Your Body, Your Rules: Battling Fat-Phobia and Exploring The Kinky F's

Are you ready for an empowering and entertaining conversation exploring the world of body positivity and self-love? Join your favorite hosts, Crystal and Merf, as we discuss the crucial work of the National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) in advocating for fat people's rights, particularly in the medical field. We also tackle the pressing issues of fat-phobia, discrimination in the workplace, and the power of holding people accountable for their fat-phobic comments and actions.

In this episode, we also dive into the impact of Twitter's new blue checkmark policy on marginalized communities and the questionable motives behind Metta's association with it. But don't worry, we keep things light with a hilarious take on how people in San Jose are reacting to Elon Musk. Additionally, we explore the fascinating worlds of hair, plus-size fashion, and fetishes. From H&M's recent move to offer clothing in size 3X and 4X online but not in stores to the psychology behind fetishism and the prospect of creating an OnlyFans account for foot and penis evaluations, we've got it all covered!

Lastly, let's talk about self-care and body image. We share some valuable strategies for managing negative body image thoughts, and we even review the We-Vibe Nova sex toy! As always, we're here to keep you connected with Big Sexy Chat and our upcoming events. You won't want to miss this engaging, empowering, and downright entertaining episode. So, sit back, relax, and let's dive into another incredible episode of Big Sexy Chat!

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat. I'm Crystal. I'm Murph. We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat. Twice a month. We'll be chatting about current events, hot topics, sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community, cannabis, cbd you name it. We're going to talk about it. We are very excited to have you a part of our community. Welcome and enjoy. Hey, welcome to Big Sexy Chat. So happy to have you. I'm Crystal.

Speaker 2: 0:32

Hi, i'm Murph, Hey Murph, hi Crystal, it's been a while since we've been just the two of us chatting. It has been a while.

Speaker 1: 0:41

Yeah, I know We need to do this more often, but man, there's so many great guests.

Speaker 2: 0:46

I know When you get the opportunity and they're like yeah, i've got time, it's like fit them in as quickly as possible because you don't want to miss that guest, absolutely Like Tigris, which he and Tegan talk a lot more in depth about Nafa and what they're up to.

Speaker 1: 1:01

But let's start with that topic, because they were both in New York City. For those of you who don't know, nafa is a National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance. We've got it right Nafaorg N-A-A-F-Aorg. Tigris will be proud of me. I always have to look it up, but I love what they do. They've been around for like 52 years and Tigris has been their chair for about I don't know one and a half to two years. Anyway, they're doing cool stuff. Some of you might not know this, but in San Francisco and a few other places Michigan, the whole state fat people are protected class, no one else. So hence us getting treated like shit. That's what they're up to. Right, right, merck?

Speaker 2: 1:42

As far as you know, they're trying to get more legislative past throughout the country They are and they had a very large event in New York City and they were able to speak to the state legislator and share experiences and just talk about how this impacts the entire community. I believe that they also heard from individuals who are tattooed as body discrimination as well, in like the workforce and that sort of thing. So they're really trying to be inclusive and also recognize you know, this is something that hundreds of thousands of people deal with is the discrimination and there's no accountability when it happens And they are fighting to make sure that changes.

Speaker 1: 2:28

Yeah, so you get in Tigris. We're both there in New York City and I saw our friend Substancia from the Adipositivity Project was also there.

Speaker 2: 2:37

Yeah, she is a New Yorker through, and so I knew she would be out there with her hands up in the air saying let's go.

Speaker 1: 2:44

Fellow shit-disturber, tigris and Tigris and you can see all that Obviously. You know things that happen because of internalized fat phobia or medical fat phobia people don't get their surgeries that they need. But you know what? if you want weight loss surgery, come on in, but if you need a new knee, you're screwed. You lose 100 pounds first, or whatever they say, and I think that's the kind of thing that they want to squash. I mean all of it. But for sure we know that when it comes to medical situations, it's really bad For fat people and if you're brown or black and fat or trans and fat, you're just so screwed.

Speaker 2: 3:23

Exactly. Yeah, you're going to face a much harsher reality than most And I really love that. That's what we're trying to fix. You know, it's like you hear so many individuals who are like, oh well, they don't allow you to discriminate against this or that or whatever. And it's like, yeah, but Susan can still talk about her diet in front of me at work and tell me you know her cues or ideas of my body and what I should do with it, and I can't go to HR and say, hey, that's not cool.

Speaker 1: 3:52

Yeah, because HR people don't understand either.

Speaker 2: 3:55

I mean you can say it, but they're just going to be like there's no course of action. Just tell Susan you don't like talking like that.

Speaker 1: 4:01

That's it. Yeah, there's no. Yeah, because we're not protected right now. You know a lot of times when I've read some newer studies about why you should give a fat person a new knee if they need it now, not 50 pounds from now. Because, guess what, when you are mobile and you're not in pain, you're moving and you're having a lot of injuries. For people who don't like fat people, you think they want us to have our surgeries quicker, because you know what happens We don't get our surgeries. We sedentary, we can't move, we can't walk, we can't get fresh air And we are going to get fatter, dumb shits.

Speaker 1: 4:40

You know that's what you don't like is us to be fat, so let us have our fucking surgeries.

Speaker 2: 4:45

Exactly Now. I've faced so many issues with that, you know and it's just, it's ridiculous and it's something that has to be addressed and has to be held accountable. You know, when individuals say something like that or do something like that in the medical field, they need to be held accountable.

Speaker 1: 5:03

It's so ridiculous and it keeps people from care We need to do a lot more about on our show about medical fat phobia, but one of the things that I've learned from other activists is making sure that when you are in a doctor's office and you're getting treated like shit and they're telling you stupid shit that you know is not going to work because there's 100 years of data that shows diets do not work, As Reagan always says, you should ask them oh, could you please document that in my file? Could you write down how you're going to turn me down for this surgery? Go ahead and document that, because you really want to document your that. You're a certain you know O word, or they want to document your weight. But go ahead and document all those things that you're turning me down for. Please put that in my file too.

