The Peace-Filled Mind | Manage Your Emotions, Stress Less, Journal Your Feelings, Trust in God
109 | The Hidden Problem of Ignoring and Suppressing Your Emotions
May 28, 2024Episode 109
LaToya Edwards | Christian Mindset Coach for Highly Sensitive People and Introverts
When things get really difficult ignoring it or flat out denying the struggle seems like an easy way to cope. It may work ... temporarily. The truth is that ignoring or suppress your emotions will lead to more distress and issues down the line.
In this episode, I'm talking about the root problems that come from ignoring/denying your emotions, the impact is has on all aspects of your life, the importance of learning to embrace all of your emotions, and practical tips to help you overcome the poor habit.
☕ Join the group coaching program: Feel like your faith isn't enough to navigate through the storm? It's tough when emotions feel like a tidal wave, and your faith feels distant amid chaos. The Peace-Filled Mind coaching program will help you find peace, deepen your faith, and embrace your emotions as a pathway to growth! https://latoyaedwards.net/group
When things get really difficult ignoring it or flat out denying the struggle seems like an easy way to cope. It may work ... temporarily. The truth is that ignoring or suppress your emotions will lead to more distress and issues down the line.
In this episode, I'm talking about the root problems that come from ignoring/denying your emotions, the impact is has on all aspects of your life, the importance of learning to embrace all of your emotions, and practical tips to help you overcome the poor habit.
☕ Join the group coaching program: Feel like your faith isn't enough to navigate through the storm? It's tough when emotions feel like a tidal wave, and your faith feels distant amid chaos. The Peace-Filled Mind coaching program will help you find peace, deepen your faith, and embrace your emotions as a pathway to growth! https://latoyaedwards.net/group
Scarlett O'Hara is famous for declaring that she's not going to think about something today, she would think about it tomorrow. And you know what? Many of us, myself included, live our life just like that. When things are going hard, when life happens, we tell ourselves that we will think about whatever that is. We will deal with whatever emotions are coming up at another time. Right? We ignore or we suppress how we're feeling about the things that are going on, and this is actually not a great way to deal with things, because when you ignore or suppress what's going on, it doesn't actually get dealt with. Okay. So on the podcast today, we're going to take a look at ignoring and suppressing your emotions, why that is not a good thing to do and what you really should do instead if you want to be able to manage your emotions well when life happens. Are you looking to manage your emotions and calm your mind so that you don't feel overwhelmed by all the hard times going on right now? Would you like to find true rest and peace in God and a little joy in your weariness? What about understanding why you feel things so deeply, especially when you're stressed? If so, you're in the right place.
Speaker 1:
Welcome to the Peace-Filled Mind podcast, your go-to resource for practical tips, real talk and encouragement. I'm your host, latoya Edwards, life and mindset coach and, most of all, a woman who's walked through pain and suffering just like you. No matter what you're currently facing in life or how you've dealt with things in the past, I'm here to help you find peace, joy and hope again. Pop in those earbuds and let's get to it. Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed by your emotions but you're not sure how to deal with them? Do you find yourself constantly pushing down your feelings, hoping that they'll just go away? Well, ignoring or suppressing your emotions can feel like a temporary solution, but honestly, it just leads to more stress, more anxiety, more inner turmoil and more of those emotions that you're trying to avoid. Bottling up your emotions can leave you feeling awful and one day you blow up like a volcano all over yourself and your life and the people that are closest to you. Right? Can you imagine like what it's like to do that every single day? It's exhausting, okay, and deep down, I am pretty sure that you know that that's not how you want to live your life. Right? You deserve better than that, right? You deserve better than constantly hoping that you're not going to blow up because you feel overwhelmed.
