As we journey back from a pause in our podcasting, we bring you a conversation that traverses the intricate terrains of loss, healing, and the unyielding spirit of humanity. Sobriety has reshaped our approach to life's tumultuous waves, and in this heart-to-heart, we lay bare our own stories of finding clarity and closure amidst the grief of Sam’s father's passing. The episode takes an intimate turn as he recounts moving back home, the humility in caring for my mother with Alzheimer's, and the profound impact this choice has had on my personal growth and family dynamics.
This discussion also delves into the intricacies of sustaining sobriety when the world seems to crumble around you. Sam recalls the excruciating decision to prioritize recovery over attending my grandmother's funeral—a choice that became a cornerstone of my long-term sobriety. As we reminisce about the support from Matt’s grandfather and reflect on our professional endeavors in a treatment center, we celebrate the generational fortitude passed down through our lineage. Wrapping up, we extend our heartfelt thanks to our listeners for their company and shared courage as we navigate the odyssey of living sober and paying tribute to those we've loved and lost.
Join us Every Thursday Night at 8:00 EST/5:00PST for a FREE family support group. Register at the following Link to get the zoom information sent to you: Family Support Meeting
Or you can visit or tell someone about our sponsor(s):
Intervention on Call is on online platform that allows families and support systems to get immediate coaching and direction from a professional interventionist to do their own intervention. For families who either don't need or can't afford a professionally led intervention, we can help.
Therapy is a very important way to take care of your mental health. This can happen from the comfort of your own home or office. If you need therapy and want to get a discount on your first month of services please try Better Help.
As we journey back from a pause in our podcasting, we bring you a conversation that traverses the intricate terrains of loss, healing, and the unyielding spirit of humanity. Sobriety has reshaped our approach to life's tumultuous waves, and in this heart-to-heart, we lay bare our own stories of finding clarity and closure amidst the grief of Sam’s father's passing. The episode takes an intimate turn as he recounts moving back home, the humility in caring for my mother with Alzheimer's, and the profound impact this choice has had on my personal growth and family dynamics.
This discussion also delves into the intricacies of sustaining sobriety when the world seems to crumble around you. Sam recalls the excruciating decision to prioritize recovery over attending my grandmother's funeral—a choice that became a cornerstone of my long-term sobriety. As we reminisce about the support from Matt’s grandfather and reflect on our professional endeavors in a treatment center, we celebrate the generational fortitude passed down through our lineage. Wrapping up, we extend our heartfelt thanks to our listeners for their company and shared courage as we navigate the odyssey of living sober and paying tribute to those we've loved and lost.
Join us Every Thursday Night at 8:00 EST/5:00PST for a FREE family support group. Register at the following Link to get the zoom information sent to you: Family Support Meeting
Or you can visit or tell someone about our sponsor(s):
Intervention on Call is on online platform that allows families and support systems to get immediate coaching and direction from a professional interventionist to do their own intervention. For families who either don't need or can't afford a professionally led intervention, we can help.
Therapy is a very important way to take care of your mental health. This can happen from the comfort of your own home or office. If you need therapy and want to get a discount on your first month of services please try Better Help.
Follow the hosts on TikTok Matt: @mattbrowninterventionist Sam: @the.interventionist.sd
If you have a question that we can answer on the show, please email us at questions@partywreckers.com
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Party Wreckers podcast, hosted by professional interventionists Matt Brown and Sam Davis. This is a podcast for families or individuals with loved ones who are struggling with addiction or alcoholism and are reluctant to get the help that they need. We hope to educate and entertain you while removing the fear from the conversation. Stay with us and we'll get you through it. Please welcome the Party Wreckers, Matt Brown and Sam Davis.
Speaker 2:
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, we are back. Sam and I have been away for several months. We've both been dealing with some stuff in our private lives and we'll get into that here in just a little bit. But welcome back to the Party Wreckers podcast. We are so glad that you guys have tuned in to listen to another episode. Sam and I just happened to be sitting in the same hotel room right now we're doing some work for a treatment center and just happened to be working together this week doing some training, so we get a chance to actually be in the same room while we record this tonight. It's kind of nice.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, it's good to be back. It's been a rough few months when personal lives for myself and for you and life on life's terms is what it is. It's good to be doing something different too, to be out here, being able to train some staff members and train some faculty at this program. It's really good, it's very eye-opening and it's very refreshing to see a whole team full of people that really want to see people get well.