Speaker 2: 5:45

Yeah, Oh, absolutely. The more that you're able to put their feet to the fire, the quicker the behavior is going to change.

Speaker 1: 5:54

Exactly So. We all have to do it. We'll have to. I know it's not for everybody And you know I feel fortunate. I know you wrote the same way that I found my voice, but we got to try to normalize this and make sure that we're letting, we're holding doctors and PAs and nurses accountable. How sad is it that we have to tell people bring a person, another person, with you when you go to a doctor's appointment, because then they're less likely to bully you. Right, it's bullshit. We have to tell people that.

Speaker 2: 6:20

Yeah, I know It's so frustrating that this is still a common thing when they know and they have this information to show that it impacts that people negatively. That's why I'm looking forward to any kind of legislative action that NAFSA can move forward for our entire community.

Speaker 1: 6:39

Absolutely Big news. That's very exciting. So another topic that you brought up to me today and I didn't realize this but Twitter is requiring the blue checkmark, or they're not. your tweets are not going to be shown in the feed, or not as many of them.

Speaker 2: 6:56

Yeah, so Elon has specifically put himself to be embedded in everyone's FYP. That's what I call it, but it's that's on Tiktok, but it's on your feed, right? So he gets to be in everybody's feed and he decided that to make Twitter get rid of the bots. That's his big thing, right? Is the fake bots that now to be seen in a feed, they will be charging for the blue checkmark And if you don't have a blue checkmark, you will not be seen on a feed unless that person has saved your account in one of the lists. So it really impacts our page because we have been able to engage with a lot of new people and get our information out there about the podcast and just have different guests that we've been able to reach out to on Twitter. This is going to impact us.

Speaker 1: 7:51

Big sexy chat pod is our Twitter handle. Put us in your feed. That would be great if you can. I don't know, do you choose us to be a favorite? Is that how it works on Twitter?

Speaker 2: 8:02

I think you create a list, so you would list of podcasts or list of fat babes, or something like that A list of sex workers. Sex workers.

Speaker 1: 8:11

Whatever kind of sex work they do, they get a lot of traffic from Twitter and a lot of them rely on their Twitter feed. So you know, of course, like all things, that always affects the most marginalized groups, right? So the sex workers are going to. It's going to be a problem. I'll go buy a freaking blue checkmark, probably. What is he charging? Is he charging for that bullshit?

Speaker 2: 8:37

I don't know. I've heard people say $20, but I don't know if that's a month or what. But while we're talking, i'll try to look it up and see if I can find it.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Elon is desperate, He's hurting, He needs some more income. Apparently I don't even like saying his name. When I heard you say his name, I was like ugh.

Speaker 2: 8:56

It's $8 a month, so $84 a year.

Speaker 1: 9:02

Oh Lord, that's crazy. I mean, if you're going to do it, you know, come on.

Speaker 2: 9:06

Right, well, and the New York Times put out a tweet and said we will not pay for the blue checkmark, and it was removed.

Speaker 1: 9:15

So they already verified, because they're verifying their brand right, and now even the one that they didn't pay for, they don't get to keep that one, nope.

Speaker 2: 9:25

So anybody who had a blue checkmark. You have to now pay for that blue checkmark or you will not be keeping it.

Speaker 1: 9:35

I keep wondering what's going to happen to it, because I had the blue checkmark on Facebook and my personal Facebook for a long time I don't know 10 years. I used to have all my business pages. I got them verified too, but they took that ability away. But now you know Metta is looking for people to pay for the blue checkmark. So I wonder what about people like me who've had it for 10 years? Are they going to charge me, take it away Whatever?

Speaker 2: 10:01

Yeah, I think it's all a money grab.

Speaker 2: 10:03

You know, it's just how do we charge and then how do we put content. I mean, i opened my Twitter feed the other day and the first thing that popped up was Elon Musk and then something from a really conservative congressman, and it was like I don't follow this person and there was no like, retweet or you know. So he's just putting whomever you want in your feed, and so I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to tolerate using it, to tell you the truth, and especially if people that aren't on that blue check are gone Like no, no, thanks.

Speaker 1: 10:41

I know I've said this before on our show, but I love that bumper sticker that people around here in San Jose are putting on their Teslas. I bought this before I smelled Elon's Musk.

Speaker 2: 10:54

That's fantastic Murph. Why don't we think of that Right?

Speaker 1: 10:58

He was right there, hanging out there for all of us and this wow People, some people are so clever that way. But yeah, if Elon, if Mark Zuckerberg as well, they're both just creepy, yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:09

You know, you compare them to like the CEO of TikTok and it's like they're not even close to being the same type of people. Like it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1: 11:19

I was just thinking about Mark's baby bangs, yes, but also I want to say I love your hair. It looks beautiful. It doesn't mean you aren't watching us on YouTube or just listening to us. I think, murph, you have mermaid hair.

Speaker 2: 11:32

Thank you. Yes, it feels very much like mermaid hair Beautiful. I did some braids the other day and I was like, oh wow, my hair is getting so long. It's like down almost to my butt, Is it really?

Speaker 1: 11:44

Yeah, you know, my day job is working with hair, removing hair, and when I went to an electrology college or trade school, it turns out that not everybody can grow long hair. And then, yeah, every single one of your follicles has that little road map of what it's going to do and how long it can grow. Sometimes people will be trying to grow their hair out really long and it kind of stops. That's just how it's already programmed in your follicles to grow to 12 inches or 18 inches or, like Crystal Gale, down to her ankles. But not everybody can do that, no matter how long you try.

Speaker 2: 12:18

That's wild. I always thought that my hair was like stumped, you know, and then, all of a sudden, i just gave it a ton of time and now it's, yeah, it's down, it covers over my nipples, it goes down to like my stomach.

Speaker 1: 12:30

Yeah, that is mermaid hair. If your nipples are covered, that's mermaid hair. Wow, just wanted to share a little hair trivia with everybody tonight, just because you're not a mermaid.