Speaker 1:
And this is where the Peace-Filled Mind Group Coaching Program will come in handy, because this program is going to give you a pathway to help you embrace your emotions and find inner peace, without ignoring them or suppressing them. It's designed specifically for highly sensitive and introverted Christian women who are going through hard times and are really struggling to manage those emotions right. There's teaching, there's learning, there's coaching sessions all designed to help you develop mindfulness habits, develop self awareness, coping, healthy coping mechanisms. Also to strengthen your faith right, so that you can walk through life with the ability to heal, to grow, to have peace and rest and hope, no matter what life is throwing at you. So if you're ready to embrace your emotions and experience this peace of mind that God promises and that you really long for, come on over to my site latoyaedwardsnet slash group, and you can find all the details about the program there, and I cannot wait to see you on the inside.
Speaker 1:
So we are going to talk about our emotions. Right, we are doing this series about learning how to manage our emotions by getting to the root of things, and a big part of that is understanding why we ignore and suppress our emotions, all right. So ignoring or suppressing your emotions is really about pushing them aside, right, or just flat out denying them altogether, instead of acknowledging it, owning it, accepting it and processing them. Okay, and this can look in a variety of ways. We've talked a lot about spiritual bypassing, right, and one of the side effects of spiritual bypassing. A lot about spiritual bypassing, right, and one of the side effects of spiritual bypassing is, like this, suppression of emotions, right, but you might also be a kind of person that you distract yourself with different things, right? You, over whatever that thing is. You might put on a mask, right, that facade of that toxic fake positivity everything's great and awesome, right, because you're ignoring what's really going on, when you might actually be sad, right, angry, afraid, worried and all those things.
Speaker 1:
And so why do we do this? Why do we choose to ignore our emotions or, like flat out deny them, instead of feeling them and processing them right and growing? Well? I think one of the reasons why we do this is just societal expectations, okay, like society is all about the highlight reel, like we just want to see you live in your best life. You're like doing all these things. Right, we have this idea of this perfect Christianity that we talked about as well, right, and that's something that society puts on us. Like, when we look on social media, we're seeing everybody's highlight reel Everything's great, everything's wonderful, everything's going perfect. We're not actually showing the truth, but we're not showing any negative emotions, we're not being vulnerable and honest with what our life looks like, and so we begin to think, well, that's how my life should be as well, and we start striving for that facade.
Speaker 1:
I think we're also afraid of being vulnerable. Okay, we are very afraid of being judged, of being rejected, right, of being belittled if we express our true emotions, okay, and a lot of times this comes from like this happening in the past Like, well, the last time that I was open and honest, right, I was belittled, I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me, I was judged, I was rejected, and we don't want to experience that again because it hurts. All right me, I was judged, I was rejected, and we don't want to experience that again because it hurts, all right. Sometimes your culture, right, or your, like, family background plays a big role in this. So if in your family or in your culture, like, emotions are just not something that people deal with. Okay, then that's what you're going to grow up doing and that becomes your normal For me.
Speaker 1:
I come from a family of people and I'm I cannot think of one person that knows how to deal with their emotions well. I can't think of a single example of my family growing up of someone that actually managed their emotions well, that had really healthy coping mechanisms and did those things well. No, it was a lot of people around me that were out of control, right, and because they were out of control, I didn't have any examples of how to be in control, and so I grew up also being out of control, right, but then being shamed and judged and criticized for being out of control when I didn't know how to do anything different, and I had to take it upon myself to learn, to do better, to learn the healthy, you know and right way to process emotions and deal with hard things in life, because I didn't want to be that example for my children. And this goes along with just a lack of emotional awareness, like some some of us, right, we just have no EQ, we have no emotional intelligence, we don't have the skills or the awareness that you need to identify what you're feeling and express them in a way that is effective and healthy. And so, when we don't know what to do with something, we just ignore it or deny it.
