In this empowering episode, Elaine Blais delves deep into the challenges and triumphs of women in midlife as they navigate the journey of putting themselves first without feeling guilty. Through our candid conversation, Elaine shares insights, tools, and experiences that inspire and guide women to embrace self-care and self-worth in their prime years.
What makes you a midlife troublemaker?
About Elaine Blais
Why coach women in midlife?
How to put yourself first without feeling guilty.
How to overcome guilt?
The transformative story of a client's journey
The importance of feeling and processing emotions
The role of trust in the self-care journey
The impact of our thoughts on our well-being
Recognizing discontent as a sign of growth
How to begin practicing self-care
The influence of self-care in balancing personal and professional life
Understanding and setting personal boundaries
What is self-care?
How to work with Elaine
After listening to this episode, reflect on your journey of self-care, especially if you're in midlife. Share your insights and stories with us using the hashtag #MidlifeSelfCareNoGuilt.
Next Episode Preview:
Join me next week as I will delve deep into the topic of emotional well-being. This episode promises to be packed with actionable steps to enhance your emotional health. Plus, there's a special freebie awaiting you, so don't miss out! Dive into strategies, insights, and tools to elevate your emotional well-being and continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
In this empowering episode, Elaine Blais delves deep into the challenges and triumphs of women in midlife as they navigate the journey of putting themselves first without feeling guilty. Through our candid conversation, Elaine shares insights, tools, and experiences that inspire and guide women to embrace self-care and self-worth in their prime years.
What makes you a midlife troublemaker?
About Elaine Blais
Why coach women in midlife?
How to put yourself first without feeling guilty.
How to overcome guilt?
The transformative story of a client's journey
The importance of feeling and processing emotions
The role of trust in the self-care journey
The impact of our thoughts on our well-being
Recognizing discontent as a sign of growth
How to begin practicing self-care
The influence of self-care in balancing personal and professional life
Understanding and setting personal boundaries
What is self-care?
How to work with Elaine
After listening to this episode, reflect on your journey of self-care, especially if you're in midlife. Share your insights and stories with us using the hashtag #MidlifeSelfCareNoGuilt.
Next Episode Preview:
Join me next week as I will delve deep into the topic of emotional well-being. This episode promises to be packed with actionable steps to enhance your emotional health. Plus, there's a special freebie awaiting you, so don't miss out! Dive into strategies, insights, and tools to elevate your emotional well-being and continue your journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
Welcome to Create the Best Me. I am Carmen Hecox, a personal development coach, and I am so excited to be connecting with you today. Whether you're listening to the podcast or joining us on YouTube, my goal is to help women navigate through midlife challenges with compassion, inspiration, and empowering conversations. Each week we'll dive into thought-provoking topics, designed to build self-confidence, overcome invisible women's syndrome, and find the courage to create the best version of yourself. I'll also be joined by expert guests who will share their wisdom and insights, so make yourself comfortable and let's embark on this journey together. Well hello there, fearless midlife trailblazers. Welcome to Create The Best Me. If you are new here, I'm so glad you made it here. If you're a returning listener, welcome back to the one and only place where we encourage and empower women in midlife to pursue their dreams and live life to the fullest. I am Carmen Hecox, your host and personal development coach. Today's guest is Elaine Blais. She is a certified self approval life coach for women, a midlife troublemaker, and the founder of A Difficult Woman Collective. She's also an author and a spiritual practitioner. Elaine specializes in empowering women to heal perfectionism and reclaim their personal power through the art of self approval. In today's discussion, Elaine will talk about how women in midlife can put themselves first without feeling guilty. She'll also provide us with some helpful tips and strategies to help you begin your journey of practicing self-care without feeling guilty. Let's jump into the conversation now. Elaine Blais, welcome to Create the Best Me. I am so happy to have you on.
Elaine Blais:
Thank you, Carmen. I'm really excited to be here and have this conversation today.
Carmen Hecox:
Okay, so you are known as the Midlife Troublemaker. Tell me why did they call you the midlife troublemaker? Why do you call yourself the midlife troublemaker?