Speaker 2: 12:40

It's good I have no idea.

Speaker 1: 12:41

You never know when you might need it, if you're going to go on Jeopardy.

Speaker 2: 12:44

Yeah, absolutely So. Did you hear that H&M has some hired test holiday as their plus size brand ambassador type person and they're going to be offering their clothing some of their clothing in a size 3X and 4X now, but only online?

Speaker 1: 13:05

Okay, so the first part of that sentence already. I'm already a moment because I'm not a huge fan of tests, only because of interactions I have with her in person several times, and so I'm already like a H&M bite me. I'm pretty sure their 4X is not going to fit me. I have a fun feeling. I don't know what they mean by 4X, but also, fuck you, Why can't I buy it at their store? What's the deal?

Speaker 2: 13:33

Yeah, did they say Oh no, i think it's. You know, they're going to give some bullshit response if they do. But I mean, they don't want fatties walking into their stores looking for clothes.

Speaker 1: 13:46

This sounds so familiar. I hear about this thing before. Oh yeah, abercrombie and Fitch, when they had, they didn't want fat people shopping at the store because they were not cool. And then the militant baker like, oh she, yeah, well, maybe he did that as well. Who, old Navy? Oh, i know FM too. Yep, they didn't have it. Then they had it and then they took it away. And they took it away again. Yep. Those of you who can't see me, i'm flipping off the camera right now.

Speaker 2: 14:12

Forever 21,. Same thing, yeah, so I don't. When I saw this, she's like she's on Instagram holding like a cake, you know, and it says, like H&M is hot or something like I don't know, it's something you do with Paris Elton, i don't. Honestly, i don't give a fuck. So I just like this is stupid. I'm just going to keep going, but I looked at a news article to see what it was really about, and it's that she is now their like brand ambassador for three to four X.

Speaker 1: 14:43

So if she can fit their three to four X, and maybe they are making it larger than what I was imagining, i don't know. I mean, who knows? you know you do photo shoots. there's a lot of magic happening. I've done them before, where they're like the clothes don't fit but there's like this much space in the back on there just holding together with the clips. They make it work.

Speaker 1: 15:05

Yeah, i hope it's true that they really need a four X, but also we should have a. we should have what's her name? from Smart Glamour, I can't believe. I can't remember the name right now, but she's the one that talks about why it's bullshit, why brands can't go up to like 10 X and beyond, because they try to say it costs more because of material. But then it's like then why don't you charge the smaller people who are X, x, s? Why don't you charge them less, you know? Or how about? just don't do any of that and just amortize it across the whole spectrum and then average it and then charge us all that. So you're going to make a lot on one end and a little on another end, maybe not a lot in the middle, but it's going to work out according to her Mallory, mallory Penn.

Speaker 2: 15:51

Yeah, well, and the majority of women that are purchasing these clothes. They're, on average, a size 18. That's the now the average in the United States. So it's like you already have a bigger person, but you're not representing the bigger person. And now it's like I get the feeling like it's like well, yeah, we want to be inclusive, but only online, and that's yeah fuck that And that's on it, for X is not inclusive.

Speaker 1: 16:21

I'm sorry.

Speaker 2: 16:22

No, it's not, But they all start shouting that it is. You know like we want to be. We want to offer diversity in our sizing, and blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 16:30

Yeah, they want to jump on the bandwagon and try to get our dollar.

Speaker 2: 16:33

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 16:35

I'm not doing it. No, i'm not giving it up. Sorry, h&m, not that I've ever shopped there. I've never shopped there, because why would I have ever shopped there?

Speaker 2: 16:44

Yeah, i've never walked in the one, just for the idea. Look, it seems like the exact same type of store that you know in Amber Crownby is. So it's just like no thanks, i'm not going to find anything of use in here, maybe socks and earrings, that's it.

Speaker 1: 16:59

Oh, my go to Right. Since I was in junior high and we were shopping at Contempo Casuals and Benetton, i like it. Some socks.

Speaker 2: 17:07

Yeah, i don't know how many hours I spent in wet seal just looking at earrings while my friends tried on clothes Like oh, yeah, so many of those days, yeah Boy, yeah, here do we.

Speaker 1: 17:22

Are we going to cover our hot topic tonight, or how do you say it? Hot topics?

Speaker 2: 17:28

Yes we are. We have a hot one, right. Yeah, We're talking triple F. I like that. We're talking fetishes. We're going with feet, furries and feeding, Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 17:44

Did you do? you know anybody who's been in a feeding relationship?

Speaker 2: 17:49

Yes, Yeah, currently monetizing. So not in the feeding relationship, but it's you know it's meant for you. Know it's meant for you. Know it's meant for you. Know it's meant for you web content. It's not meant as like their personal relationship. Their personal relationship is just a standard relationship. One of the friends that I have utilizes gaining as a way to make money on her site, so it's not like they're participating that in their real life, but they do that on camera So they make money from it. But I know that there are definitely feeding relationships that are full on romantic relationships.

Speaker 1: 18:31

So I don't know a lot about FEDERISM. I just know there's a website called FEDIE and that people and I have some friends that have met partners through either remote or in person through those kinds of websites, but I don't know. are they just, are they eating the food on the camera, or are they just holding the food around the food? Are they squashing, which is like smashing the food? How does that work? Have you watched it?

Speaker 2: 18:57

Yeah, i've seen some of it. A lot of it is like not forced feeding, but like enticing you to eat, kind of. You know like look what I got you And you know, oh, don't you want this. And like having them smell it and then you know them feeling eager to want to eat it and you know like holding it for them. So you don't always see the guy or the. You know that you'll see like the hand or the arm kind of thing. Sometimes you'll see the guy, but usually it's. It's meant to be the focus on whomever is being the feedee.

Speaker 1: 19:33

It's wild.

