active on LinkedIn, and then um I and then I started to look at the stepmum space and listen to a few episodes and thought there was a few episodes that really hit home, and I thought, oh, I'm not such an evil cow by having these feelings. It was it just sort of you I think mums tend to talk together, but stepmums not so much, and um yeah, it just made me feel a little bit connected with the community. I was a step-mum to two children from 2007 to 2018. So I was married to their dad, obviously, for that length of time. Um, my stepdaughter was 11 when I met them, and my stepdaughter was eight. I was very worried about meeting them. I'm a stepdaughter myself, so I did not have the best relationship with my stepdad growing up. Although now that's you know, I think you'll if you can take away anything, it's I think when they grow when you grow up as a stepchild uh into an adult, then you really do realize that your stepparents have been a benefit to you. You know, I I my boyfriend's stepdad, we went to school together, me and my boyfriend, and we both didn't like our stepdads, and now we really do. So, you know, we think of them, and so yeah, that does change. So that's something, but yeah, so I was nervous going into it, but actually had a really lovely relationship with both my stepdaughter and my stepson. I wasn't I wasn't a mum when I met their dad. I was really did want to be a mum, but we tried for about five or six years, and it just every pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, so I was quite sad about that. But and and for a while, I think I resented being a stepmum because I felt I it wasn't like that, wasn't the like top layer of the emotion. The top layer of the emotion was it's not fair, why can't I be a mum? But I think I I think it led to me feeling quite down and and a bit down on you know the kids for a bit, but then I don't know what happened. I just had this thing one day and I thought, what are you doing? The these little people are here, you know, appreciate what you've got, sort of thing. So yeah, that just turned it around, and I've still got a lovely, lovely relationship with both of them now, and I've been split up from their dad for five years.

Katie South 5:18

Gosh. Um I'm really sorry to hear that you had to go through all of that miscarriage pain. It's something that you know, there's a lot of women I know who listen to the podcast who do go through that. So thank you for sharing and because it's not easy to do, and I think to go through it with stepchildren is also really difficult because you're still having to do kind of all those family activities, and like you say, you know, you're not the biological mum, and it can be really, really painful. I know there's a lot of women who've been in touch saying it would be lovely to hear more stories about women who have been through that. So I do appreciate you sharing the little bit that you have. And I wonder what happened to, you know, you said you woke up and had this realization of hang on, there are these two little people here. What sort of happened to trigger that?

Jayne 6:10

I I think I was just uh fed up of feeling so rubbish and thought that I can't do anything, you know, I I can't control what my body's doing. But what can I control? What is within my control? And what is within my control is to just enjoy the time when I'm not being stepmum, you know, by going on lots of holidays and lots of you know evenings out and stuff like that, go to see lots of bands, and then also give my all when when we have got them, because that's my that's my chance at motherhood, if you like. So yeah, it just I just got fed up with feeling sorry for myself.

Katie South 6:53

Yeah, and like understandable to feel in that position and that kind of out of control feeling of you know, I think we kind of grow up thinking, oh, if you work hard and you try hard at something, you can make it happen. And then when you can't either fall pregnant or when pregnancies don't result in you know, healthy babies at the end of it, it can be so hard to not kind of beat yourself up and blame yourself and all of that, and it's just awful. So to to be able to kind of turn that around and within yourself say, Well, hang on a minute, I can't control that, but I can control this is incredibly courageous of you.

Jayne 7:34

Thank you, but I I just think you I don't know, you just have it that's under your control, you can't control everything, you know, make it as best as you can. You're you're it's you know, you're in charge of your own life, really. Not every circumstance, but how how you react to it and what how much joy you squeeze out of it. Yeah, that's how it was. And I did spend a long time thinking, well, I just don't deserve to be a mum, then I just would be a psycho, you know, I'd just be weird, and you know, people would I'd be a terrible mum, and that's why, you know, there's all of that that goes through your head, but then you think, no, I'm not having that, I'm not like gonna take that, I'm gonna show you know my maternal side with with these two wonderful kids.