Speaker 1:
And then, a final reason that we tend to ignore suppressed emotions is just from trauma, right, is that it's too painful to acknowledge, it's too painful to experience? And so, as a way to keep ourselves safe, right, we just shut it down. Right, to keep ourselves from further pain, from further trauma. And if that is the case, right, this is when you really need a lot of help and support, right, go to your doctor, go to your mental health professional, get counseling, get therapy, get all of these things to really deal with that. So what happens when you are in this habit of ignoring and suppressing your emotions? Well, one thing is that your mental health will stink. Okay, when you ignore how you're feeling, when you deny how you're feeling, you are contributing to anxiety, depression, right, and a host of other mental health issues that come from unresolved feelings, unresolved emotion, unresolved trauma. Right, it really does a number on your mental health and your well-being that way. Right, we also have issues with our emotional well-being.
Speaker 1:
Okay, a person that is constantly stuffing their emotions is a really volatile person. I was this person for a long time. I was so accustomed to stuffing my emotions because, one, they were overwhelming. Two, I didn't know what to do with them. And three, on the rare occasion that I tried to express them, I was always shamed and judged for it. I was volatile, I was like a walking volcano on the verge of erupting. At any moment. I was moody, right, I'd be fine and I'd be raged right Two seconds later, right, and this is what happens is because we're bottling this up, we just become emotionally unstable, which isn't healthy. We also have these physical effects because emotions and not dealing with them, that can lead to chronic stress, headaches, tummy problems, stress has a really good effect, a really poor effect on your immune system. Okay, there's lots of things that go on with you physically when you have chronic stress, and chronic stress is a result often of just unresolved emotions and things. All right.
Speaker 1:
And then, as Christians, right, we might have the spiritual disconnection. Right, I talked before about how part of spiritual bypassing is this denying or this, you know, repression of emotions for fear. That, right, I'm not a good Christian because I feel this way and all that does is. It puts up a barrier, an obstacle between you and God. Right, so that, yes, as a Christian, you need your faith. It's helpful and supportive, but because you have these negative beliefs, because you're involved in the spiritual bypassing, you're actually more disconnected from God because you're not actually dealing with things.
Speaker 1:
And so, as you can see, right, there's a lot of things that go on here, and so let's look at, like, emotionally, what are some consequences, right? So we've talked about, kind of, how it impacts you mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Let's take a look at some of, right, some of these other negative impacts that come, and number one is emotional bottlenecking. Okay, and this is that, like walking around like a volcano that I've talked about, right, you stuff and you stuff and you stuff and you stuff and you stuff, and then eventually you can't stuff anymore and it just comes out explosive, right, bouts of rage, right, maybe you're just like uncontrollable crying. You're gonna have these prolonged periods of emotional distress because it's all these things that you've just built up over time. It's going to come out All right, on your likes, for, like psychology, wise, right. Again, it takes a toll on your mental health, all right. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, ok, all of these things kind of create this perfect storm to create a lot of mental health issues. That you could probably avoid or at least lessen the impact if you deal with your emotions right away.
Speaker 1:
When it comes to relationships. You're going to strain your relationships, right, and you're going to really mess up the community and your support system because you're not going to be have like great communication, because you're not being honest, you're not being open, and so you're going to have difficulty in your communication, right, there might be resentment, right, and conflict. That goes on, right, people know when you're hiding things and so they might resent you for hiding things, you might resent them for not listening and for not understanding, and then all of that together is going to lead to isolation. Okay, you're going to put up this big wall between you and these other people in your life that love you and care for you and that want to be there to support you, but you're going to isolate yourself from them, right, because you're just so afraid of being rejected, of being hurt, and it's too much to handle.
Speaker 1:
Okay, and when we think about, right, spiritually right, so when it comes to your faith, your emotions are so important because when you're struggling emotionally, right? Yes, we have this thing where we're not having close connection with God, but it's not just with God, right, it's with others. When you are not being compassionate to yourself, kind to yourself, right, showing empathy for yourself, you cannot do those things for other people. You got to be emotionally open and authentic to have good, strong connection with other people, and if you're not first doing that for yourself, you can't connect to other people, and it's also going to affect your ability to trust God.