Speaker 2:
And the most rewarding part of it for me is to you know, we were out here not too long ago and now we're back, and to see the difference I mean I don't want to take credit for all of it, but to see the difference that we're at least hoping to make actually starting to take hold is super rewarding, for me.
Speaker 2:
You know I know we want to get into this and we don't want this to be a super long episode, but I know you, particularly lately, have been going through quite a bit and you know why don't we dig into that and how your recovery has given you a different perspective on a pretty significant experience here in your life.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, it's really prepared me. What I thought was the worst day of my life, when I got hauled off to rehab, was a tough day. It was a tough time in my life, but what it did was prepare me for the absolute most difficult time I've ever experienced in my life, and that was a loss of my father, and I can say that he, he left this world and there was nothing left unsaid between us, which is all due to sobriety to be able to be authentic around him, authentic with him, and he feel comfortable enough with me to be authentic with me and it just brings a lot of peace knowing that he left this world with nothing left unsaid.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, but it's been a very difficult trying time because it's not just about my dad and his health, it's you know, my mother has Alzheimer's and it's just new season of life will drop down in your lap, sometimes immediately, and it's like boom. New season of life.
Speaker 2:
Well, and it's not just that your parents were dealing with, with their stuff and, and you know, with the passing of your dad and your mom with Alzheimer's, but you decided to make some pretty significant changes, just even in your choice of where you live, to be a support to them.
Speaker 3:
I didn't want to move. I didn't want to leave the property that I'd gotten as a result of sobriety, uproot my kid and move back and basically live in the basement of my mom and dad's house at 50 years old. You know there's a lot of jokes attached to things like that and, honestly, like I had some shame and some pride around letting people know that I moved back into my mom and dad's nice, nice, we've, we've updated it.
Speaker 1:
You saw it.
Speaker 3:
I mean, it's a nice little spot, I'm very comfortable.
Speaker 2:
But you're not there because you had to be right. You're there because you wanted to be. Yeah, it was the right thing to do.
Speaker 3:
Yeah. So, variety taught me that and as I was somewhat kicking it, look, I knew that I had to do it. We had talked as a family, mom and dad were struggling and again we talked as a family and I was completely willing to do it. And through my journey of sobriety, and especially now, god's grace has really shown up In the rear view mirror in my life. How do you see that?
Speaker 2:
in the most significant way.
Speaker 3:
Timing of everything. The way things unfolded, like I didn't want that, was me getting in the way, not wanting to move back to my hometown, and the timing was perfect because it wasn't. You know, a month later I was able to go upstairs and get him to the hospital in the middle of the night when he needed to go, and I was able to check on him and I was able to give him a break with my mom and bring my mom down, and and he said over and over that, you know, thank God, you're downstairs and I was able to be with him the night that he died. I was able to, he was able to call me and and I was able to run upstairs and get him situated and I was actually the last one that spoke with him before he passed.
Speaker 3:
And God's grace was, we had a caretaker that had just started from my mom, like the day before, and God's grace was, nothing was left unsaid between us. God's grace was that I was able to be there, and God's grace was and and you know, man, this is weird, as this sounds like I've always had faith, since I've been sober of faith in God and belief and experiences with God and relationship with God. But leading up to this event, I've realized that there was still a little bit of yeah, but what if it really gets bad? Yeah, but what if? Like, do I really believe? Like, do I really have faith? Like I tell you I'd had faith, I tell you that I had belief, I tell you that I have relationship. But somewhere down deep it was like, do I really Like, do I really? And watching and experiencing that day that he passed, my reaction to how we passed, what carried me through, like there's no doubt in my mind leading up to that and that day and afterwards that there's a God and he's got me and like that gives me
Speaker 3:
comfort, because if God was with me through all of that, he's gonna be with me through the next thing that comes along and the next thing's coming. You know the next thing's coming and I'm not trying to get all religious, I'm really not but knowing and being able to see God's grace in the rear view mirror, like, what I mean by God's grace in the rear view mirror is that you know, you can't always see it in the moment, in the present moment, but if I check my rear view mirror every night, I can really see where he showed up that day or throughout it all, and like if it was there with me, god was there with me and my family through this, then he's in a place. You know. I truly believe that.