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, it's um, it's an interesting little story how I came to that. So, I have a really dear friend and she and I support, mentor and coach each other. And we were having a conversation one day about words, the power of words and words that were used against us when we were kids, when we were younger, the things we were told not to be. And for her, the word was bold. For me, it was about not making trouble. And so, with that, I really thought about. Well, what if I did make trouble? What would that look like? Right? What is a troublemaker anyway? Because the things that are used against us are other people's perceptions, right? They're how they are the ways in which other people think we should behave or should the things we should do. And so, I realized that for me in midlife, in my mid to late forties, I really began to put myself first as we're going to talk about today. And in doing that, I really disrupted the status quo of my life. And so, I became a midlife troublemaker, and I have cleaned it and owned it ever since.
Carmen Hecox:
I love it. I absolutely love it. I remember we met through a mutual friend, Lori Saitz, and she said, Carmen, here's Elaine; Elaine, here's Carmen. Elaine's, a midlife troublemaker, and it just piqued my curiosity. I'm like, I need to meet this lady. This lady sounds awesome. We could be fast friends.
Elaine Blais:
So, for me, a midlife troublemaker is a woman who decides in midlife to finally put herself first.
Carmen Hecox:
And that is the topic today. But before we get into the topic, please tell the audience a little bit about yourself and your journey of becoming a life coach.
Elaine Blais:
Sure, I'd love to. So, I was raised with very traditional conservative values. And I was a young girl with big emotions, very curious, and I was also really logical.And that got me in a lot of trouble. So, I learned to be quiet, be agreeable, be all those things that many of us have been taught to be as girls. And I lived my life that way for a long time, and my life was really wonderful. There's nothing to complain about. I created a career. I was in corporate life for about 25 years. I raised a family, and I simply reached a point in my life where none of that worked for me anymore. My children were leaving home. There was a big gap in my life. I didn't know what to do with myself. My marriage had been in trouble for a while. And so, the first thing I did was I went back to university, I got my undergraduate degree in my fifties. And that really shifted everything for me. It was such an empowering thing to do for myself at that point. And I just realized that I wanted to keep growing and keep expanding. And, eventually walked away voluntarily from what was a very comfortable, but not very satisfying corporate job. And took some time to just figure out what I wanted next. And I had wanted to be a coach for a long time. And a lot of, there were a lot of stories in my mind about why I couldn't do that. Why I shouldn't do that, right? There are too many coaches who would hire me. All of that brain drama. And then finally I just said, okay, so I'm not going to know until I find out. And I trained as a coach. I've done a couple of different coach training programs. I'm certified with the life coach school. And I have been doing this now for about six years, and I absolutely love it. And that continues to evolve as well.
Carmen Hecox:
And so, tell me what inspired you to decide to focus on working with women who are going through midlife?
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, I think that that for me has been my journey. It is what I know. It is what I have worked through. And, I had to find the tools and the path for myself. And it just feels so right to me to work in that space and help other women to have the tools and find their own path through.
Carmen Hecox:
So, the topic that we will be discussing today is something that is so dear to me because as a mom, as a wife, I have always put everyone else before myself. Before my own needs. And so, you're an expert. And so, I'd like to have you talk about the topic about. How to put yourself first without feeling guilty as a woman in midlife.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, it's, um, I don't think there's a simple answer to that. First of all, I think we all want one. Um, I think it's a number of things. I think it's really, many of us just get to that point of questioning, you know, is this all there is? What am I going to do next? Who do I really want to be? Is this life what I've created this life and I'm not feeling fulfilled in it. I don't want to use the word happy, but I'm not fulfilled in it. There's often a lot of guilt around changing that. Around saying, hey, this isn't working for me anymore. And I think a lot of that comes from the way we're raised as women. As girls, to, um, really focus on the comfort and wellbeing of other people ahead of ourselves. And so, for me it was really recognizing. Well, I think for me it was getting to a point where my children were really old enough to do everything on their own and realizing that I didn't know what I wanted to do for myself. I think that was a big part of this for me, and I think it's a part of it for most women. And finding the support that I needed to recognize that I am no less important than anyone else. My needs are not less important than anyone else's. Um, they're not necessarily above anyone else's. But they're also not something that I can take to the backseat or that I should be taking to the backseat because if I'm not caring for myself, I'm really not caring for other people, right? I'm not nourishing myself. How can I nourish someone else? That whole idea that you can't pour from an empty cup. And I think I did that for a very long time. And there was a lot of guilt and shame in the beginning of this transformation for me. A lot of a lot of stories about who I thought I should be and who I thought I had to be, that I needed to work through, that I needed to reframe. And for me, it took coaching. It took some therapy. It took a lot of support to get through that.