Katie South 8:22

So when you met your first husband, your stepchildren were 11 and 8, I think you said, and how was it kind of getting to know them and going through that?

Jayne 8:33

So um we waited eight months actually before I met them. So that was quite a while. It was really it was really cute, and um we went to the cinema actually, and I remember my stepdaughter was 11, and she had this massive smile on her face as she came towards me. And they both gave me a hug and then went in the cinema and I bought them sweets, and I was talking to my stepdaughter about her test her sat results she'd just got. That was on the Friday night, and then on the Saturday night I went back round because on the Friday night my stepson had been going on about this huge can of Heinz tomato soup that was only 67p. So I said, Oh, shall I bring one of those cans of soup round and shall we have that for lunch? And he was like, Yeah. So I did that, and then me and my ex-husband uh drove to meet his ex-wife um to drop the kids off, and they leant forward and gave me a hug and a kiss, and she was behind in the car, and that was the last time they gave me a kiss till they were really a lot older because I think they got back in the car and their mum was upset um by that. So, and they're very loyal to both their mum and their dad throughout the whole of the separation. They they both have been really loyal, so yeah. So, but that was fine because I knew it wasn't them per se. So I had lovely, you know, and then we gradually did things. So uh then we rented a house and they gradually came round one night and then another night, and then they wanted to come all the time. So yeah, it was it was it was a really nice sort of transition.

Katie South 10:11

And and what was it like with them mum? Because you mentioned that they, you know, the last time they gave you a hug and a kiss was the first time they gave you a hug and a kiss for some time.

Jayne 10:20

So I think she was actually at first she was okay about me meeting their dad. Um, and then I think it it I've got pair I've got friends that are parents that have had step parents. I've listened to the mum on your podcast. I know you're a mum and a stepmum, and you you know, so so I understand that now we're looking back on it, she obviously was very scared and apprehensive about another woman being spending time with her kids, you know. And so for about two years it was quite difficult. Um, so she'd phone my ex-husband up having a drama with my stepdaughter because she was a teenager, and that's just what teenage girls do. They play their mum up, don't they, or their dad up. That's just what they do. Um, but I I think she had some sort of regret. But then she met someone, and then, like I've heard so many other people say, then she met someone and everything was she was really happy then, and everything was fine with her. It was okay. But I think by then my stepkids were in the, you know, in that sort of routine where they they didn't really um do the hugs and kisses, um, only on birthdays and Christmas, you know. I got so much from them anyway, it didn't have to be um in that form of affection. I got a lot more from them, just from being with them and good conversations and fun and playing games and stuff, going on holiday with them, so it didn't matter to me so much.

Katie South 11:54

And I can see, I mean, obviously people will be listening to this conversation, but I'm looking at you, which is lovely, and I can kind of just see like that warmth and the smile when you come to talk to them. So you obviously had a really close relationship with them, they brought you a lot of joy, I guess. And they still do I was worried about this. And those emotions just come. We can take a break if you want. No, I'll be alright. Just right, sorry, as you were saying. Don't worry. Um no, we were just talking about how you know they've they've obviously brought a lot to your life. Yes, they have, yeah, and they still do. And so you mentioned that you're no longer married to their dad. Do you mind me asking what happened there?

Jayne 13:03

No, so in early 2018, we'd had it wasn't great over Christmas, and I thought something was wrong, and I had shingles, I got shingles, didn't know what it was, and then got diagnosed in the new year. We'd tried to talk about it, but he didn't want to talk about it. Anyway, one Friday night I said, Right, should we have a chat then? And he sat down and just said, I don't think our marriage is working anymore. And I felt relief and said, Oh, neither do I. So we basically split up. Uh as it turned out, he had uh met someone else. The only thing that broke me was thinking about what would happen with my stepdaughter and stepson.