Speaker 2:
How has your recovery excuse me, how has your recovery given you maybe a different perspective or a different ability as a dad going through and helping your sons get through this with their grandma, with their grandpa, and just being a support to them?
Speaker 3:
Well, my 17 year old lives with me. My 22 year old lives right down the road and the morning that he passed I was supposed to head out of town. This is again, god's grace. I was really supposed to head out of town the day before and I changed my plans, as you know, and said I'd fly out Sunday and I had my bag packed ready to go for the week. I mean, I was gonna be gone for a week and set it by the door I said come on, cody, that's my youngest boy. I said come on, cody, let's go up and check on Papa. I want you to check on him through the week. While I'm gone, let's detail his truck. Let's, you know, check on Papa, let's see what he's doing. When I ran upstairs, cody was right behind me. We walked through the basement door we're at access in the living room and there he was, you know, gone.
Speaker 3:
It was hard to register, but like my son stood there and he didn't run away, he stayed in a place that was comfortable for him to where he felt comfortable and he stood strong and he stood tall really literally, and he was supportive to the rest of the family and, for a long time, like my youngest son. Well, what this really this event really did was was raise my awareness about the man that my son is, and I had looked at things in a negative light and was really fear, thinking for a long time about Cody. Cody has seen some loss in his life. Cody has experienced some loss and what I perceived that he was just stuff it down and not show his emotion. And I'm like this kid's gonna be like a powder keg and I always was talking to him about it, about man, you need to show emotion. You're stuffing all that down. Let's get you in some therapy, which, look, everybody can use therapy. But what?
Speaker 3:
And Lexi, my girlfriend, was a big part of raising my awareness around this. She's like you know what, sam, she said. I just think that that's Cody's strength, Like Cody can handle tough things and Cody processes it in his own way. But you've been looking at this like this is a weakness in Cody, like this is a liability in Cody, but I really think it's a strength and it like hit me like a ton of bricks Again, god speaking through other people. So I took time and I hand wrote a letter to Cody thanking him and like that was cool as shit. And he's like, yeah, I'm gonna hang onto this for a long time.
Speaker 3:
Nice, you know, I'm gonna hang onto this and it has strengthened our relationship, you know, as a result of this situation, as unfortunate as it is. But you know you hear so many people talk about you know, well, such and such died and I went back out. Or you know, I never stay sober through my mama or my dad or my brother or whoever dying, or my girlfriend, if my wife leaves me, or they'll use it as like reasons why they used when they go through a breakup or whatever. But man, freedom is freedom. And we opened the safe in his office and looked at two bottles of opiates, like the day after he died, looked in his safe because we had to like, and the two bottles of opiates in there and it just without even a thought, without even a, wasn't even a thing. I was just like, yes, we don't need those. Throw them down the sink and run water until they dissolve. You know, get rid of them. And there's never even was a second thought to that. That's, that's freedom. That's freedom, you know. And you know I'm a guy.
Speaker 3:
I don't know how you are, but like I'm always questioning my sobriety, I'm questioning the strength of my sobriety. Sometimes, like, is it real? Like is it real? You know what I mean. Like, is my sobriety like legit? I mean, no, I didn't use. But am I really spiritually fit or am I fooling myself? Am I just doing this because it's never really been tested Right? Am I just, you know, because I'm always checking, like man, my prayer, like am I? Am I losing it? Am I my fit? Because when, early on, is sobriety like I could really feel and see like miracles in my life on the daily, because it's been such a crap show before that there was pretty easy to spot when things started changing and turning.