Carmen Hecox:
And so, tell me why do you think that, because I'm assuming that these stories were stories you were telling yourself. Why do you think we as women, have these, you know, create these stories that, we're trying to do something for ourself that it's a bad thing? And or that we're being selfish?
Elaine Blais:
Hmm. I think that's a really loaded question. Um, and I'm happy to tackle it a bit. I think that, um, culturally, culturally here, at least in this culture, in the US where I was raised and live, it could be different elsewhere. Um, I think that culturally we are still expected to be a certain way. I think that we are trained up in perfectionism. I think that is a function of a patriarchal culture. So, when you think about how much of our time and energy, we spend on thinking about what we eat, what we wear, how we look, who looks better than we do. All of this comparison, all of this striving for some ideal, some perfecting perfect life that doesn't really exist. And we spend a lot of energy on that. We are trained up to do that. We're really trained up; I think from an early age to do that. And so, we continue to perpetuate it until one day we say, wait a minute, this is not working for me. And maybe we don't get there. But I think a lot of women now, especially in midlife, are in that place of really feeling like they have been undervalued. And it's because we've learned to undervalue ourselves.
Carmen Hecox:
So, it's sort of a self-perception as opposed to external perception.
Elaine Blais:
Oh, I think it's both. I think it's both. I think externally we are bombarded with messages about who we should be and who we shouldn't be, and how we should be and how we shouldn't be. And so, we have over our lives internalized that. So, I think it's both. And the process and the practice for me is not paying attention to what's out there, right? So, letting go of the external, realizing that that's all made up. And looking at what I'm believing about myself. And is that what I want to believe? How does that feel when I think those things about myself? And do I want to continue to feel that way and think that way?
Carmen Hecox:
Um, and so what do you think women can do to begin to overcome that guilt that we get from having these, stories that we tell ourselves or these thoughts that we have. Or even caring about what the external forces say about us.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, I think it takes courage to do that. And I think that it's a choice. I think it's a personal choice to decide that I want something different. And that I am going to find a way not to be guilty about these things anymore. Whether I start working with a coach, whether I'm working with a therapist, whether it's some sort of support system and group, right? Where do I want to be and what kind of support would I love to navigate through this? To take that power back to really be who I want to be. And not allow the rest of the world to sort of interfere with that.
Carmen Hecox:
So, can you share a story or an experience of a client that you worked with that you helped them manage or overcome this guilt of when they began to put themselves first.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah. I, um, I can think of a couple right off the top of my head. Um, I have one client who, um, I want to just do this delicately. I have one client who was really troubled by something that had happened in her life years ago. And it was affecting her relationship. And she was carrying a lot of guilt. As a matter of fact, she was carrying that guilt as weight on her body. You know, she, she was carrying it, um, health-wise, she wanted to be healthier than she was, and yet she's carrying all this guilt with her. And so really the process was to, for her to get clear about the fact that whatever happened 20 years ago or however long ago it was, she was doing the best she could in that moment. We all are right? In every moment of our lives, we're doing the best we can with what we know, what we have. I think it's Maya Angelou that says,"always do your best and when you know better, do better," right? And so, to not pull that old guilt along through our lives. Because what we continue to do is we continue to just beat ourselves up for a mistake. Or we carry with us an old wound and we keep wounding ourselves by thinking it over and over again. And so, it was really beginning to recognize that she's always done her best. And to get connected to what her best looks like now, what does she want now? How does she want to be in the world now? And working through practices and tools that actually reinforce that for her. So, she's still married. You know, her relationship is even better after that. Because she took this thing out of the middle, right? That was in between her and having the relationship that she wanted, that she couldn't figure out how to release on her own.
Carmen Hecox:
Yeah. And it's almost as if though every time she, or this is just me thinking. Every time she remembered that thing, that event. Or that thing that happened to her many, many years ago. It was almost as if though she was giving life to it. And so as long as it had life, it's still there in between her happiness, whatever happiness is, whether her children, a girlfriend, her husband, or any type of relationships.
Elaine Blais:
Mm-hmm. Yeah, very much so. We continue to relive it and those memories live in our body. So, it takes a little practice and it takes some work. To move beyond that guilt. Because we're holding it internally, and oftentimes what we're doing is we're trying to push those things away, right? The discomfort in our lives. We don't want to feel that it doesn't feel good, it's uncomfortable. And oftentimes we want to dismiss it. We want to make it go away. We want to shove it down. We want to numb it, whatever we do with it. And until we allow ourselves to be with it. And feel it. It can't move through us, so we are continually carrying it and reliving it instead of releasing it.