Katie South 13:46

And I guess at that time, what they must have been 22 and 19. Yeah, okay. I did my maths before the session. So your husband says he thinks the marriage is over, you feel relief, which is interesting actually, because a lot of a lot of people I've spoken to through kind of personal relationships and other work have said relief is the number one emotion they've felt when and I think you know, if you're in a marriage that you know isn't healthy, you know, we always feel like oh, we need to stay, we need to work on it, we need to, and you can spend years of your life, and then almost that relief when it's like I don't have to do that anymore, is amazing.

Jayne 14:26

Yeah, it it really was and I that's right. I mean, it it wasn't working, and um it I would never have left. I you know, I thank my lucky stars to this day that he met this other person because I I wouldn't have never have left because I just thought I'm married. If anything's wrong with the marriage, it's probably me. So I better try and fix it. And so, you know, I I would never have I would never have left. And thank God it was that way around as well, because what it allowed was for my stepdaughter and stepson to not feel any animosity towards me. If it was me that had left, then they might have felt animosity towards me. So in a way, it was the like the most perfect beginning of our new relationship and the end of my relationship with their dad.

Katie South 15:16

I guess because they were adults then it made it easier to carry on their relationship. So you said you were kind of worried about how they would take it and how the relationship would pan out. And it's interesting because I hear from a lot of women who will say if they don't have a baby with their partner, and they worry about them and their partner splitting up in the future and losing touch with these children that they've invested so much time in. And it is like a really understandable concern. So talk us through kind of how the separation landed with your stepkids and where your relationship went from there.

Jayne 15:51

So my ex-husband was super private and had to do everything like in his own time. So I I I couldn't I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't contact them. I went away for a weekend a couple of weeks later, and and he told me he was going to tell them that weekend. And then I left it another two weeks because I wanted them to just settle with it, and then I sent them a text message one Friday night after half a bottle of wine. Not the greatest thing to do, but anyway, it was. And they both messaged me back lovely messages. My stepson said I act I cried when dad told me, I don't know if he told you. Of course, he wouldn't have told me. I then arranged to see them, like so. I arranged to see um my stepdaughter first. Uh, I think my stepson was quite upset. And when I saw her and I met her, and I said, Look, you know, I'm I know what's happening, I know why me and your dad split up, I'm I'm absolutely fine with it. My big concern is you and your brother. She said, He'll be so relieved that you're okay. He's been really worried about you. So that was sweet. Then two days later, that I saw them both together, and by then they'd met this other woman. I mean, this was like four weeks after we'd broken up.

Katie South 17:05

And you were married for over a decade. Yeah.

Jayne 17:08

Well, we were married for yeah, almost a decade. We were together for like 12 years, and it was like six months off our 10-year and through all their formative years and everything. And he, yeah, that's a that's a whole other story, Katie. And I don't want to spend this time talking about that. But um, so yeah, they basically since then we've just made it work. Like I don't see them on Christmas Day or Boxing Day, but I will see them around Christmas time and we will exchange gifts and we will do something nice. We always make time around each other's birthdays, even if it's two or three weeks after the event to celebrate the birthday. Me and my stepdaughter share everything, like we're totally open with each other. Yeah, it's just it's better than I could ever have ever have imagined because I'm me again, I'm back to me as well. So I can buy them what I like, or not that I, you know, not reckless like that, but I can I can treat them how I want to treat them instead of standing behind their dad and doing what their dad says, I can do what I want to do with them. So I feel more authentic actually, and they still call me their stepmum.

Katie South 18:18

That's really nice. I think it'd be such a relief to so many people to to hear that, and I think gorgeous that your stepson was worried about you. And probably for them, they probably, you know, they may have had thoughts in their head of, well, is she still going to be interested in being with us if she's not married to our dad anymore?