Speaker 3:
The longer I've been sober, the more things are. Just, you get some bumps, you get some some aha moments. It gets steadier though. It gets steady right. So I'm like, am I really sober? I mean, I know sober like without substance, but am I really emotionally sober or am I really slowly easing into the relapse mode of emotional sickness? And what's your opinion now? God's good, you know, and my faith is real, you know, and and the outpouring of support from people, you flying all the way across the country to to be with me and my time of need was like blew me away, you know, like because there's still a little part of me, still a part of me that feels undeserving and that stuff. I don't know how you feel I go through that all the time.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you know, as we talk to you know, this podcast is Is meant to be intended for families and you know, I think, that not every family is going to experience this.
Speaker 2:
I think a lot of times I mean, I've in my career I've seen this happen many times whereas we're we're going to intervene on somebody and they have a grandparent or a parent that's in poor health and they want to do the intervention, they want to get them into treatment. But sometimes there's this question of Well, if the worst happens while they're in treatment, can they come back for the funeral, can they come back for that closure? And my opinion has always been A little bit mixed on that, because I want to make sure that goodbyes get to be said and, like you said, there's nothing that gets to be left on said, even if it's gravesite. But at the same time, I don't want the family to have to be so focused on their addicted loved one that it takes away from their grief, experience and their ability to go through that process the way that they need to. Now that this has happened for you, how will you advise families when that situation comes up for you?
Speaker 3:
And I had that experience when I was in treatment. My grandma died when I was two months in and you know she wasn't a grandma from another state or another city, like she lived across the pasture from us, across the field, like she was like my second mom. We were close. Addiction really distanced me from from her, you know, because I had things to do and people to see, things to take. But when she died they wouldn't let me go to the funeral and I didn't really put up a big fight about that and, like my family said, it wasn't even a question. They said it was difficult but it was never a question of whether I was coming to the funeral or not. They were instructed don't take him out of treatment.
Speaker 3:
And I was able to make peace with my grandma and make amends, you know, after I got out and it's really the living amends, like am I living the way my grandma would want me to live? Probably not in all aspects really, to be honest with you. I mean I have dropped the ball many a times to my sobriety, but grandma would shake her head and not be really proud, but overall, like it was the right thing for me to stay in treatment and that's done a couple of things right Is that? You know for people that, just as you would describe that, have some older family members and you're going to do an intervention? Many need to be well, first and foremost, are they going to be in the ground right with them? And also, like the clients that I serve that go to treatment and come up with 20 reasons why they need to leave treatment, I'm able to, like through experience, say you know, I stayed in treatment through my grandma dying and I'm here today, you know, as a result of that decision.
Speaker 3:
But so many people that I tell that story to like, man, they should have let you go, they should have, they should have let you go to the funeral. That was so wrong and I'm like, no, it was the right move. We're not well and I would have taken nothing to the table had I gone to the funeral. I'd have just taken away from you. Know, they'd have been worried about me and I would have. I would have made it all about me. Yeah, poor, poor, poor me. Please don't make me go back to treatment. I'm so distraught and this and that and the other, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:
You had lost in sobriety.
Speaker 2:
I've lost grandparents. Both my parents are still with me and you know I was not close with one set of grandparents but the others I was. And you know I still have conversations with my grandpa. You know he was one of these guys. He was a beautiful musician. He owned a music store in Southern California and tune pianos and retirement, you know, had a wonderful singing voice, singing a barbershop quartet. He just, a very creative artistic man, painted. But he had a military side to him and I never really saw that until I was in the grips of my addiction. You know he was in World War II and was stationed in the European theater and I never really saw that commanding presence in him until the day he sat me down and just let me have it Like he.
Speaker 2:
I don't really remember a lot of what he said. I remember how he said it and I remember the fear and I don't want to say anger because he wasn't an angry man, but he was afraid and I remember the way he spoke to me. And then I remember getting sober and I remember how close that brought us because of all of my family members he's the only one that ever understood what it was like to be addicted. I wouldn't necessarily call him an alcoholic, but he was a heavy drinker and he tried for years to quit smoking before he finally was able to do it, and in a Mormon family that's about as close as you should come to addiction sometimes.