Carmen Hecox:
And that's an amazing story. And I just want to add this isn't like that. She saw you one time, had this deep, intimate discussion with you, and voila, everything was magically perfect.
Elaine Blais:
That's very true. I mean, we work together over a period of time in order to get to that place. Um, I think it's funny, I sometimes think that the client needs to trust me, but what I realize is the client needs to start to trust themselves. That's really the process of coaching is I help that client learn to trust themselves, to trust their feelings, to feel their feelings, to trust their intuition, to be okay with their decisions. It's really about trusting themselves.
Carmen Hecox:
Yeah, and I just wanted to add that in there because I think that in today's society a lot of people are looking for quick fixes. And so that's why I wanted to throw that in there, that there is no quick fix. This burden's been carried for many years or maybe just happened, but the recovery time takes a period of time to process.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, I think that's true, and I think that the willingness and readiness of the person who's doing the work too.
Carmen Hecox:
What are the common misconceptions of, because I'm assuming that putting yourself first means, providing self-care for yourself. So, what are the misconceptions that come from providing self-care to yourself?
Elaine Blais:
Oh, I think there's a number of them. I think we're; I think we're; often sold this image and idea of what self-care is. You know, I get my nails done, I get a massage, and those things are wonderful and very and good for us. I not knocking them. But I think self-care is sort of stopping the busyness and allowing yourself to just be. Self-care is noticing that you're breathing. Self-care is checking in with your body. How do I feel. Self-care is, what am I thoughts? What am I thinking? How am I feeling? Am I serving myself with those thoughts. Or are those thoughts really limiting me, making me feel terrible? Are they self-defeating? Um I think we don't give enough thought to what we're thinking in our lives. And our brain is always thinking and it's always thinking random things. And we tend to want to believe them. Especially those things that come out of our fears. And when we realize they're just thoughts and allow ourselves to just be with them. And that we can actually change those thoughts or create the thoughts that we want to have about ourselves, we can do that intentionally. We are not at the mercy of our brain. Um, our brain is a beautiful thing, and it also has a piece of it that is, um, prehistoric, that is a survival mechanism, and it wants to keep us safe and comfortable and expending as little energy as possible at all times. So that we can outrun that tiger or whatever it is that's chasing us, that doesn't chase us anymore. But that part of our brain hasn't quite evolved yet. And so, it's going to show up. It's going to pop up anytime we decide to do something new. Because it can only pull from the past from memory. That part of our brain, we have the prefrontal cortex is the more advanced part of our brain where we dream and imagine and create from. But that survival piece is really strong. It's the thing that puts us in fear, that wants us to run and fight, flight or freeze. And anytime we do something new like taking care of ourselves without feeling guilty, it thinks we might die. And so, it starts yelling at us. No, no, no, no, no. This is wrong. You shouldn't do this, right? You're not supposed to do this. Remember what your mother said? You know, who do you think you are? All of that stuff comes up, and when it does, it can set us right back on our heels. It can knock us off our path, and so the more we understand how the brain operates, the more we can just feel that fear, oh, there it is, and then move beyond it. Realize that it's not true, that I can create something different and better for myself.
Carmen Hecox:
And I always look at, you know, when fear hits me with something new that I'm trying to do is, ooh, if it scares me, it's got to be good for me. It's just a practice that I've kind of convinced myself to believe to be true, that if it scares me, it means I'm on the right track and something good is going to happen from challenging this fear.
Elaine Blais:
I love that. And that is reframing, right. Creating the story, you want to believe is happening in this moment. Because everything that we've learned up until now is made up. Somebody made it up. Somebody told us that this is how we should be. And we don't have to believe it. We can recreate for ourselves what it is we want to believe. One of my favorite affirmations around that, and this is similar to what you do, is when something goes wrong or I think it's gone wrong, didn't go the way I wanted to. I practice telling myself that everything is happening for me. And so, if this is really happening for me, even though I don't like it, there's a greater possibility about to present itself. And that allows me to stay open to possibility instead of closing in with fear.
Carmen Hecox:
Yeah, and I think that's really important because it just says that, just because, Elaine does, let's say you and I are both doing the exact same thing, but we both come up with different results. I shouldn't be disappointed if my results don't look like yours because it was meant to be. My results were meant to look like this.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, and they're yours. You are not me.