Jayne 18:37

My stepdaughter said to me, her dad said, once Jane's moved on, she, you know, you'll lose contact with her. And I said, I'm really sorry, but I won't because you're the closest thing to children that I've got, and you mean the world to me. So no. And they both said to me, you know, you'll always be our stepmum. So yeah, it's nice. It's it's I feel so lucky, yeah. So lucky. They're such fun and they're so together, and yeah, I love it.

Katie South 19:53

And you've got to take some credit for that because, like you say, you were around a lot in their formative years, and obviously, to for them to want to keep in touch with you. I mean, there's there's quite a few biological kids who don't keep in touch with their biological parents that much as adults. So testament to all the work that you put in for sure.

Jayne 20:11

Yeah, you know, I when I've been thinking about talking to you today, you know, then things come up, you know, when you get frustrated, like a normal mum, like a real biological mum, I should say, not normal, like a biological mum. You know, my friend today's been saying she's having trouble with her kids, and then I've just thought, yeah, there were issues, and there were times where I don't know what I remember, I don't even if my step daughter ever listens to this, I don't know if she'll ever remember, but my grandma gave me some lovely white towels, and I couldn't find this white towel. And I went hunting and I went in my stepdaughter's wardrobe, and it was like she'd headed her hair, and it was all over this bloody towel. Oh god. And I remember going swearing and going for heaven's sake, pulling it out of the wardrobe. She wasn't there, she was with her mum. And then, you know, it washed, it all came about in the wash. But you know, you still have those moments. There were still those rows where my stepson was horrible to his sister, and then I would jump in, and they would, you know, there's still crappy times, aren't there, when it's not all great. But I think it's testament to you know our resilience that we'd we maintain a lovely relationship. Yeah.

Katie South 21:23

Yeah. And they, you know, all families have crappy times. I remember talking when we were in a really tricky time in our family, and talking to a friend of mine and just really, really, really finding it difficult. And she's like, That's just family. Like, you know, don't get confused between what's a family thing and what's a step thing, but all the complexities come because you feel disempowered to handle it in the way that you might do if it were a biological child. And that it can be really confronting to have somebody say to you, that that's not a step issue, that's a family issue, but it is actually quite liberating as well at the same time.

Jayne 22:01

Yeah, honestly, that's I feel like that myself at the moment as well, which I won't go into, but I've I've got a similar situation right here, and I just think you just the generations, you just it is normal lack of communication that that it's really hard. I think I'm a really good communicator, like, but when it comes to communicating with a teenager, it's so hard, and they don't want to hear it, and they've got different priorities, and they should have different priorities than a 50-year-old woman, you know. But it's so difficult, isn't it? When you yeah, it doesn't matter if if you're biological or non-biological, it it the issues are the same.

Katie South 22:43

So, Jane's amazing to hear that you've been able to maintain that relationship and you can do that independent of anything to do with your ex-husband. So you mentioned you've moved on and you're in a new relationship now. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Jayne 22:59

Yeah, so I met my current partner, re met him at a school reunion in 2018. And we were childhood girlfriend and boyfriend, first loves and everything, from from like 14 to 17, and then we split up, then we met at the reunion, and uh both our marriages were broken and just started seeing each other again.

Katie South 23:27

That's such a sweet story, and you know what? It's so funny because I was speaking to a lady last week, I think he had the same situation, um, childhood sweethearts, and then and and you know, we always say to our teenagers, oh, this isn't gonna be the love of your life, you know, you have to, but sometimes it does end up like that. That's so gorgeous. So you obviously had your two stepchildren that you got brought into that relationship. And did he have kids?

Jayne 23:52

Yeah, he's got three kids, so he's got two daughters and a son, and the son is 17 now, he was 13, but his youngest daughter was 15, and his oldest daughter was uh 19 when we first got together. They and they all lived with their mum, but his son and his dad were really always close, always doing everything together. His mum kicked him out when he was 13, so he went to live with his dad.

Katie South 24:23

And was that before you had met him or just as you met him?

Jayne 24:26

No, I didn't meet him until he was living with his dad, I don't think.