Speaker 2:
But I could relate to him. He knew what it was like to struggle at that level on some degree, and he wasn't smoking meth or crack like I was, or drinking whiskey to the degree that I was, but he got it. And just the pride that he would communicate to me Like I call him every week. Once a week we'd talk and at the end of every call he'd tell me how proud he was of me. And man, I live for those calls and sometimes wish I could still have them.
Speaker 3:
How long ago did he pass? 10 years ago I wasn't sober when my grandpa passed. He was a World War II vet, pacific Theater, very accomplished, very just, charismatic, just interesting, interesting guy. Everybody liked him. He was strong, he was great character, took risks, very successful, and he never saw me sober and I regret that. And when I'm intervening on these families and when I'm working with families that have elderly parents or grandparents, I'm like man, you want them to see you sober. I like to think now that that he's still very much a part of my life, like when I'm in a hairy situation or I'm in a negotiations with business or whatever, that his strength comes through. I mean I just truly believe that Well, and in this, line of work.
Speaker 2:
we don't talk a lot about that. We talk a lot about generational trauma, we talk about the negative impacts that generational flaws can have on us, but we don't spend enough time talking about generational strength. You know what I mean. Like there are some wonderful things that get passed on to us and in moments like this sometimes we're forced to reflect on those things that we're going to miss. And you know, be in there with your family and seeing you and your sister and getting to meet your mom and you know, just seeing kind of those, because you came up in a family we were talking about this like your family is what six, seven generations from that part of Virginia.
Speaker 2:
Yeah at least you know, and to see all of that come together in that moment. Not everybody that was there was family, but you had a lot of people that you weren't sure how you were related. You knew you were related, but there was some connection there.
Speaker 3:
That's that Virginia stuff.
Speaker 2:
But just to see that dynamic and see that you know there's some strength there that comes through, just because we're blood, you know, and there's some common things that we all share, just because we're stronger, stronger together. And I think sometimes we neglect that. We neglect to really capitalize on those strengths, especially in the intervention. You know we're going into a crisis. You know we're there to help put some things back together, but sometimes we don't capitalize on the fact that there's a lot of strength in that room.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, it is you know I picked up a lot of strong traits from my dad, I think, where I've been told anyway, and you know, I think he had an idea at his time was coming to a close, because he sat me down in his office just the other day, a couple of days before he died, and told me that you know. He said, son, you've done what a lot of people can't do. I said, daddy, I wouldn't have been able to do it if y'all hadn't set boundaries and done some very tough things. I know all that. I know all that You've done some things that very few people can do, he said. He said I'm really proud of you, you know, and I'm like shit, you know, and I, you know I was planning on him being around for a little while, but I've been talking to my girl, lexi, and I said I'm not afraid we're going to lose dad before we lose mama. Sure enough, sure enough. But God prepared us for it.
Speaker 2:
And you know I and this is one of those moments where we can just kind of get nostalgic and think about, you know, all the good times, all the tough times, but the reality is that you know, while we're going through it, there's people listening in that the circumstances may be different. It may be somebody in active addiction, it may be somebody that just you know was revived from an overdose with Narcan, or it may be somebody that just got arrested, or you know. Whatever the circumstances are, but there's people out there right now in a crisis asking themselves how am I going to figure this out? And the one a couple of things that I hear coming through loud and clear for you is number one you have a faith, you have a higher power that you can lean on. And then and it's true.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, like it's true to me now. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
And then you've got whether it's locally or otherwise, like you. You've got a community that that will support you and sustain you in those tough times too. And I don't think a lot of us really feel comfortable Like for you to say to me like I didn't feel, like I deserved that man. I was so honored to be there and to be a part of that support system for you and your family and it was a privilege. And you know, I think sometimes we we have such a hard time asking for help when we need it. But the people that give that help get something out of that too. And it was good to be there with your family.
Speaker 3:
I'll tell you, it's when life changes. You've got no control over that, a lot of these areas. And you know 15 years ago they wouldn't have left a dollar on the counter. You know they wouldn't have. They wouldn't have left spare change on the counter. The office door had a lock on it for a reason. In my dad's house you know like things were put away when Sam came around the pills were still in the safe apparently.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, still there, you know, and I'm in charge of the estate. Yeah, you know, that's, that's a miracle.