Carmen Hecox:
Can you give us some strategies that can help women start to shift their mind to view self-care as an essential, rather than as an act of selfishness?
Elaine Blais:
Yeah. One of my favorite things to do is something I call loving your discontent. So, we tend to decide to make change mostly when we're unhappy, right? When we're, when things are going well, we're not thinking we want to change this necessarily. And so, when we get into a place of feeling discontent, whether it's frustration with something, disappointment with something, maybe we're experiencing jealousy around something. Um, all of these sort of contracted feelings and emotions when we can pay attention to that and allow ourselves to sit with that. We can then begin to imagine what we want instead. And so, paying attention to the places where we really feel discontented in our lives. I believe that discontent in whatever form is a sign that you are ready for change. That you have grown beyond this old paradigm, but you're still trying to fit yourself into it. And so, it's time to think differently, to think bigger. Have a new thought about this. Open up to possibilities about this. And so, by sitting with recognizing the discontent first, instead of just, you know, being frustrated with yourself because you don't feel good or whatever is happening there, trying to dismiss it. Just let it inform you. Because every feeling, every emotion you have, and I use the two interchangeably. Every emotion we have matters. They're not good, they're not bad, they're not positive, they're not negative. They are either contracted and tight or expansive and open. And when we're contracted, we're closed off from possibilities. When we're in an expansive energy, an expansive way of being, then we are open to new ideas coming in. So, sitting with that discontent and then beginning to imagine, hmm, what would I love instead? What would I love instead? Without judging it. Because sometimes the things that we think we would love seem really crazy. And so, if we can do that without judgment and just say, how would that look in my life? What would that feel like in my life? And just let it be and see what happens.
Carmen Hecox:
So, just allowing yourself to open your mind up to the possibilities.
Elaine Blais:
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Carmen Hecox:
So, do you have, some tips that women can, start to practice so they can begin to put themselves first?
Elaine Blais:
Hmm. Um, the first thing that comes to mind to me when you ask that question is pausing and breathing. And that sounds really simple, but we forget to stop and breathe. So, when things are feeling crazy and harried, you're rushed, pause, and breathe because there's really nothing to rush. And the more we rush, the more we create that energy and the more behind we feel. When something is going wrong pause and breathe. When we can bring ourselves back to the present moment, I'd like to say when we're in our breath, when we're consciously, intentionally breathing, we are more present. And the more here we are, the more in the present we are, the more clear we are. The more clear we are to what we should be doing next, or what would make sense to do next or what would feel good to do next. Instead of sort of just kind of pushing through and there's a lot of that in our culture. You have to grind. You have to hustle. I'm pushing through, I'm, I can remember being in the corporate world and people, you know, aren't feeling well, but I'm going to push through and I'm like, why? Why don't you go home and take care of yourself? You know? But that is the culture we live in. That is what it's trained us to do. And we don't really need to do that. And the more we can just slow down. Pause, take a breath. Before we do anything, before we decide something, before we answer a question, before we respond to somebody or react to something, the more present we are in ourselves. And that to me is the first point of self-care, is just being present. What's happening in my body? What do I need right now? And what matters to me?
Carmen Hecox:
You know listening to you say that it reminds me of back when I was in corporate and there was this, attorney that I used to work with, and he would talk about all these amazing things that were going on in his personal life, his business life, and his, community work. And I used to always think to myself, geez, how does this guy have time to do all this? I barely have time to work. I don't really have time for my family because I'm working so much. I barely have time to go home, take a shower, go to bed, and start all over again. And I think that the reason, now that you're saying this, I think that the reason why he was able to, tap into all these different areas was because, he practiced a lot of self-care, and it allowed him the energy to be in all those places.
Elaine Blais:
Hmm. I think that when we do focus on what we appreciate and what we're grateful for, instead of telling ourselves, I don't have time, which so many of us do. I've been there myself, right? Thinking I have all the time in the world. Everything that needs to get done will get done and focus on what we can appreciate in this moment. What we can be grateful for in this moment. We tend to create more to appreciate and be grateful for. I would also say though, he might have had a wife who did a lot of the things that you were doing so that he could do the things he's doing. Let's not forget that.
Carmen Hecox:
That is true. Yeah, but he had I think he had like four or five children. And he used to tell me that he wanted to take advantage of spending the most time he could individually with each child. Because he knew that they would be leaving off to college and they would begin their journey. And I used to just say, wow. That's nice.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah. Yeah. And I think as women we can set those Intentions for ourselves too and do them. It just means we have to let go of the things we think we should do. Have to do, need to do that. Get in the way of that. That may not be true.