Katie South 24:30

No. Oh, so at the time when you guys got together, there was two daughters living with mum. Son had just got been kicked out of his mum's home. I guess there must be a bit of a backstory to that.

Jayne 24:46

Well, I mean he played her up. He just played her up. He's he's a spirited boy, yeah. He rubbed his mum up the wrong way. Um, and she couldn't deal with it. She she um she kicked him out and he didn't speak to her for quite a few months then. He was only, you know, say he was only 13. You know, he was okay at home. Um about six months later, he just like all kids didn't want to play football anymore, didn't want to do cricket anymore, just wanted to hang out with his mates and they all they all did. They all left at the same time, and then they all started being lads and affecting schoolwork, really. So yeah. Became quite difficult for his dad to manage.

Katie South 25:38

And then at what point did you move in?

Jayne 25:41

So they used to come and see me. So I had my own house and they would come and see me some weekends, and I had a cat who had got run over when I moved out of my marital home into the new house. And so she had a bad leg, she couldn't go out anywhere. And one Christmas they they came up oh, just after Christmas, we had a Christmas to do with my stepchildren, and then on the next day they were going back, and I was like, Well, I can't come because I can't because I can't take my cat. And then my boyfriend's son said, Well, why don't you move in with us? Wow. So that made me cry, as you can see. You know, I cry quite I'm a crier. Yeah. He um said to his dad on the way home, why didn't Jane cry? And he said, Because she's happy that he said that. So yeah, it was it was all sort of fine for uh six months or something. You know, very different. Like my new partner is so the complete opposite of my ex-husband. Complete opposite, therefore, it you know, there's gonna be different ways of bringing up your kids. You know, then things got quite difficult where uh he was really playing off at school. Obviously, he was affected, you know, there was lots going on in his head, and he was uh hormones, parents break up, obviously the effect of being thrown out by his mum would have made him feel quite insecure. But it was really hard. Then we went into lockdown, and then he went and moved back in with his mum in the May of 2020. Just didn't tell us, just went. Yeah, and then my boyfriend's ex-wife said, you know, he's come back to live with me, didn't want to upset you. And my boyfriend was like, Well, no, that's fine, whatever makes him happy, I want him to be happy, sort of thing. And then a year and two months later, she kicked him out again.

Katie South 27:27

We never want to apply judgment. But I'm interested in what the behaviour was that then made her kick him out for a second time.

Jayne 27:39

I think it's similar behaviour, it's a behavior that no one can seem to control not control him, but get through to him to make him see sense sometimes. And I think he's difficult he's difficult, he's a difficult character. Teenage rubbish, and if you can't deal with it as a parent, then you know what do you do?

Katie South 28:12

And it's true, you know, we we do say that uh on this show that you often get quite ineffective parents, male and female, you know, not every parent is created equally, and that can be to do with a whole host of things. So, okay, so he comes to you, and he's by this point, what around 16? He just turned 16. And you've had kind of a couple of years of living with your partner in with couples cohabiting, reunited after all these years, probably quite blissful. And then suddenly teenager living with you. What what happened?

Jayne 28:51

Well, I was I'd started a job, but I was working from home then, so I was a bit stressed because I needed somewhere to work and I was working in the the only spare bedroom, which then became his bedroom. So it was so it was okay, we we made it work, but so much has happened, Katie, and I don't know if I really want to go into all of the detail because it Yeah, he he's just gone back to being quite difficult, and you can't talk any sense into him, and he knows best. And I go to into my office in the morning and then he'll he'll wait till I've gone in my office, and then he'll go out and get some food, then he he will just avoid me at every single opportunity. So it's like I'm I've got a friend who said that's just what teenagers are like. But it's horrible living in that w like that with someone when I sort of have good relationships with everybody in my life. But I d with him, I'm fail I feel like I'm failing. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And so I'm always going on at my other half, going, Well, you need to say this and you need to say that, because he just says nothing. And hence why we are now seeking guidance from a counsellor to help us because it's just really hard. And I you know, there's times when I've thought I can't do this, I need to move out. I I literally need to move out. And he's like, I can't do anything about it, Jane. He's my son and his mum's kicked him out. I don't ever want to do that, but it's just it's just not a nice family warm atmosphere.