Speaker 1:
So many times I hear from women that are struggling to trust God and, honestly, what is really at the root of that is that there's some kind of emotion that they haven't dealt with. There's some kind of thought in there that's keeping them stuck, right, that's preventing them from trusting God. And the biggest one is this idea that, like, well, I have to get myself all together before I can go talk to God about what's going on, and it's like, no, like that's not the case. But we have all of these things that we tell ourselves, right, these stories that we tell ourselves over and over and over again, that get in the way of that, because we don't want to or we don't know how to deal with our emotions, and so what I want to encourage you to do here is to really just think about and reflect, like in your own life.
Speaker 1:
Like in your own life, like, how have you seen ignoring and suppressing your emotions? Like, how have you seen that play out in your life? Right? Has it gone well? Has it not gone well? Are there things that you would change? Right? Are you noticing any patterns of behaviors and things that happen when you ignore or suppress? Right, take a look at that and really ask yourself if that's how you want to live your life?
Speaker 1:
Okay, and once you do that, then you're able to go on to this next step, which is like overcoming this habit of ignoring and suppressing emotions, right, by embracing them, learning to acknowledge your emotions and embrace them. Okay, so just embracing your emotions is just acknowledging that they're there, is saying this is how I feel and that's okay. Right, no judgment, no criticism, just this is it, this is how I feel, right, whether it's a quote, unquote good emotion, right? Uncomfortable emotion, a challenging emotion, whatever it is, you just acknowledge that it's there and you accept it. Right, and that helps you to see that every emotion that you feel it's valid, it's there for a reason, right, it's telling you something, it's giving you information and you can accept that, right, and it does such wonders for just your emotional health and your ability to then cope and manage. You can also get like this big release.
Speaker 1:
Just being able to feel your emotions is so cathartic because you can begin to feel it and express it. You're not walking around with it, right. That stuffing, that bottlenecking is not just piling up in you. You're actually able to let it out and let it go. Once you're able to do that, then you can begin to process and release all kinds of things. Right, you're not just letting it fester inside of you. You begin to have great insights, right, or awareness of yourself, okay.
Speaker 1:
So emotions give us such great information about ourself, right, about what you need, what your desires are, what your dreams are. They let you know when you need boundaries, okay. And so you're going to get a better understanding of yourself when you learn how to embrace your emotions, okay, you're going to understand what is important to you, what your priorities are, what your values are, what motivates you. You're going to really know yourself. Well, you're gonna be like you know what in these kind of situations or with these people. These are emotions that often come up and you're gonna be able to create a plan on how to actually handle that and cope and deal with those situations.
Speaker 1:
And I think, like the biggest thing is just this idea of healing right and growth. When you identify your emotions and you embrace them, you can heal, you can grow right. There's lots of personal growth that comes from learning how to manage your emotions, of learning how to heal, of learning how to deal and face hard things. You can do that, which then helps you develop more empathy for yourself which you can then share with others, right, which is going to build those connections, strengthen your community, strengthen your relationships. And you're going to see that translate into your faith, right, because you're going to then have all that stuff kind of out of the way of your relationship with God, because you're going to be open and honest and vulnerable and so when you're doing these things like serving and reading and praying, you're going to actually see, you know, change and transformation happen, because you're not just doing that to avoid the actual problem, right, You've gotten to the root of it and that makes, like all those things that we do as part of our faith, it makes it more impactful, right?
Speaker 1:
So I want to give you, before we wrap up this episode today, some practical things that you can do as you are starting to, you know, overcome this habit of ignoring and suppressing your emotion. So, number one is to practice being mindful and self-aware, okay, and what I mean is just learning how to become aware of your thoughts, of your feelings, of what's going on in your body. Every emotion that you experience is going to have some kind of manifestation physically in your body. Every emotion that you experience is going to have some kind of manifestation physically in your body. Okay, if you don't believe me, think about what happens when you're scared. Right, you start breathing faster. Right, you might start sweating. Right, there's always some kind of physical connection between you know your body and your emotions, and so being able to be fully present, right, mindful in what you're feeling, is going to help you see what those things are. And you're going to build awareness, because you're going to start regularly checking in with yourself. Right, how am I feeling right now? And if you don't know, right, when you're doing your mindfulness exercises, it will give you clues. Okay, well, I don't really know how I'm feeling, but, right, my head hurts, I'm feeling kind of tense in my jaw right, I'm kind of sweaty, and the last time that I had these things going on, it was this emotion attached to it.