Speaker 2: 19:35

Yeah, and it's something that is really it's really kind of picking up steam in our community, like it's something that is regularly. I think it's one of the things that we run into the most when being fetishized. Is that that sense of like I want to make you know like super, super chubby? And I think you know, with any kind of fetish you have to look at the downside, and there's definitely you're definitely concerned when it comes to feeding because first of all, you know the just the calorie intake and all that kind of stuff. Like if you're doing that regularly and you're not, you know, moving around or anything like that, you're running into some stuff that you don't want to run into. But then you're dealing with a romantic relationship. You have to wonder how much of that is really a genuine relationship and not just part of that fetish.

Speaker 1: 20:36

I know I've told the story before about when I dated the person who was only into fat women And at first it was really fascinating. I felt really empowered. I'm like, yes, you know, starfish lights on, you know, in the middle of the afternoon and just he was appreciating all of my body like so intensely. But it didn't take me long to be like, okay, this is weird. And even though it's interesting feeling to be loved for my body, he was also like Ew, if this wasn't my body, he may not be into me anymore. And so I got out and for a variety of reasons, but it was, it's not, it wasn't my thing, but I was wondering, i guess in feteurism, is it sexual? Are there sexual things?

Speaker 2: 21:21

Well, yeah, usually the side of that, you see, is like the guys getting turned on by by quote unquote, forcing the person to eat the food. I say the guy, i don't know, there's probably women that do it too. I know there is, but you know it, most commonly, almost all fetishes are most commonly associated with men. So penis havers, yeah, i think that the feeding relationship is, it becomes detrimental because it's not about the person, it's about that person's body And, as we all know, bodies change and bodies, you know, have the ability to start saying no, you know, and I start, you know, changing around. So if that's the only thing that you appreciate about the person, then you're not going to really be able to advance the relationship, because that person is only interested in your body.

Speaker 1: 22:18

Yeah, it's very, very specific, right, very honed in on to one thing And, like I always say now about my fat body, i'm so much more than my body. And the same thing with this person who had this fetish. you know, i'm more than just my fat body. There's mostly, i think, i'm about what's going on between my ears and not the size of my body, but that's all he was into. I have a friend, that's, yeah, she's. she was in several of those kinds of relationships but I never asked her a lot about it just because I didn't want her to. I mean, i don't care, people can do whatever they want to do. Like I was saying before in one of our other interviews, if you leave kids and animals out of it, get down, have fun. It's cool with me, right, as long as nobody's gonna hear it. raise consent, team. there's no kids around, so I don't judge, i just like interest you. I want to ask a million questions, but then I don't want to offend her. Right, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 23:12

Well, and I think part of that too is the just the ickiness of the feeling that somebody is only liking you for one thing.

Speaker 1: 23:22

Yeah, it's strange feeling, yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:26

There's no depth to it, but at the same time it almost feels very controlling.

Speaker 1: 23:30

It feels very controlling to me. Yeah, look, domestic violence kind of thing. Yeah, it's cool, yeah, very controlling. I think that I wouldn't mind someone who had a foot fetish though, because I don't know about you, because sometimes my dogs are barking. Oh, all the time The girls have, our feet are sore and tender.

Speaker 2: 23:52

Yeah. Well, another thing that is so common with feet and feet stuff is crushing Oh right, yeah On, or, like you know, manipulating genitals with your toes. You know lots of pressing and pushing and stomping. So there's yeah, there's a lot that kind of goes into a foot fetish.

Speaker 1: 24:18

We interviewed Mistress J about her clients that love to do foot worshiping.

Speaker 2: 24:22

Exactly. Oh yeah, foot worshiping sounds amazing, Feel free to worship my feet anytime you want to.

Speaker 1: 24:30

I mean, let me get a pedicure first, but please worship my damn feet. She has clients. Mistress J's a friend of ours, one of my best friends, and she interviewed her just for who'd never listened before We interviewed her. She's a professional dog here in the Bay Area and she has clients that will pay her for three hours where all they do is worship her feet. Now she does.

Speaker 1: 24:53

Sometimes you get people can't see me, but I'm using my fingers to act like toes And then sometimes she's putting their penis between her toes and they're doing stuff. Yeah, i'm like wow, but mostly her clients like to lick and suck her feet And she's even told me before that her feet and toes get wrinkly, like if you were in a swimming pool all day. Yeah, Too much moisture, that's right, that's why I was alive. You have to say moist. You know we can't say moist. People don't like that word anymore. Yeah, a lot of moisture, a lot of looking. And she says that these people they maintain an erection the whole time. Wow, that's how it turned out. They're like two hours, three hours, yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:34

And my thing is there's so much psychology behind fetishism of any sort And so I just want to sit with those folks and just be like let's talk about where this started from And where you know what. What about it makes you have a sexual arousal response. You know like there has to have been some something. You know something, and so most some people can answer that problem, that question, no problem. But some people really don't know where their fetish comes from And that you know it can be very stigmatizing too for them, because it's something that they want to share better to concern to. You know, bring it up because they're afraid they're going to be judged by their partner.

Speaker 1: 26:17

A lot of times. That's why people use a professional dom is they want to do things. Either they know their partner's not into it and said no, or they assume their partner's going to not like it and say no. Just too bad, because I think it would be awesome if you could always just check in first, you know, because you know if you're in love with somebody you might be willing to try some things like letting somebody worship your feet. But also there shouldn't be pressure on you to do something you don't want to do. I've never ever suggest that. You know, but I don't know. It's tricky. But that's why I always think, because they oh, you'd be a great dog, crystal, you'd be a great dog. No, i wouldn't, because I want to interview them for an hour or two. So how did this happen? You can't do that. It's not your business. When you're a pro dom, you're just there to give them their fantasy. You don't have to analyze them.

Speaker 2: 27:03

But I want to analyze them Right me too.

Speaker 1: 27:06

Well, you're a therapist, so you can analyze them. I can't. I'm not a therapist.

Speaker 2: 27:11

I know I should offer some sort of like. only fans where I you know, psychologically get to their root of their fetishism Could be, a big market out there, seriously.