Speaker 2:
You've been trusted with part of the legacy.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, I didn't ask for that, it just that's what happened and blows me away. I guess someone believes something, but I see people out here kicking the can down the row with addiction, going in and out of treatment, fighting this thing and disunion with their family members and chaos and confusion. And man, we all know, like we all know that we're going to lose each other One day, like we all know that. But we don't live like it, like we don't live that way. We're out here scrambling around kicking the can down the road with addiction and running the streets and running a muck, like our family members are always gonna be here, like our kids are always gonna be young.
Speaker 2:
Maybe tomorrow they'll get this. Maybe tomorrow, maybe they'll figure out a way out of this on their own without us having to take action here. Yeah, I hear that. I hear that.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, like I look back and so many times I was focused on work and traveling what I got to do for work and I'm like my dad's gonna be here, my mom was gonna be here. Well, you never know. Yeah, you never know.
Speaker 2:
Well, before we wrap this up, I timed this wrong. I'm reminded that I needed to say this at the very beginning. But there's support out there for families and one of the things that we've done at intervention on call recently is every Thursday night at eight Eastern Five Pacific, we are doing a free family group where families can come into a Zoom meeting. You've got to register every week. We wanna make sure that the families that show up to that meeting are there intentionally. They're not using an old link and just hey, I think maybe I'll be there tonight. You've got to register every week and it's part of it is to protect the integrity of the people that do show up and then their identity and anonymity.
Speaker 2:
But we wanna make sure that we offer families an option just to see what talking to an interventionist would be like. Is there help to be had? And we wanna give back as we've been given to, and so for an hour every week on Thursday nights we do a family group and if there is somebody out there that wants to connect whether it's with me or Sam or whichever of the interventionists is on there usually there's two or three interventionists on there and lead in the group, we wanna make sure that we're helping as many families as we can, and so if you're a family that has a struggling loved one and you wanna get with somebody whether it's booking a session with intervention on call or coming into the family meetings on Thursday nights we'd love to be a part of that and help you come out of whatever crisis you're in right now.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, Go to our website. Go to our website, wwwinterventiononcallcom. That link is gonna pop up. Register for the free family and friends event. Click on that. Join us Thursday nights 8 pm Eastern. You won't regret it for there to create change, make a difference, Because helping you, helping you, help your loved one, makes this world a little better place for all of us to walk around in.
Speaker 2:
Yes, it does. Yes, it does. Well, this hasn't been necessarily as lively or energetic as we like to be normally, but I think what we covered was pretty important, sam, and I'm grateful to be in this journey with you, and I hope that our conversation today has helped others.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, I hate to hijack this session. I mean this episode. We haven't done one in so long, but we've just had some stuff happening in our lives, yeah, and here we sit, here sober.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, there's stuff going on in my life that maybe one of these days I'll talk about, but it pales in comparison with your experiences lately.
Speaker 3:
Pain is pain, man, Pain is pain. That's why, when we're intervening on people, I tell the families I'm like, look, you know we don't wanna talk a whole lot about alcohol.
Speaker 3:
We don't wanna talk a whole lot about cocaine, but I do wanna talk about pain, because there's not so much stigma around pain that everybody can experience pain. But when you start calling people addicted, addicts, talking about alcoholic alcohol and drugs, there's a lot of stigma attached to that. Yeah, they get a little resistant, matt, thank you for being here, bud, it's my privilege, my pleasure.
Speaker 2:
Well, guys, we'll put another episode up soon. We're gonna do our very best to be more consistent with these, but thank you for tuning in today and we'll catch you on the next one. Thank y'all. Thanks again for listening to the.
Speaker 1:
Party Records. If you liked what you heard, please leave us a rating and a review. This helps us get the word out to more people, to learn more or to ask us a question we can answer in a future episode. Please visit us at partyrecordscom and remember don't enable addiction ever. On behalf of the Party Records, matt Brown and Sam Davis. Let's talk again soon.