Speaker 1:
Okay, second thing that you wanna do is to create a safe space for you to express how you're feeling, and that can be in therapy, that can be with a friend, that can be with a mentor, but it's gotta be somewhere where you are comfortable enough to be open and honest and vulnerable, right, without fear of being judged or rejected or criticized. Journaling is like my go to for this, but there's all kinds of ways to create, you know, the safe place that you need to process your emotions. Once you've done that, that's going to also lead to you developing healthy coping mechanisms. Okay, when you know how you feel, you know what it looks like, you've gotten in the habit of really expressing it and releasing it and getting it out, then you can start to develop and identify these coping mechanisms that are gonna help you manage and process these in constructive ways, right, in healthy ways and positive ways. Things that are gonna help you relax when you're super stressed. Things that are going to help you, you know, find the courage that you need, like when you're afraid. You'll be able to develop these healthy coping mechanisms that you can pull from when you need them.
Speaker 1:
Okay. Also, being able to practice emotional acceptance and self-compassion right, Treating yourself with kindness and understanding no matter what you're feeling. Right. Accepting all of your emotions as valid. Right that they are valid, they are important and that you're going to acknowledge them and accept them and process them okay. Another big thing is learning how to challenge negative beliefs and thought patterns. Right, renewing your mind, taking thoughts captive, like we know all about this right as a Christian. Right, just being able to identify these beliefs that are not serving you well, getting to the root of where they come from so that you can replace them with the truth and you'll be able to just build your community. You're going to find your safe people, find your community, find your support system that are going to be there for you and that you can also be there for them, as we are all learning how to walk through life and grow and deal with our emotions in a healthy way.
Speaker 1:
Right, being able to set boundaries and prioritize self-care OK, boundaries are a gift, they are wonderful, they are necessary, they are a great thing and we have to learn to use our boundaries to protect your emotional well-being, your mental well-being, your physical well-being, your spiritual well-being, right, and to prioritize taking care of yourself, doing things that help you rest, that bring you joy, that help you relax, that give you a sense of purpose. Right, finding those things that, right, help you to focus on the goodness that exists in your life and in your situation. And the last tip that I want to give you, when it comes to right, breaking this habit of ignoring and suppressing your emotions, is to find professional help when you need it. So, if you are struggling to manage your emotions on your own, if you are really overwhelmed, if you are, like, super anxious, really depressed if you were not able to function right, well, please don't hesitate to go and seek whatever like professional support that you need. Right, a therapist, a counselor, a trained coach. Like. Go to the person that is an expert and trained in what you need and get that help, because it's all going to help you in the long run. Right, there's no shame, there's no nothing. If you need to be in counseling, be in counseling.
Speaker 1:
I have been in counseling for a really off and on for most of my adult life. Right, I have times where I've had to be on medication. Right, I go to my doctor, I exercise, I try to nourish my body with good food, right, resting, take care of yourself, get whatever help that you need so that you can continue on this journey and on this process of learning how to manage your emotions. Well, okay, so just take some time to just reflect on your emotions and what do you notice that you do? Right, do you ignore? Do you suppress? Do you deny? Do you deal? Well, what kind of coping mechanisms do you have? What are they? And take some time to really evaluate those, because if you're finding that the things that you're doing aren't serving you well, right, it's time to make some changes.
Speaker 1:
I hope you were blessed and encouraged by today's episode. I would love to hear from you. The best way to do that is to leave a five star rating and review on your podcast player, sharing what you loved or found helpful about today's episode. This helps other women find the show and it's a huge blessing to me. Thank you so much for joining me today.