Speaker 2: 27:23

Well, i was talking to my husband and he has only fans you know things so that he can follow different people. I said to him these women are like I'll rate your penis. Just send me a picture of your penis. They have so many people do that. That's like a. Send me 20 bucks and I'll give you a you know a five minute description of your cock. Like shut up, you swear to God. I was like I could start a foot and penis evaluation account and never show my face and just. And I was like I could do that. And he was like you wouldn't get anybody. And I was like you don't know how many people are into just those things. Like I'm sure I could do it.

Speaker 1: 28:08

I mean, do people send dick pics because there is a fetish for them? I mean, i know you've gotten a million dick pics in your life Cause you know that's how the world works. It's almost like I rape, right? Nobody asked for it, i didn't consent to it And then, by the way, you can't unsee that. But yeah, wow, that's fascinating. We need to look more into this. We need to get somebody on who can talk about reading penises. I wonder how they rate the water. What's the scale?

Speaker 2: 28:37

Right, Like, and each person has different, you know for sure. Like, yeah, like. Some of them will be like, okay, we'll turn in this and I'll, you know, give you like a description, like kind of sexy, or I'll just flat out rate it on a scale from one to 10.

Speaker 1: 28:52

Like, yeah, it depends on your aesthetic. Which kind of pieces do you like, Right? No wonder if anybody's doing that for Volvos.

Speaker 2: 29:00

I don't know. Yeah, that's exactly the question that I'm like. I need more friends on only things.

Speaker 1: 29:06

I know right, yeah. The only fans is so fantastic. I love it. I love it It's done for the marketplace, you know, for the people, you know, i think, especially since the pandemic, people are looking for other ways to make money And that's why this kind of stuff is becoming more and more popular, because nobody, nobody, wants to go to an office and work 60 hours and get paid for 40, you know, we're not doing that anymore, we're doing it bullshit.

Speaker 2: 29:32

No, not when there's this kind of access and the ability to you know turn profit. I follow a bunch of sex workers that are just on, only fans And they make so much money And they're just average people, like they're just like average people, no big thing. But then they're like Oh hey look, i just bought a brand new boat. I was on, only fans And I'm like, yeah, yeah we're gonna get on only fans.

Speaker 2: 30:02

Wild. So the last furries? that's an only fans thing. Yeah, that's a. it's becoming pretty popular. cosplay in general is becoming popular, But furries, you'll see, the difference with furries, from what I understand, is that they kind of create their own character. So it's not like I would see, you know, like the fluffy version of I don't know grumpy cat or something. And I'm going to be grumpy cat, you know, it has to be like somebody that hasn't been created And you kind of create your own persona as the furry. And so these are individuals who like to dress in costume as a creature of some sort and are sexually aroused by that and prefer to wear the costume while they have sex.

Speaker 1: 30:53

You know there's a furry convention here in San Jose every year. Yeah, And it's really popular?

Speaker 2: 31:00

I have not been, but I have heard that, yeah, people come from all over.

Speaker 1: 31:05

It's really interesting because when you go near the hotels where they're staying, they're all out at the restaurants and stuff doing their thing, most of the time in their full costume. Sometimes that involves like a thing that goes over their head like a mascot would have in, yeah. And then it's often at the same time as, like these volleyball tournaments for high school women, so they almost always happen at the same time where there's like some overlap and like the high school kids are just like blown away and the parents or the chaperones. It's just a weird mix, you know, but our furries always sexual.

Speaker 2: 31:41

No, I don't believe so. I think it's more of having the costume and the persona. is the sexuality part of it? But from what I understand in that community, it's kind of liberating too, because they don't have to show their true self to have sex and to so you could be anybody size, you could be anybody type you could. you know, it's not about the human in the costume, It's about the character that is performing, whatever the sexual activity is.

Speaker 1: 32:13

So when I had my boutique, we would have people that would come in just with a tail. Is that? now? I know there's butt plugs that have a tail And then there's also just tails that you would like clip on or put on your pants or underwear. Is that different?

Speaker 2: 32:29

I think it's different. I don't think it's as it's. That's more like cosplay.

Speaker 1: 32:34

Okay.

Speaker 2: 32:34

I'm just dressing up and having fun or being frisky and flirty kind of thing, but furries usually it's like the full ensemble. I remember an entourage.

Speaker 1: 32:44

Did you ever watch that show? Oh yeah, What was his name, the character I don't remember Johnny, Johnny drama. Johnny drama Yeah, victory. He had sex with another person. He wore his full on furry costume. That's just like 10 years ago, right.

Speaker 2: 33:04

Yeah that was like it really started to get noticed was it was starting to show up in TV shows and like people were talking about the conventions that they were having. I think there was like a CSI Las Vegas something. there was a furry convention or something, yeah. so it was like all around that same time And, yeah, because people were like how do you know?

Speaker 1: 33:25

like you don't, because you don't see the person so you can have sex with or you never know that you have sex with Right.

Speaker 2: 33:32

That sounds exciting, yeah well, and you don't see. you don't ever see them, supposedly consent. condoms, hell yeah not how liberating for somebody that maybe you know too much in their head, like we were talking about last episode of just like too much in their head and just can't get out of it and need to, you know, want to hide or maybe not accepting their body as it's and just one or maybe they have something on their body that they don't like.

Speaker 1: 34:00

You know, maybe a birthmark, or you know how people get those port wine? what, if it is important, the moles, or you know, and talk on their face. We call it aeration. Yeah, it must be difficult. You know, if you could be in a costume, right, feel very free. I just never thought of that Murph. It's interesting, yeah.

Speaker 2: 34:18

Yeah, well, and I think it's really, you know, something that I would love to know if there's a lot of people from the plus size community participating because of that, you know, because of the ability to be in costume and not have to, you know, have any kind of judgment Maybe if you get rejected, you don't feel like you're getting rejected because of your you and your skin, but you're getting rejected because that person's on into your character for you.