Carmen Hecox:
This is something I struggle with and that is setting boundaries. How can we, women in midlife, set up these boundaries so that we're able to balance our personal and professional life with that proper balance?
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, I think that's a great question because what I find is, and this was true for me definitely, is that when I began on this intentional journey in my life, I didn't know what my boundaries were. So, I think a lot of us don't really know what our personal boundaries are. We've been, we haven't had any. Um, many of us weren't taught or allowed to have boundaries as young girls, as children and girls. So, we don't know how to set them for ourselves. We, and we get to midlife, and we feel we are exhausted. We're overwhelmed. And it's really because we don't have good boundaries, right? We don't know how to say no without feeling guilty, and I completely understand all of that. I have been there. So, the thing I would say about boundaries is, first you have to know what they are. You know what? How much time are you willing to give to the office to work, whatever it is your vocation is. And what will you tolerate? Boundaries are not for anyone else boundaries are for you. Boundaries are your rules, if you will, around what you will and won't tolerate. And what you will do if a boundary is crossed. So, oftentimes we think it's for other people, you know, uh, they're always bothering me. The truth is, I'm letting them bother me. Right? I am not stopping that person or thing from bothering me, from interrupting me, whatever that is. So really, it's about knowing what the boundaries you want are. How much time do you want to spend with your family and how do you want to spend it? And what happens if work comes in between that? What will you do? And that takes time, especially if you have no boundaries or your boundaries are really loose. They kind of move all the time depending on who's just coming in and who's coming out. And boundaries can be flexible if that's what you want. But you still have to understand what your hard and fast line is and what you will do, not what the other person should do, but what you will do if that line is crossed. So, for example, let's say a friend shows up at your house unannounced all the time and you try to accommodate them and it's really disrupting your day. And you have a conversation with that friend, and you say, Sue, listen, I love you and I would really appreciate it if you call before coming over so I can really be present to spending time with you and not in the middle of something else. However, you want to say that. And she stops over again. She does the same thing. And now the conversation is different. What do you want that to be right? Sue, I'm not going to answer the door. I need you to realize that this is important to me. And then you don't answer the door when she shows up again without calling you. It has nothing to do with Sue. She just can't hear you, and you're not going to change her until you really hold that boundary and she'll start to realize that, oh yeah, I should have called first. But we tend to think that because, and sometimes for me personally, a boundary is that I have absolutely nothing to do but I don't want to hear from you. Because just because my time is free doesn't mean I'm available for you. Right. And that's okay. That's part of self-care. I'm very much an introvert, although I call myself a social introvert cause I love people. But I recharge by being, by myself, being quiet, being still being curled up with a book, whatever. And there are times where I just don't want a people. I don't, and it's okay.
Carmen Hecox:
Yeah, because it's your way of re-energizing, refreshing, and growing.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah.
Carmen Hecox:
If you had a client, maybe you already have a client, they came to you and you both have identified that this lady or this woman is lacking self-care. She has overexerted herself, catering to everybody else, not to herself. What tips or what practical advice would you give her to begin to practice self-care? And kind of like the beginner's guide to self-care. Because a lot of people, like you had mentioned before, think self-care is going to the spa, getting their nails done, and it's more deeper.
Elaine Blais:
Yeah, I think true self-care is deeper than that. Although, I love going to the spa and getting all that stuff done. But it's not, those things don't happen daily, and self-care is really daily practice. So, what I would probably want someone who is really overextended in that way to do, and we would talk about what she wants, right? We would talk about what the life is she wants to create because oftentimes we are wanting something, but we're not being the person that can have that. So, we don't, we don't really attract into our lives what we want. We attract who we're being. So, if someone wants to live a more balanced life, for example, then they're going to have to identify what it means to them to be a balanced person and start to act in that way. So, I think the first thing I would ask her to do is to just take time. Give herself five minutes in the morning to sit still and quiet. Whether she does that as a meditation, whether she journals give herself five minutes for herself. We start really small. And then we talk about what happens in that five minutes. You know, for a lot of people, they're going to want to get up after a minute and a half. I'm like, no, I have things to do. Exactly, which is why we need to learn to sit and be. Because those things are going to wait. And we are very much conditioned to be doing. To be busy, to be productive. But that's not who we are. That's a cultural belief that we subscribe to. In the collective consciousness, right? Not all of us individually, but collectively. And until we can begin to extract ourselves from that a little at a time and allow other ideas to come through, just be in the nothingness for a few minutes, we're going to continue to be caught up in that. And we're not going to free ourselves from the harried life that we are trying to get ourselves out of. You know, I've had, um, I've had women come to me and talk about overwhelm. And I can think of one in particular who would talk about, she would say, my overwhelm. My overwhelm isn't as bad as my mother's. And I thought, so tell me about your overwhelm. Because we tend to talk about those things like they're real things that we have that exist in our life. When they're really things that we feel when we overburden ourselves. And it's really interesting to hear those stories and to help women shift the story, right? I am not overwhelmed. I might feel it, but that's not what or who I am. And now I have a choice if I want to change that.