Katie South 30:36

And that's hard, especially after coming from such a good relationship with your stepchildren. Yeah.

Jayne 30:48

I think we just need to keep seeing the counsellor and I need to again, do you know what? I need to do what I did all those years ago when I couldn't be a mum. I need to control what I can control. You know? And that's my what I'm doing for a living, building my business, you know, making sure my relationship with my boyfriend is good, making sure my relationship with all the other offspring in my life is is good. That's all I can do, and just I need to get to the point with a counselor where I trust in what my partner's gonna do with to deal with his son, and then I just need to sort of step away from that. At the moment, that's all I can do because I can't control his attitude or what he does. And I d you shouldn't have to control anyone, but yeah, he's I need to control my own emotions towards it. That's all I can do right now.

Katie South 31:48

It's so much easier said than done.

Jayne 31:51

Because yeah, I mean, I don't feel like I'm there at all, but uh yeah, that's all I can do. Like I said earlier, remember what I was like, um, remember how I felt towards my stepdad. And just I guess draw the line. Just all I need to do is make sure that I am not being taken the piss out of, excuse my French, I'm not gonna be taking the Mickey out of, but I'm I'm giving him a stable home, which you know 17-year-old needs. That's all I can do the practical things, I don't have to give the emotional things in this in this relationship in my life, you know. I give r I give emotion in all my relationships in my life, and this one is just one that I don't seek to get anything in return, I just do the basics, clean his clothes, make sure there's food in the house. You know, that that's it, I think.

Katie South 32:47

Yeah, and that all makes sense, and not seeking anything in return is absolutely fine, but it's when you get, and I hear it from a lot of the women that I work with, it's when you get those like negatives coming back on you. So you're not sort of seeking anything, but you feel on edge, like you know, you you're in a situation where you feel like he's not gonna come in the room and say, Oh morning, Jane, do you want a cupper? He's gonna wait until you're out of the room before he comes and makes you breakfast, and that kind of treading on eggshells in your own home is sadly really common, it shouldn't be, but it's not good, like it can be so detrimental to have that.

Jayne 33:28

Yeah.

Katie South 33:28

And are you finding that you're getting the support from your partner?

Jayne 33:34

Yeah, it's really tricky. We're working through supporting each other in the counselling. That's that's what's happening at the moment. We're getting a deeper understanding of how each other's head works, and we're it's work in progress, Katie.

Katie South 33:49

Yeah. Well, look, thank you so much for talking to me today, and I know we've covered a lot of quite tricky topics in a really short amount of time, so I really, really appreciate your openness and honesty. And I know there'll be a lot of people listening who will as well, so thank you so much, Jane.

Jayne 34:05

Thank you for having me on.

Katie South 34:08

Oh, I hope you enjoyed that one. I have to say, Jane is a brave woman for facing into what she's going through in the way she is. It can be so, so hard for stepmums to sit back and keep quiet when we think our partner's parenting could do with a little um improvement, let's say. I really wish Jane all the luck in the world. Now, there was a lot of chat in that episode as well around getting back in control of your feelings and in control of your situation. Feeling out of control is one of the things that comes up time and time again, which is why it's one of the key topics that we cover in the Stepmum Space workshop. And it is a real game changer when you master how to do it. So some sessions have sold out, but there is still limited availability. So if you're interested in booking or finding out more, then head to www.stepmumspace.com slash workshops. I'm not going to be running any more until after the summer holidays, so this is your last chance to get yourself booked on. I'm gonna be back next week with another new episode, but in the meantime, if you want to find out more, head to www.stepmumspace.com or connect on the socials at stepmum space. And of course, if you've got a story to share, please do get in touch. I would love to hear from you.