Speaker 2: 34:43

Right, i like tigers. I don't like foxes, you know, like whatever That's wild. So yeah, triple Fs.

Speaker 1: 34:53

I have a Facebook friend that makes butt plugs with the tails, and she makes crystal butt plugs And do you know them? crystal delight, yeah, yeah. So then she has the ones with the beaut and then the tails that are attached to them are just beautiful and gorgeous and I definitely understand why you might want to have a butt plug, but I, just for me, having the tail there's, it doesn't do anything for me, yeah, cool. If it does something for you, we should have her on. She's really just some cool products, right? Yeah, that'd be fun. Temperature play with the glass Oh yeah. And there are people are always nervous about last time. They can be dropped from, like you know two stories and they don't have pyrrhex. So yeah, they're not gonna break. But yeah, i don't know. We should ask about around the fat community, about it furries I mean, those are my fetish, but, like I said, i'm happy to do with some of this Anytime.

Speaker 2: 35:51

Right, yeah, i'd have no problem with that. out of the three, that would be my top choice Yeah. I always love it, especially somebody's gonna sit there and worship my feet and rub that for hours go for it Yeah for sure, for sure. Hey, we got mail. Oh yeah, what did I say? Email, So yeah, email. So somebody wrote into sexy and big sexy.

Speaker 1: 36:15

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2: 36:16

Okay, and they wanted to know how do you challenge your diet, talk in your head And then with people around you, like your friends.

Speaker 1: 36:28

I'm gonna start with my friends. So they know me now, they know not talk about their diets, but they're, all you know, so conditioned And so occasionally I'll have to say something like what do you mean by the person's fit, you know? or yeah, what does that mean exactly? Or people in my friend's group who say, oh, i have to go to the gym because I had too much, or whatever. Like, oh, okay, can you just you have to say that out loud. I mean, why is this a performance of some kind? Who are you doing it for? I don't care, i don't care what you eat, i don't care what you work out Or don't. I don't why. And they get the point Like you're right. Also, you're yucking my yum, i want to have this. You very yummy chocolate brownie covered in frosting And I don't want to ever go. Oh, we're gonna be bad today. You gotta go to the gym now. Just want to eat it with enjoyment and just shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2: 37:26

Right, yeah, i've gotten to really push on my friends like, just like you said, you know, asking like, clarifying questions if they say something that sounds a little like, or I'll say like, oh, that sounds a little body shaming, you know. or that's food shaming, or you know, whatever it is. I try to be pretty blunt but be nice, you know, if I can. And then if it's somebody that I just absolutely can't stand, it's a different story.

Speaker 2: 37:55

But I think when I talk about like the diet, talk in my head like it's a lot of trying to recondition the part of me that has heard over and over again, whatever that negative thing is.

Speaker 2: 38:09

So if I'm like, oh, i just really want, you know, a huge, like you said, a huge brownie with frosting on it or whatever, and then my brain starts saying, you know, like that's not good, or you know that's an inch or a minute on the lips, inch on the hips or whatever, the fuck, you know like my brain goes through those so rapid fire And I've gotten so good at just like no, you know. and like shutting them down like window tabs on a computer. but they still happen, you know, and they still. some days it's harder to turn off the window. But I think really it's just about trying to dig a little bit deeper of what is that thought coming from, or where is that intrusive you know feeling coming from? and trying to label it, because if I can label it then I can tie it back to something that has triggered me with whatever that response is, and then I just eat whatever it was that I was going to eat.

Speaker 1: 39:07

Yeah, i do the same. You have to name them. When I hear my mean integral coming up bubbling out, yeah, a minute on the lips and a lifetime on the lips, well, fuck you. I have fabulous hips, but yeah, i hate that stuff. Food has no moral value. All food has some nutrition. White sugar is not the devil. I have to tell I name her. Hey, i hear you, stop that. You know that shit's terrible for you. You coach people all the time not to do that. Crystal, shut it down, shut her down. So I just have to take a minute and, just like, like you said, where's this coming from? Give her a name.

Speaker 1: 39:47

We recognize that it's this dumb voice that's conditioning lifetime 55 years of conditioning. And also, for me, i love to go back to my feed that I've curated full of beautiful fat people And I realize just, I'm not that unique. You know I'm not doing anything different. It's just I'm just another person on the planet having to be a little bit larger. But then also oak trees are large and huge, and so our elephants and manatees and they're fucking beautiful And they have to annoy myself. So are you crystal? The more your body, the more he cares. People that you, people that love you and you love they don't care, just random strangers that care, trolls online that care, and so, yeah, it's a lot of work And some days it's hard. I can't do it. I'm just stuck, like everybody else, you know, even though I know better. Right, i wish it didn't happen. It happens less and less for me Around 55, i had a lot of time to practice.

Speaker 2: 40:55

Yeah, yes, i hear you. You know, it's one of those things where you just welcome the demon in and you say let's have a seat right next to me, there's an open spot, and we're going to become acquaintances. At least We don't have to become friends, but we are going to become acquaintances and we will respect each other, like you know. And there are days where the demon wins and I just, you know it's a shit day and I chalk it up to a shit day, but it's only a day and we move on.

Speaker 2: 41:30

And you know, i think it's really important to just have that inner monologue where you're shutting that down and saying where is this coming from? Oh, it's from my grandmother who said blah, blah, blah. It's from, you know, bullying on the school playground where somebody said something you know, like that's where this is coming from. This is not real life. Like, stop, that's. We know, you know better, so you got to act better now, like having that pep talk and it's hard, i don't, i don't discount that, you know. I think a lot of folks think like oh well, you know, you have so much confidence and that's you know. And it's like yeah, well, the reason I have so much confidence is because I'm fighting a demon every goddamn day.