Carmen Hecox:
And so, for the women watching or listening to us speak right now, and they're feeling inspired, how can they begin to work with you?
Elaine Blais:
There's a couple of ways. Um, I work mostly one-on-one with clients, and they can find me on my website, which is elaineblais.com or email me at elaine@elaineblais.com and that's B L A I S. And um, I often will offer group workshops and programs. Um, which would always be listed on my website when they're available. One of my favorites is a six-week program called Women Writing Their Lives. And so how do we go from the story we're telling ourselves today to the story of the life we want to live and begin creating that for ourselves? How do we reclaim our power to really have agency over our life and live into those dreams? And that will be coming up again in the fall.
Carmen Hecox:
And is that like a web program or is that a workshop in a one-on-one environment.
Elaine Blais:
That is a virtual group program that runs for six weeks.
Carmen Hecox:
Oh, that's great. And so, you said, when will those programs start up again?
Elaine Blais:
Yes, Women Writing Their Lives, I usually run spring and fall, so it should be starting up again sometime September timeframe after everybody's done with summer.
Carmen Hecox:
When women are really focusing down. Do you have a particular message or piece of advice that you can give the listeners watchers today?
Elaine Blais:
Hmm. Yeah. I think the one thing that we don't do well as women, and that's really because of the way we are raised, conditioned, programmed, whatever you want to call it, I think we've learned not to trust ourselves. And I think the biggest thing we can do for ourselves, the best thing we can do for ourselves is start listening to what we really want and trust that what we hear is the right thing for us. Self-trust is huge.
Carmen Hecox:
Where can people find you other than your website?
Elaine Blais:
So, my website, yep. Again, my website, elaineblais.com. I am also on Instagram at Elaine Blais Coaching, and I have a Facebook community called a Difficult Woman Collective, and that is where we have conversations about reclaiming what has been used against us being difficult as women as a problem, and really embracing those parts of ourselves because that's where our power is.
Carmen Hecox:
Okay, I will make sure to include all of your information in my show notes, all your links, your website, everything. That'll all be in the show notes. Elaine, thank you so much for taking the time to graces with your presence and your amazing message.
Elaine Blais:
Thank you, Carmen. Thank you for the opportunity and it was wonderful to have this conversation with you.
Carmen Hecox:
Elaine calls herself a midlife troublemaker because she encourages women to become difficult women as a means of creating the life they want to live. She believes that women should be assertive and stand up for themselves, and they should not be afraid to challenge the status quo. Elaine's message is empowering and inspiring, and it has helped women make positive changes in their life. One takeaway from Elaine's discussion is the importance of taking time for yourself. Elaine encourages women to take five minutes each day to just stop, be still. This simple practice can help women to relax and de-stress, and it can also help them to focus on what's important in their lives. Elaine's advice is practical and easy to follow. And it's essential for women who want to put themselves first by taking time for themselves and being assertive, women can create the life they want to live. So my challenge for you is to start today. Join me in taking five minutes daily to be still Be quiet. If you want to join Elaine's six week program, Women Writing Their Lives head on over to elaineblais.com. Elaine's information and today's transcripts can be found at createthebestme.com/ep028. If this episode resonated with you, please hit subscribe to, stay updated. Join me next week as we will dive into the topic of emotional wellbeing. This is an episode packed with actionable steps, so please make sure not to miss it. And there is a freebie, so you'll wanna come back. Until then, keep dreaming big, take care of yourself. And remember, you are beautiful, strong, and capable of creating the best version of yourself. Thank you for watching, catch you next week. Bye for now.