Speaker 1: 42:16

Yep for sure, and that fucking refrigerator magnet that says nothing tastes as good as being thin. I mean just, you have to nourish your body every single day. No matter how fat you are, you still have to eat your meals. You don't get to, you don't live off the reserves of your fat. You know, right, i know. But I know people have those thoughts, you know, and that to me, that magnet kind of says that you're not really expecting the fact that your body needs nourishment every single day, absolutely, yeah, yeah, great question. I mean I hope that person listens to this and I hope they get something from it. But I think we're both doing something kind of similar, which is seeing it, acknowledging it, naming it and then talking it down. Yep, hard fucking work.

Speaker 2: 43:01

Yeah, I think that's the best way that you can manage it And that's all you can do, I mean. Otherwise it swallows your whole.

Speaker 1: 43:07

Yeah, and I know I have not ever been diagnosed with a disordered eating, but when I diagnosed myself, i'm pretty sure there's definitely something in there, you know. But so that can jump in there every once in a while to you know. Whatever it was, i ate so much of it, i don't remember, and then I have to also kind of talk myself down. It's okay, it's fine. There's tomorrows coming, you know, right, if you don't like that feeling, then try to work on not doing that again. And sometimes I love it, you know I'm gonna eat too much egg salad and then get a week off. No, okay, but whatever the hell it is, i want, you know, cookies, or a cake, or steak, or potatoes, carrots, oh well that's me day.

Speaker 2: 43:58

I think of Parks and Recreation, where Leslie and Ann their best friends, and Leslie says you know, i'm going to order you a white wine instead of a red wine. And she's like but I like red wine. And she's like, yeah, but you get a headache. And she's like it's my headache, like I'm allowed to make that choice. I may know that this is going to make my body whatever, but it's mine and I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1: 44:22

Thanks for the question. I also want to write in sexy, a big sexy chat doc. I'm glad to hear that a person had the question for us. Hope this helps.

Speaker 2: 44:32

So it's time for the vibe of the week.

Speaker 1: 44:35

Oh, fancy. So this is the Nova. Remember when we had Linnea on, she talked about sex toys for fatties and she said this is the one she gives all her best friends. I was like, well, i'll have to see if I can get one of those. And so I reached out to the people at WeVide and I got sent this one and another little goodie that I'm going to ship off to you, and I at least moved into my car now, so when I am near a post office I can ship it to you. I'm the worst at mailing stuff. Anyway, this is the Nova and I belong to this group called Triple P, and it's a pleasure party, you know adult product group, and I know those of you who are not watching on YouTube. You can't see it, but it's like.

Speaker 1: 45:22

First of all it's medical grade silicone, so it's wonderful. It feels great to detach, it feels great on your skin, easy to clean, easy to sanitize, there's no openings. It has this kind of special I don't know what it's called. I should grab the box, but basically it plugs into my H no, what do you call that When it's on your computer? Plugs into the Yes me, yes, thank you.

Speaker 1: 45:47

And then it has like these little magnets on it and so there's no holes in this toy. So and I know people are watching on YouTube you can't see this but basically a little magnet kind of gets the machine, the toy it's like, draws in the charger and then it plugs into the USB port And so it has a really nice charge. So also you can scrub it and, you know, get it. It's water resistant. You can't like take it down, you know 50 miles to the bottom of the ocean or whatever, but you could get it wet and you know if you stay wet, like yourself, in 20 minutes, 30 minutes, it'll be okay. And then it has rumbly, rumbly, yeah, oh, a whole bunch of different speeds.

Speaker 2: 46:31

I love it.

Speaker 1: 46:38

I see why she gives it to her best friends at Pricey, but I spelled the note And the only thing I would say that for me is it has the part that inserts into the vagina and then it vibrates all where your G spot might be And then it has a hook. Do you describe that shape, merif? What do you like? It's a ski shape. Let her see, with a really long bottom part of the sea which looks very phallic right.

Speaker 2: 47:05

Yeah, it's thicker, so you know that it's like going to have some width to it. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 47:12

And then you can see that's got me. For me it's like two knuckles wide. It's a good size, it's girthy And I wouldn't mind if the vibrator that hits the G-spot was a little stronger. But the vibrator part that hits the clitoris, you know that Yeah, it's powerful enough, but this one I wish, the G-spot one I wish was a little more powerful. Really easy controls. They're all covered in a silicone. So again, no way to damage them with water.

Speaker 1: 47:42

It takes a little time to turn it off, but I would say out of a five star rating I would give it four and a half stars. Nice, that's both of them now both going. So it vibrates your G-spot and your clitoris at the same time And you can see Merfit's really stretchy. So the yeah, i can stretch it out almost like a letter U or a V And even further. It's, you know, got a lot of both parts kind of move around.

Speaker 1: 48:09

So when you're inserted into your vagina and trying to find your clitoris and your G-spot, it gives you a nice handle that allows you to kind of move it around, because everybody's, you know, g-spot and clitoris are in different places And so you can kind of make it work. They made it super bendy in both the metallic part and the clitoral vibrator So you can move it and mash it around any way you need to. Again, i have a we've talked about this a lot. I have a lower fat, lower tummy which can make sometimes using sex toys alone They don't have a long handle a little bit more difficult, but I was able to do what I wanted to do with this one much more fun with another person. I'll try to do it, yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:48

Yeah, How? how long would you say?

Speaker 1: 48:50

that is The phallic part is, i'm going to say, five inches, and then the clitoral part is probably like about four inches, three and a half inches maybe, but yeah, it's really good vibration and a lot of different speeds. I really like those speeds that are like. I know some people don't, but to me it's like the kind of like the sex, the sound of sex, in the very beginning until it turns into the jackhammer mode. I like it. But there's a lot of different ways to use it and play with it and it's rechargeable. So no batters and it's. You know, you can wash it with, you know, soap and water. You can, probably. You can wash it under, yeah, you can probably. Even you can take it in the tub with you, but not for like an hour. You probably want to submerge it for that long. Hopefully you don't need it that long under water. But yeah, it's really great toy.

Speaker 1: 49:36

I see we vibe makes really high quality toys and they make rumbly toys and better quality. Did you ever try the we vibe? the original we vibe? that was like a really skinny C? Yes, and it didn't. It did not work for fat bodies. I kept telling them it doesn't work for fat bodies. My vulva is thicker than that. I have my labia I don't know if you all know about fat labia, but that's what I have And so these didn't work. We tried and tried And then also I like more intense sex penetration Sorry, mom, and when you're having intense penetration it tends to slide right out, no matter how hard we tried.

Speaker 1: 50:17

I forgot to mention it comes with this little satin cover, color notch, which is nice to, because if you have other toys, you know they touch each other in the drawer. Sometimes they can swap colors, although that's medical grade silicone. I don't think they would do that, but it's so nice to keep your toys If you know when they're clean, you put them back in here and you know they're clean. And lots of cool instructions and different ideas about how to use it. And yeah, linnea, i get it. I understand now why you love it Because, yeah, the patterns, the rumbliness, i just love rumbly, so it's the Wee Vibe.

Speaker 2: 50:48

Novia Nova, nova.

Speaker 1: 50:50

NOVA. Yeah, it's beautiful And it like, as soon as you touch it you can just go oh, this is a luxury toy, Not a clothes out, Not a cheapo. No petroleum products, You know, it's just, it's that body safe material. I'll add it to my website as well, And we have a code for people who want to shop on my website, which is blisconexioncom, And the code is BSC20 for 20% off. Yeah, it's a good one. It's like up there with the liberator stuff. You know really high end And it's gonna last a long time. I should have checked to see if it has a warranty. I didn't even remember to check that part. I bet it has at least a one year warranty. Yeah, I'd say at least one. Oh, it has a travel lock too. That's smart. I always claim if it's vibrating, it's my suitcase, okay.

Speaker 2: 51:39

My friend works for the TSA so I'm like, yeah, we know. Have you ever seen?

Speaker 1: 51:44

that meme or video or reel going around where they make it seem like like there's a bunch of women traveling together and then, like one of the women pranked the other woman and she's going through. you see, it's hilarious And the TSA girl's like girl, like what do you got? And she's like what was in hers And she's so embarrassed. Be proud, sister, be proud.

Speaker 2: 52:09

That's right. Want that 10 inch dong in your thing, your suitcase Right.

Speaker 1: 52:14

Yes, i love it, Oh so. So, yeah, thumbs up four and a half stars out of five. For sure I see why a sex expert like Nenia loves it so much, And I like most things from WeVib, and I'm hoping to talk to them more about to see if they have any other products that they feel like are good for fat bodies, because I, like I wouldn't mind having them on. Yeah, maybe even as a sponsor, because they make great quality choice. I agree.

Speaker 2: 52:38

I would love to see them start moving towards fat bodies and sending their product over our way.

Speaker 1: 52:45

The WeVib has a two year warranty. It looks like most of their products do, maybe all of their products. It comes with an app which I forgot to mention And according to some people that we know your experts the app is amazing And you can use the app on any cell phone Apple or Samsung And the other person with the app or you with the app if you're separated by a million miles, that's okay. Or you can also use the app If you want to relax in your bed and insert the toy and have it on your vagina and on your clitoris, then you can use your phone as the remote control to manage the different rumblies and the different sensations and all the different vibration modes, which is super cool. And here's the box for those of you who are watching on YouTube. So that kind of gives you an idea. And, yeah, they have even like different ways to use it on the box, different positions that you've, ways you could use it.

Speaker 1: 53:45

And there's something else I wanted to mention. Oh, as a person who's owned a sex toy store, if you buy an expensive toy and it comes with a one or two year warranty, save your receipt of the day you bought it and where you bought it from, and then just save the box and put the receipt in the box And you always know where it is. You always find it And remember how much warranty it has. Because they're expensive?

Speaker 2: 54:05

Yes, they are Good to know. I felt like that was one of those rainbow moments from NBC when they were like after school and they'd be like more you know.

Speaker 1: 54:16

Right, yes, and they would always be more.

Speaker 2: 54:18

You know, i always want to know more, so yeah, that's an idea though, so that way you never forget or lose that receipt.

Speaker 1: 54:24

If you ever have to ship it back, which you don't usually have to ship it back. But yeah, i don't think you ever have to ship it back now that I think about it. But at least you'll know where your warranty ticket is or where your receipt is, and when you get a sex toy that has one of those warranty cards, mail it in. I know they don't all have that, but just mail it in. You never know. Sex toys don't last forever, but they should last a fair amount of time. But anyway, that's all I have to say about the Nova. Worthy investment, yeah, and we want to get the WeVide people on the show. We want to learn more about these toys Like this one's. Great for a fat body. How much did it cost? Retail, i think it's close to like $1.75. Okay, yeah, i'm not sure. You know Ash Shirley loves the Moxie. I've never tried it, but I think it might be a little bit more affordable. But yeah, we'll have her share with us someday about that one. Awesome That sounds good.

Speaker 2: 55:22

This was fun getting back together and chatting. I loved it. Well, you can find us at bigsexychatcom, at Big Sexy Chat, on basically all of the social media platforms, at Big Sexy Chat pod on Twitter, and if you have a question, you can send us an email to sexyatbigsexychatcom. Wonderful.

Speaker 1: 55:46

And if you are on bigsexychatcom, we would love to stay connected with you through our emails. We send out two a month, not that much So we won't clog up your inbox, but we'd love to stay in touch and stay in contact and let you know when we have events or anything special or someone coming on. We have all kinds of fun stuff. So thanks for tuning in. I will see you later, alligator.

Speaker 2: 56:09

Well, after a while, crocodile. So where can you find your favorite fatties? You can find us at bigsexychatcom on all the social medias, at Big Sexy Chat on Twitter, big Sexy Chat pod And Crystal. How can they reach us?

Speaker 1: 56:29

Oh, Merck, the best way to reach us is by email, which is sexyatbigsexychatcom, And remember to like, subscribe and share, please.